MASTER 
NEGA  TIVE 

NO.  92-81097 


MICROFILMED  1993 
COLUMBIA  UNIVERSITY  LIBRARIES/NEW  YORK 


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A  UTHOR : 


HIBBARD,  BILLY 


TITLE: 


MEMOIRS  OF  THE  LIFE 

AND  TRAVELS  OF ... 

PLACE: 

NEW  YORK 

DA  TE : 

1843 


COLUMBIA  UNIVERSITY  LIBRARIES 
PRESERVATION  DEPARTMENT 

BIBLIOGRAPHIC  MICROFORM  TARHFT 


Master  Negative  # 


Original  Material  as  Filmed  -  Existing  Bibliographic  Record 


? 


938.6 

H52    r 


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Restrictions  on  Use: 


Hibbard,  Billy,  1771-1844. 

Memoirs  of  the  life  and  travels  of  B.  Hib- 
bard,  minister  of  the  Gospel,  containing 
an  account  of  his  experience  of  religion  and 
of  his  call  to  and  labors  in  the  ministry, 
for  nearly  fifty  years;  in  which  are  recorded 
many  important,  curious  and  interesting 
events,  illustrative  of  the  providence  and 
grace  of  God.  2d  ed.  New  York,  Printed  for 
and  published  by  the  author,  1843. 

474  p.     port. 


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TECI-INICAL  MICROFORM  DATA 

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DATE     FILMED: AliL±^ INITIALS_^i^r^ 

HLMED  BY:    RESEARCH  PUBLICATIONS.  INC  WOODDRIDGE.  CT 


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Association  for  Information  and  Image  Management 

1100  Wayne  Avenue.  Suite  1100 
Silver  Spring,  Maryland  20910 

301/587-8202 


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MEMOIRS 


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LIFE  AND   TRAVELS 


B.  HIBBARD. 

MINISTXB  or  THK  GOSPEL, 
COlfTAININO    AK     ACCOUNT     OF    HIS 

EXPERIENCE    OF    RELIGION; 

*  AMD  or  HI! 

CALL  TO  AND  LABORS  IN  THE  MINISTRY, 


roB 


NEARLY    FIFTY     YEARS: 

IN  WHICH  ARE  RECORDED    MANY  IMPORTANT,  CURIOUS  AND 

INTERESTING    EVENTS, 

ILLUSTBATIV*   OF  THB   PROVIDENCE   AND  ORACK   OF  GOD. 

J.. 

SECOND  EDITION. 


*  • •#    •    «    * 

<*-     ..     -.1 

NeTcr  hew  blocki  with' a' razor .—Swt/it. 
H«  moitbe  a  truly  honest  ir.an„\v?»6l8  wijllug  t6.to'«Pmy«  op^tothc 
intpectioa  of  l\ot^eniy,  nJerf,-^Dii«e  Ujf't^ti  kiKkt, , 


«    »     .   • 


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NE'W-liJ'-ORK:       *    ' 

PRUITED   FOR  AND    PUBLISHED   B7    THE   AUTHOR.' 
Pitrcy  k,  Reed,  Printeri,  9  Sproc*>Street. 

1843. 


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Entered  according  to  act  of  Congress,  in  the  year  1825,  by 

B.     HIBBARD, 
in  the  Clerk's  office  of  the  Southern  District  of  New- York* 


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PREFACE. 

In  a  preface  it  is  expected  the  author  will  give 
some  reason  for  his  publication  :  to  meet  this  expec- 
tation I  would  remark,  that  having  been  so  un- 
fortunate, about  four  years  ago,  as  to  rupture  a 
blood  vessel,  while  preaching  in  Forsylh-street 
Church,  in  New-York,  which  occasioned  a  hae- 
morrhage and  inflammation  of  my  lungs,  and 
thereby  rendered  me  incapable  of  preaching,  ex- 
cept occasionally  ;  and  my  desire  to  benefit  my 
fellow  creatures  being  as  great  as  ever,  and 
having  been  requested  by  my  venerable  friend 
and  father  in  the  Gospel,  Bishop  Asbury,  more 
than  twenty  years  ago,  to  keep  a  journal  of  my 
travels,  and  note  down  the  extraordinary  occur- 
rences I  might  be  called  to  witness  ;  I  thought 
I  could  not  employ  my  time  more  usefully  now 
in  my  worn  down  state  than  by  writing  and 
publishing  the  memoirs  of  my  life  :  and  feeling 
a  confidence  of  the  truth  and  importance  of  the 
maxims  I  have  taken  for  a  motto,  "Never  to 
hew  blocks  with  a  razor,"  and  that  "He  must 
be    a    truly  honest    man    who    is    willing  to    be 


I 


IT 


FREFACK. 


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It 


always  open  lo  ihe  inspection  of  honest  men  :'» 
1  therefore  present  it,  such  as  it  is,  to  a  candid 
public,  hoping  and  ardently  praying,  that  Christ- 
ians of  all  denominations  may  find  it  a  means 
of  increasing  their  faith  in  our  Lord  Jesus 
Christ,  and  of  encouraging  the  timid,  doubting 
souls  to  press  into  that  kingdom  that  is  not  meat 
and  drink,  but  righteousness,  and  peace,  and  joy, 
in  the  Holy  Ghost.  If  these  effects  are  pro- 
duced, then  will  be  accomplished  the  ultimate 
desire  of  the  author. 


-^    "'W"  *fl' 


wr' 


MEMOIRS. 


or 


B.    H  I  B  B  A  R  D. 


I  was  born  in  Norwich,  in  the  state  of  Connecti- 
cut, on  February  24th,  1771.  My  father,  Nathan 
HiBBARD,  was  by  trade  a  tanner  and  shoemaker,  and 
of  good  report  for  honesty  among  all  his  acquaintance  ; 
he  had  married  Mahetable  Crosby,  by  whom  he 
had  ten  children,  of  which  I  was  the  eighth.  This 
woman  was  said  to  be  very  pious ;  she  died,  how- 
ever, when  I  was  about  two  years  old.  Her  two  last 
children  were  twins,  they  both  died  in  a  short  time 
after  they  were  born,  and  she  followed  them  in  a  few 
days,  in  the  assurance  of  faith  and  in  hope  of  a  bless- 
ed immortality.  My  father  lived  a  widower  about 
seven  months,  and  then  by  the  advice  of  many 
respectable  neighbors,  he  married  Miss  Phebb 
Fitch  ;  and  truly  this  was  one  of  the  best  of  women  ; 
the  first  things  of  importance  that  I  can  remember, 
were  the  instructions  of  this  good  woman  :  she  taught 
ixie  my  prayers,  and  to  fear  God  and  keep  his  com- 
mandments. 

In  the  year  1775  we  heard  of  war;  the  British 
had  sent  Thomas  Gage   with  %  fleet  and  army  to 


Boston  lo  reduce  the  colonies  to  subjection.  In  a 
little  while  we  heard  of  the  dreadful  battles  of  Lex- 
ington  and  Bunker  Hill,— all  was  bustle  and  noise  of 
war ;  soldiers  were  called  out ;  my  father  and  four 
uncles  went;  I  asked  my  mother  if  the  regulars 
would  kill  them  :  she  said,  I  hope  not,  child  ;  but  I 
saw  tears  in  her  eyes  as  she  spoke.  At  night  she 
instructed  me  to  pray  for  my  father,  and  to  pity  the 
regulars  who  were  sent  over  by  the  king  of  England 
to  kill  us,  if  we  did  not  submit  to  his  tyrannical  laws. 
But  she  hoped  the   Lord  would  save  us  from  his 

tyranny. 

My  mind  was  impressed  with  a  sense  of  pity  for 
the  soldiers ;  because  they  were  forced  to  fight  for 
the  support  of  wicked  rulers,  and  if  they  succeeded 
to  enslave  us  in  this  land,  as  they  themselves  were 
enslaved  in  England,  we  too  should  be  obliged  to 
fight  to  support  wicked  rulers.     But  I  prayed  most 
earnestly,  that  God   would   deliver    us   from    their 
power.     My  mind  being  occupied  with  these  mat- 
ters, and  hearing  so  much  of  fighting  and  war,  I  had 
many  dreams   of  battles.     I  saw  armies  meet,  and 
balls  fly  thick  and  swift.     In  one  of  these  visionary 
battles  I  thought  my  brother  was  wounded  ;  he  lay 
bleeding  on  the  ground,  I  went  to  call   my  uncles 
who  were  in  the  ranks,  firing  at  the  enemy,  to  take 
mv  wounded  brother  away ;  but  as  I  drew  near  to 
them,  I  saw  the  enemy  in  great  numbers,  pouring 
down  from  a  hill  :  their  glittering   armour  and  the 
awful  clangour   of  arms,  threatened  immediate  de- 
struction to  our  little  army.     I  thought  surely  we 


must  all  be  destroyed,  and  none  but  the  Lord  can 
save  us.  I  therefore  raised  my  hands  towards  heaven, 
and  cried  out.  "  O  Lord  deliver  us  from  our  ene- 
mies." That  moment  I  saw  smoke  mingled  with 
gravel  stones  and  streaks  of  fire  falling  from  heaven, 
between  the  enemy  and  our  men,  which  spread 
over  the  enemy,  and  immediately  all  fighting  ceased. 
There  seemed  to  be  but  few  of  the  enemy  that  came 
out  of  the  smoke,  and  they  all  appeared  friendly  ;  all 
i\:e  wounded  were  healed;  the  sky  immediately 
cleared  off,  and  a  light,  above  the  brightness  of  the 
sun,  shone  all  over  the  firmament. 

By  this  dream  I  was  encouraged  to  pray,  and  trust 
in  the  Lord  :  I  believed  God  would  fiftht  the  battles 
.of  America,  and  that  finally  our  enemies  would 
become  friends.  So  much  for  a  mother's  instruction, 
by  which,  while  young,  I  learned  to  fear  and  hope 
in  God. 

I  went  to  school  tlie  principal  part  of  the  time, 
from  four  until  I  was  six  years  old,  and  met  with 
no  abuse ;  but  now  the  scene  changed,  for  we  had 
a  very  tyrant  in  school  for  a  master,  and  it  seemed 
he  took  pleasure  in  torturing  me.  I  knew  not  why 
he  flogged  me  so  frequently,  and  so  unjustly,  until 
after  he  was  turned  out  of  school.  But  so  it  was  ;  I 
was  so  whipped  and  feruled,  and  kept  lo  hard  study, 
that  I  pjned  away  to  a  mere  skeleton ;  and  thereby 
excited  the  compassion  of  my  parents  and  neigh- 
bors, so  that  they  inquired  the  cause.  But  I  dared 
not  tell  them  for  fear  of  violating  the  laws  of  my 
parents  and  my  master,  who  had  taught  me,  **  not  to 


MtaalftHBMI 


■  —  -  -  '^^'-- -J 


8 

tell  tales  out  of  school."  However,  some  scholani 
told  their  parents,  so  that  the  matter  came  to  light, 
and  he  was  soon  expelled  from  the  district  without  a 
recommendation. 

Notwithstanding  that  I  suffered  uncommon  hard- 
ships,  I  learned  more  in  lh|l  school  than  any  other, 
for  the  length  of  time  ;  for,^esides  what  knowledge 
I  got  of  reading  and  English  Grammar,  and  many 
pieces  I  could  recite,  I   learned  much  of  human 
nature.     It  would  be  expected  that  I  should  know 
the  rules  of  this  school,  and  remember  those  rules, 
especially  when  I  was  so  frequently  flogged  for  trans- 
gressing them,  such  as  "not  to  look  off  my  book,  while 
studying  or  reading."  Sometimes  when  I  stopt  to  spit, 
or  blow  my  nose,  I  was  accused  of  looking  off  my 
book,  and  called  up  and  flogged.  Sometimes  a  scholar 
would  whisper  to  me,  so  I  would  look  off,  and  was 
flogged  many  limes  for  this ;  but  nothing  was  said 
to  the  one  that  whispered.     The  master  pretended 
that  he  had  great  difficulty  to  keep  me  in  order,  and 
to  make  his  task  the  lighter,  he  told  the  scholars  they 
must  tell  him  when  I  did  amiss  or  did  not  mind  ray 
book,  and  they  must  also  watch  me,  when  I  was  out 
of  school,  and  if  I  transgressed  any  rule  to  let  him 
know.     Thereby  they  would  be  good  children   in 
his  opinion  ;  but  as  for  me,  he  said  I  was  a  very 
wicked  boy.      However,   his  reproofs   never  once 
convicted  my  conscience  of  sin.     But  my  poor  back 
has  felt  the  smart  of  his  rod,  five  times  in  a  day, 
and  for  no  other  crime  than  looking  off  my  book,  or 
blowing  my  nose,  or  silting  cross-legged  on  my  seat. 


i 


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Once  he  boxed  my  ears  and  made  my  nose  bleed 
and  then  whipped  me,  because  one  said  I  picked  my 
nose  and  made  it  bleed.     Anotlier  rule  was  to  go 
directly  home  after  school,  and  make  no  noise ;  this 
I  transgressed  once,  for  to  be  sure,  I  was  the  first  to 
go  home  after  school  was  out.     One  afternoon  as  I 
was  running  before  th#other  scholars  in  a  foot-path, 
near  the  wall,  I  trod  on  a  snake  that  curled  around 
my  ancle  :  I  screamed  out  once,  before  I  thought  of 
the   master's   law.      I  ran   into  the  cart  road  and 
waited  for  the  scholars,  to  whom  I  gave  a  true  state- 
ment, and  begged  them  not  to  tell  the  master ;  but 
they  said  they  did  not  believe  me,  for  I  was  a  wicked 
boy,  the  master  had  said  so,  and  they  should  tell 
him ;  so  1  slept  but  little  that  night,  and   the  next 
day  he  called  me  up  and  gave  me  one  whipping  for 
screaming,  and  another  for  telling  a  lie,  as  he  said, 
about  the  snake.     This  made  me  more  cautious,  to 
look  where    I  stepped,  Icsi  another   snake    should 
frighten  me  into  disobedience  to  the  master's  law. 
After  this,  I  made  no  attempt  to  plead  my  cause,  for 
I  found  when  accused,  if  I  denied  it,  I  was  whipped 
for  the  thing   accused  of,    and   again  for  lying: — 
as  to  lying,  I  could   not  feel   a  conviction   of  mind 
that  I  was   guilty  ;  and  as  for  the  lies  of  the  master 
and   his  two  or  three  favorites,  I  could  not  believe 
that   an   holy   God    would    condemn    me  for  their 
wickedness.      But  all  the  comfort  I  had,  was,  that  if 
I  died  the  Lord  would  take  me  to  Heaven ;  also  a 
persuasion  of  mind  that  something  would   transpire 
to  relieve  me,  and  that  the  judgment  of  the  Lord 


I 


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10 

would  follow  the  master,  and  the  two  that  informed 
against  me.  This  often  rested  with  weight  and 
assurance  on  my  mind ;  and  after  I  neglected  to 
plead  my  cause,  some  of  the  scholars  spoke  for  me 
and  contradicted  his  two  informants,  which  much 
displeased  the  master,  and  for  which  several  of 
them  were  whipped.  » 

I  have  often  heard  my  mother  and  others  say,  that 
one  of  the  scholars  (a  man  thirty-three  years  of  age,) 
who  attended  the  school  ;  had  been  one  of  my  great 
friends  ;  and  it  was  conjectured,  if  it  had  not  been 
for  him,  the  master  would  have  killed  me.  This 
man  I  can  well  remember :  he  did  not  know  a  letter 
in  the  book  when  he  first  ^came  to  school  ;  and  in 
four  weeks  he  coiild  read  with  a  little  prompting ; 
I  contracted  a  great  liking  for  him  ;  because  he  was 
80  tender  of  me  ;  in  the  intermission,  he  would  get 
me  by  him  to  leach  him  his  letters  and  first  sylla- 
bles :  yet  the  master  would  not  suffer  him  to  have 
me  to  teach  him  in  the  school  hours ;  but  assigned, 
the  office  to  one  of  his  favorites.  This  man  spoke 
for  me  several  times,  and  I  escaped  several  whippings 
by  his  means.  He  would  also  shame  the  master's 
little  favorites,  in  the  noon  hour,  for  informing 
against  me ;  insomuch  that  one  of  them  made  his 
confession  to  me  that  he  had  done  me  wrong  :  but 
the  other,  like  the  master,  repented  not ;  though  they 
had  like  to  have  ended  my  days.  Now  the  cause 
of  all  this,  was  said  to  be  simply  this  :  my  father^ 
who  was  a  tanner,  and  no  barber  by  trade  ;  though 
it  was  said  he  could  shave  well  ;  was  desired  by  the 


11 

master,  to  shave  him  on  a  training  day  ;  when  he 
said  he  wished  to  appear  to  a  good  advantage  among 
the  ladies  as  spectator  of  the  training.  My  father's 
razor  was  dull,  so  that  he  could  neither  shave  close 
nor  easy,  and  because  of  a  little  laughing  at  hira 
about  the  girls,  by  my  father  and  some  others  pre- 
sent, he  became  so  enraged  that,  as  they  said,  he 
looked  more  like  a  surly  bull,  than  like  a  man.  In 
this  sour  surly  look,  he  went  to  training,  to  see  the 
ladies,  but  they  were  too  refined  in  sensibilities  to 
be  pleased  with  him,  therefore  they  treated  him  with 
neglect ;  and  he  charged  all  the  blame  on  my  father, 
for  shaving  him  so. 

I  have  been  the  more  particular  in  relating  these 
occurrences,  because  I  heard  some  years  after,  that 
ihis  same  master  was  hanged  for  forgery  ;  that  one 
of  his  favorites  died  in  prison,  where  he  was  con- 
fined for  some  crime ;  and  that  the  other  was  lost  at 
sea,  in  his  first  setting  out  for  himself.  But  notwith- 
standing thev  had  been  cruel  to  me,  I  felt  sorrow  for 
their  unhappy  fate  when  I  heard  of  it,  though  I  was 
confirmed  in  my  opinion,  that  the  spirit  of  malice 
practiced  by  the  master  upon  me,  and  taught  to  his 
two  favorites,  with  their  habit  of  lying,  was  the  cause 
of  the  curse. 

When  I  found  my  suflfering  excited  the  sympathy 
of  parents  and  neighbors,  it  contributed  to  raise 
my  drooping  spirits.  1  soon  gained  my  health,  and 
enjoyed  great  happiness  in  my  mother's  instructions. 
My  father's  prayer  I  thought  to  be  very  good,  be- 
cause I  viewed  him  to  be  a  good  man,  but   as  to 


IHi 


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I  lij 


12 

the  prayer  the  master  said  over  in  school,  though 
I  could  repeal  it  all  verbalim.  yet  I  never  would  use 
any  of  his  expressions  in  my  solemn  prayeis ;  be- 
cause I  thought  he  did  not  mean  what  he  said  in 
prayer;  and  therefore,  it  would  be  offensive  to  God, 
for  me  to  use  them.     I  must  be  sincere  and  mean  as 

I  said. 

I  had  an  idea  that  lying  was  one  of  the  worst  of 
sins,  and  dared  not  be  guilty  of  that  crime.  It  hap- 
pened a  little  before  we  moved  to  Berkshire,  I  went 
to  visit  one  of  my  school-mates,  and  we,  in  our 
rambles,  came  to  a  road  near  a  neighbor's  barn, 
where  was  a  number  of  willow  trees.— we  were  highly 
delighted  with  the  willow  sticks,  and  were  breaking 
off  some,  when  the  owner,  who  was  a  stern  man, 
came  near  and  yelled  out  at  us,  "  you  villians  !  are 
you  stealing  my'willow  sticks,  I'll  hang  you  !"  This 
frightened  us  so  that  we  ran  off  and  left  all,  and  I 
continued  on  home.  In  calmly  reasoning  on  this,  I 
concluded  that  though  I  broke  off  some  slicks,  yet  I 
could  not  view  it  to  be  stealing,  because  I  did  not 

know  it  to  be  wrong  :  but  as  for  Mr.  D ,  he  must 

hang  me,  or  he  would  lie,  and  that  would  be  his  un- 
doing for  ever ;  so  that  I  felt  very  badly,  for  I  was 
not  willing  to  be  hung,  and  I  was  sorry  to  have  the 
man  lie  ;  but  I  concluded  to  say  nothing  about  it,  as 
we  were  soon  to  move  away,  and  I  would  keep  at 
home,  so  I  dispensed  with  going  to  see  my  grand- 
father because  we  had  to  go  past  Mr.  D 's  house, 

and  he  might  hang  me.  This  worried  my  mind  at 
times,— but  when  I  was  seventeen  years  old,  a  cir- 


13 

cumstance  happened  that  settled  the  matter,  as  fol- 
lows :  It  had  been  proposed  by  my  father  that  my 
sister  and  I  should  go  to  Norwich  on  a  visit,  and 
though  my  fears  liad  subsided  about  being  hanged, 
yet  1  felt  sorry  for  the  foolish  man,  that  he  should 
threaten  what  would  be  a  sin  to  perform.  My  anxi- 
ety was  great  to  visit  my  native  place ;  asleep  or 
awake,  I  was  intent  upon  my  visit;  and  one  night  as 
I  slept  in  the  chamber  under  the  roof,  I  dreamed 
that  I  was  at  Norwich,  and  after  visiting  where  we 
had  lived,  I  started  to  go  to  see  my  grandfather.     On 

my  way,  as  I  was  near  Mr.  D 's,  I  thought  of  the 

willow  slicks,  and  concluded  that  he  could  not  scare 
me  now  as  he  did  when  1  was  a  small  boy  ;  just  then 
I  saw  a  man  coming  with  a  rope  in  his  hand  ;  as  we 
met,  I  knew  him  ;  he  looked  at  me  as  stern  as  ven- 
geance,  and  asked,  "  are  you  not  the  boy  that  got 
sticks  from  my  willows  ?"  I  said,  **  I  got  sticks  from 
some  willows  in  the  road  round  the  point  of  that  hill," 
(pointing  toward  the  place  ;)  **  well"  said  he,  **  I  said 
I  would  hang  you,  and  now  I  shall  do  it,"  (fixing  a 
noose  in  his  rope  to  put  over  my  head.)  I  said,  "  you 
will  if  you  are  stronger  than  I  am,"  and  drawing 
back  my  fist  1  let  drive  at  his  breast  a  full  blow  !  He 
stood  as  one  amazed,  and  afraid  to  stir  ;  and  I  felt 
as  though  I  had  broken  all  the  bones  in  my  hand.  I 
put  my  fist  down  by  my  side  and  passed  along,  roll- 
ing my  eye  at  him,  expressive  of  readiness  to  give 
him  a  harder  blow  than  that :  he  seemed  to  sheer  off 
as  though  he  was  as  glad  lo  leave  me  as  I  was  him  : 
mv  hand  pained  me  so  that  I  awoke,  and  found  my 


mmmtr 


!' 


< 


14 

bed  bloody,  and  ihe  skin  knocked  off  my  knuckles 
so  that  the  bones  were  bare.  The  next  morning  I 
found  some  pieces  of  skin  on  the  rafter  over  my  bed, 
in  such  a  manner  that  I  must  have  been  silling  up 
in  bed  to  give  ihe  blow  in  ihat  place.  Tiie  next 
morning  I  related  the  wiiole  affair  to  the  family, 
which  made  them  laugh  heartily.  Now  if  I  had  been 
one  of  that  sort  of  people  that  never  have  dreams,  I 
should  never  have  had  to  dress  my  wounded  knuck- 
les with  the  bones  bare  for  five  or  six  weeks  ;  but 
this  was  an  occasion  to  disclose  all  niy  crime  of  steal* 
ing  willow  slicks. 

After  we  had  moved  to  Berksliire  county,  in  Mas- 
sachusetts, my  father  was  enga<^ed  in  building  a 
house,  and  having  many  workmen,  he  omitted  pray- 
er in  his  family,  at  which  my  mollier  was  very  un- 
easy; but  my  father  intimated  that  he  was  doing 
right  in  the  omission,  because  he  was  building  a  n€W 
house.  About  the  same  time  some  soldiers  came 
home  from  the  aimy,  where  they  had  learned  to 
swear  horribly,  and  when  my  mother  reproved 
ihem,  they  said  they  had  learned  it  in  the  army, 
where  they  thought  it  was  right  to  swear,  to  make 
ihe  soldiers  brave  and  mind  their  duty  ;  but  here  at 
home,  they  believed  it  would  be  as  well  to  dispense 
with  it,  unless  it  was  on  some  extraordinary  occasion  ; 
but  ray  mother  would  not  allow  swearing  to  be  right 
on  any  occasion.  My  father  also  discountenanced 
the  practice  ;  but  a  difficulty  arose  in  my  mind  when 
I  contrasted  the  conduct  of  ray  father  in  neglecling 
prayer  and  that  of  the  soldiers  in  swearing.     My  fa- 


15 

iher  said  it  was  right  for  him  to  neglect  prayer  be- 
cause he  was  building  a  new  house,  and  had  so  many 
hands  about  him  ;  and  the  soldiers  said  it  was  right 
for  them  to  swear  because  it  was  war  time ;  but  my 
conscience  sided  with  my  mother's  sentiment,  that 
both  were  wrong  ;  however,  it  was  many  years  be- 
fore my  father  began  prayer  again  in  his  family,  and 
tfiose  sentiments  (of  my  father  and  the  soldiers)  ob- 
tained generally  in  the  neighborhood  ;  for  many  who 
had  prayed  in  their  families,  left  off,  and  others  who 
would  not  swear  at  home,  would  nevertheless,  swear 
profanely  at  raisings,  at  trainings,  and  when  on  a 
journey,  or  at  a  tavern.  J  remember,  one  day  at  a 
training,  a  boy  swore  wickedly,  and  another  boy  re- 
proved  him — he  stared  open  his  eyes  and  exclaimed, 
**  why  il*s  training  day." 

I  was  sent  to  school  in  this  new  settlement,  and  at 
first  it  seemed  that  the  scholars  and  master,  and  the 
neighbors  among  whom  1  visiled  would  never  see  a 
fault  in  me,  for  they  praised  every  thing  I  did  ;  but 
whether  they  saw  a  fault  in  me  or  not,  I  believe  the 
Lord  saw  many,  for  I  soon  began  to  swear  a  little 
(carefully)  when  among  the  boys  that  practised  it, 
though  I  dare  not  swear  before  those  that  I  thought 
would  tell  my  father  ;  and  when  1  first  began  to  use 
profane  language,  though  my  mates  were  well  pleas- 
ed with  it,  yet  my  conscience  was  smitten  with 
heavy  reproof,  so  that  for  weeks  I  dared  not  swear 
at  all;  somelhing  often  impressed  my  mind  wiih  an 
inquiry  of,  **  why  will  ye  die  ?"  I  can  truly  say,  I 
had  not  known  what  guilt  for  sin  was  till  now  ;  and  now 


itfi 


u 

bed  bloody,  and  the  skin  knocked  off  my  knuckles 
so  that  the  bones  were  bare.  The  next  morning  I 
found  some  pieces  of  skin  on  the  rafter  over  my  bed, 
in  such  a  manner  that  I  must  have  been  sitting  up 
in  bed  to  give  the  blow  in  that  place.  The  next 
morning  I  related  the  whole  affair  to  ihe  family, 
which  made  them  laugh  heartily.  Now  if  I  had  been 
one  of  that  sort  of  people  that  never  have  dreams,  I 
should  never  have  had  to  dress  my  wounded  knuck- 
les witii  the  bones  bare  for  five  or  six  weeks  ;  but 
this  was  an  occasion  to  disclose  all  niy  crime  of  steal* 
ing  willow  sticks. 

After  we  had  moved  to  Berkshire  county,  in  Mas- 
sachusetts, my  father  was  engaged  in  building  a 
house,  and  having  many  workmen,  he  omitted  pray- 
er in  his  family,  at  which  my  mother  was  very  un- 
easy; but  my  father  intimated  that  he  was  doing 
right  in  the  omission,  because  he  was  building  a  new 
house.  About  the  same  time  some  soldiers  came 
home  from  the  army,  where  they  had  learned  to 
swear  horribly,  and  when  my  mother  reproved 
them,  they  said  ihey  had  learned  it  in  the  army, 
where  they  thought  it  was  right  to  swear,  to  make 
the  soldiers  brave  and  mind  their  duty  ;  but  here  at 
home,  they  believed  it  would  be  as  well  to  dispense 
with  it,  unless  it  was  on  some  extraordinary  occasion  ; 
but  my  mother  would  not  allow  swearing  to  be  right 
on  any  occasion.  My  father  also  discountenanced 
the  practice  ;  but  a  difficulty  arose  in  my  mind  when 
I  contrasted  the  conduct  of  my  father  in  neglecting 
prayer  and  that  of  the  soldiers  in  swearing.     My  fa- 


15 

ther  said  it  was  right  for  him  to  neglect  prayer  be- 
cause he  was  building  a  new  house,  and  had  so  many 
hands  about  him  ;  and  the  soldiers  said  it  was  right 
for  them  to  swear  because  it  was  war  lime  :  but  my 
conscience  sided  with  my  mother's  sentiment,  that 
both  were  wrong  ;  however,  it  was  many  years  be- 
fore my  father  began  prayer  again  in  his  family,  and 
those  sentiments  (of  my  father  and  the  soldiers)  ob- 
tained generally  in  the  neighborhood  ;  for  many  who 
had  prayed  in  their  families,  left  off,  and  others  who 
would  not  swear  at  home,  would  nevertheless,  swear 
profanely  at  raisings,  at  trainings,  and  when  on  a 
journey,  or  at  a  tavern.  J  remember,  one  day  at  a 
training,  a  boy  swore  wickedly,  and  another  boy  re-* 
proved  him — he  stared  open  his  eyes  and  exclaimed, 
"  why  it's  training  day." 

I  was  sent  to  school  in  this  new  settlement,  and  at 
first  it  seemed  that  the  scholars  and  master,  and  the 
neighbors  among  whom  I  visited  would  never  see  a 
fault  in  me,  for  they  praised  every  thing  I  did  ;  but 
whether  they  saw  a  fault  in  me  or  not,  I  believe  the 
Lord  saw  many,  for  I  soon  began  to  swear  a  little 
(carefully)  when  among  the  boys  that  practised  it, 
though  I  dare  not  swear  before  those  that  I  thought 
would  tell  my  father  ;  and  when  I  first  began  to  use 
profane  language,  though  my  mates  were  well  pleas- 
ed with  it,  yet  my  conscience  was  smitten  with 
heavy  reproof,  so  that  for  weeks  I  dared  not  swear 
at  all ;  someihinjr  often  impressed  my  mind  wiih  an 
inquiry  of,  **  why  will  ye  die  ?"  I  can  truly  say,  I 
had  not  known  what  guilt  for  sin  was  till  now  ;  and  now 


f 


16 

I  had  only  guilt  for  doing  such  things  as  I  knew  were 
wrong,  and  swearing  I  had  known  to  be  wrong  :  for 
some  lime  there  appeared  two  powers  contending  in 
my  mind,  whether  I  would  indulge  in  swearing  like 
the  generality  of  boys,  and  the  most  of  men,  oi  whe- 
ther I  would  live  in  the  fear  of  God,  as  I  had  done. 
My  father's  plea  for  omitting  prayer,  and  the  swearer's 
plea  for  swearing,   bore  with  weight  on  my  mind; 
truly  I  liked  my  mother's  plea  belter  than  any  other ; 
but  then  she  had  acknowledged  that  most  of  people 
were  wicked,  and  it  was  a  prevailing  sentiment,  that  it 
was  right  to  be  in  the  fashion  and  follow  general  cus- 
tom  ;  so  that  after  struggling  three  or  four  months,  in 
which  time  I  had  spoken  five  or  six  wicked    words, 
whereby  I  had  lost  all  influence  over  my  mates  in 
reproving  them,  and  all  happinessin  prayer  or  religious 
instruction,  that  it  was  not  long  before  I  could  swear 
without  troubling  my  conscience  about  it,  and  for 
ihiee  years  I  presume  I  was  as  wicked  as  any  one  ; 
but  in  all  this  time  I  was  too  successful  in  keeping 
my  wickedness  hid  from  my  parents,  or  they  would 
have  reproved  me.     My  father  was  immersed  in  the 
cares  of  this  world,  summer  and  winter,  in  buildings, 
and  in  clearing  up  new  land,  and  some  merchandise. 
Many  were  the  hardships  of  all  classes  of  people  the 
two  last  years  of  the  war,  and  we  had  our  share,  but 
in   no  instance  did  I  ever  hear  my  father  swear  a 
profane  oath.   He  was  a  jovial  man  in  business,  very 
apt  to  joke  and  jest,  in  a  good  natured  way,  but  he 
must  drive  on  work.     My  work  was  to  go  on  errands, 
to  ride  about  and  collect  debts,  and  go  to  mill,  (Sec 


17 

in  which  T  had  opportunity   to  swear  without  the 
knowledge  of  my  parents  ;  and  when  alone,  I  would 
study  out  the  diff'erent  modes  of  expressing  myself 
wickedly,  soas  to  excel  in  this  business  ;  for  if  a  man 
did  not  go  beyond  the  customary  mode,  he  could  not 
gain^a  respectful  attention.    I  was  so  good  a  scholar 
in  this  science,  that  some   swearers  were  frightened 
at  what  I  said,  and  reproved  me— ihey  said  I  was 
too  bad  ;  this  gave  me  some  check,  for  I  thought  i^ 
I  should  go  too  far  for  the  wicked  themselves,  that  if 
my  parents  should  know  of  it,  and  reprove  me,  I  should 
have  none  to  plead  in  my  behalf,  and  I  should  of  course 
fall  into  disgrace  among  all.     About  this  time,  as  my 
father  was  one  morning  helping  me  away  to  the  mill, 
after  he  had  lifted  me  on  the  horse,  he  said,  "  Now, 
boy,  do   you  behave   well  to-day,  and  don't  let  me 
hear   of  any  more  of  your  wicked   talk."      As  he 
spoke    the  last   words,  turning  liis   head   away,  he 
sedmed  to  choke  with  grief ;  I  saw  a  tear  in  his  eye- 
he  walked  off  and  I  rode  on,  but  a  dagger  was  in  my 
heart.     I  began  to  consider  the  effect  my  wickedness 
had  on  my  father ;  he  was  grieved  beyond  expres- 
sion ;  my  mother  must  be  grieved  too — arid  what  a 
monster  of  a  wretch  was  I  to  grieve  such  parents. 
If  my  wickedness  would   grieve   them,  and  shock 
swearing  men  too,  what  will  be  the  consequence  of 
my  wickedness  to  me  ?  Why,  truly,  1  must  be  damn- 
ed, and  hell  must  be  my  portion  !     Yes,  my  mother 
has  often  told  me,  that  **  the  wicked  must  be  turned 
into  hell  with  all  the  nations  that  forget  God  ;"  and 
though  I  am  now  but  eleven   years  old,  and   may 


It 

live  a  great  while  to  enjoy  sinful  pleasures  ;  yel,  what 
of  all  that,  there  is  no  happiness  in  it,  for  the  wicked 
scorn  me  because  I  am  too  bad,  and  then  I  must  be 
damned  after  all.     Truly  I  am  a  wretch  undone,  and 
shall  be  damned  at  last !     Thus  I  had  my  meditation 
while  riding  four  miles  to  mill.     After  the  miller  had 
taken  off  my  grist,  1  went  into  the  house  to  warm 
me  ;  his  daughter  was  just  then  clearing  the  oven  of 
coals,   and  threw  them  on   the  fire,  which  made  it 
very  bright.     I  sat  looking  into  the  fire,  and  thought, 
**  must  I  lie  in  such  a  hoi  fire  as  that  to  all  eternity." 
I  fancied  that  I  saw  myself  in  the  fire,  writhing  and 
turning  myself  to  bear  the  torturing  pain,  when  sud- 
denly   I  saw  the  justice  of  God  in  my  misery,  be- 
cause I  had  sinned  ;  a  trembling  seized  me  ;  I  was 
afraid  the  family  would  notice  it,  and  ask  the  cause ; 
1  arose  and  steered  for  the  door — with  difficulty  I  got 
out,   and  to  keep  from  falling,  1  laid    hold  of  the 
garden  fence.     After  getting  breath  and  strength,  I 
walked  round  a  little  hill,  out  of  sight,  and  there  gave 
vent  to  my   tears.     Here  for  some  time  1  lament- 
ed my  profane  swearing  ;  other  wickedness  I  knew 
I  was  guilty  of,  but  this  sin  was    in  my  mind,  the 
fountain  of  all   my   sins,  because   therein  I  treated 
God  with  contempt  and  cast  off  his  fear  ;   I  raised 
my  mind  in  prayer,  but  there  was  no  access  to  God. 
I  thought  I  must  break  off  from  my  sins  before  God 
would  have  mercy  on   me,  and   I  must  set   about  it 
immediately  or  there  never  could  be  any  mercy  for 
me  ;  I  then  looked  round  to  see  if  any  body  saw  me, 
for  I  wanted  to  speak  out,  though  I  believed  that 


19 

God  was  omnipresent  in  hearing  and  seeing.     When 
I  found  I   was   alone,  I   put  my  hands  together,  and 
raising  them  up,  I  said,  "  O  Lord,  I  will  not  swear 
profanely  any  more  :"  adding  a  solemn  vow  to  this 
promise.     Now  I  thought  I  must  pay  unto  the  Lord 
this  vow,  or  I  should  certainly  be  damned ;  but  now 
there  was  some  hope  of  mercy  if  I  repented  aright, 
therefore  it  behoved  me  to   pay  close  attention  to 
keep  my  vow  and  not   to  swear  any  more.     Also  to 
break  off  from  all  other  sins,  although  I  had  not  so 
clear  a  sense  of  any  sin  as  that  of  swearing,  and  I 
understood  that  real  repentance  was  to  be  sensible 
of  my  sins,  to  feel  a  suitable  sorrow  for  them,  and 
also  to  forsake  them.     In   order,  therefore,  that  this 
and  other  sins  might  be  clearly  manifest  to  m'e,  I 
made  it  a  practice  to  use  such  language  in  prayer  as 
this,  "  0  Lord,  teach  me  my  sins,"     Then  I  would 
wait  to  have  some  sin  brought  to  my  thoughts  :  some- 
times I  had  many  sins  brought  to  my  remembrance, 
for  which  I  would  ask  pardon  with  weeping  eyes, 
expressing   my  sincere  sorrow   for  them  ;  at  other 
limes  when  1  said  this  short  prayer,  1  would  add, 
"  and  help  me  to  repent  aright,"  for  I  thought  if  I 
did  not  repent  aright,  I   should  be  justly  damned  for 
unfaithfulness   in   repenting;  and  lest  I  should   be 
guilty  of  **  using  vain  repetitions  as  the  heathen  do," 
I  would  wait  solemnly  with  my  mind  intently  fixed 
on  God  for  an  answer.    1  read  the  Scriptures  with 
greater  attention  than   ever,  and  in  private  I  would 
weep  and  mourn  for  my  sins ;  I  had  some  fears  that 
I  should  not  find  mercy  at  last ;  nevertheless  I  prayed 


# 


20 

heartily  that  the  Lord  would  spare  my  life  until  I 
could  completely  repent.  At  one  time  I  felt  encour- 
aged, that  if  I  were  faithful,  I  should  repent  enough 
by  the  time  I  was  thirty  years  old  ;  but  after  awhile, 
I  began  to  see  that  my  sins  were  greater  than  I  had 
thought  them  to  be,  that  I  had  not  felt  sorrow  enough 
for  them,  and  that  I  had  not  made  sufficient  confes- 
sion to  obtain  pardon,  and  now  I  must  go  over  with 
ihem  again.  Now  the  most  of  my  nights  I  spent  in 
weeping  ;  my  pillow  and  my  shirt  collar  were  often 
wet  with  tears,  and  I  would  arise  early  to  wash  my 
face  for  fear  some  one  would  discover  that  I  had 
been  crying,  and  ask  me  what  was  the  matter,  which 
I  dare  not  make  known  at  that  time,  for  my  mother 
had  been  so  opposed  in  her  good  designs,  that  she 
was  discouraged,  and  had  said,  it  was  in  vain  for  any 
one  to  try  and  worship  God  unless  in  secret.  There 
was  one  sin  I  had  committed  besides  swearing,  that 
for  awhile  I  thought  could  not  be  forgiven  me.  It 
was  this  :  I  was  one  day  by  an  old  saw  mill,  and 
looking  round  among  the  rotten  timber,  I  saw  a 
small  iron  staple  in  a  rotten  billet :  this  *I  coveted 
and  took  it  along  with  me  :  on  my  way  home  I  was 
convicted  in  my  mind  that  this  was  stealing,  and  if 
my  parents  knew  it,  they  would  chastise  me  :  but  I 
was  not  willing  to  carry  it  back,  and  I  was  afraid  of 
being  detected  at  home  :  at  first,  I  knew  not  what  to 
do,  when  it  was  suddenly  suggested  to  my  mind,  to 
throw  it  forward  in  the  road  and  then  find  it,  and  say 
I  found  it:  this  suited  my  carnal  mind, — I. did  so, 
but  no  one  ever  asked  me  about  it  and  I  forgot  it, 


21 

until  now  it  was  brought  to  my  recollection ;  and 
oh  !  the  keen  remorse  and  guilt  I  felt ;  I  viewed  it 
to  be  stealing  as  really  as  if  I  had  taken  a  thousand 
pounds  in  money  ;  and  what  aggravated  my  con- 
demnation was,  that  I  had  a  check  of  conscience  at 
the  time,  and  did  not  regard  it,  and  then  I  might  have 
given  again  that  which  I  had  robbed,  (as  it  is  written 
in  the  Scriptures,  Ezekielxviii.)  but  now  it  was  lost, 
and  therefore  too  late.  I  began  to  conclude  that  I 
should  not  get  through  my  repentance  until  I  was 
fifty  or  sixty  years  old  ;  but  I  had  a  hope  that  I 
should  find  mercy  then.  I  prayed  earnestly  that  I 
might  live,  and  I  had  greater  hopes  of  living  than  I 
had  of  finding  mercy  or  pardon  at  last,  because  I 
thought  the  Lord  had  answered  my  prayer  in  bring- 
ing my  sins  to  my  remembrance,  and  he  perfectly 
knew  my  sincere  design  to  repent  faithfully,  so  that 
if  he  had  any  mercy  for  me',  he  would  give  me  a 
good  space  to  repent,  though  he  did  not  pardon  me 
at  the  end  of  sixty  years.  I  began  to  pray  more 
earnestly  that  he  would  bring  my  sins  to  my  mind 
in  their  worst  appearance,  and  shew  me  how  bad  I 
had  been,  and  how  bad  I  was  now.  Sometimes  so 
many  sins  would  come  to  my  remembrance,  that  I 
could  not  express  a  suitable  sorrow  for  them  all,  and 
would  forget  some  of  them.  I  thought  of  the  num- 
ber of  times  I  had  sworn  profanely,  and  the  injury  it 
had  done  to  others  in  hardening  them  in  wickedness, 
as  well  as  encouraging  them  to  commit  some 
sins  that  they  would  not  have  committed  if  it  had 
not  been  for  me ;  also  the  number  of  times  I  had 


^S 


-iv^V 


22 

been  angry  and  wished  some  curse  upon  some  per- 
sons, and  the  sins  ihey  had  committed  in  consequence 
of  it ;  all  these  things  made  me  despair  of  obtaining 
pardon  until  I  was  eighty  years  old,  and   I  doubted 
much  whether  I  should  live  so  many  years;  but  when 
I  considered  that  my  grandfather  was  about  that  age, 
and  I  had  heard  say,  that  it  was  hereditary  for  chil- 
dren to  live  to  be  old,  whose  grand-parents  had  lived 
long,  and  that   all   my  grand-parents  on  my  fathers 
and  mother's  side  had  lived,  oi  were  like  to  live,  to 
that  age,  and  as  my  designs  were  now  so  good,  there- 
fore  I   had   a   faint   hope  of    living   and  obtaining 
mercy  at  last ;  still  I  prayed  to  see  the  worst  of  my 
state,  and  paid  more  attention  to  the  tempers  of  my 
mind,  by  comparing  them  to  that  holiness  that  was 
necessary  to  enjoy  an  holy  God,  I  found,  to  my  un- 
speakable grief  and  dismay,  that  I  was  altogether 
unholy  in  my  nature ;  my  sins  had  corrupted  every 
part,  so  that  there  was  nothing  in  me  that  was  good  ; 
I  was  a  complete  sink  of  sin  and  iniquity  ;  I  looked 
to  see  if  there  was  no  way  to  escape,  if  God  could 
not  be  just  and  have  mercy  on  me  :  but  no,  my  sins 
were  of  that  nature  that  they  had  made  my  nature 
.sinful;  I   cried  out   when  alone,  "  0  wretch  that  I 
am  !  undone  for  ever !    all  my  hopes  of  obtaining 
mercy  and  getting  to  Heaven  at  last,  are  gone,  and 
gone  for  ever  !  and  it  is  all  just  and  right  with  God." 
Still  it  is  a  little  mercy  to  me  that  I  am  not  killed 
and  damned  out-right ;  I  may  live  here  awhile,  but 
then  at  last  I  must  be  damned  !  and  to  pray  for  my- 
self will  do  no  good ;  there  is  no  mercy  for  me  ;  I 


can  do  nothing  that  will  make  amends  for  my  sins, 
ihey  are  past  and  cannot  be  recalled  :  0  wretch 
that  I  am  !  I  have  undone  myself,  and  am  undone 
for  ever.  Well,  what  shall  I  do  now  ?  To  pray  for 
mercy  for  myself  is  all  in  vain ;  though  I  feel  no 
guilt  for  what  I  have  done  in  praying  and  confessing 
my  sins  for  some  weeks  past,  yet  to  continue  in  this, 
now  I  see  my  end,  will  be  a  vain  employment ;  it 
was  just  and  right  that  1  should  pray  and  repent,  that 
I  might  see  my  end.  But  now  what  shall  I  do?  To 
sin  is  the  worst  of  all,  I  have  done  too  much  of  that 
already ;  ah  !  that  has  been  my  undoing.  I  could 
say,  • 

Let  me  to  some  wild  desert  go, 

And  find  a  peaceful  home  ; 
Where  storms  of  malice  never  blow, 

Temptations  never  come. 

But  that  would  be  too  good  a  place  for  me,  I  de- 
served to  be  damned  ;  but  this  I  could  not  pray  for. 
For  four  days  I  was  in  this  state  of  despair,  and  had 
neglected  my  staled  hours  of  secret  retirement  for 
prayer.  When  one  Sabbath,  having  been  reading 
of  the  sufferings  of  Christ,  I  had  an  impression  to 
go  in  secret  and  pray  ;  I  went,  but  on  the  way,  the 
thought  struck  me.  What  can  you  pray  for  ?  It  is  in 
vain  to  pray  for  yourself.  Well,  I  said,  (while  all 
nature  around  looked  more  dismal  to  me  than  a 
mourning  shroud.)  I  can  pray  for  other  poor  sinners, 
that  are  not  so  bad  as  I  am  ;  and  seeing  I  must  be 
damned,  I  can  be  willing  to,   if  God  would  but  save 


Ik 


2* 

some  others  by  that  means.    I  thought  how  tiappy 
must  Jesus  Christ  have  been  when  he  suffered  for 
sinners.     It  would  yield  some  satisfaction  to  nie,   ii 
my  misery  can  be  a  cause  of  happiness  to   others  ; 
but  when  I  came  to  the  place  of  prayer,  had  kneeled 
down   and  closed  my  eyes,  with  my  hands  uplilted 
toward  the  heavens,  I  saw  Jesus  Christ  at  the  right 
hand  of  God  looking  down  upon  me,  and  God  the 
Father  looking  upon  him.     The  look  of  Jesus  on  me 
removed  the   burden  of  my  sins,   while  he  spoke 
these  words,   "  Be  faithful  unto  death  and  this  shall 
be  thy  place  of  rest."     I  never  had  seen  Jesus  Christ 
befdTe,  nor  heard  his  voice,   nor  ever  had  a  sense  ot 
his  intercession  at  the  right  hand  of  God  for  me  till 
now ;   and  now  I  could   see  the  justice  of  God  m 
shewing  mercy  to  me  for  the  sake  of  his  Son  Jesus 
Christ ;  and  not  only  to  me,  but  to  all  that  would 
come  to  him  forsaking  Uieir  sins,  and  believing  that 
his  death  and  suffering  were  the  only  satisfactory 
sacrifice  for  sin.    I  felt  a  sudden  sense  of  the  im- 
propriety of  my  offer  to  be  damned  for  the  good  of 
others,  though  I  had  no  condemnation  for  it ;  but 
the  love  of  God  in  Christ  and  of  Christ  in  God,  so 
completely  overcame  me,  that  I  was   all  in  tears, 
crying.  Glory  !  Glory  !  Glory  !    Beholding  the  glory 
of  God  by  faith,  was  a  rapturous  sight ;  but  soon  it 
was  suggested  that  I  must  open  my  eyes  on  creation ; 
and  feeling  an  ardent  desire  for  company  to  encour- 
age me  in  this  worship  of  God,  it  appeared  that  on 
opening  my  eyes  I  should  see  some.    I  0P«"«<1  J"? 
eyes  therefore,  while  still  on  my  knees  :  and  behold 


25 

all  nature  was  praising  God.  The  sun  and  firma- 
ment, the  trees,  birds,  and  beasts,  all  appeared  stamp- 
ed with  the  glory  of  God-  I  leaped  from  my 
kneeling  posture,  clapped  my  hands,  and  cried. 
Glory  I  Glory  !  Glory  !  Heaven  and  earth  is  full  of 
thy  glory.     Then  I  sung. 

Command  his  praise  abroad, 

And  hymns  of  glory  sing  ; 
Jehovah  is  the  Sovereign  I.ord, 

The  universal  King. 

I  understood  now  what  I  had  read  of  the  children 
singing  hosannah  to  the  son  of  David,  blessed  is  the 
Kins  that  comeih  in  the  name  of  ihe  Lord.  Hosan- 
nah  in  the  highest  !  After  I  had  sung  this  verse 
two  or  three  times  over,  I  began  another, — putting 
my  hands  together,  and  saying  :  now,  O  Lord  ac- 
cept what  1  will  sing  to  Thee, 

Might  I  enjoy  the  meanest  place, 
Within  thy  house,  O  God  of  grace  : 
No  tents  of  ease  nor  thrones  of  power, 
Shall  tempt  my  feet  to  leave  thy  door. 

This  verse  I  sung  as  nny  covenant  with  the  Lord  ; 
I  felt  all  subniission,  and  all  joy.  I  knew  my  sins 
were  all  forgiven  nie,  and  if  faithful,  I  should  reign 
with  God  in  glory.  I  thought  now  I  shall  see 
no  more  trouble  for  ever,  for  the  Lord  has  made  the 
world  over  anew — there  is  nothing  in  it  to  disturb  or 
distress  me.  I  have  got  more  than  I  ever  thought 
of  enjoying  in  this  world  ;  then  I  would  stop  as  I 
was    walking  homeward,  and   again   give   glory  to 

2 


-■^■w 

^ 


%, 


W, 


%K- 


I 


36 

God.     I  ihoughl  if  I  had  had  my  eyes  open,  I  might 
have  seen  how  ihe  Lord  made  the  world  over  again. 
And  then  I  thought  again,  if  I  had   kept  my  eyes 
open,  I  should  not  have   seen  God   in   glory,  and 
Jesus  Christ,  which  was  the  best  of  all.     I  supposed 
however,  that    God  shook  the  earth  with  a  flash  of 
lightning,  while  I   was  on  my  knees,  and  I  was  so 
overwhelmed  in   beholding  his  glory,  that  I  did  not 
notice  it.     Then  I  would  stop  as  I  was  walking  and 
give  glory  to  God.     Now,   thought   I,  I  will  take 
the  meanest  place  in  the  service  of  God  here,  for  I 
have  been  the  greatest  sinner  that  ever  lived.     But 
I  thought  that  whereas  my  brothers  and  sisters  were 
better  than  myself,  and  as  the  present  experience 
was  a  wonderful  display  of  mercy,  I   feared  that  if 
I  said  any  thing  about  it  they  might  think  it  a  vain 
boast   of  goodness  ;  and  it  would  seem  as  though  I 
did  not  take  the  lowest  place.     I  this  frame  of  mind, 
I  went   on  to  the  house,  expecting  to  see  the  same 
chant^e  in  my  brothers  and  sisters,  that  I  saw  in  all 
creation  around.     But  when  I  entered  the  house  and 
saw  them,  I  was  disappointed, — they  did  not  appear 
as   I   expected  they  would.      The  disappointment 
caused  sudden  grief,  and   I  retired  immediately  to  a 
secret  place,  to  give  vent  to   my  tears.     Here  I  re- 
solved to  keep  the  knowledge  of  what  1  had  seen  and 
felt  to  myself,  until  I  should  be  a  man.     With  the 
poet,  I  could  say, 

With  pleasing  grief  and  mournful  joy, 
My  spirit  now  was  fiU'd. 


i 


1 


CHAPTER  n. 

My  custom  after  this  was  to  pray  in  some  secret 
place,  as  often  as  I  could,  and  to  keep  in  a  praying 
frame  of  mind  at  all  times.  To  read  the  Scriptures, 
and  listen  to  the- religious  conversation  of  the  few 
that  said  any  thing  about  religion.  To  watch  over 
my  tempers,  and  not  let  them  arise  to  frelfulness  and 
anger.  To  live  in  a  sober  frame  of  mind,  and  never 
jest  nor  trifle  with  any  one.  I  was  now  about  twelve 
years  of  age,  and  had  no  one  to  whom  I  dared  open 
my  mind.  But  without  these  means,  I  enjoyed  un-. 
interrupted  peace  with  God, 

Awake  or  asleep,  at  home  or  abroad, 
I  was  still  surrounded  with  my  God. 

I  was  not  afraid  to  die,  nor  did  I  desire  it;  I 
wished  only  to  learn  of  Jesus  to  be  meek  and  lowly  ; 
I  found  I  was  not  beyond  temptation,  nor  could 
the  devil  harm  me  if  I  was  only  faithful  to  the 
Lord.  My  tears  were  tears  of  gratitude  to  the 
Lord  for  his  unbounded  love.  I  made  it  my  prac- 
tice to  say  no  more  to  any  one,  than  my  business 
with  them  required  ;  and  spent  the  rest  of  my  lime  in 
meditation  and  prayer.  Nothing  discouraged  me, 
or  clouded  my  sky,  until  I  began  to  listen  to  Captain 


% 


28 

B 'i  conversation,  and  to  reason  upon  liis  notions 

of  God's  decrees,  and  of  unconditional  election,  and 
unconditional   reprobation  ;    I   heard  him   say  that 
God   had  decreed  all   things  whatsoever  cometh  to 
pass,  sin   not  accepted  ;  and  that  God  had  elected 
from  before   the   foundation  of  the   world,   all  that 
ever  would  or  could  be  saved  ;  and   the  rest  were 
reprobated,  so  that  they  could  not  be  saved.     Of  the 
elect  he  said,  they  might  live  here  in  sin  and  wicked- 
ness all  their  days,  until  a  little  before  the  breath 
went  out  of  their  bodies,  and  then  God  would  by 
his  special  grace  convert   them,   and  take  them  to 
Heaven.      Of  the  reprobates   he   said,   they  might 
have  conviction  of  sin,  and   repent  and   live    appa- 
rently very  religious  lives,  so   that  we  might  think 
them  very  good   Christians  ;  but  God   would  never 
convert  them  ;  and  though  they  might  live  moral, 
and  seemingly  religious  lives,  until  they  were  eighty 
or  ninety  years  old,  it  would  only  work  out  for  them 
an  aggravated  damnation  ;  for  God  had  fixed  them 
for  it  by  his  eternal  decree,  while  the  elect  could 
not   possibly  commit    a  sin,  that  could  in  any  wise 
endanger  their  salvation.     If  a  man  committed  mur- 
der many  times,  or  hung  himself,  and  he  was  only 
one  of   Gud's  elect,    he  would    be  pardoned  and 
taken   immediately  to  Heaven  ;  that  good  works,  or 
faith,  or  any  thing  we  could  do,  was  no  condition  of 
our  salvation,  for  it  was  unconditional ;  that  it  all 
depended  on  the  covenant  of  grace,  and  this  cove- 
nant of  grace,  he  represented  as  being  wholly  with 


29 

the  Father  and  the  Son,  before  the  foundation  of  the 
world  ;  that  the  Father  then  gave  all  the  elect  to  his 
Son,  if  he  would  die  for  them,  and  the  rest  were  left 
and  reprobated. 

I  found  the  neighbours  all  agreed  with  him,  for 
those  who  did  not  say  so  in  plain  words,  would  say 
"  Aye  !"  without  dispute,  and  so  pass  along.  My 
father  was  one  of  those  that  said  Aye  ! 

The  minister  of  our  town,  said  that  Captain  B. 
was  a  man  of  good  understanding  ;  and  I  under- 
stood the  minister  to  hold  the  same  sentiments.  He 
would  often  say  these  were  great  mysteries:  but 
then  we  must  believe  them.  He  often  spoke  of  the 
covenant  of  grace  as  being  the  foundation  of  all  our 
hopes.  I  well  remember  it  was  said,  this  covenant 
was  between  the  Father  and  the  Son  ;  and  that  the 
condition  of  it  was  fulfilled  on  the  part  of  the  elect  by 
Christ  ;  and  therefore,  there  was  no  condition  for 
the  creature  to  fulfil.  So  then,  all  that  were  giv- 
en to  the  Son  in  the  covenant  of  grace,  were  redeem- 
ed by  Christ,  and  saved  by  an  effectual  calling,  with- 
out any  works  that  the  creature  could  do.  As  to 
good  works,  it  was  said,  that  all  works  of  the  crea- 
ture before  he  was  effectually  called  were  wicked 
in  the  sight  of  God.  But  those,  and  only  those,  done 
after  he  was  effectually  called  and  converted,  were 
good  in  the  sight  of  God.  Though  we  were  apt  to 
call  some  works  good  before  this  change  was  wrought. 
I  remember  they  spoke  of  some  reprobates,  how  they 
might  live  seemingly  very  religious  lives  until  they 

2* 


30 

were  eighty  or  ninety  years  old  ;  but  all  this  would 
only  work  out  for  them  a  more  aggravated  damna- 
tion. 

In  the  course  of  three  or  four  months  those  prin- 
ciples were  all  advanced  in  my  hearing,  and  I  paid 
particular  attention  to  them  :  I  had  supposed  that 
Christian  men,  and  especially  ministers,  knew  all 
about  God's  plan  of  salvation,  and  that  I  must  learn 
of  them:  but  on  hearing  these  things  my  mind  was 
staggered  ;  I,  however,  dared  not  deny  them,  or  al- 
low myself  to  think  that  they  were  not  so,  for  there 
was  a  maxim  often  repeated  to  give  children  a  sense 
of  their  ignorance,  and  to  make  them  regard  the 
counsel  of  the  old  people,  that — **  young  folks  think 
old  folks  to  be  fools  ;  but  old  folks  know  young  folks 
to  be  fools  ;"  so  I  thought  I  must  be  a  fool  in  order 
to  be  wise. 

I  often  struggled  to  suppress  doubts  that  arose  in 
my  mind  with  respect  to  the  consistency  of  such  a 
system  ;  but  I  would  say  to  myself  when  alone,  it 
must  be  so ;  those  that  assert  it  are  men  and  Chris- 
tians too,  they  therefore  must  know  ;  and  what  am  I, 
that  I  should  doubt  it :  then  I  would  desire  that  I 
might  know  that  I  was  one  of  the  elect  ;  but  I  would 
say,  how  shall  I  know  ?  How  can  I  know  ?  I  read 
the  Scriptures  but  I  cannot  find  out  by  that.  I  have 
heard  no  voice  saying  to  me,  you  are  elected.  It 
was  suggested  to  my  mind  one  day,  that  I  must  try 
some  experiment  to  know  this,  as  I  read  of  holy 
men  of  old  trying.     But  I  said  :  what  shall  it  be  ?  I 


\ 


31 

thought  of  the  case  of  Gideon's  fleece  of  wool ;  and 
of  the  prophet  that  called  for  fire,  and  of  Christ's 
cursing  the  fig-tiee  ;  but  I  thought  if  I  should  pray 
to  the  Lord  to  do  any  thing  miraculous  as  a  sign  that 
I  was  elected  ;  and  if  he  should  not  do  it,  it  would  be 
a  sign  that  I  was  reprobated.     This  I  did  not  want 
to  know.     It  was  suggested  to  me  that  I  should  ask 
the  Lord  to  cause  a  bush  to  wither  and  die  ;  and  if 
it  should  die,  it  would  be  a  sign  that  I   was  elected. 
But  again  it  was  suggested  that  if  it  did  not,  it  would 
be  a  sign  that  I  was  not  elected.     I  dared  not  attempt 
an  experiment  so  unhkely  to  succeed  agreeable  to 
my  mind.     At  length  I  hit  on  an  expedient  that  I 
was  in  hopes  would  succeed  to  settle  the  difficulty  : 
It  was  by  making  a  mark,  and  standing  at  so  great  a 
distance  from  it  that  I  could  not  fairly  jump   over  it 
without  some  extraordinary   assistance,   and  yet  so 
that  I  might   get  my  feet  over  the  mark  in  such  a 
manner  that  it  should  not  prove  that  I  was  reprobated. 
This  I  tried  very  solemnly.     First,  I  most  earnestly 
prayed  that  God  would  assist  me.     If  I  got  my  feet 
a  little  over  the  mark,  it  would   be  suggested  to  my 
mind,  that  it  was  no  sign  because  I  did  not  jump 
fairly  over.     Well,  said  I,  it  is  no  sign  that  1  am  re- 
probated,  for  I  got  my  feet  over  the  mark  ;  if  I 
shortened  the  distance  so  that  by  jumping  with  all 
my  might,  1  could  clear  the  mark  fairly,  it  would 
be  suggested,  that  is  no  sign  that  you  are  elected, 
for  this  you  did  without    special  help  from  God. 
Thus  I  worried  myself  for  some  time  when  alone, 
without  obtaining  any  evidence  that  I  was  elected ; 


32 


33 


i 


M 


but  I  was  careful  to  work  the  mailer  so  that  there 
should  be  no  proof  that  1  was  reprobated  :  however, 
while  praying  to  the    Lord  wiih  tears   and  strong 
cries,  that  he  would  graciously  shew  me  that  I  was 
elected,  it  would  be  suggested  to  my  mind  as  one 
asking  me,  Why  do  you  want  to  know  that  you  are 
elected  ?     I  would  reply— 0  Lord,  if  I  knew  that  I 
was  elected,  I  should  have  good  reason  to  live  faith- 
ful in  thy  service,  to  watch  and  pray,  &c.     Then  as 
if  an  impression  of  mind  answered,  Live  faiihful  and 
you  shall  be  elect !     This  would  so  satisfy  my  mind 
for  that  time,  that   I  was  encouraged   to  double  my 
diligence   in   watchfulness  and  prayer.     Many  were 
the  sweet  seasons  I  had  in  secret  places  :  sometimes 
I  felt  such  a  sense  of  the  goodness  of  God  in  saving 
me,  a  poor  sinner,  that  with  tears  I  would  cry  no- 
thing  but  glory,  praise,  and  honor  be  unto  the  Lord 
forever ;  and  close  my  exercise  with  singing  or  re- 
peating, 

*•  Might  I  enjoy  the  meanest  place. 
Within  thy  house,  0  God  of  grace  ; 
No  tents  of  ease,  nor  thrones  of  power, 
Shall  tempt  my  feet  to  lea^e  thy  door." 

In  watchfulness  I  felt  it  a  duty  to  guard  against  the 
rising  of  anger  or  impatience  ;  and  when  lempted  to 
fret  about  any  thing,  I  strove  against  it  by  lifting  my 
heart  to  the  Lord  in  prayer ;  generally,  I  was  sue- 
cessful  in  suppressing  the  attacks  of  anger,  so  as  not 
10  feel  guilt  or  have  cause  to  repent  with  grief  for 
any  thing  I  said  or  did  on   those  occasions;  but 


M*- 


iiitmJjm^m '  •  -^i 


when  unwatchful,  and  a  provocation  to  fretfulness 
occurred,  I  was  so  overtaken  in  anger  that  it  would 
cause    several  days  grief    for  my  unwatchfulness ; 
generally,  those   turns  of  fretfulness  overcame  me 
when  I  had  been  forgetful  of  my  duty  to  watch  ;  then 
I  would  upbraid  myself  with  unfaithfulness,  and  think 
with  how  much  greater  severity  would  the  blessed 
Jesus  reprove  me  than  he  did  Martha,  when  she 
fretted.      I  always  found  that  forgetfulness  of  the 
duty  of  watching  was  the  cause  why  I  was  overtaken 
in  the  sin  of  anger.     Sometimes  these  words  would 
sound  in  my  mind.  What  I  say  unto  you  I  say  unto 
all,   WATCH.     O    what  a  duty  !     0  how  careless  I 
have  been  !    I  cannot  expect  the  Lord  will  bless  me 
if  I  do  not  obey  him.     This  inattention  to  duty  is  the 
cause  of  all  my  faults  and  robs  me  of  my  happiness. 
At  length  I  threatened  myself  with  some  kind  of  pun- 
ishment if  I  was  unmindful  of  duty  again  :  so  one 
day  while  alone  at  work,  in   heaping  brush,  I  was 
suddenly  tempted,  and  at  the 'same  time  so  careless 
of  duty,  that  I  had  like  to  have  been  overtaken  in 
sinful  anger  :  I  paused  and  considered,  that  all  this 
happened  to  me  for  my  unwatchfulness.     I  chided 
myself,  and  grieved,  that  notwithstanding  the  past 
reproof  I  had  given  myself,  I  was  still  forgetful  of 
my  duty.     I  concluded  that  my  reproofs  and  resolu- 
tions were  not  sufficient  to  make  me  remember,  and 
therefore  I  would  go   to  my  father  and  ask  him  to 
whip  me  severely.     So  I  left  my  work  and  got  about 
half-way  to  the  house,  when  I  thought  that  my  fa- 
ther would  ask  me  why  I  wanted  to  be  whipped  ; 


m 


fe> 


34 

and  If  he  should  ask  this,  I  must  tell  hliu  the  truth  ; 
then  it  would  be  known  that  I  was  deternnined  to 
serve  God,  and  if  I  was  not  elected  it  would  be 
worse  for  me  to  have  it  known.  I  then  turned 
back,  and  concluded  to  hurt  myself  in  some  way  so 
bad,  that  I  should  remember  it  in  future.  I  did  so, 
for  I  took  a  stick  of  brush,  and  after  talking  to  my- 
self as  my  father  would  do  to  reprove  me  for  forget- 
fulness,  I  then  paid  on  over  my  head  and  shoulders, 
and  as  my  stick  was  full  of  limbs  and  knots,  one 
sharp  knot  pierced  my  forehead  and  cut  to  the  bone, 
which  caused  me  to  give  over  flogging  myself;  but 
though  I  had  hurt  myself  badly,  I  said  it  was  good 
enough  for  me,  now  learn  from  this  lime  to  be  faith- 
ful to  God.  The  blood  ran  down  so  that  I  had  diffi- 
culty to  slop  it.  I  went  to  the  house  to  get  the  wound 
dressed — my  mother  asked  me  how  I  hurt  me  so,  I 
told  her  a  knot  in  one  of  ihe  slicks  of  brush  had  hit  me 
there.  She  dressed  my  wound,  expressing  pity  and 
compassion  for  me,  and  charged  me  to  be  careful  whilo 
at  work  among  ihe  brush,  not  to  hurt  myself.  Well, 
thought  I,  when  alone,  mother  did  well  not  to  ask 
me  in  what  manner  the  knot  hurt  me,  so  the  iruth 
of  the  business  is  not  known  and  I  have  told  no  false- 
hood. This  correction,  though  very  foolish,  did  me 
much  good.  1  thought  my  attention  was  belter  fixed 
on  my  duty  afterward,  than  before,  and  partly  be- 
cause the  sore  was  some  time  in  healing,  ihat  I  was 
thereby  daily  and  hourly  reminded  of  it  for  several 
weeks.  After  this  the  impressions  on  my  mind  lo 
dissuade  me  from  prayer,  were  in  a  different  man- 


35 

ner.     Often  when  I  have  been  going  in  secret  for 
prayer  and  meditation,  it  has  bolted  into  my  mind, 
if  you  are  elected  to  he  saved,  you  will  be  saved;  and 
if  you  are  reprobated  to  be  damned.you  willbedamned^ 
and  why  need  you  pray  so  much  1  Sometimes  I  pray- 
ed the  more  fervently,  and   entreated   the  Lord  lo 
show  me  if  I  were  elected,  but  never  obtained  any 
answer,  only,  the  inquiry  would  arise  in  my  mind, 
Why  do  you  want  to  know  this  ?     Often  I  would  an- 
swer, If  I  could  know  it,  it  would  be  an  encourage- 
ment to  me  to  serve  the  Lord  ;  and  as  often  I  was  an- 
swered again.  Serve  the  Lord  and  you  will  be  elect- 
ed.    This  caused  me  to  doubt  whether  Capt.  B.  was 
right  in  saying,  that  God  had  unconditionally  elected 
one  part  of  his  creatures  from  before  the  foundation  of 
the  world,  and  reprobated  the  rest,  and  that  there  was 
no  condition  in  the  covenant  of-electing  grace.  I  was 

often  perplexed  with  those  sayings  of  Capt.  B 's  ; 

but  on  reading  the  Bible  I  found  encouragement  to 
pray  and  hope  for  the  blessing  of  the  Lord  ;  but  the 

conversation  of  Capt.   B ,  and  all  others  that  I 

then  heard  say  any  thing  about  religion,  again  dis- 
heartened  and  caused  me  to  doubt  whether  I  ought 
to  piay  at  all ;  for  I  heard  them  say  that  all  the 
prayers  and  good  works  of  those  whom  God  had 
reprobated,  were  only  an  abomination  to  the  Lord, 
and  very  sinful :  as  I  could  not  get  any  certain  evi- 
dence that  I  was  elected,  I  sometimes  thought  I  was 
only  working  out  a  more  aggravated  damnation  ;  then 
I  would  cry  out,  does  every  body  believe  so  ?  And 
often  this  text  was  suggested  to  my  mind,  *'Befaith' 


36 

Jul  until  deaths  and  I  loill  give  you  a  crown  of  life ;" 

but  the  next  time  I  heard  Capt.  B ,  or  any  other, 

talk  of  unconditional  decrees,  election,  and  reproba- 
tion, &c.,  my  mind  would  be  perplexed  again.  At 
last,  after  closely  thinking  the  subject  over  and  over, 
I  reasoned  thus — as  I  was  a  boy  of  only  about  twelve 
years  old,  it  was  very  wrong  in  me  to  contradict  what 
men  said,  therefore  the  things  they  had  spoken  of  in  my 
hearing  were  all  right,  only  I  could  not  see  them  so. 
Well  then,  said  I,  if  it  be  so,  what  shall  I  do ;  if 
God  has  elected  me  I  never  can  be  lost  j  if  God  has 
reprobated  me  I  never  can  be  saved ;  and  if  I  live 
ever  so  religiously  until  I  am  eighty  or  ninety  years 
old,  must  notwithstanding  be  danined,  and  have  a 
more  aggravated  damnation  than  I  should  if  I  were 
to  hang  myself  and  go  to  hell  now ;  besides,  if  I 
were  to  hang  myself,  I  should  thereby  put  myself  be- 
yond the  power  of  committing  any  more  sin,  and  the 
Lord  knows  that  I  would  suffer  almost  any  thing, 
rather  than  commit  any  more  sin ;  it  is  odious  and 
grievous  to  my  soul.  But  if  I  am  elected,  and  it  is 
possible  that  I  am,  then  though  I  hang  myself,  I 
shall  go  straijjht  to  Heaven,  and  certainly  I  had 
rather  be  in  Heaven  than  here;  but,  thought  I,  it 
is  best  to  consider  dus  well  ;  then  I  would  go  over 
it  again— I  am  a  boy~ihey  are  men— and  the  min- 
ister says  it  loo,  and  they  must  know.  And  some 
have  said,  an  elect  person  may  commit  murder,  and 
live  in  sin,  till  the  last  breath  went  out  of  his  body, 
and  then  God  would  convert  him,  and  take  him  to 


37 

Heaven.     Besides  I  have  heard  them  say,  that  sin 
shall  work  for  good  to  the  elect :  while  religion  will 
work  a  more    aggravated  damnation  to  the   repro- 
bates.    Now,  to  be  damned,  as  I  am,  is  bad  enough ; 
but  to  increase  my  misery  by  living  long,  seeing  I 
know  how  to  prevent  it,  would  not  be  wise  in  me. 
And  besides  it  is  said,  of   two  evils  choose  theleast, 
and  to  hang  myself,  would  only  be  an  injury  done  to 
myself  alone.     But  should  I  live  until  I  am    ninety 
years  old,  I  might  commit  a  great  many  sins  that 
would  injure  others;  so  that  to  choose  the  least  evil, 
and  hang  myself  is  rather  a  duty  than  a  sin.     But, 
said  I  to  myself,   all  depends  on  the  truth  of  what 
Capt.  B.  and  others  say;  if  they  are  right,  I  was 
either  elected,  or  reprobated  from  all  eternity  ;  my 
fate  is  fixed,  and   nothing  can  be   altered  ;  and  they 
say  the  Scriptures  mean  so,  where  election  is  spoken 
of-_and  they  are  men  and   I  am  a   boy  ;  and  what 
can  be  more  foolish  than  for  me  to  contradict  men, 
and  men  that  are  Christians  too  ;  I  therefore  will  go 
immediately  and  hang  myself,  for  it  is  the  wisest  thing 
that  I  can  do.     I  then  deliberately  went  to  the  barn, 
praying  as  I  went,  that  the  Lord  would  pardon  me  if 
it  was  wrong  ;  but  I  felt  positive  that  I  was  right, 
and  that  it  was  a  duly,  seeing  I  should  thereby  pre- 
vent a  great  many  sins  and  a  more  aggravated  damna- 
tion by  this  means,  provided  I  was  not  elected  :  see- 
ing also  that  it  was  a  duty,  of  two  evils  to  choose  the 
least.     While  I  considered  a  life  of   ninety  years, 
when  compared  with  eternity— O  how  short,  and  O 


:n^ 


% 


"m 


J"*! 


as 

how  aggravated  the  damnation  must  be  if  I  should 
live  that  time,  as  twelve  to  ninety.  My  mind  felt  calm 
and  clear  in  this  thing ;  I  got  a  rope  and  fixed  a  noose, 
and  having  looked  all  around  to  see  if  any  one  was 
coming  to  the  barn,  and  seeing  no  one,  I  looked  for 
a  place  to  hang,  and  when  at  the  far  end  of  the  barn 
floor,  I  saw  a  place  where  I  could  stand  on  the  scaf- 
fold,  hitch  my  rope,  and  swing  ofT— just  as  I  turned 
to  climb  on  to  the  scaffold,  I  saw  through  the  chink 
of  the  barn-door,  my  brother  coming  in  great  haste, 
my  mind  was  suddenly  in  a  flutter ;  I  ihrew  down 
my  rope,    thinking   what    shall    I   do;  my   brother 
will   say,   as  was  common  for  him  when  he  came 
where  I  was— "What  are  you  about  here  ?"     The 
thought  struck  me  suddenly— look  round  for  hen's 
nests ;  and  then  I  can  answer  him  by  saying— I  am 
looking    for  hen's    nests,    and  so  tell  no  lie ;  for  I 
thought  I  would  not  tell  a  lie  for  all  the  world—but 
my  brother  came  in  and  passed  by  me,  and  said  nothing 
to  me  ;  which  appeared  strange.     I  then  thought,  he 
may  ask  me  what  I  came  to  the  barn  for,  and  I  shall 
not  be  able  to  answer  him  without  exposing  myself, 
or  tell  a  he.     So  I  left  the  barn  suddenly,  and  afier 
1  had  retired  a  few  rods  toward  a  thick  hedge  of 
bushes,  I  instantly  apprehended   the   danger  I  ^ad 
been  in ;  and  that   it  was  an  overruling  providence 
that  brought   my  brother  to  the  barn  at  ihat   time. 
And  when  I  got  into  the  bushes  out  of  sight,  I  fell 
on  my  knees  and  thanked   God  for  this  deliverance. 
My  tears  found  vent,  and  for  some  time  I  could  only 


89 

wonder,  admire,  and  adore,  a  compassionate  God. 
It  was  a  wonder  to  me,  that  my  brother  should  come 
jusi  at  that  time,  and  thai  he  said  noihing  to   me ; 
which  enabled  me  to  escape  without  exposing  my 
design.     Truly  this    was    of   the    Lord.     O  what 
obligations  I  am  under  to  reverence  and  serve  him  ; 
for    if  I  had  gone  on  and  put  an  end  to  my  life, 
my  soul  would'  have  been  in  hell.     I  was   surprised 
that  I  had  been  so  calm  in  mind,  through  the  whole 
of  this  affair,  and  I  began   to  review  my  reasonings 
through  the   whole  procedure  ;  and  after  a  review  I 
solemnly    assented   to  the  justness  of    them,    on  a 
supposition  that  those  principles  that  I  had  reasoned 
upon    were  right.      I  therefore  concluded  that  the 

principles  of  Capt.  B ,  and  others,  were  wrong. 

1st.  Because  they  represented  God  as  decreeing  all 
things,  and  condemning  many  for  doing  what  he  had 
decreed  they  should  do.     2.  Because  they  made  it 
reasonable  for  us  to  do  what  God  had  forbidden,  viz. 
to  do  no  evil ;  but  I  was  told,  *'  of  two  evils  choose 
the  least,"   whereas  I  ought  not  to  choose    either. 
2d.    It  appeared  to  me  that  there  was  to  be  a  day  of 
judgment,  wherein  all  were  to  be  judged  according 
to  "their   works  ;    but  if    God  had  unconditionally 
elected  one  part,  and  reprobated  the  other  part  from 
all  eternity,  that  that  was  the  day  of  judgment,  and  it 
was  past,  seeing  he  had  fixed   the  fates  of  all  by  his 
decree.      But  if  God  had  fixed  the  fates  of  all  from 
all  eternity,  then  some  were  condemned  before  they 
committed  sin.    Therefore  I  felt  settled  in  my  mind, 


» 


40 


P 


1     \ 


I 


that  Capt.  B 's  notions  were  wrong — and  again  I 

gave  thanks  to  God  for  my  deliverance. 

For  some  days,  I  was  undisturbed  in  mind  ;  but 
after  a  short  calm,  it  was  suggested  to  me,  that  as  I 
was  a  boy,  how  weak  and  foolish  it  was  in  me,  to 
think  men  did  not  know  more  than  I,  and  that  I 
should  presume  to  contradict  men,  and  Christian 
men  too.  I  again  began  to  chide  myself  for  enter- 
taining disrespectful  thoughts  of  the  opinions  of 
men.  It  may  be,  I  would  say  to  myself,  that  they 
are  right.  Then  the  impression  would  strike  me — 
**If  you  are  elected  to  be  saved,  you  will  be  saved, 
and  if  you  are  reprobated  to  be  damned,  you  will 
be  damned;  and  why  need  you  pray  so  much?" 
This  would  distress  me  ;  and  from  this  time,  when 
the  impression  struck  me,  I  would  cry  to  the  Lord 
for  help,  to  be  faithful  in  prayer  ;  and  would  inquire, 
also— does  every  body  believe  this  ?  Those  attacks 
on  my  mind,  continued  to  trouble  me  about  as  often 
as  once  in  three  weeks,  for  six  months.  When  on  a 
day,  as  I  was  riding  from  home,  on  some  business 
for  my  father,  which  would  allow  me  to  be  alone  the 
most  of  the  day,  as  I  entered  a  wood,  I  began  to 
thank  the  Lord  that  I  was  favored  with  another 
opportunity  of  being  alone.  That  in  riding  through 
woods,  I  could  sing  hymns  of  praise  to  God  ;  and 
when  I  discovered  any  one  near  me,  I  could  raise  my 
heart  in  silent  prayer;  and  when  I  passed  any  per- 
son, or  house,  I  would  raise  my  heart  in  prayer  for 
them  and  all  that  dwelt  in  the  place.  And  just  as  I 
was  thus  anticipating  a   good  day  for  prayer   and 


41 

praise,  the   impression  came  with  greater  force  than 
ever :  *'If  you  are  elected   to  be  saved,  you  will  be 
saved,  and  if  you  are  reprobated  to  be  damned,  you 
will  be  damned  ;  and  why  need  you  pray  so  much?' 
This  impression  so  affected  me,   that  my  strength 
failed,  so  that  I  had  liked    to  have   fallen  from  my 
horse.     But  as  soon  as  I  had  gained  strength,  I  cried 
most  earnestly  to  the  Lord  in  these  words  :  '*  O  Lord, 
does  every  body  believe  so  ?"  that  moment  an  answer 
was  suggested  to  my  mind,  as  plain  as  it  could  have 
been  spoken  to   my  outward  ears ;  in  these  words  : 
**No!    there    is  a  people    in    England    that   teach 
clearly  from   the   Scriptures,  that  any  poor  sinner, 
that  has   not  committed  the  unpardonable  sin,   may 
be  saved,  if  he  will  repent  and  turn  to  the  Lord,  in 
the  time  of  his  probation  and  day  of  grace ;  which 
God  gives  to  every  man.     But  if  he  will  not  obey 
the  calls  of  God's  Spirit,  but  resist    and  grieve  him 
by  the  sins  he  willingly  commits,  then  he  ought  to  be 

damned." 

This  was  good  news  to  my  mind.  I  knew  it  was 
from  the  Lord  ;  my  spirits  cheered  up.  The  forest 
where  I  was  appeared  glorious,  as  if  God  were  there. 
The  answer  I  knew  to  be  of  the  Lord,  because  it 
removed  the  burden  on  my  mind  respecting  election 
and  reprobation,  in  the  same  manner  as  the  burden  of 
my  sins  were  removed,  when  I  first  saw  or  knew  the 

Lord. 

I  then  cried  to  the  Lord,  to  spare  my  life  to  find 
this  people  ;  and  that  he  would  be  pleased  to  mani- 
fest to  me  by  some  sign,  that  I  might  know  when  I 


0 


k 


IK 


42 


4S 


II 


should  find  them  ;  and  that  they  would  be  the  people 
with  whom  I  should  serve  the  Lord  here. 

As  ihe  former  answer  was  an  impression  on  my 
mind,  so  was  this  ;  and  attended  with  a  sweet  assu- 
rance that  it  was  of  ihe  Lord  ;  as  clear  as  if  one  had 
spoken   with  an  audible  voice  in  my  ear,  stating  to 
me  the  year  and  the  month,  that  I  should  find  this 
people.     And  that  I  should  know  them  by  the  love 
they  manifested  in  their  constant  practice  of  travelling 
about,  from  place  to  place,  preaching,  exhorting,  and 
praying  for  the  conversion  of  souls.     And  that  they 
would  state   to  me  as  their  doctrme,   that  election 
was    conditional,    and    not    unconditional ;    and    to 
prove  it  they  would   say,  "If  God,  before  the  foun- 
dation  of  the  world,  passed  an  unconditional  decree 
of  reprobation,  on  a  part  of  his  creatures,  how  could 
he  be  just  in  the  day  of  judgment,  to  damn  them  in 
hell  for  sins  they  committed  after  the   foundation  of 
the    world?     And    what  of  God's   mercy  which    is 
over  all   his  works  ?  certainly  the  reprobates   never 
enjoyed   any  of  his  mercy,    neither  did  God   ever 
exercise  any  mercy  to   them,  if  he  unconditionally 
reprobated  them  before  the  foundation  of  the  world. 
Yet  his  mercy  is  over  all  his  works.     And  what  of 
the  oath  of  God  where  he  says :  "  As  I  live,  saith 
the  Lord,  **  I  have  no  pleasure  in  the  death  of  the 
wicked  V*     If  God  passed  a  decree  of  reprobation  on 
them,  before   the  foundation  of  the  world,  he  must 
have  had  pleasure   in  their  damnation.     Therefore, 
the  doctrine  was  false  ;  for  it  contradicted  the  Scrip- 
tures, and  represented  God  as  a  tyrant,   and  to  bo 


"  worse  than  the  devil;  for  the  devil  could   not  create 
any  to  be  damned,  nor  damn  any  that  God  had  cre- 
ated.    I  now  saw  that  the  doctrine  was  false.     I  then 
raised  my  voice   in   prayer :  O  Lord !  shall  I  be  a 
Christian?     The  answer  was,  "  you  shall  be  filled 
with   love,   the  love  of  God   sTlall  inspire   you,  and 
then   you   will  be  called   to  preach,  and  if  you  are 
faithful,  you  will  be  the  means  of  the  conversion  of 
many    souls."     I  felt  a  fear  that  the  devil  was  whis- 
pering this  call  to  preach  to  my  mind  ;  for  I  concluded 
that  it  would  be  impossible  for  me  to  preach  without  a 
college  education.     And  I  had   heard  my  father  say, 
that  he  did  not  intend  to  bring  up  any  of  his  children  to 
college.     There foie,  my  fears  arose,  so  as  to  weaken 
my  whole   frame  in  some   degree ;  and  I  cried   out 
attain.  O  Lord,  do  not  suffer  the  devil  to  deceive  me  ! 
But  if  this  impression  of  my  mind  is  from  Thee,  and 
thou  wilt  call  me  to  preach,  when  I  find  the  people  I 
now  have  a  sense   of,    O  give  me  a  sign  that  I  may 
know,   when  I  find  them,  that  thou  dost  call  me  ! 
Immediately  my  mind  received  the  sweet  impression, 
"That  the  people  I  should  find,  did  not   consider  a 
college  education,  as  the  essential  qualification  for  a 
minister.     Yet,  that   all  who  ministered  must  study 
to  know  the  scriptures,  and  other  books,  whereby  he 
may  have  knowledge  of  men  and  things  sufficient  to 
teach    men  the   will  of  God.     But,  that  the  love  of 
God  in  the  soul,  inspiring  it  with  a  zeal  for  God,  in 
the  salvation  of  their  fellow  men,  was   the  essential 
qualification.     I  thought,  this  is  agreeable  to  the  call 


44 


^ 


I 


of  the  Apostles  and  ancient  ministers  of  whom  I  have 
read.     And  farther,  the  impression  continued  to  show 
me,  that  I  should   be   invited   to  preach  in  a  house 
that  deacon  K.  then  lived  in,  for  the  first  time,   and 
that  Mr.  P.  Watkins  (who  was  about  as  old  as  my 
father,  and  lived  in  a  wicked  and  intemperate  habit, 
in  the  town,)  would  be  there,  and  would  he  awakened 
to  a  sense  of  religion,    by  my  preaching,  and  would 
be   converted  to   the   Lord,   and  that  I  should  be  a 
means  of  the  conversion  of  several  of  Capt.  Fletch- 
er's family  ;  and  many  would  be  encouraged  to  serve 
the  Lord  if  I  were  faithful ;  but   those  who  held  to 
unconditional  election  and  reprobation,  would  oppose 
me.     And  I  should  then  be    invited    to   the    house, 
where  iMr.  R.W.  then  lived.     And  after  a  little  time, 
I  should  travel  in  different  parts,— -east,  west,  north, 
and  south.     From  the  age  of  twenty-five  or  six,   I 
should    travel   until  I  was  thirty-six,   and  have  good 
success  if  I  was  faithful.    Year  after  year,  the  points 
of  compass  where  I  should  travel  were  impressed  on 
my  mind.  And  on  the  year  I  was  to  be  thirty -six  years 
old,   I   was  to  travel   in  a   south-westerly  direction 
about   one    hundred    miles  from  where  I  then  was  ; 
and  that  I  should  meet  with  something  like  death 
that  year.     How,    and   what    was  to  happen  to  me 
that  year,  was  not  clear  to  my  mind  ;  I  prayed  to  the 
Lord   to  shew  me  if  I  were  to  die  that  year  ;  but  I 
had   no   answer  ;   I  prayed  again,  and   received    no 
answer  ;  I  was  afraid  to  ask  a  third  time,  lest  I  should 
offend    and  grieve   the  good    Spirit.      But  feeling 


46 


anxious  to  have  somethmg  more  clear  on  my  mind 
relative  to  it,  I  altered  my  mode  of  expression,  and 
said,  0  Lord,  will  all  be  well  ?  Immediately  the  an- 
swer was,  "  If  you  are  faithful  to  the  Lord,  all  shall 
be  well."  I  cried  out.  Glory  be  to  thy  holy  name, 
O  Lord  ;  and  then  sung, 

Come  sound  his  praise  abroad, 
And  hymns  of  glory  sing. 

My  soul  was  happy,  and  my  mind  clear.  The 
Scripture  plan  of  salvation,  as  far  as  I  then  viewed 
it,  was  sweet  and  glorious.  My  enraptured  soul 
seemed  to  leap  within  me.  While  riding  through  the 
forest,  it  was  glory  all  around  me,  and  glory  in  my 
soul.    It  was  in  the  forepart  of  the  day,  I  again  sung, 

Lord!  in  the  morning  thou  slialt  iiear 

My  voice  ascending  high  ; 
To  Thee  will  I  direct  my  prayer, 

To  Thee  lift  up  mine  eye. 

From  this  time,  I  enjoyed  a  clear  sense  of  the 
plan  of  salvation  through  Christ,  or  (as  I  would  ex- 
pr^s  it,  to  have  it  according  to  my  own  views  when 
a  child)  the  plan  of  salvation  through  the  means 
ordained  by  God,  in  the  hands  of  a  Mediator,  which 
was  Christ  Jesus.  From  this  time  J  was  no  more 
troubled  with  suggestions  that  if  I  was  elected  to  be 
saved  I  should  be  saved,  and  if  I  was  reprobated  to  be 
damned  I  should  be  damned,  and  why  need  you  pray 
80  much  ?  No  ;  from  this  lime  I  paid  but  little  at- 
tention to  what  Capt.  B said.     However,  I  re- 


m 

yi 


fl 


I 


I- 


A 

^ 


■olved  to  study'lhc  scriptures,  and  learn  all  I  could, 
that  when  I  found  this  people  I  might  be  the  better 
prepared  to  serve  the  Lord. 

My  custom  was  to  say  but  little  in  company,  and 
to  be  very  private  in  my  devotions  ;  and  never  to 
jest  or  laugh  at  folly,  but  to  turn  away  from  all  foolish 
talking  and  jesting.  For  about  three  years  I  con- 
tinued in  this  way.  Many  called  me  deacon,  be- 
cause I  was  serious  and  candid  in  what  I  said. — 
This  sometimes  grieved  me,  because  I  conceived 
that  they  committed  sin  by  making  light  of  what  I 
viewed  to  be  a  sacred  office.  And  though  my  father 
never  made  light  of  religion  of  any  order,  yet  he 
would  call  me  deacon.  And  sometimes  when  custo- 
mers came  to  trade,  if  they  could  not  agree  in  the 
price  of  the  article,  he  would  say,  "  Come,  let  us 
leave  it  to  the  deacon,"  and  then  call  me  up  to  judge 
of  the  price  of  the  article.  Others  when  they  had 
called  me  deacon,  disputed  one  with  the  other  in 
order  to  pester  me,  (for  I  generally  said  little  or  no- 
thing) that  I  was  not  a  deacon,  but  I  was  an  old  bach- 
elor ;  for,  said  they,  he  is  so  still  and  sober,  that  the 
girls  will  never  have  any  thing  to  say  to  him.  'rtea 
they  would  laugh  as  though  it  pleased  them  to  make 
sport  of  me.  Nothing,  however,  disturbed  me  in  this; 
but  the  sense  I  had  of  the  sin  thpy  committed  in 
treating  seriousness  and  the  sacred  office,  with  light- 
ness. The  seasons  I  had  in  secret,  were  truly  times 
of  refreshing  from  liie  presence  of  the  Lord.  My 
great  desire  was,  to  live  to  the  glory  of  God  while  I 


47 


* 


was  young,  and  prepare  in  youth  for  manhood  ;  that 
if  1  lived  1  might  realize  all  that  had  been  intimated 
to  me. 

Nothing  occurred  until  I  was  fifteen  years  old 
(except  hafd  times  at  the  close  of  the  war,)  that  is 
worthy  of  narration.  My  father  and  two  uncles  that 
had  been  repeatedly  called  out  into  the  service  re- 
turned, without  any  injury,  except  one  of  my  uncles, 
who  had  been  wounded  when  the  enemy  attacked 
them  in  their  trench  ;  two  other  uncles  that  had 
been  in  the  war,  died  with  the  dysentery.  And  now 
on  the  return  of  those  that  survived,  there  was  much 
to  be  said  of  what  they  had  seen  and  heard.  I  could 
listen  to  some  of  those  stories,  but  if  the  person 
mixed  his  narration  with  cursing  and  swearing,  1 
would  turn  away.  I  made  it  my  practice  to  leave 
all  profane  company,  and  chose  rather  to  spend  my 
lime  alone.  T  earnestly  longed  for  religious  com- 
pany, but  found  none.  I  heard  at  onetime  of  (what 
was  called)  a  reformation,  about  five  miles  off, 
among  some  children  ;  I  rejoiced  at  this  news,  and 
the. first  time  I  went  into  that  place,  I  made  bold  to 
inquire  of  a  young  woman,  if  there  were  any  boys  in 
the  place  that  were  religious — I  said  that  I  heard 
there  were — she  made  light  of  it,  and  began  to  laugh 
at  me,  for  thinking  that  any  young  people  were  re- 
ligious. When  she  laughed  and  spoke  so  disdain- 
fully of  religion  in  little  boys,  I  was  grieved,  and 
left  her :  and  as  I  met  with  such  poor  success  in 
'finding  out  those  who  were  religious,  I  thought  I 
would  ask  no  more  about  it,  but  find  them  out,  if 


m 


T 


■•^■iWIH 


48 

possible,  without ;  and  seeing  a  boy  that  had  come 
to  mill  from  the  neighborhood,  that  looked  serious,  I 
thought  to  flatter  him  away  to  play  with  me.  I  did 
80,  in  order  to  find  out  whether  he  was  religious  or 
not ;  but  we  had  not  been  ten  minutes  together  when 
he  swore  wickedly ;  this  grieved  me  more  than  com- 
mon, because  I  had  flattered  myself  with  hopes  that 
I  should  find  one  that  was  religious,  but  now  was 
disappointed.  I  left  him  suddenly.  I  was  too  much 
grieved  to  say  one  word ;  I  was  grieved  because  so 
good  a  God  was  despised  and  neglected  by  those 
who  received  daily  blessings  from  his  hand. 

1  had  reason  to  believe  that  all  who  knew  me 
loved  me,  for  I  abused  none.  But  though  none  quar- 
relled with  me,  yet  they  would  call  me  deacon,  and 
laugh  at  my  seriousness,  until  at  length  1  began  to 
think  that  my  reservedness  was  an  occasion  for  them 
to  sin ;  for  there  seemed  to  be  no  christians  that 
lived  so  sober  as  I  did  :  I  had  thought  that  it  was 
wrong  in  them  to  jest  and  joke  as  they  did,  and  dare 
not  indulge  in  it  myself,  because  it  made  my  mind 
unfit  for  prayer ;  and  it  had  been  my  practice  to 
keep  a  tender  heart,  for  I  read  that  a  broken  and 
contrite  heart  was  a  sacrifice  that  God  would  not  de- 
spise ;  therefore  when  I  prayed,  I  was  not  satisfied 
unless  I  could  weep  and  shed  tears.  This  was  my 
rule  to  judge  of  my  heart,  that  it  was  right  with  God. 
But  it  now  began  to  appear  to  me,  that  my  serious- 
ness caused  others  to  commit  sin,  in  laughing  at  me. 
I  thought  if  they  would  not  call  me  deacon,  that  to 
laugh  at  me  would  be  no  crime,  for  I  deserved  no- 


49 

thing  better;  but  to  connect  the  office  of  deacon 
with  my  seriousness,  and  make  a  jest  of  me  because 
of  the  office,  was  a  grief  to  me.  Here  the  enemy 
took  advantage  of  me,  and  suggested  to  me,  that  the" 
only  way  to  prevent  this  evil,  was  to  jest  and  joke  a 
little,  and  that  would  be  no  great  sin,  i(  any,  provid- 
ed I  did  not  go  father  in  it  than  the  professors  of 
religion  around,  and  especially  those  that  partook  of 
the  sacrament ;  and  if  I  did  not  do  this,  I  should  be 
guilty  of  making  others  sin,  which  would  also  be  a  sin 
in  me.  Now  my  mind  was  brought  into  straits 
again.  I  reasoned  from  what  I  heard  others  say ; 
some  said  it  was  wrong  to  do  any  thing  whereby 
any  one  was  induced  to  sin.  I  made  the  application 
to  myself;  I  was  doing  wrong  in  living  so  soberly,  as 
I  supposed  that  thereby  some  made  a  jest  of  the  of- 
fice of  deacon.  Again  I  heard  it  said,  that  we  could 
not  live  without  sin,  though  Jesus  Christ  had  said, 
**  Be  ye  perfect  as  your  father  which  is  in  Heaven 
is  perfect ;"  but  some  said  this  perfection  could  not 
be  in  this  life.  I  concluded  that  if  we  could  not  live 
without  sin,  yet  it  was  our  duty  not  to  indulge  in  any 
sins,  except  those  that  were  small  and  calculated  to 
prevent  greater  sins.  So  I  understood  the  opinions 
of  many  who  were  called  good  Christians :  and  I 
felt  an  inclination  to  believe  it,  for  I  was  in  difficul- 
ty and  knew  not  how  to  avoid  sinning  by  being  the 
occasion  of  others  sinning  in  laughing  at  my  serious- 
ness. Often  I  heard  it  said,  that  young  people  must 
have   their  civil  recreations ;  and  the  minister,  who 


€ 


NSBnpmaia^' 


i 


fill 


It 


50 

WA»  one  of  the  best  of  men,  also  said  it  was  no  sin 
for  young  people  to  get  together,  and  have  a  fiddler, 
and  dance  civilly.  And  I  also  thought,  charitably, 
that  though  I  had  viewed  it  to  be  a  sin,  yet  it  might 
be  right  in  them  to  laugh  and  jest,  though  it  was  not 
right  in  me,  because  I  found  it  was  forbidden  in  the 
Bible  ;  and  also  when  I  indulged  in  it,  it  hardened 
my  heart,  and  unfitted  me  for  prayer.  But  I  must 
say,  that  I  thought  it  was  a  powerful  reason  to  justify 
me  in  jesting  and  joking,  yet  I  thought  the  reasons 
against  jesting  and  joking  were  more  powerful ;  but 
my  inclination  sided  with  the  weaker  reasonings  ; 
and  after  I  had  determined  not  to  indulge  in  any 
gross  sins,  I  determined  to  jest  and  joke  and  laugh 
as  much  as  other  Christians  did,  so  as  thereby  to  pre- 
vent others  from  committing  sin  in  calling  me  dea- 
con ;  and  the  trite  saying  **  of  two  evils  choose  the 
least,"  was  among  the  rest  of  the  arguments  to  dis- 
suade me  from  seriousness. 


CHAPTER  III. 

In  those  times  I  had  not  seen  the  distinction  be- 
tween moral  evil  and  natural  evil,  therefore  what 
now  appears  to  be  a  trite  saying,  and  no  ways  reason- 
able when  applied  to  moral  evils,  yet  then  it  ap- 
peared a  reasonable  duty,  of  two  evils  to  choose  the 
least.  But  I  must  confess,  that  then  I  had  impres- 
sions of  mind  not  to  refrain  from  seriousness,  but  to 
persevere  in  sobriety  and  meekness  ;  and  those  im- 
pressions I  knew  to  be  of  the  Lord,  and  those  to  the 
contrary  I  knew  to  be  of  the  devil,  so  that  I  have  no 
reasonable  excuse  for  backsliding  from  the  Lord. 
But  like  all  other  backsliders,  I  pleaded  an  excuse  in 
the  court  of  my  own  conscience. 

Though  I  had  no  excuse,  neither  can  I  now  ex- 
cuse those  who  laughed  at  me,  nor  those  who  taught 
principles  subveisive  of  pure  religion,  such  as  the 
doctrine  that  we  could  not  live  without  sin,  and  of 
two  evils  to  choose  the  least,  without  discriminating 
between  moral  and  natural  evils,  which  are  subver- 
sive of  true  piety  towards  God,  and  sound  honesty 
among  men ;  but  I  can  pray,  "  Father,  forgive 
them,  for  they  (many  of  them)  know  not  what  they 


lo. 


» 


I  9^an  to  jest  and  joke,  and  it  was  not  long  be- 
fore 1  was  ttdmired  for  my  wit ;  and  was  considered 


W" 


'■\'  ''■. 


r 


I-  ■ 


'■ft 

as^ood  a  fellow  as  any  of  the  joking  clasi.  I  wast 
no  more  called  deacon,  nor  any  longer  deserved 
the  appellation ;  but  I  was  still  called  a  fine  boy, 
a  promising  youth.  Erery  one  loved  me  ;  and  as  I 
had  a  pleasant  voice  for  singing,  and  learned  a 
Yariety  of  songs,  I  pleased  all  companies,  for  f 
was  unto  them  as  a  lovely  song,  of  one  that  hath 
a  charming  voice.  Though  I  refrained  from  all 
gross  sins,  and  allowed  myself  in  nothing  but  what 
was  said  to  be  civil,  and  even  said  to  be  no  sin  by 
the  great  part  of  professors  of  religion  ;  yet  this  so 
unfitted  me  for  prayer,  that  it  was  a  torment  to  my 

As  piety  towards  God  and  a  serious  religious 
life,  were  disgusting  to  the  generality  of  people^ 
and  made  me  but  an  object  of  their  ridicule,  where- 
by they  committed  sin,  I  concluded  that  at  any 
rate,  I  must  defer  my  religious  exercises  until  I  was 
a  man  ;  and  then  I  could  seclude  myself  from  all 
company  ;  or  if  in  company,  it  would  be  no  dis- 
grace for  me  to  profess  religion.  However,  I 
resolved  to  study,  and  inform  my  mind  in  those 
things  best  calculated  to  make  me  useful  in  society  j 
for  1  could  not  believe  in  hermitage.  And  as  my 
mind  was  not  fit  for  prayer,  I  less  frequently  read 
my  Bible,  except  those  parts  treating  of  wars.  In 
reading  over  accounts  of  ancient  battles  I  was 
delighted.  From  reading  the  scripture  account  of 
wars,  I  began  to  read  histories  of  wars  in  Europe 
and  America.  Sometimes  I  would  spend  almost 
whole  nights  in  reading.  I  thought,  I  will  be  a  war- 
lior^  and  command  an  arntty.     I  will  be  a  general* 


53 


This  was  my  firm  resolution.  About  this  time  the 
insurrection  broke  out  in  Massachusetts.  In  the  year 
1786  I  was  fifteen  years  old,  and  began  to  listen  with 
attention  to  the  politics  of  the  day*  It  was  said  that 
the  rich  men  wanted  to  bring  the  state  into  lordships ; 
and  therefore  the  Governor  and  counsel  had  levied  a 
tax  so  heavy  on  the  people,  that  there  was  not  suffi- 
cient money  in  circulation  to  pay  it.  Some  of  the 
best  accountants  made  out  that  all  the  money  in  cir- 
culation, would  not  more  than  pay  one-sixth  part  of 
the  tax ;  and  lands  must  be  sold  at  auction  for  one- 
hundreth  part  their  value  to  make  it  out,  and  I  pre- 
sume not  one  in  fifty  could  pay  his  tax  without  dis- 
tressing him.  So  I  understood  the  subject  and  so 
the  talk  ran.  All  turned  out  to  stop  the  courts  from 
Bitting.  My  father  was  [opposed  to  government, 
and  took  an  active  part  in  stopping  the  court.  Then 
arose  General  Daniel  Shays.  He  took  the  chief  com- 
mand. About  seven  thousand  rallied  around  hi« 
standard  in  the  counties  of  Hampshire  and  Worces- 
ter, while  government  sent  out  General  Lincoln  with 
about  four  or  five  thousand  to  quell  the  insurgents. 
They  manoeuvered  about  from  the  last  of  November 
until  February,Jwhen  Shays  disbanded,  or  rather  de- 
serted his  army,  with  orders  to  disband  and  go  home. 
Meanwhile  a  party  were  raised  in  Berkshire  county, 
under  General  P.,  of  about  two  or  three  hundred,  and 
they  went  about  to  disarm  the  people,  while  the  most 
of  our  men  that  could  be  spared  with  their  arms  and 
ammunition,  were  with  Shays.  However,  Major  W. 
axid  Capt.   C.   with  others,  beat  up  for  volunte^M 


54 

My  father  and  brother  turned  out  witli  them,  and  left 
me  home  to  send  on  provisions.  They  marched 
around  through  several  towns,  until  they  had  got 
about  three  hundred  soldiers,  and  then  marched  to 
meet  Gen.  P.  in  the  town  of  Lee.  They  drew  up 
in  line  of  battle.  Captain  C.  and  my  father  had  the 
command  of  the  prisoners  they  had  taken  ;  and  put- 
ling  them  into  a  house  out  of  which  they  had  moved 
a  loom,  to  make  room,  they  took  the  yarn  beam,  and 
cloth  beam,  and  laid  them  on  a  sleigh,  pointing  ihem 
toward  the  court  party  (as  they  were  called)  to  fright- 
en them  into  submission.  This  had  the  desired  ef- 
fect ;  for  the  court  party  having  two  or  three  field 
pieces,  they  foimed  their  line  at  so  great  a  distance, 
that  small  arms  could  not  reach  them  :  and  there  was 
a  valley  to  cross,  so  that  while  our  men  were  advanc- 
ing to  injure  them,  they  could  rake  them  with  their 
field  pieces  ;  but  beholding  with  their  spy  glasses 
from  a  distance  the  two  loom  beami,  they  concluded 
one  was  a  six  pounder,  and  the  other  a  small  field 
piece.  Upon  this  they  proposed  terms  of  peace — 
that  each  party  should  return  home  and  be  quiet. 
After  these  terms  were  agreed  upon,  our  men  dis- 
banded and  came  home.  Just  after  this  we  heard 
that  Shay^  had  fled  to  Canada,  and  his  army  was  dis- 
banded. General  Lincoln  marched  up  to  Berkshire. 
In  passing  through  our  town,  they  took  all  they  could 
of  those  who  had  been  out  with  major  W.  And  as 
my  father  lived  about  a  mile  from  the  main  road,  and 
the  bye  roads  were  drifted  with  snow,  so  it  was  diffi- 
cult  to  come  to  his  house  ;  therefore  many  neighbors 


55 

resorted  there  for  safely,  while  I  was  kept  on  the 
watch,  with  an  old  horse,  an  old  saddle,  and  an  old 
ragged  great-coat  belted  around  me.  I  went  out 
among  the  court  parly,  and  returned  in  the  evening, 
having  discovered  their  situation.  I  reported  that 
sixteen  were  billetted  in  one  house,  and  had  stacked 
their  arms  in  the  entry,  that  we  might  easily  take 
them  prisoners  without  firing  a  gun,  or  making  any 
alarm.  Immediately  those  at  my  father's  held  a  coun- 
cil of  war,  (as  they  called  it.)  But  my  mother  plead 
so  hard  against  their  plan  of  taking  them,  that  they 
gave  up  to  the  council  of  a  woman  for  once,  and  it 
was  well  for  us  all.  The  next  morning  my  brother 
went  one  way,  and  I  another,  to  reconnoitre  ;  he  was 
taken  prisoner.  But  he  played  with  the  guard  ;  they 
pricked  him  with  their  bayonets  ;  he  made  fun  of  it : 
in  hn^t  he  played  the  simpleton  so  completely,  that 
they  believed  him  to  be  some  half-witted  fellow,  and 
so  let  him  go. 

After  the  troops  had  passed  through,  orders  were 
issued  that  all  who  would  come  in  and  take  the  oath 
of  allegiance,  might  live  in  quiet.  My  father  was 
sent  for.  He  appeared  before  the  court-martial.  They 
inquired  of  him  about  the  loom-beams,  but  as  they 
had  no  proof  against  him,  or  any  one,  and  they  could 
not  make  him  criminate  himself,  they  discharged  him 
after  he  had  taken  ihe  oath.  Thus  ended  the  Shay's 
war,  (as  it  was  called.)  But  as  election  day  drew  on, 
the  minds  of  the  people  were  all  so  turned  upon  a 
new  Governor,  that  they  had  a  great  majority  for 
Gov.  Hancock,  and  as  the  tax  that  had  been  the  cause 
of  the  insurrection  had  not  been  collected,  the  new 


— «^ 


m 


56 

Governor  and  Assembly,  &c.,  made  a  law  to  have  it 
paid  in  soldiers'  notes ;  those  notes  could  then  be  ob- 
tained for  half  a  dollar  on  the  pound ;  a  pound  was 
three  dollars  and  thirty-three  cents.  My  father's  rate 
was  so  large,  (though  a  moderate  farmer,)  thai  he 
paid  out  eleven  dollars  for  soldiers'  notes  to  pay  his 
tax:  by  this  I  understood  that  his  lax  was  between 
forty  and  fifty  dollars. 

This  affray  was  one  cause  of  increasing  my  study 
of  history  of  wars  ;  and  determined  my  mind  to  be  a 
general.  In  order  to  this,  I  must  possess  learning, 
courage,  and  a  perfect  command  of  my  passions. 
The  more  1  studied,  the  more  clearly  I  saw  that  I 
must,  (in  order  to  possess  true  courage)  subdue  the 
passion  of  anger,  or  hatred,  to  an  enemy.  That  cour- 
age in  an  ofificer,  must  consist  in  a  calm,  composed 
mind,  attended  with  a  firm  resolution  to  prosecute  the 
principles  on  which  the  war  was  waged.  The  cour- 
age raised  by  a  fit  of  anger,  did  not  deserve  the  name 
of  courage  ;  but  rather  a  madness,  or  presumptuous 
frenzy.  I  conceived  when  I  read  histories  of  battles, 
that  I  could  see  the  officers  marching  on  to  the  attack 
"with  an  unruffled  mind«  having  nothing  but  the  prin- 
ciples in  view,  for  which  they  fought.  I  had  read 
that  "anger  rests  only  in  the  bosom  of  fools,"-  and  I 
concluded  that  no  fool  was  fit  for  an  officer.  From 
the  Scriptures  I  learned  that  no  war  was  right,  but 
that  which  was  purely  defensive ;  and  in  order  to 
possess  true  courage,  and  a  right  frame  of  mind,  I 
must  at  any  rate,  believe  myself  in  the  right  cause. 
Though  I  viewed  it  possible  for  both  sidts  to  believe 


II 


lliemselves  in  the  right,  yet  but  one  side  was  ireally 
BO ;  therefore  il  was  duty  in  old  times,  on  going  to 
war,  to  oflfer  peace  offerings,  that  is  to  offer  terms  of 
peace  on  reciprocal  principles.  And  it  was  as  clear- 
ly a  duty  now,  as  in  old  limes.  But  how  I  should  ob^ 
lain  true  courage,  and  a  command  of  my  passions,  so 
as  to  face  danger,  with  an  unruffled  mind,  without 
true  religion,  1  knew  not.  This  therefore  was  a  means 
x)f  preventing  me  from  indulging  in  gross  sins.  I 
liimed  to  live  morally,  though  I  knew  I  was  not  pious. 
1  believed  it  was  possible  for  a  man  to  cast  off  all  fear 
of  God  and  man,  so  that  he  could  brave  danger  wiiU 
tin  unruffled  mind  ;  but  that  kind  of  courage  I  viewed 
to  be  madness  and  folly^  and  not  worthy  of  the  name 
K)f  courage ;  because  Christ  had  said,  "I  will  fore* 
warn  you,  whom  you  shall  fear,"  &c.,  and  it  was  fol* 
Jy  to  cast  off  the  fear  of  the  Lord.  I  have  read  of  a 
General  who  was  challenged  to  fight  a  duel,  and  he 
refused  ;  some  of  his  friends  said  to  him,  "You  will 
loose  ycur  honor;"  he  said,  "I  will  secure  my  honor 
by  my  disgrace."  They  asked  how  he  could  do  that> 
when  he  would  be  charged  with  cowardice^  he  said, 
""  I  profess  I  am  not  afraid  to  charge  up  to  the  can- 
non's mouth,  in  the  service  of  my  God  and  country  ; 
but  I  want  courage  lo  storm  hell."  I  understood 
from  the  history  that  this  General  was  a  Christian 
and  a  man  of  true  courage.  I  heard  also  much  said 
of  the  American  officers.  Washington  was  a  hero ; 
his  courage  was  an  honor  to  him  and  the  nation  whom 
he  served.  Putnam  did  well,  but  was  rather  presump- 
tuous.   Lincoln  and  Gates,  and  many  others,  deserved 

3* 


/ 


SB 


59 


'  ii 


m 


n 


well  of  their  country.  But  of  Arnold,  we  could  not 
say  well ;  his  courage  was  a  frenzy,  a  mere  madness, 
that  had  no  principle,  but  passion  to  guide  it.  Such 
courage  may  do  good  service  when  it  has  one  supe- 
rior in  office  to  direct  the  use  of  it.  And  therefore 
we  can  account  for  the  honor  he  seemed  to  acquire 
in  storming  Quebec,  under  the  command  of  Gen. 
Montgomery  ;  and  his  success  in  taking  Gen.  Bur- 
goyne,  under  the  command  of  Gen.  Gates  ;  but  when 
left  to  the  command  of  West-Point,  in  the  absence 
of  Gen.  Washington,  he  could  feed  his  fretful,  mali- 
cious temper,  by  selling  himself  and  all  the  American 
army  to  the  British,  for  no  other  motive  than  revenge 
on  the  continental  Congress,  and  to  obtain  that  pro- 
motion and  fortune  among  the  British  which  he  judg- 
ed himself  entitled  to ;  and  which  had  been  refus- 
ed him  by  the  Congress.  Such  conceit  of  one's 
own  merit,  argues  a  vain  mind,  that  never  can  pos- 
sess true  courage.  Therefore,  I  concluded  that 
some  modesty  was  essential  to  true  courage,  and 
that  in  order  for  me  to  possess  it,  I  must  have  a 
perfect  command  of  my  passions,  and  this  I  could 
not  obtain  without  true  religion.  I  read  some  phi- 
losophical books,  and  contracted  an  anxiety  for  the 
knowledge  of  the  science  of  physic.  But  my  ad- 
vantages were  small.  I  despaired  of'making  a  pro- 
ficiency in  any  science  without  proper  books,  and 
some  one  to  teach  me.  But  history  and  biogra- 
phy were  my  favorite  studies  ;  these  I  pursued  with 
delight.  Some  romantic  pieces  pleased  me  much, 
and  I  thought  myself  to  be  about  as  good  as  the 
professors   of  religion   in   general.      And  though  I 


sometimes  felt  distress  about  my  future  state,  yet 
I  hoped  that  God  would  show  mercy,  seeinfg  I  was 
not  worse  than  those  that  were  called  very  good 
Christians;  many  of  whom  were  highly  pleased 
with  my  songs.  As  to  my  former  exercises,  and 
especially  the  impressions  I  had  about  finding  a  re- 
ligious people  in  a  future  day,  and  of  being  a 
preacher,  I  thought  but  little  of  them ;  for  some- 
times I  concluded  that  as  I  was  a  child,  I  thought 
as  a  child ;  but  as  I  became  a  man  I  must  put 
away  childish  things  ;  so  I  treated  the  former  im- 
pressions 1  had  as  childish  notions.  But  the  thoughts 
of  being  a  man  of  courage,  and  honor,  occupied  my 
whole  attention  for  a  considerable  time.  I  was  con- 
stantly devising  schemes  to  lead  on  my  men  to  a 
successful  attack,  and  to  fortify  them  from  danger, 
or  dispose  of  them  to  save  iheir  lives  ;  and  also  how 
I  could  best  inspire  them  with  true  courage.  I  con- 
cluded that  I  would  not  allow  of  any  swearing,  nor 
immoral  behavior  in  any  under  my  command  ;  that 
in  order  to  prevent  it,  I  would  keep  employed  my- 
self, and  my  men  also,  in  constantly  exercising  them. 
In  order  to  this,  I  must  have  a  fund  of  wisdom,  so 
as  to  be  ready  at  all  times  to  command,  and  divert 
the  attention  of  the  soldiers,  that  they  should  not 
have  time  to  mutiny.  I  was  determined  to  acquaint 
myself  with  physic  and  surgery,  so  that  I  could  ad- 
minister to  the  relief  of  the  sick  or  wounded. 

Those  war-like  notions,  however,  wore  off  after 
awhile,  and  I  began  to  go  into  company,  and  attend 
to  (what  were  called)  civil  recreations.     But  a  fit 


M 


60 


*  fi^. 


of  sickness  checked  my  career.  I  was  given  CfVef 
by  my  physician  to  die.  This,  however,  did  not 
frighten  me ;  for  the  night  before  I  was  given  over, 
I  had  a  conviction  of  my  folly,  in  treating  my  former 
impressions  as  childish  notions*  I  therefore  confess- 
ed to  the  Lord  ray  folly  in  this  thing,  and  prayed 
for  pardon,  and  again  I  felt  the  forgiving  love  of  God, 
go  that  I  was  not  afraid  to  die.  And  that  moment 
also,  I  had  an  impression  that  I  should  livci  at  least 
until  I  was  thirty-six  years  of  age.  So  that  when 
the  doctor  came  next  morning,  and  intimated  that  he 
could  do  no  more  for  me,  and  desired  a  counsel  of 
doctors,  1  looked  up  upon  him,  and  said,  Doctor,  I 
shall  not  die  with  this  sickness;  you  need  not  be 
discouraged,  I  shall  live.  He  set  down  by  me  smil- 
ing, and  said,  you  have  good  spirits  J  1  will  do  the 
best  I  can.  My  father  turned  to  the  wall,  putting 
his  handkerchief  to  his  face  j  the  rest  of  the  family 
left  the  room.  I  then  perceived,  as  they  afterward » 
told  me,  that  they  had  despaired  of  nry  recovery* 
However,  in  four  days  I  began  to  amend,  and  irr 
thirty-five  days  I  was  able  to  walk  across  the  room. 
But  all  that  inspired  me  with  confidence,  was  a  sense? 
of  pardon,  and  a  full  conviction  that  my  former  im- 
pressions were  of  the  Lord.  I  was  so  fuDy  convinc- 
ed of  this,  that  a  few  months  after,  while  in  conver- 
sation with  3  tailor,  who  was  making  'me  a  suit  of 
clothes,  our  conversation  turned  upon  the  genius  of 
the  young  men  of  our  acquaintance,  and  what  occu- 
pations they  would  follow  j  I  very  seriously  said  to 
him  that  I  should  be  a  travelling  minister*  I  per- 
ceived that  I  had  exposed  myself ;  and  immediately 


61 

turned  off  the  conversation  with  a  piece  of  drollery. 
But  he  laid  up  the  expression,  so  that  not  long  after, 
when  it  wa^  known  that  I  was  under  conviction,  and 
it  was  thought  I  should  join  the  Methodists,  he  would 
say.  Yes,  he  will  be  a  Methodist  preacher,  for  I  heard 
him  say  that  he  should  be  a  travelling  preacher. 

After  I  recovered  my  health,  I  began  again  to 
go  into  company.  I  thought  to  prove  mirth,  and 
see  what  it  was.  Our  minister  said  that  dancing 
Was  no  sin»  Many  church  members  would  dance, 
and  were  greatly  delighted  to  see  the  young  people 
dance.  My  father,  however,  was  opposed  to  such 
frolics,  as  he  called  them.  After  I  had  attended  a 
few  balls,  as  they  were  called  by  the  polite  sort  of 
people,  a  minister  came  to  my  father's  who  called 
himself  a  Methodists  This  was  the  first  time  I  had 
ever  heard  of  the  name  or  sect.  He  desired  to 
preach  at  our  house,  saying  he  had  been  directed 
there  by  Esquire  W.  whom  wc  knewj  and  as  it  was 
on  Saturday,  my  mother  and  I  thought  it  would  be 
proper  J  but  informed  him  that  as  my  father  was 
absent  and  would  not  be  at  home  before  night,  we 
would  choose  to  have  his  consent.  The  preacher 
was  sitting  on  his  horse  by  the  door  all  this  while  j 
but  we  invited  him  to  alight  and  lake  some  refresh* 
ment,  as  we  had  just  dined.  He  did  so  ;  but  ex* 
pressed  a  fear  that  my  father  might  not  be  willing 
to  have  preaching  in  his  house.  We  informed  him 
that  we  were  sure  he  would.  I  said,  sir,  if  you 
are  not  an  Universalist,  I  am  sure  my  father  will  be 
willing  to  have  you  preach  here.  He  said,  I  am 
no  Universalist.     He  asked  me  if  I   would  notify 


A 


I . 


r: 


63 


63 


the  people.  I  pledged  myself  that  if  my  father 
gave  his  consent  to  have  the  meeting  in  his  house,  I 
would  notify  all  the  neighborhood  that  night  and 
the  next  morning.  So  he  consented  to  have  his 
horse  put  up.  As  I  was  leading  him  to  the  barn, 
I  thought  truly  this  man  is  a  man  of  God  ;  and  I 
will  give  his  horse  the  best  in  the  barn, — which  I 
did.  When  my  father  came  home,  he  talked  with 
the  preacher,  and  gave  consent  to  have  him  preach. 
I  gave  notice,  and  a  large  congregation  came  to- 
gether. I  heard  for  the  first  time,  a  doctrine  that 
I  could  understand.  There  was  no  contradiction, 
but  he  could  prove  his  doctrine  from  scripture  and 
reason.  Also  in  the  family,  and  in  prayer,  his 
spirit  seemed  to  be  all  love.  I  was  much  affected, 
though  I  dared  not  show  it.  All  agreed  that  he  was 
a  good  preacher.  The  Methodist  preachers  contin- 
ued to  come  and  preach  at  my  father's,  until  a  num- 
ber were  awakened  and  converted,  and  they  propos- 
ed to  form  a  class.  Nothing  had  been  said  against 
them  ;  but  now  the  old  professors  began  to  express 
fears  that  they  were  not  right.  I  perceived  that  those 
who  were  awakened  and  converted  through  the  in- 
strumentality of  the  Methodists,  and  had  joined  the 
Congregationalists,  were  considered  as  good  Chris- 
tians ;  but  those  that  joined  the  Methodists  were  said 
to  be  deluded.  I  could  not  understand  this  judgment 
to  be  just.  However,  though  I  said  but  little,  yet  I 
told  no  one  of  what  I  had  experienced  ;  but  as  I  was 
now  a  young  man,  and  had  some  ideas  of  honor,  I 
thought  it  best  to  be  prudent,  and  so  conduct  myself 
that  I  might  keep  friends  on  all   sides.     In  order  to 


this,  I  must  associate  with  young  people  in  what  was 
called  civil  recreations,  or  balls.     I  think  I  attended 
four  before  I  was  fully  convinced  that  they  were  sin- 
ful, and  that  if  I  attended  them,  I  should  not  only 
corrupt  my  soul  with  sin,  worse  than  it  was  then  ; 
but  forever  prevent  myself  from  obtaining  those  quali- 
fications that  would  make  me   truly  honorable  and 
profitable  to  civil  and  religious  society.     So  I  stated 
my  objections  to  balls,  to  some  young  gentlemen  of 
my  acquaintance.     I  said  that  I  thought  our  method 
of  dancing,  an  employment  beneath  the  dignity  of  a 
young  man  that  had  a  soul  ;  and  that  I  could  not  be- 
lieve an  all-wise  God  ever  made  a  reasonable  soul  to 
be  delighted  with  dancing  about  a  floor  at  the  squeak- 
ing of  a  fiddle.     None  but  fools,  in  my  opinion,  could 
count  it  a  delightful  exercise.     But  I  believed,  those 
who  had  reasonable  souls,  ought  to  employ  their  whole 
time  to  gain  wisdom,  and  learn   those   sciences  that 
were  calculated  to  make  us  useful  to  society,  and  that 
would  also  make  us   truly  happy.     I  then  proposed 
to  them  that  we  should  meet  at  suitable  seasons,  to 
propound  questions  in  the  mathematics,  and  answer 
them  as  well  as  we  could,  and  by  this  means  cultivate 

our  minds. 

The  religious  dance  we  read  of  in  Scripture,  I  ob- 
served, seems  to  be  no  more  than  beating  lime  to  a 
tune.  When  Miriam  led  forth  the  women  in  the 
dance,  they  sung  or  chanted  the  song  of  Moses,  and 
their  dancing  consisted  in  beating  time  by  marching 
to  the  tune.  But  what  is  that  to  do  in  fiddling  and 
shuflaingto  the  tune  of  "  Peggy  and  Molly,"  or  **fire 
on  the  mountains,  run  boys  run." 


*"i 


■■'I 


e4 

The  Shakers  often  danced  to  those  tunes,  bul 
this  they  called  labor.  If  they  had  been  great 
fiinners,  they  must  dance  and  sweaty  to  mortify  the 
flesh,  and  the  deeds  of  the  body.  Their  dancing 
Was  to  them  a  religious  duty.  The  Indians,  also, 
had  their  war  dances,  and  danced  in  some  of  their 
religious  ceremonies  ;  but  what  had  this  to  do  with 
our  civil  recreations  ?  We  had  no  intention  to  wor* 
ship  God  in  the  exercise  of  dancing. 

To  prove  dancing  right,  it  was  not  only  said  to 
be  a  civil  recreation,  but  they  said  it  was  better 
for  young  people  to  do  that,  than  to  do  worse,  and 
**  of  two  evils  to  choose  the  least.'*  And  then  to 
crown  all  argument  in  favor  of  dancing,  they  said 
we  could  not  live  without  sin  in  this  World  ;  and 
this  dancing  they  viewed  to  be  a  harmless  sin,  if  it 
was  any  sin  at  all.  Some  said  it  was  no  sin.  But 
I  perceived  that  those  persons  Would  not  allow  that 
we  could  do  any  thing,  even  to  pray  without  com- 
mitting sin.  It  seemed  that  all  they  did  was  sin, 
except  dancing.  In  this  way  the  dancing  recrea- 
tion was  defended  by  professors  of  religion.  For 
some  time  I  was  troubled  with  this  sinful  vanity  ; 
and  I  found  it  difficult  to  excuse  myself.  I  loved 
my  young  companions,  and  they  loved  me.  I 
found  it,  however,  easier  to  convince  them  that 
dancing  was  wrong,  than  some  professors  of  religion. 
However,  I  attended  meetings,  and  paid  attention 
to  the  word  preached,  that  I  might  know  what  state 
I  was  in,  and  what  I  should  do  to  be  saved.  The 
preaching  of  the  Congregalionalists  or  Baptists, 
appeared  in  my  mind  very  contradictory  ;  their  no* 


65 

tion  of  unconditional  election,  &c.  I  could  not  be- 
lieve. The  preaching  of  the  Methodists  appeared 
scriptural  and  reasonable.  I  always  found  their 
preaching  to  edify  me.  But  if  I  became  a  Metho- 
dist, I  should  be  sure  to  lose  the  good  will  of  some 
professors  of  religion,  though  I  had  no  fear  of 
losing  the  good  will  of  the  Methodists  themselves, 
for  they  appeared  to  manifest  more  love  to  such  poor 
sinners  as  I  was,  than  other  professors  manifested  to 
each  other. 

In  attending  the  Methodist  meeting  I  soon  found 
I  rendered  myself  suspicious  among  some  of  the  Con- 
gregationalists,  and  especially  because  I  approved 
of  what  they  preached  ;  but  if  I  found  fault  with  them, 
I  pleased  some  mightily.  One  man,  a  Congregation- 
alist,  of  whom  my  father  had  a  high  opinion,  always 
had  something  to  say  against  the  Methodists.  He  told 
us,  that  he  had  heard  that  the  preachers  were  hired 
by  the  King  of  England,  and  sent  over  to  this  coun- 
try to  proselyte  the  people  ;  so  as  to  bring  back  the 
states  to  be  British  colonies  again  ;  that  the  preach- 
ers received  four  dollars  per  head,  for  every  convert 
they  made,  and  this  was  paid  to  them  by  the  British 
Consul,  residing  in  New  York.  The  story  served 
to  render  the  Methodists  a  suspicious  people  among 

us.     Mr.  Sk R  gave  his  opinion  with  a  positive 

air  and  accent.  He  could  tell  of  nothing  erroneous 
J  n  them  that  he  had  seen ;  but  their  doctrines  he 
complained  of  strenuously.  And  his  method  of  prov- 
ing their  doctrines  erroneous,  was,  to  assert  possi- 
tively  that  they  were  false,  and  then  assign  (for  an 


I'll  :, 
L  '  ■ 


^'.i! 


66 

argument)  the  opinions  of  Dr.  Pinkins,  who  was  his 
favorite  minister.  Then  he  would  fall  to  praising 
Dr.  P.  and  many  other  ministers  of  his  acquaintance, 
and  tell  us  in  what  colleges  they  were  educated,  and 
how  many  sermons  some  of  ihem  had  preached 
from  one  text,  which  was  a  certain  evidence,  in  his 
opinion,  of  a  learned  and  great  man.  My  father 
for  some  reason  got  his  mind  set  against  the  Metho- 
dists, yet  not  as  others  had  ;  for  though  he  neglected 
their  preaching  he  would  not  speak  evil  of  them. — 
One  of  my  sisters  and  her  husband,  had  joined  the 
Methodists.  And  one  of  the  neighbors,  of  whom 
my  father  had  a  high  opinion,  was  converted  and 
joined  them.  This  man  was  a  nursing  father,  and 
his  wife  a  nursing  mother  to  me.  When  he  first 
experienced  religion,  he  came  to  my  father's,  and 
with  a  solemn  pleasant  look,  said  he  had  come  to 
make  confession  for  the  injury  he  had  done  him. — 
My  father  appeared  surprised,  and  said.  Why  ?  Mr. 
Hubbard,  you  never  injured  me  in  your  life.  He  re- 
plied, I  don't  know  that  I  ever  injured  you  in  person 
or  character,  but  I  am  sensible  I  have  in  your  chil- 
dren, by  not  setting  a  good  example  before  them. 
I  am  afraid  that  through  my  light  and  trifling  con- 
versation, and  my  dancing,  they  have  been  enxrour- 
aged  in  those  sinful  practices.  But  for  this,  I  ask 
your  forgiveness.  My  father  was  too  full  of  tears  to 
speak  for  some  time.  I  was  present  until  he  stated 
the  cause  for  which  he  came  to  ask  forgiveness.  I 
then  retired  to  find  a  place  to  vent  my  tears  in  pri- 
Tate.  I  thought  of  all  the  men  in  the  world,  I  have 
the  least  cause  to  find  fault  with  Mr.  Hubbard.     I 


67 


returned  as  soon  as  I  could  suppress  my  tears,  and 
jn  time  to  hear  my  father  say  he  never  thought  Mr. 
H.  had  any  evil  design  in  any  thing  he  had  ever 
done  to  him  or  his  children  ;  and  he  did  not  believe 
that  one  of  his  children  would  accuse  him  of  any 
wrong  in  any  thing  he  had  done  to  them.  Mr.  H. 
said,  I  did  not  suppose  that  you  or  your  children 
were  prejudiced  against  me,  or  that  you  would  judge 
me  to  be  guilty  of  any  gross  immorality,  but  I  have 
been  convicted  by  the  Spirit  of  the  Lord,  and  the 
word  of  his  grace,  that  my  manner  of  life  has  been 
contrary  to  the  Gospel,  and  that  if  you  or  your  chil- 
dren should  follow  it,  it  would  be  your  undoing  ;  and 
I  thought  it  my  duty  to  come  and  take  out  of  the  way 
the  stumbling  block  I  have  laid  before  you. 

This  was  loud  preaching  to  me,  and  confirmed  my 
mind  that  dancing,  as  well  as  all  light  and  trifling 
conversation,  was  wrong.  Now  I  began  to  see  where 
I  was,  and  what  I  had  been  when  they  called  me 
deacon,  and  how  I  lost  the  enjoyment  of  the  love  of 
God,  by  casting  off  seriousness  and  restraining 
prayer.  I  thought  I  would  have  given  the  whole 
world,  if  it  had  been  mine,  in  order  to  enjoy  again 
what  I  did  when  I  was  twelve  years  old.  But  I 
thought  some  of  the  impressions  I  had  then,  were 
delusive  and  enthusiastical  ;  such  as  finding  a  partic- 
ular people,  and  being  called  to  preach.  I  was  con- 
fident that  I  was  not  fit  to  be  a  minister.  It  was 
nonsense  for  me  to  harbor  the  thought,  who  had 
broken  all  the  solemn  promises  to  serve  the  Lord 
that  I  had  ever  made  ;  I  was  no  christian,  and  it 
was  a  doubt  whether  I  ever  could  be  one.     I  con- 


» 


ts 


* 
■f. 


eluded  I  would  keep  private  the  exercises  of  my 
mind.  But  having  paid  attention  to  a  young  wroman 
whom  I  intended  to  make  my  wife,  I  began  to 
think  I  would  not  marry  her  unless  she  acquiesced 
in  my  ideas  of  being  religious  ;  therefore  to  prove 
her,  I  made  known  to  her  my  thoughts  of  being  re- 
ligious ;  and  when  I  stated  to  her  the  line  of  conduct 
I  purposed  to  pursue  in  life,  viz.  To  withdraw  from 
all  trifling  company,  and  to  dance  or  sing  songs  no 
more  ;  but  when  I  am  married,  to  pray  in  my  family 
and  live  a  life  of  honesty  and  seriousness.  I  then 
asked  her  if  she  would  be  ashamed  of  me,  and  if 
such  a  life  would  be  disagreeable  to  her.  She  said 
no,  by  no  means.  It  had  been  impressed  on  her 
mind  also,  for  some  time,  that  she  ought  to  break 
off  singing  songs,  and  as  to  dancing,  she  never  want^ 
ed  to  practice  that.  This  gave  me  great  joy,  for  I 
had  been  fully  determined,  if  my  proposals  did  not 
Buit  her  mind,  I  would  leave  her  for  ever.  After  this 
we  often  spoke  to  each  other  when  together,  of  our 
desires  to  serve  the  Lord.  But  I  thought  to  keep 
my  exercises  from  the  knowledge  of  all  others,  until 
after  I  was  married,  and  then  it  would  be  no  disgrace 
to  make  it  known* 


CHAPTER   IV. 

TkE  opposition  that  arose  against  the  Methodists 
was  maintained  with  great  zeal  for  the  established 
order  of  religion;  and  a  zeal  that  was  becoming  men 
that  designed  to  be  religious  in  the  New  England 
fashion  ;  and  I  had  no  doubt  but  the  opposers  were 
sincerely  afraid  that  their  order  would  be  injured 
by  the  Methodists.  I  wanted  to  be  a  Congregation- 
alist,  and  to  be  respectable.  But  I  wanted  the 
love  and  seriousness  of  the  Methodists.  I  loved 
their  preaching  and  doctrine  ;  but  these  seemed  to 
be  detested  by  the  Calvinists.  Therefore,  I  could 
not  be  a  Congregationalist  and  believe  the  Methodist 
doctrine.  And  for  some  lime,  I  strove  to  find  some 
error  in  those  doctrines,  and  disputed  the  point  with 
some  of  the  Methodists  ;  but  after  awhile,  I  obtained 
such  knowledge  of  the  Scriptures,  that  I  not  only 
fully  believed  their  doctrines,  but  concluded  to  oppose 
them  no  more.  Nevertheless,  how  to  please  the 
standing  order,  and  maintain  my  character  among 
all,  was  a  difficult  task.  1  concluded  to  say  nothing, 
for  or  against  the  Methodists ;  Balak-like  I  would 
neither  curse  them  nor  bless  them.  This  neutrality 
I  found  would  not  do  for  me.     Though  the  minister 


4 


lii 


70 

of  our  town  would  neither  curse  them  nor  bless 
them,  and  in  this  he  was  said  to  be  very  cunning  ; 
but  the  moment  I  left  off  opposing  them  I  was  sus- 
pected. I  could  trifle  and  be  as  vain  as  any  one, 
and  no  one  but  the  Methodists  would  chide  me  for  it. 
I  soon  found  that  trifling  and  jesting  would  serve  as 
a  substitute  for  opposing  the  Methodists,  would  ren- 
der me  respectable  among  some  professors,  and  re- 
move their  suspicions  of  me.  So  when  among  them 
I  could  make  merry,  and  when  among  the  Metho- 
dists I  would  be  serious.  But  in  a  few  months,  I 
found  this  was  mere  trifling  with  religion.  And 
concluded  that  I  could  no  longer  indulge  in  merri- 
ment, because  in  so  doing  I  could  not  retain  a  spirit 
of  prayer.  So  then,  how  to  be  a  Presbyterian,  and 
pray  like  a  Methodist,  I  could  not  tell  ;  for  I  desired 
earnestly  to  join  the  standing  order,  and  yet  hold 
the  doctrines  of  the  Methodists,  and  live  as  soberly 
and  seriously  as  they  did.  And  if  I  could  do  this,  it 
would  be  an  advantage  to  the  Congregational-order. 
But  how  to  obtain  the  pardon  of  my  sins,  and  a 
witness  that  I  was  truly  converted,  was  now  the 
subject  of  my  great  concern.  I  reasoned  thus  :  if 
religion  be  a  reality,  and  not  a  fiction,  there  is  such 
a  thing  as  knowing  it.  But  if  it  cannot  be  known, 
it  is  not  worth  my  notice.  The  Word  of  the  Lord 
tells  me,  that  religion  is  a  reality  ;  and  the  best  of 
men  have  said  they  know  this  by  experience.  But 
the  devil  has  insinuated  that  religion  is  such  a  mys- 
tejrious  and  holy  thing,  and  also,  that  such  are  the 
corruption  and  depravity  of  man  in  this  life,  that  he 


71 

cannot  enjoy  religion,  or  obtain  a  knowledge  of  it. 
But  those  professors  that  live  in  sin,  and  have 
nothing  to  distinguish  them  from  many  other 
sinners  but  their  bare  profession,  will  also  roundly 
declare  they  do  not  know,  and  cannot  know  their 
sins  forgiven.  But  they  say  they  have  a  comforta- 
ble hope.  Now,  said  I  to  myself,  which  shall  I  be- 
lieve, God  or  the  devil,  and  ignorant  professors  ? 
If  I  believe  God,  I  must  show  it  by  my  works,  and 
renounce  the  devil,  and  learn  a  proper  distinction 
between  good  and  evil ;  and  know  how  to  choose  the 
good  and  refuse  the  evil,  is  the  important  lesson  I 
must  now  learn.  If  there  be  such  a  thing  as  reli- 
gion it  must  be  designed  to  qualify  us  for  Heaven, — 
while  sin  qualifies  us  for  hell.  Upon  examination,  I 
found  I  was  a  sinner.  I  felt  the  wrath  of  God  a  just 
reward  for  all  sin.  And  his  wrath  I  should  justly  feel 
to  all  eternity,  if  I  continued  to  jest  and  trifle  as  I 
had  done.  Sometimes  a  sense  of  the  sinfulness  of 
jesting  and  joking  would  weigh  down  my  spirits. 
If  I  opened  my  mind  to  any  one,  by  stating  my  fears 
jhat  there  was  no  mercy  for  me,  some  would  say, 
why  need  you  be  troubled  ?  you  are  no  great  sinner  • 
you  never  murdered  any  one  ;  you  are  not  worse jhan 
others.  But  tiiis  was  no  comfort  to  my  mind, 
for  I  would  say — though  I  have  not  murdered  any 
one  of  my  fellow  men  ;  yet  my  sins  have  murdered 
the  Lord  Jesus  Christ.  If  I  spoke  to  one  that  was 
a  Methodist,  he  would  exhort  me  to  look  to  God  by 
faith  in  the  Lord  Jesus  Christ,  and  not  rest  until  I 
knew  my  sins  were  forgiven.  But  I  desired  to  be  a 
Congregationa]i8t,and  to  be  a  true  Christian  too.  But 


72 

how  to  make  this  out  I  knew  not ;   for  when  I  asso- 
ciated with  them,  I  lost  my  conviction  ;  but  when  I 
went  to  hear  the  Methodists,  I  became  alarmed  again. 
The  Congregationalists  taught  me  to  wail  God's  time, 
that  I  could  not  obtain  deliverance  until  the  day  of 
his  power.     The  Methodists  taught  me,  that  now  is 
God's  time,  and  now  is  the  day  of  his  converting 
power  ;  that  man  is  a  moral  agent,  and  that  God  deal« 
with  him  as  such,   that  God   did  not  make  us  rea- 
sonable beings  to   deal  unreasonable  with  us ;  that 
if  it  is  presumptuous  for  a  man  to  say  that  he  shall 
have  a  crop  of  grain  without  ploughing  or  sowing ; 
it  is  more  so,  to  expect  a  blessing  to  our  souls  with- 
out using  the  means  God   hath  appointed  ;  that   if 
a  man  be  sick,  it  would  be  absurd  to  expect  a  cure 
without  using  proper  means  ;  it  is  more  so,   to   ex- 
pect  heavenly  balm  to  our  wounded  soul  without 
repenting  and    turning  to  God.     "  It  is  true,"  said 
they,  "  that  God  can  save  without  means,  but  there 
is  no  promise  for  us  to  expect  it.     It  is  true  God  has 
power  to  annihilate  all  the  souls  of  men,  as  easily  as 
he  could  create  them,  but  if  Scripture  be  true,  he  wiH 
not  do  it."     **  Without  all,  perad venture,"  said  one, 
"  Gl)d  could  force  men  into  seriousness  ;  and  he  that 
commanded  light  out  of  darkness,  might  take  the  sin- 
ner in  his  arms,  and  carry  him  even  against  his  will, 
into  that  banqueting-house,    the    banner  whereof  is 
love.     Yea,  he  might  set  men's  souls,  as  the  work- 
man doth  his  clock.     He   might  treat  us  as  he  doth 
brute  beasts  :  but  if  the  word  of  God  be  true,  he  will 
not.     It  is  folly  to  accuse  God  with  dealing  irresisti- 


V3 

bly  with  his  creatures,  and  then  condemn  them,  for 
doing  what  they  could  not  possibly  avoid,  or  to  save 
one  irresistibly,  and  not  save  all.  And  to  represtnt 
God  as  having  made  a  world  of  intelligent  creatures, 
for  his  glory,  and  by  a  decree  ensnare  them  in  sin 
and  filth  that  he  might  have  the  pleasure  <i[  torment- 
ing the  greater  part  of  ihem  in  eternal  fire,  is  worse 
than  atheism.  For  it  would  be  better  to  believe  in  no 
God,  than  to  believe  in  one  that  exerted  almighty 
power  to  create  beings  to  glorify  and  enjoy  him;  and 
then  exert  the  same  almighty  power  to  damn  them 
in  hell,  as  though  his  power  were  exerted  against 
itself." 

The  Methodists  said,  that  "  God  made  nothing  in 
vain ;  that  having  made  his  crealurifes  moral  agents, 
he  had  therefore  designed  them  for  his  service.  No 
man  lighieth  a  candle  and  putleth  it  under  a  bushel : 
but  sitteth  it  oh  a  candle-stick,  that  it  may  give  light 
to  all  in  the  house.  So  God  never  made  a  rational 
soul,  and  left  it  without  the  means  of  moral  improve- 
ment. No  man  ever  made  a  house  for  the  pleasure 
^  setting  it  on  fire,  and  seeing  it  bum  down.  He 
that  makes  a  diamond  ring  does  not  intend  it  for  a 
hog's  snout.  He  that  makes  a  rich  carpet  does  not 
intend  it  for  a  house-mop  or  dish-clouts.  And  shall 
wo  think  God  more  imprudent  than  man  ?  Shall  we 
imagine  that  God  has  less  foresight  than  common 
tradesmen  ?  Truly,  if  we  draw  conclusions  from 
some  men's  representation  of  God,  we  must  gather 
no  less  from  what  they  say  and  do,  than  that  they 
imagine  God  to  be  more  brutish  than  the  most  carnal 


^- 


I'' 


(I 


74 

wretch  living,   who  never  would   toil   for  gold  and 
silver,  for  the  pleasure  of  throwing  it  into  the   sea. 
For  they  profess  to  believe  that  God  has  given  them 
a  more  refined  spirit  than  irrational  creatures  have  ; 
and  yet  they  employ  that  spirit  to  no  higher  use  than 
beasts  do   their  instinct.     Shall  God  give  us  an  ex- 
alted soul  that  can  eat  angels'  food,  and  shall  we,  like 
the  prodigal,  fill  our  bellies  with  husks  ?     Shall  the 
grace  of  God  that  bringeth  salvation,  appear  to  all 
men  ;  and  God  design  that  it  should  have  no  higher 
use  than  to  teach  and  instruct  us  how  to  feed  and 
clothe  a  poor  corruptible   body,   and  how  to  wallow 
in  sin  as  the  swine  in  the  mire  ?     I  cannot  coneeive 
how  a  Christian  man  can  have  such  thoughts  of  God, 
unless  he  is  laboring  under  a  strong  delusion."     I 
thought  if  a  man  denied  himself  to  be  a  moral  agent, 
he  did  in  fact  deny  his  accountability  to  God,  and  ren- 
dered himself  brutish.     I  doubted  whether  such  an 
one  could  be  allowed  to  humble  himself  like  Agar, 
who  said,  "  I  am  more  brutish  than  any  man.**     But 
to  be  consistent  with  just  conclusions  from  his  senti- 
ments, he  should  degrade  himself  by  saying  :  "  I  am 
a  brute  and  no  man." 

When  I  went  among  the  Congregationalisls,  they 
were  engaged  to  fortify  their  principles  against  the 
doctrines  of  the  Methodists.  They  said  at  first,  that 
man  was  not  a  moral  agent ;  but  that  he  was  only 
a  natural  agent ;  that  God  had  decreed  all  things, 
but  then  they  were  willing  only  to  mean  by  this, 
that  God  foreknew  all  things.  For  they  said — 
God's  foreknowledge    and    decrees  were  the  same 


JIM- 


75 

thing  :  or  that  he  could  not  have  foreknown  if  he  had 
not  decreed,  but  their  great  argument  to  prove  it, 
was  their  ignorance.  Our  mifiister  would  say.  This 
is  a  great  mystery.  It  is  an  unfathomable  ocean  :  we 
cannot  comprehend  it ;  but  it  is  so  :  we  must  be- 
lieve it.  One  man,  Mr.  G -,  said  in  a  confer- 
ence meeting,  that  if  a  man  had  a  system  that  he 
could  see  through,  so  as  to  account  for  the  reasona- 
bleness of  it,  it  was  a  certain  sign  that  man  was 
wrong.  But  if  a  man  had  a  system  that  he  could 
not  see  through,  or  shew  its  consistency,  it  was  a 
certain  sign  that  man  was  right.     This  notion  of  Mr. 

G ,   obtained  the  assent  of  all  his  brethren.     I 

said  nothing  pro  or  corij  but  I  felt  sorrow,  that  so 
honorable  a  religion  had  nothing  better  than  confusion 
for  its  supporl. 

In  the  spring,  after  I  was  of  age,  I  proposed  to  go 
into  the  western  part  of  New  York  state,  and  look 
me  out  some  new  land  to  settle  upon.  I  mentioned 
this  to  her  whom  I  intended  to  make  my  wife.  She 
approved  of  it ;  and  her  brother  volunteered  to  ac- 
company me.  So  we  set  out  (to  seek  our  fortunes) 
on  a  pedestrian  lour  of  three  or  four  hundred  miles, 
in  a  circuitous  route,  to  find  good  land.  At  last  we 
cartie  to  Norway,  near  the  Royal  Grants.  There 
we  thought  to  settle.  We  look  some  land,  and  got 
in  six  acres  of  wheat,  and  returned  home  late  in  the 
fall  of  1792.  And  after  arranging  all  things  accord- 
ing to  the  rules  and  customs  of  Massachusetts,  I  was 
married  on  the  10th  day  of  January,  1793. 

In  all  this  time  I  had  similar  exercises  of  mind,  as 


1ft- 


70 

in  months  before.  Sometimes  I  was  melted  into 
tenderness,  and  for  awhile  I  was  serious  and  solemn. 
Then  again  I  would  joke  and  jest.  My  serious  turns 
gave  my  joking  turns  an  appearance  of  greater  vfii ; 
and  some  people  formed  an  opinion  that  my  serious- 
ness was  all  feigned,  with  a  design  to  give  a  zest  to 
my  jokes.  This  troubled  me  at  limes  ;  it  was  not 
so;  but  I  only  knew  my  design  in  it;  yet  1  could 
not  justify  myself  in  these  measures  to  hide  my 
Melhodisiical  opinions ;  for  the  doctrines  of  the 
Methodists  I  cordially  approved,  and  the  spirit  of 
humility  and  love  so  manifestly  governing  them,  in- 
spired in  me  a  decided  opinion  in  their  favor.  But 
for  me  to  be  a  Methodist,  when  they  were  so  few  in 
number,  and  so^  opposed  by  even  good  men,  and 
the  finger  of  scorn  pointed  at  them  by  some  who  I 
feared  were  only  hypocrites,  yet  high  professors  of 
religion,  while  the  wicked,  by  this  contempt  of  pro- 
fessors, were  encouraged  to  make  the  poor  Metho- 
dists the  butt  of  their  ridicule,  was  painful  to  me. — 
But  these  words  of  our  Lord  sounded  an  alarm  to 
me,  "Whosoever  is  ashamed  of  me  and  of  my  words 
before  this  adulterous  generation,  of  him  will  I  be 
ashamed  before  my  father  and  his  holy  angels."  I 
saw  that  in  seeking  to  please  others,  I  despised  my 
Lord  in  his  true  members. 

A  little  before,  and  at  the  time  of  my  marriage,  it 

leemed  that  all  the  combined  powers  of  men  and 

devils,  with  all  their  wit  and  finesse,  were  engaged  to 

draw  me  into  dancing,  or  civil  recreation,  falsely  so 

ailed.     At  my  wedding,  my  wife's  friends  would 


77 


have  a  fiddler.  To  prevent  this,  I  desired  my  father 
to  speak  to  our  good  minister  for  me,  to  preach  us  a 
sermon  at  his  house  on  the  day  after  the  wedding. — 
This  he  promised  to  do;  and  this  frustrated  the 
design  of  having  a  fiddler.  But  on  the  9th,  I  re- 
ceived an  open  letter  from  the  minister,  in  which  he 
recalled  his  appointment  to  preach.  This  news  flew 
like  the  wind,  and  a  fiddler  was  sent  for  without  my 
knowledge.  On  receiving  this  letter,  my  mind  was 
impressed  with  heavy  gloom  ;  and  the  next  day  in 
gloomy  dejection  I  dressed  myself  and  went  to  be 
married.  On  arriving  there,  my  spirits  revived  a 
little.  The  wedding  guests  were  agreeable.  But 
when  I  saw  the  fiddler,  my  gloom  returned  with 
double  weight ;  I  sought  for  a  private  place  to  adjust 
my  feelings.  The  company  saw  my  agitation,  and 
knew  the  cause.  The  fiddler  too,  (poor  black  fellow) 
saw  it,  and  it  touched  his  heart,  so  that  he  never 
rested  after  this  wedding,  until  God  set  his  soul  at 
liberty,  and  he  broke  his  fiddle.  Though  I  said  no- 
thing, yet  I  hurt  their  feelings  because  I  was  not 
cheerful.  And  every  device  of  flattery  and  wit  was 
resorted  to,  to  cheer  me  up.  Our  good  minister  was 
requested  to  give  his  opinion  in  favor  of  dancing.-^ 
And  so  he  did.  May  the  Lord  forgive  him.  A 
good  man  may  be  drawn  to  give  an  erroneous  opin-' 
ion,  when  importuned  by  people  whom  he  wishes  to 
please.  So  he  gave  his  opinion  that  there  was  no 
harm  in  a  civil  dance,  and  advised  me  to  gi\e  it  up. 
"  You  cannot,"  said  he,  "  stem  the  torrent."  O 
how  this  pleased  the  company.    After  he  was  gone, 


i 


78 

they  praised  the  minister.  He  was  one  of  the  best 
of  men,  all  agreed.  ,Ah!  said  one,  he  is  not  starched 
up  with  superstition.  All  these  things  were  said  to 
cheer  me  up.  But  I  was  not  entirely  cured  of  my 
seriousness  that  night ;  however,  within  a  week  or 
ten  days,  being  constantly  in  merry  company,  in  at- 
tending two  weddings,  my  Methodist  notions  (as  my 
seriousness  was  called)  were  about  cured. 

In  about  ten  days  I  called  to  see  Thomas  Hub- 
bard, and  after  a  free  conversation  with  him  and  his 
wife,  I  again  felt  broken   into  contrition,  and  self- 
abasement   for  my  folly  :  and  now  I  resolved  once 
more  that  I  would  seek  the  Lord  :  but  my  convic- 
tion was  less  pungent,  so  that  I  was  afraid  God  had 
left  me ;  though  1  could  weep  at  times,  yet  the  horror 
of  guilt  was  passed :  but  shame  for  my  instability 
remained,  with  only  a  general  view  of  the  justice  of 
God  in  my  damnation  ;  in  time  past  I  had  a  clear  and 
particular  sense  of  the  justice  of  God  in  my  damna- 
tion ;  and  therefore  this  general  view  now  I  thought 
was  only  a  remembrance  of  the  former  views  I  had  of 
God's  retributive  justice,  and  not  an  effect  of  the  spirit 
of  God,  now  convicting  me  of  sin  :  and  therefore   I 
thought  his  spirit  was  withdrawn  from  me,  or  rather 
that  I  had  grieved  it  away. 

In  this  frame  of  mind,  I  continued  until  about 
the  last  of  January,  having  been  married  on  the 
tenth  of  this  month  ;  and  having  conversed  with 
many  after  visiting  T.  H.,  to  some  of  whom  I  related 
my  experience  when  I  was  young  ;  and  some  said 
that  I  had  been  converted,  and  that  I  should  never 


79 

fall  away  ;  I  told  them  that  I  had  fallen  away.  O 
no,  they  said,  the  sparks  of  grace  were  in  my  heart 
covered  up  with  sin,  as  fire  in  ashes,  and  I  could 
never  lose  it.  I  said  I  had  lost  it,  and  that  now  I 
was  as  sure  of  being  damned  as  I  was  sure  there 
was  a  God  of  truth  to  judge  ihe  world,  unless  I  ob- 
tained pardon  for  the  sins  I  had  committed.  They 
said  it  hurt  them  to  hear  me  talk  so.  I  said  that  I  have 
some  hope  that  God  will  forgive  me  if  I  seek  him  in 
a  right  manner ;  for  it  is  written,  "  Let  the  wicked 
forsake  his  way, and  the  unrighteous  man  his  thoughts, 
and  let  him  return  unto  the  Lord,  and  he  will  have 
mercy  upon  him  ;  and  to  our  God  for  he  will  abun- 
dantly pardon."  They  said,  then  you  think  to  go  to 
heaven  by  your  works,  do  you  ?  I  said  no,  not  by  my 
works  ;  but  I  beheve  that  I  must  seek  if  I  would  find ; 
and  the  Saviour  saith,  "Seek  first  the  kingdom  of  God 
and  his  righteousness."  They  said,  "  Ah  !  the  Meth- 
odists hold  that  they  are  going  to  Iieaven  by  their 
works  ;  and  you  are  deceiving  yourself  with  their 
doctrines."  I  said  I  had  never  heard  the  Methodists 
say  that  they  were  going  to  heaven  by  their  works  ; 
but  they  say  we  cannot  obtain  mercy  without  repent- 
ance ;  and  as  to  deceiving  myself,  I  have  long  been 
deceived  with  sin,  and  if  I  do  not  forsake  it,  I  shall 
be  damned.  They  said  they  pitied  me,  and  they  ad- 
Tised  me  to  be  careful  and  not  deceive  myself  with 
the  Methodist  doctrine. 

I  now  saw  that  the  Calvinists,  whether  Presbyte- 
rian or  Baptists,  instead  of  warning  me  against  sin 
and  pointing  me  to  the  Saviour  of  men  for  relief, 


'";»> 


80 

were  only  laboring  lo  quiet  my  mind  in  sin,  and  to 
persuade  me  lo  believe   myself  a  Christian  in  my 
backslidden  and  sinful  stale.     To  go  on  in  folly  and 
sin  with  the  wicked,  was  sure  destruction.     To  join 
any  Christian  church,  I  was  not  fit.     And  to  gel  reli- 
gion in  my  own  power,  I  could  not.     And  though  I 
believed  that  pardon  of  sin  was  an  act  or  work  of 
God,  yet  he  would  not  pardon,  though  he » was  will- 
ing to  pardon,  unless  I  sought   him  in  a  right  man- 
ner.    And  to  seek  him  and  pray  without  ihe  spirit 
of  prayer,  woukl  be   only  lip  service.      And  ihis 
spirit  of  conviction  and  prayer  I  had  not  so  much  of 
now  as  I  had  one  month  ago.     Finally,  I    was  con- 
vinced that  the  reason  why  God  did   not  pardon  my 
sins,  was  wholly  a  fauh  in  me  ;  and   that  if  I  had 
sought  him  with  all  my  heart  I   should  have  found 
comfort.     In  this  frame  of  mind  I' resolved  that  I 
would  never  eat,  drink,  nor  sleep,  until  I  had  sought 
the  Lord  with  all  my  heart,  and  obtained  a  sense  of 
the  pardon  of  my  sins.     It  was  at  my  wife's  father's^ 
on  a  cold  night,  the  28th  of  January,  I  retired  lo  a 
cold  room  for  private  prayer,  as  all  retired   to  bed, 
and  putting   my  watch-coat  over   my  shoulders,  I 
kneeled  down    for  prayer  :    immediately,  thoughts 
'  were   suggested  that   1  was  very  presumptuous  to 
make  such  a  vow  as  I  had  done,  for  I  might  not  find 
mercy,  and  as  it  was  a  very  cold  night,  I  might 
freeze  to  death  and  be  damned  ;  and  I  hat   as  I  had 
been  lately  married,  my  wife  and  her  father's  family 
were  all  in   bed  in  the  same  house,  and  would  be 
disturbed  by   me,  and  be  ashamed  of   me,  and  I, 


81 

should  certainly  lose  my  character,  and  be  counted 
crazy,  and  also  grieve  and  offend  my  relations.  But 
to  all  these  suggestions  I  answered  :  I  care  not  for 
them  nor  my  own  present  ease  ;  I  will  not  break  my 
vow.  It  was  then  suggested,  presumptuous  !  Yott 
think  to  force  the  Lord  1  thought  the  king- 
dom of  Heaven  suffered  violence.  But  something 
said.  You  have  not  concern  enough — you  have  but 
very  little  concern  now  ;  had  you  not  better  put  off 
the  vow  until  you  get  more  conviction,  at  least  as 
much  as  you  had  one  month  ago  ?  1  said  no,  I  will 
not.  It  was  whispered  to  my  mind.  You  will  freeze 
to  death  and  be  damned.  I  said.  Then,  I  will  be 
damned  crying  for  mercy.  But  you  have  not  so 
much  concern  as  you  had  two  days  ago,  and  if  you 
will  now  break  your  vow  and  wait  until  the  Lord 
pleases  to  send  you  more  conviction,  then  you 
would  stand  some  chance  to  find  mercy  ;  but  now 
you  will  freeze,  and  die,  and  be  damned.  Then  I 
will  be  damned,  for  I  will  not  break  my  vow.  I 
have  vowed  to  cry  for  mercy  until  I  obtain  it. — 
And  though  my  conviction  is  not  so  great  as  it  has 
been,  it  is  all  because  I  have  grieved  the  Holy  Spirit 
by  breaking  my  promises  to  live  soberly,  and  seek 
the  Lord  with  fervency  of  mind.  O,  how  dull  and 
stupid  my  mind  is ;  I  groaned  out  a  desire  for  a  due 
concern  for  my  soul,  and  for  God's  praise  and  glory. 
In  a  moment  it  was  suggested  to  my  mind,  you  will 
disturb  the  family,  your  wife  will  be  ashamed  of  you, 
your  friends  will  be  ashamed  of  you ;  you  have  been 

4* 


mUBM 


h 


lately  married  to  an  amiable   young  woman,  one  cal- 
culated  to  make   your  life   happy,  but   your  rash, 
pi'esumptuous   vow   will  destroy  you  ;    you  cannot 
obtain  mercy  in  this  presumptuous  way,  neither  will 
the  Lord  hear  you,  nor  regard  your  cry,  unless  you 
have  more  of  his  spirit ;  and  that  you  cannot  obtain 
in  this  rash  way  ;  you   had  better  break  your  vow, 
for  a  bad  promise  is  better  broken  than  kept.     I  said 
no,  I  will  never  break  this  promise,  I  have  broken  too 
many  in  days  past.     It  is  but  to  die  and  be  damned. 
I  shall  die  and  be  damned  if  I  live   as  I  have  done, 
and  what  though  this  promise  is  rash,  is  it  not  more 
rash  and  presumptuous  to  expect  God's  blessing  with- 
out using  the  means  he  requires?     And  he  has  said, 
"  Ye  shall  find  me  when  ye  search  after  me  with  all 
your  i.eart."     But  this  I  never  have  done,  and  now  I 
will,  or  I  will  be  damned.     Jacob  wrestled  all  night. 
David  said,  **1  will  not  go  up  into  my  bed,  nor  give 
sleep  to  my  eyes  until  I  find  out  a  place  for  the  God  of 
Jacob."  If  I  am  rash,  they  were  rash  ;  but  who  would 
call  it  rashness  ?   none  that  would  exhort  me  to  seek 
the  Lord  with  all  my  heart,  and  it  is  with  all  my  heart  J 
must  seek  God  or  be  damned  ;  why  ihen  should  I  re- 
gard such  people,  who  rather  than  seek  God  with  all 
their  heart,  would  live  in  sin  ;  and  why  should  my  vow 
be  counted  rash  or  sinful  when  it   is  against  myself 
that  I   complain  because  I   have  never  sought  the 
Lord  with  all  my  heart.    God  is  good  ;  he  has  borne 
with  me  ;  but  I  have  been  vile  and  abused  all   his 
mercies ;  and  now,  when  I  vow   in  earnest  that  I 
will  not   abuse  or  disobey  his  call,  i$^ust  be  called 
presumptuous  or  rash.     Let  those  call  it  so  who  will, 


.S'i 


83 


\  u 


I  care  not  for  them — so  away  all  earthly  friends,  I 
have  done  with  you  forever  !  Farewell  fathers,  moth- 
ers, brothers,  sisters,  wife  and  friends,  I  have  no  more 
to  do  with  you  !  you  cannot  save  my  soul ;  and  now, 
O  God,  to  thee  I  look  ;  have  mercy,  have  mercy,  for 
mercy  is  all  my  plea. 

Thus  I  continued   on    my  knees   for   about   five 
hours,   and  after  struggling    against  the  suggestion 
to  break  my  vow,    five   or  six  times,  my  mind  was 
fixed  on   God    alone,  and   my  only  cry  was,  have 
mercy  on  me  a  sinner.     O  thou  son  of  David,  have 
mercy  on  me  !  O  God,  have  mercy— show  me  mer- 
cy— mercy — mercy — mercy!  when  suddenly  it  ap- 
peared to  me  that    the  God  to  whom  I  prayed  was 
the  Lord  God  gracious    and   merciful.     I  said,  yes, 
thou  art  merciful,   and  that  moment  the  burden  I 
felt  was  all  gone.     Though  the  burden   was  not  so 
great  as  I  had  felt  it  in  times  past,  at  least  it  seemed 
80 ;  but  what  I  had   was    all    gone,    and  joy  with 
a   sweet   peace    arose  in    my  whole    soul.     I    said 
yea,  Lord,  thou  art  my  God,  and  I  will  praise  thee. 
i  will  always  praise  thee.     I  arose   from  my  knees, 
and  found  I  was  in  quite  a  perspiration  ;  I  was  warm 
in  every  part.      Ah  !  thought  I,    now  I  know  it  was 
tliQ  devil  that  said  I  should  freeze  to  death,  but  he  is 
a  liar,  for  I  am  warm,  and  the  best  of  all  is,  God  is 
with  me,  and  he  is  my  God. 

f  had  a  clear  evidence  of  my  acceptance  with 
God  until  the  next  morning,  when  I  proposed  to 
pray  in  the  family,  but  was  opposed  by  my  wife's 
mother,   and  this   grieved  me.     I   wentj  out  to  the 


li 


i^v*^ 


f 


■'>5i'» 


P 


84 

barn  to  pray,  but  I  was  so  tempted  to  doubt  of  the 
reality  of  what  I  had  experienced,  that  although  I 
felt  no  guih  of  sin,  yet  I  doubled  whether  the  mani- 
festation of  pardon  i  had  felt,  was  really  conver- 
sion or  not.  And  it  was  eight  months  before  I  had 
the  clear  witness  that  I  was  born  of  God. 

From  this  time  I  labored  to  make  all  I  read  my 
own,  and  try  myself  by  it.  And  being  fully  deter- 
mined as  soon  as.  I  tboi>ght  I  was  fit,  I  would  join 
the  Methodists;  I  bought  several  of  their  books, 
particularly  Mr.  Fletcher's  volumes,  Christian's 
Pattern,  the  Saint's  Rest,  Law's  Serious  Call,  Al- 
leine's  Alarm.  And  after  arranging  my  matters,  I 
left  my  wife  with  her  mother,  while  her  father  and 
brother  were  to  go  with  me  la  Norway,  to  seek  a 
place  to  settle  ourselves  ;  I  went  the  last  of  Febru* 
ary,  and  they  came  the  last  of  ApriL 


CHAPTER  V. 


I 


This  season,  I  bargained  for  a  farm  about  the  first, 
of  June ;  but  immediately  I  was  in  heaviness,  owing 
to  conviction  that  I  ought  to  go  back  and  settle  in  the 
place  where  I  was  brought  up. 

It  was  this  year,  in  the  month  of  May,  that  I  was^ 
to  find  the  people  that  were  revealed  to  me  to  have 
been  in  England,  when  I  was  twelve  years  old.  And 
80  it  was,  though  I  had  not  once  thought  that  the  Me- 
thodists were  this  people,  until  about  the  middle  of 
the  month  of  May — on  a  Sabbath,  I  had  retired  to  the 
woods,  to  read  Mr.  Fletcher's  Vindication.  Be- 
cause the  Baptist  people  with  whom  I  lived,  had  ex- 
pressed a  dissatisfaction  at  my  reading  that  book, 
therefore  I  went  into  the  woods,  so  as  to  give  them 
no  oflfence.  And  while  reading  these  words,  "What 
of  God's  mercy,  which  is  over  all  his  works  ?"  "What 
of  the  oath,  he  swears  that  he  willeth  not  the  death  of 
a  sinner  ?"  &c.  and  the  whole  sentence  connected  with 
it.  I  paused,  and  thought  surely  I  have  read  this 
before.  In  a  moment  I  recollected  this  was  what  I 
had  revealed  to  me,  when  I  was  twelve  years  old, 
and  this  was  the  sign  by  which  I  was  to  know  the 
people  when  I  found  them,  and  therefore  the  Metho- 
dists are  the  people  I  was  to  find.    I  read  over  the 


\i 


v 


86 

subject  again,  and  compared  it  with  what  was  reveal- 
ed to  me  at  that  lime,  and  what  I  knew  of  tlie  Metho- 
dists; and  every  thing  answered  so  completely  to 
the  description  I  had  of  this  people,  that  I  was  filled 
with  wonder,  love,  and  praise.  0  God  !  I  said,  thou 
hast  brought  me  to  thy  banqueting-house  :  the  house 
of  my  God,  is  his  church  and  people.  The  Method- 
ists  surely  are  thy  people  ;  and  now  I  know  it  is  my 
duty  to  join  them  the  first  opportunity. 

At  this  lime  I  had  also  an  impression  to  preach ; 
and  that  I   must  go  back  to  the  town   of  Hinsdale 
where"!  was  brought  up,  to  commence   preaching. 
Therefore,  every  measure  I  took  to  settle   myself  in 
Norway,  proved  a  source  of  gloom  and  heaviness  to 
my  mind,  and   continued  so,  until  one   day  while  I 
was  in  secret  prayer,  I  said,  O  Lord  !  if  I  can  be 
freed  from  my  engagement,  honorably  I  will  go  back. 
Though  of  all  places  in  the  world,   none  appears  lo 
be  more  crossing  for  me  lo  exhort,  or  begin  the  pub- 
'lic  worship  of  God,  than  in  Hinsdale  ;  yet,  O  Lord  ! 
I  will  never  omit  any  duly  that  is  made  known  lo  me, 
even  if  the  devil  stand  at  the  door,  or  if  I  knew  I 
should  die  for   it.     Immediately  all  my  gloom  and 
heaviness  was  gone.     And  that  night  the  man  I  had 
bought  ihe  farm  of,  came   and  desired  me  to  recam, 
because  he  could  sell  it  for  more  than  I  was  to  give  ; 
I  readily  gave  it  up  to  him. 

The  impression  lo  preach  I  conslrued  to  mean  only 
exhortation  :  for  I  could  not  believe  myself  qualified 
to  preach,  nor  believe  that  I  could  acquire  qualifica- 
tions which  could  do  honor  to  the  cause  of  God  in 


i ^ 


87 


that  station,  for  I  doubted  whether  I  was  a  child  of 
God  at  this  time,  and  if  1  were,  I  was  the  least  of  all. 
Therefore  as  the  Methodists  had  one  grade  of  official 
characters  called  exhorters,  I  concluded  that  exhorta- 
tion was  intended  by  the  impression  to  preach :  and 
if  I  was  faithful  to  do  my  duty,  all  my  doubts  would 
be  removed ;  also  if  I  was  a  child  of  God  I  should 
have  the  witness  of  it ;  and  if  I  was  not  now,  the 
Lord  would  make  me  a  child  of  his  :  insomuch  that  I 
bad  no  fear  of  being  damned,  only  I  feared  to  neglect 
my  duly. 

When  the  farm  was  taken  off  my  hands,  I  could 
easily  dispose  of  ihe  rest  of  my  concerns,  so  as  to 
return  in  the  fall.  Bui  when  my  kind  friends  in  that 
place  found  I  would  not  settle  with  ihem,  they  began 
to  imporiune  me  to  larry  ;  one  ofiered  me  a  good  bar- 
gain and  then  another,  until  I  told  them  that  I  be- 
lieved the  Lord  had  made  it  my  duly  to  go  back  lo 
Hinsdale. 

My  first  public  exercises  in  the  worship  of  God, 
commenced  while  in  Norway,  immediately  after  my 
mind  was  fully  satisfied  that  the  Methodists  were  the 
people  I  should  live  to  see.  I  determined  to  exliort 
and  pray  with  all  I  could  so  far  as  it  appeared  to  me 
lo  be  for  the  glory  of  God  and  the  good  of  souls.  One 
day  I  met  with  Jonathan  Miller  in  a  wood;  I 
asked  him  why  he  did  not  pray  to  God  and  get  his 
soul  converted.  He  said  the  prayers  of  the  wicked 
were  an  abomination  lo  the  Lord.  I  said  yes  ;  be- 
cause they  pray  the  Lord  lo  depart  from  them,  for 
they  desire  not  the  knowledge  of  his  ways  :  and  when 


M- 


♦  • 


I 


88 

Hi 

invited  to  come  to  the  Lord,  they  pray  to  be  excused, 
because  they  have  bought  a  farm  or  married  a  wife. 
These  prayers  are  an  abomination  to  the  Lord  ;  but 
ihe  prayers  of  a  poor  penitent  sinner  is,  "God  be  mer- 
ciful to  me  a  sinner,"  and  this  prayer  is  not  an  abomi- 
nation. I  then  asked  him  if  he  would  kneel  down 
with  me,  and  I  would  pray  for  him.  He  did  so ;  and 
we  both  arose,  all  bathed  in  tears.  From  this  time 
he  began  to  cry  unto  the  Lord,  and  in  about  three 
weeks  his  burden  of  guilt  was  removed,  and  he  be- 
gan to  praise  the  Lord. 

We  had  no  Methodists  within  twenty  miles  of  us, 
and  the  Baptists  held  no  meetings  in  our  neighbor- 
hood, except  one  about  seven  miles  off.  Mr.  Mil- 
ler urged  me  to  hold  meetings.  I  objected  because 
I  was  not  a  member  of  any  church,  and  I  could  join 
none  but  the  Methodists  ;  and  I  knew  of  none  of 
these  in  that  part  of  the  country.  Well,  said  he,  then 
come  to  my  house  on  the  Sabbath,  and  spend  the 
day  with  me  in  reading,  singing,  and  prayer.  To 
this  I  agreed,  on  condition  that  he  would  tell  no  one 
of  it.  He  asked  me  if  he  might  not  tell  Mrs.  Knapp, 
a  very  pious  Baptist  woman,  who  lived  next  neigh- 
bor to  him.     To  this  I  agreed.     But  said,  teH  no  one 

else. 

On  the  next  Sabbath  instead  of  retiring  to  the 
woods,  to  spend  the  day  in  reading  and  prayer,  as  I 
used  to,  1  contrived  to  get  to  Mr.  Miller's  in  some 
private  way  ;  because,  many  of  our  neighbors,  if  they 
knew  where  I  was,  would  come  to  me  to  talk  in  a 
disputing  way  about  religion ;  and  I  chose  rather  to 


nifc 


f 


89 

spend  the  holy  Sabbath  in  reading  and  prayer.  There- 
fore I  was  careful  to  go  to  Mr.  Miller's  in  a  private 
way.  I  took  to  the  woods,  and  so  came  out  in  the 
open  field  where  Mr.  M.'s  house  stood,  with  a  full  de- 
termination to  bear  my  cross  in  praying  as  well  as  I 
could  ;  supposing  that  I  should  have  none  to  pray 
with  but  Mr.  Miller's  family  and  Mrs.  Knapp  ;  but 
when  I  entered  the  door,  I  was  surprised  to  find  the 
house  full  of  people,  from  the  south  and  east  part  of  the 
settlement.  They  had  a  table  and  the  great  chair  plac- 
ed for  the  preacher  to  occupy,  and  I  was  informed  that 
some  had  heard  that  I  was  to  preach  there  that  day. 
Mr-  M.  and  Mrs.  K.  whispered  to  me,  and  said  it  all 
had  happened  without  any  design,  for  Mr.  M.  told 
Mrs.  K.,  but  never  thought  to  desire  her  to  say  no- 
thing about  it  to  others,  and  she  had  notified  some 
and  they  told  others.  But  said  Mrs.  K.,  (in  a  loud 
whisper,)  you  must  not  let  the  cross  be  too  great  for 
you,  but  you  must  trust  in  the  Lord  and  bear  your 
cross.  I  sat  trembling,  and  considering  my  vows  that 
I  would  be  faithful.  I  thought  I  will  read,  and  sing, 
and  pray,  and  in  prayer  I  will  be  very  careful  not  to 
say  any  thing  that  will  give  bccasion  for  any  one  to 
reproach  religion. 

With  trembling  I  arose,  read  a  chapter  in  the  Bi- 
ble, then  a  hymn,  and  they  joined  in  singing ;  and 
while  singing  I  thought  it  would  not  do  to  kneel  down 
with  my  face  towards  the  people,  for  if  I  should  be 
balked  for  want  of  words  in  prayer,  the  people  would 
see  the  confusion  in  my  face ;  so  I  turned  and  kneel- 
ed down  with  my  face  to  the  wall,  and  began  to  pray. 


)  * 


« 


% 

Vi'i 


?    ' 


I 


M 

r 


90 


At  first  I  looked  well  to  my  words,  both  of  what  I  had 
said  and  what  I  should  say,  and  I  thought  I  piaycd 
as  well  as  any  minister ;  but  all  at  once,  conviction 
seized  my  mind,  that  I  was  looking  to  my  prayer, 
and  not  to  the  Lord.  This  confounded  me.  I  swelled 
with  grief  that  I  should  so  mock  God  with  a  mere 
sound  of  words ;  my  conscience  chided  me  ;  but  I  im- 
mediately resolved  to  mock  him  no  more  in  this  way  ; 
and  bursting  into  tears  I  cried  unto  the  Lord  with 
such  form  and  words,  as  would  express  what  I  felt 
without  any  attention  or  regard  to  their  grammatical 
order.  My  trembling  all  left  me  at  once,  and  sweet 
peace  and  love  to  God  and  his  creatures  inspired  me  ; 
and  when  I  arose  from  prayer,  I  found  nearly  all  the 
people  in  tears.  The  sight  of  which  encouraged  me 
so,  I  exhorted  them  a  few  minutes,  and  then  prayed 
again,  and  so  closed  the  meeting. 

I  apologized  for  holding  the  meeting  in  this  man- 
ner, and  that  I  only  intended  to  spend  the  Sabbath 
with  Mr.  M.,  &c.  But  I  hoped  no  one  would  re- 
proach religion  on  account  of  my  weakness.  The 
people  taijied  after  meeting  to  entreat  me  to  hold 
meetinff  again  the  next  Sabbath ;  and  when  I  saw 
them  so  lender  and  loving,  I  consented,  and  because 
Mrs.  Knapp  said  she  thought  I  ought  to,  by  all 
means.  But  I  was  surprised  to  find  that  my  meeting 
that  day  had  been  three  and  a  half  hours  long  by  the 
watcli.  Truly,  thought  I,  the  zeal  of  thy  house,  O 
Lord,  hath  eaten  me  up  to-day.  My  soul  was  all 
love  to  God  and  this  dear  people.  So  I  agreed  to 
have  a  meeting  therd  on  the  next  Sabbath.  But,  said 


^^^^BKr 


91 

I,  I  hope  you  all  will  join  with  me  to  persuade  the 
professors  of  religion  to  come  forward,  and  take  the 
lead  of  the  meeting,  which  they  did  ;  but  not  till  af- 
ter I  had  held  two  or  three  meetings,  in  which  time 
many  were  awakened,  and  thirteen  professed  to  be 
converted.  Then  the  old  professors  came  out  to  nurse 
the  young  converts,  and  sent  off  for  a  Baptist  minis- 
ter to  come  and  preach  in  the  place.  They  found  it 
easy  to  proselyte  some  of  them  over  to  the  Baptist 
modes  and  faith.  But  many  would  not  join  the  Bap- 
tist church,  until  they  conversed  with  me.  I  told  them, 
that  when  I  joined  any  church,  it  would  be  with  the 
Methodists  ;  but  as  there  were  none  of  them  in  that 
place,  and  I  did  not  know  that  there  ever  would  be,  I 
could  not  advise  them  to  join  any  church  ;  but  if  they 
could  reconcile  the  customs  and  doctrines  of  the  Bap- 
tists to  their  feelings,  I  would  advise  them  to  join 
them ;  for  I  did  not  think  religion  consisted  in 
opinions,  but  in  living  a  life  of  righteousness.  As  to 
the  doctrine  of  unconditional  election  and  reprobation, 
as  held  by  the  Baptists,  I  did  not  believe  it  was  con- 
sistent with  the  true  sense  of  the  Scripture,  or  with 
common  sense  ;  for  Jesus  had  purified  unto  himself 
a  peculiar  people,  zealous  of  good  works,  and  good 
works  I  believed  were  the  best  evidences  of  a  man's 
religion.  If  you  are  Baptists,  show  your  faith  by 
your  works,  and  we  shall  not  differ  about  the  essen- 
tials of  religion. — Upon  this  they  joined  the  Baptists. 
But  the  minister  came  to  talk  with  me.  He  labored 
to  prove  to  me  that  unconditional  election  and  reproba- 
tion, were  agreeable  to  Scripture.     I  asked  him  if  it 


^^w 


i  . 


u 


ti 


I.} 


was  true  that  God  before  the  foundation  of  ihe  world, 
did  pass  an  irrevocable  decree  of  reprobation  upon 
the  greater  part  of  his  creatures.  "1  wish  you,"  said 
I,  *Ho  account  for  the  justice  of  that  decree  by  ap- 
pealing to  a  sin  committed  after  the  foundation  of 
the  world."  His  brother  present,  who  was  a  Con- 
gregational minister,  was  desired  to  answer  it.  He 
began  with  a  similitude.  He  said,  ^'supposing  I  hold 
a  staff  in  my  hand,  and  you  have  offended  me,  and 
I  am  about  to  chastise  you  with  the  staff;  and  sup- 
pose this  staff  owed  you  a  grudge,  and  I  did  not 
know  that  the  staff  meant  to  take  that  opportunity 
to  revenge,  and  if  I  should  strike  you  with  the  staff, 
and  the  staff  should  strike  too,  and  hurt  you  more 
than  I  intended  to  ;  how  could  I  be  to  blame,  when 
I  only  hurt  you  in  proportion  as  you  deserved  from 
me."  I  said,  "sir,  I  do  not  understand  your  simili- 
tude." He  then  explained  it  by  saying — "  The  As- 
syrians were  the  staff  in  the  hand  of  God  to  punish 
Israel,  when  they  had  sinned  against  him."  I  re- 
plied, "I  do  not  understand  your  similitude  yet.** 
There  were  present  at  the  same  time  some  Bap- 
tist brethren,  and  they  asked  how  they  could 
reconcile  that  God  decreed  whatsoever  comes  to 
pass?  And  he  stated  another  similitude,  after  he 
had  asked,  if  God  did  not  know  all  things.  And 
how  he  could  know  unless  he  had  decreed  ?  "  Sup- 
pose," said  he,  "I  should, ask  you  if  you  were 
going  to  meeting  to-morrow,  and  you  should  say,  I 
don*t  know  ;  why  don't  you  know  ?  You  would 
answer,  because    I   have   not    determined ;    after 


93 

awhile  I  see  you,  and  ask  you  the  question  again, 
and  you   say   yes,  and  I  should   ask  how  do  you 
know  7  you  would  say,  because  I  have  determined  ;'' 
so  God  knew  because  he  had  determined.     They  all 
said,  that  was  plain,  now  I  see  into  it,  now  I  see  into 
it.     I  said  but  little,  for  I  saw  all  were  opposed  to 
me.     The  two  ministers  agreed  in  opposing  the  doc- 
trine of  good  works  as  held  by  the  Methodists.  They 
asked  me  if  I  thought  I  could  go  to  heaven  by  my 
works  ;  I  said  not  by  the  merit  of  my  works,  but  by 
works  as  a  condition.     They  expressed  surprise,  and 
wondered  that  any  one  should  be  so  deceived.      I 
asked  them  if  Jesus  Christ  had  not  purified  unto  him- 
self a  peculiar  people  ;  zealous  of  good  works  ?  Thev 
said,  "  yes.'*  Again,  if  works  were  not  a  condition  of 
justification  at  the  bar  of  God,  why  did   our  Lord 
say,  '*  Behold   I  come   quickly,  and  my   reward  is 
with  me,  to  give  every  man  according  as  his  works 
shall  be?"   Rev.  xxii.  12.     They  said  a  great  deal 
about  works  being  the  fruits  of  faith ;  and  faith  was 
the  gift  of  God,  and  this  he  gave  to  whom  he  pleas- 
ed.    Therefore  he  had  mercy  on  whom  he  would 
have  mercy,  and  whom  he  would,  he  hardened.  One 
said,  **  if  the  Christian  was  asked  why  he  did  good 
works,  he  would  answer,  because  he  could  not  help 
it,  and  therefore  he  would  give  all  the  glory  to  God." 
The  Baptist  brethren  present,  were  all  well  pleased 
to  hear  them  confute  me,  as  they  called  it ;  and  said 
to  roe,  now  I  think  you  must  be  convinced.     I  said 
nothing  then  ;  but  the  next  day  when  the  ministers 
were  gone,  they  asked  me  if  1  did  not  see  the  sub- 


^Uj-i.t  'fi 


,1 


i 


H 

ject  of  election  and  deciees,  in  a  different  point  of 
light  from  what  I  had  before  :  I   said,  "  no,  I  see 
nothing  in  what  they  have  said  to  alter  my  mind." 
••  Well,"  one  said,  ''  I  am  sorry  for  you  ;  for  my  part 
I  see  all  through  it."     But  when  I  repeated  their 
similitudes,  and  asked,  if  he  did  not  say  that  he  did 
not  know   the   staff    meant  to   take   that  opportu- 
nity  to  revenge  :  and  by  so  doing   I  was    punished 
more  than  he  intended  ?     They  said,  **  yes."     Well, 
now  apply  it  to  God  as  he  said  Assyria  was  the  staff 
that  God  held  in  his  hand,  to  punish  Israel.     But  did 
not  God  know   that  Assyria   owed    Israel  a  grudge 
and  meant  to  revenge,  and  did   not  God  mean  that 
Assyria  should  punish  Israel  so  badly  ?     If  not,  then 
he  could  not  have  decreed  quite  all  that  Assyria  did ; 
therefore  something  came  to  pass  that  God  did  not 
decree.     Again,  if  God  did  not  know,  or  could  not 
know,  (as  they    intimated)  unless  he  had   decreed  ; 
then  certainly  he  was  ignorant,  until  he  had  decreed  ; 
and  if  so,  how  can   an  ignorant   God  decree  things 

wisely  ? 

Upon  this  they  altered  their  minds,  and  said,  that 
finally  they  could  not  believe  that  God  had  decreed 
whatsoever  comes  to  pass.  But  notwithstanding 
this,  as  soon  as  their  minister  came  among  them 
again,  they  would  become  strong  in  the  faith  that  all 
things  were  decreed.  This  was  frequently  the  case  ; 
but  as  I  said  nothing  severe,  I  was  not  very  hotly  at- 
tacked by  any  one,  though  I  had  the  mortification  to 
witness  an  abuse  of  the  truth.  So  that  when  1  left 
that  place,  I  was  determined  never  again  so  to  regard 


.JV. 


95 

* 

the  feelings  of  men,  as  to  hear  them  abuse  the  truth 
without  reproof. 

I  settled  my  affairs  in  Norway  in  October,  and  re- 
turned to  Hinsdale;  I  found  my  wife  well.  My 
friends  appeared  to  be  glad  to  see  me,  but  express- 
ed a  dissatisfaction  at  my  Methodislical  notions,  and 
my  zeal  to  iiold  meetings.  The  number  of  my 
friends  in  whom  1  could  confide  was  very  small ;  but 
the  Lord  blessed  me  with  a  clear  sense  of  my  accep- 
tance with  him.  On  looking  into  the  Methodist  Hymn 
Book,  I  read  these  lines  : — 

**  Maker,  Saviour  of  mankind, 

Who  hast  on  me  bestowed, 
An  immortal  soul  design'd, 

To  be  the  house  of  God." 

That  moment  the  Spirit  bore  witness  with  my  spirit, 
that  God  dwelt  in  me  and  I  in  him.  My  soul  was 
happy — my  faith  was  strong. 

I  went  to  the  Methodist  meeting,  seven  miles  off. 
The  first  I  had  been  at  for  eight  months.  The  meet- 
ing had  began  when  I  came  in.  On  seeing  my  old 
Methodist  friends,  I  was  exceedingly  affected  ;  tears 
ran  down  all  the  time  of  meeting ;  and  after  preach- 
ing, I  staid  in  class,  and  a  most  melting,  loving  time 
we  had.  The  preacher  at  the  close  of  the  meeting, 
asked  if  any  one  desired  to  join  the  class.  I  arose 
and  said,  "  I  feel  myself  unworthy  to  be  a  member 
of  any  church,  but  I  believe  the  Lord  has  blessed 
me,  and  if  the  brethren  think  it  is  proper,  I  wish  to 
be  a  member."  They  accepted  of  me,  and  I  was 
very  happy  in  God  and  with  my  bretiiren. 


'  t»; 


■'^ 


* 

,'■1 


;  1 


I  visited  among  my  old  acquaintances  for  some 
days,  and  attended  several  prayer-meetings,  in  which 
I  was  called  upon  to  pray.  This  was  a  great  cross 
to  me,  I  had  flattered  myself,  that  if  I  visited  among 
the  Methodists,  I  should  hear  them  pray,  and  I  could 
improve  my  gift,  for  1  was  weak  and  feeble,  and  of 
little  failh.  But  to  my  surprise,  they  called  on  me  to 
pray  in  their  families,  and  I  dare  not  refuse,  though 
ihe  weakest  of  all.  I  was  afraid  this  would  injure 
me.  But  I  gave  myself  more  especially  to  secret 
prayer  and  reading ;  and  now  I  have  reason  to  bless 

God  for  it. 

The  society  to  which  I  first  joined,  was  about  sev- 
en miles  fiom  where  I  resided,  and  although  I  attend- 
ed constantly  on  the  Sabbath,  yet  I  could  not    often 
meet  them  in   prayer-meeting.     I  therefore,  by  the 
desire  of  a  few,  had  prayer-meetings  in  the  place 
where  I  lived.     This  was  attended  with  good  effect. 
Several   experienced    religion,  and  desired  to  have 
preaching  with  us.  Accordingly  I  invited  the  preach- 
ers to  come  and  preach  for  us.     They  did  so ;  and 
formed  a  class  of  fifteen,  and  appointed  me  the  leader. 
All  this  was  before  my  sir  months'  probation  had  ex- 
pired.    I  was  afraid  that  I  was  running  too  fast,  and 
I  should  fall  away.     But  T  gave  myself  more  fervent- 
ly to  secret  prayer.     My  peace  was  like  a  river,  and 
my  brethren  were  all  of  one  heart  and   soul  in  the 
work  of  the  Lord. 

But  the  Calvinists  of  the  standing  order,  soon  be- 
gan to  express  fears  that  all  was  not  right.  I  began 
to  exhort,  and   some  who  knew  no  better,  said  I 


97 

preached,   /riiis  gave  alarm.     My  father  reproved 
me  for  preaching,  because  I  had  not  been  educated 
at  college.     He  declared  that  I  was  too  ignorant  to 
preach.     I  told  him   I  only  exhorted  ;  but  this  did 
not  satisfy  him.     It  appeared  that  my  holding  meet- 
mgs  was   displeasing  to  hrm-     He  accused   me    of 
bringing  disgrace  on  myself  and  on  my  relations,  and 
advised  me  to  desist  if  I  expected  his  approbation  and 
assistance.     I  assured  my  father  that  I  had  not  en- 
gaged  in  this   work  from  any  other  motive  than  a 
sense  of  duty,  and  a  desire  to  save  my  soul.     He 
then  held  forth  the  advantage  he  could  be  to  me  ;  but 
if  I  continued  ^n  the  way  I  had  been,  he  would  never 
give  me  any  property.     I  replied,  *'  I  have  not  en- 
gaged in   this  work,  but  from  a   conviction  that  God 
has  called  me  to  it,  and  as  to   this  world's  goods,  I 
would  rather  beg  my  bread  barefoot  to  Heaven  than 
to  ride  in  a  coach  to  hell  ;  and  if  my  father  does  not 
see  fit  to  help   me,  I  shall  not  neglect  what  I  con- 
scientiously think  to  be  my  duty,  for  men  or  devils ; 
but  like   Joshua,  I  am  resolved  to  serve  the  Lord." 
My  father  appeared  to  be  in  a  great  passion,  and  re- 
viled the  idea  of  my  being  called  of  the  Lord  to  any 
duty,  and  accused  me  of  stubbornness,  and  so  turned 
away  and  left  me,  after  he  had  said  he  would  never 
help  me.     It  grieved  me  to  see  my  father  in  a  passion, 
and  not  only  because  it  was  a  sin,  but  because  among 
all  my  relations,  I  had  none  to  join  with  me,  except 
one  sister  and  her  husband.     My  step-mother  was 
tender-hearted,  and  wished  me  well ;  but  she  dare 


!• 


/ 


9S 


tioi  speak  her  mind  about  ibe  Methodists  My  wife's 
father  was  a  still  man.     He  neiiher  cursed  ihem  nor 
blessed  them ;  but  her  mother  was  very  talkative, 
and  positive   that  they  were   a  deluded  people  ;  so 
that  my  wife,  by  her  influence,  was  opposed  to  the 
Methodists,  and  ashamed  of  me  as  she  said,  because 
every  body  was  speaking  against  me  ;  and  that  she 
was  ashamed  to  shew  her  head  out  of  the  door.     I 
could  not  therefore  acquaint  her  of  this  unfortunate 
breach  with  my  father,  lest  she  should  also  join  with 
him,  and  make  my  life  more  miserable  than  it  other- 
wise would  be.     I  returned  home  with  a  sad  hearty 
and  yet  rejoicing  that  my  father  had  no  cause  of  com- 
plaint, but  what  arose  from  my  religious   praciice  ; 
and  though  it  was  grievous  to  think  that  a  father, 
who  never  had  indulged  in  reviling  religion  of  any 
order,  should  now  be  guilty  of  showing  contempt  to 
the  Methodists,  who  had  been  instrumental  of  quick- 
ening him  in  the  best  religious  exercises  I  had  known 
him  to  practice  for  many  years.     On  my  way,  I  re- 
peatedly put  the  question  to  myself — is  it  possible  ? 
Will  my  father  despise  the  people  that  have   been 
instrumental  of  so  much  good  to  him  ?     And  am  I 
to  be  disinherited  because  I  would  obey  God  rather 
than  man  ?     Well,  be  it  so.     I  will  bear  the  scandal 
of  the  cross  in  meekness,  and  trust  in  the  Lord. 

When  I  arrived  at  my  house,  it  being  late  at  night, 
all  were  asleep.  I  got  a  light,  and  sat  down  to  my 
Bible,  after  praying  that  God  would  instruct  me  by 
his  word.     I  opened   to   the  thirteenth  chapter   of 


99 

Deuteronomy,  sixth  to  eleventh  ;  this  was  a  comfort 
to  my  soul. 

I  felt  confirmed  in  my  resolution  to  forsake  father, 
molher,  wife,  and  all,  for  Christ's  sake. 

Many  came  to  dispute  me  in  those  days.     All  ex- 
pressed a   sorrow,  that  I  should  be  deluded  by  the 
Methodists     I  have  no  doubt  but  they  were  sincere- 
Jy  concerned  for  me.     Good  works,  perfection,  and 
tallmg  from  grace,  were  the  points  of  debate.     For 
Jese    the    Methodists   were   pronounced    deluded. 
But  jt  was  so,  that  none   expressed  or  understood 
either  of  those  doctrines,  as  the  Methodists  held  them  ; 
each  making  his  own  inference  from  the  doctrine  in 
such  a  manner  as  to  accuse  the  Methodists  with  er- 
ror.    That  if  repentance  and  faith  were  the  work  of 
the  creature,  and  a  condition  of  justification,  they  in- 
ferred, that  there  was  merit  in  repentance  and  faith  • 
so  also  of  obedience   to  God's  commandments.     I 
found  It  difKcult  to  make  some  understand,  as  I  did 
the  propriety  of  Mr.  Wesley's   beautiful  expression 
defining  the  Methodistical  sense  o{  good  works,  viz. 
— "  Not  by  the  merit  of  works,  but  by  works  as  a 
condition, ^^ 

Perfection  [-Nothing  appeared  so  pernicious  to 
the  minds  of  some,  as  the  doctrine  of  Perfection.  It 
was  confidently  asserted  by  some,  that  we  could  not 
live  without  sin,  that  we  could  not  breath  without 
sin.  Ail  our  prayers  were  mixed  with  sin.  We  sin- 
ned in  thought,  word,  and  deed,  day  and  night,  awake 
or  asleep  ;  and  yet  we  could  not  fall  from  grace. 

Falling  from  grace  was  said  by  some  to  be  a  damn- 


I 


f  -i: 


I   i- 


(•- 


100 

able  heresy  !  They  asserted  thai  an  elect  saiiU  of 
God  could  no  more  fall,  so  as  to  perish  everlastingly, 
than  Christ  could  fall  from  his  throne.  The  cove- 
nant was  well  ordered  in  all  things,  and  sure.  But 
for  the  Methodists  to  refute,  as  they  did,  the  doctrine 
of  unconditional  election  ;  and  that  God  for  his  own 
glory,  foreordained  whatsoever  comes  to  pass  ;  form- 
ed the  climax  of  Methodistical  absurdity  ;  it  was  a 
crime  to  be  punished  by  the  law,  some  said ;  and 
others  more  gravely  said,  it  was  a  sure  mark  of  a  re- 
probate.— Oh,  how  deep  ihey  would  sigh,  and  pity 
me  for  my  delusion. 

I  improved  my  time  in  searching  the  Scriptures. 
I  soon  read  my  Bible  through  in  course,  and  commit- 
ted many  passages  to  memory.     Though  I  had  only 
a  small  degree  of  education,  barely  a  common  school 
education,  yet  I  could  sometimes  read  one  hundred 
pages   in  a  long  winter's  evening,  and    the  next  day 
work  hard  at  farming  business,  dressing  flax,  thresh- 
ing grain,  chopping  wood ;  working  with  my  hands, 
that  I  might  not  be  chargeable  to  any,  and  have  some- 
thing good  to  feed  the  Methodist  preacher  and  his 
horse.  I  said  to  my  wife  one  day.  Come,  my  dear,  let 
us  make  one  rule  to  be  observed   by   us    in  our 
future  life.     Well,   she  says,  what  is  that?     Let 
us  make  our  table  free  to  all  Christians  of  all  per- 
suasions, and  never  let  a  hungry  person  go  without 
a  supply  of  food  for  his  comfort ;  she  said,  well  I  am 
agreed.     And  I  was  pleased  to  find  that  when  my 
Methodist  preacher  came,  she  would  get  the  best 
there  waa  in  the  house ;  but  poor  soul,  she  had  not 


101 


yet  experienced  religion.     Nor   would  she    attend  to 
the  Methodist  meetings  at  all,  but  seemed  determined 
to  be  a  Presbyterian.     Her  generous  spirit  pleased 
me,  while  I  felt  an  increasing  regret  that  she  should 
be  lost  forever,  for  want  of  an  experience  of  religion- 
This  text,  "  Except  a  man  be  born   again,  he  °can- 
not  see  the   kingdom    of  God,"   often  sounded   an 
alarm  in  my  soul  for  her  :  I  was  therefore  more  ar- 
dent in  prayer  for  her.     But   when  I   spoke  to  her 
of  the   necessity  of  an  experience   of  religion,  and 
reproved  her  unguarded  expression,  she  wolud  some- 
limes  get  into  a  pet,  and  accuse  me  with  no  other 
design  in  talking  to  her,   than  to  make  a  Methodist 
of  her.     But  she    one    time  told  me  in  a  pet,    she 
would  not  be  a  Methodist  ;  no,  she  would  die  first. 
I  said,  you  are  mistaken  in  my  designs  and  motives. 
I  will  assure  you,  if  you  will  only  be  a  Christian  in 
reality,   you  may  join  any  denomination  you  please  ; 
I  will  never  hinder  you  ;  but  will  do  all  I  can  to  help 
you  along,  only  I  shall  be  a  Methodist.     When  it  is 
convenient  for  me  to  attend  with  you,  I  will ;  but   I 
cannot  neglect  my  meeting  for  yours. 

Things  went  on  very  well  with  us.  T  took  land 
to  till  upon  shares,  and  had  good  crops.  She  would 
spin  and  weave.  We  had  food  to  eat,  and  raiment 
to  put  on,  and  a  hired  room  to  live  in,  the  first  year. 

T  bought  fifty  acres  of  new  land,  cleared  a  small 
spot,  and  put  me  up  a  small  house.  While  this  was 
doing,  many  came  to  see  me  in  our  hired  room.  Some 
to  hear  me  explain  Scripture,  and  some  to  dispute. 
In  our  disputes,  my  wife  would  join  with  them.    This 


I 


fc 


102 

would  encourage  ihem  lo  be  severe  in  iheir  cen- 
sures ;  for  when  they  could  not  bring  argument, 
or  explain  the  difficulties  I  ihrowed  in  their  way  ; 
though  they  did  not  use  the  same  language  the 
Pharisees  did  to  the  man  that  had  been  blind,  "Thou 
wast  altogether  born  in  sin,  and  dost  thou  teach  us  ;" 
they  would  say  :  Ah  !  you  are  wrong !  you  are  de- 
ceived !  "  Why  !  do  you  think  that  our  forefalhers 
would  not  have  known  this,  if  it  had  been  right  ?  and 
our  ministers  who  have  been  to  college,  never  found 
it  out.  And  now  these  Methodists ;  ah  !  these 
Methodists,  that  have  never  been  to  college,  come 
among  us  to  teach  us  !  no,  I  don't  believe  you  are 
right."  I  would  then  ask  them  if  they  had  anything 
to  say  against  my  moral  character.  "  O  no,"  they 
would  say.  "  But  we  are  sorry  to  have  so  likely  a 
young  man  deluded." 


CHAPTER  VJ. 

The  few   Methodists  in  this  place  were  watched 
closely,   and  critically  by  some,    and   religiously  by 
others.     I   was   complained  of  as  being  too  precise, 
loo  strict,  too  sober  ;  he  is  not  company  for  any  body, 
now,  say  they.    It  was  reported  that  I  was  so  perfect, 
that  I  did  not  commit  any  sin.     O,  my  delusion  was 
ripe  !    When  I  went  abroad,  I  found  many  had  heard 
of  me  that  I  knew  nothing  about.    Some  were  afraid 
of  me,  and  as  I  entered  a  house,  the  children  would 
run  to  hide  themselves  from  me.     I  could  hear  them 
say,  "  It  is  he  !  how  he  looks,"  while  they  were  peep- 
ing through  some  knot-hole,  or  crack  of  the  door. 
"Will  he  make  Methodists  of  us  ?"  "Why  !"  another 
would  say,  "  he's  a  man,  daddy  and  mammy  talk  to 
him,  he  won't  hurt  us."     I  have  often  thought,  what 
do  the  people  think  ;  is  it  so,  that  a  man  that   pro- 
fesses to  have  comnmnion   with  God,  and  to  know 
that  God  for  Christ's  sake,  has  forgiven  him  all  his 
sins,  becomes  a  wonder  in  the  world.     For  this  pro- 
fession was,  in  thd  opinion  of  some,  the  foundation 
of  all  my  delusion.     It  was  very  rare  lo  find,  in  the 
standing  order,  any,  even  among  their  ministers,  that 
professed   to  know  that  their  sins  were  forgiven. 


i4, 


I 


l=:l 


1 04 

Among  ihe  Baptists  iliere  were  some,  but  lliey  were 
all  deceived.  However,  they  were  not  so  badly  de- 
ceived as  the  Methodists  were,  because  they  held  to 
unconditional  election,  and  that  we  could  not  live 
without  sin.  But  they  were  quite  deluded  with  llic 
notion  of  knowing  their  sins  forgiven,  and  holding  lo 
inspiration,  &;c.  Why  is  it,  thought  I,  that  this  work 
of  the  forgiveness  of  sins  should  be  acknowledged 
by  the  Presbyterians  to  be  essential  lo  salvation  ; 
and  that  it  is  a  mighty  powerful  work  of  (jod  too, 
wrought  in  the  heart  by  an  irresistible  influence  of 
the  Holy  Ghost,  and  yet  wrought  so  secretly  that  the 
creature  knows  nothing  of  it,  and  as  some  said,  he 
could  not  know  it ! 

Another  thing  that  made  me  a  butt  for  some  to 
shoot  at,  was,  I  had  thought  it  my  duty  not  only  to  ex. 
hort  people  lo  quit  their  sins  and  pray  to  God  to 
convert  their  souls  ;  but  also  to  reprove  whatever  I 
heard  or  saw  that  was  sinful,  in  all  company,  at  home 
or  abroad.  Some  said  in  this  I  did  wrong,  and 
quote  the  Scripture,  "  cast  not  your  pearls  before 
swine,  lest  they  turn  again  and  rend  you."  But  I 
quoted — "Thou  shall  not  suffer  sin  upon  thy  brother 
or  neighbor,  but  thou  shall  rebuke  him."  So  I 
went  on  reproving  in  the  most  loving,  gentle  manner 
I  could.  Some  received  it  well,  and  some  turned 
upon  me  and  railed  with  vehemence.  Though  I  do 
not  remember  of  but  one,  that  carried  his  railing  to  a 
vehement  vulgarity  in  our  town, and  that  was  at  a  town- 
meeting.  I,  with  many  others,  left  tlie  cold  meeting 
house  lo  go  into  a  tavern  near  by  to  warm  ourselves. 


' 


105 

There  were  many  in  the  large  bar-room  seated 
around,  while  one  was  walking  up  and  down  the 
room,  strutting  in  ruffles  and  gloves,  and  swearing 
profanely,  seemingly  to  the  full  approbation  of  all 
present.  As  he  came  towards  the  place  where  I  was 
standing,  he  kept  up  his  swearing— I  tapped  him 
gently  on  ihe  shoulder,  and  said  softly,  Mr.  — ,  don't 
swear  so ;  at  which  he  turned  around  and  uttered  an 

oath,  and  called  me  a  d n  fool.     Why,  Hibbard, 

said  he,  you  used  to  be  a  likely,  bright  young  man,' 
till  you  met  with  these  Methodists  ;  but  they  have 

made  a  d-- n  fool  of  you.     I  held  down  my  head 

as  though  1  was  very  sorry  for  what  I  had  done. 
The  company  were  all  laughing  to  hear  him  give  it 
down  to  me.  After  he  had  given  me  his  last  piece 
of  advice  not  lo  reprove  gentlemen,  &c.,  I  looked 
up  upon  him,  and  making  my  bow,  I  said.  Mister,  I 
ask  your  pardon,  I  believe  I  have  crowded  a  little 
upon  that  rule  of  Scripture,  where  it  says,  "Cast  not 
your  pearls  before  swine,  lest  they  turn  again  and 
rend  you  ;"  but  I  have  done  it  ignorantly,  for  I  did  not 
know  ihat  you  were  a  hog.  At  this  the  laugh 
turned   in    my  favor,   while   my   seriousness   awed' 

them  into  due  respect.     I  never  heard  Mr. 

swear  afterwards  ;  neither  was  I  ever  frowned  upon 
afterwards,  for  reproving,  by  any  one  that  knew  me 
in  these  parts. 

I  was  in  Troy  some  time  after,  and  in  seeking 
for  board,  I  made  one  condition  with  my  host,  viz., 
if  I  board  with  you,  I  will  give  you  your  price,  on 
this  condition,  that  you  and   your  family  shall  attend 


106       - 

to  prayers,  night  and  morning  ;  either  you  must  pray, 
or  command  all  your  household  to  attend  while  I 
pray.  At  this  he  seemed  to  be  a  little  surprised  ; 
but  agreed  to  it  heartily  ;  and  though  it  had  been 
difficult  for  him  to  get  good  boarders  before,  it  was 
not  a  week  before  he  had  more  than  he  could  well 
lake  carQ  of.  His  hodse  became  noted  and  known 
by  the  name  of  the  praying-house,  above  the  pump. 
Some  evenings  after  prayer  with  the  family,  we 
could  see  many  leaving  the  windows  and  door  where 
they  had  been  listening.  My  heart  has  often  yearn- 
ed and  melted  in  earnest  prayer  for  them.  Soon  I 
was  known  almost  all  over  the  town.  They  called 
me  the  Methodist  preacher.  I  held  mcelings  on 
Sabbaths,  for  five  or  six  weeks  that  I  was  there,  and 
exhorted  the  people  to  quit  their  sins,  and  pray  to 
God  to  convert  their  souls.  One  evening  there 
came  in  a  stranger,  to  do  some  business  with  our 
host,  while  we  were  at  supper.  He  swore  profanely. 
I  said,  you  should  not  swear,  sir;  he  d — d  me,  and 
bid  me  not  reprove  him.  In  a  few  words  more,  he 
swore  again  ;    I   reproved    him  ;    he  called   me    a 

d d  hypocrite,    that  1  would  swear  when  out   on 

business,  as  he  was,  for  it  was  all  the  fashion,  he 
said  ;  directly  he  swore  again  ;  and  I  said  again,  you 
ought  not  to  swear,  it  is  no  mark  of  a  gentleman  to 
swear.  He  then  threatened  me,  if  I  reproved  him 
again,  he  should  take  it  as  an  insult,  and  he  would 
give  me  what  I  deserved.  I  said,  then  you  must 
swear  no  more,  if  you  do  I  shall  reprove  you.  For 
some  time,  he  refrained,  often,  however,  pinching  off 


' 


^  i07 

an  oath,  or  curse  half  spoken.    But  at  length  he  swore 
again,  and  I  reproved  him  ;  he  then  began  to  laugh 
at  me,  and  call  me  a  hypocrite.     This  kind  of  treat- 
ment  continued  till  after  supper.     We  waited  a  short 
time,  to  have  him  depart.     The  boarders  thought 
surely,  we  shall  not  have  prayers,  and  so  retired  to 
their  beds  ;  I  saw  the  family  also   about  to  retire. 
I  called  the  master  to  attend  to  prayers.    He  gave 
the  sign  to  have  me   pray.     I  read  a  short  chapter, 
and   kneeled  down  to    prayer.     Before  I  was  half 
done,  I  could  hear   my  swearing  man  weeping  like 
Peter,  after  he  swore,  and  when  I  arose,  he  came 
to  me  all  in  tears,  and  begged  my  pardon  for  the  abuse 
he  had  given  me.     I  forgave  as  it  respected  myself, 
and  I  hoped  God  would  also.     He  then   turned   to 
the  landlord,  and  said  he  had  been  deceived  in  me  ; 
I  thought  him  such  a  Christian  as   we  have  in  our 
pans,  that  would  reprove   others  and  swear  them- 
selves ;  but  he  said,  he  had  never  met  with  such  a 
man  in  all  his  life  before.     He  then  agreed  for  lodg- 
ings, as  he  said,  to  have  conversation  with  me  about 
religion  ;  for,  turning  to  me,  T  have  had  some  serious 
thoughts  at  times  about  religion ;  and  if  you  are 
willing  to  instruct  me,  I  would  set  up  all  night.   The 
lion  had  become   so  lamb-like,  I  could  do  no  less 
than  to  agree  to  instruct  him  all  I  was  capable  of 
doing.  I  said  I  am  not  a  minister,  but  a  plain  man. 
He  tarried  with  us  five  days,  and  having  kept  me 
awake  nearly  all  that  night,  with  his  inquiries,  I  was 
next  day  sick  with  the  ague  and  fever. 


*^i^: 


.r, 


i 


108 

My  labors  by  day,  and  so  mucli  talking  or  study 
at  nights,  wore  me  down  to  mere  skin  and  bones. 

One  day  while  helping  a  captain  of  a  vessel  to 
unload  some  goods,  one  of  the  sailors  swore,  and  I 
reproved  him  mildly.  He  said  he  would  not  be  re- 
proved ;  I  said,  then  you  must  not  swear.  Afier  a 
little  while,  he  swore  again,  and  I  reproved  him,  at 
which  he  flew  in  a  rage,  and  ran  and  got  a  iiand- 
"  spike,  swearing  a  great  oath  that  he  would  send  mo 
to  hell.  He  came  towards  me  with  his  handspike 
lifted  up ;  I  stepped  up  to  him,  and  said  strike  me 
if  you  dare  ;  at  which  he  stepped  back,  and  as  the 
captain  was  coming  out  of  the  cabin,  I  said.  Captain, 
do  you  keep  hands  in  your  employ  to  insult  people, 
and  to  outrage  all  decency  ?  Dismiss  this  man  from 
your  service  immediately.  He  turned  to  him,  and 
reprimanded  him  for  his  insolciice,  and  bid  liitn 
mind  his  business,  or  he  would  dismiss  him.  After 
this  I  met  with  no  more  insults.  All  seemed  to  seek 
for  opportunity  to  converse  with  nic.  Our  little 
meeting  increased.  I  was  sorry  to  have  it  said  that 
I  was  a  minister,  as  I  had  no  license  to  preach.  I 
did  not  profess  to  do  any  thing  more  than  to  exhort 
the  people  to  quit  their  sins,  &c.  But  my  method  was 
to  open  meeting  by  singing  and  prayer,  and  then 
read  a  chapter  or  two,  and  give  my  views  of  it,  or 
some  parts  of  it,  and  enforce  the  necessity  of  reli- 
gion.  Some  of  my  brethren  called  this  preaching  ; 
but  I  thought  otherwise.  However,  I  thought  it  wm 
my  duty  to  do  all  the  good  I  could  by  explaining  the 


I 


109 

word  of  God,  as  1  understood  it,  let  them  call  it  by 
whatever  name  they  might. 

As  I    saw  the  good  effects  of  my  reproving,  I  felt 

encouraged    to   be   faithful  in  it.     But  I  was  aware 

^     that  different  manners  of  reproof  v/ere  necessary  to 

different  persons  ;  for  I  had  read  Dean  Swift,  who 

says,  "  Never  hew  blocks  with  a  razor." 

When    my   neighbors   came   to   dispute   me,   I 
would  begin  with  them  about  the  experience  of  reli- 
gion ;  I  would  ask  them  **  if  they  had  ever  obtained 
the  knowledge  of  the  forgiveness  of  their  sins  ?"  To 
which,  many  of  them  could   make  no  reply,   but  in 
llie  negative  ;  and    others   would   say,  *'  I  hope  so." 
And  [^  I  asked   when,    or   where,  or  how,  they  met 
with  this  change,  they  Were  quite  shut  up  or   would 
excuse  themselves,  that  their  experience  was  not  so 
clear  as  some.     I  would  ask,  "  can  you  give  a  reason 
ofthe  hope  that  is  in  you?"  They  declined.  Itseemed 
they  were  quite  out  of  their  element ;  but  they  want- 
ed to  talk  about  doctrines.     Then  I  would  ask,  "how 
can  you  know  the  truth  of  doctrines,  when  our  Lord 
says,  "  if  ye  do  the  things  I  say,  ye  shall  know  of  t!ie 
doctrines,"   &c.      By    this    means   I  evaded  many 
disputes.     None  pretended    to  dispute   my  experi- 
ence ;  but  it  seemed  all  were  struck  with  solemn 
awe,  when  I  related  to  them  my  conviction    for  sin, 
and  the  sense  I  had  of  pardon.     Some  said,  *•  I  had 
been  more  highly  favored  than  thousands  ;  but   they 
were  surprised  that  I  should  join  the   Methodists." 
They  sent  for  their  most   experienced   men  to  talk 


'  J, 


110 


111 


^ 


with  me.     There  was  one  who  professed  great  ex- 
perience, with  whonri  I  had  been  well  acquainted  for 
years  before  ;  but  for  a  few  years,  we  had  not  seen 
each  other.     He   came  to  see  me  ;  and  expressed 
great  joy  (after  hearing  my  experience)  "  that  God," 
as  he  said,    **  had    blessed  me   with  regenerating 
grace."  He  then  began  to  encourage  me  to  join  their 
church  of  the  standing  order.     I  said,  "  I  have  join- 
ed the  Methodists.'*     He  started  with  surprise,  and 
put  up  Iiis  hands   and  said,  "  Why  !  you  can't  be- 
lieve in  a  possibility  of  falling  from  grace  ?"     I  said, 
"  yes,  I  fully  believe  it."     He  stared  upon  me  some 
time,  till  tears  began  to  run  down  his  face.     He  said* 
"  Oh  !  I  am  sorry  for  you  ;  it  pains  me  to  the  heart ! 
But  I  must  tell  you,   that  you  are  deluded.     You 
have  deceived  yourself."    I   said,  "  1  thought  you 
said  you  had  a  witness,  that  I  was  truly  converted." 
"  Yes,"  he  said,  as  his  tears  and  affection  seemed  to 
increase  ;  "  but  that  doctrine  is  a  damnable  heresy, 
and  I  am  /sorry  to  have  you  lost  forever,  with  such  a 
delusion."     I  said,  **  Mr. ,  your  tears  are  hypo- 
critical, now  dry  them  up,  for  you  have  often   seen 
me  when  I  was  trifling  and  vain,  and  careless  about 
God  and  religion  ;  and  you  never  came  to  me  with 
tears  and  said  I   am  afraid  you  are  deluded  ;  but 
now,  when  you  acknowledge  that  you  believe  I  am 
truly  converted,  you  are  affected  with  concern  that  I 
shall  be  lost,  because  I  believe  there  is  a  possibility 
of  falling  from  grace.     If  your  doctrine  be  true,  I 
can  never  fall ;  so  you   need  not  trouble  yourself 


about  me.     But  it  appears,  all  you  want  is  to  prose* 
lyle  me  to  your  order."     He  was  amazed,  and  dried 
up  his  tears  as  suddenly  as  he  got  into  them.     I  then 
said,  "don't  you  fear  to  commit  sin  against  God  ?" 
He  said,  "  yes."     I  said,   "  so  do  I."     Again,  "  do 
you  not  fear  that  you  may  be  left  to  so  sin  against 
God,  that  he  would  cast  you  off  for  ever  ?"     He  said, 
"yes."  "  So  do  I ;  in  this  we  agree."  "  Let  us  fear, 
(the  Apostle  saith)  lest  a  promise  being  left  us  of  en- 
tering into  that  rest,  any  of  you  should  come  short  of 
it."     "  Now  do  you  believe  this  fear  is  inspired  in  us 
by  the  spirit  of  God,  or  the  spirit  of  the  devil  ?"  **0, 
by  the   spirit  of  God,  surely."     "  Well,  would  the 
spirit  of  God  inspire  us  to  fear  where  there  was  no 
danger  ?"     "  Why,  really  I  don't  know,  but  you  have 
more  Scripture  and  reason  for  your  doctrine  than  I 
thought  for  !"     So  we  parted. 

Capt.  B.  came  to  me  and  said,  "  I  hear  that  you 
deny  election."  I  said,  **  it  is  a  mistake,  I  do  not 
deny  election."  *'  Why,"  said  he,  "  do  you  believe 
that  God  for  his  own  glory  hath  foreordained  what- 
soever comes  to  pass  ?"  I  said  "  no ;  that  is  not 
election."  "  Well,  but,"  said  he,  "  you  cannot  be- 
lieve in  election  unless  you  believe  that."  "  Well," 
said  I,  "  I  never  believed  that,  nor  I  never  mean  to." 
Then  he  went  on  to  quote  scripture,  to  prove  that 
God  had  foreordained  whatsoever  comes  to  pass. 
He  said,  "  The  Lord  worketh  all  things  after  the 
counsel  of  his  own  will — the  Lord  hath  made  all 
things  for  himself,  even  the  wicked  for  the  day  of 
evil— I  make  light,  I  create  darkness,  I  make  peace, 


<■■<■ 


i 


112 

1  create  evil,  I  llic  Lord  do  all  these  things.  Him 
being  delivered  by  the  dcternninate  counsel  and  fore- 
knowledge of  God  ;  ye  have  taken,  and  by  wicked 
hands,  have  crucified  and  slain."  He  then  said, 
"  this  proves  that  God  hath  foreordained  whatsoever 
comes  to  pass."  I  said,  "  I  don't  believe  that,  nor  I 
never  mean  to."  "Why,"  said  he,  "the  apostle 
Paul  knew  that  some  would  not  believe  it,  and  there- 
fore he  said,  *  But  who  an  thou,  O  man,  that  repliest 
against  God  ?  Shall  the  thing  formed  say  to  him 
that  formed  it,  why  hast  thou  made  me  thus  ?' "  "O," 
said  I,  "I  do  not  reply  against  God  ;  no !  God  has 
made  me  to  disbelieve  it,  and  I  am  glad  of  it,  for  I 
don't  want  to  believe  that  God  has  decreed  every 
Ihihg."  "  Well,"  said  he,  **if  you  don't  believe  it, 
you  can  never  go  to  Heaven  !"  I  said,  "  I  don't  want 
to  !"  He  said,  "  it  hurls  me  to  hear  you  talk  so." 
"  Why  r  said  I,  "  if  God  has  decreed  that  I  should 
go  to  hell,  I  wish  to  go  straight  off  to  hell !  I  don't 
care  about  going  to  a  day  of  judgment  to  know  that  I 
must  be  damned  ;  if  he  would  hn  me  know  it  here,  I 
would  go  straight  off."  He  looked  pale,  and  said, 
"  it  hurls  me  to  hear  you  talk  so."  I  said,  "  do  you 
lliink  God  has  decreed  any  thing  contrary  to  his 
will?"  He  said,  "  No."  I  said,  "  well  then,  if  he 
decreed  that  I  should  he  damned,  it  was  his  will  that 
I  8hould"be,  and  I  wish  to  acquiesce  and  submit,  and 
make  his  will  my  choice."  He  said,  *'  it  hurts  me 
to  hear  you  talk  so."  I  said,  "  to  acquiesce  in  the 
will  of  God,  is  my  happiness,  and  I  shall  be  happy 
in  hell.     Yes,  I  shall  be  as  happy  in  hell  as  you  will 


113 

in  Heaven,  for  you  and  God  will  be  always  quarrel- 
ling."     He  said,  (shaking  his  head,)  "  it  hurts  me  to 
hear  you  talk  so."     "  Why,"  said  I,  "  do  you  not  be- 
lieve God   decreed    all  our  words  and    thoughts,  as 
well   as  our   actions?"     He   said,   "yes."     "Well 
Mien,  God  decreed  ihat  I  should  talk  and  think  just  as 
I  do,  and  this  you  say,  *  hurls  you  ;'  it  is  because  you 
are  not  reconciled  to  the  will  of  God  ;  therefore  if  you 
go  to  Heaven,  you  would   be  quarrelling   with  God, 
and  I  should  not  like  to  be  there  to  see  it.     Further, 
I  have  to  say  to  you  ;  if  God  decreed  all  our  thoughts 
and  words,  as    you  say,  he  decreed  what  I  am  now 
about  to  say ;  and  that    is,  that  your  doctrine    is  the 
last  doctrine  the  devil  ever  throwed  out  of  hell,  and 
if  you  don't  quit  it,  you  will  be  damned  like  a  devil. 
Now  God  decreed  among  all  ihe  rest,  that  I  should 
say  so.     U  your  doctrine  be  true,  and  I  don't  believe 
he  would  decree  me  to  say    so,  unless  it   was  so  ; 
therefore  you  had  belter  look  out."     He  went  away 
sorrowful ;  and  I  was  pleased  at  having  an  opportu- 
nity of  rebutting  ihe  absurd  doctrine,  in  the  very  man 
that  had  been  the  means  of  giving  me  so  much  (rou- 
ble   and  confusion  of  ihoughts,  when   I  was  twelve 
years  old.     However,  I  heard  that  he  said  afterwards, 
thai  I  was  a  dangerous  young  man  to  talk  with. 

A  little  after,  another  came  to  instruct  me  ;  and  he 
went  on  with  a  long  discourse  of  his  opinions  of  elec- 
tion and  reprobation.  He  said,  *'  that  God  before  the 
foundation  of  the  world,  elected  a  certain  number,  and 
gave  them  to  his  Son  Jesus  Christ  in  a  covenant  of 
grace  he  made  with  him,  and  this  covenant  of  grace 


U4 

he  called  llie  new  covenant,  A:c.  And  all  il.at  were 
not  elected  were  reprobated.  "  Well,"  I  says,  "  you 
are  one  of  the  reprobates."  Hp  said,  "  O  yon  are 
not  charitable."  I  said,  *'  yes,  I  think  1  am,  I  speak 
the  truth."  "  No  !"  said  he,  "  but  you  are  not  char- 
itable, you  judge."  **  Well,"  said  I,  "  I  judge  right- 
eous  judgment,  and  that  is  charitable  I  am  sure." 
Some  that  stood  by,  said,  "  oh,  no,  you  ought  not  to 
judge  so."  "  Well,"  said  I,  '*  but  by  their  fruits  I 
am  to  know  them  ;  and  I  judge  him  aecording  to  his 
fruits,  for  reprobates  are  always  guilty  of  accusing 
God  with  injustice.  One  reprobate  said  in  plain 
words  in  old  time,  I  know  thou  art  a  hard  master, 
reaping  where  thou  hast  not  strewed  ;  so  Mr.  G. 
says,  God  requires  the  reprobates  to  repent,  but  nev- 
er gives  them  grace  to  repent.  He  has  said  also, 
that  the  Father  entered  into  a  covenant,  (that  is,  a 
bargain)  with  his  Son,  and  gave  him  all  the  elect,  and 
no  more  ;  if  he  would  die,  &c.  And  this  gift  is  said 
to  be  a  generous  one,  and  out  of  great  love  for  his 
Son.  Now,  if  the  grant  made  by  the  Father  to  the 
Son  in  the  bargain  (for  a  covenant  is  a  bargain)  was 
not  a  full  reward  for  his  labor ;  then  he  cheated  him 
by  requiring  more  of  him  than  what  he  paid  him  for; 
unless  he  had  no  more  to  give.  But  we  are  told,  that 
the  Father  had  more,  and  had  given  them  to  the  dev- 
il by  a  decree  of  reprobation.  But  what  was  this  for  ? 
What  had  the  devil  done  to  merit  so  many  subjects  ? 
We  read  that  he  deceived  mother  Eve,  and  stirred 
up  rebellion  against  God.  But  would  God  therefore 
give  him  the  greater  part  of  his  creatures  to  reward^ 


him  for  deceiving  one   woman  ?     Besides  it  is  said, 
the  Father  gave  the  Son  all  the  elect  out  of  love  to 
him.     Yes,  great  love,  because  he  gave  him  so  many. 
But  the  elect  are  called  a  remnant.     This  figure  of 
speech,  is  to  represent  a  very  small  number,  as  when 
a  tailor  has  cut  up  a  piece  of  cloth  into  garments,  and 
there  is  a  small   piece  left,  not  sufficient  for   a  gar- 
ment—this is  called  a  remnant ;  and  to  explain  |his 
text  agreeably  to  your  doctrine,  we  must  say  :  when 
God  the  Father  decreed  to  make  a  world  of  human 
beings,  he  decreed  to  dispose  of  them  as  he  pleased, 
for  surely   he  can  do   what  he  will  with  his  own.— 
Well,  your  doctrine  says,  he  gave  the  old  devil  by  a 
decree  of  reprobation,  the  greater  part  of  them.  Shall 
we  say  it  was  out  of  love  to  him  ?"     **  0  no."     "  But 
why  not  ?     If  giving  a  small  remnant  to  his  Son,  was 
a  mark  of  love  to  him  ;  sure  the  more  he  gave,  the 
greater  the  love  ;  and  by  this  parity  of  reasoning,  he 
must  have   loved  the  devil  more  than  he  did  Christ. 
You  see  what  injustice  and  folly  you  are  ascribing  to 
God ; — these,  I  say,   are   the  marks   of  reprobates. 
Therefore,  I  said  you  are  a  reprobate."     Such  harsh 
talk  surprised  them  ;  and  all  present  seemed  amazed 
and  confounded  for  some  lime,  and  at  last  he  said  ; 
"  Well,  but  a  man  may  be  mistaken  in  his  opinion, 
and  not  be  a  reprobate."     I  said  "  yes  ;  but  what 
will  you  do  ?     You  say  God  has  decreed  whatsoever 
comes  to  pass, — and  it  has  come  to  pass,  that  I  have 
said  you  are  a  reprobate  ;  do  you  think  God  would 
decree  me  to  say  so,  unless  it  was  so  ?"  '  He  made 
no  answer  to  this,  but  swallowed  his  spittle,  and  went 


!    \ 


■     A 


116 

away.  I  vYas  sorry  to  hurt  his  feeh'ngs,  but  I  lliought, 
can  I  hear  the  God  of  love  and  goodness  himself, 
spoken  of  as  an  unjust  tyrant,  and  not  reprove  the  ab- 
surdity ?  No  I  Let  God  be  true  and  every  man  a 
liar.  Why  should  I  regard  the  feelings  of  puny  man, 
when  he  does  not  regard  ihe  character  of  the  immac- 
ulate God  !  But  then,  if  they  are  under  the  power 
of  delusion,  1  ought  to  pity  them,  and  pray  for  them  ; 
—yes,  this  is  my  duty.  This  led  me  to  a  greater 
fervency  in  prayer  for  the  Calvinists,  and  for  myself 
too,  that  I  might  discharge  my  duty  to  God  and  pre- 
cious souls,  in  the  spirit  of  pure  love. 

I  could  but  observe  that  all  who  were  firm  in  the 
faith  of  election  and  reprobation,  always  considered 
themselves  of  the  number  of  the  elect,  though  they 
would  be  very  modest  in  their  profession.  They 
would  not  say,  I  know  I  am  one  of  the  elect,  I  know 
I  am  converted,  &c. ;  but  I  hope  I  am  elected,  I  hope 
I  am  converted,  I  hope  I  love  God,  I  hope  I  have  got 
a  hope,  &c. 


CHAPTER  VII. 


Our  class  was  as  it  were  of  one  soul,  united  in 
love  ;  and  though  our  gifts  were  small,  yet  the  bless- 
ings of  God  weregrear.  After  I  moved  from  our  hired 
room  to  the  little  cottage  I  had  built  in  the  woods,  I 
was  one  evening  going  lo  prayer  meeting ;  and  as  my 
wife  had  so  repeatedly  said  that  she  would  not  be  a 
Methodist,  or  go  with  me  to  my  meetings,  I  said  noth- 
ing  to  her.     But  she  now  said,  I  have  a  mind  to  go 
along  with  you,  if  you  will  carry  the  child.     I  said, 
**  O  yes."     So  for  the  first  time,  she  went  with  me 
to  a  prayer  meeting.     After  we  returned  home,  and  I 
was  kindling  a  fire  she  sat  holding  the  child,  I  said, 
"  how  did  you  like  the  meeting  T     She  said  nothing. 
I  blowed  up  the  coals,  and  got  the  fire  blazing  ;  then 
I  asked  her  again,  how  did  you  like  the  meeting  ?  and 
turning  to  her  I  saw  tears   running  down  her  face. 
Seeing  this,  I  renewed  my  question  in  a  softer  tone. 
She  answered,  "  O  how  they  love  one  another,  I  nev- 
er saw  such  love  in  all  my  life.".    I  said,  "  my  dear, 
that  is  our  religion."  "  Well,  I  believe  it  is  a  good  re- 
ligion, said  she  ;  but  I  never  saw  so  much  love  among 
any  people  before."     This   conversation  gave  new 
springs  tomy  faith,  that  my  dear  wife  was  not  far  from 
the  kingdom  of  Heaven.     This,  with  a  circumstance 


lis 

that  occurred  a  few  months  before  we  moved,  con- 
firmed  in  me  a  firm  belief,  that  God  had  taken  my 
wife  in  hand ;  and  that  he  would  convert  hef  soul, 
if  "  I  continued  in  faith  and  charity  and  holiness  with 
sobriety."     1   Tim.  ii.   15.     The  circumstance  that 
occurred  was  this  :— The  woman  and  daughter  of 
the  family  where  we  lived,  often  came  into  our  room 
to  hear  my  wife  read   in  John   Bunyan's   Pilgrim's 
progress ;  and  one  day  she  was  reading  how  Chris 
TiANA  opposed    Christian  when  he   set  out  on  pil- 
grimage.    The  thought  struck  her,  this  is  like  me. 
I  oppose   my  husband,  as    Christiana  did,  and  she 
was  afraid  the  woman  would  say,  "  that  is  like  you." 
So  she  laid  aside  the  book,  and  excused  herself  for 
notreading^any  longer  then.  But  after  they  went  out, 
she  got  ihe  book   and  read  it  over  again  by  herself. 
I  happened   to  come  in  a  little   after,  and   saw  she 
had  been    in  tears.    I  said  nothing  to  her  then  ;  but 
went  away  to  the  barn,  and  prayed  for  her  :    I  thank- 
ed   God  most  heartily  for  the   prospect  of  convic- 
tion   in  my  wife.     I   revolved    in    my   mind   many 
ways,    how  I  should  introduce  a   discourse  with  her 
on  the  subject,  so  as  to  have  her  own  the  truth  of  what 
she  felt  on  her  mind;  for   she,  like  others,    when 
convicted  in   those  days,  would  hide  it  every  way 
she  could.    So  at  night  when  we  were  alone,  I  began 
to  confess  my   neglect  of  duty  to   her ;    that  I  was 
afraid  I  did   not  love  her  as  I  ought ;    because  I 
had  so  seldom  spoken  to  her  about  the  concern  of 
her  soul ;  and  I  felt  distressed  for  myself  and  for  her. 
Again  I  have  thoughr,  said  I,  that  the  reason  why  you 


III) 

were  not  willing  to  own  any  convictions   on    your 
mind,  was  for  fear  I  would  speak  of  it  to  others.  But 
I  have  thought  that  if  you  have  any  concern,  and  will 
mention  it  to  me,  I  will  not  speak  of  it  to  others,  un- 
less you  are  willing ;  for  we  ought  to  bear  eacl/ oth- 
ers burdens.     Now,  my  dear,  I  wish  you  would  be 
free  with  me,  and  tell  me  if  you  have  any  concern. 
Upon  this  with  tears  she  began  testate  that  she  had  ; 
and  told  me  how  it  came  upon  her.  I  had  never  read 
that  part  of  John  Bunyan's  work,  so  I  got  the  book 
and  read  it  over ;  and  found  some  words  to  be  the 
same  she  had  used  to.  me,  so  that  she  might  well 
think  ''this  is  like  me."     After  this  she  would  talk 
freely  to  me  respecting  the  salvation  of  her  soul ; 
though  I  had  never  proposed  to  her  any  thing  about 
going  to  my  meetings  or  joining  any  denomination  of 
Christians  ;  but  now,  when  she  appeared  to  be  quick- 
ened up  anew,  and  when  she  had  attended  several 
Methodist  meetings,  I  one  day  began  again  to  confess 
I  was  afraid  that  I  did  not  discharge  my  duty  to  her. 
She  asked  me  wherein ,  for  she  had  no  fault  to  find': 
I  said^why  it  may  be  that  you  have  a  desire  to  join 
some  church,  and  want  me  to  carry  you  to  some  min- 
ister, and  introduce  you   to  him,    and   you   may  be 
afraid  to  ask  me,  and  I  ought  not  to  put  you  to  that 
trouble.     But  I  wish  you  to  know,  that  I  am  perfectly 
wilhng  that  you  should  join  any  order  or  denomination 
you   choose,  if  you   will  only  live  religion.     I  am  a 
Methodist,  and  I  intend  to  continue  a  Methodist ;  and 
by  the  grace  of  God  I  mean  to  live  religion.     But  I 
think  other  denominations  may  live  religion   also ; 


120 

and  if  you  are  a  Presbyterian  or  a  Baptist,  we  can 
live  religion  together  ;  only  it  will  not  be  quite  so 
handy  for  you  to  go  to  one  meeting  and  I  to  another, 
at  the  same  time  ;  but  I  am  sure  we  can  gel  along 
with  it  very  well,  provided  we  agree ;  therefore,  I 
want  you  to  make  free  with  me,  and  let  me  know 
what  denomination  you  wish  to  join.  Upon  this,  she 
began  to  say  with  tears  :  "  It  is  with  me  as  it  was 
with  a  young  woman  I  heard  of."  I  said,  how  was 
that  ?  "Why,  there  was  a  religious  man  that  used  to 
pray  with  the  sick,  and  this  young  woman  was  one 
day  laughing  about  him,  when  her  parents  chided  her 
for  it,  and  said  you  may  be  sick,  and  want  him  to 
pray  for  you  ;  but  she  said,  no,  I  will  die  first,  before 
I  would  ask  him.  It  was  not  long  before  she  was 
taken  sick,  and  this  religious  man  happened  to  come 
in.  When  she  saw  him,  it  reminded  her  of  her  speech^ 
and  she  was  in  great  distress,  and  some  thought  she 

would  die.     Mr. also  stood  by  her  bed,  and  saw 

her  in  an  agony.     When  she  got  strength  to  speak, 

she  looked  upon  him  and  said,  *'0  Mr. do  pray 

for  me,  or  I  shall  die."  So  it  is  with  me.  1  have 
said  I  would  die  before  I  would  join  the  Methodists, 
and  now,  if  I  don't  join  them,  I  shall  die."  Well,  I 
said,  my  dear,  this  is  all  of  the  Lord,  you  can't 
say  I  have  proselyted  you.  No,  she  said,  I  have  no- 
thing to  accuse  you  with. 

After  this  she  was  baptized  by  the  Methodist  preach- 
er. At  the  same  time,  I  gave  up  my  dear  child  also 
in  baptism.  This  was  a  solemn,  joyful  time  to  me, 
and  many- others.     My  wife  was  peculiarly  blessed, 


121 


and  the  great  solemnity  of  her  countenance,  so  affect- 
ed  the  people,  that  it  was  spoken  of  as  wonderful. 
And  many  that  heard  of  it  came  to  our  meetings  af- 
terwards, to  see  the  wonder.  So  the  work  of  religion 
revived  among  us,  and  we  increased  in  the  love  and 
zeal  of  God. 

Now  my  conviction  increased  upon  me,  that  God 
had  called  me  to  preach.  I  had  often  been  impressed 
with  the  duty  ;  a^d  labored  to  discharge  it  by  exhort- 
ing.    But  many  said,  I  must  preach.     The  Minister 
of  the  standing  order  in  our  town,  one  day  when  we 
were  together,  slapt  me  on   the  shoulder  and  said, 
•>u  must  preach."     I  said,  "I  don't  know  yet,  I 
think  I  am  too  ignorant  for  that."    "Well,  well,"  said 
he,  "you  have  got  to  preach  for  all,  and  you  must  at- 
tend to  the  funerals  in  this  part  of  the  town.     I  will 
speak  to  the  people  at  the  funeral  to-day,  that  if  there 
should  be  any  other  funeral  occasions,  to  call  on  you, 
for  it  is  so  far  for  me  to  come  ;  and  I  have  so  many 
calls  otherwise,  that  I  doubt  whether  I  can  attend 
them.     But  you  have  got  to  preach,  so  you  may  as 
well  prepare  and  begin  in  this  wayr     I  thought  this 
was  very  candid  in  our  Presbyterian  minister ;  and 
to  talk  thus  to  a  zealous  Methodist  class-leader,  who 
could  not  agree  with  him  in  some  doctrinal  points, 
plainly  showed  me  that  he  did  not  view  religion  to 
consist  in-forms  or  opinions.     Indeed  we  had  always 
viewed  him  to  be  one  of  the  most  catholic  good  men 
in  all  this  region. 

But  I  had  not  only  thought  I  was  too  ignorant  to 

6 


lit 


preach,  but  I  had  thought  exhortation  was  a  field  of 
labor  that  would  answer  the  call  of  God.     And  not 
only  so, — but  I  had  thought  I  was  not  holy  enough 
to  adnftinisler  the  sacraments.     And  it  appeared  to 
me,  that  no  man  ought  to  minister  whose  wife  is  un- 
converted ;  for  if  a  man  cannot  be  instrumental  of  the 
conversion  of  his  wife,  he  will  not  be  instrumental  of 
the  conversion  of  any  other  sinners.-^And  if  a  minis- 
ter is  not  instrumental  of  the  conversion  of  some  soul», 
it  is  because  God  has  nol  called  him.     Therelore,  be- 
fore the  conversion  of  my  wife,  I  answered  all  theim- 
pressions  to  preach,  by  saying,  this  impression  can- 
not be  of  God,  if  it  was  my  prayers  for  my  wife  would 
be  answered.     But  now  when  I  saw  all  my  prayers 
answered  for  her,  I  was  afraid  I  should   sin  against 
God,  if  I  any  longer  doubled  the  impression  to  be 
from  him.     However,  as  I  had  bought  a  new  farm, 
for  which  I  owed,  and  as  the  salary  of  a  Methodist 
preacher  hardly  supplied  his  necessities,  without  sup- 
plying any  conveniences,  and  as  he  scarcely  ever  got 
over  half  that,  I  thought  it  wisdom,  first  to  pay  for  my 
farm,  get  clear  of  debt,  and  get  a  few  cows  for  my 
wife  to  make  a  small  dairy,  and  then  travel  and  preach 
all  I  could.  With  this  wise  plan  in  my  head,  1  work- 
ed  hard  in  the  day,  and  studied  hard  at  nights—pray- 
ed five  or  six  times  a  day  in  my  family,  and  in  secret, 
attended  my  meetings  on  Sabbaths,  and  one  prayer 
meeting  every  week,  and  once  in  two  weeks  we  had 
preaching. 

I  had  nothing  to  trouble   me,   but   my  impres- 
sion to  preach  ;  and   my  fears   lest   I  should  sin  i  f 


123 

I  did  not,  and  sin  if  I  did  ;  some  days,  these  fears 
made  me  almost  miserable.     I  pined  away  like  one 
in  the  quick  consumption,  and  like  Jonah,  prayed  for 
death.      My  soul  was  truly  happy  in  God,  only  when 
those  impressions  to  preach  were  upon  me  ;  and  then, 
my  fear  to  comply,  and  my  fear  not  to  comply,  strait- 
ened me,  so  that  for  some  whole  days  I  could  not 
work ;  I   would    set  down  and   weep,  and  pray  the 
Lord  to  lake  those  impressions  from  me.     But  when 
I  came  to  meeting,  and  got  engaged  in  prayer  and  ex- 
hortation, my  soul  would  be  upon  the  wing  again.     I 
knew  I  had  peace  with  God,  and  fellowship  with  the 
Father,  and  with  the  Son,  and  with  the  Holy  Ghost. 
But  still  I  would  plead  to  be  excused  from  preaching. 
Some  of  my  brethren  would  say,  after  we  had  a  good 
meeting,  "You  ought  to  preach."     I  said,  "I  am  not 
fit."     Then  they  would  say,  "Ah  !  well,  the  Lord  is 
calling  you  to  it,  and  you  will  have  to  come  to  it  at 
last."     I  said,  "I  cannot  travel,  and  preach."     Thev 
said,  "  O  but  we  don't  want  you  to  travel."     I  said 
but  liille  to  them.     But  I  thought  this  is  strange  ;  I 
have  never  said  any  thing  to  any  one  of  my  impres- 
sions ;  no,  not  to  my  wife.     Indeed  I  dare  not,  for 
fear  the  duty  would  be  plain  to  me,  and  I  should  have 
to  travel  and  preach  before  I  had  paid  for  my  farm, 
and  made  provision  for  my  wife  and  children,  &c. 
For  I  considered  if  my  call  were  to  preach,  it  was 
also  to  travel.  And  many  times  after  I  had  gone  from 
a  good  meeting,  I  would  have  no   more  happiness 
until  I  came  to  meeting  again.  I  had  persuaded  my- 
self that  the  impression  to  preach  was  not  of  God 


124 


from  the  consideration  ilial  I  was  not  holy  enough  to 
administer  the  sacraments.     But  this  plea  was  taken 
from  me,  so  that  I  dare  not  make  it  any  more  before 
God,  on  this  wise  :  one  night  (after  a  very  happy  day 
in  communion  with  God)  I  dreamed  that  I  came  out 
of  a  woods,  into  an  open  field  of  most  delightful  green 
pasture,  where  I  saw  all  the  members  of  my  class 
were  assembled  around  a  table.     My  heart  leaped  for 
joy  to  see  them.     I  asked  them  why  they  were  there. 
They  said,  "brother,  we  have  been  waiting  for  you 
to  come  and  administer  the  sacrament  to  us  ;  we  have 
the  elements  of  bread  and  wine  here  all  prepared  ;  and 
we  want  you  to  make  the  prayer  of  consecration,  and 
administer  it  to  us  ;  for  the  Lord  has  made  us  all  hap- 
py."     I  thought  I  saw  all  their  spirits  shining   with 
love  to  God ;  and  I  was   also  very  happy,  so  that  I 
could  not  resist  with  any  propriety.     I  therefore  said, 
let  us  pray,— we  all  kneeled  down  around  the  table, 
and  I  lifted  up  my  hands  and  eyes  to  heaven,  and  be- 
gan to  pray  for  the  presence  of  God  to  be  with  us  ; 
and  as  I  looked  up,  I  saw  heaven  open,  and  Jesus  at 
the  right  hand  of  God,  and  the  Heavenly  hosts  sur- 
rounding the  throne,  adoring  the  Father  and  Son  in 
the  most   sublime   strains. — At  this   sight   my  soul 
caught  the   heavenly  fire,  and  I  began   to  clap   my 
hands,   and  cried  out,  glory,   glory  !   glory !     This 
awaked  my  wife,  and  she  spoke,  and  said,  "why,  you 
are  very  happy."     This  awaked  me  while  I  was  cry- 
ing  glory.  I  was  sorry  it  was  a  dream  ;  but  I  thought 
I  will  say  nothing,  and  get  to  sleep  again  as  quick  as 
I  can,  and  get  into  the  dream  again.     But  I  thought 


125 

why  has  the  Lord  given  me  this  blessed  dream.  The 
impression  immediately  came : — To  show  you  that 
you  ought  not  to  object  to  preach,  or  say  that  you  are 
not  fit  to  administer  the  sacraments  ;  for  whom  God 
calls,  he  qualifies :  only  trust  in  him,  and  your  way 
will  be  plain.  This  destroyed  all  my  sleep  for  that 
night.  I  lay  and  wept  to  think  that  so  weak  and  ig- 
norant a  soul   as  I  was,  should  be  called  to  preach. 

0  that  I  might  rather  die,  than  be  a  travelling  preach- 
er, thought  I.     Thus  from  the  heights  of  happiness, 

1  was  brought  into  the  depth  of  dejection.  I  spent 
most  of  the  next  day  alone  in  the  woods.  I  strove  to 
work,  but  could  not,  and  so  for  several  days,  I  fasted 
and  prayed,  that  the  Lord  would  not  take  his  good 
Spirit  from  me,  and  that  he  would  shew  me  that  those 
impressions  to  preach,  were  of  nature  or  of  the  devil, 
and  deliver  me  from  them. 

One  day  when  at  work,  clearing  up  my  fallow- 
ground  for  a  crop,  having  as  in  days  past,  no  strength 
to  work,  1  thought,  this  will  never  do.  I  cannot  work, 
and  I  am  not  happy  in  it,  as  in  former  days.  I  ought 
to  be  submissive  to  the  will  of  God.  If  the  Lord  does 
call  me  to  preach,  I  ought  to  say,  "here,  Lord,  am  I, 
send  me."  But  how  shall  I  know  this  is  the  Lord, 
and  not  a  delusion  ?  It  was  then  suggested  to  my 
mind,  "you  have  fasted  and  prayed,  but  you  have  not 
opened  the  Bible  and  asked  for  direction  from  the 
word  of  God."  Then  I  kneeled  down,  and  prayed 
that  the  Lord  would  direct  me  by  his  word  ;  that  if 
ray  impressions  to  preach  were  from  him,  I  might 
open  the  Bible  on  some  text,  clearly  expressing  the 


ik.. 


w 


126 

duly  of  one  called  of  God  to  preach.  Bui  if  not,  thai  I 
might  open  on  a  text,  expressing  danger  of  running  be- 
fore I  was  sent.  I  then  went  to  ray  house  to  open  my 
Bible  solemnly  for  an  answer.     But,  I  must  confess 
with  a  secret  desire,  that  I  might  be  delivered   from 
Ihe  impression  to  preach.     When  I  took  up  my  Bi- 
ble, I  shut  my  c)/es  and  said  in  my  heart  *'now,  Lord, 
let  it  be  a  fair  lot."  I  opened  and  found  my  finger  on 
Ezekiel  iii.  17,  18,  "Son  of  man,  I  have  made  thee  a 
watchman  unto  the  House  of  Israel :  therefore,  hear 
the  word  at  my  mouth  and  give  them  warning  from 
me.     When  I  say  unto  the  wicked,  thou  shah  sure  ly 
die ;  and  thou  givest  him  not  warning,  nor  speakest 
to  warn  the  wicked  from  his  wicked  wav,  to  save  his 
iife;  the  same  wicked  man  shall  die  in  his  iniquity  • 
but  his  blood  will  I  require  at  thine  hand."     I  read 
no  further,  but  shut  up  ihe  book  and  left  the  house  in 
haste,  blaming  myself  for  taking  this  measure,  be- 
cause  now  I  had  less  ground  to  excuse  myself  than  be- 
fore.  I  got  to  my  field  again,  but  a  gloomy  horror  over- 
spread my  mind  more  than  ever.  I  saidown  and  wept  • 
and  wished  the  Lord  would  lake  my  life.     For  two 
hours  I  was  but  a  little  from  distraction.     How  can  I 
discharge  my  duty  and  be  a  minister?  I  must  pay  for 
my  farm,  and  get  something  for  my  wife  and  chil- 
dren  to  subsist  upon,  or  it  will  be  said,  I  am  worse 
than  an  infidel,  if  I  provide   not  for  my  own  house- 
hold.     But  to  feel  as  I  do,  I  cannot  work.     I  fear  if 
I  preach,  I  shall  not  do  my  duty ;  and  I  fear  if  I  do 
not,  I  shall  be  damned  after  all.     0,  if  Calvinism 
were  irue,  that  I  could  not  fall  from  grace,  I  could 


m 


easily  overcome  this  distress  by  leaving  all  to  the 
irresistible  grace  of  God,  and  say,  "once  in  grace 
always  in  grace."  But  I  am  torn  and  racked  in 
every  way.  Thus  I  struggled,  until  exhausted  with 
fatigue,  1  went  and  lay  down  on  the  damp  ground, 
praying  the  Lord  to  lake  my  life,  and  have  mercy  on 
my  soul.  I  was  in  hopes  I  should  take  cold  and 
die.  I  dare  not  go  into  the  house,  lest  my  wife 
would  ask  me  what  was  the  matter,  and  I  should 
have  to  tell  her  my  exercises.  I  slept  about  an 
hour  and  an  half  on  the  damp  ground,  and  awoke 
much  refreshed  in  body  ;  and  like  a' child  that  had 
been  whipped,  more  soft  and  docile  in  temper,  I 
prayed,  and  begged  of  the  Lord  to  forgive  my  re- 
fractory temper.  I  felt  ashanr.ed  of  what  I  had  done. 
I  went  to  my  work,  but  I  could  not  work  ;  then  I 
again  prayed  ;  and  at  this  time  1  resolved  to  go  to 
the  bouse,  and  ask  my  wife  to  open  the  Bible  with 
her  eyes  shut,  and  put  in  her  finger,  and  read  the 
verse  her  finger  was  upon,  and  if  it  was  a  call  to  the 
work  of  the  ministry,  I  would  receive  it ;  I  would 
no  more  resist,  nor  Jonah-like  run  from  the  Lord. 
1  went  in,  and  informed  her  of  my  distress  for  the 
first  time  I  ever  spoke  to  her  about  it,  and  how  I  had 
resisted  the  impression,  until  like  Jonah,  "  I  was  in 
misery,  and  could  do  no  work."  1  have  fasted  and  pray- 
ed for  an  answer  that  would  solve  the  doubt,  and  now 
I  have  come  in  to  have  you  open  the  Bible,  shutting 
your  eyes,  until  you  place  your  finger  on  a  text,  and 
read  the  text  your  finger  is  on.  She  took  the  Bible 
and  opened  it  in  a  hurry,  without  shutting  her  eyes. 


u 


<• 


128 

on  John  x:  13,  and  read,  "The  hireling  fleelh  be- 
cause he  is  an  hireling,  and  carelh  not  for  the  sheep." 
I  said,  "  my  dear,  you  knew  where  that  text  was, 
and  you  opened  to  it  to  reproach  me  for  not  having 
yielded  lo  the  duty ;  besides  you  did  not  shut  your 
eyes,  and  it  is  not  a  fair  lot."     She  smiled  to  see  me 
80  earnest.     I  said,  "  how  dare  you  smile  so  before 
God  ?     Why  this  is  an   awful,   solemn   time— you 
ought  not  to  smile."     I  took  the   Bible,   and  said, 
**  now  let  there  be  a  fair  lot,  shut  your'  eyes."     She 
did  so,  and  opened  on  Luke  ix :  60,  and  read,  "Jesus 
said  unto  him,  let  the  dead  bury  their  dead  ;  but  go 
thou  and  preach  the  kingdom  of  God."  I  said,  "why, 
my  dear,  there  is  no  such  text  in  the  Bible,  you 
have  made  it."     She  burst  into  tears,  reaching  me 
the  Bible,  saying,  "  there,   read  it."     While  I  was 
reading  it,  to  my  utter  amazement,  she  said,  "  I 
knew  you  would  have  to  preach  !    I  have  given  you 
up  a  long  time  ago.''     I  said,  "  Well,  this  is  of  God, 
let  us  pray."     So  we  kneeled  down,  and  all  my  hor- 
ror of  mind  was  gone  in  a  moment — my  soul  was 
now  again  happy  in  God  ;  though  I  mourned  that  I 
should  have  been  unyielding  to  the  impressions  that 
had  long  followed  me.     I  prayed  the  Lord  to  forgive 
the  stubbornness  I  had  been  guilty  of.     I  said,  "  I 
will  preach  as  well  as  I  can,  I  will  not  refuse  again, 
if  lam  called  upon."  Solyieldedand  gave  myself  up, 
poor,  and  weak,  and  simple  as  I  was  ;  even  less  than 
the  least  of  all.     The  text,  "  Let  the  dead  bury  their 
dead,"  was  opened  and  applied  to  me  thus  :  "I  owed  a 
debt ;  that  I  must  see  it  paid,"  This  lo  me  was  as  one 


139 

dead,  that  I  had  lo  bury  it,  and  my  farm  was  as  ano 
iher  dead  ;  now  sell  the  farm  and  pay  the  debt.  So 
I  said  to  my  wife,  "  this  is  the  way  I  must  do  f  and 
I  determined  to  sell  and  clear  off  all  debts,  and  trust 
in  the  Lord  for  my  support ;  live  or  die,  I  will  be  for 
God.  I  had  promised  the  Lord  that  I  would  preach 
the  first  time  I  was  caUed  upon  in  his  providence, 
whether  I  had  license  from  the  Quarterly-Meeting 
Conference  or  not.     And  it  was  not  long  before  I 

was   invited   by   Mr.  H ,   (who  kept  a  tavern 

on  Hinsdale-Flats,  and  was  a  professed  Deist,)  to 
hold  a  meeting  at  his  house  the  next  Sabbath.  I 
thought  I  would  say  as  usual,  "  I  don't  preach,  but 
I  exhort  the  people  to  quit  their  sins."  "  Well," 
he  said,  "  I  wish  you  would  hold  a  meeting  with 
I  replied,  "  well,  give  it  out  for  next  Sabbath, 


us. 


10  o'clock."  So  he  did  ;  and  I  attended.  But  when 
I  came  in  sight  of  his  house,  all  of  a  sudden  it 
came  to  my  mind,  that  that  was  the  house  1  was  to 
be  invited  lo  preach  in  first;  and  now  you  have 
promised  God  that  you  will  preach  the  first  lime  you 
are  invited.  I  said  lo  myself,  "  true,  I  have,  but  I 
was  not  invited  to  preach,  only  to  hold  a  meeting 
there ;  but  if  the  way  opens  to  preach,  Fll  preach, 
if  the  Lord  gives  me  a  text."  That  moment  these 
words  sweetly  impressed  my  mind,  "  Blessed  are  the 
pure  in  heart,  for  they  shall  sec  God."  I  said, 
"  trlory  be  to  thy  name,  O  my  God,  for  this  text*" 
So  T  rode  on  to  the  house  ;  many  had  come  lo  meet- 
ing.    Mr.  H met  me,  and  ordering  the  ostler  to 

6* 


1 


130 

put  out  my  horse  he  took  me  into  a  private  room, 
and  sn.d.  «  several  persona  that  have  come  to  meet- 
>ng,  have  desired  me  to  ask  you  to  take  a  text,  and 
preach  to  us  to-day."  I  ,aid,  "  well,  if  the  Lord  iives 
m  a  text  or  I  can  do  nothing  in  my  own  strength." 
fou"     -wTmV'"?  y-can  preach,   we  know 

directs  But  I  thought,  surely  I  am  not  only  called 
by  the  Lord  through  hi,  people,  but  now  a  deist  is 
cai.,^  me.  Well,  all  this  is  of  God  ;  so  we  w 
nto  h.s  large  room,  where  the  people  were  seared 
and  among  ,hem,  I  saw  the  man  that  was  to  be 
awakened  and  converted  by  my  preaching  i„  .,,'! 
hous.       looked  at  him,  and  thought  sure  L  there 

I  Su.         "*''"'  y°"   ^^"'   I"'   convicted   to-day  ■ 
I  felt  t  e  power  of  God  upon  me.     I  took  my  stand 
andcal^dthe  people's  attention  to  .he'worlhip   o 

arot  itund""'  '  '"""■     '  ^'^y^' '  ^^  -l^'"  ^ 

Isle  om "  Rrv"  'T-  ^"^  •■•"  ^^"-^  -'«•«'-• 

JT       '   .,  m     '"''  "'"  "'^  P"«  '■"  heart,  for  they 
.hall  s  e  God  !"     I  observed,  my  text  wasa  par   o^f 

Ue  first  sermon  our  Lord   preached  on  the  Moun" 

which  sermon  contains  the  whole  gospel     And    h^ 

wor  s  of  my  text,  I  should   improve  to   hew    fist 

means   lo   obtain   it  ;  and    snrnnA     tu^ 

and    they  shall  see  God.'  '        ~        ^  "messed, 

This  discourse  was  attended  with  Tdivine  blessing 
The  dear  old  man,   Mr  W  ii    .  messing. 

out  to  mp   f .  k  ■ '  ^^'^^  ^^«  tDarked 

out  to  me  to  be  converu^d  through  my  preaching, 


131 

Was  in  tears  th)3  most  part  of  the  meeting ;  and  many 
x)thers  were  deeply  affected  by  the  word.  And  Mr. 
W  - — -,  afterwards  informed  me  of  the  effect  the 
word  had  upon  his  mind,  and  the  peace  he  had  ob» 
lained  through  faith  in  the  word.  About  six  months 
after,  he  was  taken  sick,  and  died  happy  in  the  Lord^ 
On  witnessing  so  clear  a  fulfilment  of  ihe  revelation 
I  had  when  twelve  years  old,  and  being  filled  with 
love  to  God  and  all  mankind,  I  felt  confirmed  that 
ray  call  to  preach  was  of  God. 

And  now  that  I  had  preached  was  soon  noised 
about,  and  I  expected  my  father  and  others,  would 
be  highly  offended  with  me.  But  our  good  Congre- 
gational minister  spoke  so  favorable  of  me,  that  none 
felt  disposed  to  be  severe  upon  me.  My  father  be 
came  greatly  changed  in  his  mind  towards  me,  and 
sent  for  me  lo  come  and  see  him.  When  I  saw 
him  I  found  he  wanted  to  express  his  grief  thai  he 
had  not  given  his  children  a  better  education,  and 
because  I  now  labored  under  great  disadvantages 
by  his  neglect.  I  desired  him  not  to  reproach  him- 
self with  any  neglect  in  my  education,  for  I  had 
nothing  to  accuse  him  with.  Considering  the  circum- 
stances and  difficulties  he  labored  under,  I  thought 
he  could  not  have  done  better.  "As  it  respects 
myself,"  I  said,  "  it  is  true  my  education  is  very  poor 
for  so  great  a  work,  as  that  to  which  I  think  I  am 
<;alled.  But  God  hath  called  some  ignorant  and 
unlearned  men  to  the  ministry,  since  the  days  of 
Peter  and  John."  Acts  iv:  13.  He  said,  ^'yes;I 
believe  it,  and  I  don't  know  who  are  llie  most  stiita- 


I 


132 

ble.  The  Lord  knows  best."  Thus  my  father 
manifested  a  reconciliation  to  me  ;  and  expressed  a 
desire  that  I  might  be  blessed  in  the  work.  So  I 
had  his  good  wishes  and  nothing  more  ;  which  was 
a  great  comfort  to  me.  I  believe  he  would  have 
helped  me  to  some  property,  if  be  had  not  lost 
what  he  had  soon  after. 

About  this  time  my  dear  step-mother,  who  never 
had  a  witness   of    her    acceptance   with   God,  now 
stated  to  me  her  distress  of  mind.     And  we   set  up 
all  night  to  weep,  and  talk,  and  pray  together ;  and 
it  pleased  God  to  make  her  strong  in  faith,  and  joy- 
ful in  hope.     It   was  about  two  o'clock  in  the  nighl 
when  the  light  of  truth  made  her  soul  to  rejoice^'in 
God  her  Saviour.      Then  we   were    so  happy  wc 
wanted  no  sleep,   but  only  to  rejoice  in  the  Lord. 
Thus  wc  spent  all  the  nighl.     Glory  to  God,  this 
labor  was  sweet  to  my  soul,  my  dear  slep-mother  was 
instrumental   of  good   impressions   on   my  mind  in 
early  life,  and  now  the  Lord  has  made  me  instrumen- 
tal of  her  conversion   from  darkness  to  light.     This 
thought  cheered  my  spirits.     Ignorant  and  weak,  as 
I  ana  in  literature,  God  is  with  me,  and  I  hope  to  be 
wise  unto  salvation. 

After  I  had  preached  several  times,  I  applied  to 
brother  Spry,  (who  was  then  the  preacher  on  our 
circuit)  for  license.  I  said,  I  believe  I  have  trans- 
gressed the  rule  of  discipline  in  preaching  without  a 
license.  He  said  we  are  sometimes  obliged  to  violate 
the  letter  of  discipline  before  we  can  know  whether 
a  person   ought  to  be  licensed  ;  for   we   cannot   tell 


133 

whether  a  man  can  preach  until  we  hear  him  j  so 
that  these  violations  are  not  against  the  spirit  of 
discipline.  I  was  pleased  with  this  distinction,  and 
concluded  my  preaching  without  license,  would  not 
be  considered  so  headlong  a  piece  of  business,  as  I 
had  apprehended.  This  matter  was  attended  to,  and 
I  received  a  regular  license. 

And  now  my  way  was  open.   But  O  my  weakness, 
my  weakness.     I  soon  found  I  had  nothing  but  the 
Lord    to   depdnd    upon   for    matter    and    manner. 
Though  I  studied  hard  at  nights,  (as   I  must  work 
all  day)  I  could  not  make  a  sermon.     And  though 
sometimes  I  studied  out  the  method  of  preaching  on 
several  texts,  yet  when  I  came  to  meeting  there  was 
not  one  of  them  that  would  suit  the  occasion  ;  and 
many  times  I  had  to  preach  as  well  as  I  could,  on  a 
text  I  had  never  till  a  little  before  had  impressed  on 
my  mind  for  the  subject  matter  of  discourse.     Some 
times  1  thought  I  made  out  well  in  preaching  :  and 
sometimes  poor  enough.     And  sometimes  my  poor 
discourses  were  highly  spoken  of  by  the  people,  and 
some  souls  were  awakened  and  converted  by  them. 
And  sometimes  apparently  my  good   discourses  had 
no  good  effect  at  all,  and  were  thought  little  of  by 
the  people.     Well,  thought  I,  this   is  according  to 
Scripture,  "We  have  this  treasure  in  earthen  vessels, 
that  the  excellency  of  the  power  may  be  of  God  and 
not  of  us."     But   my  weakness  almost   discouraged 
me  at  times  :  for  I  had  not  then  heard  the  good  ef- 
fect my  weak  sermons  had,  so  that  I  began   to  grow 
gloomy  and  discouraged,  until  I  attended  the  Quarter- 


i 


I 


134 

ly  meeiing  in  PiUsfield.  At  the  prayer  meeting  ih 
the  evening  it  was  proposed  to  have  a  local  preacher 
deliver  us  a  sernnon.  He  was  a  stranger  to  me  ;  and 
as  he  appeared  lo  be  a  solenin,  gracious,  good  man, 
I  was  much  pleased  with  the  hope  of  a  good  time  : 
but  when  he  commenced  his  discourse,  I  perceived 
he  was  a  weak  brother.  And  as  he  progressed,  I 
Was  confirmed  that  he  was  very  weak,  and  before 
he  was  done,  I  concluded  that  he  was  weaker  than 
I  was  ;  and  surely,  I  thought  if  I  was  as  weak  as  he 
was,  I  would  never  attempt  to  preach  again.  Well, 
our  meeting  closed,  and  I  went  to  my  lodgings,  with 
a  sad  heart,  to  think  no  good  was  done  that  night. 
But  next  morning,  to  my  surprise,  I  heard  that  five 
persons  who  heard  our  weak  brother  the  night  be- 
fore, were  converted.  I  said  nothing  :  but  hid  my 
face  in  my  hands,  and  thought,  truly  these  are  thy 
marvellous  works,  O  Lord.  Thou  dost  make  use 
of  things  which  are  not  to  bring  to  nought  things 
that  are,  and  to  confound  the  mighty.  Well,  I  must 
lake  courage  :  and  if  I  cannot  shine  in  gifts,  let  me 
shine  in  humility  and  adorn  myself  in  a  meek  and 
quiet  frame  of  mind,  which  is  an  ornament  in  the 
sight  of  God,  of  great  price.  Then  I  shall,  like  this 
weak  brother,  be  instrumental  of  good  to  the  souls 
purchased  by  a  Saviour's  blood.  This  encouraged 
me  to  be  more  fervent  in  prayer,  and  diligent  in  study. 
I  had  read  all  Mr.  Fletcher's  works,  many  of  Mr. 
Wesley's,  the  Saint's  Rest,  many  Histories,  and  Bio- 
graphies, and  seme  volumes  of  Natural  and  Moral 
Philosophy,   Edward's  works,  Belamy,— and  Bos* 


I ' 


135 

T0N*s  Fourfold  State,  and  many  other  books,  be* 
sides  magazines  and  other  periodical  works.  But  my 
Bible  was  the  best  book  of  all.  After  all  my  study, 
and  advantage  of  some  anotations,  I  could  rarely 
premeditate  a  discourse  that  I  could  have  liberty 
lo  deliver  with  life  and  animation,  to  myself  or  the 
auditory.  I  concluded,  however,  that  to  neglect  study 
would  be  a  great  sin,  and  so  to  depend  on  a  studied 
discourse,  that  I  should  confine  myself  to  it,  would 
also  be  a  sin  ;  I  therefore  concluded  it  was  my  duty 
to  study  closely,  and  pray  fervently,  and  always  look 
lo  the  Lord  by  faith  for  help. 


CHAPTER  VJII. 

I  PREACHED  about  in  the  adjoining  towns  two  years 
before  I  got  prepared  to  travel.     But  in  this  preach- 
mg,  I  met  with  some  difficulties  ;  though  many  were 
the  invitations  to  come  and  preach  to  the  people  in 
the  diflferent  towns,  yet  none  saw  fit  to  contribute  any 
thing  to  bear  my  expense  ;  except  they  would   say, 
**  well,  brother  Hibbard,  may  the  Lord  reward  you 
for  all  your  labors.     I  hope   you  will   come  again." 
This  I  thought   was  better  than   nothing,  though  it 
would  not  pay  a  gate  fee,  nor  shoe  my  horse.     But 
I  worked  hard,  and  had  good  crops  ;  so  I  had  enough 
to  eat,  and  feed  our  preachers  and  their  horses.    The 
members  of  our  class  were  almost  all  poor,  but  loving 
and  kind.     We  had  a  gradual   increase.     Some  ex- 
traordinary conversions.     None  joined   us  but  what 
experienced  religion,  either  before  or  soon  after  they 
joined.     My  health  was  better  than  it  had  been,  but 
I  found  it  too  much  to  work  hard  all  day,  and  attend 
meetings  nights,  sometimes  till  twelve  or  one  o'clock. 
However,  1  thought  if  the  Lord  will  convert  souls,  I 
would  willingly  wear  myself  down.     We  had  solemn 
meetings,  and  all  appeared  alive  to  God. 
One  conversion  was  a  little  singular,  of  a  man  who 


137 


lived  about  four  miles  off,  with  whom  \  was  some 

acquainted  when  I  was  a  boy.     He  came  to  me  one 

day  when  I  was  in  my  cornfield.     He  inquired  first 

about  my  temporal   affairs,  like  a  man   of  business, 

and  conversed  about  his  working  at  my  father's  when 

I  was  a  boy,  and  enquired  after  his  welfare,  &c.  At 

last  he  said,  "  I  hear  that  you  hold  meetings  here." 

I  said  "  yes."     "  And  I  understand,"  said  he,  **  you 

take  in  members   for   six   months,"     I  said,  *•  yes, 

six  months'  probation."     He  said,  "  I  have  a  thought 

to  join  for  six  months.*^     I  said,  "  have  you  a  desire 

to  *  flee  the  wrath  to  come,'  and  be  saved  from  your 

sins  ?"     He  said,  "  I  have  not  any  concern  for  my 

soul  now.     I  had  some  days  ago,  but  it  is  all  gone 

now ;  only  I  know  that  I  have  been  a  swearer,  and 

often  got  drunk,  and  have  been  given  to  card  playing  ; 

and  some  time  ago,  I  felt  a  little  conviction,  that  I 

should  de  damned,  if  I  did  not  leave  off  this  course  ; 

but  now  it  is  all  gone  ;  and  I  heard  that  you  took  in 

members  for  six  months,  and  as  I  had  been  acquaint] 

ed  with  you  some,  I  thought  I  would  come  and  try  it 

for  six  months."     This  relation  struck  me  with  some 

amazement ;  but  as  he  appeared  to  be  honest,  I  did 

not  like  to  suspect  he  was  trifling  with  me  ;  but  I 

thought  I  will  be  as  honest  as  he  appears  to  be.     So 

I  asked  him  if  he  knew  the  rules  of  discipline  ?     He 

said,  "No,  I  only  heard  you  had  good  meetings  here." 

*'  Well,"  I  says,  "  come  with  me  into  the  house,  and 

I  will  read  the  rules,  and  then  you  will  see  whether 

you  can  attend  to  them  or  not."     So  he  readily  went 

with  me.     I  set  him   a  chair  and  sat  down  by  him, 


138 

our  c  as. ,  not  only  to  pray  morning  and  evenin.  in 

meet,  g.   whenever  I  called  upon  them.     Then  I 

S   'said    'Z    f  T  ""  "'^  "P  '"  "--  -''«  ?'' 

wife  looked  wuh  amazement  upon  us.     I  said  "VZ 

7  ™oml.s  is  only  the  time  of  p'obat  on  ;  i  tp  c 

ose  who  join  us,  wHl  continurai,  the  dlylof  t 
-fe.       He  sa.d,  "  I  should  not  l.ke  to  enLe  lonZ 
than  SIX  months  at  first."      "  Well  »  I  said  "  T      i^ 
"peak  to  the  class,  and  the   preachers  Xut  it       J 

you  mt.t  he  fauhfn,  to  observe  allXtrs^S 
sa'd.     yes,    and  appeared  satisfied,  as  thouM.  he  h.A 
made  a  good  bargain.     I  mentioned  thi    ,o  ^ tern 

me  case  as  though  it  was  a  lecral  mocoAnr^      rp, 
ne«Sabl^^^^^ 

me      We  f "  '"^'  '°''^"  '°  «P-'<  'vith  me  i„  pw! 
CO  nt  o^  ml";  "h''  ^'"''\'^^^-  '»  give  an  ac 

in  his  fam  Ty    .     iV-T'l'l''  ''"' r  ''''''' 
elect"     uLau.       ^  *™  "o^y  for  that  ne- 
glect.     He  said,  "  my  father  lives  with  me    »nW  u 
prays  in  the  family "    T  ««m    .,  *  """^ ''« 

more?"    He  said    'h,  '  T '"^   *'"'  ^'"'f 

,      f    •        ''^"^  P''«y«<^  twice  every  dav 

iZiz^j.  T "" "  •"'  ""■"«.  «"p,ii 

I     yuu  wiii  leel  it  aoram ;  come,  it  h 


139 

lime  to  go  into  meeting ;  you  must  pray  in  the  meet- 
ing to-day,  when  I  call  upon  you."  He  said,  "  I  am 
not  fit."  I  said,  "  I  cannot  help  that,  you  have  join- 
ed for  six  months,  and  you  have  promised  to  be  faith- 
ful." He  followed  me  in,  and  looked  very  sad. 
After  several  had  prayed,  T  called  on  him  to  prayx 
He  began,  and  his  prayer  was  almost  all  confession 
of  his  sins.  Like  the  publican,  he  cried,  **  God  be 
merciful  to  me  a  sinner."  All  his  muscles  and  fea- 
tures were  distorted — he  was  in  an  agony  ;  in  some 
of  his  ejaculations  he  bounded  on  his  kness  full  two 
inches  from  the  floor,  and  being  a  heavy  man,  he 
made  the  house  jar.  The  brethren  hearing  and  see- 
ing his  agony,  poured  out  their  prayers  in  strong 
cries  and  tears.  We  had  an  awful  solemn  time.  I 
thought  surely  the  damned  in  hell,  do  not  cry  more 
earnestly  for  water,  than  he  does  for  mercy  ;  and 
they  have  no  promise  of  obtaining  one  drop  ;  but  this 
poor  soul  has  a  promise  of  obtaining  mercy. 
And  so  it  was  ;  though  it  was  some  days  before  he 
had  the  witness  of  the  pardon  of  his  sins,  yet  he  was 
blessed  ;  and  then  he  came  forward  and  said,  "  now 
I  want  to  join  for  all  the  days  of  my  life."  And  he 
brought  a  number  with  him  to  join  for  six  months,  for 
he  supposed  that  was  the  way,  to  join  till  they  were 
converted.  But  with  some  labor,  I  convinced  them 
of  the  true  sense  of  joining.  This  mistaken  notion, 
however,  served  to  encourage  some  to  come  forward- 
and  inquire  what  ihey  should  do  to  be  saved,  and 
fourteen  experienced  religion  in  a  few  months. 
This  man  was  a  great  help  to  me.     Besides  many 


I 


> 


140 

presents  he  gave  me,  he  also  furnished  me  with  a 
horse  to  ride  the  first  year  and  a  half  of  my  travel- 
hng,  for  which  I  was  very  welcome  and  thankful. 

Many  were  the  difficulties  attending  my  setting  out 
to  travel.  All  my  brethren  were  unwilling  that  I 
should  leave  the  place.  They  therefore  opposed  me, 
and  all  my  neighbors   around  joined  to  oppose  me. 

Mr.  E ,  a  rich  farmer,  who  made  no  profession  o 

religion,  came  to  me,  and   said,  *'  I  think  you  ought 
not  to  travel  and  preach.     I  cannot  see  how  you  can 
support  your  family.     Your  discipline  says,  a  travel- 
hng  preacher  can  receive  only  so  much,  and  no  more, 
for  salary.     This  would  not  support  your  family! 
But  I  understand  the  collections  are  not  sufficient  to 
pay  half  that ;  and  I  do  not  see  how  you  can  keep 
the  covenant  you  made  with  your  wife  in  marriage  ; 
you  solemnly  promised  to  provide  for  her ;  and  the 
Scriptures  say,    *  He  that  provideth  not  for  his  own 
household,  hath  denied  the  faith,  and  is  worse  than 
an  infidel.'  "     I  replied,  <*  it  is  true,  the  provision  for 
the  supportof  a  Methodist  preacher,  is  small  at  best, 
and  very  uncertain ;  but  you  know,  any  labors  we 
engage  in,  in  this  world,  are  very  uncertain.     A  Paul 
may  plant,  and   Apollos  may  water,  and  none  but 
God  can  give  the  increase.     Now,  I  have  thought,  if 
I  am  called  to  preach,  as  I  think  I  am,  I  am  also  call- 
ed  to  travel ;  and  if  I  should  not  obey  God  in  this,  he 
^ would  curse  me,  soul  and  body;  and  if  he  should 
blast  my  grain,  and  fix  sickness  upon   me,  or  my 
family,  I  then  cannot  provide  for  my  household  ;  but 
if  1  travel,  and   suficr  for  his  glory,  I  can   trust  him 


141 


for  a  reward.  And  if,  in  reality,  I  find  he  does  call 
me,  I  then  can  provide  formy  family  according  to  the 
will  of  God  :  but  if  I  am  mistaken,  and  these  impres- 
sions are  not  from  God,  I  at  least  ought  to  obey  the 
precept  which  says,  '  try  the  spirits ;'  and  if  I  find 
upon  trial,  that  I  am  mistaken,  I  can  then  come  home 
and  be  content.  And  I  think  you  will  all  say  I  have 
been  sincere,"  He  said,  "  well,  I  have  no  more  to 
say.  1  cannot  say  those  impressions  you  speak  of  are 
notfrom  God." 

My  wife's  mother,  who  was  talkative  and  positive, 
frequently  visited  us,  but  was  very  shy  and  artful  to 
evade  a  serious  conversation  with  me  about  the  con- 
cern of  her  soul.  But  one  day  a  little  before  I  began 
to  travel,  she  came  to  see  us.  I  sat  down,  resolved 
to  hold  her  to  a  conversation  ;  I  said,  "mother,  I  want 
to  talk  with  you."  She  said,  "  yes,  child,  I  am  will- 
ing to  talk  with  you  about  any'ihing."  I  said,  "well^ 
mother,  why  don't  you  pray  to  God,  and  get  your 
soul  converted  ?"  She  said,  "  why,  I  can't  convert 
my  soul."  I  said,  **  well,  that  made  me  say,  why 
don't  you  pray  to  God,  and  get  him  to  convert  your 
soul  ?"  She  said,  "  ah  I  he'll  convert  my  soul  in 
his  own  due  time,  when  he  pleases."  I  said,  "  don't 
you  think  God  is  willing  to  convert  you  now  ?"  She 
said,  "No !  if  he  was  willing,  I  should  be  converted, 
for  he  is  able  to  do  it,  and   none  but   God  can."     I 

said,  "  mother,  I  called  to  see  the  Rev.  Mr.  L , 

yesterday,  and  had  a  long  conversation  with  him." 
She  said,  "  did  you  ?  well,  he  is  a  fine  man.  I  think 
he  is  one  of  the  finest  men  in  the  world.    If  any  roan 


\ 


142 

is  perfect,  I  think  he  is."  I  said,  "yes,  mother,  I 
think  so  too.  I  think  he  is  more  perfect  than  God  » 
She  sa.d,  -  oh  !  no  !    what  do  you  mean  ?     I  said. 

**  why,  mother,  don't  you  tliink  Mr.  L ^  is  willing* 

Ihat  all  the  souls  in  his  town  should  be  converted? 
And  if  he  had  power  to  convert  them,  don't  you  think 
he  would  convert  them  all  before  Saturday  night  ?" 
She  said,  "  yes,  I  uo."  I  said,  -  well  you  say  God 
has  power,  but  is  not  willing  ;  now  don't  you  think 

that  Mr.  L has  a  belter  disposition  towards  man- 

kind  than  God  has.     She  looked  with  surprise  ;  tears 
started  from  her  eyes,  and  she  said,  "  I  never  saw  it 
so   before."     My  wife   spoke  and  said,  -mother  I 
have  often  said  you  did  not  see  into  it.  nor  understand 
the  Methodist  doctrine  of  good  works,  nor  of  perfec- 
lion."    She  said,  "  why,  don't  you  hold  to  the  merit 
of  works  ?"     J  said,  "  no  ;  we  say,  *  not  by  the  merit 
of  works,  but  by  works  as  a  condition.'     The  Lord 
commands  us   to  ask  that  we  may  receive,  to  seek 
that  we  may  find,"  &c.     She    now  desired  to   read 
some  of  our  books.     I  gave  her  the  discipline,   con- 
laming  some  doctrinal  tracts.     Her  conviction   in- 
creased so,  that  she   shut  herself  up  in  her    room 
day  after  day  to  read  it,  and  to  read  the  Bible  and 
pray.     Now  all  her  weapons  of  opposition  were  ta- 
ken away  ;  she  sought  the  Lord,  and  I  trust  she  ex- 
perienced  the  converting  love  of  God  shed  abroad  in 
her  heart  by  the  Holy  Ghost.     She  aflerwarsd  join  • 
ed  the  Baptist  church  in  Pompey. 

While  one  opposer  after  another  .'were  turned  to  the 
Lord,  and  became  friendly  to  me,  they  joined   with 


143 

others  to  oppose  my  travelling  ;  but  all  iheir  solicita- 
tions to  abide  among  ihem,  did  not  weigh  so  heavy 
on  my  mind,  as  the  consideration  of  duly  to  provide 
for  my  family.     The  economy  of  the  Meihodists  left 
all  in  entire  uncertainly  respecting  the    support  of 
their  preachers.     The  utmost  thai  was  promised  was 
a  bare  supply  of  necessaries,  and  this  uncertain  ;  so 
that  I  must  reconcile  myself  to  be  poor  all  the  days 
of  my  life,  without  the  least  prospect  of  ever  obtain- 
ing the  conveniences  of  this  life.     I  asked    myself 
the  question,  "  is  it   pride  that  makes  me  loaihe  and 
abhor  a  life  of  beggary  ?"     Pride  is  a  vice,  not  a  vir- 
tue ;  and  it  appeared  to  me  this  loathing  I  felt  of  a 
beggarly  dependance,  was  not  sinful.     However,  this 
troubled  me  at  times  with  fear,  that  my  heart  was  not 
right  with    God,  until  I  was  taught  lo  see,  that  the 
words  pride  or  ainbition,  ought  to  be  used  in  a  quali- 
fied sense.     If  ambition  is  exercised  in  lawful  things, 
it  is  a  virtue.     If  unlawfully,  that  same  ambition  is 
pride, — a  vice.     We  make  ourselves  vicious  by  trans- 
gressing the  law  of  reciilude,  that  God  hath  ordained 
and  revealed   by  the   Gospel.     Ambition  is  one  pro- 
perty of  our  nature ;  and  there  is  nothing  wrong  in 
what  God   has  created.     Tlie  abuse  of  the  gifts  of 
God  corrupts  them  ;  therefore,  to  discharge  our  du- 
ties merely  to  be  seen  of  men,  and  lo  gain  the  praise 
and  honors  of  the    world,  is   hypocrisy  and    pride. 
But   lo  do  the   sanie   duties   with  a  single   inten- 
tion  lo  glorify  God   among  men,  is  pieiy  and  vir- 
tue.     But  my   ignorance   of  the   sciences— I  was 
not  acquainted  with  the  classics — I  was  no  critic  in 


-> 


144 


i 


any   language — all   conspired    to  dishearten   me. — 
However,  my  love  to  God,  his  word  and  his  people, 
and  ardent  desire  to  persuade  men  to  be  reconciled  to 
God  ;  all  conspired  to  encourage  me, — while  the  im- 
pression, "Wo  is  me  if  I  preach  not  the  Gospel," 
served  to  drive  me  to   the  conclusion,  that  necessity 
was  laid  upon  me.     My  dear  wife,  instead  of  desiring 
me  to  stay  at  home,  exhorted  me  to  trust  in  the  Lord» 
and  be  faithful  to  my  duty  ;  she  assured  me  that  no 
thing  could  induce  her  to  give  me  up,  to  leave  her  as 
I  must,  if  I  travelled,  but  a  conviction  that  I  was  call- 
ed of  God,  and  said,  "if  you  are  faithful  to  God,  he 
will  take  care  of  me  and  the  children."   Often  I  have 
heard  her  say,  "though  I  suffer  hardship  and  trials 
here,  because  my  husband  is  called  from  me,  my  soul 
rejoices  in  the  anticipation,  that  all  the  souls  convert- 
ed through  his  instrumentality,  will  be  as  stars  in  the 
crown  of  his  rejoicing  in  glory ;  and  if  I  am  faithful, 
I  shall   share    with  him,  and    have  some  stars    in 
my  crown." 

My  wife  was  no  hindrance  to  me,  but  suffered^as 
patiently  as  could  be  expected.  However  we  are  not 
to  expect  patience  that  never  finds  fault  with  any 
thing,  either  in  man  or  woman. 

Though  my  difficulties  were  many,  by  reason  of 
my  ignorance  and  poverty,  yet  I  left  all  and  went  on 
to  Pittsfield  circuit,  with  brother  Stebbins,  by  the  di 
rection  of  the  presiding  elder,  in  the  year  1797,  and 
travelled  with  him  until  sometime  in  June,  1798 ; 
then  I  went  to  Litchfield  circuit,  until  the  conference 
in  Granville,  September,  1798,  when  I  was  received 
by  the  conference,  and  appointed  to  Dutchess  circuit. 


145 


The  tiine  of  holding  the  annual  conference  in  Sep- 
tember, was  this  year  altered  to  May  or  June. 

On  Pittsfield  and  Litchfield  circuits,  I  was  kindly 
received  by  many  ;  but  deism  was  prevailing.  Mr. 
Thomas  Paine's  Age  of  Reason,  was  highly  thought 
of  by  many,  who  neither  knew  what  the  age  they 
lived  in,  or  reason  was.  Universalism  was  prevailing 
also  ;  but  all  agreed  to  prove  their  theories  by  the 
principles  of  fate,  and  smooth  a  life  of  sin.  Mr. 
Huntington  wrote  a  posthumous  piece  to  prove 
Universalism ;  he  entitled  it  Calvinism  Improved, 
In  this  improvement  he  only  had  to  dash  out  Repro- 
bation and  make  all  Elect ;  and  then  prove  that  God 
decreed  all  things  whatsoever  comes  to  pass.  By 
this  scheme,  all  were  elected ;  good,  bad,  and  indif- 
ferent. Mr.  Hopkins,  also  wrote  ingeniously  about 
1 790,  to  improve  Calyinism  ;  his  system  was  called 
New  Divinity t  for  a  while,  but  soon  changed  its 
name  to  Hopkinsianism.  He  held  that  God  moved, 
and  excited  men  to  do  that  which  is  sinful ;  and  that 
he  "put  sin  into  the  heart,  by  a  positive  creative  in-- 
Jluenre.^'  And  yet  he  held  that  men  had  a  natural 
abi/ity  to  love  and  serve  God ;  and  at  the  same  time 
a  moral  inability  to  love  and  serve  God.  He  taught 
that  Christ  died  for  all,  and  that  all  may  come,  and 
yet,  that  the  reprobates  never  can  come.  Finally, 
the  opinion  prevailed  among  many,  that  both  sides  of 
a  contradiction  was  true,  and  that  the  safest  way  was 
not  the  best  way,  nor  the  best  way,  the  right  way. 
The  marks  of  distinction  between  good  and  evil,  right 

7 


"  1 


146 

and   wrong,  Irulh  and  falsehood,  were  thrown   inlo 
confusion.      Deism  improved  this  nonsense,  to  ridi- 
cule all  religion,  and  make  il  a  phantasm.  The  Deii$ts 
would  have  embraced  Universalism  ;  but  the  Univer- 
salists  professed  to  receive  the  scripture  as  a  revela- 
tion from  God  ;  and  the  Deists  held  it  to  be  inconsist- 
ent with  common    sense  to  believe  that  the  Deiiy 
should  decree  whatsoever  comes  to  pass,  and   then 
give  the  scripture  as  a  revelation  of  his  will,  for  the 
government  of  his  creatures.     It  was  easy  to  prove 
that  the  one  contradicted  the  other.     God  had  said  to 
Adam,  "Of  all  the  trees  of  the  garden,  thou  mayest 
freely  eat,  but  of  the- tree  of  knowledge  of  good  and 
evil,  thou  mayest  not  eat ;  for  on  the  day  thou  eatest 
thereof,  thou  shalt  surely  die."  Now,  here  was  a  re- 
velation, that  God  was  not  willing  Adam  should  eat 
of  this  tree.  But  it  came  to  pass  that  he  did  eat  of  it. 
And  if  God  had  decreed  all  things  whatsoever  comes 
to  pass,  he   had  decreed  that  he  should  eat  of    it. 
Therefore,  the  revelation  that  he  should  not,  contra- 
dicted the  decree  that  he  should  eat.     And  as  reason- 
able men  would  not  profess  what  they  could  not  be- 
lieve, viz.  that  both  sides  of  a  contradiction  could  be 
true,  they  would  not  believe  the  revelations  made  by 
the  Scripture,  because  it  contradicted  their  favorite 
doctrine  of  fate.     Deism,  therefore,  may  be  a  rough 
improvement  of  Calvinism  ;  and  too  rough  to  be  al- 
lowed by  those   Calvinisls,  who  with    soft  sounding 
titles,  would  smooth  their  notions  of  what  honest  John 
Calvin  calls,  "an  horrible  decree." 

It  could  not  be  supposed,  that  so  weak  an  iijstfument 


147 

as  I  was,  could  make  any  great  impression  on  the 
minds  of  the  many  logicians,  (for  almost  all  professed 
a  smattering  in  logic.)  However,  the  Lord  was  pleas- 
ed to  own  my  weak  labors  and  make  them  instrumen- 
tal in  the  conversion  of  many.    1  think  more  than  one 
hundred  were  awakened  on  these  two  circuits.     But 
some  joined  the  Presbyterians,  and  some  the  Baptists, 
and  some  the  Methodists.     The  work  of  God  in  con- 
victing, and  converting,  and' sanctifying  souls,  was 
very  evident.     Persecution  raged  some  on  Litchfield 
circuit.     The  work  of  God  was  manifested  in  power, 
—sometimes  they  fell  as  one  shot  down  in  battle,  and 
would  lay  without  strength  from  half  an  hour,  to  two 
hours,  when  they  would  arise  happy  in  God.     Our 
Presbyterian  brethren  and  others,  were  afraid  it  was 
a  delusion.     We  prayed  that  the  same  power  might 
be  among  them  ;  and  in  one  town,  some  were  power- 
fully wrought  upon.     One  young  woman  fell  in  their 
meeting,  and  they  carried  her  out  to  a  private  house 
near  by,  and  sent  for  a  doctor.     He  said  he  could  not 
rightly  tell  what  was  the  matter,  but  he  thought  it 
best  to  bleed  her;  and  while  cording  her  arm,  she 
came  loo  so  as  to  speak,  and  cried  out,  "nothing  but 
the  blood  of  Christ  can  do  me  any  good."  This  made 
them  give  over  bleeding  her;  and  many  were  less 
prejudiced  against  the  Methodists.  Many  cases  simi- 
lar to  this  occurred  in  different  places.     And  a  revival 
of  religion,  having  those  extraordinary  signs  attending 
it,  was  highly  necessary  to  confound  dead  formality. 
Some  conversions  were  extraordinary.     In  one  place 
I  preached  in  a  private  house,  where  the  man  and  his 


!• 


1 48 

wife  and  one  neighbor,  made  all  the  congregation. 
Tlie  man  and  his  wife  professed  religion,  but  their 
neighbor  did  not.  However,  before  I  came  again  in 
four  weeks,  that  person  was  converted,  and  had  re- 
ported around, by  what  means  this  work  was  wrought; 
so  that  thereby  many  others  came  out,  and  I  had  about 
seventy  to  preach  to,  instead  of  three  ;  and  before 
long,  many  could  testify  that  God  for  Christ's  sake, 
had  made  that  preaching,  which  some  call  foolishness, 
the  happy  power  of  salvation  to  their  souls. 

After  the  conference,  I  went  to  Dutchess  circuit,  to 
travel  with  brother  J.  R.  He  appeared  to  be  a  softly 
colleague,  but  a  prudent,  careful  man.  I  thought  he 
was  a  little  afraid  of  the  power  of  God.  But  on  far- 
ther acquaintance,  I  found  he  had  not  been  endued 
with  much  energy  of  spirit,  and  his  bashfulness  was 
a  let  to  him.  However,  we  travelled  in  good  harmo- 
ny ;  and  some  few  souls  I  trust  were  converted.  We 
thought  about  eighty  were  brought  from  the  power  of 
sin  and  satan  to  God. 

At  the  conference,  in  May  or  June  1799, 1  was  ap- 
pointed to  Cambridge  circuit,  with  my  old  colleague 
J.  R.  To  remove  my  family  from  Dutchess  county, 
one  hundred,  or  one  hundred  and  fifty  miles,  among 
entire  strangers,  and  without  money  to  support  them, 
was  a  serious  business  for  me.  I  had  lived  in  Chn- 
tontown,  in  brother  Lyon's  neighborhood ;  and,  had 
received  eighty-four  dollars  of  collection,  for  the  past 
nine  months  ;  and  for  the  twenty  months  past,  I  had 
received  only  one  hundred  and  thirty-three  dollars.  In 
those  days,  we  gave  an  account  for  all  presents,  and 


149 

one  hundred  and  thirty-three  dollars,  ^^f  f  \^^^ 
received,  so  that  I  was  short  of  money.      The  little  i 
had  of  my  own  property,  was  nearly  all  gone,  and  1 
had  not  enough  to  pay  my  expenses  for  moving  with 
the  most  rigid  economy.     To  look  forward,  gloomy 
clouds  hung  over  my  prospects.     I  had  nioved  but  a 
little  before,  from  Washington,  on  Granville  circuit 
state  of  Massachusetts.  And  now  again,  to  some  part 
of  Cambridge  circuit,  I  knew  not  where,  was  a  sen- 
ous  business,  for  one  without  funds.     I  looked  at  my 
call  to  this  work,  to  be  of  God.  And  I  said  in  my  hear  , 
and  to  my  dear  wife,  to  God  I  will  look  for  support 
My  wife  encouraged  me  to  suffer  with  patience.  She 
often  said,  -if  we  can  do  our  duty  to  God  here,  and 
be  a  means  of  saving  some  souls,  and  get  to  heaven 
at  last,  all  our  sufferings  will  work  together  for  ou 
good."     Ah  !  thought  I,  you  are  a  dear  soul ;  what 
husband  would  not  want  to  live  at  home,  and  enjoy 
te  society  of  such  a  wife.     But  the  ^^rd  caU^^^^^^ 
leave  wife  and  children,-and  for  his  sake  I  give  all 

"^i  went  to  Rhinebeck  to  see  Bishop  Asbtjry  and  it 
was  refreshing  to  my  soul,  to  have  the  counsel  of  the 
fathers  in  Israel.  The  Bishop  several  times  a^^^^^^^^ 
^e  if  I  was  well ;  and  others  present,  gave  it  as  theu^ 
opinion,  that  I  did  not  look  well.  I  said,  ''yes  I  am 
Z\\ "  The  Bishop  then  asked  if  my  appointment 
ri  me,  I  said,  ''yes  .."-but  the  truth  was,  the  dif- 
Lulties  of  moving  my  family,' without  money  to  de- 
fray the  expenses,  was  my  trouble, 
i  left  my  family  in  Dutchess  county,  until  I  should 


150 

go  to  my  circuit,  and  find  a  place  to  which  I  might 
move  them.  When  I  arrived  at  Piltstovvn,  I  inquired 
for  some  place  to  accommodate  my  family ;  but  there 
was  no  house  to  be  hired.     The  brethren  proposed  to 
throw  up  a  log-house  for  me,  which  was  the  best  they 
could  furnish,  if  I  could  not  get  a  better  at  Ashgrove. 
So  I  rode  on  from  one  appointment  to  another,  preach- 
ing in  every  place,  and  inquiring  for  a  house  to  put 
my  family  in,  but  could  find  none.     I  came  to  Ash- 
grove, and  coiuld  find  none  there.  I  then  sent  to  Pitts- 
town,  desiring  the  brethren  to  build  me  a  log-house; 
but  when  I  came  around  the  circuit  they  had  done  no- 
thing about  it ;  but  they  expressed  a  desire  to  accom- 
modate me.     I  then  concluded  to  return  to  Dutc{iess 
county,  and  sent  my  goods  on  to  Troy  by  water,  and 
take  my  wife  and  children,  of  which  we  had  three, 
John,  William,  and  Wesley,  and  go  to  her  father's 
in  Berkshire  county,  Massachusetts,  and  leave  them 
for  a  visit,  until    my  log-house    was  fit  to  live  in, 
which  we  supposed  would  be  in  six  weeks.  So  I  went 
on  having  had  good  meetings.     I  arrived  at  Dutchess 
— found  my  family  well,  and  some  converted  in  dif- 
ferent places  on  the  circuit,  while  I  was  gone  ;  these 
were  some  with  whom  I  had  covenanted  to  pray  for 
them  once  a  day,  before  I  left  them.     And  the  few 
days  I  spent   on  Dutchess  circuit  before  I  moved, 
were  in  rejoicing  with  those  that  rejoice.     The  con- 
version of  one,  was  a  little  singular.     Having  made 
a  covenant  with  her  and   some  others,  to  pray  for 
them  at  the  going  down  of  the  sun,  and  they  also 
were  to  retire  in  secret,  and  pray  for  themselves.     It 


was  90  one  day,  while  I  was  gone,  that  I  had  to 
preach  in  Alington.  in  Vermont,  at  so  late  an  hour  of 
the  day,  that  I  was  about  half  through  my  discourse 
at  the  going  down  of  the  sun ;  when  a  concern  for 
those  I  had  covenanted  with,  impressed  my  mmd  with 
peculiar  weight.    I  stopped  and  informed  the  congre- 
gation of  the  obligations  I  was  under,  to  pray  for  some 
souls  under  concern  on   Dutchess  circuit   whefe  I 
travelled  last  year  ;  and  as  I  could  not  well  retire  for 
prayers,  I  would  beg  the  indulgence  of  the  congre- 
oalion  about   ten  minutes,  while    I   kneeled    down 
and  prayed   for   them-      I  then  kneeled  down  and 
prayed,  and  the  power  of  God  came  upon  me,  and  a  I 
present,  so  that  we  were  greatly  afifected-many  were 
in  tears.  I  had  the  witness  that  1  was  heard  in  heaven, 
and  that  some  were  converted.    My  mind  centered 
on  this  one ;  and  when  I  was  informed  by  the  parents 
of  the  blessing  Eunice  had  obtained,  and  the  time 
when.  I  was  joyfully  surprised,  that  it  happened  pre- 
cisely at  the  time  I  detained  the  congregation  to  pray 
for  her.    It  may  seem  a  little  odd,  that  a  preacher 
should  stop  in  the  middle  of  a  sermon  to  pray  for 
some  persons  by  name.     But  1  believe  signal  good 
was  done ;  for  our  religious  devotion  was  enlivened, 
and  our  hearts  were  warmed  with  an  increase  of  love 
to  God,  and  his  cause,  by  this  means. 

After  sending  my  household  goods  on  board  a  sloop 
bound  to  Lansingburgh,  I  took  my  w.fe  and  children 
to  her  father's  in  Hinsdale,  and  left  them  while  I 
could  go  around  the  circuit,  and  give  tune  to  finish 
my  log-house.    But  when  I  came  to  Pittstown,  I 


'« 


i 


I 


152 


« , 


found  the  brethren  had  given  up  the  plan  of  building 
me  a  log-house,  so  my  goods  were  in  one  place,  and 
my  family  in  another,  and  I  had  not  a  house  to  put 
them  in.  Well,  thought  I,  the  foxes  have  holes,  and 
the  birds  of  the  air  have  nests  ;  but  I  have  not  even 
a  log-house.  I  am  now  tasting  of  my  Master's  fare. 
He^sufTered  this  for  the  good  of  souls,  and  O  what  an 
honor  that  I  may  suffer  a  little  with  my  Master.  So 
I  went  on  cheerful,  trusting  in  the  Lord.  Wc  had 
refreshing  seasons  ;  many  were  awakened,  and,  I 
trust,  converted.  I  met  my  colleague,  and  informed 
him  that  I  could  get  no  house  on  the  circuit  to  put  my 
family  in.  He  groaned  ;  and  to  my  surprise  inform- 
ed me,  that  he  was  discouraged.  He  owed  some  for 
his  horse,  and  he  appeared  scared  at  poverty.  I  tried 
to  encourage  him  ;  he  had  no  wife  and  family  to  pro- 
vide for,  and  with  prudent  care  he  could  pay  his 
debts.  But  all  in  vain,  though  I  offered  to  give  him 
ten  dollars,  he  was  resolved  to  go  home  to  New  Jer- 
sey, and  go  into  business  to  pay  his  debts  like  an  hon- 
est man.  This  was  a  heavy  trial  to  me,  to  leave  the 
charge  of  the  circuit  upon  me,  and  I  had  no  house  for 
my  family. 

Our  circuit  at  that  time,  was  five  hundred  miles 
around  it,  and  for  me  to  preach  as  I  did  sixty-three 
sermons  in  four  weeks,  and  travel  five  hundred  miles, 
was  too  hard.  But  I  cried  unto  the  Lord  and  he  heard 
me  ;  for  as  my  day  was,  so  was  my  strength.  J  had 
an  impression  that  if  I  sent  to  a  place  then  called 
Bethlehem,  near  Greenbush,  I  could  find  a  house  to 
put  my  family  in ;  among  some  people  I  had  got  ac- 


\k 


i 


153 

q,,ai.ucd  with  when  I  travelled  PiUsfield  circuit.     I 
iherefore  desired  brother  R.  to  go  there  for  me  on  his 
way  home.  And  my  faith  was  so  strong,  that  I  should 
at  least  get  a  log-house  to  live  in,  among  that  poor 
and  loving  people,  that  I  wrote  to  one  I  knew  to  pro- 
vide for  me  there,  and  make  ready  to  bring  my  goods 
by  the  day  I  set  to  move  my  family.     And  so  it  was 
bro.  R.   on  leaving  the  circuit,  performed  this  good 
work  for  me ;  and  I  was  able  to  attend  all  my  appo.nt- 
.nents.  and  move  my  family  on  my  ^^^^  week  with  n 
forty-five  miles  of  Ashgrove,  from  which  I  had  to 
ride  to  visit  them  on  my  rest  week.     Our  c.rcu.t  had 
been  a  six  weeks  circuit  before  bro.  R.  left  us,  and 
we  had  taken  bro.  Hb.rv  Rvx.,  for  the  third  preach- 
er     But  now  to  supply  sixty-three  appointments  in 
our  weeks,  and  rid;  five  hundred  miles,  was  too 
„,ucb  ;  we  therefore  gave  off  some  to  another  preach- 
I.     But  my  ride  was  more  than  five  hundred  m.ks 
in  four  weeks  if  1  visited  my  family,  which  I  did 
illly.  and  we  had  a  little  log-house,  among  a  lov- 
ine  people,  in   Bethlehem.     When   I   v^as   first  ac 
n,famted  with  this  class  about  a  year  oefore,  there 
r  0  iv  ei^ht  members.    We  lived  with  them  two 
vears  1  when  we  moved  away,  the  number  in  class 
was  eighty-four  :  so  mighty  was  the  work  of  God  m 

''on'Smbridge  circuit,  the  Lord  wrought  wonders^ 
About  three  hundred,  I  believe,  were  awakened  and 
^'nverted,  though  th.  nett  increase  was  "ot  qm-w 
hundred,  for  many  moved  away,  and  some  died, 


154 

ihat  to  supply  those  vacancies,  would  require  liic  full 
number  of  three  hundred,  to  give  us  what  increase  we 
had.  Brother  Ryan  was  in  good  health  and  high 
spirits,  for  this  great  work.  The  persecution  in 
Thurman's  Patent  where  we  had  lived,  was  truly 
grievous.  Many  young  people  that  experienced  re- 
ligion, were  turned  out  of  doors  by  their  parents. 
Some  of  them  were  whipped  cruelly  :  two  young  wo- 
men were  so  whipped  by  their  father,  that  the  blood 
run  down  from  their  backs  to  their  feet,  and  he  then 
turned  them  out  of  doors,  and  they  walked  fifteen 
miles  to  a  Methodist  society.  When  they  recovered 
of  their  wounds,  some  of  our  sisters  informed  me  thai 
they  had  many  scars,  some  five  inches  long.  Their 
two  young  brothers,  one|  fourteen,  and  the  other 
twelve  years  old,  had  both  experienced  religion 
through  the  instrumentality  of  the  Methodists.  Their 
father  forbade  their  going  to  the  Methodist  meeting, 
they  entreated  him  to  let  them  go,  but  he  was  inflex- 
ible ;  he  was  a  member  of  the  kirk  of  Scotland  ;  and 
said  he  became  bound  by  an  oath  in  their  baptism, 
to  bring  them  up  Presbyterians.  Therefore,  he  for- 
bade them  the  privilege  of  the  Methodist  meetings  ; 
however,  they  came  to  our  meetings,  and  he  then 
whipped  them  severely,  for  what  he  called  disobedi- 
ence. They  afterward  came  privately,  ere  long  he 
found  it  out,  and  he  whipped  them  again.  They  con- 
trived every  means  to  get  to  meeting,  and  received 
many  whippings  :  until  at  last,  they  concluded  that 
as  all  their  secret  plans  were  found  out,  they  would 
go  openly  to  hear  preaching  at  stated  hour?.     They 


155 

had  only  attended  prayer  meetings  for  some  lime  be- 
fore, where  their  oldest  brother  officiated  as  leader, 
sometimes  at  his  own  house,  and  sometimes  in  the 
woods  to  accommodate  them.  But  one  day  as  I  rode 
past  their  father's  house  to  go  to  my  appointment  at 
their  elder  brother's,  they  asked  me  what  time  meet- 
ing would  commence  ;  I  told  them ;  and  asked  thera 
if  they  thought  to  come, — they  said  "yes ;"  I  said 
**will  not  your  father  whip  you ?"  they  said,  "yes; 
but  we  think  we  will  take  another  whipping,  we  want 
to  go  to  meeting  so  much."  I  dared  not  advise  them 
to  go,  for  fear  I  should  seem  to  countenance  a  diso- 
bedience to  parents — and  I  dared  not  advise  them  not 
to  go,  lest  I  should  be  found  fighting  against  God : 
but  I  prayed  for  them  heartily,  and  said,  "let  the 
Lord  do  what  seemeth  him  good."  I  exhorted  them 
10  be  faithful,  to  live  humble  and  lovingly,  and  serve 
the  Lord  in  spirit  and  in  truth. 

They  came  to  meeting,  and  a  most  melting,  pow- 
erful time  we  had.  The  Lord  made  bare  his  arm. 
Some  mourning  souls  were  made  to  rejoice,  and  to 
own  the  Lord  Jesus  as  their  Saviour  from  sin.  The 
two  boys  were  very  happy.  I  was  affected  after 
prayer,  to  hear  one  of  them  break  out  in  prayer  with 
streaming  eyes.  He  began  with  expressions  of  grati- 
tude in  these  words  :  "I  thank  thee,  O  Lord,  that  I 
am  permitted  to  meet  once  more  with  thy  children." 
Seeing  him  in  tears,  and  hearing  this  hearty  thanks- 
giving, affected  me  exceedingly.  How  thankful  this 
child  is  for  this  privilege,  though  he  knows  he  must 
be  whipt  for  it.    How  many  children  would  please 


156 

their  parents,  if  ihey  would  solemnly  attend  ilie  wor- 
ship  of  God.  But  alas  !  they  are  strangers  to  ihe 
blood  that  bought  their  pardon  on  the  tree.  O  did  the 
people  know  the  pardoning  love  of  God,  it  would  be 
more  than  their  meat  and  drink,  to  worship  and  bow 
down,  and  kneel  before  the  Lord  their  Maker.  But 
ignorance  of  God  and  religion  is  the  great  evil  pre- 
vailing in  the  world.     How  shall  I  proclaim  : 

"  Jesns  the  name  high  over  all, 

In  hell  or  earth  or  sky  : 
Angels  and  men  before  it  fall, 

And  devils  fear  and  fly/' 

It  astonished  me  that  a  father  of  ten  children,  eight 
of  whom  had  experienced  religion,  should  drive  six 
from  his  house,  and  whip  these  two  boys,  for  no  other 
crime  in  reality,  than  because  they  worshipped  God 
with  the  Methodists.  Is  it  possible,  that  Scotch  Pres- 
byterians possess  so  much  prejudice  ?  And  they  who 
pleaded  the  rights  of  conscience  in  Puritanical  days, 
should  now  deny  that  right  to  others  ?     I  was  inform- 
ed  that  this  man  attended  the  Methodist  meeiinjr  at 
first,  and  pronounced  the  work  to  be  of  God,  rejoiced 
also  in  the  conversion  of  his  children,  until  the  JWe- 
thodists  formed  a  class,  and  then  he  turned  his  tune. 
I  was  in  hopes  the  Lord  would  deliver  these  dear 
boys  from  a  cruel  and  unnatural  persecution ;  but  I 
was  informed  before  I  came  around  my  circuit  again, 
that  he  had  whipped  them  severely.     I   thought  it 
my  duty  to  call  and  see  their  father,  and  if  possible 
persuade  the  old  man  to  allow  his  children  to  come 
to  meeting.     Bat  when  I  entered  hU  house,  it  being 


. 


157 

a  cold  day,  I  drew  near  the  fire  and  sat  down.  He 
was  walking  the  room  with  a  great  staff.  He  said, 
*'I  don't  know  you,  sir."  I  fold  him  my  name,  and 
said,  *'I  am  the  Methodist  preacher  that  travels  on 
this  circuit."  He  said,  "I  don't  want  a  Methodist 
preacher  to  come  into  my  house."  I  said,  "O  Mr.  C., 
I  have  not  come  in  to  injure  you,  but  being  cold  in 
riding  so  far,  I  came  in  to  see  you  in  a  friendly  way, 
and  warm  my  feet  by  your  fire."  Then  I  hitched  up 
towards  the  fire.  But  he  brought  his  great  staff  part- 
ly over  my  head  and  struck  a  violent  blow  on  the 
floor  by  my  side,  saying  angrily,  "I  don't  want  a  Me- 
thodist  preacher  to  come  into  my  house."  I  looked 
around  upon  him  and  said,  "Mr.  C.  I  have  not  come 
in  to  quarrel  with  you  ;  but  to  talk  with  you  in  a 
friendly  way,  and  warm  my  feet  hy  your  fire."  He 
flourished  his  staff  like  one  in  a  rage  and  brought  it 
down  by  my  side  and  said,  "I  say,  I  don't  want  a 
Methodist  preacher  to  com.e  into  my  house."  I  look- 
ed up  and  said,  *'Why,  Mr.  C,  I  am  not  your  enemy, 
and  if  I  was,  as  you  are  a  Christian,  you  ought  to 
let  me  warm  my  feet  by  your  fire,  as  the  Scripture 
saith— *if  thine  enemy  hunger  feed  him,  and  if  he 
thirst  give  him  drink;'  but  I  am  not  your  enemy,  I 
am  your  friend,  sir."  He  said,  "You  Methodists  are 
an  ignorant  set  of  men,  going  about  deceiving  the 
people."  I  said,  "No,  no,  Mr.  C,  you  are  mistaken, 
the  Methodists  are  not  an  ignorant  people,  some  of 
them  are  the  most  learned  men  in  the  world,  and  they 
are  a  harmless  people,  that  fear  God,  and  work  right- 
eousness."   He  said,  "You  deny  our  Catechism."    I 


158 

said,  "Not  all  of  it,  sir;  we  believe  some  of  it  ; 
we  believe  that  the  *Chief  end  of  man,  is  to  glorify 
God  and  enjoy  him  for  ever :'  and  we  believe  the 
*benefits  flowing  from  justification,  adoption,  and  sanc- 
tification,  are  assurances  of  God's  love ;  insomuch 
that  we  know  we  are  born  of  God  :'  but  we  don't  be- 
lieve, "that  God  for  his  own  glory,  hath  fore  ordained 
whatsoever  comes  to  pass."  "Well,"  said  he,  "it  is 
because  you  are  ignorant.  Did  you  ever  read  our 
great  Catechism  ?"  "I  said,  "Yes,  sir,  I  have  read 
the  great  Catechism,  and  the  little  Catechism  too ; 
but  I  cannot  believe  that  God  has  fore  ordained  every 
thing  that  comes  to  pass.  He  said,  "Well,  it  is  be- 
cause you  are  ignorant."  I  said,  "Why,  Mr,  C,  do 
you  believe  that  God  has  decreed  every  thing  that 
comes  to  pass  ?"  He  said,  "Yes,  I  do ;  and  if  you 
were  not  ignorant,  you  would  believe  it  too."  ^^.  said, 
"Well,  it  has  come  to  pass,  that  the  Methodists  have 
come  into  this  place  to  preach,  and  many  have  been 
converted,  and  why  do  you  oppose  them,  for  God  has 
decreed  it  ?"  He  said  passionately,  "No,  God  has 
not  decreed  that  neither."  I  said,  "Well,  then  some- 
thing has  come  to  pass,  that  God  did  not  decree." 
He  then  brought  his  cane  down  with  violence  close 
by  me,  and  said,  "I  say,  I  don't  want  a  Methodist 
preacher  to  come  into  my  house,  and  don't  you  ever 
come  into  my  house  again."  I  looked  up  and  said, 
"O,  Mr.  C,  I  cannot  promise  that,  for  if  I  am  riding 
past  your  house  this  cold  weather,  and  my  feet  should 
be  cold,  I  shall  want  to  call  in,  and  warm  them  by 
your  fire  ;  and  as  you  profess  religion,  you  would  not 


' 


159 

refuse  me  that  privilege."     He  flourished  his  cane 
about  in  a  great  passion.     I  expecled  he  would  give 
me  a  thump  ou  the  head.     I  thought  it  best  to  take 
it  patiently.  I  sat  composed  and  happy  in  mind,  while 
I  warmed  myself.     After   wliich  I  arose,  and  said, 
"Mr.  C,  I  am  about  to  go,  and  must  bid  you  farewell. 
It  may  be,  sir,  that  our  next  meeting  will  be  at  the 
bar  of  God,  where  you  must  meet  me,  and  there  you 
must  give  account  to  God  for  what  you  have  done  ; 
and  I  also,  must  give  account  for  what  I  have  done. 
If  I  am  one  of  the  least  of  Christ's  children,  how  can 
you  bear  to  hear  the  Judge  say,  1  was  a  stranger, 
and  ye  took  me   not  in.'     I  hope,  my  dear  sir,  that 
God  will  forgive  you,  for  you  know  not  what  you  are 
doing."     After    this    the    boys    came   to    meeting* 
and    before    meeting  commenced,    they    came    to 
me  all  in  tears  and  cried  out,  "0  brother,  don't  curse 
father ;    don't   curse   him,  but   pray    for    him."     I 
said,    "No,    my   dear  children,  I  must   not  curse 
liim — the     Gospel     says,   *bless     and    curse    not,' 
'vengeance  is  mine,'  sailh  the  Lord,  1  will  repay.'" 
The  older  brothers  informed  me  that  they  with  their 
sisters,  had  agreed  to  set  apart  the  next  Thursday  for 
fasting  and  prayer  for  their  father,  and  they  desired 
me  to  join  them  in  it;  and  they  would  go  to  their  fa- 
ther's house,  <it  the  hour  of  two  o'clock,  all  in  a  body 
to  entreat  him  to  consider  his  ways,  and  cease  from 
persecuting  the  Methodists.     And  though  I  might  be 
many  miles  from  them  on  that  day,  yet  that  I  would 
retire  in  secret  at  the  hour  they  visited  him,  and  pray 
for  them  and  for  him.    We  did  so  ;  and  they  were 


*.l 


ft 


160 


faitlifiil.  With  licarts  all  engaged  in  prayer  forlhcir  fa- 
ther they  entered  his  house,  and  in  the  most  affection- 
ate manner  made  known  to  him  iheir  lender  regard 
for  his  precious  soul.  The  power  of  God  rested  on 
them,  insomuch  that  the  old  man  was  not  able  to 
answer  ihem.  But  it  seems  he  was  determined  to 
resist  to  the  last,  and  his  passion  rose  so  high,  that 
he  throwed  himself  upon  the  bed  and  made  a  howl- 
ing noise,  while  they  prayed.  When  they  found 
ihey  could  not  obtain  an  impartial  hearing,  ihey  left 
him  on  his  bed,  and  the  poor  old  man  could  not 
arise  from  it.  Something  rendered  him  helpless,  in- 
somuch that  he  was  not  able  to  whip  his  boys  any 
more  for  worshipping  God.  He  lived  in  this  help- 
less stale,  eight  years  afterwards.  I  never  could  learn 
from  any  one  what  his  disorder  was. 

From  this  time,  the  persecution  began  to  cease 
in  this  part  of  the  circuit ;  but  if  it  declined  in  one 
place,  il  would  increase  in  another  ;  for  wherever  the 
Lord  poured  out  his  Spirit,  there  Satan  would  rage, 

until   he   was  overpowered    hy  faith  and  prayer. 

Several  instances  of  cruel  persecution  might  be  re- 
corded. But  what  of  some  little  scourging  and 
contemptuous  sneers !  The  best  of  all  was,  God 
was  with  us,  and  enabled  us  to  endure  it. 


CHAPTER  Vm. 

We  had  some  extraordinary  cases  of  the  power  of 
God  ;  many  in  our  meetings  fell  as  if  slain  in  battle; 
Some  old  professors  experienced  the  sanctifying  in- 
fluence of  the  Holy  Spirit,  and  were  enabled  to  re- 
joice evermore  and  pray  without  ceasing. 

One  extraordinary  instance  of  the  power  of  God, 
occurred  in  Welch  Hollow,  above  Fort  Ann.  It  was 
at  brother  Wood's,  ihe  class-leader.  After  preaching 
three  times  that  day,  and  having  travelled  about  twen- 
ty miles,  I  went  with  sister  W.  to  see  her  husband, 
who  lay  sick  with  the  lake-fever,  so  called  ;  and  to 
hold  a  prayer  meeting  at  his  house.  I  found  him  in 
a  high  fever.  His  doctor  was  there.  I  asked  if  it 
would  injure  his  patient  to  have  a  prayer  meeting  in 
his  room.  He  said,  "no,  he  thought  not."  I  had 
learned-that  only  one  male  member  of  society  would 
attend.  I  asked  sister  W.  and  sister  Rachel,  a 
young  woman  that  lived  there,  if  they  would  pray 
when  I  called  upon  them.  They  said,  yes.  I  said, 
"then  I  hope  we  shall  have  a  profitable  meeting,  with- 
out my  having  occasion  to  do  any  more  than  to  open 
and  close  the  meeting,  as  I  was  already  wearied  with 
the  labors  of  the  day."     But  when   I   commenced 


t 


HHE 


i 


162 

meeting,  there  was  a  black  cloud  arisin.  out  of  the 

Z'  Tfl  n"'  ^''"^P  ''■^'""'■"^'  «-i  l.ea  ;  .  t 
I  called  on  IleT     '"'  ''"^^'''  '"'^  ^''^  ''-»'"  «'    - 
uuwn  10  Close  Uie   meeiina  by  praver      Tim 
under  and  rain  .ade  it  very  awfuUut  of  J  ors  I!d 
ti.e  cloud  was  then  about  over  our  heads      I  fll', 

w  SedTr-"'  '-r  ^-  p'-'"- "tI 

nerce  fo.ked  lightning  and  tremendous  thunder  at  a 

^'Sv  tTS'^'r,";;''^  '-^  ^^^^^^^-^^^ 

ni.ghl.Iy  to  God  ,n  behalf  of  poor  sinners.    And  when 
I  expressed  myself  in  these  words,  "O  ^.1^.^ 
conv,ct,on  to  the  sinner's  heart."  that  instant  ielii. 
r^:,      u"'"'"'  °f  fire,  flashed,  and  an  awfu  c lao  of 
t  under  shook  the  house.  I  cried  out.  "Glory  o7od 
glory  t„  the  highest !    ,0  Lord,  thunder  conv  ctionio 
every  sinner's  heart !"    Then  instantly  anothe    clap 
of  thunder  shook  the  house  more  than  L  fi  st      Mv 
oul  was  happy  beyond  description.     After  prayer 
I  found  the  candle  had  gone  out -I  «,  u  '^^    ' 

'he  wall.  One  lighted  uDthp)-  T.^'^""" 
cup  of  water  ifool  1  ^  "'7«"<^'«>  ^"other  got  a 
matter  !wi  „  ,  "'''''. '^"""'I  '«  ^^e  what  was  the 
Z.         .f        '''°  '"''''  '^y  ««  dead  upon  the 

He  said      Don  t  be  frightened,  this  is  the  power  of 
God ;  glory  to  God.  I  am  healed."     At  this  Iff, 
alarmed-surely,  thought  I.  he  is   out  of  his  head 
Bu  my  fe      were  soon  calmed,  forhe  said.  "Le't 

S  and  fi  1  '"""   ^"'^  f'^y^"  -"h  the 

To.ce  and  fervency  of  a  man  in  health.    While  he 

was  at  prayer,  his  wife  arose,  and  after  he  had  done! 


163 

she  prayed.  Bui  Rachel  did  not  arise,  she  lay  from 
half  past  eight,  until  eleven,  before  all  the  people  went 
away.  I  thought  it  was  nothing  nnore  than  a  power- 
ful operation  of  Divine  grace.  So  I  desired  the 
class-leader  to  lay  down,  for  I  was  afraid  his  disor- 
der would  return  upon  him  the  next  day,  worse  than 
ever.  But  he  said,  "No,  the  Lord  has  healed  me." 
Then  I  advised  sister  W.  to  make  a  bed  on  the  floor 
for  herself  and  Rachel,  and  she  and  her  son  and 
daughter  could  watch  with  Rachel,  while  brother 
W.  and  I  lay  down  to  take  some  sleep ;  for  I  was 
afraid  brother  W.  would  be  worse  the  next  day.  So 
they  complied  with  this  advice;  and  when  I  lay  down, 
I  said  to  sister  W.,  "If  Rachel  don't  breathe  again 
in  fifteen  minutes,  you  must  awake  me."  In  about  an 
half  hour  sister  W,  awaked  us  and  said,  "Rachel  is 
dead."  I  started  up,  and  felt  for  her  pulse,  but  found 
she  had  none.  I  perceived  she  had  no  symptoms  of 
life,  her  eyes  and  jaws  were  set,  and  her  head,  neck, 
and  arms,  were  cold.  Sister  W.  said  mournfully, 
"She  is- dead."  I  said,  "You  must  not  say  so  ;  but 
pray  to  the  Lord."  I  ordered  her  to  pull  off  her  shoes 
and  stockings,  she  did  so,  and  I  perceived  her  feet 
were  swollen.  I  concluded  from  this  symptom,  that 
^  het  complaint  was  natural.  But  as  it  had  been  said 
to  be  the  power  of  God,  and  the  people  that  were 
gone,  had  all  witnessed  that  she  lay  as  dead,  I  con- 
cluded that  if  she  should  be  dead,  the  cause  of  reli- 
gion would  be  reproached.  I  cried  unto  the  Lord 
with  all  my  heart;  and  said  to  brother  and  sister  W., 
we  must  raise  her  up  and  rub  her  limbs  and  neck 


%'**j-2ar.8- 


Jitoadt^^a^^^Vl- 


_*.-  -,.'a«-«^'4.ii„j 


I. 


I 

11 


164 

with  flannel  cloths  until  the  blood  circulates.  Brother 
W.  and  his  son,  look  each  an  arm,  sister  W.  and  her 
daughter  rubbed  her  ancles  and  feet,  I  rubbed  her 
neck  and  jaws  until  I  could  open  them,  so  as  to  blow 
down  her  throat  to  inflate  her  lungs.  The  first  at- 
tennpt  failed.  Sister  W.  said,  "It  is  in  vain,  she  is 
dead."  I  said,  "don't  say  so,  but  rub^way,  and  pray 
to  the  Lord."  I  should  judge  we  had  continued  rub- 
bing  full  two  hours,  before  I  attempted  to  blow  down 
her  throat  the  second  time,  when  I  succeeded  to  in- 
flate her  lungs ;  and  she  gave  the  firit  symptom  of 
returning  life,  and  in  about  twenty  minutes  she  spake 
and  said,  "0  why  have  1  come  back  again  ?"  I  for- 
bid her  speaking  again,  and  ordered  her  some  drink. 
We  then  perceived  day-light  in  the  east ;  we  had  all 
worked  hard.  T  was  in  a  violent  perspiration,  but  we 
rejoiced  that  Rachel  was  alive,  and  like  to  do  well  ; 

but  my  fears  that  brother  W would  be  worse, 

increased,  and  the  doctor  would  blame  us.  But  he 
said  again,  "I  am  well,  the  Lord  has  healed  me." 
And  so  it  was  ;  when  the  doctor  came,  I  was  informed 
he  expressed  surprise  that  he  should  be  so  much  bet- 
ter in  one  night.  I  was  very  thankful  to  God  that 
this  extraordinary  meeting  should  turn  out  so  favora- 
bly, that  no  scandal  arose  from  it.  But  my  fears 
were  great  at  times.  I  suffered  an  agony  of  spirit, 
but  sister   Rachel  lived    and   was  happy.     Brother 

W was  healed,  and  recovered  his   health   from 

that  time.  O  what  cause  I  had  to  praise  God.  •  But 
I  did  not  consider  this  as  a  miracle,  though  I  could 
not  account  it  any  thing  less  than  the  power  of  God. 


,  165 

The  thunder  was  awful ;  and  the  expressions  I  used 
in  prayer,  were  singular  for  the  time.     It  was  a  bold- 
ness  of  speech  that  some  persons  might  judge  im- 
proper on  £U3h  an  occasion  ;  but  God  is  not  as  man, 
to  judge  after  the  manner  of  man,  or  to  be  offended 
with  us  for  approaching  the  throne  of  grace  with  bold- 
ness, even  in  time  of  thunder.     1  was  uncommonly 
happy  during  this  awful  scene.     Many  were  the  in- 
stances of  God's  power  and   goodness,  displayed  in 
different  parts  of  the  circuit  this  year ;  but  wicked- 
ness  still  abounded  ;  infidel  principles   made   more 
converts  to  deism  than  the  doctrines  of  repentance 
towards   God,  and   faith   towards   our   Lord   Jesus 
Christ,  did  to  Christianity. 

We  preached  in  the  beach  woods,  in  a  town  called 
Palmerter,  west  of  the  Hudson  river.  This  was  a 
new  appointment ;  and  we  could  say  here,  as  in  many 
other  places,  what  the  Apostle  said  to  the  Thessalo- 
nians,  1  Thess.  ii.  1,  2,  "For  yourselves,  brethren, 
know  our  entrance  in  unto  you,  that  it  was  not  in  vain  : 
but  even  after  that  we  had  suffered  before,  and  were 

shamefully  entreated  as  ye  know,  at ,  we  were 

bold  in  our  God  to  speak  unto  you  the  gospel  of  God 
with  much  contention."  Here  we  had  good  prospects  ; 
thirty  or  forty  were  under  good  awakenings.  We 
formed  a  class,  and  went  on  well ;  but  Satan  stirred 
up  some  to  oppose,  and  to  prejudice  others  with  their 
reports  that  the  Methodist  preachers  were  unlearned 
and  ignorant  men,  not  fit  to  preach.  Nearby  the 
beach  woods  was  a  growing  village,  and  here  the 
good  people  had  hired  a  young  man  from  Williams- 


IGG 

town  college,  to  leach  llieir  school.    This  young  man 
had  given  out.  Umt  the  Methodist  preachers  were  an 
ignorant  set  of  men,  they  knew  nothing  about  jneta^ 
physics  :  and  to  convince  the  people  of  their  ignor- 
ance, he  would  go  to  the  next  Methodist  meeting  and 
talk  with  the  preacher  about  metaphysics,  and  make 
him  expose  his  ignorance.     It  liappcned  on  the  day 
of  my  appointment,  that  a  great  concourse  of  people 
came  out  with  the  learned  young  man,  to  hear  his 
wise  sayings  on  the  subject  of  metaphysics,     I  knew 
not  why  nor  wherefore  so  many  had  come  together  ; 
but  I  preached  to  them  as  well  as  I  could,  and  after 
i  had  dismissed  the  congregation,  they  all  sat  down. 
This  surprised  me.     I  thought,  what  now  ?     But  di- 
rectly a  young  gentleman  with    powdered  hair  and 
ruffles  prim,  came  forward  to  me  and  made  a  genteel 
bow,  and  said,  "Sir,  have  you  studied  metaphysics  ?" 
I  said,  "1  have  studied  that  science  some  little."  He 
said,  *•!  wish  to  converse  with  you  on  that  subject." 
I  said,  **A  conversation  on    that  subject  may  not  be 
so  profitable  to  the  congregation  as  on  some  other  sub- 
ject."    He   then  strutted  up— put  his  arm  a  kimbo, 
and  said,  '*I  ihink,  sir,  we  can  converse  to  the  edifi- 
cation of  the  people  on  the  subject  of  metaphysics:' 
I  said,  "Well,  sir,  before  we  begin  I  wish  to  ask  you 
two  questions,  if  you  will  answer  them."      He  said, 
strutting  up  afresh,  "Yes,  sir,  I  will  answer  you  any 
question  you   wish  to  ask  me."    I  said,  "Well,  sir. 
which  is  the  greatest  of  the  five  senses,  hearing,  see- 
ing, tasting,  smelling,  or  feeling?"  He  said,  "I  think 
seeing  is  the  greatest  of  the  five  senses."  I  said,  "We 


167 

* 

shall  differ  about  that,  for  I  think  feeling  is  the  great- 
est." He  said,  "I  had  much  rather  be  without  feel- 
ing than  without  seeing  ;"  strutting  himself  up  and 
casting  a  majestic  look  upon  the  people.  I  said,  "Sir, 
did  you  not  know  that  if  you  had  no  feeling,  you 
could  have  no  sight ;  but  you  might  be  blind  and  still 
have  feeling."  He  said,  lowering  himself  down,  "I 
profess,  sir,  you  are  right."  I  said,  "You  don't  ap 
pear  to  be  acquainted  with  metaphysics ;  these  are 
the  easiest  lessons  in  metaphysics,  and  if  you  are  not 
acquainted  with  the  easiest  lessons,  I  am  sure  you 
cannot  understand  the  harder  ones.  But  my  second 
question  is,  *have  you  not,  sir,  doubted  the  authenti- 
city of  the  Bible,  and  the  reality  of  the  Christian  re- 
ligion V  '*  He  said,  "Yes,  I  profess  I  have."  T  said, 
"Well,  sir,  you  agree  with  me,  that  feeling  is  the 
greatest  of  the  five  senses."  He  said,  -"Yes."  I  said, 
"Well,  I  feel  that  there  is  a  reality  in  the  Christian 
religion.  Now,  you  must  prove  that  I  cannot  feel 
this,  before  you  can  bring  any  well-grounded  argu- 
ment to  disprove  the  reality  of  this  religion."  He 
said,  ***!  will  not  undertake  that."  So  here  our  con- 
versation upon  metaphysics  ended.  After  the  people 
were  gone,  I  heard  some  few  in  a  group  at  litlle  dis- 
tance, in  broken  accents  say,  "I  am  glad — 0  there 
was  never  any  thing  better."  "0  it  is  just  right," 
said  another.  T  stepped  toward  them,  and  asked 
ihem  what  they  were  talking  about.  They  said, 
"  that  the  young  gentleman  had  given  out  a 
week  ago,  that  he  would  come  to  talk  with  the  Me 
thodist  preacher,  upon  metaphysics,  to  show  the  peo- 


168 


pie  how  ignorant  the  Methodist  preachers  were,  and 
that  made  so  many  come  out  to-day,"  &c. 

It  is  with  grief  we  too  often  meet  with  men,  boast- 
ing  of  their  high  attainments  in  knowledge,  when 
they  know  not  God  at  all.  And  sometimes  we  meet 
with  men  of  really  high  attainments  in  literature, 
that  have  not  the  knowledge  of  God,  and  this  ought 
to  be  their  shame,  as  saith  the  Apostle. 

I  left  this  circuit  with  many  tears  at  the  close  of 
my  year,  and  went  on  to  New  York  to  attend  the  con- 
ference.    We  had  a  good  time  in  our  conference.     I 
thought  all  things  went  on  well.     But  there  was  not 
so  much  life  in  the  public  meetings  as  I  expected  to 
find  ;  yet  what  there  was,  appeared  to  be  very  good ; 
also  much  love  and  good  will  was  manifested  among 
all  the  preachers.  Bishop  Asburv  and  Bishop  What- 
coAT  presided,  and  certainly  they  were  the  best  of 
men  ;  ihey  appeared  to  have  the  whole  work  at  heart, 
and  their  whole  hearts  in  the  work.     Their  love  for 
the   preachers   was    manifest  in  a  peculiar  manner. 
Bishop  AsBURY  was   oldest   in  office,  and  had  been 
longest  with  us.     He  sat  as  a  father  among  his  chil- 
dren, beloved  by  every  one.     When  he  prayed,  he 
was  as  one  conversing  with  a  venerable  friend,  in 
which  he  seemed  to  have  our  interest  at  heart  more 
than  his  own,  and  it  encouraged  us  all  to  draw  nigh 
to-  God.     What  a  blessing  to  have  Godly  men. 

At  this  conference  I  received  my  station  on  Gran- 
ville circuit,  with  brother  T.  Bishop  for  my  colleague. 
We   went   to   the   circuit,  and   found  it  in  a  low 
state  of  religion,  as  might  be  seen  by  the  collection 


'W/ 


169 


the  first  quarter.  After  paying  our  expenses,  brother 
Bishop's  quarterage  was  two  dollars  and  ninety-two 
cents,  and  mine  was  five  dollars  and  eighty-four 
cents.  Brother  B.  was  taken  sick  and  left  the  cir- 
cuit. And  as  it  was  doubtful  whether  I  could  have 
any  one  to  help  me,  I  altered  my  appointments  so 
as  to  attend  them  all  in  two  weeks,  instead  of  four 
weeks.  This  was  also  a  heavy  trial  to  me.  The 
last  year  my  colleague  left  me,  which  increased  ray 
labor  that  was  hard  before  ;  and  now  when  I  had 
flattered  myself  with  the  moderate  labor  of  only 
preaching  twenty-six  times  in  four  weeks,  I  was  left 
with  twelve  appointments  in  a  week,  and  no  rest 
week  to  go  home  and  visit  my  family.  I  therefore 
went  home  to  take  leave  of  my  family,  not  to  return 
again  till  the  end  of  three  months.  But  to  my  great 
joy,  on  returning  home  I  found  that  my  Presiding 
Elder,  Brother  S.  Bostwick,  had  sent  Brother  E. 
Washburn  to  help  me.  My  wife  rejoiced  with  me 
to  see  him.  So  my  dear  brotlier  W.  and  I  went  to 
the  circuit  together,  and  attended  all  the  appointments 
in  two  weeks,  altered  them  again  to  make  it  a  four- 
week  circuit.  My  family  still  lived  in  Bethlehem, 
about  forty-five  miles  from  the  circuit.  My  dear 
wife  worked  hard  at  spinning  and  weaving,  to  pro 
cure  bread  for  herself  and  children.  The  roof  of  our 
log  house  would  not  shed  rain  :  therefore  she  suffer- 
ed much  at  times,  though  she  never  murmured.  The 
great  object  we  had  in  view,  was,  to  save  souls.  But 
our  hired  house  was  a  poor  thing  in  wet  weather,  that 

8 


f 


170 


171 


. 


I' 


I 


she  needed  a  double  portion  of  patience  to  bear  the 
cross.  I  often  thought :  is  this  the  portion  of  the 
ministers  of  Christ  ?  Well,  truly  it  is  through  much 
tribulation  that  we  are  to  enter  into  the  kingdom  of 
heaven.  But  all  ministers  do  not  suffer  such  things, 
which  is  some  comfort  to  me. 

On  Granville  circuit  we  had  many  new  appoint- 
ments ;  and  some  in  places  where  formerly  the 
Methodists  had  preached,  but  had  desisted  because 
of  the  opposition  from  the  prejudiced  and  persecuting 
people.  Sorrow  filled  my  heart  on  account  of  the 
general  dcadness,  and  carnal  security  which  prevail- 
ed. I  thought  surely  if  any  mode  of  preaching  can 
do  good,  it  is  to  cry  aloud  and  spare  not.  And  as  to 
the  subject  matter  it  must  be  holiness.  We  therefore 
preached,  not  only  that  men  should  repent,  but  that 
they  should  be  holy,  or  they  never  could  enjoy  an 
holy  God,  either  in  this  world  or  the  world  to  come. 
But  the  standing  order  in  Massachusetts  and  Connecti- 
cut, could  not  endure  this  doctrine.  The  Baptist 
people  also,  accounted  the  doctrine  of  perfection  a 
delusion,  or  something  not  to  be  attained  in  this  lifei 
or  on  this  side  qf  heaven.  I  never  could  think  they 
rejected  this  doctrine  because  they  haled  it  ;  or  plead 
for  sin  because  they  loved  it.  '  There  were  many 
pious  people  in  each  denomination,  both  of  the  minis- 
try and  laity.  But  they  preached  against  this  doc- 
trine I  thought,  because  they  did  not  understand  it. 
We  labored  to  show  the  distinction  between  absolute 
perfection  and  Christian  perfection,  and  between  the 
perfection  of  angels  and  glorified  spirits,  and  the  per- 


fection  of  Christians  in  a  probationary  state.     But 
still  the  opposition  was  carried   on  with  acrimony  by 
some,  as  though  the  doctrine   was  a  great  injury  to  ^ 
them,  and  cut  them  off  from  all  hope  of  mercy.  They 
intimated,  that  if  this  doctrine  was  true,  they  were 
entire  strangers  to  religion,  because  they  lived  in  sin, 
and  knew  not  that   they  had  passed  from  death  unto 
life.     And  because  they  did  not  know  their  sins  were 
forgiven,  though   they  had  long  professed  religion  ; 
they  therefore  concluded,  all  must  be  a  delusion  that 
they  had  no  knowledge  of  by  experience,  as  if  their 
experience  was  the  height  of  religion.      And  their 
ministers  taught  them  to  believe  it  was  arrogance  to 
profess  to  know  that  they  were  born  of  God.     There- 
fore, the  Methodists  were  supposed  to  be  a  presump- 
tuous people.     Some  Baptists  professed  to  know  that 
God  for  Christ's  sake  had  forgiven  them  their  sins  ; 
and   thev   were   said  to  be  deluded  as  well  as  the 
Methodists.     I  thought  the  Presbyterians  professed 
this  ignorance  of  God  and  experimental  religion,  only 
to  defend  their  notion  of  unconditional  perseverance. 
They  were  positive,  very  positive,  jhat'they  could  not 
fall  ffom  grace,  though  they  knew  not  that  they  were 
in  the  grace  of  God.     But  others  more  guarded  would 
say,  "  if  I  have  grace,  I  cannot  fall  from  it."     This 
appeared  to  me,  to  be  the  grand  delusion  of  the  devil ; 
under  which  my  Calvinist  brethren  were  suffering ; 
for  this  made  them  doubt  the  witness  of  the  Spirit  of 
God,  which  beareth  witness  with  our  spirits,  that  we 
are  the  children  of  God.     The  witness  of  this  Spirit 
they  had,  if  they  ever  enjoyed  religion  ;  but  if  they 


ti 


17U 

had  backslidden,  they  had  lost  the  witness,  and  con- 
sequently the  enjoyment  of  religion.  Therefore  to 
say  they  never  had  religion,  was  giving  the  Holy 
Spirit  the  lie.  An  affront  this,  and  a  sin  against  God 
of  no  small  magnitude.  But  again  they  denied  the 
doctrine  of  Christian  perfection  as  held  by  the  Meth- 
odists ;  and  to  prove  there  was  no  perfection  in  this 
life,  they  declared  their  own  hearts  to  be  sinful,  and 
that  they  committed  sin  daily  in  thought,  word,  and 
deed.  Thus  to  support  their  doctrine  they  seemed 
to  be  rather  professors  of  sin  than  professors  of  re- 
ligion. Many  seemed  angry  at  those  Methodists 
that  professed  to  live  without  sin.  One  asked  me 
if  I  lived  without  sin.  I  said,  "  yes,  and  live  very 
comfortable  without  it."  He  said,  "he  did  not  believe 
I  lived  without  sin.''  I  said,  "  do  you  say  I  sin  ?" 
He  said,  **  yes."  I  asked  him  to  prove  it.  He  said 
"  he  could  not."  I  said,  "  well,  I  learn  from  my  Bi- 
ble  that  the  devil  is  the  accuser  of  the  brethren.  He 
accuses  them  of  committing  sin  when  they  have  not ; 
and  it  seems  you  are  so  much  like  the  devil,  that  you 
have  turned  accuser  too.  You  set  up  to  judge  who 
have  sinned — this  is  very  uncharitable  in  you."  And 
he  having  said  before  that  he  sinned  every  breath,  I 
had  exhorted  him  to  repent  or  he  would  be  damned, 
so  now  when  I  accused  him  of  uncharitableness  in 
judging  me  as  he  did,  he  said,  "you  have  judged  m« 
too".  I  said,  "  no,  you  judged-yourself — you  said  you 
committed  sin  in  every  breath  ;  and  charity  con- 
strains me  to  believe  you  do,  for  you  appear  to  be 
sincere  in  your  profession.    I   hope,  however,  that 


173 

you  will  repent  of  your  sincere  wickedness  before  you 

This  pleading  for  sin,  and  professmg  to  sm  daily 
in  thought,  word  and  deed,  gave  occasion  for  many 
sinners  to  say  they  were  as  good  as  professors  were, 
for  they  did  not  commit  sin  oftener  than  once  a  breath. 
One  old  Baptist  minister  told  me  that  he  was  chuck 
full  of  sin,  that  is,  sin  was  chinked  into  him  so  that 
there  was  no  room  for   any  thing  else,  at  least  so  I 
understood  him,  fori  did  not  think  that  he  meant  the 
word  chuck  signified  "the  voice  of  a  hen  :  a  word  of  en- 
dearment."     This  professing  to  commit  sin  at  all 
times,  and  in   every  thing,  even  in   their  most  holy 
things,  gave  me  unpleasant  feelings.     I  have  often 
heard  them  ask  the  Lord  to  forgive  the  sin  of  their 
prayer  ;  and  I  believe  they  were  sincere,  and  really 
thought  they  committed  sin.     One  minister  in  preach- 
ing against  perfection,  had  occasion  to  quote  Job,  and 
said,  "  it  is  said,  Job  was  a  perfect  man  ;  but  Job 
was  not  a  perfect  man."     At  which,  a  man  that  was 
thought  to  be  a  little   deranged  in  mind,   suddenly 
started  up  and  said,  "  let  God  be  true,  and  every  man 
a  liar.     God  says,  Job  was  a  perfect  man." 

It  appeared  to  me  that  many  who  were  well  versed 
in  literature,  were  nevertheless  ignorant  of  divine 
theology,  and  verily  believed  that  our  theology  was 
religious  enthusiasm.  One  minister  asked  me  one 
day,  what  I  meant  by  perfection  ?  I  said,  "  the 
Methodists  mean  no  more  or  less  by  Christian  per- 
fection than  to  love  God  with  all  the  heart,  and  with 
all  the  soul,  and  with  all  the  strength,"  &:c.     I  then 


i 


-Hfc 


174 


asked  him  if  he  did  not  love  God  wiih  all  his  heart  ? 
He  said  "  no."  I  said,  "  I  am  sorry  for  that,  for  I 
think  ministers  ought  to  love  God  with  all  their  heart. 
But  pray,  sir,  if  you  do  not  love  God  with  all  your 
heart,  how  much  of  your  heart  do  you  love  God  mih  ? 
Is  it  with  one-half  or  two-thirds  ?  If  you  say  with 
one-half,  then  you  can  serve  God  with  that  half,  and 
serve  the  devil  with  the  other  half,  and  so  serve  God 
and  mammon,  and  when  you  die,  one  half  of  your 
heart  will  go  to  heaven,  and  the  other  half  to  hell. 
But  I  think,  sir,  you  will  lind  yourself  mistaken,  for 
our  Lord  says,  *  ye  cannot  serve  God  and  mammon.'  " 

Deacon  J ,  of  Chester,  said  to  me  one  day,  in 

a  positive  accent,  that  he  committed  sin  every  minute, 
and  this  he  said,  to  prove  that  my  doctrine  of  Chris- 
tian perfection  was  a  delusion.  After  he  was  gone, 
a  very  wicked  man,  that  had  been  in  the  company  and 
heard  the  conversation,  addressed  himself  to  the  man 
of  the  house  in  a  very  solemn  manner,  saying,  "  I 
don't  believe  one  thing,  though  I  know  I  am  a  sinner 
and  live  in  sin  every  day,  yet  I  don't  believe  that  I 

commit  sin  every  minute ;  but  deacon  J said  he 

committed  sin  every  minute ;  I  think  he  must  be  a 
great  sinner  by  this  time  ;  why,  he  is  an  old  man. 
How  old  is  he  ?"  One  answered  and  said,  **  he  is 
eighty-two  years  old."  "  Well,"  said  the  man  very 
solemnly,  '*  I  think  it  is  time  for  him  to  think  some- 
thing about  eternity." 

Thus  my  ears  were  almost  daily  saluted  with  the 
declarations  of  those  (that  ought  to  be  examples  of 
piety)  that  they  committed  sin  daily  in  thought,  word, 


175 


I 


\ 


and  deed.  And  these  declarations  were  so  positive, 
and  they  knew  so  certainly  that  they  committed  sin, 
that  I  was  constrained  to  believe  that  they  were  wick- 
ed, or  question  their  veracity  ;  or  I  must  believe  they 
were  deceived,  and  therefore  claimed  my  pity.  This 
I  settled  in  my  mind,  that  they  were  deluded  by  the 
devil  by  false  reasonings. 

From  this  conviction,  I  went  mourning  for  the  un- 
happy stale  of  delusion  that  seemed  to  triumph  in 
New  England  over  thousands.  Some  days  when 
riding  to  my  appointments,  I  was  almost  all  the  way 
in  tears,  often  inquiring  of  the  Lord,  in  ejaculatory 
prayers,  *'  what  can  I  do  to  save  these  souls  from  de- 
lusion ?"  Some  threw  stones  at  me,  and  some  set 
their  dogs  on  me  as  I  rode  along.  But  the  Lord  de- 
fended me.  I  never  had  a  stone  to  hit  me,  nor  a  dog 
to  bite  me.  Some  threatened  to  whip  me  ;  but  I  es- 
caped all.  I  heard  of  many  threats,  but  none  laid 
hands  on  me.  '  It  was  told  me,  that  when  I  was  rid- 
ing from  Springfield  to  Westfield,  a  company  lay  in 
wait  for  me  in  a  swamp,  through  which  I  had  to  ride  ; 
and  they  had  said,  they  intended  to  whip  me  ;  but  as 
I  was  passing  a  house,  before  I  came  to  the  swamp, 
a  woman  called  to  me  and  informed  me  that  brother 

A. was  sick,  and  had  sent  to  her  to  desire  me  to 

call  upon  him.  I  then  turned  my  course  and  rode 
across  lots  to  his  house,  and  on  leaving  him,  I  went 
another  road  :  so  I  escaped  the  mob.  By  this  time 
some  of  our  friends  heard  of  their  design,  a;id  they 
rode  after  me  with  all  haste  to  Westfield,  "  expect- 
ing," as  they   said,   '*  to  find  me  badly  bruised  and 


176 


i 


beaten."  But  when  I  told  them  of  the  way  I  came 
the}^  rejoiced  that  a  good  providence  had  saved  me 
that  time.  But  they  said  they  expected  I  should 
meet  with  trouble  that  night,  for  the  house  where  I 
was  to  preach  that  evening,  was  near  the  school- 
house  where  the  Methodists  had  formerly  preached, 
and  were  persecuted  and  disturbed  by  the  wicked 
throwing  stones  at  the  house  and  breaking  the  windows. 
So  they  thought  it  would  be  well  to  hope  for  the  best 
and  prepare  for  the  worst. 

That  night  when  I  opened  meeting,  and  while  I 
was  in  prayer,  I  had  an  impression  that  the  Devil  in 
some  Deist,  had  come  into  the  meeting.  I  opened 
my  eyes  while  praying,  to  see  where  he  was.  And 
there  sat  a  man  in  the  middle  of  the  room,  glaring 
his  eyes  at  me,  and  grinding  and  twisting  his  mouth, 
as  though  he  would  make  sport  for  his  companions, 
and  dash  me  out  of  countenance.  But  I  fixed  my 
eyes  upon  him  and  said,  "Lord  God,  put  thy  hook  into 
the  jaws  of  the  devil  to-night ;  and  deliver  these  souls 
from  the  power  of  sin  and  Satan."  He  soon  desisted 
from  grinding  and  staring  upon  me.  When  I  had 
done  prayer,  he  moved  back  to  one  corner  of  the 
room.  My  subject  led  me  first  to  show  what  was 
implied  in  worshipping  God.  I  said,  "  the  first  thing 
implied  in  worshipping  God,  is  to  believe  there  is  a 
God  ;  and  that  he  is  a  good  God."  Then  I  said  ab- 
ruptly, "  do  you  believe  there  is  a  God  ?"  This 
man  answered,  "  yes,  I  do."  I  made  as  though  I  did 
not  hear  him, — and  went  on  :  "If  we  say  vve believe 
there  is  a  God,  and  that  he  is   a  good  God  ;   do  we 


177 


1 


eridence  by  our  works,  ihat  we  believe  it  ?    For  if 
our  works  do  not  correspond  with  our  profession,  we 
are  splendid  hypocrites.     Now,  men  will  pay  atten- 
tion to  objects  and  things,  in  proportion  to  the  value 
they  set  upon  them,  and  they  value  them  in  propor- 
tion as  they  esteem  them  good.  A  man  will  pay  attention 
to  his  hogs,  and  will  feed  them  twice  a  day,  because 
he  views  them  good  and  profitable  to  him.     And  if 
he  believed  God  was  as  good  as  his  hogs,  he  would 
at  least  pray  to  him  twice  in  a  day.     But  he  does  not 
believe  it :— he  is  in  fact  like  a  hog,  that  when  you 
throw  corn  to  him,  shows  a  great  appetite  to  devour 
it,  but  never  looks  up  to  thank  the  hand  that  feeds 
hi'm ;  so  it  is  with  some  men,  they  never  look  up  to 
thank  the  Lord  for  the  blessings  he  bestows."    The 
man   was  feeling  around  for  his  hat,  and  muttenng 
something.     I  spoke  earnestly  :  "  I  hope  no  one  will 
disturb  tliis  meeting  to-night."     He  said,  "  no  but  I 
don't  mean  to  be  called  a  hog."    I  said.  "  well,  the 
coat  suits  you,  and  you  have  got  it  on.     I  think  you 
have  need  to  be  thankful,  that  you  have  got  dressed 
so  soon  "     He  muttered  as  he  hurried  through  the 
congregation    to  get   out.     I  said,    "  no  muttermg 
from  you,  you  have  need  to  be  thankful,  you  never 
had  a  better  coat  in    your  life."     But  he   went  off 
muttering.     The  people  all  seemed  to  be  amazed.     I 
said  to  them,  "  you  sec  the  coat  fitted  him  well,  and 
he  has  worn  it  away  ;  now  I  must  alter  my  manner 
of  discourse  a  little,  so  as  to  fit  a  coat  for  some  other, 
and  when  he  is  suited  with  one,  I  expect  he  will  go 

6* 


178 

out,  and  so  on,  till  all  are  dressed  ;  for  if  it  please  the 
Lord  to  help  me   to-night,  I  will  make  garments  to 
dress  you  all,  before  I  have  done."     But  this  seemed 
to  fasten  them  on  their  seats  ;  and  truly  the  Lord  was 
present  with  us.     Some  were  affected  with  the  word, 
and  I  could  say  verily  this  was  a  time  of  refreshing 
to  my  soul,  and  we  had  no  further  disturbance  in  that 
place,  while  I  was  on  the  circuit ;  but  we  had  a  most 
glorious  revival  of  religion  in  that  town.     Mr.  A.  the 
minister,  came  among  us  in  the  west  part  of  the  town 
and  preached,  and   in  a  discourse   to  his  own  church 
members,  a  few  days  after,  he  lectured  on  the  third 
epistle  of  John.     When  he  came  to  the  words,  **  Dio- 
irephes  loveth  to  have  the  pre-eminence,  and  will  not 
himself  receive   the  brethren,"  6cc.   he  said,  **  My 
brethren,  let  us  not  be  like  Diotrephes.     The  Metho- 
dist brethren  have  come  into  this  town,  let  us  receive 
them ;  the   Lord   is  pouring  out  his  Spirit,  and  the 
Methodists  are  instruments  in    his  hand,  of   good  to 
precious  souls."     His   people  all   agreed  with  him, 
and   we  were   soon  invited  among   them.     Brother 
Broadhead,  and  brother  Bostwick,  preached  in  his 
meeting-house,  and  we  were  invited  freely  among  the 
church  members ;  and  the  work  was  truly  of  God  ; 
many  were  converted,  about  forty  joined  the  Metho- 
dists, and  some  more  than   that  number  joined  the 
Presbyterians,   and   we  had    no    jars,   but    glorious 
times.     But  in  the  town  of   Chester  it  was  quite  dif- 
ferent ;  though   there  was  a  glorious  work  of   Gbd, 
and  near  one  hundred  professed  to  experience  reli- 
gion. Mr.  B.,  their  minister,  opposed  openly,— he  has 


, 


179 

since  died  ;  and  though  like  Alexander  the  copper- 
smith, he  did  us  much  evil ;  yet  I  hope,  he  lived  to 
see  the  evil  of  his  doings,  and  repent.  If  so,  I  would 
not  disturb  the  living  with  the  dead,— so  let  him  rest 

in  peace. 

In  the  towns  of  Norwich,  West-Hampton,  and 
Montgomery,  there  was  a  singular  attention  to  reli- 
gion. I  was  the  first  Methodist  preacher  that  ever 
went  into  West-Hampton  to  preach.     The  people 

were  warned  by  their  minister,  Mr.  H ,  against 

the    Methodists,   insomuch  that  all  his  people  were 
prejudiced  against  us,  except  a  Mr.  Soule,  who  had 
heard  the  Methodists  somewhere  in  his  travels.     This 
man  invited  me  to  preach  in  his  house  ;  and  in  no- 
tifying the  people,  he  did  not  say  it  was  a  Methodist 
preacher  that  was  to  preach.     So  when  some  came 
and  learned  who  was  to  preach,  they  were  about  to 
go  away  again  ;  but  others  said,  "  it  is  no  harm  to 
hear  for  once,  seeing  we  are  here."    This   pacified 
them,  and  none    went  away.     I  preached  to  them, 
«»  What  shall  it  profit  a  man,  if  he  should  gain  the 
whole   world    and  lose  his   own  soul,"  &c.     I  left 
many  of  them  in  tears,  and  rode  on  to  Northampton, 
to  preach  that  evening.     And  before  I  got  around  the 
circuit,  Mr.  S.  and  his  wife  met  me  at  Chester,  and 
informed  me  of  the  effect  of  my  visit  and  preaching 
in  West-Hampton.     He   said,  many   of  the  people 
went  home   from  the  meeting,  and  began  to  search 
their  Bibles,  to  see  if  these  things  were  so  ;  and  the 
result  was,  they  said  their  Bibles  had  turned  Metho- 
dists  while  they  were  gone  to  meeting,  and  if  their 


180 

Bibles  turned   Methodists,  they  would  turn    Metho- 
dists too.     He  said  his  wife  did  not  sleep  for  three 
nights,  after  I  was  there,  and  he  mentioned  another 
woman  that  did  nbt  sleep  for  five  nights  ;  so  great 
was  their  concern  for  their  souls.     Thev  would  not 
be  comforted,  until  it  pleased  God  to  send  the  bless- 
ing of  pardoning  mercy  to   their   souls.     Their  evi- 
dence was  clear,  and  they  rejoiced  in  the  God  of  their 
salvation.     Mrs.  Soule  was    exceedingly  happy  in 
God.     They  also  informed  me  that  one  boy  at  school 
heard  of  the  meeting  while  he  was  at  play  in  the  in- 
termission, and  threw  down  his  ball  stick,  saying,  "I 
will  go  to  meeting."     This  boy  also  was  converted, 
and   several  others  ;  but   the  singularity   was,    that 
their  Bibles  should    turn    Methodists.      In    West- 
Hampton,  Montgomery,  and  New  Norwich,  many,  I 
believe,  were  soundly  converted,  and  the  congrega- 
tions increased.     In  Montgomery  they  called  a  town 
meeting,  and  voted  their  meeting-house  to  the  Metho- 
dists one-half  of  the  time,  and  also  that  one-half  of  the 
money  raised  for  the  support  of  preaching,  should  be 
paid  to  the  Methodists.     In  this  town,  ihcy  had   no 
settled  minister,  but  the  prospect  was  truly  glorious, 
for  the  work  was  of  God.     Many  were  brought  from 
the  power  of  sin  and  Satan,  to  know  and  rejoice  m 
God  their  Saviour.     In  Hampton,  Mr.  H.  preached 
violently  against  us,  calling  us  wolves  ;  and  for  twelve 
Sabbaths,  he  Iiad  remarked  in  the  most  positive  man- 
ner, in  all  his  discourses,  that  the  Methodists  were 
those  that  "  creep  into  houses  and  lead  away  captive 
silly  women,  led  away  with  divers  lusts."    I  had  sent 


181 

my  compliments  to  him,  and  desired  him  to  attend  my 
preaching.  I  hoped  to  see  him,  and  caution  him  pri- 
vately not  to  expose  himself.  But  though  he  prom- 
ised several  times  to  come,  he  never  performed  his 
promise.  But  preached  with  greater  vehemence 
against  us,  declaring  positively,  in  the  public  congre- 
gation, that  we  were  those  that  "crept  into  houses  and 
led  away  captive  silly  women,  led  away  with  divers 
lusts."  Hearing  this  so  repeatedly  in  all  places  where 
I  went,  as  it  was  not  only  Mr.  H.  that  preached 
thus  against  us,  I  thought  it  was  time  to  put  a  stop  to 
such  slanderous  abuse.  I  therefore  explained  the 
text  Mr.  H.  so  often  applied  to  the  Methodists.  I 
observed  to  the  people,  that  I  was  exceedingly  sorry 
that  Mr.  H.  whom  I  had  solicited  by  messengers  to 
attend  our  meeting,  and  to  expose  us  if  we  were 
wolves;  though  he  had  promised  to  come,  yet  had 
never  attended  with  us.  I  am  credibly  informed  that 
he  has  pronounced  us  wolves,  and  such  as  creep  into 
houses  after  lustful  women  ;  I  think  it  my  duty  to 
expose  such  unchristian  conduct.  As  to  the  text  of 
creeping  into  houses  I  considered  that  this  was  ap- 
plicable only  to  the  sect  of  the  Nicholalians,  who 
troubled  the  church  in  the  days  of  tlie  Apostles.  This 
sect  held  to  the  community  of  wives  ;  or  as  the 
phrase  properly  signifies,  the  possession  of  each  other's 
wives.  The  Lord  said  to  the  Church  of  Ephesus, 
Rev.  ii.6,  '^Thou  hatestthe  deeds  of  the  Nicholalians 
which  I  also  hate"  Their  deeds  were  whoredom, 
and  their  principles  the  same  as  those  that  worship- 
ped Baal  Peor,  the   god  of  Moab,  Numbers  xxv.  3. 


18*^ 


183 


I- 


Baal   Peor  signifies  the  god  of  opening  or   shame. 
And  for  Mr»H.  to  apply  this  to  the  Methodists,  equal- 
ly reflects  upon  the  women  of  his  town,  and  himself 
too  ;  for  he  could  not  know  positively,  that  the  wo- 
men of  Ji  is  town  were   lustful,  unless   he  nad  been 
guilty.     But  I  believe  the  women  of  this  town,  are 
as  chaste  and  virtuous  as  any  women  I  ever  met 
with.     And  I  presume  Mr.  H.  is  virtuous,  but  in  his 
late  preaching  he   has  not  been  modest.     I  have  no 
other  apology  to   make  for  him,  than  his  ignorance. 
He  did  not  know  the  meaning  of  the  text,  nor  the 
proper  application   of  it.     And  I   blush  with  shame 
for  a  man  that  has  received  a  college  education,  and 
has  been  a  minister  so  many  years,  not  to  know  the 
meaning  and  proper  application  of  that  text,  which  in 
these  days  cannot  be   applied  to   any  sect  of  Chris- 
tians;  but   is  only   applicable  to   those  who    keep 
brothels.     I  desired  friend  S.   to  tell  Mr.  H.  what  I 
had  said.     He  did  so  ;  and  soon  it  became   a  public 
talk.     And  1   published  it  all  around,   so  that  it  was 
not  long  before  the  text  was  no  more  applied  to  the 
Methodists. 

But  the  opposition  we  met  with  was  very  unpleas- 
ant, for  in  many  places  the  minister,  in  preaching 
violently  against  us,  induced  the  most  influential  men 
'  to  oppose  us,  and  support  their  minister.  Had  it  not 
been  that  we  had  the  Lord,  and  the  force  of  truth  on 
our  side,  we  should  not  have  prevailed  and  prospered 
as  we  did.'  But  glory  be  to  God,  more  than  three 
hundred  professed  to  be  converted  this  year,  and  I 
know  not  of  one  instance  where   the  revival  of  reli- 


gion was  through  the  instrumentality  of  any  but  the 
Melhodists.  Though  many  joined  the  Presbyterians 
and  Baptists,  they  professed  to  be  awakened  and  con- 
verted by  attending  the  Methodist  meeting  ;  and  there 
were  so  many  joined  them,  that  it  became  a  proverb, 
"  The  Methodists  shake  the  bush,  and  the  Presby- 
terians and  Baptists  catch  the  birds." 

In  all  places  where  we  had  a  revival  of  religion, 
thither  they  would  come,  either  to  oppose  or  join  in 
union,  so  as  to  make  proselytes.  Many  of  those  who 
opposed  us,  were  ministers  of  piety  and  true  godli- 
ness. But  their  notions  of  Calvinism,  and  their  love 
for  the  order  and  established  religion  of  New-Eng- 
land, had  corrupted  their  judgment ;  so  that  they  re- 
fused liberty  of  conscience  to  all  but  those  of  the 
standing  order ;  yet  they  thought  they  gave  liberty 
only  because  they  wanted  all  to  be  of  their  opinion  ; 
and  we  all  had  liberty  to  worship  with  them  and  con- 
form to  their  order. 

The  policy  of  New-England,  was  to  unite  the 
church  with  the  state,  and  because  they  tolerated 
other  denominations,  they  therefore  professed  liberty 
of  conscience  ;  but  by  confounding  toleration  with 
liberty,  they  deceived  themselves  and  others  ;  for 
toleration  is  not  liberty.  Toleration  is  the  counter- 
feit of  liberty,  and  a  bad  counterfeit  too ;  for  it  as- 
sumes a  right  in  the  ruler  to  grant  liberty  to  men  to 
worship  their  God  under  certain  restrictions.  This 
assumption  is  tyranny  in  disguise.  If  the  rulers 
could  answer  for  their  subjects  at  the  bar  of  God,  and 
if  they  would  do  it  faithfully,  then  they  might  legis- 


«  184 

> 
late  and  direct  when,  and  where,  and  how,  and  whom 
we  should  worship.  But  seeing  that  every  one  of 
us  must  give  an  account  of  himself  to  God,  it  is  an 
insult  both  to  God  and  man,  for  man  to  assume  a  right 
to  dictate  to  man,  whom  or  how  he  shall  worship.  It 
is  indeed,  the  duty  of  civil  rulers  to  regulate  civil 
society,  and  not  suffer  one  to  deprive  another  of  his 
rights.  But  to  presume  to  dictate  to  men  whom  they 
shall  worship,  or  how,  when,  and  where  they  shall 
worship,  is  arrogating  a  power  to  themselves,  that 
belongs  to  God  only ;  and  this  is  not  only  presump- 
tuous, but  blasphemous,  as  it  is  assuming  rights  that 
belong  to  God  alone. 

The  law  establishment  of  religion  in  New-England, 
was  a  grief  and  an  offence  to  me.  I  thought  learned 
men  trifled  with  God  and  religion,  to  lake  upon  them- 
selves to  coerce  the  consciences  of  men,  and  force 
them  to  support  a  religion  they  did  not  believe  in. 
Their  establishment  was  according  to  the  principles 
laid  down  by  Mr.  Paley,  in  his  Political  and  Moral 
Philosophy,  page  422,  where  he  labors  to  show  the 
utility  of  three  things,  in  an  ecclesiastical  establish- 
ment. 

1st.  "A  clergy,  or  order  of  men,  secluded  from 
other  professions,  to  attend  upon  the  affairs  of  reli* 

.gion. 

2d.  "  A  legal  provision  for  the  maintenance  of  the 

clergy. 

3d.  "  And  confining  of  that  provision  to  the  teach- 
ers of  a  particular  sect  of  Christians." 
•     He  then  adds,  "  if  any  one  of  these  three  things 


185 

be  wanting,  there  exists  no  national  religion,  or  es- 
tablished church,  according  to  the  sense  which  these 
terms  arc  usually  made  to  convey.  He,  ihereforCj 
who  would  defend  ecclesiastical  establishments,  must 
show  the  separate  utility  of  these  three  essential 
parts  of  their  constitution." 

Mr.  Paley  acknowledges,  in  page  436,  "that  a 
Popish  king  derives  a  right  from  these  principles,  to 
employ  the  power  of  an  absolute  monarch,  in  reduc- 
ing the  people  of  his  empire  within  the  communion 
of  the  Popish  church."  ^ 

I  thought  that  common  sense  would  teach  any  man 
to  understand  from  this,  that  if  a  Popish  king  derived 
such  a  right  from  these  principles,  a  Protestant  king, 
or  rulers,  derive  the  same  right  from  the  same  princi- 
ples; and  if  the   principles  give  the  right,  and  the 
principles  are  good,  then  he  is  a  good  king  or  gover- 
nor, that  acts  in  conformity  to  them,  and  certainly  he 
is  a  bad  ruler  that  neglects  good  principles.     There- 
fore those  rulers  that  maintain  ecclesiastical    estab- 
lishments on  those    principles,  ought  to  employ  the 
power  of  an  absolute  monarch  to  reduce  the  people 
in  their  governments  into  the  communion  of  the  reli- 
gion of  the  state  or  nation.    The  principles  are  a  part 
of  the  constitution  of  the  state  government.     If  the 
principles  of  establishment  be  good,  they  ought  to  be 
supported  ;  but  if  not,  they  ought  to  be  disannulled  ; 
for  while  the  constitutions,  or  principles,  composing 
the  essential  ground  of  a  religious  establishment  are 
continued,  and  oaths  are  administered  to  magistrates 
and  kings,  or  governors,  to  execute  the  laws  according 


180 

to  the  power  they  derive  from  those  principles,  and 
they  neglect  to  exercise  the  power  of  an  absolute 
monarch,  to  reduce  the  people  into  the  communion  of 
the  church,  they  are  verily  perjured  men,  and  trifle 
with  God  and  religion.  And  for  the  learned  in  New 
England  not  lo  see  this,  argues  that  blindness  in  part 
had  happened  to  them,  and  corrupt  principles  ruled 
them.  O  how  I  longed  for  learning  to  teach  them  the 
right  way.  But  I  said  softly  to  myself,  "nothing  but 
pure  religion  will  teach  them  belter,"  and  I  am  well 
persuaded,  that  if  the  Methodists  are  faithful  to  preach 
and  live  holiness  of  heart,  that  these  states  will  be 
revolutionized  in  a  few  years,  and  the  unscriplural 
doctrines  of  unconditional  election,  and  eternal  de- 
crees, as  they  are  now  preached  by  Presbyterians 
and  Baptists,  will  be  exploded,  and  pure  religion  will 
revive.  I  believed  the  Methodists  to  be  raised  up  of 
God  for  this  grand  end  ;  and  truly  God  is  with  us. 
Though  now  I  am  in  heaviness  at  times,  and  in  perils 
often,  by  reason  of  the  powers  that  be  in  these  states, 
and  the  artful  wiles  of  learned  and  designing  men, 
that  seem  resolved  to  support  error,  yet  I  shall  see 
this  pure  religion  flourish  and  spread.  The  Lord  hears 
prayer  and  blesses  my  soul,  so  that  I  have  daily  com- 
munion with  the  Father,  and  with  the  Son,  and  with 
the  Holy  Spirit. 


CHAPTER  JX. 


In  my  travels  and  labors  on  GranvilFe  circuit,  I  ex- 
perienced many  blessings,  and  in  every  place,  more 
or  less  professed  to  experience  religion.  In  many 
places  the  people  found  their  Bibles  to  be  a  new  book 
to  them,  and  some  said  their  Bibles  had  turned  Me- 
thodists, and  they  would  turn  Methodists  too,  inso- 
.much  that  prejudice  decreased,  and  love  and  good  will 
increased.  Some  conversions  were  extraordinary- 
To  mention  a  few :  in  one  place  where  there  were 
but  six  members,  and  the  prospects  very  gloomy ; 
when  I  first  preached  there,  I  desired  the  few  to  hold 
their  prayer  meetings  in  as  private  a  manner  as  they 
could,  and  if  any  were  under  concern,  to  invite  them 
to  prayer  meeting,  in  as  private  a  manner  as  possible  ; 
I  said,  "people  under  conviction,  are  not  willing  to 
have  it  known  publicly- — Therefore  if  you  would 
gain  their  confidence,  you  must  manifest  your  care 
and  good  will  for  them  in  a  private  way,  and  not  pub- 
lish their  state  of  mind.  For  no  man  is  willing  the 
secrets  of  his  heart  should  be  made  known,  before 
he  knows  the  good  or  bad  consequences  that  may 
arise  to  himself  from  it.  Besides  it  is  good  policy, 
in  such  a  land  as  this,  whgre  proselyting  stimulates 
ministers  and  professors  of  all  denominations,  for  us 


188 

lo  keep  the  work  of  religion  as  much  hid  from  ihe 
public  stare  as  we  can.  And  if  it  should  please  God 
to  work  among  us,  it  is  our  duty  lo  be  co-workers  to- 
gether with  Him.  Now,  God  begins  his  work  in  the 
heart  by  convicting  us  of  sin,  and  drawing  our  minds 
to  seek  pardon  by  secret  prayer.  We,  therefore, 
should  encourage  convicted  souls  lo  seek  pardon  in 
the  same  way.  Indeed  many  of  us  found  pardon 
while  on  our  knees  in  secret  prayer  :  so  then  let  us 
commend  ourselves  to  every  man's  conscience,  in  the 
sight  of  God  ;  and  when  they  are  converted,  they  will 
be  willing  to  own  it,  and  acknowledge  God  in  all  his 
ways." 

This  counsel  took  well  with  the  few  in  this  place, 
and  in  a  short  time,  about  twenty  had  experienced  re- 
ligion, and  about  twenty  more  were  under  concern; 
still  all  seemed  to'be  kept  secret.  Those  who  were 
converted,  were  taught  the  propriety  of  keeping  it 
secret,  and  it  would  have  been  kept  so,  longer  than  it 
was,  had  not  a  powerful  meeting  gave  publicity  to  it. 
Our  preaching  day  was  on  Tuesday,  and  the  Sabbath 
before  my  turn  to  preach  there,  the  brethren  had  a 
prayer  meeting,  conducted  by  the  leader,  who  has 
since  become  a  local  preacher.  And  so  it  was,  a 
larger  congregation  ihan  usual  attended  ;  and  while 
the  warm  feelings  of  the  members,  and  young  con- 
verts were  manifest  in  their  fervent  prayers  to  God ; 
the  answer  was  visible,  in  melting  effusions  of  Di- 
vine power  on  the  people.  Many  wept,  some  trem- 
bled ;  their  vessels  were  full  and  running  over. — One 
young  lad  of  about  thirteen,  trembling  ran  out  of  the 


189 

meeting  while  one  of  the  brethren  was  praying.     An- 
other young  lad,  who  had  been  recently  converted, 
saw  him  go  out,  and  feeling  an  ardent  desire  for  his 
salvation,  arose  from  his  knees   and  ran  after  him. 
When  the  fugitive  saw  himself  pursued,  he  ran  faster, 
and  the  other  calling  after  him  to  stop,  but  he  ran 
with  all  his  might.  However  his  pursuer  gained  upon 
him,  which  when  he  perceived,  he  tacked  and  leapt 
over  a  fence.     By  this  time  his  conviction  got  fasten- 
ed on  his  mind,  that  when  he  struck   the  ground  on 
the  other  side  of  the  fence,  he  roared  aloud,  and  fell 
upon  his  knees  and  cried  for  mercy.     The  other  boy 
was  suddenly  by  his  side  all  in  tears,  praying  for  him  ; 
and  so  it  was,  the  Lord   spoke  peace  to  his  troubled 
soul.     They  then   returned  to  the  meeting  together 
praising  God.     This  lad  had  a  brother  and  two  sis- 
ters at  the  meeting,  who  were  all  three  awakened, 
and  one  sister  with  himself,  it  was  believed,  experienc- 
ed religion.     These  young  women  and  iheir  brothers, 
were  children  of  a  Baptist  Minister,  who  lived  about 
four  miles  distant.     They  went  home  with  tears  of 
grief  and  joy;  and  proclaimed  aloud,  what  God  had 

done  for  them.     Elder  S said,  "I  will  go  and 

see  what  the  Lord  is  doing  among  the  Methodists." 

And  on  Tuesday,  I  was  introduced  to  Elder  S ; 

I  desired  him  to  set  next  to  me,  and  take  part  in  the 
meeting.  He  did  so,  and  I  believe  he  wept  for  joy 
this  day,  at  what  he  heard  and  saw.  Tears  flowed 
from  every  one.  About  forty  now  had  experienced 
religion ;  and  many  more  this  day  were  convicted. 
One  boy  not  quite  eight  years  old,  went  home  from 


190 

this  meeting,  deeply  convicted.     His  nnother  told  me 
afterwards,  that  she  discovered  something  uncommon 
was  the  matter  with  the  child  ;  ll.erefore  she  watched 
him,  and  the  next  day  he  was  missing.     She  sought 
for  him  some   time,  at  length   hearing  him  sob  and 
sigh  at  the  barn,  she  drew  nigh  to  tlie  door,  and  look- 
ing through  a  crack,  saw  him  on^tiis  knees,  all  bathed 
in  tears,  and  his  hands  lifted  up  in  prayer.     As  his 
back  was  toward  the  door  where  his  mother  was,  he 
did  not  see  her;  directly  he  groaned  out  as  in  great 
distress  of  mind,  and  fell   forward    prostrate   on  the 
floor,  and  lay  sighing.     His  mother  then  went  in  to 
him,  and  asked  him  what  he  had  been  doing.  He  said, 
"I  have  been  trying  to  pray."     She  said,  "Well,  my 
child,  I  want  to  hear  you  pray."     He  then  arose  up 
on  his  knees,  all  bathed  in  tears,  and  said,  "O  Lord  ! 
have  mercy  upon  me,  an  old  sinner.     I  have  lived  al- 
most eight  years  in  sin,  and  have  never  served  thee 
so   well   as  the  dumb  creatures  around  the    barn." 
His  mother  in  relating  this  to  me,  was  much  affected, 
but  said,  "When  my  child  said  he  was  an  old  sinner, 
and    that  he  had   lived    almost  eight  years  in   sin,  I 
thought  what  am  I,  if  he  views  himself  an  old  sinner, 
I  am  an  older  one.     If  he  mourns  for  his  sins,  I  have 
cause  to  mourn  for  my  sins.     Alas  !  I  may  truly  say, 
I  am  an  old  sinner.     I  have  Jived  thirty-six  years  in 
sin,  and  never  served  the  Lord  as  well  as  the  dumb 
creatures  around  the  barn."     Thus,  out  of  the  mouth 
of  babes  and  sucklings,  it  seems  the  Lord  had  ordain- 
ed strength.     The  father  and  mother,  and  two  other 
children  of  the  family,  experienced  religion.     The 


191 


m. 


next  tinue  I  came  there,  though  in  the  winter,  they 
came  forward  to  be  baptized,  by  immersion.  I  bap- 
tized eighteen  one  cold  day,  and  it  seemed  as  though 
none  were  cold.  We  were  all  in  high  spirits.  And 
the  best  of  all  was,  God  was  with  us. 

Another  conversion  I  will  mention,  that  was  wit- 
nessed  on  this  circuit  this  year.  A  young  man  at- 
tended preaching  in  Suffield  ;  the  word  reached  his 
heart ;  he  went  home  late  at  night,  mourning  his 
wretched  state  by  reason  of  sin.  He  arrived  at  his 
father's  house,  and  found  all  in  bed  ;  he  went  to  his 
bed-chamber,  but  his  sense  of  sin  and  death,  forbid 
sleep.  He  therefore  fell  on  his  knees,  for  the  first 
lime  in  his  life  to  pray.  And  his  agony  of  mind  in- 
creased so  much,  that  he  groaned  several  times.^— 
His  mother  awoke,  and  heard  him  groan,  and  suppos- 
ed he  was  sick,  and  awoke  his  father,  and  he  hearing 
him  groan,  called  out  to  him,  "Richard,  what  is  the 
matter?"  But  he  made  no  answer.  He  called  him 
again,  but  no  answer,  except  a  groan.  The  father 
and  mother  were  somewhat  frightened.  They  arose, 
got  a  candle,  and  went  into  his  chamber,  and  there 
they  saw  what  they  never  saw  before  ;  their  son  on 
his  knees,  all  in  tears  trying  to  pray.  Thf^  father 
asked  him,  "What  is  the  matter  ?"  "O  father !  I  am 
an  undone  sinner,  do  pray  for  me."  But  the  poor 
old  man,  never  had  prayed  in  his  life.  The  mother 
tenderly  besought  her  son  to  compose  his  mind,  and 
go  to  bed.  But  he  said,  "O  mother,  do  pray  for  me  ; 
I  am  undone,  I  shall  sink  to  hell !  0,  I  have  sinned 
against  God,  the  best  of  Beings  ;  I  have  tinned,  and 


> 


I' 

K 


192 

am  undone.  O  do  pray  for  me,  father — dear  mother, 
pray  for  me."  Thus  he  went  on,  and  the  father  and 
mother  both  stayed  by  him  all  night ;  and  early  in  the 
morning,  the  father  went  for  some  praying  people, 
that  lived  a  little  way  off;  and  they  came  in,  and 
spent  nearly  all  the  forenoon  in  prayer  for  him. 
About  eleven  o'clock,  the  Lord  spoke  peace  to  his 
soul.  The  change  was  pleasant  and  visible,  in  the 
tranquibjoy  he  expressed  to  have  in  God  his  Saviour. 
When  the  father  saw  this,  with  a  sedate  countenance, 
and  a  tear  softly  stealing  from  his  eyes,  he  went  to 
his  wife  and  said,  (taking  her  by  the  hand,)  *'Our  son 
has  given  himself  to  the  Lord,  and  I  am  resolved  to 
seek  the  Lord  too ;  will  you  go  with  me  ?"  Then 
for  the  first  time,  they  began  to  pray.  Thus,  the 
Lord  wrought  gloriously. 

But  after  all,  there  were  still  many  led  away  by 
the  error  of  the 'Wicked.  Deistical  opinions,  and  re- 
fined Antinomianism,  called  Universalism,  prevailed; 
and  in  some  places  were  popular.  These  opinions 
were  evidently  embraced,  I  think,  only  to  quiet  a 
troubled  conscience  without  repentance,  or  a  thorough 
reformation  from  sinful  habits  ;  and  to  serve  also  as 
an  opiate  to  lull  the  mind  into  a  carnal  secure  slate  ; 
and  at  the  same  time  to  stimulate  it  with  confidence, 
that  they  might  talk  against  practical  godliness  and 
experimental  religion,  like  one  whose  head  is  full  of 
strong  drink  ;  for  so  they  would  talk,  and  laugh,  and 
crack  their  jokes,  so  that  a  venerable  grave  mind 
would  only  feel  disgust  and  grief,  and  choose  rather* 
lo  let  them  have  their  talk,  than  make  any  reply ; 


i 


i9;i 


fearing  that  if  they  should  **answer  a  fool  according 
to  his  folly,"  they  would  be  like  him. 

Though  the  Calvinists  were  erroneous  in  their  no- 
tions of  unconditional  election  and  eternal  decrees, 
yet  they  believed  in  repentance  and  a  life  of  strict 
morality  and  piety,  as  essential  to  happiness  with  God 
in  time  and  eternity.  Their  creed  of  justification, 
adoption,  and  sanctification,  was  (with  a  small  excep- 
tion), well  expressed. 

l&t.  "Justification  is  an  act  of  God's  free  grace, 
wherein  he  pardoneth  all  our  sins  and  accepteth  us 
as  righteous  in  his  sight,"  &c. 

2d.  ** Adoption  is  a  work  of  God's  Spirit,  whereby 
we  are  received  into  the  number,  and  have  a  right  to 
all  the  privileges  of  the  sons  of  God,"  &c. 

3d.  "Sanctification  is  a  work  of  God's  Spirit, 
whereby  we  are  renewed  in  the  whole  man  after  the 
image  of  God,  and  are  enabled  to  die  unto  sin  and 
live  unto  righteousness."  Tlien  the  whole  is  recap- 
itulated thus  : 

"  What  benefits  do  flo^v  to  believers  in  this  life 
from  justification,  adoption,  and  sanctification  ?" 

Answer,  Ist.  "Assurance  of  God's  love."  2d. 
**  Peace  of  conscience."  3d.  "  Joy  in  the  Holy 
Ghost,"  &c. 

These  are  benefits  that  flow  to  believers  in  this 
life.  Assurance  of  God's  love  :  and  yet  not  know 
that  we  are  converted  or  born  again,  is  a  contradic- 
tion, that  in  time,  I  think,  learned  men  will  be  asham- 
ed of.     But  this  doctrine   is  pure  Gospel  truth,  and 

9 


A 


^•1 


lipsP* 


9M  people  become  aifected  and  goyerned  by  ihose 
truths,^  ihey  will  agree  in  every  thing  that  inspires 
true  Christian  fellowship.  Our  doctrines  of  justifi- 
cation, assurance,  and  perfection,  are  all  the  sarae  aa 
theirs,  only  they  vary  a  little  in  mode  of  expression. 

After  I  had  travelled  this  year  on  Granville  circuit, 
I  attended  the  conference  in  New  York,  and  it  was 
a  good  conference,  much  love  and  good  will  were 
manifest  in  the  preachers. 

Holiness  was  still  our  aim.  This  doctrine  was,  in 
our  view,  of  the  highest  importance  to  the  Christian 
world,  and  the  grand  mark  of  our  high  calling.  Per- 
fect repentance,  perfect  faith,  perfect  love,  were  all 
implied  in  the  grand  doctrine  of  holiness,  and  every 
one  seemed  to  pant  after  it,  as  the  hart  panteih  for 
the  cooling  water  brook.  To  see  this  among  so  many 
preachers,  though  myself  the  least,  when  I  went  from 
the  conference  I  was  refreshed  as  with  new  wine  ; 
and  as  a  giant,  I  felt  strong  to  run  my  course,  to  re- 
new the  war  against  the  devil  and  sin. 

I  received  my  appointment  to  travel  with  brother 
P.  JxYJiE,  on  Long-Island.  June,  1 832,  we  took  our 
circuit ;  and  coming  from  a  circuit  where  I  had  live- 
ly meetings,  and  from  among  a  people  of  quite  dif- 
ferent fashions,  it  proved  somewhat  trying  at  first  * 
but  as  my  commission  was  to  oppose  the  devil  and 
sin,  and  preach  the  necessity  of  holiness,  and  know 
nothing  among  the  people  but  Jesus  Christ,  and  him 
crucified,  I  applied  myself  to  study  and  puch  pray- 
er. The  Bible  was  my  principal  book.  I  also  this 
year  renewed  my  study  of  physic,  under  the  direction 


lyo 


of  Dr.  ScHRiEVEs  and  Dr.  Wainright,  of  New  York. 
Some  knowledge  of  the  human  system,  and  a  survey 
of  God's  works  in  creation,  gave  my  soul  new  springs. 
I  read  Mr.  Wesley's  Natural  Philosophy,  Chesel- 
den's  Anatomy,  and  several  books  on  Pharmacy.  A 
study  of  the  disorders  of  the  body  as  well  as  those  of 
the  mind,  quickened  my  soul  in  the  work  of  the  min- 
istry. But  I  found  my  ignorance  of  languages,  es- 
pecially of  the  Latin  and  Greek,  made  my  study  of 
the  science  of  physic  very  hard  ;  yet  I  so  ardently 
longed  for  a  knowledge  of  the  science,  that  1  improv- 
ed every  moment  of  spare  time  in  committing  to 
memory  those  things  to  which  my  instructors  directed 
me.  After  retiring  to  rest,  I  made  it  a  practice  to 
study  as  long  as  1  could  well  keep  awake,  and  then 
pray  to  the  Lord  to  bless  all  my  labor  to  my  good, 
and  help  me  to  remember  all  I  read.  Again  and 
again,  after  an  hard  da)''s  work  of  travelling,  preach- 
ing, meeting  class,  praying  in  families,  reading  about 
fifty  pages,  and  close  thinking,  I  have  lain  down  to 
sleep,  and  sweetly  dreamed  the  subject  all  over. 
This  I  considered  as  an  answer  to  prayer,  for  I  could 
say  with  the  poet, 

••  Awake  or  asleep,  at  home  or  abroad, 
I  was  still  surrounded  with  my  God." 

But  though  I  was  ignorant  of  the  learned  languages, 
and  but  a  poor  scholar  in  the  English,  yet  I  fancied 
that  I  could  acquire  a  sufficient  knowledge  of  the 
science  by  reading  English  authors  to  enable  me  to 
be  useful  to  my  fellow  creatures,  and  serve  my  God 


19G 


1^7 


in  this  world.  But  travelling  about  three  hundred 
*  miles  in  four  weeks,  and  preaching  about  once  a  day 
or  twenty-eight  sermons  in  four  weeks,  and  meeting 
more  than  twenty  classes,  including  altogether  be- 
tween four  and  five  hundred  members,  afforded  me 
but  little  time  for  study ;  yet  I  could  redeem  two  or 
three  hours  each  day,  besides  what  I  took  out  of  my 
sleeping  hours.  O,  thought  I,  what  an  advantage 
those  have  who  were  educated  in  the  classics,  and 
had  stored  their  minds  with  a  critical  knowledge  of 
the  sciences  before  they  began  their  public  labors. 
But  then  again  I  thought  if  they  are  but  drones,  they 
will  bring  no  honey  to  the  hive  ;  besides,  the  bees 
generally  sting  the  drones  to  death  in  the  fall,  and  so 
it  will  be  with  those  who  have  talents  and  bury  them, 
they  will  be  stung  with  remorse  when  it  will  be  too 
late  to  prepare  for  eternity. 

After  going  around  the  circuit,  and  from  West  to 
East  of  the  island,  and  had  hired  a  room  to  move  my 
family  in,  I  took  ship  and  sailed  to  Albany,  ihen  went 
to  Greenbush,  or  Bethlehem,  where  my  family  had 
lived  for  two  years,  and  took  them  with  me  to  Long- 
Island.  But  the  parting  was  a  weeping  scene,  not 
because  we  left  our  house,  our  hired  log  house,  that 
leaked  in  every  part  of  the  roof  when  it  rained, — no  ! 
but  many  tears  were  shed  by  Dutch  and  English, 
and  many  followed  us  to  Albany  and  on  board  the 
sloop,  where  a  stoic  philosopher  might  have  been  af- 
fected, if  he  prized  friendship  above  musty  books,  to 
see  those  who  two  years  before  were  entire  strangers, 
now  embrace  each  other  as  sisters,  most  affectionate 


and  endearing.  I  never  can  forget  that  scene.  My 
dear  wife  would  gladly  have  suffered  another  year  in 
her  hovel,  (for  it  scarcely  deserved  the  name  of  house) 
to  enjoy  the  society  of  those  sisters,  many  of  whom 
were  entire  strangers  to  religion,  when  she  first  be- 
came acquainted  with  them,  and  many  were  brought 
to  experience  religion  through  her  instrumentality. 
She  was  to  them  a  nursing  mother.  But  now  they 
must  part ;  and  what  grieved  them  most  of  all,  was 
a  fear  that  they  should  see  us  no  more.  One  would 
have  supposed  that  so  many  friends  would  have  sup- 
plied us  with  a  mint  of  money.  But  no  !  cash,  they 
had  but  little,  and  some  had  none  ;  but  of  a  little 
they  gave  us  a  little,  and  their  hearty  prayers.  So 
we  parted. 

On  our  passage  we  met  with  nothing  distressing, 
except  sailing  through  Tappan  Bay,  when  a  squall 
struck  us,  and  shivered  our  rigging  some,  and  had 
nearly  overset  us  ;  but  our  good  captain  foresaw  the 
evil  and  prevented  it.  However,  it  was  a  thunder- 
ing noise  on  deck  with  the  wind  and  sails  for  awhile. 
This  was  the  first  time  I  ever  saw  the  wind  take  up 
hogsheads  of  water,  and  dividing  it  into  millions  of 
sprays,  carry  it  to  a  great  height,  whirling  it  about  in 
great  fury.  Our  captain  said  if  we  had  been  twenty 
yards  nearer  the  whirlwind,  it  would  have  taken  off 
his  mast  and  all  his  deck  load.  But  the  Lord  ruled 
the  storm,  and  saved  us. 

On  our  way  up  the  sound  from  New  York  to  Cow- 
Harbor,  we  had  many  passengers.  Among  whom 
was  one  Deist,  very  talkative.     He  said  to  the  com- 


198 

pany  on   deck,  that   there  was  no  hell.     "  No,"  he 
said,  "  I  don't  believe  there  is  any  hell.     Though  I 
have  read  m  books,  and  my  father  has  told  me  there 
is  a  hell,  yet  I  ought  not  to  believe  it  unless  I  have 
seen  it.     I  am   not  obliged  to  believe   what  I  nev- 
er saw,  and  I  never  saw  hell  nor  any  one  that  ever 
did  see  it,  and  I  don't  believe  there  is  any  hell."     I 
looked  up  upon   him,  and  said,   "  Ah  !  ha  !  Do  you 
not  believe  what  you  never  saw  ?"     He  said,  "  no." 
•*  Ah  !  do  you  not  believe  you  have  got  a  backbone  ?" 
He  said,  "yes  ;"  '*  and  did  you  ever  see  it  ?"     **  No.'' 
"  Then  you  believe  one  thing  you  never  saw."  "Ah  ! 
well,"  said  he,  "  I  have  an  experience  of  that,  and  I 
mean  that  I  am  not  required  to  believe  what  I  never 
had  an  experience  of,  though  my  father  has  told  me, 
and  I  have  read  in  books."     "  Well,  well,"  I   said, 
"  ril  bring  you  a  handful  of  rats-bane,  and  tell  you  it 
is  sweet  and  good  to  eat ;   but  you  will  say,  *  no,  it 
is  not  good,  it  will  poison  me   to  death.'     1   would 
say,  *  what  makes  you  believe  it  is  poison,  and  that 
it  would  poison  you  to  death  ?     Your  father  has  told 
you,  and  you  have  read  in  books  that  it  would  poison 
you  to  death.     But  you  are  not  obliged  to  believe  it 
is  poison,  or  that  it  will  poison  you  to  death,  unless 
you  have  an  experience  of  it.     If  fyou  have  been 
poisoned  to  death,  then  you  may  believe  it  is  poison, 
so  you'll  get  to  hell  and  then  you'll  believe  ihere  is  a 
hell.'  "     I  told  him  he  had  as  good   a  right  to  go  to 
hell  as  any  man,  but  it  was  not  good  sense  to  choose 
death,  when  he    might  choose  life.     He  then  began 
the  old  rhapsodies  of  stale  invectives  against  Moses 


1«0 


and  the  Holy  men  of  old  ;  because  ihey,  when  com- 
manded  of  God,  warred  against  cities,  and  nations, 
and  put  to  death  men,  women,  and  innocent  children  ; 
and  this  last  he  spoke  with  emphasis — innocent  chil- 
dren. 

What  cruelty,  and  inhumanity  !  Would  the  God 
of  goodness  command  such  a  thing?  He  then  said, 
"  No  !  no  !"  I  said,  "  God  has  a  right  to  kill  good 
or  bad  people,  without  your  leave  :  he  can  destroy 
people  by  a  storm  of  fire  and  brimstone  from  heaven 
as  he  did  Sodom  ;  or  sink  an  island,  or  continent 
with  an  earthquake  ;  or  kill  by  pestilence  or  plague, 
or  sword,  whoever  he  pleases,  or  with  a  flash  of  light- 
ning, strike  a  good  man  dead.  And  who  are  you, 
that  shall  reply  against  God  ?  These  things  he  has 
done,  and  these  things  he  is  still  doing,  and  he  is  still 
good  unto  all,  and  his  tender  mercies  are  over  all  his 
works." 

After  this  I  said,  "Well,  sir,  as  you  say  you  will 
not  believe  any  thing  you  have  never  seen  or  had  an 
experience  of,  do  you  believe  there  is  a  heaven  ?" 
He  said,  "  No."  "  Well,  as  you  don't  believe  there 
is  a  heaven,  or  a  hell,  where  will  you  go  when  you 
die  ?"  "  O,  I  shall  transmigrate,  I  suppose,  into 
some  fine  horse."  "  Ah  !  ha  !"  said  1,  "  then  it  is 
transmigration  you  believe  in.  Well,  well,  if  you 
get  drowned  here  in  the  sound,  and  the  horse-feet  eat 
you,  you  will  then  turn  into  a  horse-foot,  and  then  the 
fishermen  may  catch  you,  and  give  you  to  the  hogs, 
and  then  you  would  turn  into  a  hog ;  and  then  if 
some  dog  should  bile  you  for  your  mischief,  and  you 


200 

die  of  the  wound,  the  women  might  try  you  up  for 
soap  grease,  and  make  you  into  soap,  and  that  will 
be  the  end  of  you.  *•*  •**  ***  And  do  you  think 
God  has  made  human  beings  to  transmigrate  into 
brutes  and  reptiles,  and  be  liable  to  be  made  into  soap 
grease?  If  you  choose  to  embrace  sentiments  that 
will  make  a  brute  of  you,  you  are  welcome  to  the 
honor  of  it." 

Though  I  answered  this  fool  according  to  his  folly, 
yet  I  did  it,  not  to  be  like  him  ;  but  lest  he  should  be 
wise  in  his  own  conceit.  Much  other  conversation 
on  the  subject  of  the  providence  of  God,  was  had 
while  sailing  up  for  six  or  eight  hours.  Though  he 
believed  there  was  a  God,  yet  he  would  not  believe 
man  was  accountable  to  God,  so  as  to  be  liable  to 
praise  or  blame,  or  to  be  rewarded  for  his  good  or 
bad  deeds. 

But  so  it  was,  that  the  captain  of  the  vessel  and 
some  of  his  neighbors  on  board,  said  afterwards,  that 
it  was  the  best  discourse  they  had  ever  heard  ;  be- 
cause they  could  remember  so  much  of  it,  and  they 
talked  so  much  about  it  through  Cow-Harbor  after- 
ward, that  it  proved  a  means  of  stirring  up  many  to 
seek  the  Lord,  so  that  about  a  year  after,  a  large  so- 
ciety was  formed  there  ;  and  I  was  informed  that  this 
debate  was  the  first  means  of  the  work. 

Long-Island  affords  a  different  scene,  in  many  re- 
spects, from  what  I  had  been  accustomed  to.  In  the 
first  place,  there  was  a  great  proportion  of  drunkards  ; 
and  the  spirit  of  wickedness  was  in  many  respects  a 
different  spirit  from  any  I  had  met  with  on  the  main. 


201 

Insomuch  that  the  Long-Island  devil  seemed  to  be  a 
different  devil,  from  that  in  other  places, — a  stupid 
indifference,  either  as  to  religion,  or  the  honors  of  the 
world,  prevailed  generally.  They  had  a  pretty  good 
share,  however,  of  the  love  of  money.  But  too  many 
only  wanted  money  to  buy  something  to  get  drunk 
with.  It  is  a  pleasant  country  for  farmers,  and  they 
generally  live  well.— -But  a  great  part  of  the  people 
living  on  the  shores,  especially  the  south  side,  get 
their  living  by  fishing,  and  catching  clams  and  oys- 
ters,  and  sending  them  to  market.  This  is  a  good 
employment,  but  many  are  apt  to  drink  too  much  ar- 
dent  spirits.  The  people  on  the  island,  are  by  no 
means  an  inquisitive  people  ;  but  quite  reserved  to 
strangers.  I  inquired  the  way  to  Hempstead,  of  an 
old  man  who  appeared  to  be  sixty-five,  and  he  told 
me  he  never  was  there,  that  he  had  never  been  over 
one  mile  east  of  his  farm,  and  never  to  New  York 
but  once,  though  he  lived  about  a  mile  east  of  Ja- 
maica. 

The  Quaker  customs  and  fashions  prevailed  very 
much;  especially  to  say  but  Httle  or  nothing  about 
religion  ;  and  what  religion  they  had  was  so  inward, 
that  it  seldom  or  never  showed  itself  outward.  Still- 
ness is  a  good  policy  sometimes ;  but  when  called  to 
witness  for  a  friend  in  a  good  cause,  silence  is  an  in- 
dignity. But  as  the  poet  says  of  some,  so  say  I  of 
them : 

"  Look'd  wise,  said  nothing,  an  unerring  way. 
When  people  nothing  have  to  say.** 

9* 


■^ 


20'J 


But  sometimes  iliey  could  be  drawn  into  some  dis- 
course on  the  subject  of  religion,  and  when  that  was 
the  case,  they  must  talk  about  the  inward  work  only. 
I  said,  *'  nay,  but  I  want  to  talk  about  the  outward 
fruit  too,  for  I  can  know  nothing  of  an  inward  work 
that  does  not  show  itself  by  outward  fruit.  *  By  their 
fruits  we  are  to  know  them,'  saith  our  Lord.  And 
did  you  ever  know  fruit  grow  inside  of  a  tree,  that 
we  could  neither  see  nor  partake  of?  Have  you 
faith,  and  love,  and  joy,  and  peace  ?  And  do  you 
increase  and  abound  more  and  more  in  the  fruits  of 
the  spirit  ?"  They  would  begin  to  talk  about  George 
Fox,  and  Berkeley,  and  William  Penn,  and  some 
other  celebrated  characters  of  iheir  order.  But  sel- 
dom I  could  find  one  that  knew  any  thing  about  a 
change  of  his  own  heart.  I  supposed  that  it  was  a 
low  lime  with  them  in  religion ;  but  when  I  found 
ihcm  so  generally  ignorant  of  the  new  birth,  I  conclu- 
ded they  were  a  fallen  people,  and  I  said,  "  they  no 
longer  deserved  the  name  of  Quaker,  for  they  neither 
quaked  nor  trembled  at  God's  word."  Indeed,  1 
found  them  a  little  ashamed  of  the  name  of  Quaker, 
and  they  showed  an  itching  notion  to  call  themselves 
Friends,  when  they  did  not  evince  by  spirit  or  con- 
duct any  great  friendship  for  any  order  but  their  own. 
They  appeared  to  be  great  enemies  to  the  ordinan- 
ces of  Christ,  to  which  other  denominations  were 
friendly  ;  and  other  sects  of  people  often  showed 
them  civilities  by  allowing  them  to  hold  meeting 
among  them  and  in  their  meeting-houses,  which  they 
were  very  willing  to  improve  ;  but  they  would  not 


203 

return  the  like  favors  ;  therefore  they  were  not  enti- 
tled to  the  name  Friends  quite  so  much  as  other  or- 
ders were  ;  yet  I  was  willing  to  treat  them  all  as 
friends  ;  and  I  can  say,  friend  Presbyterian,  friend 
Baptist,  friend  Churchman,  friend  Lutheran,  friend 
Moravian,  friend  Methodist,  friend  Quaker;  but  I 
was  not  willing  to  call  them  by  that  name  to  desig- 
nate them  from  others.  As  they  had  once  quaked 
and  trembled  more  than  other  people,  and  had  been 
denominated  Quakers  by  their  quaking,  I  must  there- 
fore call  them  by  that  name  now,  though  they  little 
deserve  it. 

Their  solemn  profession  that  they  were  led  by  the 
Spirit,  made  me  reverence  them  as  a  good  sort  of 
people,  for  1  thought  highly  of  every  one  that  was  led 
by  the  Spirit  of  God.  But  when  I  saw  their  fruits 
were  not  the  fruits  of  the  Spirit  of  God,  I  doubted  the 
correctness  of  their  profession,  and  often  grieved  that 
a  people  who  professed  so  much  of  the  Spirit,  should 
manifest  so  little  of  it. 

But  Long-Island  is  peculiar  for  a  people  that  are 
still  about  religion.  I  thought  if  they  are  asleep 
they  must  be  awaked  ;  and  as  drunkenness  was  a 
prevailing  sin,  I  cried  against  it  with  all  my  might. 
1  soon  found  the  enemy  was  hit,  for  many  began  to 
flutter  and  oppose  me,  so  that  I  had  to  apply  to  the 
civil  authority  to  defend  myself  from  their  rage. 

When  preaching  in  one  of  the  harbors,  in  a  house 
on  one  of  the  docks  at  North-Hempstead,  one  even- 
ing some  wicked  fellows  took  great  offence,  because 
the  young  women  of  that  place  were  awakened  and 


204 


205 


were  humbly  seeking  the  Lord,  therefore  they  rould 
not  get  them  to  go  with  them  to  frolics,  and  they  laid 
all  the  blame  to  me.  So  they  came  out  in  a  mob  and 
beset  the  house.  They  consulted  what  to  do.  As 
they  saw  through  the  window  that  I  stood  on  the  fur- 
ther side  of  the  room  preaching,  and  opposite  to  me 
was  a  candle  in  a  large  brass  candlestick  ;  so  they 
appointed  a  stout  young  man  of  their' party  to  go  in 
and  take  that  candlestick  and  throw  it  at  my  head, 
and  then  rush  out.  This  they  said  would  break  up 
the  meeting,  aild  all  the  people  would  rush  out  after 
him,  and  if  I  came  o\it  they  would  catch  me  in  the 
dark  and  throw  me  into  the  sound.  So  this  young 
man  came  in,  and  took  up  the  candlestick  according 
to  their  plan.  T  saw  he  behaved  oddly  and  strangely  ; 
and  while  preaching  I  kept  my  eye  upon  him.  He 
made  some  motions  as  if  he  would  throw  the  candle- 
stick at  me  ;  and  just  then  hearing  some  voices  out 
of  doors,  I  concluded  the  devil  was  in  him,  and  in 
those  out  of  doors  ;  and  while  he  was  lookinsj  at  me, 
I  broke  off  preaching  abruptly,  and  said  lo  him, 
"  Young  man,  the  devil  is  out  of  doors  calling  for  you. 
Set  down  that  candlestick,  and  go  out  to  him."  He 
immediately  set  down  the  candlestick  and  went  out. 
As  he  was  going  out,  I  cried  out,  "  That  is  a  faithful 
servant  of  the  devil.  No  sooner  is  he  informed  that 
his  master  wants  him,  than  he  goes  immediately." 
We  had  no  more  disturbance  that  night;  for  some 
reason  they  all  departed  from  around  the  house.  But 
the  next  day  when  I  was  riding  from  this  place,  I  fell 
in  with  a  man  that  was  going  on  my  way.     He  began 


to  relate  to  me  a  scene  he  had  witnessed  the  night  be- 
fore in  that  place.     He  said,  "I  live  below  this,  about 
two  miles ;  and  yest/^rday  I  heard  there  was  to  be  a 
meeting  in  the  harbor  at  night ;  so  I  came  up  to  at- 
tend it. — But  1  was  somewhat  late,  and  I  found  around 
the  door  a  mob  that  had  assembled ;  they  said,  *  they 
were  going  to  put  the  preacher  into  the  dock,  and  had 
s?nt  in  one  of  their  party  to  throw  a  large  candlestick 
at  the  preacher's  head,  and  then  rush  out.*     Some  of 
them  called  out,  *  come  out  here.'     I  tried  iq  reason 
with  them,  and  persuade  them  not  to  disturb  the  meet- 
ing.    Though  1  did  not  know  who  was  preaching,  yet 
I  told  them  I  served  seven  years  in  the  revolutionary 
war  for  liberty,  and  I  believed  every  denomination 
ought  to  have  liberty  to  worship  God  as  they  pleased ; 
but  they  swore  they  would  put  the  preacher  off  the 
dock  into  the  sound.     Then  I  felt,"  said  he,  *Hhe  spi- 
rit  of  seventy-six  arising  in  me,  and  I  took  a  second 
thought,  that  I  had  better  go  home,  for  if  I  staid  there 
I  should  certainly  fight ;  and   that  might   be  bad  for 
me,  as  I  was  a  stranger  in  the  place,  and  none  would 
know  but  I  was  of  the  mob." 

When  I  had  heard  him  through  this  statement',  I 
asked  him  if  he  knew  any  of  the  men.  He  said  he 
knew  six  of  them,  and  told  me  their  names.  I  then 
asked  him  "  if  he  was  willing  to  go  before  a  magis- 
trate and  swear  to  the  truth  of  this  statement.  He 
said,  **  yes."  I  then  told  him  that  I  was  the  preach- 
er that  they  iatended  to  put  into  the  sound.  He 
seemed  rejoiced  that  he  had  met  with  me,  and  in- 
formed me  where  Esquire  Smith  lived ;  and  went 


*ii,A*flii, 


206 

with  me  there,  where  he  related  the  whole  alory.— 
Esquire  Smith  look  down  the  names,  and  desired 
to  defer  the  receiving  the  formal  complaint,  until  he 
should  write  to  them,  and  if  they  did  not  come  for- 
ward and  make  satisfaction  to  me  when  I  came 
around  in  four  weeks,  he  would  then  proceed  with 
them  according  to  law.  Accordingly  lie  wrote  to 
them,  and  one  of  them  came  forward  and  made  con- 
fession and  promised  good  behavior  in  future. But 

the  other  five  run  away,  so  that  none  knew  where  to 
find  them. 

Thus  the  persecution  ended ;  we  had  no  more  dis- 
turbanceat  Hempstead-Harbor. 

My  preaching  against  drunkenness  gave  offence  to 
many,  for  there  were  more  or  less  drunkards  in  every 
place,  and  some    of  all  ranks,  insomuch  that  some 
thought  intemperance  a  thing  of  course.     I  innocent- 
ly offended  the  church  members  of  one  church,  where 
their  minister  had  invited  me  to  preach  in  his  pulpit, 
when  I  had   occasion   to  ^  speak  against  the  sin  of 
drunkenness,  and  had  slated  in  my  discourse  that  it 
was  not  only  a  sin,  but  a  great  disgrace.     I  then  in- 
troduced  the  plea  and   defence  drunkards  generally 
make  lo  support  their  sinking  character.     I  remarked 
that  drunkards  will  say,  '•  donU  account  us  a  dishon- 
orable class  of  community,  for  we  have  Captain  such 
an  one  in   our  company,   and  Colonel  such  an  one, 
and  General  such  an  one,  and  Esquire  such  an  one,' 

and  Deacon   such  an    one,  and  the   Rev.  Mr. ! 

such  an  one."  Then  I  lifted  up  my  hands,  and  cried, 
"0  Lord  God,  have  mercy  on  the  Church;  if  the 


207 

Reverends  have  got  into  the  drunken  company."     I 
did  not   know  tlial  the  minister  was  in  habits  of  in- 
temperance.    But  his  church  members   supposed  I 
knew,  and  therefore  ihey  said,  I  had  insulted  him  by 
exposing  him  thus  openly.     So  they  were  offended. 
There  was   nothing  said  about  it  lo  me,  until  about 
four  weeks  after  ;  when  I  was  informed  of  the  high 
offence  I   had  given   to   those  church   members,  in 
what  they  called  insulting   their  minister.-^    I  was 
very  sorry  that  I  could  not  draw  a  bow  at  a  venture, 
but  the  arrow  would  hit  high  dignitaries.     And  I  was 
also  sorry,  because  I  was  not  to  be  invited  to  preach 
there  again.     So  the  dear  deluded  church  members, 
defended  their  minister,  drunk  or  sober.     They  ac- 
knowledged he  had  been  the  worse  for  liquor,  fre- 
quently ;  and  his  common  dram  was  a   half  pint  of 
brandy,  and  sometimes  repealing  this,  three  or  four 
limes  a  day,  would  produce  a  little  intoxication  by 

night. 

It  appeared  to  me  tliat  the  drunkards  of  Ephraim 
were  not  worse  than  the  drunkards  on  Long-Island, 
and  like  Ephraim,  they  were  like  a  cake  not  baked. 
But  though  there  was  a  greater  proportion  of  the 
people  drunkards,  than  in  other  places  where  I  had 
travelled,  yet  ihere  were  many,  very  many,  sober 
and  very  sensible  people.  We  had  revivals  of  re- 
ligion in  almost  every  part  of  the  Island  ;  Newtown, 
Hempstead,  Rockaway,  Commack,  or  Huntingdon, 
and  Smithlown,  Coram,  and  Soulhold,  and  River- 
head.  Some  in  all  these  places  were  awakened,  and 
I  trust,  soundly  converted. 


m 


I 

1 1 


»4 


209 


1^ 


CHAPTER  X. 

Many  conversions  were  attended  wiih  visible  de- 
monsiralions  of  the  power  of  God.     Some  say,  *»  God 
IS  not  in  the  whirlwind,  or  earthquake  ;  but  he  is  in 
the  still  small  voice."     But  I  think  if  any  one  will 
read  1  Kings  xix.  1—16,  they  will  find  ii  is  not  said, 
"  God  was  in   the  still  small  voice."     But  I  believe 
God  sometimes  speaks   in  a  small  low  voice.     And 
sometimes  in  a  voice  of  thunder,  that  even  a  Moses 
would  say,  "  I  do  exceedingly  fear  and  quake."     And 
God  spake  to  Job  out  of  the  whirlwind  :  so  that  he 
has  different  ways  of  communicating  himself  to  men. 
But  man  !— poor  puny  man  !  is  not  willing  to  be  in- 
structed  with  any  thing,  but  a  still  small  voice  ;  and 
that  so  small,  that  they  cannot  be  frightened  with  it. 
It  is  a  hard  matter  so  to  preach,  as  to  suit  the  taste 
of  all.     But  God  owns  the  sons  of  thunder,  as  well 
as  the  sons  of  consolation.     And  some  are  converted 
by  one  means,  and  some  by  another. 

I  had  some  business  to  settle  in  Berkshire  county, 
Massachusetts  ;  and  late  in  the  fall.  I  left  my  circuit,' 
to  attend  to  it.  On  this  journey  I  had  some  power- 
ful  meetings ;  and  some  extraordinary  rencounters. 
At  one  tavern  in  Columbia  county,  while  my  horse 


was  bailing,  I  had  an  agreeable  conversation  with  a 
lawyer,  on  the  authenticity  of  the  Scriptures,  and  the 
reality  of  religion.     Many  other  gentlemen  were  pre- 
sent, and  all  attentive   to  our  conversation.     There 
came  in  a  young  gentleman  dressed  in  ruffles,  with  a 
powdered   head, — with  gloves    and  silver  mounted 
whip;  he  strutted  around  the  room,  smacked  his  lips, 
made   some  inquiries  of  the  landlord,  and   showed 
uneasiness  that  he  could  not  get  the  audience  of  the 
company.     The  lawyer   and  I  were  in  such  close 
conversation,  and  the  other  gentlemen  took  such  in- 
terest in  our  conversation  that  they  would  not  give  the 
young  coxcomb  an  audience.     He  took  offence,  and 
came  and  stood   before  me,  looking  down   upon  me 
in  a  disdainful  manner  ;  and  when  I  had  done  giving 
the  reasons   for  a  certain  doctrine   the   lawyer  had 
asked  about,  this  young  dandy  gentleman,  asked  me 
in  a  sarcastic  tone,  *'  are  you  not  a  Methodist  preach- 
er?"    I  looked  up  upon  him,  and  answered  "yes." 
"  I  thought  you  were,"  he  quickly  replied   with  a 
scowl.     I  said,  "did  you   ever  hear   the  Methodists 
preach  ?"     He  answered,  "  yes,   I  have  heard  them 
make  a  hallooing  and  bawling,  as  though  they  were 
all  crazy."     I  replied,  "  I  suppose  you  thought  so." 
"  Ah  !"  said  he,  "  I  was  not  alone  in  it."     "  No," 
said  I,  "  you  had  the  multitude  with  you."     He  said, 
"  I  suppose  you  would  make  a  hallooing,  and  bawling, 
as  bad  as  any  of  them,  if  the  Spirit  come  upon  you  ?" 
I  said,  **  yes,  when  the  Spirit  of  the  Lord  God  comes 
upon  me,  I  will  make  as  much  hallooing  and  bawling 
as  you  can  when  the  spirit  of  the  devil  is  upon  you  ; 


210 

yes,  sir,  I  will  out  do  you  in  it ;  I  will  he  more  faiih- 
ful  for   God,  than  you  can  be  for  the  devil,  and  do 
your  best,  sir."     He  looked  down,  and  nestled  about 
a  little  as  though  he  knew  not  what  to  say.     But  di- 
rectly turns   about,  and  says,  "  Which  way  are  you 
travelling  ?"     I  said,  "I  am  going  to  New  York,  sir." 
**  O,  you  had  better  go  with  me,  I  have  a  good  place 
for  a  Methodist  preacher."     I  said,  "  no,  1  will  not  go 
with  you,  for  you   are  going  to  hell."     "  No,"  he 
said,  "I  am   not  going   to  hell."     "Well,"  I  said, 
"  you  are  then  going  to  the  gallows,  for  you  look  like 
a  gallows-bird."     By  this  time  he  was  fixing  his 
gloves  on,  and  said,  "  Ah  !  I  should  not  have  said  any 
thing,  but  some  people  are  so  impertinent,  that  they 
will  have  all  the  conversation."     I  turned  around  and 
said,  "  gentlemen,  if  I  have  said  any  thing  unbecom- 
ing a  gentleman,  since  I  have  been  in  the  house,  I 
will  thank  you   to  tell  me,  and  I  will  make  my  ac- 
knowledgment."    Nearly  all  spoke  at  once  and  said, 
"  not  at  all,  sir ;  you  have  said  nothing  amiss."  Some 
of  them  spoke  with  tears  in  their  eyes.    I  then  turned 
around  and  said,  '*  then  the  impertinence  must  lie  in 
the  ears  of  this  young  man."     He  said,  **  I  did  not 
say  that  you  were  impertinent."     I  replied,  "  I  don't 
know  what  your  impudence  might  have  led  you  to 
say.    I  perceive,  young  man,  that  you  are  destitute  of 
good  manners."     He    said,  "  I  have  good  manners 
too,"  as  he  hurried  to  the  door  to  go  out.     "  Well,  if 
you  have,  you  are  keeping  them  as  an  old  man  I 
heard  of,  did  for  his  children,  he  never  used  any  him- 
self."    After  he  was  gone,  I  said  to  the  people,  "  I 


211 


!!itf 


was  sorry  any  young  gentlemen  would  give  them- 
selves such  airs,  as  to  treat  religion  wiih  contempt ; 
it  was  evident  our  conversalion  gave  him  offence." 
The  lawyer  thought  it  was  very  likely ;  for  young 
gentlemen,  he  said,  **  that  embrace  Deistical  princi- 
ples, think  it  quite  honorable  to  lampoon  religion  ; 
but  I  think  it  will  be  a  seasonable  admonition  to 
him."  1  said,  *.*  I  thought  I  would  answer  the  fool 
according  to  his  folly,  lest  he  should  be  wise  in  his 
own  conceit :  and  as  Dean  Swift  says,  *  Never  hew 
blocks  xoith  a  razor. ^  " 

In  another  tavern,  I  broke  up  a  company  of  gam- 
blers playing  cards.  I  threatened  the  landlord  that 
I  would  prosecute  him,  for  allowing  any  to  play 
cards  in  his  house.  I  threatened  the  young  men  too. 
The  landlord  said,  *•'  he  wished  that  I  lived  in  that 
place,  to  break  up  the  practice  of  gambling,  and  he 
knew  it  was  contrary  to  law  to  allow  it  in  his  house." 
I  called  to  the  young  man  that  was  shuffling  his 
cards,  to  hand  them  to  me, — he  did  so,  and  1  threw 
them  on  the  fire,  saying,  "  you  may  think  yourselves 
well  off  if  I  don't  enter  complaint  against  you  for  a 
breach  of  the  peace."  The  landlord  highly  extolled 
my  zeal  to  suppress  immorality.  I  felt  soriy  to  use 
violence  with  any.  But  the  gamblers  said  nothing 
about  the  loss  of  their  cards.  I  saw  they  were  a 
little  frightened,  and  the  family  all  came  in,  and  I 
gave  them  all  an  exhortation  to  repent  and  seek  the 
Lord.     So  I  left  them  in  their  amazement. 

On  my  return  to  the  Island,  I  found  the  work  of 
God  prospering  in  different  places,  but  the  devil  and 


u 


212 

his  agents  made  some  noise.  My  grand  offence  was 
preaching  against  drunkenness  and  Sabbath-break- 
ing. 

I  found  my  dress  in  black  gave  the  people  a  know- 
ledge that  I  was  a  minister.  They  would  therefore 
be  on  their  guard,  and  not  expose  themselves  in  my 
presence.  So  I  got  me  a  watch-coat  of  lion  skin 
cloth,  and  this  served  to  keep  me  warm  and  hide  mv 
ministerial  dress.  As  I  travelled  \bout,  I  found  I 
could  more  easily  discover  the  true  characters  of 
strangers  than  before.  Some  would  venture  to  swear 
in  my  presence,  that  would  not  have  done  so  if  they 
had  known  I  vtras  a  minister.  By  this  means  I  had 
more  work  to  do,  as  I  made  it  a  rule  to  reprove  in  a 
gentle  manner,  all  that  swore  in  my  presence. 

The  oddity  of  my  outside  dress,  puzzled  people  to 
tell  what  1  was.  Some  thought  me  to  be  a  Quaker, 
and  some  took  me  for  a  drover,  and  others  for  a  plain 
country  farmer.  Prejudice  against  dress,  as  well  as 
superstitious  notions  in  favor  of  dress,  I  think  equal* 
ly  argue  weakness  of  mind.  I  have  known  some 
Quakers  and  some  Methodists  so  attached  to  a  cer- 
tain fashion  of  dress,  which  they  call  plain,  that  ihey 
would  by  no  means  be  seen  with  any  other  fashioned 
garment  on.  This  is  what  some  Presbyterians  in 
T^Tew-England  call  superstition. — And  I  have  known 
many  in  New-England,  who  used  curling  of  hair  be- 
fore they  obtained  a  hope,  as  they  call  it,  for  they 
rarely  call  it  being  converted  ;  but  after  they  obtain- 
ed a  hope,  they  took  more  pains  to  curl  and  dress 
themselves  gaily  than  they  did  before,  for  fear  ihey 


111 


215 


should  be  superstitious.  So  Quakers  and  Metho- 
dists are  afraid  of  the  fashions  of  the  world,  as  they 
called  it,  lest  they  should  sin  by  being  proud-  And 
Presbyterians  and  Church  people  sometimes  indulge 
the  more  in  gay  fashions  for  fear  they  should  sin  by 
being  superstitious.  Thus  ihey  are  all  zealous 
to  shun  sin.  But  I  think  if  we  contrast  the  cost  with 
the  convenience,  and  wear  such  clothing  as  best  com- 
ports with  our  purse,  in  quality  and  fashion,  and  at 
the  same  time  serves  to  keep  us  warm  or  cool,  as  oc- 
casion requires,  without  gaudy  or  wanton  show;  but 
as  the  Apostle  saith,  with  modest  apparel,  I  say,  "  I 
think  it  is  our  greatest  wisdom  and  happiness."  And 
as  to  religion  in  dress,  one  fashion  may  possess  as 
much  as  another.  However,  some  think  they  are 
better  with  a  plain  dress  on,  and  some  think  they 
shun  superstition  by  dres.sing  gaily  ;  while  they  are 
as  superstitious  in  a  gay  dress,  as  the  other  is  in  a 
plain  dress,  and  both  are  equally  proud  of  their 
dress ;  and  possibly  both  owe  the  tailor  for  making 
it,  and  have  no  money  to  give  to  a  starving  family. 

0  the  grovelling  idea  that  makes  us  look  for  true 
greatness  in  outward  dress  and  show.  When  I  see 
a  young  minister  intent  upon  dress  and  flowery  speech, 

1  fear  it  is  the  pftiise  of  man  he  seeks,  and  not  the 
good  of  souls.  Does  he  think  a  ministerial  dress  will 
make  a  minister  of  him  ?  And  does  high  sounding 
words,  pronounced  in  the  newest  style,  serve  for  mai- 
ler ?  O  !  no  !  he  is  but  a  tinkling  cymbal,  who  thinks 
so.  My  mind  was  often  led  to  view  what  I  feared 
would  be  a  fatal  mistake  in  some,  who  souglK  for 


f 


u 


1] 


•J  1 1 

popularity.     To  appear  learned,  lliey  were  particular 
to  pronounce  in  llie  newest  fashion. 

But  I   labor  under  great  difficulties  for  want  of  an 
education.     I  am  obliged  to  go  to  my  Lexicon  to  find 
out  the  signification   of  words  and  their  etymology. 
I  found  that  some  who  would  be  ingenious  disputants, 
were  fond  of  coining  words.  In  these  days  the  word 
fontal  was  introduced  to   prove  that  God  and  man 
were  both  the   cause  of  sin.     One   minister  told  me 
that  God  was  the   efficient  cause,  and  man  was  the 
fontal  cause.     This   new  word/o7?^a/,  I  did   not  un- 
derstand.    Well,  like   an   honest  man,  I  asked  him 
what  it  meant,   and  what  it  was  derived  from  ?     He 
said,  "it  was  derived   from  font,  or  fountain."     "O, 
I  begin  to  understand  it,"  said  I,  **  well,  what  next? 
how  is  man    the  fontal  cause  of  sin  ?"     "  Why,"  he 
said,  "  to  explain  it  by  a  similitude.     I  make  an  axe 
helve,  I  am  the  efficient  cause  of  the  axe   helve,  and 
the  tree  is  the  fontal  cause,  because  it  partakes  of  the 
nature  of  the  axe  helve."     "  O,"  said  I,   "  I  think  I 
understand  you ;  God  made  man  upright  like  a  tree 
for  axe  helves  ;  so  man  was  made  to  be  worked  up 
into  sin,  as  the  tree  into  axe  helves.     But  as  the  tree 
cannot  make  axe  helves  of  itself,  so  neither  can  man 
make  sin,  therefore  God  is  the  afent  to  make  sin, 
as  you  were  the  agent   in   making   the   axe  helves. 
But,  sir,  how  is  it   that  man  is  accountable   for  sin, 
and  the  tree  is  not  accountable  for  the  axe  helve,  for 
neither  were  any  thing  more  than  the /ow/aZ  cause. 
But  who  is  to  be  praised  for  a  good  axe  helve,  and 
who  is  to  be  blamed  for  a  bad  one,  but  yourself,  sir  ? 


215 

And  as  man  is  not  sin  any  more  than  the  tree  is  an 
axe  helve,  would  you  intimate  that  God,  by  Almigh- 
ty agency,  makes  good  and  bad  sins  out  of  man  as 
you  make  good  or  bad  axe  helves  out  of  a  tree  ?" 
To  these  objections  he  made  no  other  reply  than  that 
1  did  not  take  his  meaning,  that  it  was  a  great  mys- 
tery, and  if  I  was  learned  I  should  believe  as  he  did. 
"But  we  can't  all  see  alike,"  said  he.  So  our  dis- 
course ended.  My  capacities  and  learning  were  too 
small  to  understand  the  deep  mysteries  of  fontal,  0 
tcmpora  !  O  mores  !  New  words,  and  new  modes 
and  forms,  and  new  ways  of  pronouncing,  have  been 
increasing  since  the  days  of  Nimrod  and  the  building 
of  Babei,  and  they  may  still  increase  till  all  shall 
know  the  X^yxA  from  the  greatest  to  the  least. 

But  it  was  ivot  religious  people  only,  that  invented 
new  words,  physV:ians  also  invented  some  peculiar 
to  themselves.  I  heaid  of  a  case  that  was  said  to 
happen  on  the  Island,  and  though  Pcannot  give  the 
name  of  the  physician,  yei  it  is  so  much  like  some 
that  I  am  acquainted  Wm\  that  I  think  there  is  no 
harm  in  believing  the  report,  h  was  said  that  an 
aged  woman  had  been  long  sicVi,  and  many  doctors 
had  done  their  best  to  cure  her,  bsjt  all  had  failed. 
There  was  yet  one  doctor,  whose  fame  was  great 
among  some  people  ;  but  alas,  he  was  called  a  quack 
by  the  faculty.  However,  the  patient's  friends  must 
have  him  called  in,  so  he  came  ;  and  after  feeling  the 
pulse  awhile,  the  sick  woman  said,  "well,  doctot>  do 
you  know  my  case."  "  O  yes  mem,  it  is  a  plain 
case."     "  Well,  doctor,  what  is  it?"     "  Why  mem, 


U 


216 


^ 


it  is  a  scrutanutory  case"  "  Scrutanutory  case, 
doctor,  pray  what  is  that  ?"  **  It's  a  dropping  of  the 
nerves,  mem"  "  Dropping  of  the  nerves,  doctor  ; 
why,  what's  that  ?"  "  Why,  mem,  the  num-naticals 
drop  down  into  the  pizer  rinctum,  and  the  head  goes 
iizer-rizer,  tizer-rizer"  "  Ah,  doctor,  you  have  hit 
my  case,  it  is  just  so  with  me."  This  to  her  was  un- 
doubtedly a  learned  description  of  her  case,  and  he 
applied  his  remedies  with  such  success  that  she  re- 
covered. But  this  word  making,  was  the  height  of 
learning,  in  the  opinion  of  some. 

I  knew  of  a  minister,  that  took  a  notion  that  tlie 
vfoidselah,  was  used  in  the  Psalms  to  grace  tAe  dic- 
tion of  psalmody.  And  he  thought  to  improve  his 
own  style  in  extempore  preaching,  by  ev^ry  now  and 
ihea  singing  out  selah.  But  this  entity  served  to 
stir  me  up  to  inquire  into  the  me?ii^"g  and  use  of  this 
said  word  selah,  and  to  my  pdrprise,  I  found  upon 
inquiry,  that  the  learned  differed  m  opinion  about  the 
signification  and  use  of  this  same  word  selah.  Well, 
thought  I,  my  Baptist  brother  may  be  right  for  all. 
But  at  last,  I  learned  from  Commentaries  and 
Brown's  Dictionary  of  the  Bible,  that  my  own  mind 
could  be  best  satisfied  in  believing  the  word  selah  to 
be  a  note  in  Hebrew  music,  that  directed  them 
when  chanting  the  psalms,  sometimes  to  repeat  the 
sentence  again,  and  sometimes  to  raise  or  lower  the 
voice ;  but  whether  I  am  right  or  not,  I  cannot  be 
*^o»itive.  I  improve  it  for  that  purpose,  and  I  think 
it  a  profitable  word,  for  I  often  pause  and  consider 
the  sentence  again,  and  read  it  over  with  greater  em* 


r 


217 


phasis,  and  my  mind  is  more  solemnly  impressed 
with  the  subject.  So  I  think  selah  does  me  some 
good. 

But  I  was  told  that  words  were  arbitrary  things, 
and  signified  just  what  men  of  science  chose  to  have 
them.     This  to  me,  was  paradoxical.      But  I  am  not 
a  man  of  science,  therefore  I  will  not  quarrel  about 
words. 

My   family  lived   in   Smithtown,   at    widow  R. 

Wheeler's.  She,  and  her  son  and  daughter,  were 
exceedingly  kind.  Others  in  that  place  were  also 
kind.  We  had  four  children  ;  and  they  were  sick  of 
the  remittent  fever,  or  ague  and  fever,  for  seven 
inonlhs,  during  the  time  we  stayed  there.  And  my 
wife  was  sick  with  the  same  disorder  five  months. 
I  escaped  an  attack  of  this  disease  until  the  month  of 
May.  But  I  took  cold  the  day  before  I  started  for 
our  last  quarterly  meeting,  to  be  held  at  Newtown, 
and  was  sick  on  the  way.  My  wife  and  chiHren  had 
recovered  of  their  long  attack  of  the  ague  and  fever, 
and  she  accompanied  me  to  this  quarterly  meeting. 
It  was  well  for  me  that  she  could  dri»^  the  horse, 
while  I  shook  with  the  ague.  I  lay  «Jick  at  Newtown 
three  weeks,  and  could  not  attend  conference,  which 
commenced  that  week.  F^wever,  I  was  elected  el- 
der at  this  conference,  ^fiough  I  was  not  there  to  be 
ordained,  and  rece-f^ed  my  station  to  travel  Dutchess 
circuit.  So  ;»^ter  I  was  sufficiently  recovered  to  ride 
home,  I  prepared  to  leave  the  Island.  But  first  I 
must  go  on  to  Dutchess  circuit  and  prepare  the  par- 
sonage-house at  Rhinebeck,  to  live  in.    I  left  the 

10 


r-J 


M 


218 

Island  about  the  last  of  June,  lo  go  around  a  six- weeks 
circuit,  and  then  return  to  my  family  ;  and  though  I 
had  a  good  horse  and  an  easy  cliair  to  ride  in,  I  found 
myself  so  weak,  that  thirty  miles  in  a  day  would  liie 
me  down.  I  found  my  colleague,  the  Rev.  David 
Brown,  in  Amenia/  as  good  a  man  as  ever  came 
from  Ireland.  I  found  him  to  be  a  father  and  a 
friend  ;  he  had  charge  of  the  circuit.  A  young  man 
on  trial,  made  the  third  preacher,  so  we  were  ready 
to  commence  operations. 

When  Bishop  Asbury  returned  from  the  New- 
England  conference  lie  stopped  at  broihcr  Garrett- 
son's,  in  Rhinebeck,  and  sent  for  me  to  ordain  me 
an  elder.  1  had  then  but  recently  arrived  on  the  cir- 
cuit. I  was  ordained  in  the  Methodist  Church  at 
Rhinebeck,  on  the  21  st  of  July,  1802.  Bishop  As- 
bury preached  on  the  occasion,  from  2  Cor.  iv.  7; 
"  Bt^t  we  have  this  treasure  in  earthen  vessels,  that 
the  excellency  of  the  power  may  be  of  God,  and  not 
of  us."  This  was  a  great  sermon  lo  me.  The  ex- 
cellency of  the  power  is  of  God— in  creation,  in  re- 
demption, aivi  in  the  agency  of  the  Holy  Spirit. 
After  I  was  ordMned,  I  rode  to  Redhook  to  preach 
that  evening,  and  thet.  back  to  father  Garrettson's 
to  accompany  Bishop  Aslvry  the  next  day,  as  far  as 
Peekskill.  It  was  late  at  nigii*.  ^hen  I  returned,  nnd 
we  started  at  five  o'clock  next  miming  to  ride  fifty 
miles. 

^^'^l^en  we  arrived  at  Governor  Courtlar,Jt's  in 
Peekskill,  near  sun-down,  I  was  tiled  out ;  but  Bish- 
op  AsBURY  appeared  to   be  in  high  spirits,  iiistruct- 


2ir) 


ing  the  family,  explaining  scripture.  But  I  begged 
that  wc  might  have  family  prayers,  that  I  might  go 
to  bed.  Bishop  Asbury  prayed  with  great  freedom  ; 
he  was  much  in  the  spirit.  Next  morning,  he  in- 
formed me  before  we  parted,  that  he  had  not  money 
enough  with  him,  to  pay  his  ferriage  across  the  Cro- 
ton  river,  and  I  had  but  about  twenty  shillings  with 
me.  But  I  said,  *' I  will  divide  with  you.  I  want 
two  and  six-pence,  to  carry  me  back  to  Rhinebeck, 
and  you  take  the  rest."  He  said,  **No,  I  only  want 
enough  to  carry  me  to  New  York."  I  urged  him  to 
take  all  but  two  and  six-pence,  for  he  had  no  means 
of  obtaining  money  there,  unless  he  begged  it ;  and 
begging  for  one's  self  is  a  poor  business,  unless  it  is 
of  well  tried  friends;  so  he  took  it,  and  I  thought 
myself  well  paid  in  being  in  his  company  so  long, 
and  receiving  so  many  lessons  of  instruction  and 
good  counsel  from  so  great  a  Christian  as  he  was. 
So  we  parted  in  the  morning,  and  I  relumed  to  Rhine- 
beck in  two  days.  This  w^as  before  I  went  for 
my  family-  But  my  exercise  soon  brought  on  a  re- 
lapse of  my  ague.and  fever,  which  laid  me  up  for 
some  time,  so  that  I  was  gone  longer  from  my  family 
than  I  had  intended.  When  I  iiad  sufficiently  recov- 
ered I  returned  to  Smiihtown  ;  but  I  was  taken  sick 
again  on  the  day  I  landed  at  Smithiown  Harbour, 
and  found,  to  my  grief,  that  my  wife  and  children  had 
been  sick  also,  nearly  all  the  time  I  was  gone.  How- 
ever, in  about.  ihreeVeeks,  my  wife  began  lo  recover 
slowly  ;  but  I  grew  worse,  and  two  of  the  children 
were  so  very   sick,  that   it  was  past  the  middle   of 


n 


^^H 


I'M 


220 

October,  before  we  could  move,  and  then  we  were 
not  fit  to  move.  But  at  last  I  begged  ihe  kind  breth- 
ren in  that  place,  to  put  us  on  board  a  vessel,  that 
sailed  to  New  York,  and  they  did  so.  At  New  York, 
I  got  my  goods  put  on  board  a  vessel  that  sailed  to 
Rhinebeck,  where  they  landed  us  in  the  night.  The 
next  day  we  got  teams  to  carry  us  to  the  flats.  We 
found  the  parsonage-house  not  suflficiently  clean  to 
put  up  our  things,  and  my  wife  was  still  weak,  hardly 
able  able  to  set  up  all  day.  Some  young  women  came 
to  clean  house,  and  I  hired  a  woman  to  wash.  When 
I  had  paid  oflf  all  the  expenses,  I  found  I  had  but  six- 
pence left.  This  was  a  trying  time  to  us  ;  myself 
sick,  my  wife  and  children  still  poorly,  but  mending. 
My  acquaintances  in  this  place  were  all  gone  from 
home  at  this  time,  and  were  not  expected  to  return 
under  two  or  three  weeks.  I  had  sent  my  last  re- 
maining six-pence  to  buy  some  medicine,  and  next 
morning  after  this,  my  wife  said  we  had  only  about 
enough  provision  for  three  meals.  I  was  surprised 
to  hear  it,  and  sat  down  in  the  corner  to  consider 
what  I  could  do.  I  had  said,  I  cannot  eat  any  this 
morning.  I  desired  her  to  eat  and  give  the  children 
some.  I  thought  for  me  to  go  to  strangers  to  ask  for 
credit,  would  be  a  disgrace  to  the  Methodist  Church  ; 
and  to  carry  my  clothes,  or  household  furniture,  to 
pawn  or  sell,  would  expose  my  impoverished  state, 
and  be  equally  disgraceful  to  the  Church  I  served. 
And  to  beg  of  strangers,  with  whom  I  had  just  come 
to  live,  would  sink  the  dignity  of  a  minister,  tha^ 
ought  to  put  his  trust  in  that  God  that  fed  the  prophet 


221 

Elijah  by  ravens,  that  brought  him  bread  and  flesh 
in  the  morning,  and  bread  and  flesh  in  the  evening. 
My  soul  was  oppressed  with  grief.  I  wept,  and  said 
in  my  heart  to  God,  "in  thee  will  I  put  my  trust.  If 
I  starve  and  die,  I  will  not  do  any  thing  that  would 
disgrace  thy  cause,  or  the  Church  I  serve."  I  was 
immediately  blessed  with  a  peace  of  soul,  and  such 
resignation,  that  to  die  or  live,  was  equal  to  me. 
About  three  hours  after,  Brother  Suckle y  from  New 
York,  came  in  to  see  us.  We  were  glad  to  see  him, 
but  said  nothing  to  him  of  our  poverty.  When  he 
left  us,  he  gave  me  a  five  dollar  bill.  I  was  thankful 
for  this,  and  thought  truly,  it  is  good  to  trust  in  the 
Lord.  Though  I  had  resolved  to  eat  nothing  of  the 
small  allowance  my  wife  spoke  of,  unless  I  could  find 
some  way  to  get  more,  so  that  if  we  must  starve,  I 
would  starve  first.  But  now  we  had  a  rich  supply ; 
the  five  dollars  would  make  us  comfortable,  until  my 
friends  came  home,  to  whom  I  could  make  known 
my  distresses,  without  disgracing  the  Church.  Fa- 
ther Garrettson,  and  Esquire  Sands,  were  rich  in 
this  world's  goods,  and  rich  in  grace.  When  they  re- 
turned home,  they  called  to  see  me,  and  supplied  all 
our  wants,  as  to  food  and  raiment.  They  refreshed 
us  in  body  and  mind.  Esquire  Tilletson,  and  Mr. 
Schuyler,  were  also  peculiarly  kind.  I  could  soon 
say  with  the  Apostle,  I  know  how  to  suffer  need,  and 
I  know  how  to  abound.  Often  I  have  expressed  my 
thanks  to  God,  for  grace  in  that  trying  hour,  whereby 
I  was  enabled  to  trust  in  him.  O  !  the  good  of  reli- 
gion in  time  of  trouble.     I  could  chant  the  forty-six 


J|Hi 


222 


i 


Psalm:  /'God  is  our  refuge,  a  very  present  help  in 
time  of  trouble." 

I  must  say,  all  the  people  in  Rhincbcck  were  kind 
to  me  and  my  family.  Brothers  Garrettson  and 
Sands,  with  the  little  help  from  the  society  in  this 
place,  had  built  a  meeting-house  in  very  plain  form. 
Some  laughed  about  it.  One  young  man,  T.  Lee, 
called  it  the  Lord's  barn.  And  the  first  lime  I  preach- 
ed in  it,  the  Lord  sent  home  the  word  to  his  heart, 
and  he  and  thirteen  more  were  soon  after  converted, 
So  what  he  had  called  the  Lord's  barn,  became  no- 
thing less  than  God's  house  to  him.'  After  this  he 
became  a  preacher,  and  travelled  a  number  of  years> 
and  then  located. 


r^' 


CHAPTER  XL 

This  year  was  a  season  of  affliction.  My  ague  and 
fever,  would  return  upon  me  so  frequently,  that  I 
was  not  really  well  at  any  time.  I  could  attend  some 
of  the  appointments,  but  disappointed  others.  This 
w'as  a  grief  to  me  ;  bull  was  not  able  to  attend.  My 
fits  of  ague  and  fever,  grew  worse,  so  that  I  was 
weakened  down  to  that  degree,  that  I  could  not  get 
from  by  bed  to  the  fire,  without  help.  When  my  fits 
came  on,  I  became  light-headed,  and  lost  my  sense  of 
objects  about  me.  Then,  (as  they  told  me,)  I  would 
begin  to  preach,  or  pray,  or  sing,  and  continue  it  un- 
til I  began  to  sweat.  At  these  times,  the  neighbors 
would  come  in  to  hear  me.  Brother  Fox,  a  local 
preacher,  who  boarded  with  us,  informed  me  after- 
wards, of  one  sermon  I  preached  in  my  deliriuna 
that  deeply  affected  his  mind.  He  retained  the  order 
and  method  of  treating  the  subject,  and  preached  on 
the  same  text  afterward,  several  times  in  different 
places,  with  great  freedom.  Some  said  I  preached 
belter  in  my  delirium,  than  when  I  had  my  senses. 
But  that  I  was  happy  in  God,  amidst  all  my  affliction 
is  what  I  can  well  remember.     I  was  wiUing  to  die 


124 

or  live.     I  had  no  choice  of  my  own.     My  whole 
cry  was, 

"Give  joy  or  grief,  give  ease  or  pain. 

Take  life  or  friends  away ; 
Bat  let  me  find  them  all  again 

In  that  eternal  day.*' 

••I  know  ihat  my  Redeemer  liveth,  and  shall  stand 
at  the  latter  day  upon  the  earth  ;  and  though  worms 
destroy  this  body,  yet  in  my  flesh  shall  I  see  God.'* 
I  was  given  over  to  die  by  many,  but  I  said  I  shall 
not  die.  I  was  positive,  not  only  because  I  had  a 
revelation  when  I  was  twelve  years  old,  that  I  should 
live  until  I  should  be  thirty-six,  but  I  had  also  a  mani- 
festation in  one  of  my  fits,  that  I  should  not  die. 
One  day,  feeling  much  distressed,  I  said  to  my  wife, 
"  I  feel  strangely,  I  don't  know'  but  what  I  am  going 
to  die  !  but  don't  be  frightened,  I  am  happy  !"  This 
was  all  I  remember  of  saying  ;  but  I  though  I  was 
dead,  and  my  soul  had  left  the  body,  and  appeared 
transparent  in  the  perfect  shape  of  my  body,  standing 
before  me.  So  **  whether  I  was  in  the  body  or  out 
of  the  body,  I  cannot  tell."  However,  I  spoke  to 
my  soul,  while  my  body  still  felt  pain,  and  asked, 
"where  he  was  going?"  as  it  appeared  about  to 
leave  me.  My  soul  replied,  **  I  am  going  to  heaven." 
I  said,  "  answer  me  one  thing  before  you  go.  Must 
my  body  He  in  such  pain  as  this  until  the  resurrec- 
tion ?"  Just  then  I  heard  something  behind  me  as  I 
lay  upon  my  left  side.  I  turned  over  to  see  what  dan- 
ger was  there,  and  to  my  joy,  I  beheld  my  Lord  and 
Saviour  Jesus  Christ !     He  had  heard  my  enquiry. 


125 

and  answered  it,  by  saying,  "  No  !  your  soul  has  not 
yet  left  the  earth,  that  is  the  reason  you  still  have 
pain  ;  when  your  soul  leaves  the  earth,  then  your 
body  and  senses  will  be  at  rest ;  but  your  soul  must 
not  go  yet.  you  have  more  to  do."  I  thought  he  spoke 
to  my  soul  to  return  into  my  body,  and  I  turned  to 
look  at  it  again,  that  I  might  see  it,  and  know  more 
about' my  spiritual  part  than  I  had  done.  But  it  was 
not  to  be  seen.  I  turned  back  to  see  the  Lord  and 
he  had  disappeared.  I  grieved  that  I  had  lj|pt  sight  of 
so  glorious  a  personage.  When  I  came  to  myself,  I 
found  my  wife  standing  by  my  bed.  She  told  me 
she  thought  1  had  been  dead,  but  had  sent  Bro.  Fox 
for  two  doctors,  and  neither  were  at  home  ;  she  then 
sent  for  some  camphor,  and  the  first  sense  I  had  of 
relurnfng  animation,  was  on  feeling  some  camphor 
running  down  my  throat  through  my  nostrils,— my 
wife  in  her  fright,  emptying  some  part  of  her  phial  of 
camphor  into  my  nose.  But  I  retained  the  sense  I 
had  of  my  Lord  and  Saviour,  and  I  am  able  to  .say 
that  the  description  St.  John  gave  in  Revelation,  first 
chapter,  was  a  good  one,  but  falls  vastly  short  of  a 
full  description.  It  appeared  to  me  that  his  raiment 
which  shone  so  bright,  and  himself,  were  all  the 
same.  I  could  see  at  one  glance,  every  part,  both 
before  and  behind.  He  appeared  all  the  same. — 
His  garments  appeared  to  be  the  refulgence  of  the 
Divine  nature,  shining  forth  like  the  color  of  a  bright 
blaze  of  fire.  J  know  of  nothing  that  I  can  compare 
him  to,  tliat  will  ghe  any  just  idea  of  his  substance. 

10* 


\ 


228 

[  am  always  happy  in  niediialiug  on  that  Divine  re- 
fulgence of  which  I  had  a  view,  al  ihis  lime,  for  I 
know  it  was  Christ  my  Lord.  "  Well,"  I  said,  ''  for 
me  to  live  is  Christ,  and  to  die  is  gain." 

From  this  time  my  fits  were  lighter.  But  I  could 
not  eat  any  thing,  except  to  sip  a  little  thin  milk  por- 
ridge ;  and  after  awhile  coffee  was  my  only  diet. 
My  wife  was  uneasy,  she  feared  J  would  starve. 
Sister  Garrettson,  interested  hcFsclf  very  much 
in  my  ca||.  She  is  not  only  a  good  and  pious  wo- 
man, but  a  person  of  excellent  understanding,  and  ex- 
tensive information.  Well,  the  dear  good  soul  came 
!o  see  mc,  and  to  persuade  me  to  eat  a  little  panada. 
I  objected,  and  assigned  my  reasons  :  I  said,  if  I  lake 
any  thing  on  my  stomach  but  collee,  it  will  produce 
nausea,  and  bring  on  agnc.  She  thought  not  ;  and 
expressed  her  fears  that  I  could  not  live,  if  I  did  not 
take  something  more  ihan  colTce.  My  wife  joined 
with  her.  I  still  objected — they  plead  hard.  At  last 
my  wife  sighed  and  turned  away  discouraged.  Sisicr 
Garrettson  wept.  When  1  saw  Uie  tears  running 
down  her  face,  while  she  said,  I  think  you  had  better 
eat  a  little,  I  yielded  lo  their  entreaty,  and  look  a 
few  spoonfuls.  In  about  fifteen  or  Iwenly  minutes 
I  began  lo  puke,  and  my  ague  came  on  worse  than 
ever.  When  they  saw  this,  they  expressed  their 
sorrow  that  they  had  persuaded  me.  Afler  this  fit, 
which  lasted  about  twenty  hours,  before  the  sweat- 
ing' subsided,  I  was  very  weak,  not  able  to  gel  in 
or  out  of  bed  without  help.  And  after  this, 
neither  coffee,  nor  milk-porridge,  would  any  longer 


II  1 


227 


sit  on  my  stomach.  Nothing  now  but  tea  would  suit 
me.  But  in  a  few  days,  I  could  lake  a  little  dried 
beef  with  my  lea  ;  and  in  three  or  four  weeks,  I 
could  take  toasted  bread  and  cheese  with  tea,  and 
walk  across  my  room.  I  recovered  but  slowly,  yet 
I  was  able  lo  attend  the  conference  in  Ashgrove, 
in  June,  1803.  But  my  feeble  state  of  body,  being 
sick  the  most  of  the  year,  did  not  prevent  me  from 
preaching  sometimes.  At  conference,  my  brethren 
thought  it  best  for  me  lo  lake  a  supernumerary  rela- 
tion that  year.  I  consented,  as  it  was  doubtful 
whether  I  could  preach  much  for  some  time.  Our 
conference  was  attended  wiih  the  blessing  of  God, 
as  usual  ;  and  on  Saturday,  arrangements  were  made 
for  preaching  on  the  Sabbath.  Bishop  Asbury  was 
to  commence  in  the  morning,  and  preach  the  first 
sermon,  brother  Garrettson  to  preach  immediately 
afler  him  ;  and  brother  Thacher,  and  brother 
Moriartv,  to  follow  iiim,  so  as  to  have  four  sermons 
for  the  congregation  that  attended  at  the  church. 

The  next  day  the  assembly  was  so  great,  that  it 
was  appointed  for  ihe  preachers  lo  stand  in  the  door 
of  the  house^  and  give  up  the  seals  in  the  /lOuse  to  the 
women,  and  the  men  were  to  sfand  out  of  doors. 
But  the  congregation  was  so  large  ihat  they  could 
not  all  hear.  I  vyiih  other  preachers,  were  on  the 
outside  of  the  congregation,  and  saw  numbers  turn 
away  that  we  kne*v  could  not  hear,  so  as  to  under- 
stand. We  fe.U  grieved  to  see  them  gathering  in  h*t- 
tle  companies,  talking  of  the  news  and  politics  of  the 
day.     Some  preachers  proposed  to  me  to  go  into  a 


328 

wagon,  under  the  shade  of  some  trees,  a  little  way 
oflf,  and  begin  to  sing  ;  and  those  in  groups  would 
gather  round,  and  we  could  exhort  them  without  dis- 
turbing the  assembly  at  the  meeting  house.  My 
heart  was  warm  with  love.  I  went  on.  They  fol- 
lowed. We  began  to  sing.  The  people  gathered 
around,  and  many  of  the  brethren  that  could  not  hear 
at  the  church,  came  also*  We  had,  Isoppose,  near 
five  hundred  hearers.  I  prayed,  and  gave  out  for  my 
text,  **  God  is  love"  When  I  came  to  my  applica- 
tion, the  word  was  attended  with  power;  and  the 
wind  blowing  gently  to  carry  my  voice  to  the  people 
at  the  church,  they  heard,  and  came  flocking  to  oar 
shade,  around  the  wagon.  I  thought  their  meeting 
was  out,  and  feeling  the  Spirit  of  the  Lord  God  upon 
me,  I  gave  full  vent  to  my  feelings  ;  and  directly 
those  who  were  in  the  church,  came  rushing  out  to 
«ee  what  was  going  on  at  the  wagon.  Some  jump- 
ed out  of  the  windows,  and  the  rctshing  was  so  great 
at  the  door,  that  brother  Garrettson  gave  over 
preaching  before  he  had  half  done.  Preachers  and 
people  flocked  around  the  wagon.  By  this  time  J 
was  nearly  exhausted,  and  gave  place  for  brother 
Thacher  and  Mortarty.  I  went  to  a  house  near 
by,  and  lay  down  torcM  me,  and  after  taking  a  little 
refreshment,  I  walked  out  to  get  some  good  of  the 
meeting.  The  congregation  was  very  large,  more 
than  could  well  hear  the  preaching  at  the  wagon  ; 
and  hearing  some  in  the  Church,  1  went  in  to  see 
what  they  were  about.  I  found  they  were  holding  a 
prayer-meeting,  and  there  were  a  few  prcacheis  with 


229 

them,  sitting  in  the  altar,  and  the  seats  in  the  house 
nearly  half  filled  with  people.  So  I  attended  one  or 
two  prayers  with  them,  and  then  I  began  to  sing,  and 
before  we  had  sung  the  hymn  through,  the  people 
crowded  the  church  full.  I  though  t  I  must  exhort 
them  once,  and  to  enforce  the  necessity  of  religion, 
I  endeavored  to  illustrate  the  awful  state  of  the  damn- 
ed. I  spoke  of  the  lake  of  fire,  and  the  wrath  of 
God,  like  a  furious  storm  of  vengeance,  raising  the 
lake  in  surging  waves  with  tremendous  roar.  "The 
rich  man,"  I  said,  **  was  now  there.  O,  the  shrieks 
and  cries  while  vengeance  beats  down  a  heavy  storm 
that  sinks  them  low  in  the  dashing  waves  !  See  ! 
see  !  !  see  the  rich  man  raising  his  head  above  the 
surging  billows  !  Hark  !  hark  !  how  he  cries,  *  water  ! 
water  !  water  !  to  cool  my  tormented  tongue  !  !' — O, 
poor  sinners,  would  you  go  to  hell  ?  Pray,  my  dear 
brethren,  O  pray  for  them,  see  how  they  run,  (for 
they  began  to  run  out  of  the  house.)  O,  my  God, 
have  mercy  on  them."  By  this  time  my  voice  was 
lost  in  the  out-cry.  Those  in  the  gallery  took  fright 
and  ran  down  stairs  so  fast,  that  many  fell  at  the  foot 
of  the  stairs,  and  they  lay  in  quite  a  heap  ;  some  ran 
over  them,  some  fell  out  of  doors.  The  preachers 
from  without  met  them  at  the  door  and  formed  a  cir- 
cle for  prayer,  and  nine  professed  to  be  converted  in 
that  praying  circle.  This  prayer-meeting  closed  the 
labors  of  the  day.  Next  morning  I  heard  that  com- 
plaint was  made  to  the  Bishop  against  me  for  disturb- 
ing the  order  of  the  meeting.  So  he  called  me  up 
in  the  conference,  and  said  there  had  been  a  com- 


230 


plaint  against  me,  aiiJ  some  others  for  disturbing  liic 
order  of  the  meeting,  the  day  before.  The  other 
preachers  spoke  first  to  excuse  themselves,  they  said, 
"  they  did  not  do  any  thing  but  attend  to  my  meeting 
in  the  wagon,"  ihat  their  reason  for  attending  was, 
**  that  they  believed  many  could  not  hear  at  the 
Church,"  &c. 

I  smiled  to  think  they  were  giving  me  all  the  credit 
as  instrumental  of  the  good  meeting.   .  But   Bishop 
AsBURY  said,  *'well,  brother  IIibbard,  what  have  you 
to  say  ?  it  seems  you  are  the  only  one  responsible." 
I  said,  "why,  sir,  I  did  not  know  that  I   interrupted 
the  meeting,  until  this,morning,  when  brother  Bakeii 
told  me  he  had  complained  of  me.     But,  sir,  I  can 
say  this,  I   am   sorry   to  interrupt  the    order  of  any 
meeting.     It  is  contrary  ttf  my  principles,  to  interrupt 
any  meeting  for  worship  ;  but  I  cannot  say  T  am  sor- 
ry  for  wliat  lias  been  done,  seeing  I  had  no  design  to 
inierrupi.,  and  we  had  so  good  a  time  of  it."     "  Ah  ! 
well,"  said  he,  "  you    have  said  enough— you  have 
said  enougli— it  was  a  good  time."     So  J  sat  down- 
some  smiled,  and  made  their  remarks  about  my  foud 
voice.     Bishop  Asbury   said  I  was  heard  distinctly 
half  a  mile.     I  thought  surely  the  zeal  of  the  Lord 
must  have  eaten  me  up,  for  I  was  not  aware  of  speak- 
ing so  loud.     Some   said,  that  when  I  spoke  of  the 
rich  man  in  hell,  I  stretched  up  my  arms,  and  being 
emaciated,  my  fingers  were  long  and  slender,  my  eyes 
hollow  and   ghastly,   so  that  when  I  opened  them, 
looking  up  to  imitate  the  rich  man  in  helJ,  those  in 
the  gallery  were  frightened.     They  acknowledged  it 


231 

was  an  awful  time,  and  no  laughing  matter,  but  they 
said,*''  if  I  had   been  pictured  out  as   I  looked  then, 
they  presumed  I  would  be  frightened  at  my  own  pic- 
ture."    Our  conference  closed,  and  I  was  appointed  - 
supernumerary,  that  is  to  say,  one  over  and  above 
what  was  wanting  on  the  circuit,  and  yet  I  could  be 
occasionally  employed,    as  my  health  would  allow. 
Brother  Coleman,   and   brother   Lowery,  were  to 
travel    on  the  circuit,  and  T  must  fill  vacant  places. 
Our  temporal  concerns  had  been  the  year  before  very 
short  of  a  supply  of  our  wants,  so  that  I  had  been 
deficient  with   my  brethren,  from  year  to  year  ;  and 
my  mind  was  not"  at  icst  about  it.     1  felt  grieved  to 
.  see  my  colleagues  destitute,  though   every  plan   to 
raise  the  collcclions  so  as  to  meet  llie  demands,  had 
been  in  vain.     I  saw  two  evils,  one  in  the  preachers, 
and  one  in  the  members;  to  remedy  them,  appeared 
10  be  impossible.     However,  to  shun  the  evil  myself, 
I  refused  to  take  any  quarterage  until  my  colleagues 
were  paid  olT;  of  course  I  had  not  a  sufiiciency  to 
pay  all  my  expenses  for  my  family  the  first  quarter, 
-  but  I  chose  to  trust  in  the  Lord.     Therefore,  T  beg- 
iied  of  my  brethren  not  to  urge   me  to  take  the  share 
Uiat   would  fall  to  me  by    the    customary  division, 
though  I  had  been  brought  to  only   three  meals,  and 
my  family  and  myself,  had  been  sick.     In  this  trying 
hour,  I  ciiosc  to  say  nothing  about  my  own  poverty, 
except  to  individuals  that  I  could  trust  as  confidential 
friends,  and  give  no  account  of  my  presents  in  future, 
nor  make  any  demand  for  quarterage,  unless  there 
was  a  surplus,  after  paying  the  customary  quarterage 


f- 


232 

of  the  preachers,  and  the  presiding  elder*8  dividend, 
&c.  Therefore,  I  made  no  claim  for  deficiency  at 
conference.  It  was  a  rule  of  discipline  in  those  days, 
to  give  account  of  all  presents  received,  or  we  could 
not  claim  any  salary  from  the  public  collection.  In 
those  days,  a  preacher's  salary  was  only  eighty  dol- 
lars a  year  and  his  travelling  expenses,  and  his  wife's 
eighty  dollars,  and  each  child  under  the  age  of  seven 
years,  sixteen  dollars  ;  and  over  the  age  of  seven  and 
under  the  age  of  fourteen,  twenty-four  dollars  a  year. 
This  was  thought  by  all  to  be  a  sum  too  small  for 
the  decent  support  of  a  family,  though  the  house  rent 
should  be  paid  for  him.  However,  this  small  sum 
was  not  raised  by  quarterly  contributions  ;  and  as  our 
presiding  elder,  brother  Garrettson,  received  no- 
thing for  expenses  or  salary,  which  made  it  lighter 
for  the  circuits  to  make  out  the  collections,  yet  they 
fell  short  nearly  one-half,  and  some  circuits  more 
than  half.  It  was  not  because  they  were  not  able  to 
raise  the  money,  but  it  was  because  they  would  not 
contribute  liberally  enough ;  yet  some  few  were  in 
reality  liberal  enough,  and  all  were  liberal  in  speech. 
I  found  the  Methodists  were  made  up  of  two  sorts  of 
people.  One,  those  that  act  from  principle,  and  the 
other,  such  as  act  from  feeling,  or  sympathy.  Those 
that  acted  from  principle,  contributed  liberally ;  but 
those  that  acted  from  sympathy,  were  liberal  only  at 
times,  when  their  hearts  were  affected  ;  and  it  took  so 
many  different  things  to  affect  them  all,  and  affect 
them  to  the  purpose,  that  my  gifts  were  not  adequate 
to  the  task  ;  therefore,  to  remedy  all  the  evils  seem- 


.#^ 


23d 


ed  to  be  impossible.  I  thought,  however,  if  I  can 
escape  the  evil  for  one,  it  will  be  well  for  me,  for 
though  I  get  less  money,  I  am  sure  of  an  approving 

conscience. 

This  rule  subjected  the  preachers  to  many  difficul- 
ties :  First,  it  was  a  trouble  and  an  affliction  to  ren- 
der an  accurate  account  of    all   the  presents  they 
might  receive.     Sometimes  presents   were  given  to 
my  wife,  with    a  design  that  I  should  not  render  an 
account  of  them,  and  this  I  conceived   as  an  evasion 
of  the   rule  of  discipline  which  I  thought  was  not 
right.     If  I  had  cloth  for  a  coat,  or  linen  for  shirts, 
it  was  given  to  my  wife.     If  I  had  tea,  or  sugar,  or 
the  neighbors  sent  me  a  load  of  wood,  or  a  few  bush- 
els of  grain  or  potatoes,  they  were  all   sent  to  my 
wife,  or  I  must  give  an  account  of  them,  before  I 
could  have  a  claim  on  the  stewards  for  money  raised 
by  public  collection  towards  my  salary.  This  mode  of 
giving,  evaded  the  rule  of  discipline,  and  I  thought 
it  was  not  altogether  right,  though  I  did  not  like  the 
rule   at  all ;    but  I  would  show  respect  to  it  as 
long  as  it  was  a  rule.     The   rule   was  designed   to 
make  all  equal,  therefore  our  design  was  good ;  but 
there   was   no  justice  in  it,   because  one  preacher 
might  have  need  of  more  than   another  :  there  was 
no  provision  for  the  expense  of  sickness  in  his  fami- 
ly, and  this  rule  shut  out  all  provision.     If  I  opposed 
it,  I  must  refuse   to  give  an  account  of  my  presents, 
and  thereby  have  no  claim  on  the  public  contributions. 
Secondly,  another  difficulty  which  arose  out  of  this 
rule  was,  I  was  considered  a  good  hand  to  beg, 


I 


234 


though  by  ihe  by,  I  am  a  poor  beggar.  1  make  out 
but  poorly  at  that  business.  However,  as  this  opin- 
ion had  gone  forth  concerning  uie,  I  could  not  alter 
the  opinion  and  do  my  duly,  for  I  must  teach  the 
brethren  their  duty  to  contribute  liberally,  for  God 
loveth  the  cheerful  giver,  and  I  always  thought  a 
stingy  soul  was  a  poor,  mean,  insignificant  creature, 
whom  God  hateth.  Dr.  Watts  describes  this  mis- 
erable character  in  one  of  liis  lyric  poems  thus  : 

"Let  a  broad  stream  of  golden  sands. 

Through  all  his  meadows  roll, 
He's  but  a  wretch  with  ail  his  lands, 
^  Thr.t  v.c^-rf  a  narrow  soul. 

•♦  W,  ;.  I  o  )  1  /:  t  >  r\ich  the  pole, 
Or  !/rp.5T)t!!(^  (Vf-.vj  with  nri}'  span, 

•  •i  •     •     f  i'.ij  uian." 


The  iiiiii  i*o  ;!. 


^'V'cll,  I  must  teacli  my  l)rci!irj.i  \\\^    l-i'?  of  giving. 
I  must  say   with  Paul,  1   Cor.   ix.   11.  '*  It    we  have 
sown  unto  you  spiritual  things,  is  it  a  grout   ihing  if 
we  shall  reap  your  carnal  things  ?"     [  ought   to  say 
wiili  him  also,  *'But  I  have  used  none  of  these  thinng, 
neither  have  I  written  these  things  that  it  should   be 
so  done   unto  me  ;  for  it  were  belter  for  me  to  die 
than  that  any  man  should    make  my  glorying  void. 
For   though  I    preach  the  Gospel  I  have  nothing  to 
glory  of;  for  necessity  is  laid    upon  me  ;  yea,  woe 
is  unto  me  if  I  preach  not  the  Gospel.     For  if  I  do 
this  thing  willingly  I  have  a  reward  :  but  if  against 
my  will,  a  dispensation  of  the  Gospel  is  committed 
unto   me.     What  Js  my  reward  then  ?     Verily,  that 


235- 


when  1  preach  the  Gospel  1  may  make  the  Gospel  of 
Christ  without  charge,  that  I  abuse  not  my  power  in 
the  Gospel.  For  though  I  be  free  from  all  men,  yet 
have  I  made  myself  servant  unlo  all,  that  I  might 
gain  the  more,"  &c. 

This  doctrine^  I  fear,  is  little  understood,  and  it 
seems  it  was  not  generally  practised  even  by  the 
Apostles  ;  therefore  Paul,  in  writing  to  the  Phillip- 
pians,  gave  this  reason  for  sending  Timothy  to  them, 
Phil.  ii.  20,  *'  For  I  have  no  man,"  said  he,  "  like- 
minded,  who  will  naturally  care  for  your  stale  ;  for 
all  seek  their  own,  not  the  ihings  which  are  Jesus 
Christ's.  But  ye  know  ihe  proof  of  him,  that -as  a 
son  with  the  father,  he  halh  served  with  me  in  the 
Gospel."  I  think  I  had  a  clear  sense  of  this  doc- 
trine. I  could  not  agree  with  the  Quakers  who  con- 
demned all  ministers  as  hirelings  that  took  a  salary 
for  preaching.  No!  for  though  the  beloved  Apos- 
tle, whom  I  wish  to  imitate,  would  not  have  his  glo- 
ryinir  made  void,  by  making  the  Gospel  chargeable  ; 
yet  he  allows  it  strictly  lawful,  to aake  money  for 
preaching  the  Gospel,  though  under  certain  circum- 
stances it  was  not  expedient ;  and  going  among  the 
Gentiles,  who  had  no  law  like  the  Jews  to  support 
Bible  religion,  (neither  did  the  Jews  improve  the 
law  they  had  for  the  support  of  the  Gospel  of  Christ;) 
therefore  he  made  contributions  to  relieve  the  poor 
saints,  who  were  cast  out  of  the  syuagoguc  for  pro- 
fessing Christ,  and  to  support  those  that  ministered 
in  spiritual  things  :  hence  we  read  of  general  and 
particular  contributions,  &c.     This  method  of  sup- 


\ 


336 


!l 


porting  the  Gospel,  appeared  to  me  to  be  the  more 
excellent  way.  Taxation  has  been  thought  by  some 
to  be  good,  and  if  there  were  precept  or  example  for 
it  in  the  New-Testament,  I  might  think  so  too.  But 
for  contributions  we  have  both  precept  and  example, 
and  still  there  is  danger  of  abusing  our  power  in  the 
Gospel.  O  what  fear  the  Apostle  expres  ses,  in  the 
text,  "  That  I  abuse  not  my  power  in  the  Gospel^ 
I  examined  for  myself  how  I  might  use  my  liberty 
and  not  abuse  it.  Now,  thought  I,  as  it  is  the  design 
to  equalize  the  labor  and  the  support  to  the  preacherg 
in  the  Methodist  connexion,  how  can  I  do  my  duty 
without  giving  an  account  of  all  my  presents,  and  some 
may  think  I  receive  wore  than  I  give  an  account  for, 
though  none  had  intimated  such  a  thing  of  me,  but 
they  had  of  others,  in  my  hearing,  and  some  unpleas- 
ant things  had  arisen  between  different  preachers. 
One  preacher  was  expelled  for  lying  about  his  pre- 
sents. It  was  proved  that  he  received  more  than  lie 
gave  account  of  ;  and  I  thought  it  would  grieve  me, 
if  any  one  suspected  my  honesty,  and  they  were  as 
likely  to  suspect  me  as  others,  for  they  think  me  a 
great  beggar.  Again  I  thought,  if  I  divide  equally 
with  my  colleague,  and  we  are  both  deficient,  and  he 
should  be  a  man  that  had  no  gift  at  begging,  and  if  I 
should  receive  one  hundred  dollars  in  presents,  and 
those  brethren  that  gave  me  presents  should  give  less 
(which  is  the  case  with  some)  into  the  public  collec- 
tion ;  so  that  the  collection  would  be  one  hundred 
dollars  less  than  it  would  have  been  if  they  had  not 
made  these  presents  to  me,  or  my  wife,  he  might  be 


237 


deprived  o{ fifty  dollars,  and  might  suffer.  But  how 
could  1  answer  it  to  God  ?  If  none  else  knew,  God 
would  know  it,  and  to  him  I  must  give  account; 
therefore  I  resolved  not  to  be  guilty  of  this  evil ;  al- 
though it  was  the  same  year  in  which  I  was  afflicted 
with  the  ague  and  fever,  and  my  wife  and  children 
had  been  long  sick,  and  I  had  been  reduced  to  only 
three  meals  for  my  family,  and  not  a  cent  to  help 
myself  with ;  yet  it  was  by  grace  I  resolved  not  to 
take  any  quarterage  until  my  colleagues  were  paid 
off,  though  I  was  sure  I  should  get  but  little.  When 
I  had  charge  of  a  circuit,  I  could  then  literally  per- 
form what  is  required  of  me,  viz.,  to  see  that  my  col- 
league "  behave  well  and  want  nothing.^^  I  could 
allow  him  his  quarterage  if  there  was  enough  contri- 
buted, and  it  would  be  a  strange  thing  if  I  travelled  a 
circuit  and  got  no  supply.  Besides,  I  wished  to  put 
a  stop  to  so  much  complaining  as  there  had  been  ;  at 
least  none  would  have  cause  to  complain  but  myself, 
if  I  were  the  only  one  deficient. 

It  has  often  grieved  me,  to  hear  such  sort  of  beg- 
ging, and  complaining  as  savors  of  a  distrust  in  the 
Lord,  or  is  only  calculated  to  excite  sympathy.  I 
despise  such  methods  of  begging.  If  people  will  not 
give  from  principle  of  duty  to  support  the  Grospel 
ministry,  they  never  will  enjoy  true  happiness  in  the 
cause  of  religion.  Those  that  give  only  when  their 
feelings  are  excited,  are  happy  by  fits  and  starts. — 
Their  peace  is  not  like  a  river,  that  runs  smoothly  by 
night  and  day.  And  if  God  works  among  such  a 
people,  they  don't  enjoy  it  as  they  might ;  they  are 


238 

too  zealous  to  hold   out  long.     If  iliey  give  wlicn 
warm  affections   move,  ihey  give  liberally, — yes,  so 
liberally,  that   on  mature  reflection,  they  are   sorry 
they  gave  so  much  ;  and  when   called  upon  again, 
they  give  nothing,  and  being  ashamed  to  be  seen  in 
the  congregation,   and  not  give  something,  prompts 
some  to  'stay  at  home  on    collcclion  days  :  and  yet 
such  persons  would  spend  twice  the  sum,  to  treat  an 
old  acquaintance  they  were  pleased  with.     I  saw  so 
much  of  this  in  my  travels,  and  {  had  such  a  sense  of 
the  evil    attending  this  generous  sympathy,   that  I 
strove  to  slum  those  methods  of  raising  collections. 

However,  I   resolved  to  take  no  money  out  of  the 
collections,  v.nlil  my  colleagues,  and  the  presiding 
elder,    were    paid  their   expenses    and  quarterage  ; 
reckotiiiig  for  themselves  and  wives,  only.     Cliild- 
ren  were  in  those  days  left  out  of  the  claim,  by  a  vote 
of  the  annual  conference,  though  the  discipline  spe- 
cified an  allowance  with  these  commanding  words  as, 
each  child  under  the  atre  of  seven  years,  shall  be  al- 
lowed  s'wiQcn   dollars,  &c.     This  shallbe  allowed, 
however,  wa»  not  regarded  by  the  annual  conference. 
Their  vote  said,  they  shall  not  be  allowed  any  thing, 
unless  there  is  more  than  enough  to  pay  all  deficien- 
cies of  the  preachers  and  their  wives.     So  I  did  not 
allow  claims  for  children,  unless  there  was  more  than 
enough  in  the  collection,  to   answer  the  demand  for 
the  preachers    and  their   wives.     Now   when  I  had 
resolved   to  do  this,  I  could  teach  the  brethren  their 
duty  ill   contribuliiig,  and  1  could   beg  for  my  collea- 
gues, and  myself  too,  wilhoutany  shame  or  fear  of  of- 


m. 


239 


.^:^-  .^3 


fending.  Thus  I  took  a  middle  course  m  ihe  man- 
ner of  begging.  I  warned  every  one  of  his  duty, 
saint  and  sinner,  Methodist  or  not  Methodist.  I  say 
it  is  the  duty  of  every  one  to  give,  according  as  God 
hath  prospered  him. 

I  can  beg  for  the  Lord's  sake,  and  for  my  brethren, 
that  labor  night  ant-I  day  to  save  souls  ;  yes,  I  can 
beg  for  them  and  myself  too  ;  and  I  am  not  ashamed 
of  it,  because  it  is  not  to  aggrandize  myself  or  my 
brethren,  but  to  supply  necessities,  and  to  enable  us 
to  do  good  to  all. 

Having  the  year  before  taken  the  above  resolution, 
I  was  this  year  ready  to  pay  off  liie  preachers,  as  they 
were  both  single  men.  It  took  forty  dollars  a  quarter 
to  pay  their  salaries  ;  this  left  me  twenty  or  thirty 
dollars  a  quarter,  and  my  wife  opened  a  school  in  one 
part  of  our  house,  and  had  about  thirty  scliolars,  which 
brought  about  fifty  dollars  a  quarter.  Our  kind 
friends  at  Rhinebcck,  came  in  to  see  us  one  day,  and 
brother  Gauuettson  said,  that  what  my  wife  earned, 
over  and  above  her  labor,  to  lake  care  of  the  children, 
must  not  be  nppropriated  to  the  support  of  the  family. 
I  said,  I  did  not  know  how  we  could  live  without  it. 
Ho  said,  "  we  must  supply  your  w^ants."  I  found 
they  had  consulted  oii  the  subject,  and  they  were  all 
of  the  same  mind.  O  my  soul  be  grateful,  thought  I. 
So  by  their  direction  the  earnings  of  my  wife  was  laid 
aside  for  a  time  of  need.  And  while  we  were  at 
Rhinebcck  three  years,  she  earned  by  hard  labor, 
more  than  three  hundred  dollars.  After  she  had 
taushl  sc:i(U)l  six  months,  her  health  became  so  im- 


\ 
I 


til 


240 

paired  thai  she  gave  up  her  school ;  but  when  she  re- 
covered, she  commenced  weaving,  and  our  children, 
though  all  boys,  helped  her.  She  made  them  spool,  and 
wind  her  quills,  and  do  much  of  her  housework,  so  that 
she  could  earn  more  than  half  a  dollar  a  day.  She 
saved  more  than  two  hundred  dollars  of  her  earnings, 
and  could  have  saved  more,  but  we  thought  it  not  best 
to  burden  our  friends  too  much. 

Brother  Lowery  travelled  the  circuit  a  little  more 
than  three  months,  when  he  was  called  away  by 
Bishop  Coke,  to  accompany  him  to  England. — 
He  had  been  a  missionary  from  the  English  Metho- 
dist conference  to  one  of  the  British  provinces,  and 
had  come  to  New-York,  to  get  a  passage  to  England. 
And  he  tarried  among  us,  until  called  away.  He 
was  a  good  preacher,  and  highly  esteemed  on  the 
circuit.  But  his  stay  with  us  was  short,  so  that  we 
had  but  little  acquaintance. 

After  brother  Lowery  left  us,  my  health  being 
much  better,  I  took  the  circuit,  and  with  brother 
Coleman,  labored  to  bring  the  dear  people  to  the 
Lord.  We  could  say  with  the  Apostle,  "  Now  then 
we  are  ambassadors  for  Christ,  as  though  God  did 
beseech  you  by  us  ;  we  pray  you  in  Christ  stead,  be 
ye  reconciled  to  God."  I  travelled  this  circuit  the 
next  year  also,  and  had  brother  D.  Ensign  for 
my  colleague ;  so  that  I  was  three  years  on  this 
circuit.  We  had  no  great  revival  of  religion  until 
the  last  year,  though  in  the  two  first  years  there 
were  about  one  hundred  converted,  and  several  pro- 


241 

fessed  sanctification.  Sister  Schuyler  at  Rhine- 
beck,  experienced  sanctification  in  a  class-meetino- 
at  my  house.  This  was  one  of  the  most  awfully 
solemn  seasons  I  ever  had.  When  I  had  done  speak, 
ing  to  the  class,  I  asked  sister  Schuyler  to  close 
our  meeting  by  prayer ;  and  she  was  led  by  the 
Spirit,  to  pray  for  sanctification.  Her  gift  in  prayer, 
at  all  times,  surpassed  all  1  ever  heard,  of  man  or 
woman  ;  and  at  this  time  she  excelled  herself,  and 
every  thing  I  had  ever  heard.  Her  converse  with 
God, — her  thanksgiving  for  justification  through  the 
redemption  that  is  in  Jesus,  and  the  faith  that  is  by 
him  ; — her  confession  of  weakness  of  faith,  and  de- 
pravity of  our  nature,  that  rendered  us  so  liable  to 
err  from  the  paths  of  holiness,  were  expressed  most 
feelingly.  She  portrayed  the  advantage  of  sanctifi- 
cation to  assist  us  to  serve  the  Lord  perfectly  ;  and 
then  in  her  appeal  to  the  Lord  for  the  sincerity  of  her 
motives  and  the  fullness  of  his  grace  for  all  she  asked 
for,  she  seemed  to  us  to  be  conversing  in  the  lan- 
guage of  immortals.  She  implored  the  Most  High  to 
implant  the  blessing  in  her  soul  for  the  sake  of  Jesus 
Christ,  who  hath  redeemed  us  to  himself,  that  we 
should  be  a  peculiar  people,  zealous  of  good  works 
She  then  cried  out,  "  O  thou  dost  hear  !  thou  art 
nigh  !  O  thy  glory  !  O  !  !"  and  sunk  forward  in  her 
chair  with  a  sigh.  For  about  four  minutes  we  were 
all  overwhelmed  with  divine  glory,  and  nothing  was 
uttered  by  any  one,  but  a  sigh  or  a  groan  that  indi- 
cated the  joyful  surprise  of  the  Divine  presence. — 

11 


•» 


# 


1 


242 


li 


After  ihe  lapse  of  about  four  minutes,  slie  arose  from 
her  chair,  before  which  she  had  continued  kneeling, 
and  her  expressions  of  thanksgiving  to  God,  exceed- 
ed all  she  had  ever  expressed  before.  She  appeared 
to  be  refreshed  as  with  new  wine.  1  had  no  doubt  of 
the  blessing.  Refining  fire  had  gone  through  her 
heart,  and  illuminated  her  soul.  We  were  all  happy. 
Then  I  sung, 

"  My  soul  would  sweetly  stay. 

In  such  a  frame  as  this, 
And  sit  and  sing  herself  away, 

To  everlasting  bliss/' 

Our  dear  sister  Schuyler  lived  a  few  years  after, 
and  died  in  the  triumphs  of  faith.  She  was  taken 
with  spitting  blood,  and  though  she  was  naturally 
timid,  and.  was  apt  to  faint  or  be  greatly  alarmed,  at 
seeing  blood,  yet  now  she  was  composed,  and  sent 
for  her  husband  who  loved  her  most  tenderly,  and 
justly  appreciated  her  virtues  and  her  superior 
gifts.  He  beheved  in  religion,  and  professed  a 
sacred  regard  for  Christians  of  all  denominations. 
He  was  a  good  scholar,  well  versed  in  the  sciences, 
and  believed  himself  to  be  a  Christian,  because  he 
was  truly  an  honest  man  ;  but  did  not  profess  any 
particular  exercise  of  conviction  and  sudden  conver- 
sion of  which  some  others  spoke.  But  he  was  a 
kind  and  affectionate  husband  and  father,  a  good 
friend  to  the  poor,  and  a  lover  of  good  men.  I  can- 
not say  he  was  not  a  Christian.  He  often  expressed 
his  full  belief  in  the  gospel,  and  of  the  deep  piety  of 
his  wife  ;  and,  as  he  expressed  it,  **  her  unusual  good 


ii    ; 


■«* 


243 


gifl  in  prayer."  She  also  excelled  in  charity.  But 
when  he  came  into  the  room  as  I  was  informed,  and 
saw  his  dear  wife  spitting  blood,  she  said,  **My  dear, 
I  am  going,  see,  (as  she  spit  out  a  mouthful  of  blood) 
see,  these  are  the  harbingers  of  death."  It  was  so 
sudden  upon  him,  that  he,  seemingly  off  his  guard, 
said,  •*  O  Sally,  you  must  not  die,  you  shan't  die," 
and  sunk  upon  the  floor,  and  was  seized  with  the 
gout  in  the  stomach.  His  father-in-law.  Esquire 
Sands,  was  present,  and  had  him  removed  to  an 
upper  room.  A  doctor  was  called  to  his  assistance, 
who  pronounced  him  dangerously  ill  They  sent 
for  lawyer  Ellis  to  make  his  will,  and  at  intervals 
when  he  was  able  and  composed,  he  would  dictate  to 
the  lawyer  how  to  write  his  will.  But  soon  he  would 
inquire  after  his  wife,  "  how  is  Sally?  I  know  she 
will  go  to  Heaven  :  I  want  to  go  with  her."  Then 
the  fit  would  attack  him  and  last  for  some  time.  His 
friends  were  greatly  alarmed  for  his  safely.  After 
his  wife  was  dead,  they  informed  him  she  was  bet- 
ter,  but  he  was  not  to  be  deceived,  he  was  confident 
she  was  dead.  He  forbid  their  taking  her  away, 
and  seemed  flighty.  He  would  start  as  though  he 
heard  the  funeral  procession.  Esquire  Sands  kept 
by  him,  and  soothed  him  until  he  was  composed, 
and  could  hear  that  she  was  dead  with  some  de- 
gree of  composure.  Before  she  died  she  said  to 
her  sister  Christina  Sands,  "I  bless  the  Lord 
that  I  am  a  Methodist.  By  them  I  heard  the  doc- 
trine of  sanctification,  and  it  was  at  brother  Hib- 
bard's,  in  class-meeting,  I  experienced  the   blessing 


H 


244 

of  perfect  love.     It  is  now  my  consolation.     O  the 
boundless  love  of   God.     Boundless  !  Boundless  !'* 
After  her  death,  her  husband  being  so  unwell,  it  was 
thought  best  to  have  her  buried  in  the  family  bury- 
ing ground,  without  any  funeral  oration  or  prayer, 
lest  her  husband  should  hear  it  and  relapse  again. 
But    our    church  was  hung  in  mourning,     and  the 
next    Sabbath  a  funeral    sermon   was    preached   to 
a    large    congregation,    and  it    might  be  truly  said 
they  were  all  mourners.     Our  church  and  the  com- 
munity at  large,  sustained  a  great  loss  in  the  death 
of  sister  Sally  Schuyler.     She  was  an  ornament 
to  religion.     It  is  no  disparagement  to  the  female 
sex  to  say  of  her,    **  Many  daughters    have    done 
\irtuously,  but  thou  hast  excelled  them  all."     It  was 
the  grace  of  God  that  made  her  triumph  in  death. 
Well  might  Balam  say,  "Let  mc  die  the  death  of 
the  righteous,  and  let  my  last  end  be  like  his." 

Some  others  were  also  sanctified  unto  God,  and 
witnessed  a  good  confession.  In  Sharon,  Canaan, 
Sheffield,  and  Mount- Washington,  we  had  good  re- 
vivals of  religion.  At  Rhinebeck,  and  a  part  of  Red- 
hook,  between  twenty  and  thirty,  I  trust,  were  con- 
verted ;  at  Clinton-Town  and  Pleasant  Valley,  be- 
tween fifteen  and  twenty.  We  formed  a  class  in 
Poughkeepsieof  eight  members,  and  that  number  soon 
increased  to  twenty-three,  and  since  then  to  about  two 
hundred.  At  Beekman,  or  Oswego,  several  expe- 
rienced religion  ;  and  also  in  Fishkill  and  the  High- 
lands there  were  about  twenty  volunteers,  that  be- 
came good  soldiers  of  the  cross.     In   that  part  of 


215 

Beekman  called  the  Clove,  many  were  brought  to 
know  the  Lord.     I  preached  at  Dr.  Quinlin's.     His 
son  has  since    become   a   preacher.     Near  by   the 
Doctor's  lived  Peter  Lawson,  the  Quaker  Preacher, 
and  his  good  brother  John.     Now  John  was  a  faith- 
ful Quaker,  and  one  of  the  elders  in  their  meeting  ; 
his  wife  Mary  also,  was  an  elder  in  the  women's 
meeting.     They  were  both  sincere  in  their  profes- 
sion.    John's   father   had    been   a   Lutheran,    and 
brought  up  his  children  in  that  way,  until  they  heard 
the  Quakers,   and  joined    with  them.     Now  John 
was  a  zealous  Quaker,  he  thought  it  his  duty  to  wear 
his  hat  sometimes  in  time  of    prayer,  which  was 
rather   more    zealous  for  the   ceremony  of  the  hat, 
than  Quakers  in  general  were  inclined  to  be.     Indeed 
it  was  rather  crowding  upon  the  rule  in  their  disci- 
pline, in  page  15,  where  they  prohibit  their  showing 
dislike  to  a  ministering  friend  by  keeping  on  the  hat 
in  lime  of  prayer.     Therefore  John,  who  had  pro- 
mised the  Doctor  that  he  would  attend  the  meeting, 
sent  a  boy  to  know  of  me,    if  it  would  be  offensive 
for  him  to  set  with  his  hat  on  in  time  of  prayer ;  and 
informed  me  that  he  sometimes  did  so   in  his  own 
meetings.     Tfie  Doctor  asked  me  about  it.     I  told 
the  Doctor  he  might  set  with  his  hat  on,  it  would  not 
disturb  me  at  all,  if  he  was  but  sincere  in  doing   it. 
I  added,  "  that  f  was  so  far  from  being  disturbed  or 
offended  with  it,  that  if  he  wanted  two  hats  to  wear 
in  lime  of  meeting,  I  would  lend  him  mine."     But 
the  Doctor  said  nothing  to  him  of  this  offer ;  how- 
ever, John  came  and  sat  with  his  hat  on.   I  preached 


t 

I  { 

I 


246 

that  night,  on,  "  Except  a  man  he  born  again  he  can- 
not see  the  kingdom  of  God:'  John  was  convinced 
that  he  never  was  born  again,  and  came  to  me  after 
meeting,  and  invited  me  to  his  house.  His  brother 
Peter,  also  invited  me  to  his  house.  So  I  went 
with  John,  and  the  next  day  called  on  Peter.  I 
made  free  to  talk  with  them,  and  use  my  own  liberty 
in  the  Lord,  to  pray  as  I  thought  was  right.  John 
and  Mary,  and  father  Lawson,  were  all  attentive  to 
prayer.  John  and  Mary  got  converted  before  long, 
so  they  knew  something  more  about  religion  than 
they  did  before,  and  loved  to  come  to  our  meetings, 
and  invite  the  preachers  to  their  house.  The  Qua- 
kers began  to  deal  with  them  for  hearing  the  Metho- 
dists;  and  Peter,  though  at  first  friendly,  was 
directly  much  opposed  to  the  Methodists,  and  ex- 
pressed great  concern  for  brother  John.  Now  Peter, 
about  this  time,  was  accused  of  having  connexion 
with  a  woman  that  was  not  his  wife  ;  though  he  had 
a  very  comely  wife,  and  the  young  woman  he  was 
suspected  of  having  connexion  with,  had  a  fine 
child  that  was  without  a  father  to  own  it,  because  she 
would  not  swear  it  to  any  one.  Well,  some  said  one 
thing,  and  some  another,  but  the  Quakers  thought 
best  only  to  stop  Peter  from  preaching,  though  evi- 
dence was  very  plain  against  him.  But  John  and 
Mary  were  a  great  grief  to  their  Qiiaker  friends  ; 
again  and  again  they  visited  John  and  Mary  to  per- 
suade  them  not  to  go  to  the  Methodist  meeting ;  but 
they  were  not  to  be  hindered  or  abridged,  in  what 
ihey  viewed  to   be   their  Christian  privilege.    Very 


247 

much  labor,  however,  was  bestowed,  and  truly, 
every  means  in  the  power  of  the  Quakers  was  re- 
sorted to.  At  last  John  received  a  letter,  it  seemed 
to  be  in  the  hand-writing  of  his  brother  Peter, 
though  poorly  written,  but  it  was  signed  *'  Satan, 
great  Prince  of  HelW  This  letter  was  addressed  in 
the  following  manner  :  "  To  my  trusty  and  well  be- 
loved friend  John  Lawson."  It  then  went  on  lo 
congratulate  him  on  the  good  service  he  was  render- 
ing him,  by  going  to  hear  the  Methodists,  who  were 
his  (Satan's)  good  friends  and  faithful  servants,  and 
that  he  also  was  about  to  leave  the  Quakers,  his  (Sa- 
tan's) greatest  enemies.  He  informed  John  that  if 
he  joined  the  Methodists,  it  would  be  the  greatest 
service  he  could  render  him,  for  the  Methodists 
would  consider  him  as  a  rare  fish,  if  they  could  catch 
him.  It  was  so  seldom  that  a  Quaker  ever  turned 
Methodist,  that  if  he  should  join,  they  would  publish 
it  from  Quarterly-meeting  to  Quarterly-meeting. — 
Thus,  in  this  manner  he  wrote,  and  then  apologized 
for  writing  so  poorly  ;  for  he  said,  *'  he  had  been  so 
hard  at  work,  shovelling  fire  and  brimstone  several 
days,  that  it  made  his  hands  tremble."  It  appeared 
that  Peter,  who  followed  burning  lime,  had  been 
hard  at  work  for  several  days  shovelling  lime,  pre- 
vious to  John's  receiving  this  letter.  John  felt  unwil- 
ling to  say  much  about  it,  for  fear  it  was  written  by 
his  brother  Peter.  Some  asked,  "can  Satan  write  ?" 
Some  said,  *'  yes,  if  he  has  a  good  secretary."  But 
no  one  said,  that  I  know  of,  "  that  Peter  would  not 
make  Satan  a  good  secretary  of  state,"  though  thai 


* 


/ 


it 


248 

letter  was  written  poorly.  Well,  who  would  have  be- 
lieved it,  the  Quakers  expelled  John  and   Mary  for 
going  to  the  Methodist  meeting.    But  Peter  was  re- 
tained a  member.     And  so  it  happened,   in  a  short 
lime  after,  Peter's  wife  died  ;  good  woman,  no  doubt, 
grief  w^as  some  part  of  the  cause  of  her  death.     But 
soon  after  her  death,  the  same  young  woman  that  had 
one  child  without  a  father,  was  like  to  have  another. 
But  I  was  informed  that  she  said,  in  plain  language  to 
Peter,  though  she  was  not  a  Quaker,  "  that  if  he 
would  not  marry  her,  she  would  swear  it  upon  him." 
Whereupon  he  went  before  a  magistrate  and  took  her 
to  wife.     This  was  a  plain    breach  of  discipline   to 
marry  out  of  the  meeting  ;  but  the  young  woman  not 
being  a  member  of  their   church,  or  of  any  church, 
could  not  be  married    in   the   meeting;  besides,   it 
was  several  months   too   late   to  appear  decently  in 
meeting,  if  she  had  even  been  disposed  to  be  a  Qua- 
ker.    But  Peter  must  have  had  his  thoughts   at  this 
time  :  He  loved  his  dear  brethren,  and  knew  if  he 
married  out  of  the  meeting,  he  must  be  turned  out ; 
and  he  was  turned  out. 

When  I  heard  that  John  was  cast  out,  I  found 
him,  as  Christ  found  the  man  ihat  had  been  blind, 
and  was  cast  out  of  the  synagogue  for  owing  him. 
So  it  seems  John  and  Mary  were  cast  out  for  own- 
ing the  Methodists  to  be  the  people  of  God.  I  said 
to  John,  now  you  must  come  forward  and  join  our 
society.  He  said,  "  he  did  not  know  lliat  we  would 
take  him  in."  I  said,  **  yes,  if  you  have  a  desire  to 
flee  the  wrath  to  come,  and  be  saved  from  your  sins, 


249 

and  live  a  holy  life."  However,  John  thought  to 
secure  his  right  to  wear  his  hat  ;  so  he  mentioned  it 
to  the  class,  and  asked  them  if  they  were  willing  he 
should  wear  his  hat  in  time  of  meeting  ?  They  said, 
**yes."  He  said,  "he  had  thought  it  his- duty  to 
wear  his  hat,  and  he  did  not  think  his  conscience 
would  let  him  do  otherwise." 

The  brethren  knew  all  this,  and  believed  him  sin- 
cere. However,  he  joined,  and  I  was  told  that  the 
next  Sabbath  when  he  came  to  praj'er-meeting,  on 
entering  the  house  he  went  around  by  the  gallery 
stairs  and  hung  up  his  hat ;  and  then  came  around 
and  sat  down  on  his  seat  as  usual  near  the  altar. — 
Some  on  seeing  it,  smiled  to  think  what  an  experi- 
ment he  was  trying,  to  cure  himself  from  the  cere- 
mony of  hat  wearing ;  and  upon  experiment  John 
found  the  good  Spirit  was  with  him,  as  well  without 
his  hat  as  with  it ;  and  ever  after  that  he  could  set  in 
meeting  without  wearing  his  hat. 

My  spirit  being  grieved  with  this  conduct  of  the 
Quakers,  concerning  my  friends  John  and  Mary,  I 
was  led  to  study  their  history,  and  acquaint  myself 
with  their  doctrines.  Some  things  I  liked  very  much, 
and  some  things  I  did  not  like  at  all  ;  but  on  the  whole 
1  concluded  they  were  a  people  calculated  to  do  some 
good.  I  thought  them  kind,  honest,  and  obliging, 
when  they  could  be  so  without  interfering  with  their 
ceremonies. 


U* 


251 


CHAPTER  XII. 

One  day  I  was  reading  in  a  book  called  M'Cloud*8 
Essays,  and  there  he  related  the  case  of  a  man  that 
had  two  heaps,  one  of  incurables,  and  another  of 
unaccountahles.  I  thought  this  a  wise  plan,  so  I  adopt- 
ed it,  and  since  then  when  I  have  met  with  any  thing 
unaccountable,  after  making  a  fair  trial  and  being  un- 
able to  account  for  it,  I  cast  it  into  the  heap  of  unac- 
countablcs,  and  pass  on.  And  so  of  the  incurables  ; 
and  now  1  have  two  great  heaps.  I  sometimes  get 
an  unaccountable,  or  an  incurable,  out  of  the  heap,  and 
it  would  seem  that  my  heap  grew  less.  But  it  is  not 
so  ;  I  believe  I  throw  in  two,  where  I  get  out  one,  so 
that  my  heaps  grow  larger  every  year. 

About  this  time  I  heard  of  a  difficulty  with  the 
people  in  a  certain  town  in  New-England.  The 
people  got  into  a  quarrel,  one  with  another,  and 
many  efforts  were  made  to  reconcile  them,  but  all 
failed  ;  ihis  would  seem  one  of  the  incurables.  At 
last  they  agreed  firmly  among  themselves,  to  submit 
their  difficulties  to  the  judgment  of  a  certain  godly 
minister,  in  a  distant  town  ;  so  they  appointed  two 
men,  one  of  each  party,  to  wait  on  the  minister,  and 
relate  the  cause  that  each  party  had  for  dissatisfaction ; 


and  the  minister  was  to  write  his  judgment  of  the 
case  ;  then  the  people  would  all  meet  on  the  day  he 
was  to  send  them  his  pastoral  letter,  and  have  it  read 
by  the  clerk  of  the  town,  and  they  would  all  abide  by 
his  judgment  and  counsel.  So  after  the  good  minis- 
ter heard  the  story  of  the  quarrel  from  the  two 
delegates,  and  had  written  his  opinion  and  counsel 
to  them;  he  had  occasion  also,  (it  being  in  the  Spring 
of  the  year,)  to  write  a  few  lines  to  a  farmer,  on  one 
of  his  farms  at  a  small  distance.  It  so  happened 
that  the  messengers  that  were  to  carry  the  letters 
both  rode  up  at  the  same  lime,  and  being  in  a  hurry 
the  good  man  made  a  mistake,  he  folded  the  letters 
without  superscriptions,  and  gave  the  letter  intended 
for  the  farmer  to  the  messenger  that  came  from  the 
town,  and  sent  that  for  the  town  to  the  farmer.  Well, 
the  people  of  the  town  were  all  assembled,  waiting 
when  the  messenger  came,  and  the  clerk  read  the 
hasty  written  scroll,  as  follows  ; 

"  You  had  better  see  that  your  fences  are  put  up 
well  in  the  first  place.  Plow  your  ground  deep,  and 
sort  your  seed  ;  be  careful  not  to  sow  foul  seed,  and 
take  care  of  that  great  ugly  bull.  I  think  you  had  bet- 
ter poke  him.     The   rest  I  will  tell  you  when  I 


come. 


>j 


The  people  on  hearing  this,  were  all  astonished, 
and  sat  for  a  while  in  amazement.  Some  said  they 
could  not  understand  it.  At  last  one  arose  and  said 
he  understood  it ;  that  the  meaning  was  all  revealed 
to  him.  First,  He  said,  the  putting  up  the  fences 
that  were  down,  signifies  the  discipline  of  the  church. 


7 

1 


|i  (•! 


25i 

We  have  neglected  those  good   rules  of  discipline, 
that  serve  to  protect,  and   guard  us  against  evil  pas- 
sions ;  and  when  neglected  like  a  fence  thrown  down, 
leave  the  field  open  to  wild  beasts.     Secondly,  The 
plowing  the  ground  deep,  signifies    the  breaking  up 
the  fallow  ground  of  the  heart,  that  every  one  should 
search   his  own   heart,  and    prepare  it  for  the  good 
seed.     Thirdly,  The   sorting  of  seed,  signifies  that 
we  should  be  careful  not  to  believe    every  story  thai 
is  told  us  ;  but  examine   faithfully  into  every  thing, 
and   receive   nothing  but  the  truth.     We  have   not 
done  this,  but  we  have  been  guiUy  of  evil  speaking, 
and  of  backbiting  one  another,  and  we  have  all  done 
wrong.     And  Fourthly,   As  to  that  great  ugly  bull, 
that  means  the.  devil ;  he  has  done   us  much  harm* 
and  we  have  not  resisted,  him  as  wc  ought   to  have 
done,  therefore  we  ought  all   to   unite  and  resist  the 
devil.     This  explanation  was  satisfactory.     They  all 
took  it  as  good  counsel,  and  it  laid  open  the  true  cause 
of  all  their  troubles.     They  began   to   confess  their 
faults  one  to  another,  and  pray  one  for  another,    and 
soon  all  their   difficulties    subsided,    and    liie  great 
wound  in  the  peace  of  the    town  was  healed. 

Very  great  difficulties  are  sometimes  removed  by 
very  simple  means,  and  I  ought  not  to  despair  of  the 
cure  of  church  divisions,  or  of  any  erroneous  notions, 
though  I  may  not  be  able  to  do  it  myself,  but  I  am 
not  excused  in  the  court  of  my  own  conscience, 
unless  1  try,  and  when  I  have  done  my  best,  and 
cannot  succeed,  I  then  cast  it  into  the  heap  of  incu- 
rables and  pass  one.     But  to  return  to  my  narrative. 


253 

Dutchess  county  at  this  time  was  more  favored,  than 
it   had  been  in  days  past.     Religious  people  of  dif- 
ferent orders   were   more  engaged  in  religion,    and 
there  was    something  good    going   on    in    different 
places.     James  Horton,  an  exhorter,  was  a  flaming 
witness  for  the   Lord  in  Beekman.     He  had  been  a 
rough  sinner ;  but  nothing  is  impossible  with  God. 
James  was  av^rakened  through  the  instrumentality  of 
the  Methodists,   and  was  made  a  witness  that   our 
Lord  Jesus  Christ  forgiveth  sins.     In  his  conversion 
the  change  was    wonderful,  from  a  rough    swearing 
sinner,  he  became  the  most  docile,  meek,  humble, 
lovinsr  soul  I  ever  saw.     It  was  soon  discovered  that 
James  must  call  sinners  to  repentance.     Indeed,  he 
would  exhort,  and  pray,  and  sing  most  swxelly.     But 
he  was  poor,  and   worked  hard  for  a  living,  a  shoe- 
maker by  trade.     I    said  to  James  one  day,    "  how 
much  can  you  earn  in  a  month  ?"  He  said  "  fuurtcen 
dollars."     "  Well,"  said  I,  "  go  with  me  around  the 
circuit  four  weeks,  and  I  will  give  you  fourteen  dol- 
lars."    So  James  put  his  things  to  rights,  and  a  friend 
volunteered  the  loan  of  his  horse  for  James  to  ride, 
in  hopes  good   would  be  done.     And  many  prayers 
were  offered  up  for  our  success.      We  went  on  from 
the  Clove  to    Dover,  and  around  the  circuit.     When 
I  had  done  preaching,  James  would  exhort  and  pray, 
and  our  meetings  were  attended  with  Divine  unction. 
Thirteen   souls  professed  to   experience  religion  in 
those  four  weeks,  and  many  were  awakened.     From 
this  time  I  date  the  coramenceinent  of  the  good  work 
God  was  pleased  to  favor  this  circuit  with,  that  lasted 


I 


254 

for  several  j^ears,  until  the  number  of  mennbers  had 
increased  to  more  than  thirteen  hundred^  and  the 
circuit  was  divided  into  two,  called  Dutchess  and 
Rhinebeck  circuits.  I  had  said  to  James  on  setting 
out,  "  I  shall  solicit  the  brethren  to  make  you  some 
presents  privately,  and  I  wish  you  to  keep  account, 
and  if  you  don't  get  fourteen  dollars,  I  will  make  it 
up  to  you ;  but  you  need  not  say  any  thing  about 
your  poverty."  So  I  spoke  privately  to  those  I  knew 
could  spare  a  little  and  not  injure  them.  Some  gave 
him  a  quarter  of  a  dollar,  some  half  a  dollar,  and 
some  more  ;  so  that  when  we  got  around  the  circuit, 
he  had  about  twenty-nine  dollars.  I  asked  him  if  he 
was  not  well  paid  ?  He  said,  "  yes,"  and  offered  to 
refund  all  but  fourteen  dollars.  But  I  said,  "  no,  it 
is  all  yours,  the  Lord  has  given  it  to  you,  be  en- 
couraged and  be  faithful." 

One  meeting,  in  Sharon  Hollow,  I  shall  never  for- 
get. James  began  to  exhort,  and  the  love  of  God 
made  him  eloquent.  He  portrayed  the  distressed 
state  of  poor  sinners  without  God  in  the  world,  and 
then  the  rich  provision  God  had  made  to  save  them, 
the  love  of  God  in  sending  his  Son  to  die,  and  the 
Spirit  to  strive  with  sinners  to  draw  them  to  Christ, 
yet  sinners  would  not  come,  they  would  not  be  saved 
by  grace,  and  made  light  of  the  invitations.  **  O,'* 
said  he,  **  my  eyes  affect  my  heart.  I  see  precious 
souls  here  for  whom  Christ  has  died,  and  1  fear  they 
are  unconverted  ;  they  have  been  warned  and  invited 
to  turn  to  the  loving  Saviour,  but  still  they  put  him 
from  them  ;  and  what  more  can  be  done  than  has 


255 

been  done.  I  pity  them,  they  have  no  food  for  their 
souls,  they  have  no  solid  comfort  now,  they  can  have 
no  comfort  in  death  ;  soon  they  must  hear  the  Arch- 
angel's trump,  '  come  to  judgment,  come  to  judg- 
ment,' and  they  have  no  friend  to  relieve  them  there. 
O  that  I  could  persuade  them  to  come  to  my  precious 
loving  Jesus  ;  but  what  can  I  do  ?  I  can  do  nothing 
but  pity  and  weep  over  you.  Yes,  dear,  precious 
souls,  I'll  weep  over  you."  He  paused,  while  tears 
ran  down  amain,  and  turning  about,  he  spoke  to  me 
in  the  most  melting  strain,  "  0  !  brother  Hibbard, 
weep  with  me,  let  us  weep  for  poor  sinners  whom 
we  cannot  persuade."  By  this  lime  tears  flowed 
from  every  eye,  and  for  several  minutes  we  could 
hear  nothing  but  weeping  and  crying  through  the 
house.  Then  some  began  to  pray,  so  that  our 
meeting  lasted  till  a  late  hour  at  night,  and  five  pro- 
fessed to  be  converted. 

We  had  many  other  excellent  meetings,  and  the 
work  of  God  was  evidently  begun  on  this  circuit : 
insomuch  that  souls  began  to  flock  into  society,  like 
clouds  and  doves  to  their  windows.  After  I  left  the 
circuit,  I  was  informed  by  the  preacher  that  followed 
me,  that  he  took  in  forty- two  members  the  first  lime 
he  went  around  the  circuit,  and  between  three  and 
four  hundred  joined  the  society  that  year.  These 
are  the  Lord's  doings,  and  they  are  marvellous  in  our 
eyes,  and  rejoicing  to  my  soul. 

After  living  three  years  at  Rhinebeck,  on  Dutch- 
ess circuit,  I  was  appointed  to  travel  Croton  circuit, 
1805.     I  moved  from  Rhinebeck  with  my  family,  to 


li   1 


If 


25G 

Stephen-Town,  since  called  Somers-  I  iiad  sent  lo 
the  circuit  stewards  to  provide  me  a  house  ;  they  got 
nne  one  that  had  been  formerly  occupied  as  as  store, 
near  S.  Wilson's.  Here  we  lived  until  the  next 
spring. 

Our  leaving  Rhinebeckwasanother  weeping  scene. 
We  had  formed  a  pretty  extensive  acquaintance,  and 
found  very  kind  neighbors,  not  only  Methodists  but 
Presbyterians  and  Baptists,  and  Lutherans  ;  all  very 
kind.  And  those  who  made  no  profession  in  any 
Church,  were  also  respectable  and  kind  neighbors. 
Some  had  proposed  to  raise  a  salary  for  me,  and  call 
me  to  locale  and  settle  wilh  them.  I  was  wailed 
upon  in  due  form  ;  and  I  presume  they  would  have 
raised  four  or  five  hundred  dollars  for  me.  One  in- 
formed me  that  he  presumed  he  could  get  three  hun- 
dred dollars  subscribed  for  me  by  the  next  day  night, 
if  I  would  consent  to  stay  ;  and  he  would  not  ask 
one  cent  of  the  Methodists.  Several  urijed  me  hard 
to  slay  there.  At  last  J  submitted  it  to  my  wife.  If 
she  said  stay,  I  would  locate  and  stay  with  them.  At 
this  they  seemed  pleased  ;  but  my  wife  desired  time 
to  think  of  it.  They  consented  she  might  have  till 
the  next  morning.  She  laid  the  whole  matter  before 
the  Lord  in  prayer,  and  got  her  answef,  just  as  I  had 
done  before.  So  the  next  morning  she  said,  it  will 
not  do  for  you  to  locate.  The  Lord  has  blessed  you 
in  this  calling,  and  if  you  locate  contrary  to  his  will 
you  may  be  cursed,  and  I  had  rather  suffer  wilh  you 
and  have  the  blessing  of  the  Lord,  than  enjoy  the 
comforts  of  this  life  and  suffer  the  curse.     When 


257 


they  heard  this  opinion,  they  were  astonished,  and 
said,  I  hope  the  Lord  will  bless  you ;  we  did  not 
mean  to  urge  you  lo  your  own  injury. 

Now  parting  from  such  sincere  friends,  was  truly 
painful.     However,  we  sustained  it  without  shame, 
for  the  tears  we  shed.     I  had    many,    very   many 
friends  on  this  circuit — all  of  whom  I  received  from 
the  Lord  as  a  reward  of  my  labors.  One  thing  more  I 
must  mention  that  was  a  means  of  the  revival  of  re- 
ligion on  Dutchess  circuit,  before  I  leave  this  part  of 
ray  narration.     I  was  impressed  with  the  necessity 
of  a  concert  of  prayer.     I  therefore  called  the  atten- 
tion of  the  brethren  in  the  classes  all  around  the  cir- 
cuit, to  covenant  with  me  to  arise  in  the  morning  be- 
fore sun-rise,  and  spend  a  little  lime  in  secret  prayer, 
precisely  at  sun-rise,  and  follow  this  every  morning 
for  three  months — let  nothing  hinder  from   rising  so 
early,  but  ill  health.     I  wished  they  would  signify 
their  willingness  to  covenant    with  me  by  rising  up. 
All  but  a  few  arose,  and  heartily  covenanted.     Hav- 
ing gone  once  around  the  circuit,  and  got  nearly  all 
into  ihe  covenant,  I  found  my  best  lime  of  day  after 
this,  was  sun-rise.     I  never  missed  awaking  before 
sun-rise  but  once,  and  that  was  attended  wilh  some- 
thing very  peculiar.     I  had  preached  at  Tower  Hill, 
and  our  meeting  lasted  till  late  in  the   night,  when  I 
retired  to  bed  fatigued,  but  happy.     I  dreamed  just 
before  I  awoke,  that  I  was   at   Amenia  at  brother 
Powers,'  and  the  society  were  all  present  formeeting, 
the  brothers  Powers  and  Ingraham,  and  their  fami- 
lies were  there,  and  I  saw  their  souls  all  shining  with 


\i  * 


259 

glory.  I  thought,  now  I  see  things  as  I  have  want- 
ed to  see  them.  I  never  saw  the  hearts  and  souls  of 
people  before,  and  they  all  were  devoted  to  God  with 
a  brilHancy  that  manifested  the  purifying  love  of  God. 
I  was  so  animated  with  this  sight,  that  I  awoke  and 
found  the  sun  had  just  arisen.  I  thought  surely  God 
has  given  me  this  dream  to  awake  me  in  season  to 
join  the  concert  of  prayer.  It  appeared  to  me  that  my 
dream  was  in  answer  to  prayer ;  at  least  I  began  to 
dream  of  seeing  the  shining  souls  of  the  brothers  and 
sisters  in  that  place,  five  or  six  minutes  before  I 
awoke,  which  was  about  the  time  they  began  to  pray 
in  secret,  and  they  always  remembered  me  in  their 
prayers  ;  besides,  I  had  most  earnestly  prayed  the 
Lord  to  awake  me  by  sun-rise,  that  I  might  pray  in 
secret  at  the  same  time  my  brethren  did.  This  cov- 
enant had  a  peculiarly  good  effect.  It  served  to 
quicken  the  brethren  to  duly,  and  taught  them  to  rise 
early  in  the  morning.  To  lounge  in  bed  after  sun- 
rise, summer  or  winter,  is  a  great  evil,  unless  in  the 
case  of  doctors  and  sick  persons  who  have  been  long 
broken  of  their  rest.  But  some  hysterical  women, 
and  hypochondrical  men,  have  indulged  in  a  habit  of 
lying  in  bed  in  the  morning,  whereas  nothing  can  be 
worse  for  them.  I  cured  one  who  had  been  bed-rid- 
den twelve  years,  by  advising  her  to  arise  before  sun- 
rise, and  drink  a  wine-glass  of  cold  spring  water  that 
run  out  of  the  ground  on  the  west  side  of  a  hill,  put- 
ting into  it  a  tea-spoonful  of  Indian  meal,,  and  then 
pray  to  the  Lord.  I  believe  awaking  in  the  morning 
and  walking  fifty  yards  in  a  pure  air,  which  she  was 


259 

able  to  do  after  the  first  week,  and  prayer  to  God  at 
this  early  hour,  was  the  best  part  of  the  remedy.  But 
drinking  a  little  cold  water  is  good»  and  a  tea-spoonful 
of  Indian  meal  will  hurt  no  one.  In  eight  weeks  she 
was  able  to  attend  a  meeting  half  a  mile  off,  and  gave 
glory  to  God  for  her  cure.  Some  doctors  may  call  this 
a  piece  of  quackery  ;  but  if  I  perform  a  cure  by  sim- 
ple means,  I  hope  they  will  allow  me  the  credit  of  it, 
seeing  I  got  no  pay  for  my  counsel.  To  rise  early 
and  pray  to  God,  is  good  for  health,  wealth,  and  vir- 
tue ;  and  prayer  for  the  sick  is  recommended  by  Di- 
vine inspiration.  Let  doctors  call  that  quackery  if 
they  dare. 

I  had  brother  John  Robertson  for  my  colleague 
on  Croton  circuit.  We  prayed  for  the  conversion  of 
three  hundred  that  year,  and  I  believe  we  had  about 
that  number  converted,  though  they  air  did  not  join 
society.  Our  first  camp-meeting  in  this  district,  was 
last  year,  in  the  town  of  Carmel,  on  this  circuit ;  and 
this  year  we  had  a  camp-meeting  at  Croton,  on  Gen. 
Phillip  Van  Courtlandt's  land,  and  it  was  a  great 
time  of  the  power  of  God  among  us  ;  hundreds  were 
awakened  and  converted  at  this  meeting.  Here  I 
first  introduced  the  practice  of  marching  around  a 
praying  circle  to  sing.  This  diverted  the  multitude 
from  crowding  on  those  that  were  praying  in  the  cir- 
cles ;  they  would  face  about  as  we  passed  around  to 
see  us.  This  has  had  a  very  good  effect  in  our  camp- 
meetings  since,  when  it  is  properly  attended  to.  I 
calculated  that  about  four  hundred  were  awakened 
and  converted,  as  the   fruits  of  this  camp-meeiing. 


I'  I 


I 


=tf 


.1 


260 

By  what  I  heard  from  the  diflferent  circuits,  and  from 
New  York  afterwards,  and  by  what  I  knew  of  the 
good  effects  on  our  circuit,  there  must  have  been  not 
les5  than  four  hundred,  though  there  was  not  this 
number  converted  at  the  meeting,  yet  I  think  there 
were  more  than  one  hundred  who  professed  to  be 
converted  there.  New  York  shared  largely  in  the 
good  effects  of  camp-meetings.  Our  friends  from  the 
city  improved  the  means  well,  and  were  greatly 
blessed. 

I  travelled  this  circuit  two  years,  and  at  the  close 
of  the  first  year,  I  begged  money  to  build  a  parson- 
age-house at  Croton  ;  so  I  moved  from  Somers  to 
Croton  about  the.  first  of  May,  as  our  Conference 
would  sit  about  the  middle  of  the  month,  and  this 
would  close  our  Conference  year.  I  got  the  work- 
men building  the  house,  and  in  about  two  months  we 
moved  into  it.  Here  we  lived  in  peace  and  quiet, 
found  good  friends,  and  had  many  good  meetings. 

The  second  year  I  had  brother  John  Finegan  for 
my  colleague.  Our  circuit  was  greatly  blessed. 
Peekskill  and  up  the  Hollow  in  the  Highlands,  Som- 
ertown.  South  and  North  Salem,  South  Easltown, 
New  Fairfield,  Pawlingslown,  as  well  as  Croton  and 
Courtlandt-town,  were  all  blessed  with  a  most  glo- 
rious display  of  the  divine  favor.  I  had  my  difficul- 
ties in  begging  money  enough  to  build  the  parsonage 
house,  and  pay  off  the  preachers  and  myself.  For  at 
the  first  quarterly  meeting,  though  brother  Robert- 
son was  a  single  man,  yet  after  paying  off  the  expen- 
ses and  his  quarterage,  I  had  but  twenty-nine  cents 


261 

for  my  share  for  that  quarter  ;  but  the  next  quarter 
the  collections  overrun,  so  that  I  got  some  part  of  my 
deficiency  ;  and,  on   the  whole,  at  the  close  of  the 
year,  I  was  not  more  than  one  hundred  and  twenty 
dollars  deficient,  reckoning  children  and  all.     And  at 
the  close  of  two  years,  I  was  able  to  pay  off  the  cost 
of  the  parsonage  house,   except  sixty  dollars  for  the 
ground,  and  fifty  dollars  that  I  had  not  collected.     I 
lived  about  ten  months  in  the  new  parsonage  house, 
and  intended  to  take  my  time  to  move  out,  but  one  of 
the  preachers  that  followed  me,  was  in  a  great  hurry 
at  first  to   move   in,   so   I   hurried   to  move  out.     I 
had  said  to  my  wife,  before  I  received   my   appoint- 
ment    to    New    Rochelle    circuit,    that    I    should 
be    sent    there    the    next    year.     It    now    became 
a  rule  of  discipline,  that   the   Bishop  should  not  ap- 
point a  preacher  more  than   two  years  successively 
on  the   same  circuit.     I  therefore  knew  that  I  must 
be  moved  off,   but  I  said    to   her,  '*  that  I   thought  I 
would  hire  a  house  in  as  wicked  a  neighborhood  as  I 
could  find  on  the  circuit.''     She  said,  **  well,  I  am 
willing."     And  so  it  was,  I  was  stationed  in  New 
Rochelle,  and  had  brothers    M.  B.    Bull,  H.  Red- 
stone, and,E.  Canfield,  for  my  colleagues.     Bro- 
ther Canfield  was  supernumerary,  and  a  single  man; 
the  other  brethren  were  married,  and  though  the  pre 
siding  elder's  dividend,  which  was  estimated  according 
to  the  number  of  preachers  on  a  circuit,  and   their 
claims  laid  a  double  portion  on  our  circuit,  yet  notwith- 
standing this,    I  paid  them  all  off,  but  I  was  rather 
more  deficient  this  year  than  usual. 


26-J 

I  had  become  acquainted  with  Dr.  J.  Pierce.  He 
came  to  board  with  us  and  to  teach  my  children, 
some  in  the  Latin,  and  some  in  the  English  languages. 
I  gave  him  my  money,  the  earnings  of  my  dear 
wife  while  at  Rhinebeck,  and  directed  him  to  go  to 
New  York,  and  lay  it  all  out  for  an  assortment  of 
drugs  and  medicine.  His  misfortunes  and  wicked- 
ness before  he  got  converted,  had  left  him  entirely 
destitute,  of  means  for  a  support,  and  as  he  was  truly 
converted  from  Deism  and  other  wickedness,  and 
had  been  recommended  to  me  as  a  man  that  had 
been  strictly  honest  in  money  matters,  even  while  he 
was  wicked  ;  so  I  had  no  hesitation  in  reposing  con- 
fidence in  him.  He  was  well  educated  in  the  science 
of  physic,  and  could  teach  the  Latin  language  well. 
My  sons  John  and  William  were  put  to  the  study 
of  Latin.  Father  Garrettson  had  said  to  me  be- 
fore, that  he  would  expend  a  thousand  dollars  to  edu- 
cate John,  and  clolhe  him  from  that  time  until  he  was 
fit  to  go  into  such  business  as  should  be  thought  best, 
and  it  was  left  to  me  to  choose  his  college,  &c. 
Therefore   this  plan  to  prepare  him  for  college,  I 

thought  would  be   a  good  one,  as   Dr.  P would 

have  his  board  with  us  for  teaching  my  children,  and 
the  use  of  the  druggist  shop  for  his  practice.  So  wc 
were  both  supplied  with  medicines  from  the  shop. 
He  kept  the  account  of  all  he  used,  &c.  We  had  no 
expectation: of  getting  rich,  but  we  were  in  hopes  of 
getting  an  honest  living. 

It  so  happened,  when  I  went  to  the  circuit  to  find 
a  place  to  move  into,  that  there  was  none  to  be  hid, 


263 

except  a  house  in  Greensburg,  four  corners.     This 
had  been  a  tavern  stand  for  many  years,  and  was  ac- 
counted the  wickedest  place  in  all  these  parts.     Tav- 
erns are  apt  to  make  people  wicked.     But  I  rented 
the  place  for  sixty  dollars  a  year,  and  found  after  we 
moved  in,  that  the  neighbors  were  not  so  wicked  as 
some   thought  for,  at  any  rate  we  found  them  to  be 
good    neighbors,    kind     and    obliging.      Here   was 
Isaac  Van   Wart,  one]  of  the  three  that  took   Ma- 
jor Andre,  the  spy,  in  the  revolutionary  war.    Isaac 
and     his  family  were  very   kind   to   us   as   neigh- 
bors.     And  there  was  Mr.  Campbell  and  William 
Hammond,  as  good  neighbors  as  we  could  wish  for 
—true  they  were  not  Methodists  ;  but  I  pteached  in 
my  own  hired  house,  and  they  and  many  others  came 
to  hear  me-     After  my  wife  and  Belsy  Williams,  an 
adoptedchild,  wholived  with  us,  had  cleaned  the  house 
from  the  garret  to  the  cellar,  so  that  all  the  tavern  filth 
was  cleansed  out ;  I  invited  all  my  neighbors  to  come  in, 
and  I  preached  to    them  on  Acts  xxviii.  30,  31.     It 
was  a  profitable  thing  to  the  neighborhood  to  turn  the 
tavern  into  a  preaching  house.     Thirteen  professed 
to  experience  religion  in  this  neighborhood  this  year, 
chiefly  children  and  young  people.     My  sons,  John 
and  William,  both  experienced  religion  at  the  camp 
meeting  this  season,  and  were  happy  in  the  love  of 
God. 

In  the  fall,  Dr.  Pierce  and  I,  felt  convinced  that 
our  plan  would  never  do.  He  could  not  get  practice 
as  a  physician,  sufl5cient  to  make  a  living.  And  I 
was  not  able  to  pay  his  wages,  so  he  concluded  to  go 


264 

lo  Fayetteville,  in  North  Carolina,  and  wished  me  to 
give  him  a  letter  to  Dr.  Schrieves  in  New  York,  to 
take  up  an  assortment  of  drugs  to  carry  on  with  him. 
I  did  so,  and  he  left  us.     About  four  weeks  after,   I 
left,  I  went  to  New  York,  and  found  him  at  Dr. 
Schrieves'.     He  had  all  his  things  put  up  ready  lo 
sail,  and  had  been  waiting  for  a  vessel,  until  he  had 
spent  all  his  money  but  thirty-one  cents,  and  now  he 
was  in  distress.     It  was  intimated  to  me  that  he  had 
talked  of  giving  up  his  journey  to  Carolina.     He  was 
a  stranger  in  New  York,  and  had  no  friend  but  me 
to  help  him,  and  I  was  myself  without  money.     He 
said  nothing  to  me  how  he  should  get  along  ;  I  con- 
jectured he  was  in  want  of  money  to  bear  his  expen- 
ses, so  I  took  him  aside  in  piivale,  and  asked  him  if 
be  had  money  to  pay  his  passage.     With  a  tear  in  his 
eye,  he  said,  **  I  have  but  two   and  sixpence."     I 
asked  him  how  much  he  wanted.     He  said,  "  fifteen 
dollars."     I  said,  "  if  you  can  send  it  to  me  in  a  let- 
ter by  mail,  after  you  arrive,  I  can  borrow  it  for  you." 
He  said  he  would.     I  borrowed  the  money  of  a  friend 
of  mine,  and  gave  it  to  him  privately. 

My  dear  wife  having  witnessed  the  fulfilment  of 
many  things,  which  I  had  told  her  were  revealed  to 
me  by  the  Lord,  when  I  was  twelve  years  old,  now  b6- 
gan  to  feel  uneasy  respecting  the  event  that  was  to  take 
place  this  year.  I  was  never  positive  what  that  event 
would  be,  but  it  was  the  death  of  some  one.  I  dared 
not  say  I  was  to  die ;  but  if  it  was  not  my  death,  it 
was  the  death  of  some  one  near  and  dear  to  me.  She 
often  asked  me,  if  I  had  a  particular  one  pointed  out. 


265 

I  said  no ;  but  sometimes  I  had  thought  it  was  myself 
that  was  to  die  ;  but  be  that  as  it  may,  if  I  am  faith- 
ful to  God,  all  will  be  well.  This  year  I  was  thirty- 
six  years  old,  and  some  extraordinary  event  was  to 
happen  to  me.  It  was  the  last  sabbath  in  November, 
that  we  had  our  quarterly  meeting  in  New  Rochelle. 
My  son  John  had  gone  lo  the  town  of  Rye,  to  attend 
some  prayer-meetings  with  some  boys  of  his  age  that 
had  been  converted  at  the  camp  meeting.  I  directed 
him  lo  meet  me  at  the  quarterly  meeting.  But  he 
took  a  cold,  which  brought  on  an  inflammation  of  the 
brain,  so  that  ho  only  came  on  as  far  as  brother 
Schureman's,  where  I  found  him  after  ten  o'clock  at 
night.  On  feeling  his  pulse,  I  found  it  indicated  a 
high  degree  of  inflammation.  But  some  said  it  was 
the  effect  of  his  exercise ;  he  had  been  very  happy 
in  meeting.  I  gave  him  a  cathartic,  in  hopes  of  giv- 
ing relief  by  morning,  when  he  seemed  somewhat 
better.  But  when  I  returned  from  meeting  at  two 
o'clock,  I  found  him  worse.  Sent  for  Dr.  Rogers, 
who  advised  to  bleed,  and  lay  on  large  blisters.  But 
I  despaired  of  success.  Monday  he  was  worse.  I 
sent  home  Betsey  and  William,  who  had  come  with 

me  to  llie  meeting.     Brother  S ,  was  so  kind  as 

to  take  them  home,  and  bring  my  wife  the  same  day. 
John  knew  his  mother  but  could  not  hear  her  speak  : 
at  which  she  wept.  But  he  was  happy  in  God.  He 
said,  "  I  am  willing  to  die,  and  I  think  it  better  for 
me  to  die  than  to  live." 

On  Tuesday,  he  continued  to  grow  worse  ;  toward 

12 


266 

evening  he  lost  his  speech,  but  his  hearing  seemed  to 
return.  He  looked  to  me,  strove  to  speak  ;  and 
beckoned  to  have  me  pray  with  him  ;  we  all  kneeled 
by  his  bed,  he  closed  his  hands  and  looked  up,  then 
closed  his  eyes  and  attended  to  prayer.  When  I 
had  done,  he  looked  up  upon  me,  made  the  usual 
sign  of  his  head  as  when  he  bade  farewell,  turned  to 
his  mother  and  made  the  same  sign,  then  looked 
around  on  others  standing  by,  and  instantly  changed 
for  death.  When  I  saw  this,  I  repeated  these  lines 
of  the  poet, 

"  Come  Angels,  come  Angels,  he's  ready  to  fly 
Come  quickly,  convey  him  to  God  in  the  sky."' 

The  power  of  the  Lord  was  manifest  in  an  instant 
I  had  no  doubt,  but*  angels  hovered  around  us.  He 
died  easy,  but  when  his  breath  left  him,  and  his  spirit 
took  Its  flight,  his  mother  cried  out.  I  turned  to  her 
and  said,  "my  dear,  let  there  be  no  complaining— God 
and  his  angels  are  here,  let  there  be  no  complaining  " 
He  died  on  the  second  of  December,  aged  thirteen 
years,  four  months  and  two  days. 

The  next  day  my  wife  and  I  went  home  to  prepare 
for  the  funeral.  My  wife  said  she  must  have  some 
ihmgs  from  the  store,  to  prepare  some  of  the  child- 
ren for  this  solemn  occasion.  I  had  no  money,  not 
havmg  received  my  quarterage.  I  said,  **  this  is 
rather  trying  to  us,  I  am  not  much  acquainted  with 
the  merchant."  But  I  said,  "  we  will  call,  and  if 
be  will  trust  me  I  will  get  the  articles  you  need  if 
iiot,  we  must  do  without  them."    When  we  came 


267 


into  his  store,  (being  also  post-master,)  he  said  "  I 
have  a  letter  in  the  office  for'you"— and  reached  it  to 
me.  ^  I  saw  it  was  post  marked  twenty-five  cents.     I 
felt  strangely,  to  think  I  had  oot  even  money  enough 
to  pay  for  it.    I  opened  it,  however,  and  found  the  fif- 
teen dollars  enclosed,  that  I  had  lent  to  my  friend  Dr. 
Pierce  ;  so  I  paid  for  all  that  I  wanted.     My  wife 
said,    "  truly  the   Lord  will   provide."     When   we 
arrived  to  our  house,  the  children  came  out  to  inquire 
how  their  brother  John  was,  and   on  informing  them 
he  was  dead,  William  sunk  into  my  arms  and  cried, 
*'  O  father,  what  shall  I  do  V     We  bore  our  children 
into  the  house  as  well  as  we  could,  and  sat  down  by 
them  anS  wept.     After  this  we  all  joined  in  prayer. 
And  in  this  exercise  we  found  comfort.     I  asked  the 
Lord  if  I  was  to  meet  with  any  other  aflfliction  this 
year,  and  said,  **  Lord,  is  this  bereavement  all  ?"     I 
felt  the  answer  to  my  soul,  thai  this  was  all ;  and  said 
to  my  family,  I  believe  the  death  of  John,  is  all  we 
shall  be  called  to  mourn  for  novtr.     But  his  deaih  to  us 
was  great  cause  of  grief.     Father  Garrettson  lost 
his   pupil ;   and  by  this  death,  were  frustrated  all  the 
benevolent  designs  of  Mr.  and  Mrs.  Garrettson,  in 
his  education.    They  had  formed  these  benevolent  de. 
signs,  not  only  because  they  thought  his  genius  would 
be  so  improved  by  education,  as  to  make  him  very  use- 
ful to  society,   but  in  hopes  that  he  might  also  be  a 
support  to  us,  and  an  honor  to   his   benefactors. — 
Had  he  lived,  I  have  no  doubt    their    expectations 
would   have  been   realized,    and   the   comfort  they 
would  have  derived  from  the  success  of  their  design, 


# 


I 

I 


268 

Would  have  been  a  source  of  satisfaction  to  them  in 
their  old  age.  But  he  is  gone, — he  is  no  more  with 
us.  And  though  I  believe  he  is  in  a  bettor  world, 
yet  I  grieve  for  my  loss.  O  my  heart,  why  dost 
thou  pain  me  so  ?  God*s  will  is  best,  and  all  is  well ; 
and  yet  my  throbbing  heart  will  not  let  me  rest. — 
When  he  was  dying  I  was  a  man.  I  rejoiced  in  God, 
and  would  not  let  my  wife  complain ;  angels  filled 
the  house,  and  God  is  with  me  still.  But  why  does 
my  heart  grieve  ?  why  can  I  not  sleep  ?  I  have  other 
children  left ;  my  wife  is  sleeping  by  my  side,  and 
here  I  bathe  my  pillow  with  tears.  So  it  was  with 
me  at  times  when  alone,  by  day  or  by  night,  and  no 
one  knew  my  grief.  But  when  I  came  into  compa- 
ny or  with  my  family,  I  was  blessed  with  some  de- 
gree of  composure.  But  on  the  day  of  the  funeral, 
the  scene  was  more  affecting.  Our  friends  mourned 
with  us.     The  family  where  he  died,  was  exceeding 

kind.     Sister  S told  me,   *' that   she   had   been 

always  subject  to  a  fear  and  dread,  when  she  entered 
a  room'where  a  dead  corpse  lay,  till  now  ;  but  on 
entering  that  room,  (pointing  to  the  one  John  was  laid 
out  in)  I  feel  a  peculiar  delight,"  said  she.  "  As  I 
cross  the  threshold,  it  seems  as  though  a  perfume 
meets  me :  I  cannot  account  for  it  otherwise,  than 
that  God  has  in  a  special  manner,  blessed  us  in  hav- 
ing him  die  here.  Truly,  as  you  say,  the  angels  of 
God  are  in  the  house ;  my  children  can  hardly  be 
persuaded  to  leave  the  room.  I  saw  one  setting  in 
the  room  in  the  dark  of  the  evening,  and  I  asked  him 
why  he  sat  there  alone,  and  called  him  to  come  out ; 


269 

but  he  wept  and  said,  '  O  mother,  let  me  stay  here, 
it  seems  I  can't  be  out  of  this  room,  I  want  to  set 
here.*  And  she  added,  it  is  so  with  all  that  come 
in,  they  manifest  a  pleasure  in  being  in  the  room.' " 
After  prayer  in  the  house,  by  brother  Bull,  who 
preached  on  the  occasion,  before  we  went  to  the 
meeling-house  for  public  worship,  they  removed  the 
corpse  out  into  the  door-yard  to  form  the  proces- 
sion. When  the  children  of  this  kind  family  per- 
ceived that  they  were  about  to  take  the  corpse  away, 
they  cried  out  in  a  vehement  manner,  "  O  mamma ! 
don't  let  them  take  him  away;  mamma  !  don't  let 
them  take  him  away  !"  It  was  some  time  before 
they  could  be  pacified.  This  to  me  was  truly  affect- 
ing. If  they  who  are  strangers  are  so  unwilling  to 
part  with  him,  what  ought  not  I  to  fe'el  ?  After  the 
sermon  at  the  meeling-house,  I  arose  and  thanked 
the  people  for  their  sympathy  with  me  on  this  occa- 
sion ;  and  at  the  grave  I  desired  a  grave-stone  to  be 
placed  at  the  head,  in  memory  of  his  death,  with 
these  lines  under  the  inscription,  as  my  last  act  and 
prayer  for  him  : 

May  death's  best  slumbers  occupy  thy  urn, 
The  turf  that  hides  thee,  nature's  livery  wear, 

O,  be  thou  sacred  in  the  silent  bourn, 
Till  time  rolls  round  the  great  sabbatic  year. 

Myicind  friends  at  New  Rochelle  took  all  the  ex- 
pense upon  themselves,  for  which  I  hope  to  be  ever 
thankful.  This  year  closes  with  a  scene  I  had  anti- 
cipated for  more  than  twenty  years !  now  I  am  satis- 


270 


I 


fied,  though  before  I  could  not  be  positive  who  it  was 
that  should  die.  Now  I  have  a  plain  answer  to  prayer, 
that  this  death  embraces  all  the  loss  I  shall  meet  with 
at  present. 

But  it  had  been  also  manifested  to  me  at  the  time 
alluded  to,  that  I  should  have  many  difficulties  to 
surmount,  and  that  the  zeal  which  would  inspire  me 
to  oppose  dead  formality  in  professed  Christians, 
would  awake  indignation  against  me.  This  made 
me  sometimes  think  my  own  death  was  meant,  and 
that  possibly  I  should  be  a  martyr  for  the  caus-e  of 
Christ.  Dead  formality  seemed  to  reign  over  pro- 
fessors generally  throughout  this  region  ;  and  the 
people  called  Quakers,  though  they  denied  ordinan- 
ces and  professed  to  be  led  by  the  Spirit,  were  yet 
as  formal  as  any  class  of  people  I  know  of.  Though 
their  forms  differed  from  those  of  other  denomina- 
tions, and  they  professed  much  of  the  Spirit  and  in- 
ward work,  nevertheless,  there  were  many  of  them 
who  were  strangers  to  the  blood  that  redeemed  them, 
and  bought  their  pardon  on  the  tree  ;  and  though  I 
had  thought  them  an  inoffensive  and  pious  sort  of 
people,  and  that  they  would  never  persecute  others, 
yet  their  treatment  of  my  friends,  John  and  Mary 
Lawson,  convinced  me  that  they  did  not  like  the 
Methodists,  and  that  they  also  would  persecute.  I 
found  on  reading  their  authors,  that  they  used  many 
epithets  no  ways  agreeable  to  that  charily  which  they 
professed,  such  as  blinds  carnal^  not  yet  in  the  true 
lighty  enemies  to  them,  &c.  and  yet  to  profess  fellow- 
ship with  such,  was  wholly  inconsistent,  in  my  opin- 


io? I 


ion.  The  letter  my  friend  John  Lawson  received, 
signed,  "  Satan,  great  Prince  op  Hell,"  was  un- 
doubtedly  dictated  by  Satan  himself;  but  I  believe  it 
was  written  by  a  Quaker,  who  professed  great  char- 
ity ;  and  these  epithets  of  blinds  carnal,  &c,  did  not 
appear  to  me,  to  be  applied  by  them,  to  professors  of 
religion,  because  they  were  immoral,  or  not  pious  ; 
but  because  they  worshipped  God  in  the  use  of  ordi- 
nances ;  it  seemed  to  rae  they  viewed  baptism,  the 
Lord's  supper,  and  other  religious  ordinances,  as 
pernicious  and  delusive.  I  therefore  judged  them  in 
my  own  mind  to  be  in  an  error,  and  hostile  to  the 
true  spirit  of  the  Gospel.  To  defend  the  Gospel 
therefore,  I  wrote  the  pamphlet  entitled  the  "  Errors 
of  the  Quakers." 

This  pamphlet  made  a  great  noise;  and  I  was 
accused  by  the  Quakers  of  writing  falsehood.  A 
high  accusation  indeed  !  That  I  wrote  severely  is 
true  ;  but  that  I  wrote  any  falsehood,  is  not  true.  I 
defied  the  Quakers,  or  any  other  people  whatever,  to 
prove  one  falsehood  in  all  I  wrote.  I  offered  to  sub- 
mit it  to  the  judgment  of  five  candid  and  impartial 
men,  that  knew  the  nature  of  evidence.  But  this 
method  of  investigation,  they  prudently  declined.  If 
there  is  a  falsehood  in  any  thing  I  have  written,  I  am 
not  aware  of  it.  1  think  it  grievous  to  be  accused  by 
them,  while  thoy  refuse  to  adopt  any  legal  measures 
to  convict  me.  They  promised  the  presiding  elder, 
(as  he  informed  me,)  that  they  would  prefer  a  com- 
plaint to  the  conference  against  me.  This  would 
have  been  a  legal  measure ;  but  they  did  not  do  it.     I 


J^i  \ 


272 


273 


was  in  hopes  they  would,  for  I  wished  an  investiga- 
tion to  lake  place,  since  I  ought  not  to  be  condemned 
before  I  am  tried.  But  it  seems  I  cannot  have  that 
favor.  Our  conference  was  informed  that  they  had 
promised  to  prefer  their  complaint  ;  and  postponed 
the  examination  of  my  character  one  day,  until  a 
committee  appointed  by  the  conference,  had  waited 
on  some  of  the  principal  Quakers  in  New  York,  to 
know  of  them  whether  they  should  appear  against  me 
with  their  accusations,  &c.  After  waiting  on  them, 
the  committee  reported  that  they  said  they  should  not 
appear  ;  so  I  had  no  trial  for  want  of  an  accuser. — 
Whether  they  contemplated  an  answer,  and  employed 
Thomas  Willis  to  make  it  out  or  not,  instead  of  a 
legal  complaint,  I  cannot  say.  But  Mr.  Willis'  re- 
ply to  what  I  wrote  respecting  the  erroneous  doctrines 
of  the  Quakers,  is  a  demonstrative  proof  of  the  truth 
of  what  I  wrote,  and  no  refutation  at  all.  Witness 
Mr.  Scott's  remarks  on  his  pubhcation.  And  as  to 
his  contradicting  some  things,  which  Mr.  Scott  has 
not  noticed,  I  have  only  to  say,  Mr.  Willis  labors 
under  a  mistake  in  what  he  has  stated  ;  and  such  a 
mistake  too,  that  he  would  find  himself  at  a  loss  to 
prove  the  truth  of  his  assertions,  if  he  dared  to  ap- 
pear before  five  candid  men,  that  are  capable  of  judg- 
ing of  the  nature  of  evidence;  or  if  he  would  submit 
-^it  to  the  decision  of  the  five  judges  of  the  Supreme 
Court  of  this  state,  and  they  pronounce  me  guilty,  I 
will  pay  all  the  costs,  and  such  penalties  as  they  may 
award  ;  on  the  contrary,  if  he  does  not  prove  me 
guilty,  he  shall  pay  the  cost,  and  such  damage  as  they 


may  consider  mo  entitled  to,  for  the  sufferings  I  have 
endured  from  their  slanderous  reports. 

To  correct  an  error  of  my  own,  respecting  the 
Quakers,  I  shall  state,  that  I  formerly  thought  that 
nil  the  Quakers  held  the  opinions  professed  by  Elias 
HicKs  and  T.  Willis  :  but  in  this  I  have  since 
found  myself  mistaken  ;  I  find  some  do  not  hold  as 
Elias  H.  does,  neither  is  he  approved  of  by  all  of 
them.  If  he  was,  I  should  pronounce  them  all  com- 
plete deists,  not  Christians,  but  deists  in  full  measure. 
But  some  I  know  are  not  advocates  of  his  opinions. 
With  respect  to  him  and  his  party,  I  do  not  expect 
any  forgiveness  from  some  of  them,  for  what  I  have 
written,  either  in  this  world,  or  in  the  world  to  come, 
neither  do  I  ask  any.  If  I  were  really  guilty  of 
writing  falsehoods,  and  they  were  Christians,  they 
would  prove  their  charge  of  falsehood  before  they 
condemn  me.  But  as  this  is  not  the  case,  I  never 
can  be  forgiven  by  them,  world  without  end. 

It  may  be  that  some  may  think  they  proved  me 
guilty  of  falsehood,  at  a  public  meeting  we  had  in 
New  Rochelle.  The  method  and  matter  of  proof, 
are  too  ridiculous  for  sensible  men  to  boast  of ;  but 
such  as  they  were,  I  must  give  the  reader  a  sample 
or  two,  and  let  him  judge  for  himself.  To  prove 
me  guilty  of  falsehood,  they  said,  "  Thou  hast  said 
the  Quakers  deny  the  Scriptures  ?"  I  answered, 
**  I  have  not  said  it."  "  Ah,  well,  thee  said  they  de- 
nied the  Scripture  to  be  the  word  of  God?'^  **  Yes, 
now  you  have  got  it  right.     Well,  do  you  believe  the 

12* 


if 


'  274 

Scriptures  are  the  word  of  GodT  After  a  little 
cavilling,  they  answered  "  no."  **  Well,  where  is  my 
falsehood  then?".  "Why,  thee  says  it  is  an  f?rror, 
and  it  is  not  an  error,  and  there  are  many  other  false- 
hoods." "Well,"  I  said,  "  point  me  out  another?" 
«*  Well,  thee  says  the  Quakers  deny  the  resurrection  ! 
but  we  hold  to  a  resurrection."  "  Do  you  hold  to  the 
resurrection  of  the  body  ?  that  is  the  question."  Again 
after  some  caviUmg,  they  answered  "  no."  "  Well." 
so  I  said,  "  where  then  is  my  falsehood  ?"  "  Why, 
thee  says  it  is  an  error,  and  it  is  not  an  error."  This 
is  afair  sample  of  their  method  of  proving  mc  guilty.  I 
cannot  say  but  I  felt  some  shame,  and  have  ever 
since,  not  for  any  crime  laid  to  my  charge,  but  for  the 
silly  arguments  they  made  use  of  to  prove  their  ac-  , 
cusation.  I  now  no  longer  wonder  that  Elias 
Hicks  is  so  celebrated  among  them,  as  he  is  also 
among  Deists,  as  they  are  not  governed  by  Scripture 
testimony  or  truth  :  but  their  opinion  is  their  rule.— 
Not  by  fruits  do  they  judge  me— their  imagination, 
or  their  own  spirit  seems  to  be  their  guide,  not  the 
Spirit  of  the  Lord,  or  the  word  of  his  grace. 

Elias  seems  to  have  an  inveterate  spleen  against 
the  Scriptures.  I  once  heard  him  labor  to  prove 
that  the  Scriptures  were  of  no  use  in  teaching  us  the 
knowledge  that  God  is  love.  And  speaking  of  re- 
demption by  the  death  and  sufferings  of  Jesus  Christ, 
he  safd,  "  it  was  a  carnal  error  to  believe  we  were 
redeemed  by  the  sufferings  and  death  of  Christ." — 
Now  I  think  this  is  Deism  in  full  measure.  Elias 
Hicks  is  a  great  man  among  some  Quakers,  and  very 


275 

positive  in  his  opinion.  But  the  Apostle  Peter  was  a 
great  man  too,  in  my  opinion,  and  he  says,  "  we  were 
not  redeemed  with  corruptible  things  as  silver  and 
gold,  but  with  the  precious  blood  of  Christ,"  1  Peter 
i :  18,  19.  So  Elias  and  the  Apostle  Peter,  must 
dispute  this  point.  I  know  some  Quakers  will  side 
with  Elias,  at  all  events,  for  I  heard  that  one  said, 
"  he  believed  Elias  Hicks  was  aj  greater  man  than 
Jesus  Christ !"  Now  if  this  should  be  the  case,  I 
doubt  whether  Elias  will  dispute  the  matter  at  alF;  he 
will  only  have  to  say  to  Peter,  "  Get  thee  behind 
me,  Satan."  But  Elias  has  not  shown  so  great  a 
contempt  of  the  Bible  as  some  Deists  have,  for  1  have 
heard  of  several  that  burnt  their  Bibles,  and  of  one 
that  roasted  his  Bible  before  a  slow  fire  ;  but  I  ex- 
pect that  Elias  reads  his  Bible  sometimes,  and  has 
arrived  at  so  high  an  opinion  of  himself  and  of  the 
Spirit  that  governs  him,  that  he  is  not  afraid  the 
Bible  will  injure  him,  or  the  people  that  receive  hit 
doctrine ;  therefore  he  makes  his  Bible  his  text-book 
sometimes,  which  is  shewing  it  greater  respect  than 
lo  roast  it  before  his  fire.  But  he  has  been  heard  to 
say,  "  that  the  Bible  does  no  good."  However,  he 
labors  hard,  and  has  but  few  silent  meetings,  to  eX' 
plain  away  the  Bible,  or,  as  I  have  heard  him  caU  it, 
the  ^' writings  of  men  J  ^ 

I  believe  the  Quakers  have  been  grossb*  deceived 
by  Elias  Hicks.  He  has  a  peculiar  gift  in  allego] 
rizing;  and  as  the  Quakers  labor  w  understand  all 
Scripture  revelation  to  have  a  spiritual  sense,  and 
study   to  explain  the  spiriti^il  sense,  insomuch  that 


276 


277 


ihey  have  often  irealed  the  literal  sense  with  neglect, 
and    soinetimes  with    contempt,    therefore    outward 
ordinances  have  been  rejected  by  them,  and  esteemed 
as  erroneous,   so  that  they  verily  think  those  who 
believe  in  outward  ordinances  to  be  deceived.     They 
account  them  but  shadows  ;  and  express  a  sincere 
concern  lest  any  should  be  deceived  with  shadows. 
One  asked  me,  after  hearing  Elias  Hicks,  how  I 
liked  him  ;  and  if  I  did  not  think  people  were  in 
danger  of  being  deceived  with  shadows  ?     I  replied, 
that  it  was  possible  that  some  might  be.     But  gen- 
erally people  know  better  ihan  to  eat  their  knives  and 
forks,  instead  of  using  them   to  eat  their  food.     And 
in  buying  a  load  of  wood,    they  would   not  buy  the 
shadow  of  the  load.     Neither  would  a  carpenter  line 
and  hew  the  shadow  of  a  tree  for  a  slick  of  limber- 
You  cry  out  against    shadows,  said  T,  and  I  read  in 
the  Bible  of  one   who    said    unto  the  Almighty,   "  I 
have  sat  under  thy  shadow  with  great  delight'*     By 
a  shadow   we  learn    two  essential  things.     First,  a 
substance.     Second,  light  shining  on  thnt  substance, 
that  occasions  the  shadow.     True  religion   is  a  sub- 
stance ;  the  light  of  the  spirit  shining  on  that  sub- 
stance,  makes   the   ordinance  or  shadow.     Now  if 
your  religion   had  any   substance  in  it,  you   would 
have   ordinances  too.     But  where  there    is  no  sub- 
stance, hght  cannot  make  a  shadow.  * 

These  obsuryations  displeased  him.  But  at  other 
times  I  have  s^ken  favorably  of  the  Quakers  ;  I 
have  said  without  fimery,  I  believed  many  of  them 
were  sincere  and  good  i^en,  and  that  they  had  been 


instrumental  of  doing  good.  This  has  pleased 
them.  They  love  to  hear  themselves  praised,  as 
well  as  other  people.  But  I  would  not  flatter  them 
to  their  injury.  I  find  if  I  agree  with  them  in  senti- 
ments, they  like  me  very  well.  But  if  I  differ  from 
them,  (which  I  would  not  do,  if  I  thought  their 
sentiments  correct,)  they  judge  me  their  enemy  ; 
and  I  am  every  thing  that  is  bad.  To  call  their 
sentiments  erroneous  is  a  sin  against  Elias  Hicks 
not  to  be  forgiven  by  him  or  his  party  in  this  world, 
nor  the  world  to  come.  But  if  I  speak  against  the 
sentiments  of  the  Calvinists  and  call  them  erroneous, 
that  is  no  sin  :  and  good  reason  for  il,  for  the  Pres- 
byterians and  Baptists  have  such  real  religion  that 
they  would  not  anathematize  a  man  merely  because 
he  differs  from  them  in  opinion;  and  I  am  sure! 
should  not  differ  from  them  in  doctrines,  if  I  did  not 
think  that  those  doctrines  about  which  we  differ  were 
erroneous  ;  so  neither  would  they  differ  from  me, 
unless  they  thought  my  sentiments  were  erroneous. 
Bwt  I  never  knew  one  to  call  me  a  liar  because  I 
said  his  opinion  was  erroneous. 

Those  sentiments  or  customs  which  we  think  most 
essential  in  forming  our  good  character,  and  which 
yield  us  the  greatest  degree  ^f  happiness,  we  em- 
brace with  the  most  cordial  affection.  And  that  which 
we  think  to  be  our  greatest  happiness,  and  most  con- 
sistent with  truth,  we  support  and  defend.  Yes,  we 
are  all  alive  to  the  sentiments  and  customs  we  most 
love.  The  statesman  talks  of  politics.  The  war- 
rior of  battles.     The  lawyer  of  suits  and  courts,  and 


^i 


278 

Jaw  terms,  and  technicals  and  fees.     The  doctor  of 
medicine  and  diseases.     The  mechanic  of  his  art. 
The  farmer  of  agriculture.     The  minister  of  religion. 
And  the  coquette  and  prude,  the  coxcomb  and  dandy, 
are  all  attention  about  their  dress  and  affected  looks. 
Some  J}aint  to  look  handsomer,  and  some  to  deceive  ; 
some  are  religious  for  the  Lord's  sake,  and  some  for 
their  own  sake. — Some  to  repair  a  lost  reputation, 
and  some  to  save  their  souls.     Some  to  get  money  ; 
and  some  to  serve  God.     And  our  dandies  and  co- 
quettes sometimes   become  religious.     The    one  to 
seek  a  mistress,   and  the  other  a  gallant.     Religion 
has  been  abused  in  all  ages,  and  in  all  countries,  by 
some  of  all  denominations  ;  and  probably   by  none 
more  shamefully  than  by  the  Methodists  and  Quak- 
ers ;  because  they  profess  so  much  perfection,  and 
experience   of  spiritual   knowledge  ;  and   I  believe 
many  of  them  do  possess  much  spiritual  knowledge. 
But  how  many  have  we  in  the  present  day  who  put 
on  a  saintish  appearance  and  roll  up  the  eye  with  sol- 
emn groan,  as  though  they  were  greatly  affected  with 
a  concern  for  the  glory  of  God  and  the  good  of  men.  i||||, 
How  solemn  they  appear,  how  plain  they  dress,  and 
yet  how  they  will  lie  or  equivocate  to  get  a  good  bar- 
gain. 

But  one  thing  that  I  desired  to  accomplish  by  wri- 
ting my  address  to  the  Quakers,  I  have  realized  to 
my  satisfaction,  and  that  was,  a  clear  statement  of 
their  principles.  Their  principles  were  expressed  so 
ambiguously,  that  there  were  many  disputes  or  doubts 


279 

of  their  real  meaning.  I  wished  to  provoke  some 
answer  to  my  writings  that  would  settle  those  dis- 
pu^  and  doubts,  and  produce  from  them  an  avowal 
of  their  real  sentiments.  This  I  think  is  effected. 
Whoever  therefore,  shall  read  mv  address  to  the 
Quakers,  and  then  read  Thomas  Willis'  reply  to  it  ; 
and  then  Mr.  Scott's  answer  to  Mr.  Willis,  will  be 
fully  acquainted  with  the  doctrines  of  the  Quakers. 
T  wish  the  sentiments  of  all  denominations  distinctly 
expressed,  that  they  might  be  easily  known.  I  con- 
fess that  the  practice  of  the  Methodists  in  spreading 
their  discipline,  and  plainly  avowing  their  doctrines, 
gave  me  a  prediliction  for  them  when  I  first  heard 
them ;  I  then  said,  surely  these  men  cannot  be  de- 
ceivers. There  is  no  mark  of  deception  in  them. 
But  when  people  hide  their  opinions  from  public 
view,  either  by  secreting  their  discipline,  or  express- 
ing themselves  ainbiguousl}/,  look  out  for  deceivers. 
Let  them  be  of  what  denomination  they  will,  they 
are  deceivers.  They  may  profess  great  love  and  be 
very  soft  and  pliable,  and  intimate  that  they  have  no 
creed  but  the  bible,  they  would  hardly  contradict  the 
devil  himself,  they  are  so  charitable.  But  mind  ye, 
they  are  sly  butchers  of  the  truth. 

In  these  limes  no  doctrine  is  more  hated  than 
Christian  perfection,  and  none  is  enforced  more  em- 
phatically in  the  Bible  than,  "  Be  ye  perfect,  even  as 
your  Father  which  is  in  heaven  is  perfect." 

But  many  had  rather  not  understand  this,  than  to 
understand  it.     And  many   that  do  understand  it, 


if 


A 


|l 


260 


\Yould  rallier  preach  it  lo  others,  than  live  holy  lives 
themselves.  But  what  is  lliat  lo  me,  I  must  imder- 
sland  it  and  live  according  to  what  I  preaSf  lo 
others. 


CHAPTER  Xni. 


-•"S 


We  had  a  most  glorious  work  on  New  Rochelle 
circuit,  and  my  soul  enjoyed  a  sweet  peace  with 
God,  and  fellowship  with  my  brethren.  I  never 
found  the  Lord  a  barren  wilderness,  nor  his  fruit  un- 
pleasant to  my  taste.  It  is  true  I  have  often  thought 
I  had  but  little  grace,  and  that  of  the  common  kind  : 
and  frequently  I  have  said  in  my  heart,  surely  I  am 
the  least  ot.  all  God's  creatures.  But  these  kind  of 
feelings,  I  did  not  talk  about  much,  and  I  pitied  those 
that  did.  Some  accounted  those  exercises  a  darkness 
of  the  mind,  others  doubted  whether  they  ever  had 
religion,  and  it  amounted  to  nothing  less  than  an  in- 
direct complaining  of  the  bread  of  life.  J  remembered 
when  on  Dutchess  circuit,  I  called  to  see  old  father 
Bdrt  in  Canaan.  He  was  truly  a  good  old  saint, 
and  a  member  of  the  Church  of  England.  When  I 
entered  his  house,  I  saw  he  looked  pale  and  dejected. 
I  asked  him  what  was  the  matter,  "  what  ails  you, 
sir?"  **  O,"  said  he,  "  I  have  got  one  of  my  poor 
turns  ;  I  am  in  the  dark.  Was  you  ever  in  the  dark  ?" 
said  he.  I  said,  "I  don't  kno\v  what  you  call  being 
in  the  dark.  How  do  you  feel  when  you  are  in  the 
dark  ?"     "  Feel  !"  said  he,  "  I  feel  less  than  the  least 


282 

of  all  God's  creatures  !'*  **  Do  you  ?*'  said  I,  **  then 
I  have  been  in  lhe*dark  the  most  of  my  days,  ^i  I 
don't  call  that  being  in  the  dark,  I  call  it  the  ligm  of 
God  shining  in  the  clearest  manner  upon  me,  for  I 
think  I  must  have  very  clear  light  to  see  a  little  ob- 
ject." "  You're  right,  you're  right,"  said  he,  rising 
up  with  a  countenance  cheerful  as  a  summer  morn- 
ing, and  clapping  his  hands,  **  you're  right,  I'll  never 
call  it  being  in  the  dark  again."  This  dear  man  lived  a 
few  years  after,  and  died  happy  in  the  Lord,  without 
a  cloud  to  darken  his  sky. 

Though  I  have  had  many  days  and  hours  in  which 
I  have  felt  myself  small  and  unworthy,  yet  I  never 
could  think  it  profitable  to  talk  about  it  much,  lest  I 
should  undervalue  the  ordinary  blessings  of  God's 
grace.  I  have  heard  some  complain  of  their  leanness 
and  dulness  of  mind,  and  it  reminded  me  of  some 
weak  women  that  I  have  known,  that  would  always 
complain  of  their  dirt,  and  rags,  and  poor  victuals. 
One  said,  "  her  victuals  was  so  poor,  that  it  was  not 
fit  to  eat,"  so  brother  Jayne  moved  back,  and  would 
not  eat.  She  observed  it,  and  kindly  asked  him  why 
he  did  not  ?  "I  believe  warn,"  said  he,  **  that  you 
are  a  woman  of  truth,  and  you  say  it  is  not  fit  to  eat, 
and  I  believe  vou."  She  had  the  mortification  to  re- 
call  her  words,  and  confess  her  folly.  But  I  have 
thought  if  it  be  folly  in  a  cook  to  spread  a  table  with 
choice  and  wholesome  food,  and  invite  a  friendly 
guest  to  partake  of  it,  and  then  introduce  it  to  them  as 
a  filthy  mess,  what  is  it  for  creatures  that  are  invited 
to   a  Gospel  feast,  where  the  provision  is  spiritual , 


m  283 

though  represented  by  the  figures  of  **  my  oxen  and 
fatlings  are  killed,"  and  of  "butler  and  honey,  and 
milk  and  wine,  well   refined,  and  pure  water  of  life,' 
and  the   invitation  is,    "  ho  !  every  one  that  thirsts, 
come  ye  to  the  waters,  eat  and  drink  abundantly,  O 
beloved."  What  is  it  for  creatures  to  say  the  provision 
is  not  fit  to  eat,  but  a  base  insult  ?     And   how  many 
refuse  to  partake  of  the  grace  of  God,  because  it  is 
common  grace  ?     They  don't  believe  tliat  the  ordina- 
ry measure  of  God's  grace  can  save  them,  and   this 
unbelief  will  damn  their  souls  if  they  continue  in  it. 
It  is  an  easy  matter  to  believe  that  a  great  measure  of 
grace  can  save  us  ;  but  the  small,  or  ordinary  meas- 
ures are  suflScient  also,  if  they  are  received  and  im- 
proved.    So  our   ordinary  meals  of  wholesome  food 
are  sufl&cient  to  sustain  life  if  we   eat  them  ;   but 
neither  those,  nor  extraordinary  feasts,  would  do  us 
any  good  if  we  did  not  eat. 

But  my  Calvinist  brethren  have  troubles  of  a  dif- 
ferent kind.  They  are  troubled  with  sin,  in  thought, 
word,  and  deed.  At  least  they  say  so ;  and  I  sup- 
pose some  of  them  are.  But  I  do  not  believe  it  is 
the  case  with  all ;  for  there  are  many  holy  men  of  the 
Presbyterian,  Congregational,  and  Baptist  churches. 
But  their  peculiar  articles  of  faith,  oblige  them  to  say 
they  commit  sin,  in  order  to  practice  what  they  pro- 
fess. Their  principle  is  therefore  erroneous,  while 
they  are  ^ood  men  ;  and  though  1  hate  the  principle 
that  deludes  them,  I  do  not  hate  them,  but  I  wish, 
sincerely  wish,  to  bring  them  to  see  the  truth  in  those 
matters.     We  had  some  that  held  those  sentiments 


284  <% 

« 

on  iliis  circuit ;  but  their  preachers  were  not  willing 
to  preach  out  their  doctrines  plainly  ;  I  mean  those 
doctrines  that  constituted  them   Calvinists.      They 
held  to  some  of  the  true  doctrines  of  the  gospel,  and 
preached  them  ;  only  they  corrupted  their  preaching, 
by  now  and  then  infusing  ihe  poison  of  Calvinism. 
But   lately  they  seemed  to  take  a   new  method  of 
preaching.     I  was  informed  that  in  an  association  in 
Connecticut  near  by,  a  celebrated  D.  D.  advised  the 
clergy  to  preach  as  near  like  the  Methodists  as  they 
could  ;  and  not  preach  Calvinistic  doctrines  in  their 
own  town,  but  to  change  with  a  minister  of  another 
town,   for  the  purpose  of  preaching  doctrines  ;  and 
ihen  the  people  of  their  own  town  would  not  be  offen- 
ded with  the  minister,  on  account  of  his  doctrines. 
This  was  spoken  of  by  some  of  the  delegates  that  at- 
tended the  association  as  a  great  stoop  and  conde- 
scension on  their  part,   towards  a  reconciliation   or 
union  with  the  Methodists, — now  then  for  union! 
Union  was  all  the  cry  in  places  where  there  was  a 
work  of  religion.     Now  they  believed  almost  all  the 
doclrines  that  the  Methodists  did  ;  only   perfection 
and  falling  from  grace  ;  these  they  could  not  believe  ; 
and  these  they  said  we  ought  to  give  up,  and  then  we 
should  meet  them  halfway.     For  they  had  given  up 
that  ugly  doctrine  of  unconditional  election  and  eter- 
nal decrees,  and  that  Christ  died  for  only  a  part.    And 
now  they  believed  in  free  grace,  and  that  man  was  a 
moral  agent,  and  election  was  conditional.     O  what 
a  fine  time  it  was  with  some  people  now — Presbyte- 
'  rians  are  all  coming  over  to  be  Methodists. — "  Well," 


285 

said   one  and  another,  "Brother,  don't  preach  doc- 
trines  here  now ;  I  am  afraid  it  will  hurt  the  work  of 
religion.     Our  Calvinist   minister  don't  preach  doc- 
trines any  more,  but   he  preaches  just  like  a  Metho- 
dist.    O,  I  wish  you  could   hear  him— why  he  said 
in  plain  words,  that  Christ  died  for  ail,  and  that  man 
was  a  moral  agent,  and  he  proved  it  so  plain  from  the 
scripture  ;  and  I  have  heard  many  say  that  they  nev- 
er heard  it  so  clearly  proved  in  all  their  lives  before ; 
and  he  never  said  one  word   against  the  Methodists. 
Now,  brother,  I  think  it  would  be  well  not  to  preach 
doctrines.     I  said,  "  Brother,  why  may  I  not  preach 
doctrines  as  well  as  the  Calvinist  minister ;  I  believe 
Christ  died  for  all,  and   grace  is   free,  and  man   is  a 
moral  agent :  and  why  may  I  not  preach  it  too  ?" 
**  O  yes,  brother,"   said   he,  "  but  don't  accuse  the 
Calvinists  with  holding  to  unconditional  election  and 
eternal  decrees  ;  for  the  minister  in  this  place  don't 
believe  it ;  I  heard  him  almost  say  so  ;  I  heard  him 
say,  he  did  not  think  they   were  profitable  to  preach 
up,  and   he  would  not  preach   them  ;  yes,   I  heard 
him  say  this  with  my  own  ears." 

The  system  of  opposition  to  the  Methodists  seem- 
ed now  to  be  quite  new,  though  some  thought  oppo- 
sition was  done  away.  We  were  no  longer  called 
wolves  in  sheep's  clothing,  nor  deceivers ;.  but  we 
were  a  Christian  people,  and  had  done  some  good. 
We  were  not  allowed  to  be  a  learned  people  ;  but 
we  were  a  sincere  people  ;  and  our  want  of  learnin<t 
was  a  matter  of  grief,  and  not  of  disgrace.  It  was 
said  by  some,  that   if  our  ministers  were   men  of 


m 


j! 


286 


n  i  - 

k 

lii! 


learning,  so  as  to  read  the  Bible  in  the  Hebrew  and 
Greek,°we  should  soon  give  up  the  doctrines  of  per- 
fection and  falling  from  grace.     And  this  sentiaient 
coming  from  ministers  professing   the  knowledge  of 
Hebrew  and  Greek,  gave  me  queer  feelings.     The 
frequent  encomiums  I  heard  on  college  education,  led 
me  to  think,  if  I  have  not  that  school  education,  I  will 
not  despise  it ;  but  while  I  see  an  unwise  use  made 
of  learning,  I  think  the  opinion  of  an  ancient  philoso- 
pher,  worth  more  than  gold.     He  said,  "  Our  danger 
is  the  being  mistaken  in  things,  not  in  words  ;  and  ui 
the  confounding  good  and  eviir     There  is  a  world 
of  things  to  be  studied  and  learned,  and  therefore  we 
should°discharge  the  mind  of  things  unnecessary,  to 
make  way  for  greater  matters.     The  business  of  the 
school  is  "rather  to  play  than  study,   and  only  to  be 
done  when  we  can  do  nothing  else.     There  are  many 
people  who  frequent  them  only  to  hear,  not  to  learn  ; 
and  they  take  notes  too,  not  to  reform   their  man- 
ners, but  to    pick  up  words,  which  they  vent,  with 
as  little  benefit  to  others,  as  they  heard  them  them- 
selves.    It  costs  us  a  great  deal  of  time,  and  oth6r 
men's  ears  a  great  deal  of  trouble,  to  purchase  the 
character  of  a  learned  man  ;  wherefore  I  shall  even 
content  myself  with  the  coarse  title  of  an  honest  man  ; 
the  worst'of  it  is,  that  there  is  a  vain  and  idle  pleas- 
lire  in  it,  which  tempts  us  to  squander  away  many  a 
precious  hour   to  very  little  purpose  ;  we  spend  the 
time,  and  worry  ourselves  upon  subtleties,  which  may 
perchance  make   us  thought  to  be  learned,  but  not 
good.     Wisdom  delights  in  openness  and  simplicity, 


•4*: 


2^7 

in  the  forming  of  our  lives,  rather  than  in  niceties  of 

the  schools,  which,  at  best,  do  but  bring  us  pleasure 

without  profit.     And   in  short,  the  things  which  the 

ministers  impose  upon  us  with   so  much'  pride  and 

vanity,  are   little  more   than  the  same   lessons  over 

again,    which  they  learned   at    school.     But    some 

authors  have  their  names,  though  their  discourses  are 

mean  enough  :  they   dispute  and   wrangle,  but  they 

do  not  edify  any  farther   than  as  they  keep  us  from 

ill-doing,  or  stop  us  in  our  speed  to  wickedness.  Our 

forefathers  have  left  us  not  only  their  inventions,  but 

matter  also  for  farther  inquiry;  and   perhaps  ihey. 

might  have  found  out  more  things  that  are  necessary,' 

if  they  had   not  bent  their  thoughts  too  much  upon 

superfluities. 

Is  not  this  a  a  fine  time  to  be  fiddling  and  fooling 
about  words?  How  many  useful  and  necessary 
thing  arc  there,  that  we  have  first  to  learn?  And 
secondly,  to  imprint  in  our  minds?  For  it  is  not 
enough  to  remember  and  to  understand,  unless  we  do 
what  we  know.     For  as  the  poet  says, 

*♦  To  say  well  and  do  well,  both  end  with  a  letter. 
To  say  well  is  good,  but  to  do  well  is  better." 

I  remember  when  1  was  on  Dutchess  circuit,  that 
in  returning  from  a  quarterly  meeting  in  Amenia,  to 
Rhinebeck,  in  the  winter,  I  broke  down  my  cutter, 
near  a  tavern  where  a  number  of  sleighs  from  Sha-' 
ron  had  stopped  to  bait,  as  they  were  going  to  Rhine- 
beck.  I  asked  them  to  take  my  broken  cutter  on 
heir  load,  and  I  would  ride  my  horse.     They  seem- 


I 


h 


■1. 


m 


li 


'8 


i' ' 


288 

ed  obliging  enough  when  I  offered  ihem  full  pay  for 
Iheir  trouble.     They  did  not   know   me ;  but  they 
were  talkative  enough  among  themselves.— One  topic 
of  discourse  was,  "  whether  any  man  could  live  with- 
out sin  ?"     All  agreed  they  could  not.     An  old  man 
of  the  company  put  the  question,  *'  can  you  live  with- 
out  sin?"     "No."     "Canyow?     Aud  your     And 
so  on  till  he  got  all  their   opinions.     Then  he  turned 
to  me,  **  and  can  you,  sir  ?"     I  said,  "  it  is  according 
to  what   state   I  live  in;  now    I   live  in  New  York 
state,  and  you  live  in  Connecticut ;  the  laws  are  dif- 
ferent in  some  respects  here,  to  what  they  are  there, 
and  though  I  do  things  here  that  would  be  contrary 
to   your  law   in  that  state,  yet  it  is   no  sin,  because 
there  is  no  law  here  against  it,  and  where  there  is  no 
law   there  is  no   transgression."     He  said,  (a  little 
pettishly),  "I  don't  mean  so,  I  mean  the  law  of  God.' 
"But,  sir,  God  has  a  great  many  laws,  which  of  them 
do  you  mean?  for  if  I  lived  under  some  of  them  I 
should  transgress.     But  to  live  under  others,  I  need 
not."     "  Why,"   said  he,    "  God  has   but  one  law.' 
**  O  yes,  sir,  I  read  of  the  ceremonial    law,  and  the 
law  of  works  ;  and  the  Apostle  says,  *  boasting  is  ex- 
eluded.'  "     "  By  what  law  ?"  he  asks.     "  By  th.e  law 
of  works?"     Then  he  answers,  "  Nay,   but  by   the 
law  of  faith."     "Now,  sir,  if  we  live  by  faith,  we  live 
without  sin."     "  Aye,"   said  he.  pettishly,  "  I  know 
the  plaguy  Methodists  hold  to  perfection,  but  f  wish 
they  were  all  out  of  the    world  !"     I  said,    "  that 
would  not  alter  the  truth  of  this  subject,  nor  hinder 


289 

you  from  committing- sin  ;  so,  sir,  you  need  not  fret 
about  that." 

In  1808,  April  6lh,  our  conference  was  in  Amenia. 
I  was  appointed  to  New  Rochelle  circuit  again,  and 
had  brother  Zalman  Lyon  and  brother  Canfield, 
tor  my  colleagues.     I  moved  from  Greensburg  to 
New  Rochelle,  and  prepared  to  attend  the  general 
conference,  in  Baltimore,  May  6ih,   1808.     I  had 
never  attended  a  general  conference  before.     I  went 
m  company  with  brother  John   Wilson,   the  book- 
agent,  and  ten  more   of  my  brethren  of  the  clergy. 
We  had  a  pleasant  journey  by  land  and  water  stage. 
Our  conference  commenced   with  prayer.     My  soul 
was  blessed-insomuch  that  I  realized  the  presence 
ot  God  among  us,  and  that  was  the  best  of  all      But 
we  had  great  matters  and  little  matters  to  deliberate 
upon.     We  wanted  to  alter  our  discipline  fo'r  the  bet- 
ter :  some  wanted  the  general  conference  to  be  made  a 
delegated   one  :  some  wanted  the  Episcopacy  made 
stronger  by  adding  one  or  two  more  Bishops  to  the 
number  we  already  had :  and  some  wanted  the  bishop's 
admmistration  assisted  by  something  like  a  counsel  of 
appointment,  that  they  might  aid  him  in  stationing  the 
preachers,  and  appointing  presiding  elders  ;  but  some 
were  opposed  to  each  and  all  these  measures.     Final- 
ly,  a  rule  was  proposed  for  making  the  general  con- 
ference a  delegated  one.     Some  called  this  rule  a 
constitution,  and  undoubtedly  it  was  constituting  a 
general  conference  a  delegated  one  ;  but  some  thought 
It  was  a  constitution  of  the  Methodist  Church.  How- 

13 


p 


ever,  I  never  thought  so,  though  I  thought  it  was  a 
constitution  together  in  one,  sure  enough.   But  where 
there  were  one  hundred  and  thirty  preachers  in  the  con- 
ference,  it  could  not  be  expected  that  we  could  all  think 
alike.  This  supposed  constitution,  however,  did  not  give 
the  Bishop  any  more  power  than  he  had  before,  in  ap- 
pointing presiding  elders,  and  stationing  the  preachers ; 
neither  did  it  prevent  a  general  conference  from  modi- 
fying the  powers  of  a  Bishop,  in  those  matters  which 
do  not  go  to  do  away  Episcopacy,  or  general  super- 
inlendency  ;  neither  did  it  authorize  the  general  con- 
ference to  make  Episcopacy  a  despotism. 

We  entertained  different  views,  as  to  what  would 
be  the  best  method  of  supporting,  strengthening,  and 
perpetuating  itinerancy.  These  were  the  three  things 
we  all  drove  at,  and  to  promote  which,  all  were  zeal- 
0U8  to  do  something.     Whether  we  were  zealous 
enough,  or  too  zealous  on  this  subject,  I  cannot  say  ; 
at  any  rate  we  were  very  zealous.— I  have  thought  if 
all  the  good  that  is  done,  is  done  through  an  itinerant 
ministry,  our  local  ministry  will  be  tweless.     This 
was  not  the  prevailing  opinion,  and  I  don't  know  that 
it  was  the  real  opinion  of  any;  but  Episcopacy  was 
thought  by  some  to  be  the  only  thing  to  give  energy 
to  itinerancy,  provided   we  could  but  give  it  power 
enough ;  and  I  thought  so  too,  if  we  could  make  it 
almighty  ;  but  that    was  impossible.       Episcopacy 
Tvas  variously  defined  ;  some  said  it  was  an  office  in 
the  church  that  implied  a  power  to  preside  over  other 
offices.    All  this  was  very  well,  we  needed  a  presi- 
dent in  our  conferences.     But  farther,  it  implies  an 


291    . 

office  to  set  apart  and  ordain  men  for  other  offices, 
that  might  be  elected  by  the  conference  ;  this   also 
is  very  well ;  it  is  a  prudential  means  of  preventing 
elders  (who  also  possess  power  of  ordination)  from 
exercising  it   hastily,  and  laying  hands  too  suddenly 
on  men,  for  whom  they  may  have  a  partiality.— But 
what  has  this  to  do  with  appointing  presiding  elders, 
and  stationing  the  preachers,  from  year  to  year,  with- 
out  counsel  and  without  the  consent  of  the  preacher 
or  even  without  his  knowledge  of  the  station  he  is  to 
fill,  until  his  fate  is  declared,  at  ihe  close  of  the  con- 
ference,~why  nothing  at  all !     However,  a  majority 
must  rule,  and  a  majority  thought  best  to  give  our 
good  Bishop  this  power,  and  therefore  the  minority 
must  submit.     But  when  they  argue  that  this  power 
belongs  to  the  Bishop  by  Divine  right,  in  consequence 
of  his  Episcopal  office,  I  wish  them  to  know  that  the 
Apostles  of  our  Lord  did  not  possess  such  a  power 
by  virtue  of  their  office,  nor  did  any  of  the   early 
fathers.     I  think  this  power  is  too  great  for  any  one 
man  to  possess,  because  he  cannot  safely  use  it.  The 
Apostle  Paul   to  the  Corinthians,   says,  chapter  xvi. 
12,  "  As  touching  our  brother  Apostles,  I  greatly 
DESIRED  him  to  come  unto  you   with  the  brethren  ; 
but  his  will  was  not  at  all  to  come  at  this  time  ;  but 
he  will  come  when   he  shall  have  convenient  time." 
So  it  seems  the  Apostles  sometimes  studied  the  con- 
veniences of  their  brethren  in  the  ministry,  and  did 
not  exercise  the  power  of  appointment  without  the 
consent  of  those  whom  they  appointed.     They  rath- 
er  persuaded  and  counselled,  and  did  not  exercise  an 


.202 

arbitrary  power.     But  a  majority  rules  with  us,  and 
;[„ce  th^e  Ljority  gives  such  unlimited  power  to  our 
good  Bishops,  to  station  the  preacher,  they  must  do 
ft  •  however  disagreeable  it  is  for  them-ihey  must  do 
it,'    I  have  often  felt  sorry  for  them  when  they  were 
about  to  read  the  list  of  appointments :  how  they 
^usthave  felt,  when  they  knew  ''^fo^  '*;«y '"i'* 
off,  that  some  would  be  grieved.    But  I  be l.eve  they 
strive  to  please   all,  and  suit  them  as  well  as  they 
can.  And  as  they  appoint  presiding  e^ers  and  these 
are  the  Bishop's  confidential  men,   and  he  obtams 
knowledge  from  them  in  a  private  way  ;  therefore 
some  that  think  their  appointments  oppressive,  have 
a  little  difficulty  to  suppress  any  jealousy  that  arises, 
either  against  the  presiding  elder,  or  the  Bishop,  or 
both  ;  but  they  are  all  such  good  men,  that  we  have 
Bot  along  hitherto  with  this  system  pretty  well,  and 
Lny  hfve  expressed  their  astonishment  to  me  how 
-  such  a  body  of  preachers,  could  submit  to  it!     I 
have  always  replied,  because  we  have  the  glory  of 
God  and  his  cause  at  heart,  and  seek  not  for  ease  and 
worldly  honor.     And  as  long  as  we  have  men  o  these 
qualifications  we  shall  prosper.    The  Lord   w.U  own 
Is  ;  such  men,  are  men  of  God  ;  but  I  ^ar  we  shall 
tempt  the  Lord  our  God,  for  though  the  Lord  ap- 
proves the  motive  that  actuates  us,  yet  our  measures 
may  not  be  wise,  and  by  persisting  in  »«<=»;  ""^asures. 
oppression  may  become  legalized.     And  when  this 
shall  be  the  case,  then  sin  layeth  at  our  door.     In- 
dividuals may  sin.  and  the  body  not  be  answerable 
for  it ;  but  when  the  body  or  majority  support  one 


293 

or  two  men,  in  acts  of  oppression,  the  Bishops  will 
not  only  be  answerable  for  it,  but  the  body  loo.     Our 
Bishop,  therefore,  takes  upon  himself  a  responsibility 
that  God  does  not  require  of  him  ;  and  that  Church 
that  forces  it  upon  him,  tempts  the  Lord.     God  will 
not  bless  any  thing  and  every  thing.     But  while  pure 
motives  govern  our  actions,  our  ignorance  of  the  best 
manner  of  doing  things  may  be   winked  at.     These 
are  some  of  the  reasons   why  I  could  not  vote  with 
the  majority,  to  give  our  good  Bishops  the  absolute 
power  of  appointment.     Other  matters  relating  to 
Episcopacy  I  am  perfectly  agreed  in  ;  but  this  I  think 
is  no  part  of  the  office  ;  that  is,  we  have  no  authority 
for  it  in  the  Bible.     It  must  either  be  usurped,  or  be 
imposed  upon  him  by  the  Church,  over  which  he  pre- 
sides.    He  is  not  entitled  to  it  by  virtue  of  his  ordi- 
nation, according  to  my  views  of  scriptural  order. 

Our  General  Conference  waded  through  much 
business  in  a  three  weeks'  session,  in  much  good 
humor  ;  and  the  best  of  all  was,  God  was  with  us. 

I  came  home  before  the  conference  arose,  to  super- 
intend a  camp  meeting  at  Tuckahoe,  and  the  preach- 
ers returned  so  as  to  join    us  in    the  camp  meeting, 
after  the  first  day.     This  meeting  was  attended  with 
the  blessing  of  God.     Many  were  converted,  and  the 
children  of  God  were  much  quickened.     O  how  hap- 
py my  soul  has  been   in   this  work.     Hundreds  fell 
under  the  power  of  God.     The  Lord  made  bare  his 
arm.  The  meeting  was  large  ;  it  was  supposed  from 
twelve  to  fifteen  thousand  were  present.   But  this  was 
not  much  over  half  as  large  as   one  at  Croton,  that 


I 


294 


* 


was   supposed  lo  consist  of  twenty-four  thousand. 
Of  our  camp  meetings,  a  stranger  may  at  first  think 
unfavorable  ;  for  on  coming  upon  the  ground,  he  first 
meets  with   groups  of  people  around,  suttlers   and 
hucksters,  wagons  and  tents,  that  crowd  themselves 
into  the  roads  and  field,  as  near  the  camp  ground  as 
they  can.     These  may  be  called  the  tents  of  Cush, 
the  father  of  Nimrod,  whose  spirit  and  principles  they 
embrace.     The  people  that  frequent  those  places  are 
such  as  come  to  camp  meetfng  to  make  a  frolic  of  it. 
There  is  swearing,  gambling,  and  the  whole  vocabu- 
lary of  Bilingsgate  language  :  so  that  on  hearing  this, 
and  then   coming  into  the  meeting,  he   is  ready  to 
conclude  it  is  a  profanation  of  religious  worship.  But 
if  he  stays  with  us  in  camp,  he  will  soon  think  other- 
wise.    For  the  power  of  God  is  soon  realized  by  all 
who  have  minds  to  discern  between  good  and  evil. 
Many  are  so  wrought  upon,  that  they  are  deprived  of 
iheir  strength  and  fall  to  the  ground.     Various  opin- 
ions were  formed  respecting  this   work ;  some  said 
"  they  were   weak  minds  only   who  were  wrought 
upon  in  this  manner."     To  reason  with  some  men  of 
such  opinions,  seems  to  be  lost  labor  ;  for  they  con- 
sider themselves  possessed    of    strong  minds   and 
nerves.     I  left  a  camp  meeting  one  time,  and  called 
to  see  one  of  this  class  of  men,  and  he  began  to  ask 
me  about  the  meeting,  when  I  told  him,  "  that  a  num- 
ber fell   under    the   power   of   God."      He  asked, 
with  a  sarcastic   tone,  if  it  was  not  some  weak  wo- 
men that  fell  ?     I    said  **  yes,  and   weak   men   too." 
He  then   asked  with  apparent  seriousness,  **  why  it 


295 

was  that  those  who  fell  were  weak  women  >  W 
added  he,  "  ii  seems  there  are  more  women  profess 
religion  than  there  are  men  !  And  what  can  be  the 
reason  ?"  "  O,"  said  I,  «  weak  women  know  very 
well  that  they  could  not  stand  it  in  hell  !  they  are  too 
weak  to  stand  hell-fire  ;  but  you  strong  men  can 
stand  It  very  well  !"  He  blushed  at  this,  and  I 
thought  it  as  good  an  argument  as  any  for  such  men. 

But  it  was  generally  known  that  the  change 
wrought  in  those  weak  men  and  women,  so  called, 
made  them  very  religious.  And  as  they  were  known 
to  lead  pious  lives  afterwards,  it  was  then  thought  to 
be  a  good  means  to  reform  weak  minds.  Such  was 
the  opinion  of  those  who  felt  themselves  above  being 
religious  in  a  humble  manner. 

We  had  many  solemn  and  precious  times  on  New 
Rochelle  circuit.  It  appeared,  however,  to  me,  that 
Satan  was  let  loose  in  some  places  ;  or  rather  Satan 
had  let  loose  his  servants  to  sell  cakes,  and  beer,  and 
rum,  at  our  camp  and  quarterly  meetings.  At  a 
quarterly  meeting  at  White-Plains,  in  time  of  love- 
feast,  on  Sabbath  morning,  a  number  of  hucksters 
paraded  themselves  in  the  road,  to  sell  cakes,  beer, 
and  rum.  I^  got  the  names  of  six,  and  made  com- 
plaint  to  Esquire  Sniffen,  and  he  prosecuted  and 
fined  them.  This  made  them  angry  with  me.  One 
of  them  swore,  and  talked  big  words,  what  he  would 
do  to  me,  and  sent  me  word  that  he  would  lick^  me, 
as  he  expressed  it.  I  sent  word  back  by  the  messen- 
ger, "to  have  him  clean  his  tongue  before  he  under- 


Is.    JJ 


II 


2U0 

r  • 

took  to  lick  me,  for  I  did  not  want  to-be  defiled  with 
his  nasty  tongue."  I  had  to  ride  by  his  house  to  go 
to  my  appointment,  and  some  of  our  friends  advised 
me  not  to  go  that  way,  but  I  quoted  Nehemiah, 
"  Shall  such  a  man  as  I  flee  to  save  his  life  V  No. 
So  I  passed  his  house  as  usual,  but  met  with  no  dis- 
turbance ;  and  before  I  got  around  the  circuit,  he 
was  awakened  and  converted.  I  heard  that  he  want- 
ed to  see  me  to  make  his  confession  ;  he  said,  **  he 
wanted  to  see  me  more  than  any  man  living."  So 
when  we  met,  it  wasa  very  loving  time — no  violence 
offered.  Religion  makes  a  great  change  in  the  dis- 
position. Our  Gospel  is  a  peaceful  Gospel.  Ene- 
mies are  made  friends.  Many  besides  Saul  of  Tar- 
sus have  been  convicted  and  converted,  though  they 
breathed  threatening  and  slaughter  against  the  people 
of  God  before. 

At  a  quarterly  meeting  at  Bedford,  on  the  Sabbath, 
two  young  men  in  the  gallery  stood  with  their  hats 
on,  and  laughed  and  made  attempts  to  make  others 
laugh,  in  time  of  prayer.  I  saw  them,  and  they  saw 
I  was  looking  at  them.  But  one  of  them  continued 
10  squint  and  make  antic  motions  to  excite  a  laugh 
from  others.  T  looked  steadily  at  him,  but  he  was 
not  to  be  deterred  from  laughing  by  my  seeing  him. 
Many  others  saw  him  also.  So  when  the  presiding 
elder  had  done  prayer,  I  arose,  and  pointing  to  them, 
desired  the  two  young  men  that  stood  with  their  hats 
on;  to  walk  out  of  the  meeting-house.  They  looked 
at  me.     I  said,  **  I  mean  you  two  young  men  with 


I 


297 

•your  hats  on.  who  have  been  laughing  in  i.me  of 
prayer.  J  wish  you  to  walk  out  of  ihe  house.  If 
any  know  their  names,  I  wish  them  to  inform  me 
after  meeimg,  who  they  are ;  I  will  teach  those  young 
men  better  than  to  disturb  the  solemnities  of  the 
worship  of  God,  by  such  conduct."  After  meeting  I 
was  informed  who  they  were,  and  Bro.  Hall  begged 
me  not  to  prosecute  them  until  he  could  see  their 
parents.  One  was  the  son  of  a  respectable  Quaker, 
and  the  other  of  a  respectable  man  that  was  of  no 
profession,   but   a  good   neighbor  to    Bro.   Hall. 

And  as  I  was  to  preach  at  Bio.  H 's  that  Sab- 

bath  evening,  he  got  the  two  young  men  there,  and 
the  father  of  the  one  of  no  profession.     But  the 
young  Quaker's  father  lived  a  little  farther  off,  and 
was  not  present.     So  Bro.  Hall  acted  the  part  of  a 
father  for  him.     After  preaching,  I  retired  to  mv 
room.    They  brought  the  two  young  men   into  my 
room,  to  settle   the  difficulty.     The  father  of  the 
young  man  of  no  profession,  expressed  a  sorrow  that 
his  son  should  disturb  the  meeting  that  day,  as  he 
was  informed  by  Mr.  Hall  that  he  had  done,  and 
desired  to  settle  it  without  a  prosecution.    I  then 
spoke  to  the  young  man   and   asked  him,  "  if  he  did 
not  laugh  in  time  of  prayer  ?"    He  said,  "yes."     I 
asked,  "  if  he  did  not  think  it  was  improper  ?"    He 
said,  "yes,  and  he  was  sorry  for  it."     I  asked  him, 
"if  he  thought  he  should  do  so  again  ?"    He  saidj 
•;  he   hoped  not."    I  then  turned  to  his  father  and 
said,  "  I  am  satisfied  with  the  acknowledgments  of 

I3» 


J 


I 


I 


298 

your  son;  it  is  all  I  want  V  him;  I  hope  he  will 
never  misbehave  again."     This  seemed  to  be  quile 
affecting  to  many  who  had   crowded  into  the  room 
10  see  and  hear  how  the  difficulty  would  be  settled. 
Then  Bro.  Hall,  as  a  father  for  the  young  Quaker, 
came  forward,  and  desired  to  have  the  difficulty  settled 
with  him,  and  expressed  great  satisfaction  that  the 
difficulty  with  the  other  was  so  well  settled.     I  then 
turned  to  the  young  Quaker,  and  asked  him,  "  if  he 
did  not  laugh  in    the  time  of  prayer  ?"     He  said, 
"  yes,  and  others  laughed  too."     **  Did  you  under- 
stand me  to  mean  you,  when  I  desired  you  to  leave 
the  house  ?"     He  said,  "  yes."     **  And  did  you  not 
know  that  it  was  improper  to  laugh  in  lime  of  meet- 
ing as  you  did?"     "No,  it's  no  worse   for  n\e  to 
laugh  than  others."      "  But,"   said   I,    "  don't  you 
think  yoit  have  done  wrong  T     "  Why,  I  believe," 
said  he,  "  I  did  wrong  in  going  to  meeting  ;  it  would 
have  been  belter  for  me  to  have  been  at  work  to  get 
money  to  buy  grog  with  !"     1  turned  to  the  company 
and  said,   "  well,  I  have  reproved  negroes  and  In- 
dians and  even  dogs,   and   I  never  reproved  a  dog 
that  was  less  conscious  of  his  guilt,  than  this  young 
man."      Then  turning  to   the  young   man,  I  said, 
"  young  man,  I  will  bring  you  to  repentance  before  I 
have  done  with  you."     There  seemed  to  be  a  sud- 
den transition  in  the  company,  from  the  meltings  of 
joy  to  grief.     But  Bro.  Hall,  like  a  kind-hearted 
friend  for  his  neighbor,  went  with  me  next  morn- 
ing on  my  way,  as  far  as  Mr.  Green's,  a  Quaker 
elder,  desiring  -me  to  call  and  see  him  and  make  a 


295 

con^plaint  first  to  the  elder,  ihat  if  they  would  brinir 
Huuo  repentance,  it  was  all  I  wanted,  'so  we  caS 
vn  Mr.  Green,  and  related  all  that  had  passed.     He 
was  gneved  wiih  the  behaviour  of  the  young  Quaker 
and  acknowledged  I  was  perfectly  right,  in^Sn' 

on  a  repentance  in  him.    Mr.  G desired  to  know 

how  I  would  setile  it,  without  a  prosecution,  I  said, 
If  the  young  man  will  make  confession  of  his  wrong 
10  the  satisfaction  of  the  Quaker-meeting,  and  to 
liro.  Hall,  within  twenty-one  days  from  last  Sabbath 
and  send  me  word  in  that  time ;  and  also  will  promise 
to  at  end  my  meetings  at  Bro.  Hall's,  and  behave 

r.tan""M"T'''  '  ""'  -t  prosecute,  otherwise 
w  1^  h.       .'•  .^— ,^^P^^««-d   entire  satisfaction 

of  good  behaviour  that  he  should  not  wear  his  hat  ia 
tune  of  prayer,  because  it  was  contrary  to  the  custom 
of  Quakers  in  their  own  meetings  :  at  other  times  he 
might.     Mr.  G— ,  and  Bro.  H— ,  engaged  1 
the  work    and  brought  him  to  repentance.      So  I 
had  him  for  a  constant  hearer  for  six  months,  and  he 
behaved    well-ihus    ended    the   difficulty.      Thif 
shows  that  people  may  be  brought  to  repentance  by 
the  law,  when  the  Gospel  will  not  effect  them.     But 
law  repentance  don't  convert  the  soul,  though  it  keeps 
people  from  disturbing  the  worship  of  God  ;  therefore 
It  IS  better  than  no  repentance.     Many  a  poor  fellow 
has  gone  to  law  for  some  trifling  dispute  about  a  few 
Shillings,  and  has  been  brought  to  repentance  before 
the  lawyers  have  done   with  him.     Some  Quakers 
ihmk  I  hate  them,  but  they  are  grandly  mistaken. 


I 


:^o 


I'.: I  I 


They  judge  as  those  do,  who  say,    "  if  you  love  uic, 

love  my  dog."  . 

We   had   many  soul-refreshing   seasons    on  llus 

circuit;  my   colleagues  were  happy  in   the   work. 
We  had  about  three  hundred  converted  m  the  two 
years  I  travelled  here  ;  but  there  was  not  more  than 
half  that  number  to  be  reckoned  as  nett  increase,  be- 
cause  of  the   many  that  moved   away.      In  these 
times  it  seems  all  will  move  to  the  Ohio  ;  great  talk 
about  that  country.    I  fear  too  much.    I  often  related 
an  anecdote  of  a  farmer  in  England,  who  was  about 
to   sell  and  go  to  America.     He  rode  up   to  Lon- 
don  one  day  to  close  the  bargain  for  his  farm,  and 
seeing  a  sign  hanging  on  a  sign-post,  with  a  golden 
crow   painted  on   the  side  fronting  him,  he  slopped 
to  view  it,    and  read  these  words  wrote  under  it. 
«  A  foreign  country  is  like  a  golden  crow."     He  was 
highly  pleased  with  it,  and  concluded  it  was  a  high 
recommendation  of  America.     He  moved  on  to  sec 
the  other  side  of  the  sign,  and  found  it  all  painted 
black  ;  he  saw  wrote   under  ihe  black  paint :  **  But 
when  you  get   there,  it  is  as  black  as  it  is  herer— 
This   caused  a'demur  in  the   English  farmer.     If 
America  were  as  black  as  England,  he  might  as  well 
stay  where  he  was ;  so  he  turned   home  again,  and 
related  to  his  family  and  friends  the  story  of  his  ad- 
venture. But  this  anecdote,  I  fear,  never  hindered  one 
from  emigrating  to  the  western  countries.    We  must 
have  a  large  increase,  to  keep  our  numbers  good  in  this 
part  of  the  work,  while  the  western  conferences  have 
a  great  increase. 


CHAPTER  XIV. 


After  the  conference  in  May,  1809,  I  went  to 
Reading  circuit.  Now  again  1  was  in  New  England. 
Law  established  religion  is  an  abomination  in  my 
eyes  ;  well,  I  must  bear  it.  The  erroneous  doc- 
trines of  Calvinism  could  not  long  liave  such_a  per- 
nicious influence  to  delude  souls,  were  it  not  for  the 
partial  restraints  laid  upon  our  liberties  of  speech  by 
the  laws  of  New  England.  By  Calvinistic  doctrines, 
I  do  not  mean  that  all  the  doctrines  Calvinistic  min- 
isters preach  are  erroneous.  No  ;  they  preach  many 
precious  truths,  and  are  many  of  them  very  pious, 
holy  men.  But  the  doctrines  emphatically  called 
Calvinism,  are  those  included  in  the  five  points,  dif- 
ferring  from  Luther  and  Arminius.  Jn  other  doc- 
trines we  agree.  But  first,  unconditional  election,  in- 
cluding liie  idea,  God  decreed  whatsoever  comes  to 
pass.  Second,  nncondiiional  perseverance.  Third, 
partial  redemption,  or  that  Christ  did  not  die  for  all. 
Fourth,  irresistible  grace.  Fifth,  imperfection. 
These  are  the  doctrines  of  the  Calvinists  of  the  pre- 
sent day.  Whereas,  we  hold  and  leach  the  reverse 
of  this.  We  say,  first,  election  is  conditional,  and 
that  God  did  not  decree  whatsoever  comes  to  pass. 


Ik 


II 


302 


1*1 

li! 


Second,  a  Christiaii  can  fall  from  grace,  and  the  pro- 
mise of  his  salvation  is  on  the  condition  of  his  per- 
severance unto  the  end  of  his  probationary  state. 
Third,  Christ  did  die  for  all.  Fourth,  grace  is  often 
and  may  be  at  all  times  resisted.  Fifth,  it  is  our 
privilege  and  duty  to  be  made  perfect  in  love  in  this 
life.  But  these  doctrines  were  opposed  as  highly 
erroneous  by  the  Calvinists,  especially  in  New  Eng- 
land. 

Now  I  was  on  the  ground  again.  But  union  was 
the  song.  Ah  !  union !  thou  sweetest  daughter  of 
peace  :  how  beautiful  and  pleasant  art  thou  in  the 
land  of  steady  habits.  Thy  garments  look  beautiful, 
but  they  smell  not  of  the  perfumes  made  to  embalm. 
Thou  hast  a  golden  girdle,  but  Saul's  javelin  may  be 
concealed  under  thy  cloak. 

I  came  to  Reading,  and  heard  of  the  counsel  the 
good  doctor  of  divinity,  in  Yale  College,  had  given 
in  the  association  in  Connecticut — to  preach  as  near 
like  the  Methodists  as  they  could,  and  not  preach 
their  own  doctrines  in  their  own  towns  ;  but  to  change 
with  a  minister  of  another  town,  to  preach  doctrines. 
This  made  me  think  of  the  privateers  in  time  of  war ; 
when  they  see  a  strange  vessel  they  hoist  a  different 
flag  from  their  own,  cither  to  decoy  the  enemy  into 
their  hands,  or  to  defend  themselves  the  better.  But 
this  policy  will  not  do  for  Christian  warfare.  Those 
who  pass  counterfeit  money,  often  carry  good  money 
with  them  to  show,  while  their  design  is  to  pass  off 
their  counterfeit,  when  they  can  do  it  without  de- 
tection.    But  this  policy  will  not  do  for  Christians. 


303 


I  have  known  persons  when  they  had  counterfeit 
money  passed  upon  them,  and  they  knew  not  that  it 
was  counterfeit  at  the  time,  who  felt  themselves  rich, 
and  well  able  to  make  a  large  purchase ;  but 
when  they  came  into  market,  and  found  their  money 
would  not  pass,  they  felt  very  much  vexed,  either 
with  those  who  refused  their  money,  or  with-  those 
who  passed  it  upon  them.  So  it  is  with  those  who  are 
deceived  in  matters  of  religion. 

I  feel  sorry  for  those  who  make  such  pitiful   shifts 
to  get  along  with   their  mistaken  notions  about  reli- 
gion.    They  discover  their  own  weakness,    and  be- 
tray a   fear  openly  to  avow  their  doctrines.      The 
Saybrook  Platform,  which  contains  their  articles  of 
faith,  has  been  almost  hid  for  more   than  fifty  years. 
This   book  of    discipline,   was  printed   in  the   year 
1710  :  it  contains  the  effusions  of  good,  honest  Cal- 
vinists, mistaken  as  they  were,  yet  like  honest  men 
they  professed  what  they  believed.     But  this  book 
is  scarcely  known    among   the    people    now.    If  I 
quote  the  articles  contained  in   it,  as  the  doctrines 
believed  by  the  Congregalionalists  in  New-England, 
they  deny  it,  and  say  I  accuse  them  wrongfully. — 
Then  I  come  to  the  Westminster  Confession,  or  Cat- 
echism ;  that  also  they  deny.    Then  if  I  ask  them 
what  do  you  hold  to  ?   They  say  the  Bible  ;  so  do  I ; 
then  we  believe  alike,  that  Christ  died  for  all,  salva- 
tion is  free,  whosoever  will,  may  come.     But  they 
don't    like  this  neither.     They  cannot  believe  with 
me,  in  a  possibility  of  falling  from  grace  or  perfec: 
tion.     How  then  can  we  unite  ?      They  are  mani- 


11 
! 

,1 


|i 


304 

feslly  uneasy,  in  hearing  my  doctrine.  Bui  I  hope 
to  see  ihe  dav,  when  those  doctrines  will  be  under, 
stood,  and  have  their  due  influence  on  the  human 
mind. 

Brother  Isaac  Candy  was  my  colleague  the  three 
first  quarters  of  this  year.  We  had  a  good  revival 
of  religion  in  different  places.  In  Reading,  Gr een's- 
Farms,  Weston,  Bridgeport,  Stratford,  New-Town, 
Danhury,  Ridgefield,  Wilton,  Norwalk,  and  some 
other  places,  The  nett  increase  was  over  one  huri' 
dred  and  fifty,  but  I  presume  that  more  than  three 
hundred  experienced  religion.  Many  joined  other 
denominations.  So  that  it  was  a  time  of  ingather- 
ing of  souls. 

In  Danbury,  the  few  friends  we  had  there,  com- 
menced building  a  meeting-house  ;  they  had  suc- 
ceeded so  far,  as  to  raise  a  frame,  but  when  that  was 
done,  their  funds  were  all  expended.  There  stood 
the  frame  of  a  meeting-house.  Some  began  to  laugh 
and  say,  "the  Methodists  began  to  build,  and  are 
not  able  to  finish."  Dr.  Starr  informed  me  of  this 
affdir,  when  I  came  to  the  place,  and  desired  me  to 
beg  on  the  circuit,  for  help  to  finish  the  house.  I 
had  b3cn  around  the  circuit  once,  and  I  thought  it 
impossible  to  raise  money  enough  for  this  work  from 
the  members  on  this  circuit.  We  concluded  it  would 
take  at  least  two  hundred  dollars  in  cash,  besides 
what  was  subscribed  in  materials.  I  made  it  a  mat- 
ter of  prayer  to  God,  that  night,  and  got  an  answer 
llial  I  should  succeed  some  way  or  other.  So  the 
next  morning,  I  said  to  th§  Doctor,  I  will  engage 


305 

to  raise  you  two  hundred  dollars.    When  my  rest- 
^ays  come,    in  which  I  could  visit    my  family*  in 
^ew   Rochelle,  I  took  a  circuitous    route    through 
part  of  Croton  and  New  Rochelle  circuits,  and  beg- 
ged for  the  Danbury  meeting-house.     So  that  when 
I  came  to  see  the  Doctor  again,   I  was  able  to  pay 
him  more  than  eighty  dollars,  of  what  1  had  promised 
him.  Upon  this,  the  Doctor  began  to  proceed  to  finish 
the  house.    The  people  were  surprised,  supposing  he 
was  about  to  do  it  at  his  own  expense,  and  it  might 
injure  him.     He  was  not  then  a  member  of  society. 
But  he  informed  them    that    the    Methodists  loved 
one  another,  and  that  they  had  sent  him  money,  so 
that  if,  he  could  get    work    subscribed,    he    should 
have  money  enough,  with  prudent  measures,  to  finish 
It.     This  had  a  good  effect.     One  or  two  merchants 
gave  some  glass,    another   some   nails ;  mechanics 
turned  out  from  one  to  five  or  six  days  a-piece,  and 
when  I  came  around,  I  brought  eighty  dollars  more. 
In  all  this,  I  had  got  but  little  from  the  circuit.     Then 
I  began  to  solicit  donations  on  the  circuit,  and  sue- 
ceeded  in  making  up  about  two  hundred  and  thirty 
dollars  in  all.     The  house  was  enclosed  in  good  or- 
der, and  the  manner  of  our  doing  it,  had  a  good  effect 
on  the  minds  of  good  people  generally,  and  raised  the 
character  of  Methodism  in  that  place.     Much  credit 
is  due  to  Dr.  Starr  for  this  good  work. 

Our  societies  had  been  instructed  by  my  prede- 
cessors to  make  their  collections  for  the  support  of 
the  preachers  in  the  classes.  But  the  collections  fell 
short  of  a  supply,  and  of  course  I  was  deficient,  for 


m 


306 

I  still  kept  up  my  rule  of  paying  my  colleagues  and 
presiding  elder.     Some  of  our  friends  thought  if  we 
had  our  collections  in  public,  we  should  get  more. 
I  thought  otherwise,  and  would  not  alter  the  custom 
that  my  predecessors  had  labored  to  establish.     But 
they  prevailed  on  my  colleague  to  notify  a  collection 
in  public,  to  be  taken  up  when  I  came  around,   as- 
suring him  that  they  would   get  more.     So  after  I 
had  preached,  the  leader  informed  the  people,  that 
there  was  a  collection  to  be  taken  up  for  the  support 
of  the  Gospel.     I  supposed  the  members  would  make 
out  theirs  in  class,  as  usual.    So  when  he  counted  the 
money,  while  the  people  were  going  out,  I  perceived 
he  had  got  almost  half  as  much  as  the  class  used  to 
give.     I  thought,  surely  we  have  missed  it  in  not 
having  public  collections  before.     But  when  I  had 
met  the  class,  I  said,  "  now  brethren,  you  can  make 
out  your  collection,"  and  to  my  astonishment,  they 
had  all  contributed  in  the   public  collection.     Then 
I  called  upon  the  class   leader   to  count  the  money 
before  them.     They  were  abashed  when  they  saw 
there  was  not  quite  half  as   much  as  they  used  to 
make  out  in  their  class.     1  said,  **  brethren,  do  you 
think  to  cheat  the  Lord  ?     It  appears  that   you  have 
given  less,  presuming  that  the  congregation  would 
make  up  your  lack  !     You  said,  "  if  we  would  have 
public  collections  here,  we  should  get  more  money  ? 
Instead  of  that,  we  have  got  less  !     Here,  take  your 
money  I    I  will  not  carry  it  to  the  stewards  unless  it  is 
as  large  as  formerly  !"     I  thought  this  reproof  mild 
enough  and  severe  enough,    too.      Upon   their  ex- 


807 

aminalion  of  the  collection,  they  found  twenty  cents 
was  all  that  was  given,  besides  what  the  members 
gave. 

At  my  next   appointment  I  dismissed  the  congre 
gation,  and  they  were  going  out,    when  a   rich  old 
man  that  only  used  to  give   one   dollar   per  quarter, 
spoke,  and  said,  "  there  is  to  be  a  public  collection." 
I  said,  "  no,  we  will  have  the  collection  in  the  class." 
So  after  class,  I  said,  as  usual,  "  now,  brethren,  you 
can  make  out  your  collection,"  The  good  old  brother 
spoke  and   said,  *•  we  ought  to   have  had  the  col- 
lection in   public."      I   said    "have   you   brought 
your  dollar  ?"     He   said,    "  no,   I  have  only  half  a 
dollar."     "  Then  I   have  detected  you  this  time," 
said  I.      "But   did  you  think   to  cheat  the   Lord 
out   of   half  of    the   offering?"— O   how   I   felt.— 
"  Now,"  said  I,  "  I  am  convinced  that  the  people  in 
Connecticut  arc  a  stingy,   deceitful  people.      Your 
wisest  men   have  given   you  this   character  ;  they 
knew  that  you   would  never  support  public  institu- 
tions  unless  you   were  compelled  to  do  it.     There •' 
fore  they  have  made  laws  to  force  you  to  support  the 
Gospel,   and    to    build    meeting-houses,   and  school- 
houses  ;  but  you  are  so  stingy  that  you  would  not  do 
it  unless  by  compulsion.     How  can  you  answer  this 
to  God  ?     It  is  not  me  that   you   are    cheating,    but 
you  are  robbing  God  of  offerings   which  are  his  due. 
We  Methodist   preachers  come  lo   you  in  the  name 
of  the  Lord— we  have  not  stipulated  with  you  for  a 
certain   salary.     We  have   said  in  our  discipline, 
what  a  preacher  should  have,   and  it  is  well   known 


I-  J 


W 


r^if.' 


308 

that  that  sum  is   only  sufficient  to  supply  the  bare 
necessaries  of  life,   as   times  are.     We  are  not  sup- 
plied with  the  conveniences  of  life,   much   less  the 
superfluities.     Every  one  knows  that  our  allowance 
is  too  small,  and  we  do  not  even  raise  this  by  taxation 
or  coercive  measures,  because  we  trust  in  the  Lord. 
We  believe   that    God   has  called  us  to  this  work, 
and  he  will  see  us  paid  in  such  manner  as  shall   be 
best  for  us,  and  most  for  his  glory.     The  Gospel  or- 
dains a  support  for  its   ministers,  and  that   support 
must  arise  from  the  liberality  of  the  members,  not 
by  constraint,  but  of  a  liberal  mind.     You  have  heard 
of  some  that  had  their   last  and  only   cow  sold  at 
vendue,   to   raise   money  to  pay  the  'minister's  tax. 
You  say  this  is  hard  and  cruel ;  but  the  law  demands 
it.     And  what  of  all  this  ?     It  is  but  a  human   law. 
The  law  of  God  demands  that  you  should  be  liberal, 
and  while  he  is  prospering  you,  and  giving  you   the 
means  to  contribute,  if  you  do  not  do  it,   he  will 
damn  your  eternally,  and  that  will  be  worse  for  you 
than  to  have  your  cow  sold  to  pay  the  minister's  tax. 
God  will  not  be  trifled   with  in  this  manner.     It  is 
not  your  money  that  I  am  seeking,  but  it  is  you.   I 
want  you  saved  from  sin  and  stinginess.     You  must 
be  loving  and  kind  ,  and  if  you  don't  love  your  preach- 
ers who  are  laboring  night  and  day,    for  your  good, 
whom  will  you  love  ?     I  hope  1  may  never  have  oc- 
casion to  speak  so  severely  again.  It  hurts  me ;  but  I 
must  tell  you,  that  if  you  trifle  thus  with  God,  you  will 
surely  be  damned  !     I  hope  you  that  are   guilty  will 
reform,  and  1  pray  the  Lord  to  forgive  you  this  sin. 


*  309 

1  had  none  to  oppose  me  or  reply ;  for  as  it  was 
well  known  that  I  was  the  only  preacher  that  was 
deficient,  and  their  professed  design  in  having  a 
public  collection,  was  to  raise  more  money,  and 
those  best  able  to  contribute  were  keeping  back  a 
part  of  the  price,  therefore,  they  could  say  nothing  ; 
and  those  who  were  not  guilty,  did  not  want  to  say 
any  thing,  but  appeared  pleased  with  my  severe 
lecture.  I  hope  this  lecture  will  be  a  means  of 
saving  many  souls,  not  only  in  New  England,  but 
where  ever  a  stingy  spirit  rules.  A  man  that  is 
stingy  is  more  or  less  deceitful ;  and  like  Achan, 
coverts  what  belongs  to  God.     A  miserable  idolater  ! 

From  this  time  I  began  to  preach  more  especially 
against  stinginess.  I  must  think  the  Legislators  of 
New-England  judge  of  the  people  as  men,  and  as 
wise  men  generally  judge.  But  it  is  a  reflection 
upon  the  religious  character  of  this  people,  to  sup- 
pose that  with  their  great  profession  of  religion,  they 
would  not  support  the  Gospel,  but  by  the  compul- 
sive power  of  taxation.  The  exercise  of  liberal 
principles  are  superseded  where  coercive  measures 
are  used  to  support  the  ministry.  Toleration  is  not 
a  religious  principle,  but  a  usurpation  of  power  that 
is  blasphemous  in  its  nature.  If  the  Governor  and 
several  Doctors  of  Divinity,  were  to  present  a  bill  to 
the  Legislature,  entitled  an  act  to  grant  liberty  to  the 
Almighty  to  receive  the  worship  of  the  Methodists 
and  Quakers,  every  one  would  startle  and  call  it 
blasphemy  ;  but  toleration  implies  this.  Thus  our 
forefathers,  aiJBoston,  would  not  suffer  the  Almighty 


'k 


310 


811 


to  receive  tlie   worship  of  the  Quakers  in  Boston ; 
for  it  is  certain  the  Ahnighly  could  not  receive  their 
worship  in  Boston,  after  they  were  hanged.     Each 
individual  stands   accountable   to  God  for    hinnself. 
The  Legislature  cannot  answer  for  ine,  or  any  one 
else.     Therefore,  laws  respecting  religious  worship 
are  unrighteous,  any  further  than   they   secure   the 
liberties  of  religious  people,  in  what  they  view  to  be 
their  duty  to  God,  while  they  do  not  disturb  others 
in  their  religious  devotions.     If  a  man  will  not  wor- 
ship God,  or  pay  freely  to  the  support  of  religious 
worship,  he  must  answer  it  to  God  for  himself.     If 
a  man  choose  sin  and  death,  when  he  might  choose 
the  fear  of  the  Lord  and  life,    it   is  not  in  the  power 
of  a  Legislature,  or  even  of  ministers   that  could 
work  miracles,  to  prevent  him,  and  in  attempting  to 
do  it,  they  might  be  a  means  of  destroying   others. 
Therefore  my  best  plan  is,  to  keep  on  my  way  as  I 
have  been  instructed.     I  don't  preach   for  the  sake  of 
the  money  I  get,   yet  I  need  more  than  I  get.     But 
I  look  to  the   Lord    whom  I  serve.     I    believe   this 
Gospel  will  support  itself,  and  though  Lsuffer  a  little, 
if  the  principle   which  I  am  defending  can   obtain, 
true  religion  will  be  more  acceptable,  in  the  view  of 
thousands  who  now  see  religion  as  through    a   glass 
darkly.     In  order  to  discharge  my  duly  in  the  minis- 
try, I  must  preach  against  the  erroneous  principles  of 
this  government ;    and  the    stingy,   lazy,   covetous, 
deceitful  disposition  too  much  prevailing  in  the  Meth- 
odists' societies.     It  is   said  in    these  parts,  that 
many  of  those  who  join  the  Methodists,  do  so  only 


to  get  clear  of  paying  taxes,  and  I  fear  this  is  but  too 
true  :  yet  I  say,  if  the  Methodists  take  the  scum  of 
the  towns  in  New-Engiand,  to  make  a  church  of,  and 
they  become  liberal  and  pious,  and  truly  religious,  it 
will  be  an  high  recommendation  to  the  spirit  we  pro- 
fess,  and  the  principles  we  teach. 

At  the  conference  in  the  year  1810,  I  received  my 
station    on    Counlandt    circuit.      This   circuit   was 
made  out  of  a  division  of  Croton  and  New-Rochelle 
circuits.     The  work  of  the   Lord  had  been  so  great 
and  glorious  that   more   laborers  were   required,  so 
this  circuit  was  both  new  and  old.     Here  the  people 
had   got  an   idea  that   I  was  very  rich,   of  course 
many  thought  they  need  not  contribute  to  assist  me. 
It  seems  an  impostor  came  along  through  this  circuit 
among  the  Methodists,    and  wanted  to  get  enlertain- 
raenl  for  nothing,  so  he  informed  the  people,   that 
he  had  been  to  see  me  ;  and  that  his  father  had  been 
judge  of  the  court,  and  was  very  rich,  but  had  lately 
deceased,   and  left   in  his  will  a  legacy  to  me,  con* 
sisting  of  a   farm  and   eleven    hundred   dollars   in 
money,  because  I  was  the  means  of  his  conversion 
some  years  before  ;   and  now,  said  he,  **  I  have  been 
down  to  carry  brother  Hibbard   (as  he  called   me) 
the  deed  of  the  farm,  and  to  have  him  come  up  to 
Sharon  to  take  possession  of  it."     This  story  pleas- 
ed my  friends  very  much,  so  ihey  entertained  him 
in  the  best  manner  freely ;    but  I   never  knew  his 
fatljer  nor  him.     However,  he  knew  that  I  was  very 
much  beloved  wiiere  I  was  acquainted  ;  so  he  con- 
trived this  story  to  enable  him  to  travel  at  my  ex- 


312 


pense,  and  a  great  expense  it  was  to  me  in  the  end. 
Frequent  reports  that  I  was  dead,  were  circulated 
this  year.  It  was  reported  at  five  different  times, 
that  I  had  hung  myself.  Twice  I  made  inquiry 
with  regard  to  the  source  of  these  reports,  and  each 
lime  traced  it  to  a  Quaker  family,  who  said,  **  they 
had  heard  it  some  where,  but  could  not  tell  where." 
So  I  think  the  report  originated  with  them,  and  there 
I  let  it  end.  I  thought  if  the  Quakers  wish  to  take 
revenge  on  me  for  making  a  statement  of  their  errors, 
this  is  a  sly  way  to  do  it.  But  I  shall  live  to  dis- 
appoint them,  without  taking  any  farther  notice  of 
this  matter.  And  it  will  be  with  them  as  it  was  with 
a  fool  I  heard  of:  the  fool  got  angry  with  Providence, 
and  spit  up  towards  the  heavens,  and  the  spittle  fell  in 
his  own  face. 

As   I  was  riding   to  New  York  in  the  fall  of  this 
year,  and  crossing  the  bridge  at  Harlaem,  I   passed 

my  old  friend  B from  Rye  ;  I  checked  my  horse 

to  have  him  come  along  side  of  mc.  I  looked  around 
to  see  if  he  would  come  up,  and  I  saw  him  reining 
his  horse  out  one  side  of  the  road.  He  looked  pale. 
I  said,  ''  come,  let  us  ride  in  company,"  His  chin 
quivered,  and  his  voice  faltered.  He  spoke,  and 
said,  "  a-i-,  a-i-,  is  it  you  ?"  I  said,  **  yes,  it  is  I 
myself."  "  A^i-,  is  it  possible,"  said  he,  as  he  rode 
up  along  side  of  me,  "  is  it  possible,  that  it  is  you  ?" 
I  asked,  **  Why  all  this  amazement  ?"  "  Why," 
said  he,  "we  heard  that  you  was  dead,  and  that 
you  had  hung  yourself  d  it  came  so  correct,  that 
all  our  neighbors  believv^u  it."     "Why,"  said  he,  "we 


■pwi 


313 

had  a  great  time  of  mourning  there,  on  your  account, 
and  one  Baptist  neighbor  wept  when  he  heard  it, 
and  said,    "  if   this   is  true,   I  shall  believe  in  the 
possibility  of  falling  from  grace."    I  said,  "  well  I 
have  not  hung  myself;  and  you  may  tell  that  Bap- 
tist brother,  he  need  not  wait  for  that  event,  before 
he  believes  in  the  possibility  of  falling  from  grace." 
But  who  brought  the  news  ?"     He  said,  "  it  came 
from   the   Quaker-meeting  ;  some  of  the  neighbors 
had   been  there,    and  had  heard  it   mentioned    by 
some  one  at  the  meeting."    I  said  "  well,  the  Qua- 
kers  cannot  get  me  hung  yet  ;  I  suppose  it  to  be 
some  of  the  Jittle-souled  Quakers  that  raise   these 
reports." 

In  Pawlings-Town  we  preached  on  the  Sabbath  to 
a  large  congregation,   with  x  prospect  of  great  good 
through  my  inslrumenJdIity.     On   the  xMonday  be- 
fore   my   appointir^nt    there,  a  traveller,   (nobody 
knew  who)  ca.Ved  at  the  door  of  a  tavern  in  that  ' 
place,  and  ^.formed  the  family,  "  that  he  was  desired 
by  som^i)ody  about  twenty  miles  below,  to  call  there 
and  inform  them  that  the  Rev.  Billy  Hibbard  was 
d^ad,  that  he  died  near  Croton,  of  a  typhus  fever, 
very  suddenly,  and  as  his  appointment  was  to  preach 
there  the  next  Sabbath,  they  thought  it  would  be 
kindness  to  inform  them  of  it,  so  they  might  not  be 
disappointed."    This  news  was  thought  by  many  to 
be  true.    It  seems  I  had  died  a  natural  death  this 
time.    But  some  doubted  the  truth  of  it,   because  it 
had  been  reported  that  I  had  hung  myself  so  many 

14 


I 


314 


limes  before.     However,  I  came  lo  New-Fairfield, 
(bro.  Mead's,)  on  Thursday,   and  it  seems  lliey  had 
heard  the  news  of  my  death,  and  believed  it.     So 
when  I  came  to  the  gate,  a  little  boy  ran  into  the 
house,  and  soon  came  out  again,  so  that  he  met  me 
in  the  yard.     Just  then  .1  heard  the  shriek  of  a  wo- 
man ;  and  as  I  entered  the  door,  I  saw  sister  Mead 
had  fallen  into  a  chair,  and  appeared  to  be  in  a  fit. 
I  hurried  to  support  her.      Rebecca    stood  at  the 
wheel,    looked  pale,  and  affrighted.      I  asked  Re- 
becca what  was  the  matter  ?     None  spoke  a  word  f 
I  asked  again — but  no  answer.      The  little  boy  by 
this   time  c^me  in  with  my  saddle  ;   I  asked  him, 
**  what  is  the  matter  ?"     He  smiled  and  said,    "  I 
suppose  she  will  tel\  you,"  and  vyent  out.     I  could 
not  discover  by  her  looks,   or  pulse,   any  particular 
disease.    But  why  is  Rebecca  so  frightened  ?  thought 
I,  she  must  think  her  mother  is  d-nno.     I  asked  her 
again  "  what  is  the  matter  with  yourt»ioiher?"    She 
then  spoke,  and  said,  "  I  suppose  she  wVA  tell  you.*' 
This  surprised  me  more,  but  perceiving  she 'vas  not 
in  a  fit,  and  that  she  was  sighing  and  catching  her 
breath,  as  though  she  would  speak  if  she  could,  1 
shook  hex  a  little  and  raised  her  up,  and  spoke  ear- 
nestly, "  tell  me  what  is  the  matter  ?"     She  spoke 
as  well  as  she  could,  "  Why,  d-o-n't  you  k-n-o-w 
t-h-a-t  we  heard  vou  was  d-e-a-d  ?"     "  Well,"  said 
I,    "  I'm  not  dead,  and  if  I  was,  I  would  not  ap- 
pear to  frighten  or  liurt  you."     "  O,"  said  she,  "  I 
am  not  frightened,  but  when  the  boy  said  you  had 
come,  and  we  had  heard  so  correctly  that  you  were 


315 

dead  r  felt  shocked  that  any  person  should  lie  so 
much  about  you.  Last  night  we  heard  of  it  at  our 
prayer.mee,ing,  and  the  circumstance  of  a  traveller 
ca  ng  at  the  tavern  with  the  message,  and  to  pre! 
vent  a  d.sappo.ntment,  my  husband  notified  the  peo- 
pie  that  you  would  not  be  here,  and  now  ,o  have 
this  sudden  shock,  made  me  almost  faint." 

To  reei,fy  ,11  mistakes,   I  had  lo  ride  on  to  Paw- 
I..gs-rown  to  let  them  know  I  was  still  alive.     I 
pr  ached  on  th.s  text,  "  If  they  believe  not  Moses 
and  the   Prophets,  neither   will   they  be  persuaded 
thdUgh  one  arose  from  the  dead."  Persuaded, 

We  had  a  good  work  of  the  Lord  on  the  circuit 
Our  camp-meeting  at  Pawlings-Town  was  attended 
wuh  the  usual  blessing  of  God,  but  no  extraoSry 
increase  Many  moved  away,  so  that  we  about  kept 
our  number  good.  My  mind  enjoyed  peace,  though 
my  family  wass.ck  a  part  of  this  year.  This  gave  me 
some  uneasiness  ;  but  the  neighbors  were  kind  in 
New  Rochelle,  and  Dr.  Rogers  was  very  kind  to 
attend  them  m  my  absence,  and  even  while  I  was  at 
home.  But  through  the  mercy  of  the  Lord  we  lost 
none. 

At  the  conference  in  New-York,  I8ll,  I  received 
my  station  on  Rhinebeck  circuit.  Here  I  had  lived 
and  travelled  before.  Brother  Dunbar  was  my  col- 
league, brother  Candv,  supernumerary.  It  was  a 
heavy  tax  upon  me  to  provide  for  two  preachers 
bo  the  first  quarterly-meeting  the  presiding  elder 
and  stewards,  put  their  heads  together  to  make  me 
alter  my  method  of  paying  my  colleagues,  before  I 


I 

I 


i 


ij 


816 

took  any  thing  for  myself.     They  slated  their  opin- 
ion of  justice  in  this  mailer,  and  ihe  stewards  being 
put  up  to  it  by  the  presiding   elder  ;  one  said,    **  it 
was  his  duty  to  divide  the  money  to  each  according 
lo  their  claims,   and   he  would  do  so."     I  said,    "  I 
will  not  contend  about  it,  for  it  is  written,  *  an   elder 
should  not  strive:     But,"  said  I,  "  I  shall  not   lake 
any  of  your  money  until  the  preachers  are   all  paid 
off."     "Well,"  said  the  steward,   "  I  will  send  it  to 
your  wife."     "  Ah  !"  said  I,  "  she  will  not  take  it, 
for  we  are  agreed  in  this  thing."     **  Well,  then,"  said 
he,  **  I  will  send  it  lo  the  conference."     I  said,  **  that 
you  can  do,  but  I  shall  not  receive  it  from  the  con- 
ference.    I   make  no  claim   there,  though   I   have 
every  year  been  nearly  one  hundred  dollars  deficient, 
and  sometimes  more  than  a  hundred,  but  I  have  made 
no  claims  on   the  conference.     You  can  do  as  you 
please  this  quarter,  but  as  the  discipline  makes  it  my 
duty  to  appoint  stewards   and  change  them,  I  shall 
appoint    new   ones   for    the   next   quarterly  meet- 
ing. I  must  have  stewards  that  will  mind  me."  Upon 
this,  they  gave  it  up,  though  the  senior  steward  said, 
"  he  would  be  glad  to  have  me  release  him  from  the 
task."     I  said,  "  I  have  nothing  against  you,  if  you 
will  mind  me ;  but  if  you  will  not,  I  must  appoint  one 
that  will.  I  am  the  only  person  that  stands  responsible 
for  the  disbursement  of  monies  that   come  into  the 
steward's  hands."     So   they  paid  off  the  preachers, 
though  they  had  said,   "  there  would  not  be  enough 
to  pay  my  colleagues,  and  that  I  should  get  nothing 
this  quarter,"  yet   they   were   mistaken,  for  I  got 


^B" 


317 

EIGHT  CENTS  !  !     I  was  happy  with  my  eight  cents  / 
Blessed  are  the  poor."     My  soul  was  happy  in  God. 
The  two  years  I  was  on  this  circuit  was  a  season 
of  great  mortality.     The  spotted  fever  raged  ;  bun- 
dreds   died   suddenly!     Physicians   seemed   not   to 
knovv  how  to  prevent  the  evil  at  first  ;   some  thought 
bleeding  was  the  best  remedy  ;    but  nearly  all  died 
who  were  bled   in  the  first  stage  of  the  disease.-- 
Others  thought  stimulating  remedies  were  best,  but 
this  would  not  cure  over  two  in   five.     I  perceived 
that  on  approach  of  this  complaint,  the  person   was 
seized  wiih  langour,  dejection  of  spirits,  amazing  de- 
pression.  and  loss  of  muscular  strength,   universal 
weariness  and  soreness,  pains  in  the  head,  back,  and 
extremities,  the  pulse  small  and  hard.     I  advised  to 
vomit  freely,  and  physic  with  julap  and  calomel,  and 
then  promote   perspiration   by  giving  a  solution   of 
tartarized  antimony,   wiih  leas  of    wild  hyssop  or 
hemlock  boughs.     This  method  I  found   succeeded 
in  more  than  one  hundred  cases-so  that  not  one  died. 
Some  supposed  my  patients   were  not  attacked  with 
the  spotted  fever,  because   they  recovered  so  soon. 
But  several  doctors  fell  in  with  this  mode  of  practice 
and  found  it  successful.     Some  physicians  would  not 
receive  instruction,  the  bleeding   system    was  their 
hobby.     Three  doctors  died  martyrs  to  their  system 
of  practice,  and  I  thought  some  lives  were  saved  by 
their  deaths,  for  others  forthwith  altered  their  mode 
of   practice.     The   pestilence  was   severe.     I   was 
called  frequently  to  preach  funeral  discourses.     In 
one  house  three  lay  dead,  and  four  sick  with  the  fever 


i 


■! 


P«" 


318 

two  of  whom  died  within  two  or  three  days  after. 
Though  death  raged  among  us,  it  seems  but  few  got 
religion.  However,  we  had  peace  on  the  circuit,  and 
some  increase  during  these  two  years. 

Our  General  Conference  was  held  in  New  York, 
May,  1812.  Here  again  we  had  to  wade  through 
much  business,  a  variety  of  opinions  were  agitated 
about  Episcopacy.  I  have  often  smiled  to  think  that 
some  of  us  view  Episcopacy  a  thing  so  great  and 
important,  that  we  hardly  know  how  important  it  is, 
when  we  even  made  it  ourselves.  If  we  give  it 
power  enough,  I  presume  it  will  be  so  important  that 
we  cannot  govern  it ;  and  if  it  can  govern  itself,  it 
will  be  a  great  mercy  to  the  Methodists. 

Our  Annual  Conference  commenced  in  Albany, 
June  4th,  1812.  My  kinsman  and  dear  brother  Ro- 
bert HiBBARD,  was  desired  to  go  to  Canada — he 
came  to  me  for  advice.  There  was  expectation  of 
a  war  between  America  and  Great  Britain.  He 
asked  me  "  if  I  thought  there  would  be  war  ?"  I 
said,  "  yes,  our  government  must  declare  war,  or  we 
shall  lose  our  independence."  "Well,  in  that  case 
would  you  advise  me  to  go  to  Canada?*'  I  asked  him, 
"whether  he  could,  in  conscience,  lake  the  oalh  that 
would  be  required  ?"  He  said  "  yes."  "  And  are 
you  sufficiently  assured  that  you  have  friends  there, 
that  would  support  you  ?"  He  said,  "  yes."  I  said, 
"  then  go,  and  be  true  to  the  government.  Your 
business  is  to  preach  the  Gospel,  and  save  souls  by 
the  means  God  hath  appointed.  If  we  are  enemies 
in  a  polilical|poinl  of  view,  remember  our  great  work 


319 

is  10  preach  the  Gospel.  I  shall  be  true  to  ilJis  gov- 
ernment,  and  you  must  be  true  to  that;  but  above  all 
let  us  be  faithful  to  serve  the  Lord."  Upon  this  we 
parted.  But  alas  !  before  the  year  was  out  he  was 
drowned  in  the  river  St.  Lawrence  I  It  seems,  in 
crossing,  his  horse  paweJ^  and  stove  a  hole  in  the 
boat,  so  that  it  filled  ;  the  horse  then  jumped  over- 
board, and  he  held  on  to  his  horse  ;  they  swam  toward 
the  shore,  but  he  was  soon  disengaged  from  the  horse, 
and  sunk  to  rise  no  more  !  This  was  the  end  of  a 
very  holy  man.  I  trust  he  is  numbered  with  the 
just  men  made  perfect. 


h- 


CHAPTER  XV. 

At  our  next  Conference,  held  in  Amenia,  1813,  I 
was  stationed  on  Pittsfield  circuit. 

Here  were  troubles.  A  number  of  members  in 
society  at  the  west  end  of  Pittsfield,  had  withdrawn 
and  held  separate  meeting ;  public  opinion  was  in 
their  favor.  And  nearly  all  that  expressed  an  opin- 
ion to  me,  expressed  a  fear  that  they  had  been  treated 
unjustly,  and  were  a  persecuted  people.  Their 
committee  waited  upon  me,  and  stated  the  desire  and 
request  of  the  whole  body  of  dissenters,  viz.,  that  I 
should  form  them  into  a  class  according  to  the  Disci- 
pline of  the  Methodist  Church.  I  agreed  to  it  if  they 
would  conform  to  the  said  Discipline,  and  receive  me 
as  their  minister ;  they  agreed  to  this.  JSo  I  took 
them  in  on  trial  or  probation,  and  at  the  end  of  their 
six  months'  probation,  I  slated  to  them  that  though  I 
viewed  their  motives  in  withdrawing  from  the  church 
to  be  pure,  yet  I  considered  the  act  wrong,  and  this 
error  had  risen  from  a  mistaken  notion  of  conducting 
class  matters.  I  required  of  them  a  confession,  that 
their  act  of  withdrawing  was  wrong.  This  they  all 
refused  to  do,  but  four  or  five,  so  the  few  that  con- 
fessed,  we  look  mto  membership  again.     But  the 


jflfta 

9 


321 

mners  went  off  very  much  displeased  with  me    be- 
cause  I  required  of  them  a  confession.     I  found \hey 
would  neither  receive  me,  nor  the  discipline  to  govern 
them,  unless  we  could  govern  according  to  their  opin- 
ion.    But   my  suflferings  and  labor  with  them,  were 
80  well  understood,  that  it  changed  public   opinion 
respectmg  them,   and  their  congregation  left  them  ; 
this  vexed  them,  and  they  accused  me  heavily.  They 
said,  "  you  meant  to  break  us  up,"     I  said,  "  yes 
that  is  true,  and  I  am  sorry  I  did  not  succeed  to  make 
you  all  good  Methodists." 

These  schismatics  formed  a  coalition  with  others 
on  diflferent  circuits,   and  made  zealous  struggles  to 
establish  themselves  into  a  church  under  the  name  of 
Reformed  Methodists.     But  wisdom  was  not  "jusli- 
fied  of  her  children"  among  them,   therefore,  they 
have  not  prospered.     Confusion  was  in  their  counsels 
and  in  many  places  they  dwindled  away,  professing 
themselves  to  be   spiritually  wise,  when  they  were 
not ;  they  became  bold  in  their  boisterous  preaching 
and   having  the  name  of  Methodists,   they  were  in 
good  repute  for  awhile.     But  some  have  since  joined 
the  Shakers,  and  some  the  Chrisl-ians,  so  that  now 
their  number  is  small. 

At  our  next  Annual  Conference  held  in  New- York 
1814,  I  gave  intimation  that  I  felt  it  my  duty  to  vol- 
unteer my  service  to  supply  the  army  with  preach- 
ing,  in  all  cases  where  I  could,  and  that  if  the  militia 
should  be  called  out  where  I  travelled,  and  wanted  a 
chaplain,  I  should  offer  myself  logo  with  them.  This 

14* 


mailer  was  talked  over,  and  it  was  thougln  lo  be  right 
to  aid  the  governrneni,  and  especially  lo  do  all  in  our 
power  lo  prevent  wickedness  increasing  because  of 
the  war.  Our  prayers  were  fervent,  that  God  would 
dispose  our  enemies  to  be  at  peace  with  us.  Our 
government  had  offered  peace  offerings  in  the  com- 
mencement, by  sending  out  its  ministers  to  treat  for 
peace,  and  submitting  to  have  the  Emperor  of  Russia, 
to  mediate  between  the  two  belligerant  nations ;  but 
England  thought  to  *'  try  the  lug  of  war"  awhile* 
and  refused  the  friendly  offer  of  Russia  lo  mediate. 
Therefore,  war  raged,  and  many  battles  were  fought, 
from  the  time  war  was  declared  on  June  18,  1812,  lo 
January  8,  1815  ;  when  the  ever  memorable  battle  at 
NewOrleans,  taught  the  British,  that  invading  armies- 
could  not  stand  before  American  rifleman  with  our 
heroic  Jackson  to<lirect  their  course  ;  and  the  God 
of  Heaven  to  aid  the  little  band,  with  skill  and  force. 

I  was  informed  that  the  Methodisls  from  Kentucky 
and  Tennessee,  frequently  held  prayer-meetings  in 
their  tents  ;  and  one  day  when  general  orders  were 
issued,  not  lo  have  any  unusual  noise  in  the  camp, 
these  Christian  riflemen  had  prayers,  and  feeling 
pretty  happy,  they  made  some  noise,  at  which  an 
officer  went  lo  General  Jackson,  and  asked  him  if 
he  should  stop  thpm,  as  the  General's  orders  were 
that  there  should  be  no  unusual  noise  in  the  camp. 
The  General  answered,  "  No,  let  them  pray  ;  God 
forbid  that  the  sound  of  prayer  should  be  accounted 
an  unusual  noise,  where  I  command." 

War  is  one  of  the  four  Rore  evils  that  God  brings 


323 

upon  nations ;  pestilence,  plague,  and  famine  are  the 
other  three.  And  it  is  national  wickedness  which  God 
designs  to  reform  by  sending  those  evils.     The  pesti- 
lence had  long  raged  in  our  land,  and  the  national 
wickedness  was  not  reformed  by  us.   I  viewed  the  sins 
ot  out   nation,  to   be  the  sins  of  its  rulers ;  and  I 
viewed  the  rulers  of  this  nation,  to  be  the  people.    As 
to  our  President  and  members  of  Congress,  they  are 
but  the  servants  of  the  people.     And  one  part  of  the 
wickedness  of  the  people,   who  are  the  sovereign 
rulers,  consisted  in  speaking  evil  of  their  servant. 
Ihis  sin   had  so   completely  infested  and  infected 
every  part  of  the  community,  that  scarcely  any  were 
free  from  blame.     Whether  federalists  or  republicans 
were  appointed  to  office,  they  were  sure  lo  be  abused 
and  spoken  evil  of.     It  might  be  expected  that   the 
ministers  of  religion    would  suppress  evil  speaking, 
by   their  united  testimony   against  it.      But  alas  f 
though    some   discharged  their  duty  faithfully,  yei 
many   fomented   evil  speaking.      In  New-England 
the  clergy  of  the  established  order,   were  generally 
opposed  to  a  republican  administration  of  govern- 
ment ;  and  some   of  them  were  vehement  in   their 
declamations    against    the    President  and    General 
Council  of  the   nation.     Some  Doctors  of  Divinity 
and  eminent  ministers,  became  notorious   for  their 
oratorical  fulminaiions.    One  sermon  on  a  fast  day,  in 
1814,  from  which  my  friend  Philom  gives  some  ex- 
tracts, is  sufficient  to  show  that  the  preacher  as  well 
as  many  others,  seemed  to  enlist  their  whole  souls  in 
the  cause  of  pnblic  slander,  and  oratorical  declama- 


31^4 


i 


tion.  What  then  could  be  expected  of  llie  few  who 
seldom  or  never  spoke  of  the  politics  of  the  day  in 
their  sermons,  to  counteract  this  evil  ?  Therefore, 
the  sin  of  evil-speaking  came  upon  us,  like  a  wide 
breaking  in  of  waters. 

At  length  Dr.  M'Cleod,  of  New  York,  preached 
five  sermons  on  the  subject  of  the  measures  of  gov- 
ernment, with  the  design  of  showing  that  our  war 
was  just.  These  sermons  did  much  jgood,  though 
they  seemed  to  have  come  out  at  the  eleventh  hour  ; 
yet  they  did  much  good,  and  they  ought  to  be  read 
by  all ;  I  was  much  edified  by  them  ;  they  contain 
unanswerable  proof  of  the  right  and  duty  of  a  nation, 
under  certain  circumstances,  to  wage  war  ;  and  that 
our  nation  was  then  suffering  more  than  a  sufficiency 
to  justify  them  in  their  declaralion  of  war,  yet  many 
hot-headed  partisans  roundly  declared  the  war  [was 
unjust.  This  opposition  was  very  unpleasant,  aris- 
ing out  of  ignorance  and  party  zeal.  The  clergy  in 
New  England  carried  great  influence,  and  were  uni- 
ted in  their  efforts.  They  had  prophecied  many 
things  against  the  administration,  the  most  of  which 
proved  to  be  false  ;  but  we  had  good  ground  lo  fear 
that  their  influence  among  superstitious  mortals  in 
exciting  opposition,  would  end  in  rebellion.  These 
were  times  that  tried  men's  souls.  It  was  important 
that  every  man  that  was  friendly  to  the  general  gov- 
ernment, should  show  himself  and  avow  his  princi- 
ples. I  did  not  hesitate  a  moment ;  therefore,  when 
the  militia  were  called  out  to  go  to  Boston,  I  volun- 
teered my  services,  and  Col.  Chamberlain  appoint- 


323 

ed  me  chaplain  of  his  regiment.     All  was  hurry.  Or- 
ders  were  given  to  march  to  Boston  forthwith.    Gov. 
Strong  had  been  requested  by  the  President  to  call 
out  the  number  of  troops   assigned  by  Congress,   as 
the  quota  for  the  state  of  xMassachusetts,  in  order  lo 
defend  Boston  from  an  attack  that    was  threatened, 
by  a  fleet  and  army  of  twenty  thousand  men,  under 
the  command  of  Lord    Hill.     But    Gov.    Strong 
knowing  that  if  he  called  out  those  troops  by  the  or- 
der  from  Congress,  the  chief  command  of  them  would 
devolve  on  Gen.   Dearborn,  who  commanded   the 
regular  troops  at  Boston,  at  that  time  ;  therefore  he 
called  them  out  by  his  own  order,  that  he  might  keep 
the  command  of  them  in  his  ow^n  hands.     I  saw  by 
this  disobedience  of  Gov.    Strong  that  there  might 
be  a  secret  design  against  the  general    governme°nt. 
I  believed  that  if   Lord    Hill  should   come.   Gov. 
Strong  might  join  him,  and  -so  separate  New  Eng- 
land from  the  other  stales,  and  make  himself  a  king 
in  the  land  of  steady  habits.     As  soon    as  I  had  an 
opportunity,  I  opened  my  mind  to  the  oflicers  of  the 
staff,  and  some  of  them    were  of  my  opinion.     The 
Colonel  declared,  that  the  moment  he  discovered  that 
the  Governor  did   noi  defend  the  place,  \n  case   we 
should  be  attacked,  he  would  command  his  regiment 
to  turn  their  arms  upon  him.     Our  men  were  in  high 
spirits.     I  had  been  ordered  to  join  the  regiment  on 
the  third  day's  march.     By  this  time  I  was  prepared 
for  the  campaign  ;  and  the  day  I  started  I  heard  the 
news  of  the  defeat  of  the  British  at  Plattsburgh  and 
Baltimore.      So  when  I  overtook  the  regiment  in 


t 


4 


f""^ 


326 

Ware,  and  informed  them  of  the  news,  the  officers 
immediately  informed  the  soldiers,  and  they  gave  six 
cheers  that  rent  the  air. 

When  we  arrived  at  Boston,  we  were  ordered  to 
encamp  at  Cambridgeport,  imlil  further  orders.  This 
was  a  wet,  sunken  place,  calculated  to  give  our  men 
remittent  fevers.  However,  our  good  surgeon,  Dr. 
BuRBANK,  succeeded  in  curing  all  that  were  attacked 
with  it,  so  that  we  lost  none.  Our  regiment  was 
called  out  every  morning  at  nine  o'clock,  to  attend 
prayers,  and  we  had  many  solemn  seasons.  I  gen- 
erally prayed  about  six  or  eight  minutes',  and  would 
sometimes  exhort  them  about  ten  minutes  more. 
Sometimes  many  were  in  tears  while  I  was  pressing 
home  the  duty  of  the  soldier  to  fear  God  and  serve 
his  country  in  the  midst  of  war.  I  prayed  also  for 
our  enemies,  that  God  would  dispose  them  to  be  at 
peace  with  us,  and  that  he  would  perpetuate  those 
just  principles  upon  which  our  independence  and  gov- 
ernment as  a  nation  were  founded,  and  would  inspire 
us  to  act  up  to  the  dignity  of  free  men  ;  and  tliereby 
leach  our  enemies  that  God  had  given  us  our  inde- 
pendence, and  that  our  righteous  laws  and  civil  pow- 
ers were  ordained  of  God.  I  prayed  that  we  might 
be  blessed  with  a  realizing  sense  of  our  privilege,  un- 
der this  free  and  mild  government,  and  that  God 
would  forgive  our  enemies  the  evils  they  had  done 
us,  in  robbing  us  of  our  sailors,  and  infringing  upon 
our  rights  on  the  high  seas.  I  believe  my  prayers 
were  heard  in  heaven,  for  we  had  an  answer  that 
solemnized  our  minds.     Our  soldiers  generally  man- 


327 

ifested  a  desire  to  attend  prayers,  and  also  to  attend 
my  meetings  on  week-day  evenings.     Thus  we  were 
employed,  drilling  by  day,  and    attending  meetings 
in  the  evening  two  or  three  limes  in  a  week.     All  our 
meetings  were  solemn  assemblies.     We  were  some- 
times so  crowded,  that  none  could  sit  down  ;  all  stood 
m  perfect  silence  to  hear  what  1  had   to  say.     My 
practice  was,  to  sing  a  hymn,  make  a  short  prayer, 
and  then  exhort  them  to  duty.     "  To  do  violence  to 
no  man  :  accuse  none  wrongfully,  arid  to  be  content 
with  their  wages,''  formed  the  foundation  of  my  dis- 
courses, endeavoring  thereby    to  cultivate   a  quiet, 
loving  disposition  among  officers  and  soldiers.  I  said,' 
we  must  discharge  our  duty  as  soldiers  that  fear  God,' 
and  in  all  things  act  with  a  special  reference  to  the 
glory  of  God,  in  defending  the  principles  of  justice, 
and  the  equal  rights  of  man  ;  which  God  has  ordain- 
ed as  Ihe  grand  pillars  of  the  independence  and  gov- 
ernment of  these  United   States.     We  ought  not  to 
suffer  the  haughty  tyrants  of  Europe  to  break  faith 
with  us  with  impunity.     But  we  must  look  to  God  to 
aid  us,  as  he  aided   our  fathers   in   the  revolution. 
Our  government  is  oT  God.     The  powers  that  be,  are 
ordained  by  him.     If  we  resist  her  just  commands, 
we  shall  be  cursed  of  God.     We  can  live  according 
to*  the  dictates  of  religion  and  serve  our  God  and 
country.     Let  there  be  no  profane  swearing,  no  pas- 
sions   indulged   that  would  violate   the  decorum  of 
christian  soldiers,  but  show  to  all  that   we  fear  God 
and  honor  our  government.     After  some  such  short 
discourse,  I  would  close  by  prayer. 


t\\ 


iii 


I 


328 


^it 


-  Some  have  expressed  an  opinion  thai  it  was  need- 
less  10  have  chaplains  in  an  army  ;  but  from  what  I 
have  witnessed,  I  think  if  ministers  can  do  good  any 
where,  they  can  in  the  army,  if  they  are  men  fearing 
God  themselves.  There  they  have  labor  enough  to 
prevent  swearing,  and  many  immoral  habits  that  pre- 
vail. 

I  believe  I  was  instrumental  of  some  good  to  the 
Crfficers  and  soldiers.     We  had  a   very  good   under- 
standing  with   each  other,    and  contracted   such  an 
affection,  that  when  we  were  discharged  and  were 
taking  leave  of  each  other,  our  affections  were  mani- 
fested in   a  liberal    flow  of  tears.      And  not   long 
after  I  returned  home,  1  had  the  satisfaction  to  hear 
of  forty-three  who  were  in    our  regiment,   that  had 
experienced  religion,  and  joined  our  society.     I  met 
with  no  abuse  from  either  soldiers  or  sailors  while 
with   them.     But  such  was   the  habit  of  speaking 
evil  of  the  President  and  Congress,  that  I  met  with 
several  insults   from  gentlemen  of  those  habits.— 
One  mstance  of  insult  happened  on  parade.     A  gen- 
tleman that   often   attended  prayers   outside  of  the 
hoUow  square,  came  to  me  while  I  was   waiting  for 
the   regiment  to  form  ;  and  the   invalids  were  also 
standing  with  me.     This   gentleman  came  to  rtake 
some  acquaintance  ;  he  asked   for  my  name,   and 
whether  I  was  educated  in  Cambridge  College,  &c. 
He  remarked  that  our  country  was  once  flourisliing,' 
but  now  it  is  wretched,  '*  and  all,"  said  he,  "  by  our 
damned   rulers."     I  said,  '*  sir,  our   rulers   are  not 
damned."  -Yes,"  said  he,  "they  are  damned  rulers." 


329 


,1 


I  said,  "  sir,  you  insult  me,  no  man  that  is  acquainted 
with  me,  will  treat  me  with  vulgarity,  nor  curse  the 
rulers  of  our  land  in  my  presence ;  it  is  written  thou 
shall  not  curse  the  rulers  of  thy  people."     He   said, 
"  if  I  have  hurt   your  feelings,  I  am  sorry  for  it,  I 
meant  MxDrsoN."     I  said,  "I  iee]  myself  insulted 
by  you,  and  I  owe  you  no  conversation."     He  steer- 
ed  off  without   another  word.     At  a  proper  lime  I 
made  my  complaint  to  the  officers  of  the  staff.     I  told 
them,  I  could  not  hear  the  rulers  of  our  land  cursed 
without  resenting   it.     There  was  such  an  interest 
taken  in  my  behalf  by  the  officers  and  soldiers,  that 
soon  it  was  noised  about  that  the  chaplain  had  been 
insulted,  and  it  became  the  subject  of  much  conver- 
sation.    Some  concluded  by   way  of  apology,  that 
the  gentleman  would  not  have  made  so  free  in  my 
presence  if  he  had  not  supposed  that  I  was  a  chaplain 
of  the  same  political  sentiments  of  the  clergy  in  gen- 
eral in  New  England.     I  said,  if  so,  what  an  account 
will  those  clergymen  have  to  give,  who  have  encour- 
aged  the  people  in  cursing  the  rulers  of  our  land ; 
verily,  this  has  been  the  cause  of  this  war,  and  of  all 
the  blood  that  has  been  shed.     O  tempora  !  Omores  ! 
It  was  soon    known    that    I  was  a    republican  ; 
though  we  agreed  among  the  officers  of  our  regiment,' 
to  say  nothing  about  party  politics,  but  all  professed  to 
be  true  Americans.     Yet  I  heard  much  said  among 
the  inhabitants   of  towns  around,  and  many  things 
said,  that  I  had  to  reprove.     It  surprised  and  grieved 
me  to  hear  people  who  professed  so  much  religion, 


i 

r 


I 


230 

speak  evil  of  those  rulersi,  who  are  but  the  servanis  of 
the  people. 

It  was  this  year,  1814,  that  Governor  Strong  and 
the  assennbly,  gave  the  tone  of  rebellion  against  the 
general  government,  by  recommending  and  appoint- 
ing delegates  for  the  Hartford  convention.  This 
was  a  mad  affair,  instigated  in  a  great  measure  by 
the  clergy  of  Nevkr  England,  who  like  Dr.  Parish, 
vented  their  invectives  against  the  administration  of 
government,  and  fomented  division.  It  was  so  gen- 
erally known  that  the  clergy  were  opposed  to  our 
government,  that  it  surprised  many,  when  they  learn- 
ed  that  I  was  a  friend  to  the  administration.  There- 
fore I  was  unto  them  as  a  spy  ;  some  went  so  far  as 
to  say,  that  I  ought  not  to  be  a  chaplain.  But  our 
regiment  were  all  of  one  mind  ;  whether  they  were 
federal  or  republican,  they  were  for  defending  the 
country  like  true  Americans.  And  I  heard  no  com- 
plaining from  one  of  them.  But  some  members  of 
the  assembly  and  some  hot-headed  politicians  who 
were  deceived  with  false  prophecies,  spoke  against 
every  thing  that  was  of  a  republican  character.  The 
prophets  of  the  day  (such  as  they  were)  prophecied 
that  great  Britain  would  never  make  peace  with 
America  while  Mr.  Madison  was  President.  There- 
fore, one  zealous  convert  of  those  false  prophets,  pre- 
sented a  motion  to  the  assembly  in  Boston,  to  appoint 
a  delegation  from  that  assembly  lo  wait  on  the  Pre- 
sident,  and  request  him  to  resign  his  office,  or  change 
his  cabinet  counsel,  &c.  But  in  their  profound  wis- 
dom they  thought  it  best  first  to  have  a  convention  of 


331 

wise  men  lo  meet  at  Hartford.  And  when  this  was 
known  through  the  state,  the  clergy  proclaimed  a 
fast ;  and  on  the  14th  of  December,  1814,  their  con- 
vention met  at  Hartford,  and  the  clergy  called  to- 
gether their  flocks  to  fast  and  pray  for  them  ;  so  they 
fasted  and  prayed,  and  formed  moral  societies  to  keep 
the  Sabbath.  But  the  secret  design  of  these  moral 
societies  was  to  prevent  the  government  teams  from 
travelhng  on  the  Sabbath.  Therefore,  many  broke 
the  Sabbath,  in  laboring  to  make  other  people  keep 
it. 

Such  was  the  opposition  of  the  federalists  in  New 
England,  to  the  war,  that  many  of  them  thought  it  a 
pious  duty  to  speak  evil  of  the  Congress,  and  com- 
plain of  every  measure  proposed  to  prosecute  the  war 
with  success.  They  rejoiced  at  our  discomfitures, 
and  seemed  lo  mourn  on  hearing  news  of  our  success. 
The  prayers  for  our  government  offered  up  by  many 
of  them,  were  studied  invectives.  And  on  all  occa- 
sions, they  seemed  lo  pride  themselves  in  showing  a 
dislike  to  every  measure  pursued  by  the  Americans  ; 
and  of  extolling  the  magnanimity  of  the  English. 
Though  this  grieved  me,  yet  I  pitied  them  as  delu- 
ded souls,  and  felt  truly  sorry  for  them.  But  I  was 
pleased  with  the  rebut  some  met  with  in  their  im- 
pious complaining.  One  day  a  number  of  gentlemen 
from  Boston,  went  on  board  the  Independence  sev- 
enty-four gun  ship  that  was  fitting  out  for  sea,  in 
Charlestown  harbor ;  among  them  was  one  of  the 
Hartford  convention  gentlemen.  The  sailors  had 
just  killed  and  dressed  a  fat  hog,  and  this  pious  con- 


\<i 


I 


333 


333 


vention  gentleman  was  slrutting  about,  not  observing 
ihe  dead  hog,  and  when  his  full  bosom  was  ready  to 
burst  with  some  pious  slang  against  the  measures  of 
war;  he  at  last  sung  out,  "  Fye  fo  fum,  I  smell  the 
blood  of  an  English  mun."  And  was  about  to  add, 
dead  or  alive  Til  have  some  ;  but  turning  around  as 
he  spoke,  he  saw  the  dead  hog  hanging  near  him, 
which  had  affected  his  olfactory  nerve,  and  inspired 
his  pious  stomach,  so  that  he  cut  short  his  remarks, 
on  finding  he  had  mistaken  the  blood  of  a  hog  for  an 
Englishman. 

Col.  Chamberlain  had  sent  word  to  the  Governor, 
that  his  regiment  was  ready  for  service,  or  to  march 
down  to  Castine,  to  drive  off  the  British.  I  was  re- 
quested also  to  inform  those  members  of  the  assem- 
bly, then  setting  in  Boston,  who  came  from  that  part 
of  the  Maine,  where  the  British  troops  lay,  that  our 
regiment  were  waiting  for  orders  to  march  down  and 
drive  them  off.  And  they  petitioned  Governor 
Strong  for  a  suitable  force  of  volunteers  for  that  pur- 
pose. But  our  pious  Governor  loved  our  enemies 
so  well,  that  he  wouJd  not  have  them  hurt  or  disturb- 
ed ;  so  he  advised  neutrality,  and  .preached  peace, 
with  all  but  republicanism.  I  did  not  hear  of  his 
preaching  any  peace  with  that. 

These  were  limes  to  try  men's  souls,  but  God 
overruled,  and  though  they  organized  a  convention  to 
meet  at  Hartford,  and  the  clergy  with  their  flocks 
fasted  and  prayed,  yet,  **  He  that  sitteth  in  heaven^ 
had  them  in  derision f"*^  Psalms  ii.  4.  Notwithstand- 
ing   the    opposition  and    prophecies  that    Englan 


would  not  make  peace  with  America,  while  Mr. 
Madison  was  President,  so  it  was.  In  spite  of  the 
false  prophets,  a  peace  was  concluded  upon  by  the 
commissioners  at  Ghent,  and  signed  by  the  Prince 
Regent,  on  the  24lh  of  December,  while  the  Hart- 
ford Convention  were  plotting  mischief;  and  it  ar- 
rived here  the  forepart  of  February,  and  was  ratified 
by  President  Madison,  on  the  fifteenth  of  the  same 
month.  While  the  delegates  recommended  by  the 
Hartford  Convention,  were  on  their  way  to  Washing- 
ton, they  heard  this  news  of  peace,  and  it  was  said, 
that  when  they  first  heard  it,  they  were  confused  and 

confounded  ;  that  Mr.  O ,  when  at  table,  was  in 

a  reverie,  for  when  they  passed  the  bread,  he  did  not 
notice  it.  One  asked  him  "  if  he  would  have  a 
piece  ?"  He  said,  "  we  can't  have  this  peace,  it  will 
ruin  the  people  of  Boston  I"  Many  other  expressions 
escaped  him  that  clearly  evinced,  that  it  was  not 
peace  that  was  desired  by  them,  but  the  exaltation 
of  their  party  politics,  and  gain  by  trading  with  the 
enemy.  The  people  of  Boston  had  improved  their 
neutrality  to  run  goods  from  the  British  lines,  and 
this  peace  spoiled  their  prospects  of  gain,  therefore 
the  peace  would  injure  the  people  of  Boston. 

I  felt  thankful  that  God  had  confounded  the  wise 
in  their  craftiness,  and  brought  to  nought  their 
schemes  of  mischief. 

After  I  relumed  from  the  army,  I  visited  the  pris- 
oners in  Pittsfield.  There  were  several  thousand, 
that  had  been  taken  by  Generals  Brown  and  Scott, 
and  others,  on  the  lines  of  Canada.     Many  of  them 


l! 


J: 

4 


331 


were  allowed  to  work  for  half  a  dollar  per  day,  and 
they  lived  well.  Thirteen  of  them  professed  to  ex- 
perience religion  while  with  us,  and  those  in  the 
prison  infornned  me  that  they  fared  well,  and  had 
good  rations.  Some  said  they  fared  better  with  us 
than  they  did  in  Canada.  One  of  those  who  had  ex- 
perienced religion  said,  if  I  would  say  it  was  right 
for  him  to  desert,  he  would  do  so,  and  live  in  this 
country.  I  asked  him  if  he  enlisted  voluntarily  ? 
and  if  he  had  taken  the  oath  of  allegiance  to  the 
Prince  Regent  ?  and  if  he  had  been  paid  his  wages  ? 
&;c.  To  all  these  he  answered,  yes.  I  then  said, 
you  ought  not  to  desert.  The  tears  ran  down  his 
face  when  he  heard  this.  I  said,  he  of  good  cheer, 
my  dear  fellow,  you  can  live  religion  in  the  army, 
though  it  is  more  difficult ;  but  remember,  it  is  prin- 
ciple that  binds  us  to  our  governments.  I  am  bound 
to  support  this  government,  and  you  are  bound  lo 
support  the  British  government,  until  yon  obtain  a 
legal  discharge  from  it,  and  then  if  you  come  under 
this  government,  you  will  be  equally  bound  lo  sup- 
port this  ;  but  you  must  discharge  your  duty  by  yield 
ing  obedience  to  the  government  you  are  under,  and 
serve  God  while  so  doing.  He  wept,  and  said,  **  I 
will  do  my  duty,  painful  as  it  may  be,  by  the  grace 
of  God  assislirfg  me.  Til  do  my  duty." 

Some  have  said  that  soldiers  cannot  be  religious, 
and  that  war  is  wrong  in  all  cases.  Such  people  are 
very  contracted  in  their  views  of  religion  itself,  and 
of  the  dispensations  of  God's  judgments  ;  they  little 
think  that  they  indirectly  say,    God's  judgments  are 


33o 


wrong.  War  is  a  judgment  God  sends  upon  a  wick- 
ed nation,  and  though  war  originated  first  from  the 
malevolent  passions  of  men  ;  yet  God  designs  that 
those  who  take  the  sword,  shall  perish  with  the 
sword;  therefore  defensive  war  is  always  right, 
while  offensive  war  is  always  wrong.  But  subjects 
under  all  civil  governments,  are  bound  to  obey  those 
who  have  the  rule  over  them,  whether  the  war  is 
right  or  wrong,  at  least  so  long  as  those  who  admin- 
ister the  government,  solemnly  regard  the  constitu- 
tion that  makes  them  lawful  administrators  of  govern- 
ment and  no  longer.  For  if  men  who  are  set  lo  ad- 
minister government,  shall  disregard  the  constitution, 
and  attempt  tyrannically  to  enslave  their  subjects,  as 
the  king  and  parliament  of  Great  Britain  did  to  the 
American  colonists  before  the  revolution  ;  by  taxing 
America  without  giving  them  a  just  representation 
according  to  their  constitution  ;  the  subjects  are  right 
in  such  a  case,  in  opposing  such  tyrants  and  rebels. 
I  say  such  rebels,  for  the  king  and  parliament  rebel- 
led against  the  constitution  of  the  nation,  [if  they  had 
any,)  at  least  what  they  called  a  constitution  they  set 
at  nought,  and  ^therefore  they  were  the  rebels,  and 
the  colonists  had  a  right  lo  establish  a  government  for 
themselves.  Then  the  obligation  of  those  subjects 
in  the  colonies  ceased,  and  the  only  question  lo  be 
decided  by  them  was,  the  expediency  of  going  to  war 
against  the  king  and  parliament  of  Great  Britain,  for 
as  the  wise  man  said,  Prov.  xx.  18,  "  Every  purpose 
is  established  by  counsel,  and  with  good  advice  make 
war.''    This  ihev  did  in  the  name  of  the  Lord  ;  and 


i 


336 


by  the  blessing  of  God,  lliey  taught  the  tyrants  of 
England,  that  government  consisted  in  principle,  cor- 
rect principle  that  rules  the  rulers  as  well  as  the  peo- 
ple. And  I  pray  God  that  the  principles  of  justice 
and  equal  rights,  may  continue  to  be  the  foundation 
of  government  in  this  happy  country,  while  the  world 
shall  stand. 

But  though  England,  after  an  eight  years  war,  ac- 
knowledged us  an  independent  nation,  yet  they  en- 
vied us  our  peace  and  prosperity.  They  broke  faith 
a  number  of  times  with  our  administrators  of  govern- 
ment; they  labored  to  divide  us,  and  sent  John  Hen- 
ry to  Boston  to  negotiate  with  the  Federalists  to  give 
the  tone  of  rebellion  in  case  of  a  war.  They  had 
robbed  us  of  many  of  our  sailors,  and  violated  our 
rights  of  commerce,  contrary  to  the  law  of  nations. 
These  robberies  of  our  seamen,  and  violations  of  our 
rights,  were  complained  of  by  our  nation  for  twenty 
years,  without  obtaining  any  redress.  Our  christian 
meekness  as  a  nation,  and  our  divisions  in  party  pol- 
itics, only  encouraged  them  to  continue  their  abuses, 
until  we  despaired  of  **  mending  their  manners"  with- 
out war. 

All  diplomatic  measures,  it  seems,  only  served  to 
increase  the  difficulty.  Justice  and  mercy  are  two 
glorious  attributes  of  the  Deity,  but  neither  of  these 
can  be  exercised  in  creation  and  providence  without 
limitation.  Mercy  ceases  to  be  mercy  over  a  certain 
degree  of  forbearance — so  also  of  justice.  Our  wise 
administrators  proved  them  in  every  way,  and  found 
that  nothing  w^ould  satisfy  the  haughty  English,  but 


337 

a  surrender  of  our  independence.  Therefpre  the 
only  alternative  we  had,  was  to  give  up  our  indepen- 
dence,  or  fight  once  more  to  maintain  it,  and  like  wise 
and  good  men,  our  administrators  chose  the  latter. 
But  now,  for  wise  or  learned  men  to  say  that  this  war 
was  unjust  or  unrighteous,  is  only  to  be  accounted  for 
from  the  fact  that  they  were  deluded  by  a  little  insig- 
nificant  spirit  that  governed  some  in  the  party  politics 
of  the  day,  called  "  love  of  office."  This  spirit  made 
them  so  thirst  for  office,  that  it  drank  up  all  their 
patriotism,  and  left  them  in  a  high  fever,  which  was 
like  to  terminate  in  desperation. 

I  often  prayed  to  the  Lord  to  overrule  this  political 
madness,  and  to  preserve  our  beloved  America  from 
civil  war,  well  assured  that  if  virtue  and  correct  prin- 
ciples could  prevail  and  rule  over  us,  we  should  al- 
ways prosper. 

The  gospel  of  Christ  is  apeacefi?l  gospel ;  it  makes 
brethren  of  the  same  family  love  each  other  :  soldiers 
of  the  same  regiment  or  army  love  each  other,  in 
proportion  as  they  love  God  and  their  country.  And 
members  of  the  same  civil  community,  labor  above 
all  things  to  promote  the  peace  and  happiness  of  that 
community.  My  whole  soul  was  delighted  with  the 
sentiments  of  religion  expressed  by  General  Marion. 
And  I  pray  God,  that  his  views  of  religion  may  be- 
come the  governing  principle  of  those  who  have  been 
guilty  of  opposing  the  general  government,  and  of 
such  as  cry  peace,  peace,  when  there  is  no  peace  ;  or 
rather  are  at  peace  with  our  enemies,  and  at  enmity 

with  our  own  government.    General  Marion  seems 

15 


338 

not  only  10  be  a  soldier,  bin  a  Christian  ;  not  a  bigot 
nor  a  hypocrite.  When  a  friend  of  his  informed 
him  that  the  Methodists  and  Baptists  were  progress- 
ing rapidly  in  some  parts  of  the  state,  he  replied, 
"  well,  thank  God  for  that  j— that  is  good  news." 
The  same  gemleman  then  asked  him  which  he 
thought  was  the  best  religion  ?  "I  know  of  but  one 
religion  (he  answered)  amd  that  is  hearty  love  of  God 
and  man.  This  is  the  only  true  religion ;  and  I 
would  to  God  our  country  was  full  of  it ;  for  it  is  the 
only  spice  to  embalm  and  immortalize  our  republic. 
Any  politician  can  sketch  out  a  fine  theory  of  govern- 
ment, but  what  is  [to  bind  the  people  to  practice  ? 
Archimedes  used  to  mourn  that  though  his  mechanic 
powers  were  irresistible,  yet  he  could  never  raise  the 
world,  because  he  had  no  place  in  the  heavens, 
whereon  to  fix  his  pulleys.  Even  so,  our  republic 
will  never  be  raised  above  the  shameful  factions,  and 
miserable  end  of  all  other  governments,  until  our  citi- 
zens come  to  have  their  heaits  like  Archimedes'  pul- 
leys, fixed  on  heaven. 

"The  world  sometimes  makes  such  bids  to  ambi- 
tion, that  nothing  but  ^eai;eAi  can  out-bid  iier.  The 
heart  is  sometimes  so  embittered,  that  nothing  but 
Divine  love  can  sweeten  it  ;  so  enraged  that  devotion 
only  can  becnlm  it ;  and  so  broken  down,  that  it 
'takes  all  the  force  of  heavenly  hope  to  raise  it.  In 
short,  religion  is  the  only  sovereign  and  controlling 
power  over  man.  Bound  by  that,  the  rulers  will 
never  usurp,  nor  the  people  rebel  The  former  will 
govern  like  fathers,  and  the  latter  obey  like  children. 


.339 

And  liuis  moving  on,  firm  and  united  as  a  host  of 
brothers,  they  will  continue  invincible  as  long  as  they 
continue  virtuous." 

These  were  the  sentiments  of  General  Marion, 
one  of  the  heroic  officers  of  the  revolution.  But 
when  I  contrast  his  liberal  sentiments  of  religion  with 
those  of  the  clergy,  who  have  fomented  evil  speaking, 
and  opposition  to  the  general  government,  I  am 
ashamed  of  New  England,  the  land  of  my  fathers. 
Where  is  thy  boasted  goodness?  How  are  thine 
altars  (sacred  to  religion)  polluted  by  the  minister 
preaching  his  party  politics  and  vehement  invectives, 
slandering  the  best  of  men  !  Take  a  quotation  from 
Dr.  Parish  of  ByefieJd,  Mass.,  in  a  sermon  preached 
on  the  public  fast  day,  April  7,  1814,  as  a  sample  of 
evil  speaking.  He  said,  "  you  may  as  well  expect 
the  cataract  of  Niagara  to  turn  its  current  to  the  head 
of  Superior,  as  a  wicked  congress  to  make  a  pause 
in  the  work  of  destroying  their  country,  while  the 
people  will  furnish  the  means."  Again,  "like  the 
worshippers  of  Moloch,  the  supporters  of  a  vile  ad- 
ministration, sacrifice  their  children  and  families  on 
the  altar  of  Democracy.  Here  we  must  trample  on 
the  mandate  of  despotism,  or  here  we  must  remain 
slaves  forever."* 

After  tliivelling  Pittsfield  circuit  two  years,  I  was 
appointed  to  Litchfield  circuit.  Here  I  travelled  one 
year  with  brother   Cochrane.     The   work  of  the 


*  For  a  furttier  quotation  from  this  sermon,  see  Ammah  Phi- 
lom's  address  to  the  people  of  New  England,  page  30  to  34. 


m 


i 


340 

Lord  was  glorious  lliis  year.  I  believe  six  hundred 
were  converted,  but  many  joined  the  Congregalion- 
alisls.  In  those  days  the  Charitable  Society  (so  call- 
ed,) issued  an  address  to  raise  the  sympathies  of  the 
people  to  give  liberally  for  the  education  of  indigent 
pious  young  men  for  the  jjiiistry  of  the  Gospel.  The 
Andover  Institution  was  extolled  as  the  best  means 
to  make  ministers,  and  our  country  was  said  by  the 
authors  of  the  address,  to  be  more  deplorably  desti- 
tute of  religious  instruction,  than  any  other  Christian 
nation  under  heaven.  They  set  forth  our  country  to 
be  very  wretched,  and  said,  "  from  every  pulpit  in 
our  land,  the  trumpet  must  sound  long  and  loudy  the 
tracts  and  magazines,  and  even  the  press  must  groan 
in  the  communication  of  our  wretchedness.^''  This 
harangue  mude  a  great  stir.  Mr.  Beecher,  of  Litch- 
field, was  chairman  of  their  committee ;  he  wrote  the 
address,  and  as  it  is  stated  that  there  were  not  more 
than  three  thousand  educated  ministers  in  our  nation, 
to  supply  a  population  of  eight  millions,  estimating 
one  minister  to  a  thousand — we  were  deficient  five 
thousand  ministers.  Alas  !  and  a  lack  a-day,  how 
wretched  are  we  !  They  allowed  that  there  might 
possibly  be  one  thousand  five  hundred  nominal  miniis- 
ters,  i.  e.  ministers  only  in  name,  that's  all ;  and  what 
made  them  worse  than  nothing,  was,  thejf  said  they 
were  generally  ignorant  men,  and  despisers  of  learn- 
ing. On  this  account,  my  friend  Ammah  Philom, 
wrote  an  address  to  the  good  people  of  New  England, 
in  which  he  makes  very  free  remarks  on  this  address 
of  the  Charitable   Society.    And  to  give  the  reader 


\ 


341 

my  views  of  the  subject,  I  will  insert  an  advertise- 
ment I  wrote  for  him  : 

ADVERTISEMENT. 

Philom  was  a  little  too  severe, 
When  first  he  did  appear : 
It  being  then  a  time  of  frost  and  cold, 
That  froze  the  printer^s  types,  and  made  him  scold. 
And  Philom  too,  was  hurried  to  the  life, 
To  view  and  review  all  the  combined  strife, 
Of  philanthropic  measures  to  engross 
All  profit,  honor,  power  and  force  ; 
To  educate  and  qualify  young  men 
To  preach,  in  missionary  tours, 
And  tell  the  people  when 
God  did  decree  their  fate  in  woe  or  bliss, 
And  if  for  woe  they  cannot  miss. 
Though  all  unite  their  powers. 

But  what,  though  Philom  was  severe  1 
He'd  matter  there  and  matter  here, 
Enough  to  make  a  wise  man  mad  : 
What !  like  oppression  when  it  springs, 
From  Priests  and  Lawyers,  and  from  kings? 

To  drain  our  purse 

And  leave  a  curse, 
By  teaching  men  to  lie  and  cheat, 
In  begging  money  to  coipplete 
Their  schemes,  and  make  them  glad. 

But  then,  a  little  too  severe  won't  do, 
— — —  Though  hje  speak  true, 


For  if  to  make 
A  settled  stale, 

Some  Priests  run  mad  for  gold ; 
And  all  combine 
To  spend  their  time. 
In  sounding  trump  both  long  and  loud, 
In  mournful  strains  to  teach  the  crowd, 


342 


How  wretched  we 

Shall  always  be, 

Till  church  and  state  shall  both  agree, 

To  warm  us  in  their  fold. 

All,  all's  alike  the  same, 

■  —  severe  or  plain, 

If  God  decreed  all  things  tbat  come  to  pass. 

It  makes  no  odds  to  them  or  me, 

To  think  as  one  or  disagree. 

AH,  airs  alike  the  same, 

None  are  to  blame, 

As  true  as  Romans  tend  to  mass. 

•         •  •'        41  '      •  * 

But  Philom  don't  believe  this  creed. 
That  all  things  were  by  God  decreed ; 
No !  he  believes  no  such  a  matter, 

Then  read  and  hear  him  out, 

See  what  he's  been  about. 
Where  combin'd  institutions  play. 
Id  sounding  trump  both  night  and  day. 

With  groaning  press, 

They  cannot  rest. 
But  makes  ao  awful  clatter. 


CHAPTER  XVI. 

This  year  our  Congregational  brethren  earned 
on  the  blockading  system ;  that  is,  when  the 
Methodists  had  meeting,  ihey  would  appoint  their 
meetings  near  by,  so  as  to  prevent  as  many  as  pos- 
sible from  coming  to  our  meetings.  This  I  call  a 
blockading  system ;  and  when  we  had  a  work  of 
religion  in  any  place,  then  they  would  come  and  set 
up  meetings  too,  though  they  had  none  there  before. 
This  looked  like  a  laudable  opposition,  for  the 
Apostle  saith,  Phil.  i.  15 — 18,  **  Some  indeed  preach 
Christ,  even  of  envy  and  strife,  and  some  also  of 
good  will.  "What  then  ?  Notwithstanding  every 
way,  whether  in  pretence  or  in  truth,  Christ  is 
preached  ;  and  I  therein  do  rejoice,  yea,  and  will 
rejoice."  I  was  happy  in  the  thought,  that  the 
Methodists  had  been  instrumental  of  a  general  revi- 
val of  religion  throughout  New-England.  What  a 
change,  thought  I,  in  twenty  years.  Our  zeal  for 
God,  and  his  precious  cause,  has  stirred  up  many, 
and  provoked  the  Congregationalists  and  Baptists  to 
love  and  good  works. 

The  Methodists  under  God,  have  been  the  instru- 
mentsi  of  a  great  work,  in  not  only  converting  souls, 


;*•■- 


344 

but    in    provoking    Christians    to   love    and    good 
works.      In    some    places    Congregationalists   and 
Baptists    are  as  zealous   as    the    Methodists,    only 
they  are  not  willing  to  own  that  the  Methodists   aie 
instruments  in  the  hands  of  the  Lord  of  this  revival 
among  them.     Indeed  some  are  unwilling  to  allow 
God  any  credit  for  sending  the  Methodists  into  New- 
England,  or  the  Methodists  any  credit  as  instruments 
of  the   revivals  of  religion  in   any  place.     But  they 
must  come  to  it  yet,  they  love  the  truth  too  well  to  abuse 
it  without  shame,  and  as  they  become  more  and  more 
pious,  and  get  acquainted  with  religious  experience, 
80  as  to  say  something  more  than  "  I  hope  I'm  con- 
verted," or  "  I  hope  I've  got  a  hope,"  they  will  know 
the  truth,  and  the  truth  will  make  them  free — then 
their  love  will  be  without  dissimulation,  their  love 
will  cast  out  the  fear  they  have  of  the  Methodists, 
and  receive  our  love  towards  them.     This  work  be- 
gins  to  show  itself  to  the  joy  of  my  heart.     We 
love  ail    professing  Christians ;  I  say  u;e,  because  I 
have  heard  my  brethren  in  the  ministry  declare  their 
sentiments,  and  I  believe  their  profession  of  love  to 
be  sincere.     But  when  any  of  them  profess  to  com- 
mit sin  every  day  and  every  minute,  in  thought,  word, 
and  deed,  in  love  to  their  souls,  we  will  exhort  them 
to  repent  and  get  their  souls  converted.     If  this,  our 
love,  is  not  acknowledged  by  them,  we  must  still  ex- 
Lort  them,    for  we  do  not  believe  that  men  can  be 
bond  slaves  to  sin  and  Satan,   and  at  the  same  time 
be  Christ's  followers.     We  are  servants  to  whom  we 


345 

yield  ourselves  servants  to  obey,  whether  df  sin  unto 
death,  or  of  righteousness  unto  holiness. 

In  1816  and  1817,  I  travelled  Granville  circuit ; 
and  here  we  had  a  good  revival  of  religion.  In  West 
Springfield,  Suffield,  Windsor,  Symsbury,  Barkhem- 
8ted,  Hartland,  Granville,  Granby,  Southwick,  and 
in  many  other  places,  many  were  converted.  Bro. 
David  Miller  was  my  colleague  the  first  year.  We 
labored  to  do  all  the  good  we  could,  by  preaching 
what  we  viewed  to  be  the  pure  doctrines  of  the  Gos- 
pel. I  felt  encouraged  to  bear  down  with  all  my 
might  against  the  devil  and  sin,  and  preach  the  doc- 
trine of  perfection,  as  the  Methodists  hold  it,  in  every 
place. 

I  changed  with   brother   Merritt,   and  went  to 
preach  for  him  in  Old  Springfield,  while  he  preach- 
ed for  me  in  West  Springfield.      This  was  a  time  of 
refreshing  to  my  soul  and  many  others  ;  some  were 
convicted  and  converted   by  this  means.     When   I 
came  around  the  circuit  to  West  Springfield,  I  wa» 
informed   that  a  man  and  his  wife,  by  the  name  of 
Fletcher,  were  awakened  under  my  preaching  in 
Old-Springfield,  and  on  Wednesday  evening  in  pray- 
er-meeting, they  were  both  converted.  "  Fletcher!" 
said  I,   **  What  Fletcher  ?"     "  O,"  said   one,  "  I 
don't  know  ;  but  he  says  he  used  to  know  you  some 
where  to  the  westward  ;  but  he  will  be  here  to  see  you 
on  Sabbath."     The   next  day  when   I  saw   him,  I 
learned  that  he  was  the  son  of  Captain  Fletcher- 
His  brother  Lemuel  was  awakened  by  my  preaching 

15* 


34  a 


in  Hinsdale,  (as  he  informed  me,)  near  twenty  years 
before,  and  moved  to  a  place  west  of  Cherry-Valley, 
where  he  was  a  class-leader  some  years,  and  had  died 
happy  in  the  Lord.  Lemuel,  before  his  death,  in- 
formed me  also  of  his  sisters,  Lydia  and  Polly,  who 
were  awakened  about  the  time  he  was,  and  now 
Enoch  is  converted  through  my  instrumentality  — 
Surely,  said  I,  these  are  thy  marvellous  works,  O 
Lord,  my  God.  When  I  was  twelve  years  old,  I 
had  a  revelation  that  I  should  be  the  means  of  the 
conversion  of  several  of  this  family.  And  glory  be 
to  God,  it  has  come  to  pass  even  as  it  was  promised. 
Though  I  am  without  a  college  education,  and  the 
least  of  all  Christians,  yet  the  Lord  has  shown  me 
the  error  of  Calvinism,  and  the  truth  of  His  word, 
and  made  me  instrumental  in  the  conversion  of  souls. 
These  things  were  revealed  to  me  when  young,  and 
now  they  conspire  to  strengthen  my  wecok  hands  and 
make  me  bold  in  God,  to  preach  "  the  Gospel  of 
God  with  much  contention."  1  Thess.  ii :  2. 

I  was  led  to  preach  the  doctrine  of  perfection,  as 
the  Methodists  hold  it.  But  many  in  these  parts  are 
still  violently  opposed  to  it,  and  some  intimated  that  I 
was  positive  beyond  the  degree  of  evidence  I  offered. 
Evidence  is  a  light  thing  with  those  who  love  sin  and 
*  hate  holiness.  Others  marvelled  at  the  doctrine.  Per- 
fection seemed  to  them  to  be  such  an  attainment  in  the 
grace  of  God,  as  to  free  a  man  not  only  from  doubts 
of  his  good  estate,  but  from  the  fear  of  deaih.  And 
none  but  the  Methodists  durst  profess  this  ;  though 
many  of  them  weie  half-hearted  in  this  work.     But 


347 

while  the  Presbyterians   hold  the  same  doctrine  in 
iheir  confession  of  faith,   on  justification,  adoption, 
and  sanclification,  yet  they  deny  their  own  confession 
of  faith  in  opposing  the  Methodists.     But  their  doc- 
trines   of    adoption   and   sanctification,    contain  the 
whole  amount  of  the   Methodist  doctrine  of  Chris* 
tian  perfection.     The  practice  of  the  Congregational 
ministers   in   New   England,   in   preaching   against 
perfection,    merely  to  oppose  the    Methodists,    has 
confused  themselves    and    their  hearers,  and  done 
much  hurt.     I  have  often  seen  them  labor  to  prove 
that  Christians  could  not   live    without    sin  ;    they 
did  not  say  how  much  sin  would  keep  a  man  alive, 
but  in  making  out  proof  they  quote  the  Apostle  to 
the  Romans,  chapter  seven.     In  doing   this,   they 
affirm  that  the  Apostle  when  he  wrote,  was  carnal, 
sold  under  sin.     But  we  believe  this   good  apostle 
there  wrote  the  exercise  he  had,  when  under  convic- 
tion, and  before  he  was   converted  ;  therefore  he,  to 
illustrate  his  views  of  the  use  and  excellence  of  both 
the  law  and  the    Gospel,   personates   one   under  the 
law,  convicted,  and  finally  converted.     He  begins  by 
speaking  in  the  past  tense.    **I  was  alive  without  the 
law  once,  but  when  the  commandment  came,  sin  re- 
vived and  I  died."     Then  he  goes  on  to  state  his  ex- 
ercise while  under  conviction  of  sin,   until   he  cries 
out,  "  O  wretched  man  that  I  am,  who  shall  deliver 
rae  from  the  body  of  this  death."     He,  by  the  Gos- 
pel, learned  who  could  dehver,  and  says,  **  Thanks 
be   to  God   through   Jesus  Christ."      The  Gospel 
leaches   us   who  can  save   us ;  the  law  knows  no 


348 

mercy,  and  therefore,  teaches  no  salvation  :  and 
though  by  the  law  is  the  knowledge  of  sin  ;  yet  it  is 
the  Gospel  only  that  gives  us  the  knowledge  of  sal- 
vation, by  the  remission  of  sins,  through  faith  in  the 
Lord  Jesus  Christ.  Our  Apostle  having  learned  this 
salvation,  was  able  to  say  from  experimental  know- 
ledge, "  There  is,  therefore,  now  no  condemnation  to 
them  that  are  in  Christ  Jesus,"  &c.  "  For  the  law  of 
the  Spirit  of  life  in  Christ  Jesus,  hath  made  me  free 
from  the  law  of  sin  and  death."  But  for  my  Pres- 
byterian brethren  to  confound  liberty  from  sin  with 
bondage  to  sin,  is  an  inconsistency  that  learned 
men  ought  to  be  ashamed  of.  Though  I  am  far 
from  being  a  learned  man,  yet  I  am  so  much  ashamed 
of  their  inconsistency,  that  I  heartily  wish  I  had  no 
cause  to  reprove  it,  or  to  accuse  them  of  it. 

Having  taught  the  people  that  they  sin  in  all 
they  do,  even  in  their  best  prayers  ;  to  prove  it 
tliey  reasoned  thus  :  conviction  for  sin,  is  a  fruit  of 
the  Spirit,  because  it  is  written,  '^  He  shall  convince 
ike  world  of  sin^  Therefore,  if  wc  were  not  con- 
Tinced  that  we  committed  sin  in  our  most  solemn 
prayers,  we  did  not  bear  the  fruit  of  the  Spirit  of 
God  ;  but  if  we  were  sensible  that  we  comn)itied 
much  sin  in  our  prayers,  we  were  great  Christians^ 
and  in  a  good  way  to  live  long ;  for  they  said  we 
could  not  live  long  without  sin.  O  how  some  pitied 
me  for  my  delusion,  as  they  called  it ;  because  I  did 
not  profess  to  commit  sin.  I  had  said  that  1  lived 
without  sin,  and  lived  very  comfortably  without  it. — 
And  I  viewed  their  notions  and  reasons  as  a  delu- 


349  ^ 

sion,   and   told  them  so ;  not  being  a  learned  man 
myself  they  were  almost  angry.     Some  said  it   was 
insufferable.     But  they  had  no  law  to  whip  me  at  the 
tail  of  a  cart,   as   our   fathers  did  the  Baptists  and 
Quakers.     So   they  had   to   bear  it  as    patiently  as 
they  could.     Many  of  them   manifested  a  good  de- 
gree of  meekness,  and   this  I  viewed  to  be  a  fruit  of 
the  Spirit  of  God.     However,  1  did  not  believe  they 
sinned:  in  their  prayers  as  they  professed   to.     The 
text,  **  He   shall   convince   the  world  of  sin,"  they 
ought  to  know    cannot   apply    to  Christians  ;    they 
are   not  of  the  world.     If  a  Christian  commit  sin, 
he  thereby  changes  his  relation.     "  He  that  com- 
mitteth  sin  is  of  the  deviU^     Therefore,  their  mis- 
take arose  either  from  a  wrong  application  of  Scrip- 
ture, or  from  a  love  of  sin.     I  was  not  willinor  lo 
believe  that  they  opposed   perfection   because  they 
hated  it ;    and    to    say  it  was    because    they  were 
ignorant   of    the   true   sense  of  the  Scripture,  was 
mortifying    to    those    who    had    been    educated  in 
theological  institutions.      This    made  it  difficult   to 
get  along  smoothly,    and   give    no  offence  to  saint 
or   sinner.      I  often  thought  that  if  a  man  entered 
college   a  blockhead     he  would  come  out  a  block- 
head.     And  as  1  never   hew  blocks  with  a  razor, 
I  must  use  such  plain  speech  as  should  serve  for 
a  broad-axe,  to  dress    the   blockhead  as  well  as  I 
can,    and  make    him    ashamed  to  plead  for  sin  in 
Christians.     So  I  offended  some,  grieved  some,  and 
pleased  others,  and  some  stood  amazed  at  what  I 
said. 


350 


Tills  year  I  had  a  singular  dream.  I  thought 
that  the  judges  and  lawyers  of  the  county  had  as- 
sembled together,  and  I  was  brought  before  them  for 
trial  for  my  life.  I  thought  they  talked  among 
themselves,  and  said  something  I  could  not  under- 
stand. At  length,  one  said  to  the  judge,  "  your 
honor  must  pronounce  sentence  of  death  upon  him." 
The  judge  then  turned  to  me,  and  said,  "  you  are 
condemned  to  be  hanged ;  and  I  therefore  sentence 
you  to  be  hanged,  and  in  three  days  from  this,  the 
sheriff  must 'hang  you  by  the  neck  until  you  are 
dead  !  dead  !  I  And  may  God  Almighty  have  mercy 
on  your  soul  !"  He  then  whispered  to  the  other 
judges  and  some  lawyers,  and  turning  to  me,  said, 
"  you  are  at  liberty  to  go  any  where  in  this  town, 
for  three  days,  but  not  to  go  out  of  it  at  your  peril." 
I  said,  "  I  have  three  appointments  that  will  detain 
me  in  this  town  three  days,  but  when  I  have  attended 
them,  sir,  I  shall  leave  it  ;  as  to  your  orders,  I  dis- 
regard them  as  I  do  the  *  idle  wind' ;  therefore,  when 
I  have  attended  my  appointments,  I  shall  leave  the 
town,  unless  you  prevent  me  by  force."  I  then  left 
them,  but  I  soon  began  to  think  that  they  might  hang 
me,  and  after  I  was  dead,  report  me  to  have  been 
guilty  of  some  crime,  for  which  they  lawfully  con- 
demned me,  and  thereby  disgrace  the  Methodists  and 
my  family.  So  to  prevent  this,  I  sent  for  my  wife 
and  eldest  son,  that  I  might  inform  them  of  my  inno- 
cence, and  of  the  unjust  sentence  pronounced  against 
mo.  I  thought  my  wife  and  son  came  to  me  in  great 
haste,  just  before  the  sheriff  arrived  to  take  me  to  the 


w 


."551 


place  of  execution.  My  son  said,  "  father,  have 
you  petitioned  to  the  Governor  for  a  pardon  ?"  I 
said,  "  no."  *'  0,  father  !  why  didn't  you  ?"  I  said, 
"  I  am  not  guilty  of  any  crime,  and  therefore  I'll  ask 
pardon  of  no  man."  My  wife  said,  **  but  they  may 
take  your  life,  and  I  fear  they  will."  I  said,  *' well, 
my  dear,  it  is  but  to  die,  and  I  fear  not  death,  it  will 
be  a  consolation  to  vou  and  the  children,  to  know  that 
I  die  innocent."  Just  then,  while  we  were  talking, 
the  sheriff  came  to  carry  me  to  execution.  He  said 
to  me,  "you  have  but  one  hour  to  live,  sir."  I  said, 
"  my  wife  and  son  have  just  come  to  see  me,  and  I 
wish  to  talk  with  them  awhile."  He  said,  "  very 
well,"  and  turning  from  me,  he  went  to  the  judge 
and  lawyers,  who  I  perceived  were  standing  a  little 
way  off.  I  heard  him  say  to  them,  "  he  is  not  fright- 
ened in  the  least."  The  judge  said,  "ask  him  if  he 
don't  want  to  be  pardoned."  The  sheriff  then  turn- 
ed back,  and  asked  me.  I  said,  "  no,  I  have  not 
transgressed  any  laws,  and  T  ask  pardon  of  no  man  !" 
He  returned  and  informed  them.  The  judge  then 
said,  "  well,  tell  him  he  is  pardoned."  I  said  to  my 
wife,  "  this  thing  must  not  go  so,"  and  stepping  up 
to  the  judge,  I  said,  "  has  my  wife  or  son  asked  any 
pardon  forme?"  He  said,  "no."  "  Well,  how  is 
it,  sir,  you  have  condemned  me  without  stating  any 
crime,  and  I  declare  to  you,  and  to  all,  that  as 
I  have  not  sinned,  I  ask  no  pardort  at  your 
hands.  Why  have  you  condemned  me  without  first 
proving  me  guilty  ?  and  now  pardoned  me  without 
my  asking  for  it?"     He  said,  "  you  have  professed 


'  W*" 


ii 


\k 


352 

to  live  wiilioul  sin,  and  you  liave  preached  the  doc* 
trine  of  perfection  so  positively,  which  doctrine  we 
do  not  believe.     We   therefore    thought  if  we  con- 
demned you  to  be  hanged,  and   you  were  not  fright- 
ened, we  could  then  believe  in  the  doctrine,  as   we 
should  have  an  evidence  of  its  truth,  if  you  were  not 
afraid  to  die"     I  said,  "  you  would  have  believed  the 
doctrine  of  perfection  if  you  had  believed  the  Scrip- 
lure,  so  that  there  was  no  need  of  this  experiment  to 
obtain  the  knowledge  of  it ;  but  now  you  h«ve  put 
me  to  the  expense  and  trouble  of  sending  for  my  wife 
and  son  ;  therefore  I  think  you  ought  to  pay  the  cost 
you  have  put  me  to."     But  they  would  not   pay  any 
thing ;  no,  not  even  the   turnpike-gate  fees.     I  fell 
grieved.     My  son  said,  "  this  is  curious,  but  it  is  like 
ihe  other  treatment  you   have  received  ;  if  they  can 
obtain  knowledge,  they  care  not  how   much  trouble 
and  cost  they  put  you  to."     I   thought  sure  enough* 
men  seek  instruction,  but  they  are  not  willing  to  pay 
for  it.     So  I  awoke  very  happy  in  mind,  and  found  it 
was  a  dream.     But,  thought  I,  if  I  preach  the  neces- 
sity of  sin  to  the  people,  they  will  pay  all  my  expen- 
ses freely,  but  if  I  preach  perfection,  I  must  bear  my 
own  expenses. 

The  c'islom  of  the  Congregationalists  and  Bap- 
tists^  in  preaching  that  Christians  committed  sin  in 
all  they  did,  was  not  only  a  grief  to  me,  but  it  per- 
plexed me  very  much  at  times  ;  for  I  firmly  believ- 
ed that  many  of  them,  both  ministers  and  members, 
were  good  Christians,  but  they  were  always  preach- 
ing or  telling  how  wicked  they  were.     They  said 


u 


353 

they  sinned  in  thought,  word,  and  deed,  every  day  ; 
and  this  I  heard  again  and  again,  so  that  I  often 
felt  ashamed  for  them,  and  perplexed  to  know  how 
to  manifest  that  Christian  urbanity  and  fellowship 
that  constitutes  charity.  For,  if  what  they  say  of 
themselves  be  true,  they  are  verily  wicked  sinners  ; 
but  if  it  be  not  true,  they  lie  about  themselves,  or 
else  they  are  deceived.  I  sometimes  said  to  them, 
"  you  are  deceived."  But  this  offended  them,  and 
they  would  dispute  it  warmly.  Then  I  would  say, 
**  if  you  weie  to  talk  of  me  as  slanderously  as  you 
do  of  yourselves,  I  would  prosecute  you  in  the  civil 
law  for  slander.^* 

To  smooth  a  life  of  sin,  and  make  it  consistent 
with  Christianity,  seemed  to  me  at  times,  to  be  the 
ultimate  design  of  the  Calvinists  and  Universalists 
in  denying  perfection  and  moral  agency  ;  and  for 
this  reason  also,  they  deny  conditional  election. — 
But  it  is  possible  that  all  this  may  arise  from  mis- 
taken opinions  or  delusion.  We  pity  the  heathen 
who  perish  for  lack  of  knowledge.  But  who  among 
us,  know  their  sins  forgiven  '!  Is  it  those  who 
commit  sin  every  minute,  and  such  as  say  they  do 
not  know,  and  cannot  know  their  sins  forgiven  ? 
Verily  no  ;  but  if  they  cannot  know  this,  how  are 
they  better  than  heathen  ?  They  dance  and  gam- 
bol like  heathen,  and  say  to  God,  "  depart  from  us, 
we  desire  not  the  knowledge  of  thy  ways  !"  Job  xxi : 
14.  I  must  say,  O  the  times  !  O  the  manners  !  But 
1  hope  the  time  will  come  when  at  least  mea  of  can- 
dor will  be  ashamed  to  plead  for  sin  in  this  manner. 


35i 


^ 


I  am  encouraged  to  hope  for  this,  because  wiieii  one 
said   he  could  not  live  without  sin,  and  I  asked   him 
how  much  sin  would  keep  him  alive  ?  he  blushed  and 
appeared  to  be  ashamed  of  his  plea.     And  another 
who  said,   **  if  he  were  to  be  without  sin,  he  could  not 
stay  in  this  world  one  minute."     I  asked  him  ""*  where 
he  thought  he  would  go  to,  if  he  died  without  sin  ?" 
He  said  "  to  Heaven,    to  be  sure  !"     "  Well,"  said 
I,  "  would  you  commit  sin  for  the  sake   of  living  in 
this  world,  and  for  fear  you  should  die  suddenly,  and 
go  to  Heaven  ?"     He  blushed,  and  made  no  answer. 
I  was  glad  to  see  him  blush.     Such  things  strength- 
en my  hope  that  the  time   will   come,   when  people 
will  be  ashamed  of   such    pleas  for  sin.      But  as 
these    were   only   men    of    common   learning,    and 
as   I    have    never    known     men    professirjg    great 
learning,  and  who    held    this  doctrine,  to  blush,  it 
seemed  to  me    that    because    they  were  so   full  of 
words,  and  had  so  much  to  say,  that  they  had  no 
room    for   blushes.      And  as    words    are    arbitrary 
.  signs,  and    mean    just  what  the   learned  please    to 
have  them,  therefore,  they  would  often  say,  "you 
did  not  take  my  meaning,   sir."     When  they  said, 
unconditional  election,  I  supposed  they  meant,  there 
was    no    condition    in    the    covenant    of    electing 
grace.      And   when     they   said,     **  Christ   did   die 
for  all,    and  thai  he  did  not  die   for   all,"   I  con- 
sidered it   a  contradiction.      But   they   said.    *'  you 
don't  understand  my  meaning,  sir."     And  when  they 
said,  election  was  conditional,    and    it   was  not  con- 
ditional, I   considered   tliat   also  a   conlradiclion. — 


355 


But  they  would  say,  '*  you  don't  understand  my 
meaning,  sir."  I  was  sorry  that  I  had  not  learning 
enough  to  understand  their  meaning,  for  I  had  no 
doubt  but  they  were  honest  good  men,  and  had  a 
sacred  regard  for  truth.  Yes  ;  T  often  thought,  that 
they  had  so  sacred  a  regard  for  the  truth  in  itself, 
that  if  one  of  their  sons  or  servants  went  about 
the  neighborhood,  telling  as  contradictory  stories 
about  the  customs  and  fashions  of  the  neighbors,  as 
they  did  about  God  and  Christianity,  they  would 
flog  him  for  a  liar.  But  if  they  knew  that  their 
child  had  been  led  to  the  belief  of  what  he  said,  by 
the  instruction  of  an  artful,  cunning  man,  who  was 
capable  of  instilling  a  belief  of  his  stories  into  the 
mind  of  the  child  without  the  child's  perceiving  the 
falsehood,  he  would  not  whip  him  for  a  liar,  but  he 
would  pity  him  as  I  do  those  ministers  who  have 
been  to  colleges  and  theological  seminaries,  where 
the  presidents  and  professors  had  the  faculty  of  in- 
stilling the  principles  of  Calvinism  into  the  minds  of 
their  pupils  without  their  knowing  it. 

And  therefore,  when  the  dear  simple  good  man 
comes  from  the  college  or  semmary,  a  candidate 
for  the  ministry,  by  the  by,  with  instructions  not  to 
preach  up  doctrines ;  but  to  preach  as  nearly  like 
lhe"Meihodists  as  he  can;, and  yet  to  be  sure  and 
hold  these  Calvinistic  sentiments  as  their  great  em- 
porium of  Divine  theology,  though  it  is  not  intended 
by  them  to  deceive,  but  to  please  the  people  for  their 
good  to  edification  ;  yet  I  pity  that  kind  of  minis- 
ters, for  they  are  straitened  like  one  that  has  its  go  two 


If 


l.i 


i     < 


356 


1.1 


l;i' 


it 


ways  at  once  i  ihey  mean  well,  but  they  seem  to  be 
meddling  with  things  that  are  too  high  for  them. 
Though  as  I  was  not  a  man  of  learning,  and  did  not 
understand  their  meaning,  I  concluded  I  must  never 
judge  any  one  without  mercy.  They  might  mean 
more  than  they  expressed,  and  something  better. 
Bui  for  fear  they  should  at  some  unguarded  time, 
speak  contrary  to  what  they  meant,  I  proclaimed  the 
words  of  Homer,  an  old  heathen  poet.  **  He  who 
speaks  contrary  to  what  he  means,  ought  to  be  held 
a  common  enemy,  and  hated  as  the  gates  of  hell." 

0  how  this  sounded  in  New  England  ;  some  thought 

1  was  a  learned  man,  because  I  quoted  an  old 
author,  who  wrote  in  what  is  called  a  dead  language  ; 
but  to  undeceive  them,  I  told  them  I  read  it  in  an 
English  book.  **  Well,"  said  they,  *'  you  have  got  a 
good  memory."  O  learning  !  thou  sweet  handmaid 
of  the  human  mind  !  How  flauntingly  thou  art  dress- 
ed up  by  some,  who  worship  thee  as  a  goddess  and 
expose  thy  emptiness.  But  "  wisdom  hath  buildcd 
her  house,  and  hewn  out  her  seven  pillars,"  while 
thy  temples  are  airy  castles,  desirable  in  the  eyes  of 
those  who  love  fulsome  praise.  But  wisdom  is  the 
principal  thing ;  her  seven  pillars  represent  to  me, 
the  seven  cardinal  doctrines  of  the  Gospel :  there- 
fore, 0  my  soul,  build  thou  on  those  seven  pillars. 
The  first,  is  the  doctrine  of  the  fall  of  man  by  sin. 
Second,  redemption  by  the  death  and  blood  of  Jesus 
Christ.  Third,  repentance  and  faith.  Fou|:th,justi- 
fication  by  faith.  Fifth,  perseverance  in  love,  and 
sanctification  or  perfection.     Sixth,  the  resurrection 


*r» 


357 


of  the  body.     Seventh,   the  general  judgment,  and 
rewards  and  punishments. 

These  are  my  seven  cardinal  doctrines  ;  the  pil- 
lars of  my  spiritual  house.  On  these  I  have  firm 
foot  hold.  I  preach  as  well  as  I  can,  to  convince  all, 
that  first,  man  by  nature  is  sinful  and  lost.  Second, 
by  grace  he  is  redeemed  and  restored  to  agency  and 
life.  Third,  repentance  and  faith  are  required  of 
every  one.  Fourth,  the  Lord  forgiveth  him  or  her 
that  believelh  in  Jesus.  Fifth,  pardon  opens  heaven 
to  the  soul ;  and  to  persevere  in  love,  ensures  a  re- 
ward of  happiness.  Sixth,  though  death  may  triumph 
over  this  mortal  body  awhile,  yet  Christ  will  come, 
and  death  shall  be  destroyed.  This  mortal  shall  put 
on  immortality,  and  the  saints  will  sing,  "  O  death, 
where  is  thy  sting  !  O  grave,  where  is  thy  victory  !" 
Thanks  be  to  God  through  Jesus  Christ.  Seventh, 
the  Judge  will  say  to  the  righteous,  **  come  ye  bless- 
ed," and  to  the  wicked,  "  go  ye  cursed."  Then  will 
all  see  the  difference  between  the  righteous  and  the 
wicked  ;  between  him  that  serveth  God,  and  him 
that  serveth  him  not.  O  my  God,  help  me  to  pro- 
claim. 


'rl 


*'  Jesus  ttie  name  high  over  all, 

In  hell,  or  earth,  or  sky, 
Angels  and  men  before  it  fall, 

And  devils  fear  and  fly." 

But  I  found  Calvinists  and  Universalists  opposed  to 
the  doctrines  that  proved  man  to  be  a  moral  agent, 
or  capable  of  complying  with  the  condition  of  salva- 
tion.   Therefore,  good  works  or  faith,  as  far  as  it  is 


I 


^ 


358 


ii^ 


W 


P 


an  act  of  the  creature,  must  be  preached  down  by 
ihem.     Some  spoke  sneeringly  of  it,  and  labored  and 
sweat  hard  sometimes,  to  guard  their  people  against 
the  erroneous  notion  of  believing  that  works  or  faith 
were    a  condition    of  salvation.     The  Calvinists  in 
New  England,    or  more    properly,  Hopkinsians,  or 
Congregalionalists    or   Presbyterians  (for  they  seem 
to  be  each  and  every  one  of  these,  so  if  one  name 
won't  do  they  can  have  two,  or  three,  or  four)  some- 
times preach  like  the  Methodists,  and  some  good  has 
been  done  while  they  continued  it,  without  contradict- 
ing themselves. — But  it  seemed  they  were  for  having 
a  *'  streak  of  lean  and  a  streak  of  fat"  to  feed  their 
people  with.     And  therefore,  they  would   introduce 
a  little  Calvinism  slyly  in  soft  words  ;  but  instead  of 
making  it  better,  they  made  their  preaching  quite  un- 
savory.   But  some,  not  very  ingenious,  would  preach 
in   one  part  of  a  sermon  that  man  hath  an  ability  to 
come  to  Christ,  and  in  the  other  part  say  he  hath  not 
an  ability  to  come  to  Christ ;  he  hath  a  will  endued 
with  natural  freedom,  and  vet  it  is  not  free  ;  for  ac- 
cording  to  the  Sayhrook  Platform^  the  "  will  is  na- 
tur  ally  free. ^^     But  according  to  the  Congregational 
theology,  this  same  will  is  under  the  control  of  a  mo- 
ral inability,  which  supposes  a  total  absence  of  free 
volition.     It  is  the  sinner's  fault,  they  would  say,  if 
he  does  not  come  to  Christ,  and  yet  he  cannot  come, 
because  the    Lord   does  not  draw  him  quite   hard 
enough.     Christ  died  for  all,  and  yet  he  did  not  die 
for  all.     At  one  time  they  deny  holding  to  the  doc- 
trine of  unconditional  election,  and  in  other  company, 


359 


they  declare  that  election  is  unconditional.  Tlien 
accuse  them  of  a  contradiction,  and  they  will  say, 
"you  did  not  lake  my  meaning,  sir."  But  Univer- 
salists  stick  to  unconditional  election,  and  utterly 
deny  any  condition  in  it.  Therefore,  they  seem 
to  be  more  consistent.  How  they  will  extol  Christ 
as  a  mighty  Saviour  !  They  say  he  died  for  all,  and 
they  have  Scripture  to  prove  it ;  yes,  and  to  save  all 
he  died  for  is  the  work  of  God,  who  dare  deny  this  ? 
I  dare  not.  But,  I  would  ask,  how  does  God  save 
sinners?  They  would  answer,  **  by  giving  his  Son 
to  die  for  them,  and  he  has  promised  to  give  him  the 
heathen,  and  the  uttermost  parts  of  the  earth  for  his 
possession,  and  the  promises  of  God  are  yea  and 
amen.  And  therefore  he  will  do  it."  But,  I  ask,  is 
there  no  condition  required  of  the  creature  ?  They 
will  say  no,  the  covenant  was  with  Christ,  and  he 
fulfilled  the  condition  of  it  for  the  creatures.  O  how 
they  will  insist  upon  such  texts  as  these,  "  As  I  live, 
saiih  the  Lord,  I  have  no  pleasure  in  the  death  of  the 
wicked,''  Ezek.  xxxiii.  11.  "Who  will  have  all 
men  to  be  saved."--l  Tim.  ii.  4.  "God  worketh 
all  things  after  the  counsel  of  his  will.'" — Ephes.  i. 
1 1 .  Then  they  expatiate  on  the  will  and  pleasure  of 
God,  and  say  a  great  man  ygood  things,*and  leave 
out  a  great  many  more  ;  with  a  design  to  impress  the 
mind  with  a  belief  that  God  must  do  all  that  is  to  be 
done  to  save  sinners,  just  as  though  it  was  no  part  of 
the  will  of  God  that  men  should  repent,  and, be  Ireed 
from  sin  in  this  world  through  faith  in  Christ  as  a 
condition  of  their  eternal  salvation.     This  doctrine  of 


» 


360 

conditional  election  troubles  them  more  than  their 
sins  do.  Condition  !  !  Slop,  Universalist,  don't  run, — 
condition  T  say ;  hear  it,  and  think  of  it !  If  it  be  a 
truth  that  God  in  working  all  things  that  he  has 
wrought,  did  make  a  condition  in  the  covenant  of  his 
grace  with  men,  after  the  counsel  of  his  own  will,  you 
deceive  yourselves,  by  not  fulfilling  the  condition  on 
your  part,  in  this  day  of  your  probation.  But  if  it  be 
truth,  that  there  is  no  condition,  then  you  are  almost 
as  right  as  a  Deist,  and  neither  so  right  as  the  devil. 
But  if  there  is  a  covenant  of  grace  with  man,  ordain- 
ed in  the  hands  of  a  Mediator,  and  that  covenant  con- 
tains a  condition  for  the  creature  to  fulfil,  then  you 
and  the  devil  are  found  in  rebellion  against  God.  But 
r  believe  there  is  a  condition,  and  Universalists  do 
not.  Therefore,  we  are  not  agreed.  Universalism 
has  grown  out  of  Calvinism,  and  is  quite  an  improve- 
ment of  that  doctrine,  inasmuch  as  it  dashes  out  re- 
probation altogether,  and  allows  the  Almighty  to  de- 
cree the  eternal  happiness  of  all  his  creatures,  devils 
and  all ;  and  to  make  it  easy  for  them  there  is  noth- 
ing for  them  to  do  as  a  condition  of  their  salvation, 
Christ  has  done  all,  and  made  their  salvation  sure  ; 
as  to  sin,  it  is  a  kind  of  profitable  evil,  that  does  not 
hurt  God  at  all,  nor  endanger  the  salvation  of  any  one 
for  whom  Christ  died.  Whoever  believes  this  with- 
out any  doubt,  is  just  as  happy  as  though  it  were 
true.  A  belief  in  an  opinion,  and  a  belief  jn  Christ, 
are  two  things  :  Jacob  believed  the  lies  of  his  sons, 
in  the  case  of  Joseph,  and  it  caused  grief — so  believ- 
ing a  lie  about  going  to  heaven  will  create  joy.     And 


361 

while  Calvinists  and  Universalists  deny  the  condi- 
tions of  salvation  by  grace,  for  the  sake  of  maintain- 
ing eternal  decrees,  respecting  unconditional  election, 
I  must  view  them  as  persons  deceived  in  their  opin- 
ions. And  their  pleading  for  sin,  and  preaching 
against  good  works,  as  they  have  done,  render  them 
suspicious  characters.  It  is  not  wisdom  to  extol 
mercy  at  the  expense  of  justice  ;  and  it  is  impious 
to  trifle  with  the  justice  either  of  God  or  man.  Uni- 
versalists so  extol  the  mercy  and  power  of  God,  that 
they  exclude  all  punishment,  and  all  retributive  jus- 
tice. It  is  trifling  with  common  sense  to  suppose  the 
sufferings  of  this  present  life,  and  the  death  of  the 
body  only,  is  all  the  punishment  impenitent  sinners 
are  to  receive  as  their  reward  for  wickedness  :  and 
trifling  with  common  sense  or  justice,  is  a  sure  mark 
of  dishonesty.  If  there  he  no  future  punishment  of 
the  wicked,  and  their  suff*erings  in  this  life  are  all 
that  is  meant  by  punishment  for  sin,  then  there  can 
be  no  retributive  justice ;  for  the  righteous  are  as 
really  punished  for  righteousness,  inasmuch  as  they 
suffer  for  righteousness'  sake,  as  the  wicked  are  for 
wickedness.  Besides,  this  trifling  with  common  justice 
and  sense,  represents  civil  rulers  as  the  most  ungodly 
set  of  beings  that  ever  existed  ;  for  they  punish  men 
for  crimes ;  some  with  imprisonment  for  life,  some 
they  hang.  If  they  were  like  the  Universalists' ^oc?, 
they  would  forgive  them  all,  and  put  them  into  posts 
of  honor  ;  but  they  are  not  like  such  a  god  ;  there- 
fore they  are  ungodly, 

16 


I 


•^ 


! 


c    ^i 


■'i 


i'! 

t 

i 


362 

1  hope  ihe  Universalisls  will  not  be  angry  with  me 
for  exposing  them  as  triflers  with  justice  and  common 
lense,  so  as  to  damn  me,  as  they  do  others  that  do 
not  please  them.  But  triflers  are  always  inconsis- 
tent, therefore  I  have  no  confidence  in  them  or 
their  god,  while  they  trifle  with  justice. 

Calvinism  in  New  England,  as  displayed  by  Con- 
gregationalists  and  Hopkinsian  Baptists,  was  to  my 
mind  like  Pandora's  box,  full  of  all  manner  of  evils, 
with  hope  at  the  bottom.     They  preached  a  little  of 
every  thing,  good,  bad,  and  indifferent  ;  but  their  mo- 
tives I  believed  were  good.     However,  their  profes- 
sing to  commit  so  much  sin,  even  in  their  most  holy 
things,  puzzled  me  sometimes  to  know  whether  they 
were  professors   of  sin  or  of  religion  ;  and   a   little 
pious  fraud   was  not  considered  any  more  sinful  by 
some,  than  dancing.     Some  expressed  an  opinion  that 
they  could  dance  without  sin,  though  they  could  not 
pray  without  sin.     So  a  little  pious  fraud  in  preach- 
ing up  the  doctrines  of  the  Methodists,  when  they 
wanted  to  proselyte  or  share  a  part  of  the  benefit  of  a 
revival  of  religion  among  the  Methodists  was  no  sin  ; 
or  rather  their  consciences  told  them  that  it  was  no 
harm  to  claim  and  publish  a  revival  of  religion  as  the 
fruit  of  their  own  labors,   when  it   was   manifestly 
through  the  labors  of  others.     1  saw  many  instances 
of  this,  and  I  was  frequently  grieved  on  reading  re- 
ligious newspapers  and  'magazines,  containing  their 
accounts  of  revivals  of  religion  in  places  where  I 
knew  all  about   them  ;  but  I  apologized  for  them  as 
well  as  1  could.     I  often  thought,  if  I  was  sinking  I 


363 

should  catch  at  straws  too,  and  if  pursued  hard  by  an 
enemy,  I  also  might  run  into  some  filthy  place  to  hide 
myself.  But  this  would  not  do.  The  question  is, 
how  would  you  conduct  yourself  if  you  had  pronoun- 
ced a  sect  of  ministers,  wolves,  or  only  nominal* 
ministers,  and  yet  saw  that  those  ministers  were  evi- 
dently owned  of  God,  and  instrumental  in  the  conver- 
sion of  souls  ?  Well,  thinks  I,  this  would  be  a  hard 
question,  if  I  had  no  religion,  or  if  I  were  a  minister 
that  had  no  fruit  of  my  own  labors.  But  as  that  is 
not  my  case,  I  can  answer  it  like  an  honest  man,  and 
not  catch  at  straws.  I  would  confess  I  had  been 
mistaken  in  my  opinion  of  them,  and  say  to  them, 
brethren,  forgive  my  former  mistaken  notion  of  you, 
and  let  me  have  your  right  hand  of  fellowship  and 
your  prayers.  Some  individuals  of  the  standing  or- 
der in  New  England,  have  done  this  towards  the 
Methodists,  but  it  has  not  been  done  by  the  associa- 
tions officially.  However,  it  seems  the  learned  min- 
isters in  this  land  of  steady  habits,  have  such  respect 
to  Calvinistic  doctrines,  and  the  Methodists  are  so  op- 
posed to  the  least  dreg  of  them,  that  they  say  we  are 
not  sound  in  the  faith  ;  besides,  we  preach  the  wit- 
ness of  the  Spirit,  or  the  knowledge  of  salvation  by 
the  remission  of  sins,  which  they  very  properly  call 
an  assurance  of  faith ;  but  they  notwithstanding  deal 
out  this   doctrine  very    sparingly.     Few,  very  few, 


♦  Rev.  Mr.  Bcecher's  address  by  order  of  the  Charitable  So- 
ciety. 


i 


I 


'^^^1 


i 


SI' 


I  2L 


\^ 


864 

according  to  ihem,  ever  attain  to  this  knowledge  ; 
and  as  they  (the  ministers)  have  been  to  college,  and 
yet  have  not  attained  it,  therefore  it  is  rather  presump- 
tuous for  common  kind  of  people  even  to  expect, 
much  more  to  profess  it.  But  the  Methodists  also 
preach  Christian  perfection  and  a  possibility  of  fall- 
ing from  grace,  and  these  doctrines  are  so  contrary 
to  their  notions,  that  they  will  not  ask  for  the  right 
hand  of  fellowship  just  yet. 

I  often  asked  myself,  would  the  Methodists  doc- 
trines of  assurance  and  perfection,  be  denied  by  the 
ministers   in  New  England,  if  it  were  not  that  they 
have  formed  erroneous  notions  of  the  true  character 
of  God  ?     I  think  not.     I  apprehend  that  their  no- 
tions of  unconditional   election,  and  infallible  perse- 
verance have  blinded  their  minds.  Would  they  teach 
that  sin  must  and  will  possess  Christians  during  the 
term  of  life,  if  they  believed  that  the  blood  of  Jesus 
Christ  cleanseth  from  all  sin  ?     No  !  and  to  be  clean- 
sed from  all  sin,  is  perfection.     To  love  the   Lord 
with  all  the  heart,  is  also  perfection.     The  perfection 
contended  for  by  the  Methodists,  and  taught  us  in  the 
Scripture,  is  not  a  perfection  in  knowledge,  nor  the 
perfection  of  angels,  who  are  in  a  state  in  which  they 
cannot  sin ;  but  the  perfection  of  men  in  a  state  of 
probation  and  moral   agency.     It  is  a  reconciliation 
with  God,  and  such  a  conformity  to  him  as  the  Gos- 
pel requires.     They  can  commit  sin,   but  they  need 
not.     Such  is  the  deliverance  of  the  soul  from  sin, 
that  sin  has  not  dominion  over  it.     I  cannot  believe 
they  preach  against  this  perfection  because  they  hate 


f 


t 


365 

it.  or  plead  for  sin  because  they  love  it ;  but  they 
don't  see  into  it,  their  candle  is  put  out.  The  extin- 
guisher on  the  wick,  is  their  notion  of  divine  sov- 
ereignty, or  unconditional  election.  Now  faith  in 
the  all-purifying  blood  of  Jesus  Christ  would  light 
up  their  candle,  but  not  with  the  extinguisher  on   it. 

1  trust  they  will  not  be  oflfended  with  me  if  I  remind 
them  of  the  expediency  of  removing  the  said  extin- 
guisher. 

To  teach  and  believe  that  there  is  no  condition, 
destroys  the  obligation  of  faith  and  obedience.  If  the 
civil  powers  in  New  England  did  not  particularly 
countenance  and  support  those  teachers,  would  learn- 
ed men  preach  the  doctrine  as  essential  to  salvation 
as  some  have  done  ?  No  ;  I  presume  not.  Truth 
is  mighty.  Let  the  truth  have  fair  play,  and  not 
trammel  it  with  legislative  partiality  and  influence, 
and  let  those  who  preach,  preach  the  truth  without 
disguise,  like  the  Apostle  who  said,  **  We  are  not  as 
many  which  corrupt  the  word  of  God,"  &c.,  2  Cor. 
ii.  17.     **  Nor  handling  the  word  of  God  deceitfully,*' 

2  Cor.  iv.  2.  Like  the  Apostle,  let  ministers  preach 
Jesus  Christ,  and  him  crucified,  and  sure  I  am  that 
they  will  not  preach  unconditional  election  and  re- 
probation. Conditional  is  the  opposite  of  uncondi- 
tional. The  same  thing  cannot  be  both  conditional 
and  unconditional,  because  one  contradicts  the  other ; 
and  I  defy  any  one  to  believe  that  both  sides  of  a 
contradiction  can  be  true.  If  one  says  he  does  be- 
lieve thus,  it  only  proves  his  consummate  ignorance 
of  him«elf,  and  that  he  opposes  both  reason  and  the 


366 


I 


I 


true  sense  of  Scripture.  Confusion  is  the  badge  of 
error,  and  the  mind  gets  confused  when  it  embraces 
contradictory  ideas,  or  ideas  that  have  not  a  due 
weight  of  evidence  to  prove  them  reasonable. 

That  the  Methodists  have  been  instrumental  in  do- 
ing good,  is  not  denied  by  many  that  are  Calviiiists. 
One  eminent  writer,  speaking  of  the  Methodists,  says, 
**  as  to  their  succe^  in  doing  good,  it  is  evident,  that 
though  many  ignorant  enthusiasts  have  been  found 
among  them,  yet  no  people  have  done  more  to  mo- 
ralize mankind   than   they  ;  nor   have  they   rested 
there  ;  they  have  not  only  contributed  to  render  thou- 
sands better  members  of  society,  but  have  been  the 
instruments  of  promoting  their  spiritual  and  eternal 
interests.     By  simplicity  of  language,  fervor  of  ad- 
dress, patience  in  opposition,  unweariedness  in  labor, 
piety  of  conduct,  and  dependence  on  Almighty  God, 
they  certainly  have  been  the  means  of  doing  as  much, 
or  more  real  good  than  any  other  denomination  what- 
ever."    Another  shrewd  writer,  who  cannot  be  sus- 
pected of  Methodism,  very  justly  says  of  them,  *'that 
these  people  have,  in  the  last  fifty  years,  instructed 
more  of  the  lower  orders  of  people  in  the  obligations 
of  Christianity,  and  have  called  more  from  gross  vice 
to  piety  and   virtue,  than  the  church  has  ever  done 
since  the  reformation  ;  while  at  the  same   lime  they 
have  not  cost  the  government  one  farthing,  but  have 
been  treated  with  insult  and  contempt." 

I  trust  the  time  will  come,  when  some  will  not 
only  acknowledge  that  we  have  not  only  instructed 
the  lower  orders  of  people,  but  that  we  have  also  in- 


867 

structed  many  of  the  high  orders,  and  even  prevented 
many  of  the  clergy  from  preaching  contradictory  sen- 
timents in  their  sermons  ;  in  consequence  of  which 
many  have  been  reformed. 

But  I  must  draw  this  narrative  to  a  close,  though 
I  have  not  recorded  all  the  important  events,  nor 
given  ray  views  of  all  the  matters  and  things  that 
transpired  ;  yet  I  must  come  to  a  close,  or  I  shall 
swell  the  cost  to  be  more  than  1  have  promised  the 
book  for.  But  I  have  still  many  interesting  events 
that  I  might,  and  possibly  may  publish,  in  another 
volume.  I  travelled  Chatham  circuit  in  1818,  where 
we  had  a  good  revival  of  religion,  and  many  inter- 
esting events  transpired.  I  was  then  appointed  to 
the  city  of  New  York,  where  I  labored  from  June, 
1819,  to  the  last  of  May,  1821.  Here  I  ruptured 
a  blood-vessel  while  preaching  in  Forsyth-Street 
Church.  After  this,  I  was  appointed  to  Petersburgh 
circuit,  where  I  labored  one  year,  and  the  blessing 
of  God  attended  my  labors  in  some  good  degree, 
but  I  suffered  much  from  weakness  and  the  affection 
of  my  lungs ;  though  I  preached  with  as  much  mode- 
ration as  I  could  :  I  felt  myself  worn-down.  It  was 
my  design  to  ask  for  a  superannuated  relation  at  the 
next  conference,  but  my  presiding  elder  desired  me 
to  continue  effective,  at  least  so  as  to  fill  the  station 
in  Dalton  ;  and  my  desire  also  was  to  continue  in 
some  easy  station,  in  hopes  I  might  recover  my  health, 
and  not  entirely  break  down.  But  all  seemed  in  vain, 
my  labors  in  Dalton,  though  moderate,  frequently 
brought  on  an  inflammation  of  my  lungs.     Where- 


|: 


I. 


in 


368 

fore,  at  the  next  conference,  I  asked  for  a  superannu- 
ated station,  in  hopes  by  abstaining  from  preaching 
awhile,  I  might  recover  so  as  to  preach  and  labor  as 
formerly.  To  do  good  is  my  most  ardent  desire  ; 
and  while  I  live,  I  design  to  witness  for  my  Lord  ; 
that  by  faith  I  am  justified,  and  by  grace  I  have  a 
faith  to  live  holy,  and  serve  God  in  spirit  and  in 
truth.  Though  I  have  but  little  religion,  yet  that  little 
enables  me  to  triumph  in  the  Lord.  I  fear  not  death, 
hell,  or  the  devil,  for  I  have  reverently  thrown  myself 
under  the  wings  of  the  cherubim  before  the  mercy 
seat.  This  is  my  city  of  refuge,  and  my  abiding 
place,  so  that  I  know  in  whom  I  have  believed,  even 
in  Jesus,  the  name  all  precious  to  believers.  And  it 
is  my  desire  and  design — 

"  His  only  righteousness  to  show, 

His  saving  truth  proclaim, 
Tis  all  my  business  here  below, 

To  cry,  •  behold  the  Lamb !' 

Happy,  if  with  my  latest  breath 

I  may  but  gasp  his  name, 
Preach  him  to  all,  and  cry  in  death, 

*  Behold  !  behold  the  Lamb  !'  *' 


SND    OF  FIRST   EDITION. 


i 


i 


CHAPTER  XVII 


The  abtruse  subject  of  metaphysics,  I  found,  was 
generally  rendered  perplexing,  by  the  ambiguity  of 
certain  words,  the  writer  would  introduce,  and  though 
the  word  had  a  variety  of  definitions,  the  writer 
would  fix  on  the  one  that  best  suited  his  purpose. 
The  doctrine  of  fate,  or  that  God  had  decreed  what- 
soever comes  to  pass,  was  in  my  view  the  most  erro- 
neous. I  found  the  Deists  and  Universalists  believ- 
ed the  doctrine  a»  firmly  as  the  Calvinists  did,  and 
from  the  doctrine  they  drew  a  different  conclusion 
from  that  of  the  Calvinists.  The  Deist  would  not 
believe  the  Scripture,  nor  man's  accountability  to 
God,  so  as  to  endanger  his  future  state  of  happiness. 
As  he  had  decreed  all  events,  there  could  be  no  such 
a  thing  as  sin,  as- man  could  do  nothing  contrary  to 
God's  decree.  Therefore,  they  conclude  that  there 
is  no  piinishment  after  death,  and  the  Bible  was  all 
priestcraft  to  frighten  ignorant  people. 

The  foundation  of  their  arguments,  to  prove  that 
**  God  had  decreed  whatsoever  comes  to  pass,"  was 
founded  on  the  fact  that  God  foreknew  all   things. 

16* 


i 


> 


■|w* 


•& 


370 

This  I  never  denied,  but  for  years  the  subject  en- 
grossed my  altenlion.  In  1797,  in  answer  to  a  ques- 
tion the  Calvinist^  often  proposed,  viz.,  "Did  not  God 
foreknow  that  Adam  .u;ow/c/ fall  ?'*  led  me  at  that 
time  to  note  and  write  down  the  arguments  they  used, 
and  the  views  I  embraced  of  this  all-important  sub- 
ject, which  will  be  seen  in  the  following  chapters. 
I  have  given  credit  to  some  authors  by  inverted  com- 
mas to  whom  I  am  indebted  for  many  arguments. 
But  as  some  arguments  I  altered  to  suit  my  own  views 
of  the  subject,  I  have  not  so  designated  ;  desiring 
to  clothe  the  subject  in  the  plainest  manner  I  could, 
and  make  what  was  perplexing  plain  to  the  reader. 

The  subject  of  Divine  foreknowledge  was  fre- 
quently alluded  to  by  the  Calvinisls,  whether  Pres- 
byterians, Baptists,  or  Universalists,  to  prove  their 
doctrine,  that  **  God  had  decreed  whatsoever  comes 
to  pass."  I  found  they  were  particular  to  affirm,  thai 
"  God  knew  certainly  and  eternally ^  all  **  that  would 
come  to  pass,  by  his  own  agency,  and  also  by  the 
agency  of  his  creatures  ;  and  this  certain  knowledge 
of  future  events  precluded  all  contingency,  or  possi- 
bility of  failure,  and  therefore,  it  was  the  same  as  a 
decree,  or  it  implied  a  decree."  This  mode  of  argu- 
ing was  calculated  to  confound  all  that  objected  lo 
their  doctrines  of  decrees  ;  for  no  one  was  willing  to 
deny  that  God  knew  all  things.  I  therefore  paid 
close  attention  to  this  subject.  At  first  they  said, 
**  God  could  not  know  certain  whether  an  event 
would  happen  unless  he  had  decreed  it."  To  which  I 
replied)  **  if  God  could  not  know  unless  he  had  de- 


1^ 


371 


creed,  then  before  he  decreed  he  was  ignorant,  and 
how  can  an  ignorant  being  decree  things  wisely  ?" 
Another  mode  of  expressing  their  doctrine  was,  by 
asking,  "  did  not  God  foreknow  that  Adam  would 
fall  r     I  answered,  "  not  so."     "  What,"  said  they, 
****  do  you  deny  the  foreknowledge  of  God  ?"     "  No. 
I  believe    that  God   foreknew   that  Adam  could  (or 
might)  fall."  "  Well,  what  is  the  difference  ?"  "Why, 
sir,  the  difference  is  this,  would  fall,  implies  certain- 
ty, and  might  fall,  implies  contingency''     "  Well," 
they  weuld  ask,  "  do   you  not   believe   that  God's 
knowledge   is    certain   knowledge?"     "Yes,  sir,  I 
believe  that  God  knew  certain  that  Adam  might  fall, 
therefore  he  admonished  him,  and  God  knew  certain 
that  he  might  not  fall.     But  if,  as  you  say,  that  he 
knew  certain  that  he  would  fall,  he  could  not  know 
certain  that  he  would  not  fall.     He  knows  every  thing 
as  it  is  in  fact."     Some  would  answer,  "Well,  you 
are  right,  this  is  a  new  idea,  and  a  very  consistent 
one."     At  another  time,  I  would  ask,  "  Does  not  all 
knowledge  in  God  or  man  imply  actual  existence  ?" 
For  instance,  non-existence  is  what  we  call  nothing ; 
and  what  will  not  certainly  exist,  is  nothing,  and  what 
cannot  possibly  exist,  we  call  nothing,   and  to  know 
nothing  is  no  knowledge  at  all.     To  know  what  will 
certainly  exist,  or  what  can  possibly  exist  in  future, 
is  what  we  call   foreknowledge,  and   to  know  what 
will  certainly  exist  in  future,  may  imply  a  decree  in 
some  cases,  as  certainty  and  necessity  are  cognate 
ideas,  or  related  to  each  other.     So  also  are  possibil- 
ity, contingency,  and  freedom,  related  to  each  other, 


ii 


I 


f 

.t 


r. 


^h 


I 


372 

the  one  implies  ihe  other."  But  after  awhile,  I  found 
some  that  believed  that  contingent  events  were 
known  to  be  as  certain  as  those  events  that  were 
decreed,  and  yet  they  were  contingent.  I  confess 
this  was  the  most  diflScult  subject  I  had  met  with.  I 
then  examined  the  arguments  from  the  best  authors 
on  the  subject  of  certainty,  and  contrasted  them  with 
the  arguments  for  contingency,  that  I  had  met  with, 
and  I  am  confident  it  will  be  interesting  and  profitable 
to  the  reader  to  peruse  tliem  carefully. 

It  would  seem  that  no  weight  should  be  given  to 
the  arguments  of  the  Calvinists,  namely,  that  "God 
did  not  know  that  an  event  would  certainly  transpire 
unless  he  had  decreed  it,"  inasmuch  as  he  did  not 
know  certain  until  he  had  decreed,  which  would 
argue  that  he  was  ignorant  before  he  had  decreed. 
But  you  will  notice  that  certainty  in  their  view  im- 
plies necessity,  and  as  an  eflect  cannot  exist  without 
a  cause  and  without  an  existence  it  is  nothing:,  and  to 
know  nothing  is  no  knowledge.  But  if  the  cause 
existed  in  the  Divine  decree,  the  effect  was  certain. 
But  I  considered  the  cause  of  all  moral  actions  to 
exist  in  the  creature,  that  possessed  moral  agency  or 
freedom  to  act.  He  therefore  might  obey  or  disobey 
the  command  of  God  :  his  obedience  or  disobedience 
was  a  contingency.  The  one  was  no  more  certain 
than  the  other  until  they  existed. 

In  reading  my  Bible,  I  found  that  those  prophecies 
of  certain  events  that  would  come  to  pass,  such  as 
the  coming  of  the  Messiah,  and  the  destruction  of 
Babylon,  the  birth  of  Cyrus,  and  the  destruction  of 


373 

Jerusalem,  were  all  decreed  :  as  also  the  rejection  of 
the  Jews,  and  calling  of  the  Gentiles.  But  some 
prophecies  were  on  conditions,  and  though  the  condi- 
tion was  not  always  expressed,  yet  it  was  implied,  as 
in  the  case  of  Nineveh.  Jonah  the  prophet  was 
angry,  when  he  saw  that  his  prophecy  was  not  cer- 
tainly fulfilled. 

My  mind  having  been  deeply  impressed  with  the 
subject  of  foreknowledge,  called  prescience^  I  read 
many  authors,  and  no  one  author  that  I  could  fully 
agree  with,  until  I  met  with  an  extract  on  foreknow 
ledge,  in  Mr.  Wesley's  American  Magazine,  ninth 
volume.  With  that  I  fully  agree.  I  shall  here  in- 
sert the  words  of  that  author,  and  then  some  of  the 
best  arguments  from  other  authors  that  I  have  met 
with,  as  well  as  mv  own. 

Extract  from  Mr,  Wesley^ s  Magazine, 

"It  is  true,  that  God  by  his  own  Omnipresence, 
sees  necessarily  all  that  is  ;  because  all  things  lie 
open  and  bare  before  him.  But  this  can  be  said  only 
of  what  is  already  existent^  necessary  dnd  inevita- 
ble, and  not  of  what  is  contingent,  possible  and  free; 
because  there  is  no  reality  existent  in  matters  purely 
possible,  that  can  he  the  object  of  the  Divine  percep- 
tion. When  God,  therefore,  forms  the  idea  of  a  free 
creature,  he  forms  that  of  an  intelligence,  whose 
determinations  he  leaves  unconstrained  :  they  may 
be,  or  may  not  be  ;  and,  consequently,^their  happen- 
ing is  only  contingent  and  possible.     Now,  to  see  in 


i 


i 


^ 


-r;- 1: 


I 


I 


374 

the  nature  of  the  creatures,  or  in  his  own  decrees, 
what  is  only  contingent  and  possible,  as  infallible 
future,  and  inevitable,  is  a  perfect  contradiction.  It 
is  to  create  and  annihilate,  to  form  and  to  destroy,  to 
establish  and  overturn  his  object  by  the  same  in- 
dividual act  ;  it  is  producing  a  triangular  circle. — 
Wherefore  as  we  do  not  derogate  from  the  Divine 
omnipotence^  hy  denying  that  he  can  produce  the 
one,  so  neither  do  we  impeach  the  Divine  omni- 
science,  hy  denying  that  he  can  see  the  other.  In 
both  cases,  the  ideas  are  incompatible,  and  their 
union  is  impossible,  and  so  that  they  cannot  be  the 
object  of  the  Divine  power  or  knowledge." 

(In  relation  to  the  actions  of  intelligent  and  ac- 
countable beings.)  **He  sees  by  one  single  unsucces- 
sive  act,  all  their  possible  directions,  and  all  the  com- 
binations of  free  and  necessary,  of  moral  and  physi- 
cal causes  ;  but  he  neither  foresees,  foreordains,  nor 
fixes  immutably  any  one  succession  of  events,  that 
can  destroy  iheir  free  choice.  He  foresees  not  all 
that  will  happen,  but  all  that  can  happen,  and  pro- 
vides for  all  possible  contingencies.  This  is  far  more 
perfect  than  to  foresee  infalHbly  only  one  sort  of 
events,  and  exclude  all  the  others,  by  an  omnipotent, 
irresistible  power.  It  is  therefore  absolutely  false  to 
maintain  that  all  the  particular  actions,  passions,  and 
crimes,  that  all  the  inspirations,  virtues,  and  graces, 
that  all  the  wanderings,  returns,  and  determinations 
of  each  individual,  are  so  foreseen  and  fore-deter- 
mined that  one  link  cannot  be  broken,  without  dis.solvi 
ing  the  whole  chain  of  Providence.     Such  a  fatal 


375 


chain,  far  from  being  necessary  to  the  accomplish* 
.  ment  of  God's  great  design,  would  entirely  destroy 
.  them,    by    converting    free    agents     into    spiritual 

machines. 

**  Though  God  does  not  foresee,  nor  foreordain,  as 
absolutely  certain,  and  infallibly  future,  all  the  deter- 
minations of  free  agents,  yet  he  may  foresee  and 
foretell,  when  he  pleases,  all  the  natural  and  neces- 
sary consequences  of  their  free  determinations." 

"  He  saw  the  dangers  into  which  we  hurry,  and  to 
hinder  us  from  falling  into  them,  he  is  represented  in 
the  Poly  Scriptures,  as  admonishing,  threatening," 
exhorting,  and  weeping  over  his  creatures  ;  yea,  ex- 
hausting, as  it  were,  all  the  efforts  of  his  own  power, 
wisdom,  and  goodness,  without  success.  *  What 
could  I  have  done  more  for  my  vineyard,'  says  the 
Holy  Ghost,  *  that  I  have  not  done  ?'  All  these 
solicitations,  admonitions,  and  vehement  expostula- 
tions, would  be  useless,  if  we  were  not  free,  and  if 
God  acted  upon  us  by  an  omnipotent,  irresistible 
will.  Yea,  they  would  be  illusory,  if  he  foresaw 
from  all  eternity,  that  free  agents  would  certainly, 
infallibly,  and  absolutely  do  what  he  exhorts  them 
not  to  do." 

"  The  system  of  prescience,  when  rightly  under- 
stood, answers  all  objections,  without  darkening  the 
matter,  by  the  subtleties,  palliations,  and  subterfuges 
of  the  schoolmen.  It  is  by  this  scheme  alone,  that 
we  (are  able  to)  confound  all  the  Socinians  and  Epi- 
cureans, as  also  those  of  the  Fatalists.  The  two 
first  maintain  that  God  can  foresee  and  foretell  none 


i 


■* 


376 

of  the  actions  of  free  agents,  and  so  destroy  pre- 
science ;  the  last  assert,  that  God  sees  all  the  deter- 
minations of  intellectual  agents  in  his  own  absolute 
will,  and  so  destroys  liberty.  The  true  medium  be- 
tween these  two  extremes,  consists  in  maintaining 
that  God  can  and  does  foresee,  foreordain,  and  exe- 
cute whatever  he  pleases  in  heaven  and  in  earth ;  but 
thai  he  neither  foresees  nor  foreordains  as  infallibly 
future,  what  he  leaves  to  the  free  choice  of  intellecr 
tual  agents,  because  this  is  repugnant  and  contradic- 
tory." 

This  extract  I  fully  approved,  while  I  viewed  the  Cal- 
vinist  doctrine  of  certain  prescience  to  be  an  atfempt 
to  advocate  an  unoriginated  knowledge,  as  one  author 
observes  : 

**  The  doctrine  of  prescience,  in  all  probability, 
has  formed  an  integral  part  of  every  system  of  pagan 
theology,  and  has  been  a  prominent  feature  in  almost 
every  theological  system  in  the  world  ;  except  in 
that  fair,  atid  lovely,  and  rational  system  of  salvation 
by  Jesus  Christ,  which  has  been  given  to  mankind 
by  Divine  authority." 

**  In  every  theological  system,  which  has  been 
formed  on  I  he  principles  of  moral  necessity,  whether 
pagan  or  professedly  Christian,  the  doctrine  of  pre- 
science and  fate  have  been  associated  as  cognate 
ideas,  which  have  uniformly  and  of  necessity  pro- 
duced each  other." 

"Whether  the  doctrine  of  prescience  was  origi- 
nally the  parent  of  the  doctrine  of  predestination,  or 
predestination  the  parent  of  prescience,  it  isy  at  the 


1 


377 

present  time,  extremely  difficult  to  say  ;  and  espe- 
cially so,  as  they  both  belong  to  that  prolific  species 
of  error,  which  has  the  power  of  reciprocal  genera- 
tion. A  certain  anticipation  always  implies  a  neces- 
sary issue,  and  an  absolute  and  effectual  purpose,  a 
certain  anticipation,  inasmuch  as  it  is  not  possible  for 
a  certain  prescience  to  be  separated  from  a  necessita- 
ting cause." 

"  In  the  days  of  Augustine,  the  doctrine  of  pre- 
science, and  the  consequent  doctrine  of  an  uncondi- 
tional predestination,  were  introduced  into  the  Chris- 
tian world  ;*  or  if  they  were  not  propagated  by  him 
in  the  first  instance,  it  was  under  his  authority  that 
they  received  the  stamp  and  credit  of  Orthodox,  were 
adopted  as  articles  of  Christian  faith,  were  incorpo- 
rated in  the  Christian  creed,  and  were  introduced  into 
theological  writings. 

"Since  the  days  of  Augustine,  the  doctrine  of 
an  eternal  prescience  has  been  generally  and  very 
naturally  identified  with  that  of  unconditional  predes- 
tination. But  subsequent  to  the  darkness  of  the 
middle  ages  of  the  Christian  church,  and  especially 


*  Augustine  once  was  a  Manichee,  and  left  them,  so  the  doc- 
trine might  first  have  been  preached  by  the  Manichees,  and  there 
Augustine  learned  it.  The  Manichees  professed  to  believe  that 
there  was  two  principles  in  the  God-head,  the  one  good,  by  which 
all  the  good  was  decreed  ;  and  the  other  bad,  or  evil,  by  which 
all  the  evil  was  decreed.  Augustine  was  first  a  Manichee,  but 
afler  awhile  leA  them,  and  refuted  their  doctrine,  but  he  retained 
the  essence  of  it  in  his  notion  of  election  and  reprobation,  that 
John  Calvin  afterwards  improved  upon. 


I* 


in- 


378 

since  the  art  of  printing  has  been  invented,  and  more 
particularly,  since  the  right  and  the  competency  of 
private  judgment  in  the  interpretation  of  the  Scrip- 
lures,  has  been  understood  and  acknowledged,  many 
religious  bodies  have  disclaimed  their  belief  in  the 
doctrine  of  predestination,  as  being  incompatible 
with  human  responsibility,  and  the  moral  government 
of  God." 

**  The  popular,  and  indeed,   the  only  systematized 
notion  of  their  doctrine  of  prescience,  is  one   that 
would  imply  an  unoriginated,  eternal,  and  infallible 
anticipation  of  all  things  that  ever  have  existed,  that 
are  at  this  moment  in  existence,  or  which  will  ever 
he  in  existence  hereafter ;  and  which  alike  encircles 
in  the  unbounded  range  of  its  perfection,  every  action, 
and  every  volition,  every  vice,  and  every  virtue, 
every  pain,  every  pleasure,  of  every  individual  crea- 
ture which  was  ever  in  existence,  and  which  is  now 
in  existence,   and  lohich   will  ever  be  in  existence  : 
whether  that  creature  be  human  or  angelic,  rational 
or  irrational,  animate  or  inanimate,  and  to  whatever^ 
order  or  species  it  may  belong." 

"  The  question  at  issue  is  not,  whether  the  Deity 
may  not  possibly  anticipate  many  future  events,  even 
ages  before  they  have  any  actual  existence,  because 
the  possibility  and  even  the  fact  of  such  cases  are 
actually  demonstrated,  by  the  previous  delivery  and 
the  subsequent  fulfillment  of  Scripture  predictions  ? 
but  the  question  is,  whether  the  prescience  from 
whence  those  predictions  emanated,  was  eternal  or 


379 


recent,  unoriginated  or  acquired,  coeval  or  subss' 
quent  to  the  Divine  existence  ;  and  whether  that 
prescience  existed  per  se,  or  by  consequence  ;  and 
whether,  as  evidence,  it  contains  data  a  priori,  or  is 
only  involved  by  deduction  a  posterioi  ?" 

"  The  consequences  which  depend  upon  the  fore- 
going alternatives  are  exceedingly  numerous,  and 
unspeakably  important.  I  will  readily  concede  that 
it  is  not  possible  for  an  infinite  intelligence  to  be  un- 
conscious of  anything  which  is  in  actual  existence,  or 
be  unable  to  recognize  at  every  point  of  duration,  all 
which  at  that  moment  would  be  abstractedly  possible  ; 
but  the  notion  of  an  eternal  prescience  would  oblige 
me  to  believe  that  the  total  sum  of  the  actual  know- 
ledge of  the  Deity,  was  of  precisely  the  same  amount, 
before  the  heavens  and  the  earth  were  created  as  it 
is  at  the  present  moment.  I  must  believe  that  the 
knowledge  of  the  Divine  nature  does  not  originate  or 
depend  upon  that  ^nature  itself;  I  must  believe  that 
the  knowledge  is  unoriginated  and  eternal,  while 
events  themselves  are  subsequent  and  successive. 

"  The  certain  prescience  of  all  certain  events,  is 
what  every  person  must  believe,  who  receives  the 
doctrine  of  an  infinite  intelligence  in  the  Deity  ;  but 
the  doctrine  of  an  eternal  prescience  would  imply 
that  the  Divine  intelligence  possesses  the  power  of 
making  contingencies  in  re  to  become  certainties  in 
perception  ;  and  the  power  of  making  those  things  to 
stand  up  altogether  at  one  single  moment,  as  the  ob- 
ject of  an  actual  and  certain  perception,  which  would 


I '; 


11 


380 

require  a  boundless  duration  of  being  for  their  actual 
and  real  existence. 

"  I  can  readily  receive  the  doctrine  of  prescience 
as  a  consequence,  because  I  can  easily  perceive  that 
if  God  has  fornoed  certain  deternninations,  and  has  se- 
cured the  issue  by  an  effectual  causation,  the  issue 
must  become  thereby  an  object  of  a  certain  pre- 
science ;  but  if  I  receive  the  doctrine  of  prescience 
per  se,  I  must  regard  his  prescience  as  being  a  cause, 
and  not  as  being  an  effect  or  consequence. 

"  But  in  reviewing  the  doctrine  of  an  unoriginated 
presciencey  I  am  not  to  impute  the  cognizances  of  the 
Deity  to  any  species  of  causation  whatever,  inasmuch 
as  they  must  be  absolutely  without  cause.  I  must 
believe,  also,  that  although  the  acts  of  the  Deity,  and 
the  existence  and  actions  of  created  beings,  are  sub- 
ject to  constant  and  perpetual  accession,  it  is  not  pos- 
sible for  the  knowledge  of  those  things  in  the  Deity, 
to  receive  any  accession  in  quantity  world  without 
end.  I  am  to  believe  that  the  certainty  of  the  Divine 
anticipations  must  always  extend  to  every  future  act 
of  his  own,  through  the  endless  duration  of  his  inter- 
minable being,  and  equally  so  to  all  the  volitions  and 
actions  of  created  beings,  both  mortal  and  immortal. 
I  must  not  only  believe  in  a  certain  prescience  in  re- 
lation to  all  physical  events,  and  to  all  animal,  and 
vegetable,  and  mineral,  and  elementary  occurrences, 
but  I  must  firmly  believe  in  the  certain  prescience  of 
all  moral  actions  and  mental  contingences,  embracing 
all  their  evolutions  and  consequencies,  world  without 
end.     And  in  particular,  I  must  believe  in  the  certain 


381 

anticipation  of  the  period  and  issue  of  human  life,  in 
relation  to  all  the  decendants  of  Adam,  and  the  whole 
of  their  future  and  eternal  condition.  In  short,  I 
must  believe,  that  however  contingent  the  actions  of 
human  beings,  and  the  issue  of  human  life  may 
appear  to  be,  or  may  be  in  reality  to  us,  they  are  all 
as  certain  as  the  throne  of  God,  in  the  anticipation  of 
the  Divine  mind." 


1,5 


;■? 


CHAPTER  XVIII. 


11 


T^e  nature,  and  acquisition,  and  bounds  of 
knowledge^  and  the  competency  of  knoioledge  in 
human  beings, 

"  Knowledge  in  God  or  man,  is  a  conscious  per- 
ception, acquired  by  an  intelligent  being,  of  any  posi- 
tiv&  or  relative  existence,  either  in  himself  or  in  the 
person  of  any  other  being.  Human  knowledge  is 
not  direct  in  its  nature,  neither  is  it  immediate  in  its 
modes  of  acquirement.  We  acquire  knowledge,  by 
means  which  are  extraneous  to  the  objects  of  our 
knowledge.  But  the  knowledge  of  the  divine  being 
is  direct  in  its  nature,  and  immediate  in  its  mode  of 
acquirement.  The  physical  hypostasis  of  all  things 
is  under  his  immediate  cognizance,  (or  omnipresent 
eye,)  and  therefore,  the  knowledge  of  the  Deity  can- 
not be  limited  by  the  properties  and  the  facts  of 
things,  but  must  extend  to  every  thing  that  is  know- 
able,  both  in  actual  existence,  and  in  abstract  possi- 
bility. 

"  But  even  human  knowledge,  although  it  is 
neither  direct  in  its  nature  nor  immediate  in  the  mode 
of  its  acquirement,  yet  all  its  legitimate  notices  must 
of  necessity  be  correct,   and  its  decisions  must  uni- 


383 

formly  possess  the  authority  and  stamp  of  truth. 
Every  hypothesis  which  would  deny  the  competency 
of  the  human  understanding,  to  judge  of  truth  and 
error  when  presented  to  the  senses,  and  brought  fair- 
ly before  the  mind,  must  involve,  in  its  consequences, 
all  the  horrors  of  a'  universal  scepticism,  or  subject 
the  human  understanding  to  all  the  vassallage  of  an 
implicit  credulity  ;  we  must,  in  such  a  case,  either 
give  credit  to  every  thing,  or  else  we  must  not  be- 
lieve any  thing  at  all.  The  competency  of  the  hu- 
man understanding  in  relation  to  truth  and  falsehood, 
and  especially  in  relation  to  right  or  wrong,  is  the 
only  solid  foundation  upon  which  the  doctrine  of  hu- 
man responsibility  can  be  made  to  rest.  Divine 
revelation  confirms  the  truth  of  this  argument  ;  a 
revelation  was  given  to  us  because  we  were  compe- 
tent to  judge  of  its  truth  ;  and  it  invites  an  investiga- 
tion of  its  sacred  contents,  and  builds  its  authority  on 
the  rational  convictions  which  it  is  adapted  to  pro- 
duce on  the  human  mind. 

"  Even  the  faculties  of  brutes,  and  much  more  the 
intellect  of  man,  must  always  be  adequate  to  answer 
the  purposes  for  which  they  were  originally  bestowed  ; 
and  within  the  limits  prescribed  to  them  by  the  great 
Author  of  all  created  existence,  both  the  suggestions 
of  brutes'  instincts,  and  the  dictates  of  human  reason, 
must  be  always  of  paramount  authority.  The  in- 
stinct of  an  oyster,  and  the  intellect  of  a  cherub,  must 
be  equally  perfect  in  their  kind,  and  equally  adequate 
to  the  purposes  for  which  they  were  given  ;  and 
within  the  sphere  of  their  respective  operations,  the 


m 


■pi% 


884 

notices  of  the  one  must  be  as  competent  a  standard  of 
the  truth,  as  the  convictions  of  the  other. 

**  It  is,  I  presume,  agreed  on  by  all  parties,  that  in 
the  order  of  nature,  the  knowledge   of  any   fact  or 
event,  must  always  be  subsequent  to  its  occurrence  ; 
because  the  fact  or  event  itself,    must   support  the 
knowledge  of  its  existence.     It  is  true  indeed,  that 
knowledge  must  always  imply  the  actual  existence  of 
an  intelligent  being,  who  is  the  possessor   of  that 
knowledge,  and  it  is  equally  true,  that  the  existence 
of  knowledge  must  always  demonstrate  the  actual  ex- 
istence of  the  object  of  that  knowledge.     But  we 
read  of  foreknowledge,  and   we  believe  in  the  exist- 
ence of  foreknowledge  ;  and  especially  we   believe 
that  the  Deity  has  a  prescience  of  future   events. 
How  then  is  the  subject  of  foreknowledge  to  be  un- 
derstood, so  as  to  be  in  unison  with  the  sentiment  at 
the  beginning  of  this  paragraph  ?     When  the  pur- 
pose of  bringing  about  a  future  event,  and  the  causa- 
tion that  is  to  secure  the  issue,  are  now  in  actual  ex- 
istence, and  are  the  real  objects  of  the  divine  cogni- 
zance ;  the  future  event,  which  is  in  reality  the  ob- 
ject of  his  purpose,  and  therefore  of  his  anticipations, 
is  expressed  as  though   it  were  purely  an    object  of 
'perception.     And  for  this  reason,  although  foreknow- 
ledge,  in  strict  philosophical  propriety,  would  be  ab- 
solutely inadmissible,  yet  its  application  to  an  antici- 
pated issue,  is  perfectly  admissible  and  quite  intelli- 
gible. 

"  It  is  also  agreed,  that  the  knowledge  of  an  event 
cannot  possibly  possess  any  influence  whatever,  in 


385 

giving  either  existence  or  character  to  the  event  which 
it  perceives  ;  and  that  the  existence  of  the  knowledge 
must  always  demonstrate  the  existence  of  the  event 
which  is  the  object  of  the  knowledge  ;  and  that  the 
predictions  of  the  knowledge,  if  competent  and 
true,  must  demonstrate  the  properties  of  the  event 
which  is  thereby  presumed  to  be  known.  That 
which  such  a  knowledge  predicates  of  the  event,  must 
actually  belong  to  the  event  itself.  And  therefore,  if 
the  knowledge  predicate  necessity,  the  event  must  be 
necessary  :  if  it  predtcale  certainty,  the  event  must 
be  certain  ;  if  it  predicate  possibility,  the  event  must 
be  possible ;  and  if  it  predicate  contingency,  the 
event  must  be  contingent.  Now,  if  the  foregoing 
chain  of  reasoning  be  not  legitimate,  let  the  objector 
have  the  goodness  to  detect  the  fallacy. 

"  Lest  my  reader  should  misapprehend  what  I 
have  said  above,  on  the  difference  between  the  com- 
petency and  the  infallibility  of  human  knowledge,  it 
may  be  well  to  add  a  few  remarks,  which  may  ren- 
der my  meaning  a  little  more  intelligible.  I  mean 
by  competency,  something  that  may  possibly  be  ade- 
quate and  successful,  but  at  the  same  time,  may  pos- 
sibly fail.  I  mean  by  infallibility,  that  which  must 
of  necessity  be  successful,  and  cannot  possibly  fail. 
The  competency  of  human  knowledge  stands  on  pre- 
cisely the  same  ground,  as  does  xhe  competency  of 
human  integrity  ;  and  they  are  both  of  them  so  in- 
dispensable to  the  righteous  probation  of  human  be- 
ings, that  without  them  there  can  be  no  moral  agency 

17 


i 
i 


♦ 


3S6 

in  man,  nor  any  rational  or  adequate  testation  of  hu- 
man character." 

The  above  extracts  satisfied  my  mind  that  the 
knowledge  of  a  contingency  and  certainty  were  dis- 
tinct ;  for  to  know  an  event  would  certainly  be,  and 
to  know  that  same  event  might  possibly  be,  was  as 
distinct  as  to  know  a  truth  was  not  a  falsehood.  Be- 
sides, if  God  made  any  thing  to  be  contingent  by  con- 
stituting man  a  moral  agent,  He  did  not  know  that 
contingency  to  be  a  certainty,  and  if  he  did  not  know 
that  contingent  events  of  moral  agents  were  not  con- 
tingent, then  he  did  not  know  all  things  as  he  had 
made  them.  These  views  of  the  subject  led  me  to 
a  chain  of  reasoning,  which  enabled  me  to  answer  the 
objections  of  the  Calvinists  on  different  points  of  the- 
ology. One  objection  they  ingeniously  brought  for- 
ward against  the  possibility  of  falling  from  grace. 
At  one  time  they  remarked,  "  that  it  would  imply  a 
severe  reproach  on  the  divine  government,  to  sup- 
pose that  God  would  ever  bestow  the  blessings  of 
grace  upon  any  person  whom  he  foreknew  would 
certainly  be  unfaithful  in  the  improvement  of  it,  and 
would  finally  be  eternally  miserable."  This  argu- 
ment I  considered  perfectly  tenable  on  their  pre- 
mises. But  in  answer  to  this  ingenious  argument,  I 
weuld  ask,  whether  the  Creator  of  the  world  would 
not  employ  as  much  integrity  in  our  creation  as  in 
our  redemption  ?  And  if  he  would  not  convert  a 
man  in  vain,  would  he  create  a  man  in  vain  ?  If  he 
would  not  bestow  the  blessings  of  his  grace  upon  any 
man  under  a  certain  prescience  of  eternal  misery  ; 


387 

would  he  bestow  the  boon  of  existence  under  a  cer* 
tain  prescience  of  eternal  misery  ?     And  does  not  the 
one  reflect  on  the  government  of  the  Divine  Being 
as  much  as  the  other  ?     If  the  doctrine  of  a  certain 
prescience  of  the  moral  acts  of  free  agents  be  true, 
then,  in  reality,  the  real  evil  in  the  case  would  lie  in 
their  being  created  under  a  certain  prescience  of  their 
eternal  destiny,  and  not  in  any  subsequent  occurrence, 
for  nonoccurrence  of  conversion  or  uncon version,  of 
penitence  or  impenitence,  could  possibly  alter  a  cer- 
tain and  eternal  anticipation.     No  man  can  reconcile 
it  with  the  goodness  or  justice  of  God,  that  he  should 
bring  any  man  into  existence   under  a  certain  pros- 
pect of  misery,  and  especially  of  eternal  misery ;  of 
such  a  being  it   could  never  be   said,  that  "  He  is 
good  to  all,  and  his  tender  mercies   are  over  all  his 
works."     Such  a  doctrine  of  prescience  in  relation  to 
the  finally   impenitent,   is  as   utterly  incompatible 
with  every  notion  of  righteousness  in  the  Deity,  as 
the  most  unconditional  and  eternal  reprobation  can 

But  even  if  it  were  to  be  conceded  that  a  righteous 
and  benevolent  Creator,  upon  the  certain  prescience 
of  final  and  eternal  ruin  of  any  creature  that  he  was 
about  to  bring  into  existence,  would  rather  forbear 
the  act  of  creation,  than  bestow  existence  under  such 
a  certain  prospect  of  misery  ;  yet  such  a  supposition 
would  evidently  involve  a  contradiction,  such  a  for- 
bearance would  be  absolutely  impossible.  The  cre- 
ation of  such  a  being  would  be  as  eternally  certain,  as 
his  destruction  would  be,  and  all  contingency  would 


>i^ 


i 


388 

be  as  totally  inapplicable  to  the  one  as  to  the  Qther. 
Any  event  that  is  the  object  of  a  certain  and  infallible 
prescience,  must  be  absolutely  and  infallibly  incapa- 
ble of  failure  in  its  anticipratcd  issue,  neither  can  it 
be  in  the  power  of  an  omnipotent  Being  to  defeat  or 
prevent  its  ultimate  occurrence,  or  to  effect  any  kind 
of  commutation  in  its  final  result.  If,  therefore,  the 
doctrine  of  an  eternal  prescience  be  true,  there  is  an 
end  of  all  moral  agency  or  freedom  in  the  human 
mind  ;  and  there  can  be  in  reality  no  moral  agency 
in  existence,  either  in  the  Deity  or  any  of  his  crea- 
tures. 

The  doctrine  of  an  eternal  prescience,  is  not  only 
inconsistent  with  the  free  agency  of  God,  but  it  is 
equally  inconsistent  with  the  efficient  exercise  of 
every  divine  perfection.  Admit  a  certain  and  infalli- 
ble anticipation  of  the  final  issue  of  human  life,  and 
then  tell  me  what  it  is  possible  for  any,  or  for  all  of 
his  natural  and  moral  perfections  to  do  in  altering  or 
defeating  the  anticipated  result  ?  Could  even  an 
eternal  prescience  itself  inform  the  Deity  how  he 
might  alter  the  anticipated  issue?  Could  infinite 
wisdom  devise  any  successful  expedient?  Could 
infinite  power  do  any  thing  towards  altering  an  issue 
that  is  certainly  and  infallibly  anticipated  ?  Juslice 
might  poise  her  scales,  and  brandish  her  flaming 
sword,  but  she  would  not  bo  able  to  strike  one  suc- 
cessful blow  ;  mercy  might  yearn  with  pity,  and 
burst  into  tears,  but  she  would  not  be  able  to  put 
forth  a  single  hand  to  save ;  ihe  wailings  of  Divine 
compassion  would  be  as  unavailing  as  the  shrieks  of 


i 


389 

the  frantic  mother  on  seeing  her  child  committed  to 
the  devouring  flames.  On  the  assumption  of  an  eter- 
nal prescience,  the  moral  government  of  the  world 
would  be  only  a  wanton  delusion  or  popular  credulity. 

The  error  that  the  human  mind  is  often  confused 
with,  consists  in  supposing  that  the  acts  of  the  Divine 
Being  are  infinite  acts.  The  acts  are  truly  the  acts 
of  an  infinite  being,  but  the  acts  are  finite,  except 
those  that  are  in  himself.  Creation  is  the  work  of 
an  infinite  Being,  but  creation  is  finite.  The  law  of 
God  is  the  law  of  an  infinite  being,  but  the  law  is 
finite.  To  know  is  an  exercise  of  the  attribute  of 
wisdom  in  God,  which  attribute  is  eternal  and  infinite, 
by  which  he  perceives,  and  sees  all  things  that  he 
has  made.  To  know,  then,  is  an  act  of  a  being  that 
existed  before  the  event  existed  that  was  the  object  of 
that  knowledge. 

By  an  attribute  we  are  to  understand  those  perfec- 
tions of  the  Divine  Being,  which  are  essential  to  his 
existence  ;  and  those  perfections  that  are  not  essen- 
tial to  his  existence,  are  perfections  of  character  ;  or 
acts  of  the  Divine  Being  by  which  he  reveals  to  his 
creatures  his  true  character,  in  a  manner  best  adapt- 
ed for  their  understandings.  But  that  we  may  not 
confound  distinct  things,  and  that  we  may  be  fully 
aware  of  the  difference  between  existence  and  action, 
and  between  latent  energy  and  power  in  actual  oper- 
ation, it  will  be  necessary  to  pursue  the  following 
chain  of  reasoning. 

Existence  is  absolutely  necessary  to  the  Divine 
Being,  because    non-existence    is  impossible ,  but 


P 


iM 


I 


390 

creation  is  not  necessary  to  his  existence,  because 
there  was  a  period  in  duration,  when  creation  did  not 
exist.  Intellect,  or  wisdom^  is  necessary  to  the 
Divine  existence  ;  but  the  actual  knowledge  of  things 
beyond  his  own  hypostacies,  is  not  necessary  to  his 
existence.  The  attribute  of  an  infine  moral  integri- 
ty, is  absolutely  necessary  to  the  Divine  existence  ; 
but  the  active  exercise  of  that  integrity  beyond  his 
own  person,  is  not  necessary  to  the  Divine  existence. 
An  infinite  benevolence  is  necessary  to  the  Divine 
existence,  but  an  infinite  beneficence  is  not  necessary 
to  the  existence  of  the  Deity.  A  creative  energy 
is  absolutely  necessary  to  the  Divine  existence  :  a 
creative  energy  is  universally  and  eternally  necessa- 
ry ;  but  a  universal  and  eternal  creation  is  neither 
necessary  nor  possible. 

The  active  operation  of  the  infinite   energy,  must 
be  subsequent  to  the  Divine  existence,  and  every  act 
of  the  Deity  must  be  voluntary  and  unconstrained, 
and  therefore  if  every  active  operation  of  the  univer- 
sal and  eternal  mind,  must  be  subsequent  to  his  own 
existence,  then  every  volition  of  the  Deity   must  be 
subsequent  to  his  own  existence,  and  also,  every  act 
of  the  Deity  must  be  subsequent  to  his  own  existence, 
and  then  by  consequence,  all  consciousness,  percep- 
tion, and  knowledge  of  those  volitions  and  actions, 
/  must  be,  of  necessity,  subsequent  to  his  actual  exis- 
tence. 

To  confound  the  acts  of  the  Divine  Being  with  his 
own  eternity,  is  not  reason  or  argument.  If  all  the 
purposes  of  God,  and  all  his  actions  were  as  unorigi- 


391 


nated  and  eternal  as  his  own  existence,  such  an  as- 
sumption would  deify  his  acts  and  volitions,  and  by 
that  very  means,  it  would  rob  the  Deity  himself  of 
his  own  Divinity  ;  for  if  all  the  volitions,  and  all  the 
acts  of  the  supreme  Being  are  indeed  eternal  and  un- 
originated  in  their  existence,  then  it  must  follow  that 
he  never  did  conceive  any  purpose,  or  execute  any 
design,  and  it  will  equally  follow  that  he  never  will 
have  it  in  his  power  either  to  conceive  any  purpose 
or  execute  any  design.     The  volitions  and  actions  of 
the  Deity  are  indeed  the  eflforls  of  an  infinite  being  ; 
and  yet  the  efibrts  of  even  an  infinite  being  must  them- 
selves be  finite.     Supposing  the  acts  of  the  Deity  to 
be  infinite,  the  existence  of  the  first  act  would  pre- 
clude the  possibility  of  a  second,  since  the  idea  of  a 
second  infinity  is  as  gross  an  absurdity  as  ever  was 
presented  to  the  human  mind.     A  proper  idea  of  in- 
finity must  imply  a  universality  of  existence,  as  well  in 
the   amplitude  of  space,  as  to  the  perpetuity  of  a 
boundless  duration.     I  will  repeat  this  ;  I  say  then, 
that  infinity  must  always  imply  an  unbounded  ex- 
panse of  space,  and  an  unbounded  extent  of  duration, 
and  therefore,  it  is  no  more  capable  of  being  included 
in  any  single  act  of  the  Deity,  than  in  any  single  vo- 
lition of  the  human  mind.     But  if  divinity  belong  of 
necessity  to  any  of  the  acts  and  volitions  of  the  Di- 
vine perfections,  it  must  of  necessity  follow  that  the 
properties  of  divinity  belong  to  every   volition,   to 
every  act,  and  to  every  production  of  the  supreme 
Being.     For  if  Divinity  may  be  predicated  of  the 
knowledge  of  his  volitions,  it  may  be  more  truly  pre- 


M 


m^ 


392 


''•% 


i| 


I 


dicated  of  the  volitions  themselves  ;  if  Divinity  may 
be  truly  predicated  of  the  knowledge  of  his  acts,  it 
may  be  more  truly  predicated  of  the  acts  themselves ; 
and  if  Divinity  may  be  truly  predicated  of  the  know- 
ledge of  his  created  productions,  it  may  be  more  tru- 
ly predicated  of  those  created  productions  themselves. 

Will  those  Christians  who  advocate  this  doct«ne 
of  eternal  prescience,  ever  hereafter  wonder  that  Pa- 
gans, destitute  of  Divine  revelation,  should  deify  the 
heavenly  bodies,  and  the  powers  of  nature  ?  While 
they  themselves  continue  to  attribute  divinity  to  every 
volition,  and  every  act,  as  well  as  every  production 
of  the  Divine  Being  ?  Tell  me  not  of  the  gross  idola- 
try of  Pagan  worship  ;  we  have  millions  of  gods  for 
every  one  of  theirs*;  if  all  the  volitions,  and  all  the 
acts,  all  the  purposes,  and  all  the  cognitions  of  the 
Deity,  are  themselves  so  many  infinite  and  eternal 
divinities  !  They  are  as  numerous  as  the  drops  in 
the  river,  as  the  atoms  contained  in  the  whole  uni- 
verse ! ! 

Little  do  the  advocates  of  this  theory  think  that 
they  deny  the  infinite  free  agency  of  God,  and  also, 
that  they  impugn  the  wisdom,  veracity,  and  the  good- 
ness of  God,  by  confounding  contingency  with  cer- 
tainty ;  and  thereby  also,  they  deny  the  moral  agen- 
cy of  man.  If  God  knew  certain  that  Ad^im  would 
fall,  he  would  have  been  disappointed  if  he  had  not 
have  fallen  ;  inasmuch  as  he  knew  certainly  and  eter- 
nally that  he  would  transgress.  If  their  notion  of 
prescience  be  true,  we  may  also  infer  from  it,  that 
prescience  rules  the  Deity,  inasmuch  as  he  could  no 


*»)' 


393 


hinder  Adam's  transgression,  which  was  as  certain  in 
his  mind  as  the  throne  of  God.  Therefore  it  is,  that 
prescience  is  only  another  word  for  fate. 

The  Deists  believe  this  doctrine  of  prescience,  and 
make  it  the  foundation  of  their  system  of  infidelity. 
They  draw  their  conclusions  from  the  premises  laid 
down,  which  is  a  just  mode  of  reasoning ;  the  premi- 
ses laid  down  by  the  Calvinists  are,  a  certain,  un- 
originated  knowledge  of  all  future  events  and  things. 
It  could  not  be  known  to  be  certain,  unless  it  was 
fixed  in  the  Divine  mind,  and  if  it  existed  in  the  Di- 
vine mind  eternally^  then  it  was  never  created.  Cal- 
vinism teaches  that  God  knew  eternally,  that  there 
would  be  human  beings,  and  that  he  would  make 
laws  to  govern  them,  and  that  the  Bible  contains  those 
laws  ;  but  he  knew  certainly  that  they  would  trans- 
gress those  laws  and  be  damned.  But  the  Deist  arises 
in  abhorrence  of  such  doctrine,  and  cries  out.  No  ! — 
God^s  goodness  governs  him  if  he  is  governed  at  all, 
not  his  prescience  ;  though  we  believe  he  is  all-wise, 
and  knows  all  things,  we  don't  believe  God  will  con- 
demn his  creatures  for  doing  what  he  knew  eternally 
they  would  most  certainly  do,  and  what  he  could  not 
prevent.  No,  your  notion  of  the  moral  government 
of  God  is  wrong,  all  wrong  ;  we  believe  that  what- 
ever is,  is  right.  We  believe  that  all  events  and 
things  were  eternally  as  certain  in  the  mind  of  God 
as  they  ever  can  be  ;  yea,  the  certainty  of  the  events 
were  so  fixed  in  the  mind  of  God,  that  he  could  not 
prevent  them,  and  they  are  all   right.     Therefore^ 

17* 


") 


\m 


li^ 


M 


jftr 


394 


your  Bible  laws  is  all  priestcraft  to  frighten  weak 
minds.  Everything  existed  in  the  mind  of  God,  eter- 
nally ;  there  was  nothing  created.  Thus  argues  the 
Deist.  Thus  his  conclusions  aie  drawn  from  the 
premises  laid  down,  that  knowledge  implies  existence, 
and  if  God  knew  certainly  all  the  events  and  product 
of  all  human  hearts,  and  that  knowledge  was  unorigi- 
nated,  materialism  is  then  evidently  implied  in  such 
a  theory. 


"'Win 


CHAPTER  XIX- 


That  the  Divine  omniscience  must  include  a  per* 
feet  knowledge  of  all  abstract  possibilities,  we  are 
ready  to  admit,  and  we  are  as  ready  to  acknowledge 
that  the  Deity  must  know,  not  only  all  that  is  possi- 
ble to  be  done,  both  by  himself  and  by  every  other 
being ;  because  such  a  knowledge  is  inseparable  from 
that  Divinity  that  is  unoriginated.  But  although  his 
knowledge  of  what  is  possible  be  itself  necessary  and 
underived,  yet  the  certain  knowledge  of  finite  acts 
and  things  themselves,  can  only  be  co-evil  and  co- 
existent with  these  facts  in  existence.  It  is  a  fact, 
that  in  relation  to  the  Jews,  "  in  causing  their  sons 
and  daughters  to  pass  through  the  fire  to  Moloch," 
the  Lord  does  most  emphatically  declare,  "  it  did  not 
even  come  into  his  mind,  that  they  5^ot/Z(i  ever  com- 
mit such  abominable  idolatries." — Jer.  32 — 35. 

It  is  evident  from  the  holy  Scriptures,  that  the  pre- 
sent fallen  state  of  human  beings  is  what  the  infinite 
mind  of  God  had  not  with  certainly  anticipated  ;  and, 
indeed,  it  would  have  been  a  moral  impossibility  for 
a  being  of  infinite  benevolence  to  have  created  the  hu- 
man race  under  such  an  anticipation,  and  have  re- 
mained benevolent.    It  is  written  in  the  Bible,  "  God 


«•;; 


m 


396 


saw  that  the  wickedness  of  man  was  great  in  the 
earth ;  and  it  repented  the  Lord  that  he  had  made 
man  upon  the  earth,  and  it  grieved  him  at  his  heart." 
Gen.  vi.  5 — 6,  It  is  evident  that  the  Lord  acted 
upon  the  dictates  of  this  repentance,  and  destroyed 
all  the  inhabitants  of  this  earth,  excepting  only  Noah 
and  his  family.  Agreeable  to  this  doctrine  are  the 
words  of  our  Lord,  of  his  betrayer.  Matt.  26 — 27, 
"  It  had  been  good  for  that  man  if  he  had  never  been 
born."  And  how  much  more  truly  might  the  same 
be  said  of  any  being,  who  should  be  born  under  a  cer- 
tain prescience  of  eternal  misery  ?  But  of  a  being 
whose  final  misery  is  only  possible,  and  his  final  hap- 
piness has  many  more  possibilities  for  happiness  than 
for  misery,  it  can  never  be  said  of  him  while  under 
such  circumstances,  and  faithful  to  his  trust,  "  that  he 
had  better  not  to  have  been  born."  And  to  infer  that 
the  creation  of  such  a  being  could  have  been  a  blun- 
der in  the  Divine  economy,  alihongh  lie  should  be 
unfaithful  to  his  trust,  would  be  about  as  correct  an 
inference,  as  that  the  abuse  of  God's  mercies  by  our 
own  voluntary  wickedness  would  imply  any  just  re* 
flection  upon  the  character  of  that  gracious  being  b} 
whom  they  had  been  bestowed. 

On  the  subject  of  opposite  possibilities,  it  auMit 
always  to  be  kept  in  mind,  that  although  two  oppo- 
site propositions  may  both  be  abstractedly  possible, 
4hey  may  not  be  equally  feasible.  Thus,  it  is  possi- 
ble for  any  human  being,  ihat  enjoys  freedom  in  mo- 
ral action,  to  be  saved,  and  it  is  possible  for  any  such 
human  being  to  perish  ;  but  these  two  possibilities 


397 


are  not  equally  feasible.  The  motives  on  one  side 
are  greater  than  those  on  the  other ;  the  agency  on 
the  side  of  salvation,  outnumbers  those  on  the  other 
side,  as  far  as  may  consist  with  moral  liberty,  and  a 
single  possibility  of  ultimate  failure.  Therefore, 
there  is  a  large  overbalance  of  motive  on  the  side  of 
salvation ;  yet  notwithstanding,  any  incorrigible  sin- 
ner may  possibly  remain  finally  impenitent. 

On  the  subject  of  possibiHties,  one  author  says, 
"  Every  supposable  thing,  the  actual  production  of 
which  would  not  involve  any  real  contradiction,  either 
physical,  mental,  or  moral,  must,  in  itself,  be  abstract- 
edly possible  ;  but,  on  the  contrary,  it  is  equally 
plain,  that  every  supposable  thing,  the  actual  produc- 
tion of  which  would  involve  any  real  contradiction, 
cannot  be  in  itself  even  abstractedly  possible,  but 
must  be  absolutely  and  eternally  impossible. 

"That  abstract  possibility  itself  must  have  defina- 
ble bounds  and  immutable  limits,  beyond  wliich  it 
cannot  pass  ;  and  that  there  are  supposable  things 
which  the  power  of  an  infinite  Being  could  never  be 
able  to  bring  into  actual  existence,  is  a  clear,  and  pal- 
pable, and  intuitive  truth.  And  thus  it  will  appear 
t/iat  the  human  imagination  is  able  to  produce  imagi- 
nary associations,  which  no  power  in  earth  or  heaven 
is  able  to  associate  in  fast  and  actual  existence.  The 
human  fancy  can  associate  happiness  with  impiety 
toward  God.  It  can  presume  on  final  happiness,  af» 
ter  a  life  of  incorrigible  rebellion,  and  final  impeni- 
tence. It  can  believe  that  this  material  world  had  no 
immaterial  and  eternal  creator  ;  it  can  believe  that  a 


¥ 


li 


398 


fc 


future  event  may  be  the  object  of  a  certain  anticipa- 
tion, while  the  real,  and  actual  existence  of  that  event 
is  perfectly  fortuitous  ;  it  can  believe  a  thousand  other 
things,  that  are  equally  supposable  to  the  human  im- 
agination, but  would  be  equally  contradictory. 

**  In  relation  to  the  existence  of  opposite  possibili- 
ties, it  may  be  argued  that  before  the  creation  of  this 
world  had  taken  place,  it  was  abstractedly  possible 
for  such  a  world  as  this  to  be  created,  and  it  was 
equally  possible  that  such  a  world  as  this  might  never 
be  created  ;  but  its  creation,  and  its  non-creation  arc 
perfectly  incapable  of  co-existence,  and  therefore, 
since  this  world  has  been  created,  it  is  no  longer  pos- 
sible that  such  a  world  as  this  may  not  be  created. 

**  The  sophism  which  would  argue  an  actual  cer- 
tainty from  an  abstract  possibility,  may  claim  a  mo- 
ment's notice  in  this  place,  ft  has  been  speciously  ar- 
gued, that  since  the  reader  is  now  actually  perusing 
what  I  have  written,  it  was  therefore  certain  from  all 
eternity,  that  at  the  present  moment  he  would  be  so 
employed.  It  does  not  much  excite  our  wonder, 
when  we  hear  illiterate  people  talking  away  in  such 
a  random  manner ;  but  it  is,  I  confess,  more  than 
marvelous,  to  hear  grave  and  learned  doctors  pro- 
pound such  a  sophistical  proposition  in  the  name  of 
argument*  If  a  person  would  only  distinguish  be- 
tween abstract  possibility  and  actual  existence,  the 
case  would  be  perfectly  intelligible.  It  would  then 
stand  as  follows  : — since  my  reader  is  now  actually 
perusing  what  I  have  written,  it  was  always  possible 
that  at  this  present  time  he  might  be  so  employed ; 


\ 


399 

but  it  was,  prior  to  the  present  moment,  equally  pos- 
sible that  at  this  time  he  might  not  be  so  employed  ;  up 
to  the  present  time,  both  alternatives  of  the  possibili- 
ty were  equally  possible  ;  but  since  my  reader  is  now 
actually  perusing  the  productions  of  my  pen,  it  now 
is  no  longer  possible  that  at  the  present  moment  he 
may  not  be  so  employed,  for  by  the  actual  transpira- 
tion of  the  positive  possibility,  the  negation  therefore 
has  been  actually  annihilated. 

**  Here,  then,  we  come  to  the  final  conclusion, 
which  is,  that  between  the  alternatives  of  abstract 
possibilities,  there  is  always  to  be  found  a  mental,  or 
a  moral,  or  a  physical  contingency  ;  since  both  the 
negative  and  positive  alternations  are  equally  capable 
of  being  brought  into  actual  existence,  and  each  of 
them  is  just  as  capable  as  the  other  of  being  com- 
pletely destroyed  by  the  actual  transpiration  of  the  op- 
posite alternative.  It  is  possible  I  may  be  eternally 
saved  ;  such  arc  the  advantages  of  my  probationary 
state,  and  such  arc  its  awful  responsibilities,  that  it  is 
equally  possible  I  may  be  eternally  lost ;  and  be- 
tween this  appalling  alternative,  there  lies  a  momen- 
tous contingency  which  will  continue  to  hang  in  fear- 
ful suspense  over  the  issue  of  my  life,  until  my  hap- 
piness or  misery  shall  render  one  of  these  possibili- 
ties an  everlasting  reality,  and  annihilate  the  other 
possibility  for  ever  and  ever.  But  until  one  of  these 
events  shall  actually  transpire,  the  issue  of  my  life 
will  be  as  much  a  contingency  to  the  infinite  mind  of 
God,  as  to  the  narrow  intelligence  of  my  own  finite 
understanding.     Contingencies  are  identified  with  all 


v    '2 


400 


moral  agency,  whether  created  or  uncreated,  and 
every  attempt  to  subject  them  to  the  rules  of  rigid 
certainty,  or  reduce  them  to  the  regular  proportions 
of  physical  causes  and  effect,  would  be  nothing  bet- 
ter than  an  outrage  on  human  liberty,  and  a  libel  on 
the  moral  government  of  God." 

On  reading  these  extracts,  I  concluded  that  the  Di- 
vine Omniscience  was  clearly  vindicated,  v/ithout  con- 
founding it  with  predestination.     But  another  difficul- 
ty was,  to  understand  the  arguments  of  the  anti-pre- 
destinarians  in  their  laboring  to  prove  a  certain  know^ 
ledge  of  an  events  that  was  in  fact  a  contingency  - 
I  had  embraced  the  doctrine,  that  God  knew  all  events 
and  things ;  if  an   event  was  certain,  God  knew  it 
was  certain,  if  it  was  contingent,   God  knew  it  was 
contingent.     Also,  I  had  embraced  the  doctrine  that 
God  knew  all  possibilities,  and  if  they  only  meant  by 
certain  knowledge  to  know  all   that  can  possibly  be 
done  by   God  himself,  and  all  that  his  creatures  can 
possibly   do,  though    all  has    never  been  done,  that 
might    have  been  done  ;    in   this  sense,   the    word 
certain     knowledge,     would     not     have    militated 
against    the    free   agency    of    God,    nor    the    mo- 
ral agency  of  human  beings.     But  to  know  an  event 
to  be  certain,  aijd  that  same  event  to  be  contingent, 
appeared  to  me  to  be  a  contradiction,  or  a  confusion 
of  language.     But  one  author,  in  defending  the  cer- 
tain knowledge  of  an  event  that  he  allows  to  be  con- 
tingent, says — 

"  The  great  fallacy  in  the  argument,  that  the  cer- 
tain prescience  of  a  moral  action  destroys  its  contin- 


401 


gent  nature,  lies  in  supposing  that  contingency  and 
certainty  are  the  opposiles  of  each  other.  It  is,  per- 
haps, unfortunate  that  a  word  which  is  of  figurative 
etymology,  and  which  consequently  can  only  have  an 
ideal  application  to  such  subjects,  should  have  grown 
into  common  use  in  this  discussion,  because  it  is 
more  liable  on  that  account,  to  present  itself  to  differ- 
ent minds  under  different  shades  of  meaning.  If  how- 
ever, the  term  contingent  in  this  controversy,  has 
any  definite  meaning  at  all,  as  applied  to  the  moral 
actions  of  men,  it  must  mean  their  freedom,  and 
stands  opposed  not  to  certainty,  but  to  necessity.  A 
free  action  is  a  voluntary  one  ;  and  an  action  which 
results  from  the  choice  of  the  agent,  is  distinguished 
from  a  necessary  one,  in  this,  that  it  might  not  have 
been,  or  have  been  otherwise,  according  to  the  self- 
determining  power  of  the  agent.  It  is  with  reference 
to  this  specific  quality  of  a  free  action,  that  the  term 
contingency  is  used  ;  it  might  have  been  otherwise, 
in  other  words,  it  was  not  necessitated.  Contingency 
in  moral  actions,  is,  therefore,  their  freedom,  and  is 
opposed  not  to  certainty,  but  to  necessity.  The  very 
nature  of  this  controversy  fixes  this  as  the  precise 
meaning  of  the  term.  The  question  is  not,  in  point 
of  fact,  about  the  certainty  of  moral  actions,  that  is, 
whether  they  will  happen  or  not.  Those  who  advo- 
cate this  theory,  care  not  about  the  certainty  of  ac- 
tions, simply  considered,  that  is,  whether  they  will 
take  place  or  not ;  the  reason  why  they  object  to  a 
certain  prescience  of  moral  action  is,  that  they  con- 
clude, that  such  a  prescience  renders  them  necessary. 


v' 


% 


•  t    ; 


402 

It  is  the  quality  of  the  action  for  which  they  contend, 
not  whether  it  will  happen  or  not.  If  contingency 
nfieant  uncertainty^  the  sense  in  which  such  theorists 
lake  it,  the  dispute  would  be  at  an  end.^^ 

On  reading  this,  I  paused  to  consider  it ;  "  the  dis- 
pute would  be  at  an  end ;"  so  then,  the   whole  dis- 
pute turns  on  the  definition  of  the  word  contingent ; 
I  then  began  to  analyze  the  subject.  Our  author  says, 
1st.  '' It  is  perhaps,  unfortunate'^    Well,  "perAops'* 
and    ^' unfortunate^''  both  imply   contingency.      2d. 
**  That  a  word  of  figurative  etymology  ^     Why,  all 
words  are  figures  of  speech.     But,  3d.  **  If  however, 
the  term  contingent  has  any  definite  meaning  at  alV^ 
Is  there  a  doubt  of  its  meaning  ?     The  dictionary  de- 
fines it   to  mean  any  thing  falling  out  by  chance,  or 
any  thing  in  the  hands  of  chance.     Is  not  chance  an 
uncertain  thing  ?     But,  4th,   our  author  says,    "  ii 
means  their  freedom,  and  stands  opposed  to  necessity^ 
and  not  to  certainty ^     Again,  our  dictionary  tells  us 
that    certainty  means    exemption  from  doubt,  that 
which  is  real  and  fixed.     "  Freedom  agrees  with  con- 
tingency," they  say,   but   how  does   certainty  agree 
with  freedom  ?     Necessity  and  certainty  agree  well 
together.     For  we  apply  the    term  necessity  to  any 
thing  which   cannot  be  avoided  ;  and  we  apply  the 
term  certainty  to  anything  that  will  infallibly   take 
place  ;  we  regard  necessity   as  being  applicable  to 
causation,  and  we  regard  certainty  as  being  applicable 
to  issue  ;  we  say  of  anything    which  is  necessary, 
that  it  must  be  ;  and  we  say  of  any  thing  whidh  is 


V.>' • 


403 

certain,  that  it  will  be.     So  that  there  is  only  a  philo- 
logical difference  in  the  terms. 

But  our  author,  in  another  place,  quotes  the  Scrip- 
ture :  "  Known  unto  God  are  all  his  works,  from  the 
beginning  of  the  world,"  he  adds,  "  or  rather  from  all 
eternity."  .  If  from  all  eternity,  we  must  consider  the 
knowledge  of  God  as  unoriginated  as  God  himself. 
Eternity  has  no  beginning.  When  we  say  God's 
knowledge,  or  his  decrees,  or  his  acts,  we  understand 
something  that  originated  from  him,  and  not  a  some- 
thing that  is  unoriginated  ;  for  none  but  God  is  un- 
originated, none  but  God  is  absolutely  Divine  or  eter- 
nal. The  Calvinists  talk  of  eternal  decrees,  as  though 
a  decree  was  unoriginated,  and  not  an  act  of  him  who 
alone  is  the  only  unoriginated  being  that  existed  be- 
fore his  acts.  They  might  as  well  talk  of  an  eternal 
creation,  and  so  rob  the  Deity  of  the  glory  of  his  works. 

But,  inasmuch  as  some  words  are  considered  by 
some  of  figurative  etymology  ;  it  may  be  proper  *to 
define  my  meaning  of  the  words  wisdom  and  know- 
ledge more  particularly.  I  have  said,  wisdom  W£^s 
essential  to  the  Divine  existence,  but  the  knowledge 
of  any  thing  beyond  his  own  hypostasis  was  not  es- 
sential to  his  existence.  I  consider  wisdom  a  power 
to  judge  rightly,  or  to  perceive.  But  knowledge  is  a 
perception  of  what  is,  or  may  be.  The  Divine  Be- 
ing can  exist  without  the  existence  of  his  creatures  ; 
but  he  could  not  exist  without  wisdom.  These  fig- 
ures of  speech,  I  hope,  will  be  profitable  to  the  reader. 
The  advocates  for  eternal  prescience,  refer  to  the 
predictions  of  our  Lord,  concerning  the  destruction 


-Ji 


St 


* 


f  8i 


404 

of  Jerusalem  by  the  Romans.  This,  one  author  says, 
"was  predicted  most  circumstantially  ?"  But  all  the 
ciicumstances  in  the  case,  they  have  not  noticed. 
Our  Lord,  in  reference  to  the  lime,  says,  **  of  that  day 
and  that  hour,  knoweth  no  man,  no,  not  the  angels, 
neither  the  Son,  but  the  Father  only."  They  say  the 
Father  knew.  If  the  Father  knew,  and -the  Son  did 
not,  then  the  son  was  not  Dirine,  "  Ah  !"  they  said, 
"  he  knew  as  God,  but  he  did  not  know  as  man." 
No,  sir,  not  so  ;  Christ  never  calls  himself  the  Son  of 
God,  without  meaning  his  Divinity.  The  true  sense 
of  this  passage  is  this,  it  was  with  the  Father  to  fix  the 
day  and  hour,  and  he  had  not  fixed  it.  "  Oh,"  they 
would  say,  "yes  he  had."  Well,  if  he  had  fixed  the 
day  and  hour,  and  had  not  shown  it  to  the  Son,  then 
this  text  cannot  be  true,  which  says,  "  The  Father 
loveth  the  Son,  and  showeth  him  all  things  that  him- 
self doeth." — John  5  :  20.  He  had  not  showed  this 
tofiim.  It  was  evident  that  great  trouble  and  dis- 
tress would  attend  the  destruction  of  that  city  ;  there- 
fore our  Lord  said,  "Except  those  days  be  shortened, 
no  flesh  (that  is  no  human  life)  can  be  saved  ;  but  for 
the  elect  sake  he  will  shorten  the  days."  Now,  I 
ask,  which  time,  did  even  the  Father  know  certain, 
the  final  event  would  lake  place — the  longest  time, 
or  the  shortest  time  ?  And  here  I  would  remark, 
that  the  prophecies  in  the  Scriptures  were  not  design- 
ed to  prove  an  eternal  prescience,  but  to  demonstrate 
the  infinite  agency  of  God,  in  the  government  of  the 
world.  Why  do  we  pray  for  blessings  ?  If  all  is  cer- 
tain, as  the  Calvinists  hold  it  to  be,  our  prayers  wonH 


'i 


405 

alter  it ;  we  have  no  encouragement,  no  ground  for 
our  faith.  The  Deists  don't  pray,  because  they  also 
believe  that  all  things  are  as  certain  as  the  throne  of 
God,  or  as  their  own  existence  ;  they  have  no  faith  in 
prayer. 

Why  is  it,  that  none  of  those  who  advocate  both 
certainty  and  contingency,  have  not  marked  a  distinction 
between  them,  is  to  me  very  surprising ;  as  it  was 
men  of  great  classical  science  that  wrote.  I  thought 
Dr.  A.  Clarke  would  mark  the  distinction.  But  alas  ! 
I  was  astonished,  that  after  allowing  that  "  God  was 
an  infinite  free  agent,"  he  solves  all  into  an  "  eternal 
NOW."  And  concludes  that  "  God  lives  in  all  past 
eternity,  and  in  all  future  eternity  the  same,  at  the 
same  time."  He  therefore  knows  most  certainly,  all 
the  past  events,  and  he  must  know  as  certainly,  all 
the  future  events  ;  this  is  called  unsuccessive  exist- 
ence. Therefore,  this  is  allowing  all  that  is  contend- 
ed for  by  the  advocates  of  eternal  prescience.  All 
events,  past,  present  and  to  come,  are  as  certain  as 
noiu. 

In  paying  particular  attention  to  this  notion  of  eter- 
nal NOW,  I  perceived  it  involved  the  same  doctrine,  of 
those  that  contended  for  a  certain  prescience  of  an 
event  that  was  in  fact  contingent,  and  that  there  can 
be  no  such  thing  as  foreknowledge  in  the  Divine  Be- 
ing, nor  afterknowlcdge.  It  is  all  present  knowledge. 
I  thouglit  my  labor  to  explain  this  subject  of  fore- 
knowledge would  not  be  clear  and  plain,  unless  I  re- 
futed this  notion  of  an  eternal  now.  And  if  I  have 
succeeded  to  make  it  plain   to  the  reader,  I  hope  it 


•f 


40G 


will  be  an  everlasting  quiescence   to  ihe  notion  that 
confounds  certainty  with  contingency. 

Those  who  advocate  the  notion  of  eternal  now,  pre- 
tend 10  say  that  the  difference  between  time  and  eter- 
nity  is  that  which  lies  between  successive  and  unsuc- 
cessive  existence.     As  it  has  been  strangely  conceiv- 
ed, that  as  an  infinite  being  must  occupy  at  once  all 
the  infinitude  of  unbounded  expansion,  so  an  eternal 
being   must  occupy  at  once,  and  in  one  indivisible 
point  of  duration,  all  the  infinite  continuity  of  an  eter- 
nal existence.     Whereas,   every   person's   common 
sense  would  tell  him,  that  all  which  possibly  can  be 
implied  in  an  infinite  and  eternal  existence,  may  be 
easily  expressed,  in  these  intelligible  words,  "  Living 
everywhere  at  once,  and  living  every  where  forever  ^ 
Buttolalkoflivingalwaysand  every  where  in  one  indi- 
vidual point  of  present  duration,  which  is  the  notion 
of  unsuccessive  existence,  is   to  talk  unintelligibly, 
and  to  assert  what  no  man  living  is  able  either  to  ex- 
plain or  understand. 

Space  is  measurable,  and  so  is  duration  ;  that  is  to 
say,  all  finite  quantities  are  measurable,  both  of  space 
and  duration.     But  measurable  quantities  are  rcduc- 
able  to  an  indivisible  point,  either  of  space  or  dura- 
tion ;  and  much  less  would  it  be  possible  to  compress 
an  inaugmentable  quantity  into  an  indivisible  quanti- 
ty, either  of  space  or  duration,  either  of  extension 
or  continuance  of  being.     And  yet  the  notion  of  un- 
successive existence  in  the  Deity,  involves  these,  and 
many  other  contradictions  equally  obvious  and  equal- 
ly absurd.     A  cubic  foot  is  a  real  part  of  the  Divine 


407 

eternity,  and  a  single  hour  is  a  real  part  of  the  Divine 
eternity,  and  the  person  who  would  be  able  to  anni- 
hilate the  space  occupied  by  a  single  cubic  foot,  or 
the  duration  of  onn  hour,  would  be  able  to  annihilate 
the  Deity  himself.  Parts  of  infinite  duration,  and  in- 
finite expansion  are  obviously  real,  and  for  this  plain 
reason,  that  if  they  were  but  deducted  from  the  whole 
sum,  the  remainder  would  be  less  than  infinite,  and 
yet  no  numerical  collection  of  finite  quantities,  would 
amount  to  an  infinite  sum. 

The  most  imposing  form  in  which  the  notion  of  un- 
succesive  existence  has  been  proposed,  is  the  follow- 
ing :  "  Eternal  existence,  they  say,  must  exclude 
both  beginning  and  end,  and  consequently  there  can 
be  no  first,  and  no  second,  and  no  third."  But  why 
do  they  not  add,  and  so  on  ^^  ad  infinitum  ?^^  This 
argument  has  been  received  with  such  implicit  sub- 
mission, and  has  been  rendered  so  popular,  that  its 
advocates  are  quite  astonished  to  hear  its  validity  call- 
ed in  question.  It  is  true,  where  there  is  no  begin- 
ning of  existence  there  can  be  no  first  existence  ;  and 
yet  we  are  perfectly  certain,  that  the  actions  of  an 
infinite  being,  must  admit  of  a  numerical  augmenta- 
tion, or  otherwise  there  would  be  an  end  tohis  actions, 
and  consequently  to  his  being.  Unoriginated  exis- 
tence precludes  the  bounds  of  number,  but  it  cannot 
preclude  the  order  of  succession  ;  we  are  certain  that 
existence  cannot  be  stationary,  that  it  must  be  suc- 
cessive, and  for  these  reasons,  the  flow  of  existence 
must  be  uniform  and  unceasing,  and  that  cannot  re- 
main for  two  successive  moments  the  same.     And 


:i^. 


t^ 


i! 


408 


aU!i^gh  il  cannot  be  said  of  any  act  performed  by 
an  eternal  being,  that  it  stands  in  an  ordinal -relation 
to  the  first  act,  yet  it  must  stand  in  an  ordinal 
relation  to  the  act  that  went  before  it,  and  to 
the  act  that  may   follow  after  it,   in   the  conduct  of 

God. 

The  erroneous   notion  of  an  eternal  now,  arises 
from  not  distinguishing  between  the  eternal  necessity 
and  stability  of  the  Divine  conduct.     Action  implies 
existence,  and  successive  acts  implies  successive  ex- 
istence.    But  confounding  indefinite  with  inaugment- 
able  quantities,  the  mind  is  betrayed   into  the  most 
egregious  blunders.     The  quantity  of  the  past  exis- 
lence  of  the  Deity  is  infinite  and  inaugmentable,  be- 
cause it  is  unoriginated,  but  it  is  not  for  that  reason 
infinite  in  quantity  and  therefore  inaugmentable  ;  for 
although  its   present   aggregation   is   immeasurable, 
yet  it   must  admit  of  augmentation,  world  without 
end  !     One  of  the  best  conceptions  which  we  are  able 
to  form  of  the  eternity  of  the  Divine  existence  is  that 
which  is  suggested  to  us  by  the  Psalmist  in  these 
words,   "  T1k)U  'hast  been  our  dwelling  place  in  all 
generations,"  and  therefore  the  Deity  must  have  ex- 
isted  along   with   all  those    successive  generations. 
Again,  he  says,    "  from  everlasting   to  everlasting, 
ihou  art  God."     No  words  could  possibly  convey  a 
more  clear  and  decided  conception  of  progressive  ex- 
istence, than  these  words,  "  from  everlasting  to  ever- 
lasting." 

Those  who  advocate   the  notion   of  eternal  now, 
pretend   to  say  that  the  difference  between  time  and 


409 


eternity  is  that  which  lies  between  successive  and 
unsuccessive  existence.  I  would  ask  such  persons 
whether  they  really  mean  by  the  word  successive, 
any  thing  else  than  continued  existence  ?  For  my 
part,  I  employ  these  terms  as  being  synonymous. 
And  therefore  I  attribute  it  alike  to  finite  and  infinite 
existence.  The  Greek  word  eonion  translated  ever- 
lasting, signifies  continued,  or  any  thing  that  is  con- 
tinued, the  Greeks  call  eonion.  A  preacher  of  Uni- 
versalism  challenged  me  to  produce  one  text  in  the 
Bible  that  demonstrated  an  interminable  punishment 
of  the  wicked.  1  quoted  these  words,  "  They  shall 
be  punished  with  everlasting  destruction."  "  Ah  ! 
sir,"  said  he,  "  the  Greek  word  translated  everlast- 
ing is  eonion,^^  I  asked  if  the  Greeks  did  not  have  a 
signification  to  their  words  ?  and  if  the  word  eonion 
did  not  signify  any  thing  continued?  He  allowed  it 
did.  I  then  asked  him  to  explain  to  me  when  con- 
tinned  punishment  would  end  ?  He  declined  an  an- 
swer. So  I  think  those  will  do  who  advocate 
eternal  now,  by  pretending  to  unsuccessive  exis- 
tence. 

But  even  if  the  point  of  unsuccessive  existence  in 
the  Deity  were  fully  ceded  to  the  advocates  of  an  in- 
augmentable knowledge,  they  would  still  have  a  for- 
midable difficulty  to  get  over,  before  they  would  fair- 
ly establish  their  doctrine.  They  must  not  only 
prove  their  assertion  of  unsuccessive  existence  in  the 
Deity,  but  they  must  prove  that  every  other  being 
exists  alike  in  the  past,  the  present,  and  the  future, 

18 


iWI- 


410 


and  that  the  Divine  knowledge  is  like  himself,  the 
subject  of  an  unoriginated   and   unlimited  existence. 
Before  the  Deity  could  have  a  present  knowledge  of 
my  future  existence,  I  myself  must  have  an  actual 
existence,  and  a  present  existence  in  the  future.     If 
all  eternity,  as  ihey  are  pleased  to  say,  is  now  present  to 
him,  then  of  course  all  eternity  must  have  a  present 
existence.  Thus  it  appears  that  the  doctrine  of  eternal 
nowj  like  the  doctrine   of  a  certain  knowledge  of  a 
contingent  event,  must  be  equally  applied  to  all  exis- 
'  tence,  created  and  uncreated,  and  to  all  occurrences, 
past,  present,  and  to  come  ;  and  therefore  the  follow- 
ing alternative  must  await  the  abetiors  of  these  theo- 
ries, and  upon  one  of  the  horns  of  this   formidable 
dilemma,  they  must  eventually  be  transfixed.     Either 
they  must  deny  a  continuance  of  existence,  and  also 
deny  that   actual   existence  is  essential  to  a  certain 
knowledge  ;  or  else  they  must  believe  that  all  exis- 
tence, both   past,  present,  and  to   come,   possesses 
an     unoriginated,     unchangeable,     and     everlasting 

being. 

The  following  Scripture  has  been  quoted  for  the 
purpose  of  supporting  the  notion  of  unsuccessive  ex- 
istence, and  also  for  supporting  a  certain  prescience 
of  contingent  events  ;  but  how  adapted  it  is  to  such 
purposes,  we  shall  know  hereafter.  The  Apostle 
■peaks  of  the  **  faith  of  Abraham  before  God,  who 
quickeneth  the  dead,  and  calleth  those  things  that  are 
not,  as  though  they  were." — Rom.  4:  17.  Now  if 
the  Scripture  had  affirmed  in  plain  words,  that  God 
actually  maketh  things  to  be,  and  not  to  be,   at  the 


< 


411 

same  timf ,  it  might  indeed  have  been  a  fortunate  tes- 
timony for  the  doctrine  of  an  inaugmentable  know- 
ledge in  the  Deity  ;  but  since  it  only  says,  the  Deity 
speaks  of  future  events,  as  though  they  had  actually 
transpired,  the  theory  of  unsuccessive  existence  falls 
to  the  ground  ;  for  although  the  Deity,  in  all  absolute 
prophecy,  speaks  of  future  events,  which  he  has  de- 
creed should  lake  place,  as  though  they  had  actually 
transpired ;  yet  he  does  not,  by  such  predictions, 
gi\c  a  present  existence  to  those  predicted  events, 
neither  does  he  affirm  in  those  predictions  that  such 
events  had  actually  transpired,  but  being  the  objects 
of  an  absolute  decree,  they  therefore  become  the  ob- 
jects of  certainly,  and  may  be  spoken  of  and  acted 
upon  with  as  much  confidence  by  human  beings,  as 
things  may  be  spoken  of  and  acted  upon  which  have 
already  taken  place. 

To  talk  of  an  act  that  has  no  real  existence,  neither 
was  it  decreed  of  God  that  such  an  act  should  exist, 
is  to  talk  of  nothing.  If  it  had  have  been  decreed,  it 
would  have  had  a  seminal  existence.  But  to  talk  of 
a  certain  foreknowledge  of  a  future  event,  that  is  not 
decreed,  is  to  talk  of  an  event  that  has  no  cause  of 
existence  ;  it  may  be,  and  it  may  not  be,  therefore  it 
is  uncertain — as  they  acknowledge  that  a  contingent 
act  **  is  one  that  may  be,  or  may  not  be."  And  to 
clear  the  subject  from  any  necessity  of  a  certain  act, 
they  represent  man  as  possessing  freedom  to  act,  and 
tliis  "  freedom  stands  opposed  to  necessity  but  not  to 
certainty."  Truly,  a  well  made  clock  possesses  free- 
dom to  run,  and  the   maker  of  it  may  know  certain 


'W!^ 


?«^ 


412 

that   it  will  strike  every  hour ;  and  that  it  will  not 
ftrike  twelve  when  it  strikes  one. 

This*  eternal  prescience,  after  all,  is  nothing  but 
fate  in  disguise.  How  shall  I  form  an  argument  to 
prove  there  was  no  want  of  wisdom,  and  goodness,  or 
power  in  the  Divine  Being,  in  creating  men  that  he 
foreknew  certainly  and  eternally  would  be  miserable, 
and  he  could  not  prevent  it  ?  And  how  can  any  won- 
der that  the  Deists,  and  Universalists,  who  thus  be- 
lieve in  a  certain  prescience,  should  deny  all  future 
punishment  of  sinners  ? 

The  advocates  of  eternal  prescience,  apart  from 
predestination,  are  far  more  inconsistent  than  their 
predestinarian  brethren.  They  believe  in  the  antici- 
pated certainty  of  the  issue  of  human  life,  and  main- 
tain it  with  as  great  tenacity  as  any  fatalists  on  earth 
can  possibly  do ;  and  therefore,  they  have  not  only 
got  the  formidable  task  of  reconciling  the  certainty  of 
the  issue  with  the  righteous  government  of  God,  but 
they  have  a  task  which  is  equally  formidable,  that  is, 
of  reconciling  the  certain  issue  of  life  with  the  free- 
dom of  man.  And  thus  we  see,  the  advocates  of 
eternal  prescience  are  brought  within  as  perplexing  a 
dilemma  as  the  abettors  of  predestination,  and  upon 
either  one  or  other  of  its  horns  they  must  be  trans- 
fixed ;  and  I  call  upon  them  as  ingenious  and  honest 
men,  either  to  reject  their  notion  of  a  certain  pre- 
science of  a  contingent  event,  or  to  renounce  the  doc- 
trine of  human  liberty. 

After  arranging  the  above  arguments,  I  was  better 


413 


satisfied  in  my  own  mind,  on  the  all-important  sub- 
ject of  the  Divine  foreknowledge,  than  I  had  ever 
been ;  I  considered  that  the  infinite  free  agency  of 
God,  in  the  government  of  the  world,  was  better  vin- 
dicated by  these  arguments,  than  by  any  other  that 
had  been  introduced  ;  and  also,  the  moral  agency  of 
man  was  better  established.  1  often  had  to  contend 
for  the  free  agency  of  God,  against  the  doctrines  of 
fate,  held  by  the  Calvinists,  Universalists,  and  Deists. 
I  sometimes  said  to  them,  when  they  appealed  to  fore- 
knowledge to  strengthen  their  argument,  "God  knows 
just  what  he  has  a  mind  to  know,  and  what  he  has 
not  a  mind  to  know,  he  lets  alone.  And  he  does  just 
what  he  has  a  mind  to  do,  and  what  he  has  not  a  mind 
to  do,  he  does  not  do  it."  Some  would  start  at  this, 
and  cry  out,  **  why,  God  knows  all  things  !"  "  O 
yes,  God  knows  all  things,  and  more  too."  **  O  no  ! 
not  more  than  all  things."  '*  Yes,  sir,  all  things  is 
made  up  of  parts,  and  all  the  parts  make  the  whole, 
thereby  you  set  bounds  to  his  knowledge.  Creation 
and.  providence  are  all  things,  beyond  that  is  immen- 
sity, that  precludes  the  bounds  of  number ;  God 
knows  this  and  that  too.  God  knows  all  the  particles 
that  compose  this  vast  creation,  and  can  number  them 
as  he  numbers  the  hairs  of  our  head  ;  but  he  does  not 
know  one  particle  to  exist,  more  than  does  exist ;  yet 
he  might  make  four  or  five  more  and  tuck  them  in  if 
he  chose  to,  and  then  he  would  know  there  was  more 
than  he  knew  before.  Who  will  set  bounds  to  the  • 
omnipotence  of  God?  Yet  there  are  some  things 
that  he  cannot  do.     He  cannot  lie  ;  he  cannot  make 


■  .-Iwti 


414 

a  triangular  circle.  It  no  more  derogates  from  the 
omniscience  of  God,  to  say  he  cannot  know  nothing 
to  be  something,  or  a  lie  to  be  the  truth,  than  it 
derogates  from  his  omnipotence  to  say  he  caa- 
not  lie." 


^iw 


CHAPTER  XX. 


After  three  years  in  a  superannuated  relation,  I 
had  gained  such  a  degree  of  strength  of  lungs,  that  I 
thought  I  could  supply  an  easy  circuit.  I  therefore 
wrote  to  the  Bishop,  stated  my  case  to  him,  and 
named  five  circuits,  either  of  which  I  thought  I  could 
supply.  But  I  was  not  favored  with  either,  for  at  the 
close  of  the  Conference,  I  received  my  appointment 
to  Petersburgh  circuit,  where  I  had  seventeen  ap- 
pointments every  two  weeks  ;  this  was  a  severe  trial 
to  my  faith,  therefore  I  concluded  I  must  favor  my 
self.  So  I  went  on,  and  informed  the  people  that  I 
should  come  to  them  once  in  two  weeks.  They  were 
all  willing,  and  seemed  pleased  that  I  could  preach  as 
often  as  that ;  two  local  preachers  volunteered  to  aid 
me,  so  we  made  a  four  weeks'  circuit  of  it,  and  the 
Lord  poured  out  his  spirit  upon  us,  and  the  work  in- 
creased to  such  a  degree  that  we  had  to  employ  an- 
other preacher  before  the  year  was  out. 

When  the  presiding  elder  came  to  my  first  quarter- 
ly meeting,  I  asked  him  who  was  the  cause  of  my  ap- 
pointment to  this  circuit,  and  why  the  Bishop  had  not 
egarded  my  request.     He  said,  *'  I  was  the  cause,  for 


i 


416 

the  friends  on  this  circuit  urged  me  to  have  you  ap- 
pointed here.  I  knew  the  circuit  was  at  a  low  ebb, 
and  if  any  one  could  raise  it  up  it  would  be  you,  and 
I  believe  I  acted  for  the  good  of  the  cause."  "  That 
may  be,  but  I  doubt  whether  it  will  be  for  my  good. 
I  have  been  sick  for  three  years,  and  now  scarcely 
able  to  preach  three  times  a  week,  much  less  seven- 
teen times  in  two  weeks  ;  besides,  I  am  in  debt,  and 
my  recent  sickness  has  much  increased  my  debts. — 
This  circuit  cannot  afford  me  half  the  Conference  al- 
bwance,  so  I  see  nothing  but  distress  and  privation 
before  me.  I  have  made  a  four  weeks'  circuit  of  it, 
and  the  friends  are  w^l  satisfied."  "  Well,"  said  he, 
"  go  on,  we  will  do  the  best  we  can  for  you."  We 
did  so,  and  I  found  much  to  be  thankful  for — about 
eighty  professed  to  be  converted,  and  we  had  about 
sixty  net  increase  that  year  ;  so  the  circuit  prosper- 
ed, and  has  been  increasing  since,  so  that  now  they 
have  five  preachers  to  supply  them,  and  pay  each  of 
them  double  to  what  they  paid  me. 

The  next  year  I  was  stationed  with  brother  P. 
Cook,  on  Salisbury  circuit.  This  was  a  prosperous 
and  pleasant  circuit.  Here  we  got  our  quarterage  in 
full,  which  was  the  first  time  I  had  ever  got  it  on  a 
circuit ;  this  helped  me  some  out  of  debt,  as  I  was 
enabled  to  pay  a  little  more  than  the  interest.  We 
had  a  good  revival  of  religion,  and  good  fellowship 
among  the  brethren.  The  next  year  I  had  brother 
N.  Bigelow  for  my  colleague  ;  he  had  the  charge, 
and  we  had  prosperous  times,  both  spiritually  and 
temporally.     On  this  circuit,  sister  Church,  and  sis- 


417 

ter  Brinsmade,  proposed,  that  as  I  was  then  owing 
$900,  that  ninety  of  the  brethren  and  sisters  should 
each  give  $10,  and  so  clear  me  from  debt.  They 
came  short  of  it.  However,  they  succeeded  to  raise 
$332,  and  I  saved  $80;  so  that  I  paid  near  $400  be- 
sides the  interest.  This  was  a  great  help  to  me.  But 
my  health  declined,  I  had  many  turns  of  bleeding 
from  the  lungs,  which  weakened  me  so  that  when  I 
had  done  preaching,  I  was  not  able  to  meet  class. 
This  was  a  great  grief  to  me. 

The  next  year  I  was  stationed  on  Tyringham  cir- 
cuit. Here  also  I  had  to  preach  three  limes  on 
the  Sabbath,  which  so  increased  my  disease,  and  I 
bled  so  frequently,  that  I  was  laid  up  for  several 
weeks,  and  disappointed  my  congregations.  This  also 
was  a  great  grief  tome. 

At  this  time  my  son  Freeborn  was  called  to  preach, 
and  had  attended  some  of  my  appointments  when  I 
was  sick.  The  presiding  elder  wanted  him  on  the 
Piltsfield  circuit.  I  knew  not  how  to  spare  him.  He 
was  then  seventeen  years  old,  and  the  only  son  I  had 
to  work  on  the  farm,  and  be  company  for  his  mother. 
,  I  said  to  the  presiding  elder,  "  if  you  lake  him,  you 
will  deprive  me  of  his  services  on  the  farm,  which  I 
can  now  illy  afford,  as  I  am  unable  to  hire  a  man  to 
supply  his  place.  But  before  I  give  my  full  consent. 
my  wife  must  be  consulted,  and  her  consent  obtain- 
ed, forasmuch  as  she  has  suffered  by  my  being  so 
much  from  home  in  her  younger  days,  and  as  he  is 
the  only  son  I  have  left  to  be  with  her  in  her  old  age, 

18* 


il 


418 

1  cannot  think  of  leaving  her  alone  as  1  have  done." 
He  said,  "  that's  right,  she  ought  to  be  consulted." 
I  mentioned  this  request  to  her,  and  after  a  long  and 
serious  consideration,  she  said,  "  Well,  he  raust  go." 
"  Why,  how  can  you  spare  him  ?"  "  Well,  how  did 
I  spare  you,  thirty  years  ago  ?"  **  Why,  then  you 
were  young,  and  the  children  were  with  you,  but  now 
you  will  be  left  alone  and  unprotected,  and  I  am  fear- 
ful you  will  suffer  as  you  have  done  heretofore — your 
age,  too,  demands  society  and  assistance.'*  **  Well," 
said  she,  "  it  is  evident  that  the  Lord  calls  him  to 
preach,  as  much  so  as  that  he  called  you,  and  we 
must  not  oppose  the  Lord.  No,  no,  we  must  not  op- 
pose the  Lord."  "  But,"  said  I,  "  how  are  we  to 
equip  him  for  the  work,  or  even  furnish  him  with  a 
horse  ?  We  have  but  two  ;  I  require  one,  and  if  the 
other  is  taken  how  can  we  get  the  corn  ploughed  out? 
and  if  he  goes  too,  how  shall  we  even  get  the  corn 
hoed  ?  I  am  not  able  to  pay  a  hired  man."  "  Well,' 
she  replied,  "I  don't  know  now  how  it  will  be,  or 
how  we  shall  get  along,  but  we  must  trust  the  Lord — 
he  has  been  to  us  a  sure  help  in  time  of  need,  and  his 
promises  have  never  failed  us."  So  she  not  only 
consented,  but  urged  his  departure  for  the  work  of 
the  ministry. 

Freeborn  thought  that  he  could  work  on  the  farm, 
on  his  rest  days,  sufficient  to  secure  the  fall  crops, 
but  his  rest  days  were  rainy  days,  or  devoted  to  the 
studies  of  his  calling.  So  the  corn  got  neglected, 
and  we  tost  the  crop. 

He  travelled  the  circuit  for  three  months,  aiad  re- 


419 

ceived  $17.  This  was  poor  pay  for  the  loss  of  the 
corn  and  other  fall  crops — besides,  my  own  receipts 
were  much  diminished  from  what  they  were  on  the 
circuits  in  Connecticut,  and  I  said,  *'  this  will  not  do, 
I  preach  for  half  pay,  because  the  friends  on  my  cir- 
cuit are  not  able  to  contribute  more,  yet  I  do  not  com- 
plain of  my  short  allowance  ;  but  I  do  not  see  how  I 
can  afford  to  supply  another  circuit  on  the  same  terms. 
So  Freeborn  came  home. 

About  this  time  he  was  very  desirous  to  get  to  the 
Wilbraham  School,  for  the  purpose  of  perfecting  his 
studies,  and  particularly  in  Greek  and  Hebrew,  This 
could  not  be  done,  as  I  was  not  able  to  bear  the  ex- 
pense. I  therefore  advised  him  to  carefully  study 
Fletcher's  works,  Reid,  on  the  Mind,  Watson's  The- 
ology, Mosheim's  Ecclesiastical  History,  and  Wes- 
ley's works ;  these  to  be  read  through  in  course, 
three  times,  and  carefully  noted.  He  acceded  to  my 
plan,  and  from  October  to  May,  devoted  his  attention 
principally  to  these  authors,  and  at  the  Conference 
of  that  year,  was  received  on  trial. 

In  thus  giving  up  my  son  at  the  age  of  seventeen, 
we  were  depriving  ourselves  of  much  of  the  comforts 
of  his  society,  independent  of  the  value  of  his  services 
on  the  farm.  Four  years  of  his  services,  at  that 
time,  and  at  his  age,  was  a  matter  of  no  small  moment 
to  us,  butihe  vineyard  of  the  Lord  had  need  of  more 
laborers. 

Our  beloved  sister  Garrettson  wrote  me  word 
about  this  time,  that  she  would  give  $100,  if  Freeborn 
was  received  by  the  Conference.     This  provided  him 


■i 


420 

f^ilh  a  horse,  saddle  and  bridle,  and  $5  over,  lo  piy 
his  expenses  to  his  circuit.  This  supply  was  a  time- 
ly relief  to  me,  for  which  I  thanked  God,  and  sister 
Garrellson. 

My  health  declined.  The  inflammation  of  my 
lungs  increased  to  that  degree,  as  to  deprive  me  of 
speech.  I  therefore,  again,  asked  for  a  superannua- 
ted relation.  I  had  served  the  Church  over  thirty 
years,  and  during  that  time,  never  disappointed  a  con- 
gregation, except  from    sickness,  or  causes  beyond 

my  control. 

I  now  employed  my  time  in  preaching  as  often  as 
my  health  would  permit,  and  writing  for  the  good  of 

others. 

When  I  travelled  on  Petersburgh  circuit,  I  had  many 

pleasant  seasons  with  some  Baptist  ministers,  as  well 
as  with  my  Methodist  friends.     Some  of  those  Bap- 
tists were  not  only  pious,  but  well  informed  in  the  es- 
sential doctrines  of  the  (Jospel.     Elder  Lealand,  and 
elder  Hull,  I  was  most  acquainted  with.     Elder  Hull 
was  a  very  pious  clergyman,  and  of  good  information, 
in  all  the  essential  doctrines  of  the  Gospel  and  ordi- 
nances, except  baptism,  its  mode  and  the  subjects  of 
baptism  ;  that  I  thoi^ghl  him  deficient  in.     He  would 
often  introduce  the  doctrine  of  infant  baptism,  and  de- 
sire me  to  defend  il.     I  would  say,  **  O,  brother  Hull, 
you  had  better  not  talk  with  me  on  that  subject,  nor 
on  the  mode  of  baptism,  for  if  you  do,  I  shall  cer- 
tainly convert  you."      I  added,    "some  make   too 
much  of  baptism,  and  some  make  too  little  of  it.     I 
never  thought  baptism  was  essential  to  salvation.     It 


421 

is  only  essential   to   church  membership ;  and  as  1 
never  thought  that  the  weakness  of  any  man's  head 
would  hurt  the  goodness  of  his  heart,  therefore,  a  lit- 
tle difference  of  opinion,  in    what  is  not  essential  to 
salvation,  ought  never  to  mar  or  disturb  Christian  fel- 
lowship."    This  pleasantry  put  off  a  conversation  on 
that  subject  several  limes,  as  I  often  called  to  see 
him.     At  last  he  said,  *'I  fear  you  will  go  off  the 
circuit,   and   you   won't  convert  me."      **  O,   now, 
brother  Hull,  if  you  will  be  converted,  don't  blame 
me  for  il,  for  if  we  converse  on  ihat  subject,  I  shall 
certainly  convert  you,  because  you  are  a  candid  man, 
to  yield  to  the  weight  of  argument,  and  the  force  of 
truth.     And  as  I  shall   take  you  in  a  way  you  never 
thought  of  before,  you  will  yield  to  the  truth  of  it." 
"  Well,  I  want  to  hear  it."     "Well,  then,  in  the  first 
place,  you  believe  that  all  children  that  die  in  infan- 
cy, go  to  hell."     "  No,  I  don't."     "  Ah  !  I  thought 
you  would  deny  il,  because  il  is  not  so  expressed  in 
your  articles  of  faith.     But  it   is  implied  ;  you  don't 
baptize  infants,  because  you  say  they  are  not  believ- 
ers."    "  Yes,  that  is  correct."     "  Well,   then,  they 
must  be  damned,  for  our  Lord  sailh,  *  He  that  believ- 
eth,  shall  be  saved,  and  he  that  believeth  not,  shall  be 
damned.'"     "O,"  said  he,  "  that  was  not  spoken  of 
infant  children  ;  neither  was  it  spoken  of  women,  for 
it  is  in  the  masculine  gender,  he,  so  women  can  go  to 
heaven    without  faith    as  well .  as  infant   children." 
"  Well,  but,"  said  he,  "  do  you  think  infant  children 
are  believers  ?"     "  In  our   Lord's   account  of  them, 
they  were,  but  in  your  account  of  them  they  are  not, 


*        i: 


422 

so  you  and  our  Lord  don't  agree."  *'  Well,  but,  sir, 
have  you  any  Scripture  to  warrant  your  assertion  ?" 
"Yes,  if  you  please  to  look  at  the  18lh  chapter  of 
Matthew,  and  see  if  I  read  right,  *  At  the  same  time 
came  the  disciples  unto  Jesus,  saying,  who  shall  be 
greatest  in  the  kingdom  of  heaven  ?  And  Jesus  call- 
ed a  little  child  unto  him,  and  set  him  in  the  midst  of 
them,  and  said,  verily  I  say  unto  you,  except  ye  be 
converted,  and  become  as  little  children,  ye  shall  not 
enter  into  the  kingdom  of  heaven.'  Now  if  wc  don't 
get  into  heaven,  we  cannot  be  great  there.  But  we'll 
read  on,  *  Whosoever,  therefore,  shall  humble  him- 
self as  this  little  child,  the  same  is  great  in  the  king- 
dom  of  heaven.  And  whoso  shall  receive  one  such 
little  child  in  my  name,  receiveth  me.  But  whoso 
shall  oflfend  one  of  these  little  ones  that  believelb  in 
me.'"  At  this  word,  "  believe  in  me,"  I  stopped  re- 
peating, and  as  he  looked  over,  he  replied,  "  O,  that 
child  meant  a  young  convert."  **  Well,  then,  let  us 
read  it  so  as  to  suit  your  young  convert-  *  At  that 
lime  came  the  disciples  unto  Jesus,  saying,  who  shall 
be  greatest  in  the  kingdom  of  heaven,'  and  he  took  a 
young  convert,  a  man  about  six  feet  high,  and  placed 
him  in  the  midst,  and  said,  '  you,  my  disciples,  have 
been  converted  too  long  to  go  to  heaven,  and  you 
have  too  much  religion  to  go  there,  you  must  have 
but  a  little,  like  this  child.'"  "  O,"  said  he,  "that 
won't  do."  "  Then  the  adverb  little,  must  apply  to 
an  infant,  or  a  very  small  child,  that  was  distinct  from 
an  adult." 

After  a  short  pause,  he  said,  **  But  how  can  they 


423 

believe  on  him  of  whom  they  have  not  heard,  and  how 
can  they  hear  without  a  preacher."  "  Well,  sir,  that 
is  the  text  I  wanted  you  to  bring  forward.  Now, 
sir,  please  to  look  down  to  the  10th  verse,  and  see  if 
I  quote  it  right  :  *  Take  heed,  that  ye  despise  not  one 
of  these  little  ones,'  this  I  will  apply  to  you,  brother 
Hull,  take  heed  that  you  think  not  light  of  the  rights 
and  privileges  of  little  children,  *  for  I  say  unto  you, 
that  in  heaven  thei?'  angels  do  always  behold  the  face 
of  my  father.'  How  is  that  word  spelt,  t-h-e-r-e, 
there  in  that  place,  or  t-h-e-i-r,  theirs."  "  Well,  real- 
ly, it  is  t-h-e-i-r,  but  [  never  noticed  it  before.  Then 
it  means  the  angels  of  these  little  children."  "  An- 
gels are  ministering  spirits,  sent  forth  of  God,  to  min- 
ister to  those  that  shall  be  heirs  of  salvation,'  as  the 
apostle  saith.  Why,  sir,  the  guardian  angels  know 
how  10  preach  Christ  to  a  little  child,  and  the  child 
knows  how  to  understand  the  angel'  better  than  you 

and  I  do.' 

God  has  provided  means  for  the  salvation  of  little 
children.  Angels  are  their  guardians  and  teachers, 
and  watch  over  them.  If  parents  die,  the  civil  au- 
thority appointsguardians  over  their  children,  to  take 
care  of  the  property  that  is  left  them  ;  and  though  the 
child  don't  know  the  value  of  property,  neither  can  he 
sue  you  for  taking  it  from  him,  yet  his  guardian  can. 
So,  if  you  deprive  a  child  of  his  spiritual  privilege,  the 
guardian  angel  will  accuse  you  to  the  father.  Chil- 
dren were  inducted  into  the  church  at  eight  days  old, 
by  circumcision,  under  the  law,  and  we  have  no  ac- 
count in  the  New  Testament,  of  their  being  deprived 


i 


•* 


4^ 

of  church  membership,  and  children  could  no  more 
understand  the  typical  meaning  of  circumcision,  or  of 
purification  under  the  law,  than  they  now  can  under 
the  Gospel,  as  taught  by  man  ;  and,  if  God  did  make 
it  the  duty  of  parents  to  devote  their  children  to  the 
Lord,  under  thG  law  of  Moses,  in  the  ordinances  of 
that  dispensation,   can  we  reasonably   suppose  they 
would  be  deprived  of  church  membership  without  as 
plain  a  command  to   forbid    parents  to  devote    their 
children  to  God  in  the  ordinance  of  the  Gospel  ?     Pe- 
ter said,  "  repent,  and  be  baptized,  everyone  of  you, 
in  the  name  of  Jesus  Christ,  for  the   remission   of 
your  sins."     Then  he  gives  us  the  reason  why  they 
should  be  baptized,  viz.,  "For the  promise,"  he  says, 
"  is  to  you  and  to  your  children."     If  there  was  no 
promise  of  God's  blessing  to  us,  in  attending  his  or- 
dinances, there  would  be  no  reason  in  being  baptized. 
But  as  baptism  is  one  of  the  prerequisites  to  the  for- 
giveness of  sins,  as  we  see  expressed  in  Acts  22  :  16, 
the  remission  of   sins  is  not  necessarily  a  prerequis- 
ite to  baptism.     Here  you  will  see  your  mistake  in 
putting  conversion  before  baptism,  and  as  angels  are 
guardians  of  little  children,  they  will  accuse  you  with 
depriving  them  of  their  spiritual  rights.     Besides,  if 
they  are  the  legal  members  of  the  church,  they  enjoy 
the  prayers  of  the  church,  and  certainly  the  prayers 
of  the  church  are  worth  something. 

Moreover,  you  make  too  much  of  the  mode  of  bap- 
tism. Immersion  is  not  commanded  as  the  mode  ; 
indeed,  there  is  iio  command  in  the  New  Testament 
for  any  mode.     Neither  does  the  Greek  word  Bapto, 


425 

or  Baptizo,  signify  only  immersion.  It  signifies  also, 
to  wash— to  purify— to  sprinkle— to  wet— to  stain- 
as  it  is  said,  "  I  will  stain,"  or  baptize,  "  all  my  rai- 
ment."—Isaiah  63  :  3.  The  "  washing,^'  or  baptiz- 
ing "  cups,"  or  divers  washings,  in  Hebrew  9  :  10, 
and  also  sprinkling,  as^  in  the  19th  verse.  So  yqu 
see,  the  definition  of  a  word  does  not  amount  to  a 
command,  unless  the  thing  signified  is  command- 
ed definitely.  In  John  3 :  25,  it  is  said,  *'  Then 
there  arose  a  question  between  the  Jews  and  some  of 
John's  disciples,  about  purifying;  and  they  came 
unto  John,  and  said.  Rabbi,  he  that  was  with  thee 
beyond  Jordan,  the  same  baptizeth,  &c."  Now,  this 
question  was  about  baptizing,  which  was  called  in  the 
law,  purifying.  So  then  purification  under  the  law, 
was  John's  baptism  ;  and  John  decided  that  Christ 
would  increase,  or  would  rather  regulate  the  ordi- 
nance. So  he  did,  by  commanding  his  disciples  to 
"  baptize  in  the  name  of  the  Father,  Son,  and  Holy 
Ghost."  But  not  a  word  about  the  mode  in  which  water 
was  tobe  usedin  purifying  diflferent  from  under  the  law. 
And  that  ordinance  was  first  commenced  when  God 
said  to  Moses,  Exodus  19:  10,  "Go  unto  the  peo- 
ple, and  sanctify  them  to-day  and  to-morrow."  This 
was  to  prepare  them  to  wait  on  the  Lord,  who  said 
he  would  come  down,  on  Mount  Sinia,  and  speak  unto 
them.  This  ordinance  sanctified,  or  prepared  the 
people  to  wait  on  God,  and  receive  his  law.  So 
John's  baptism  prepared  the  way  of  the  Lord,  or  pre- 
pared the  people  to  wait  on  Christ,  and  hear  his  gos- 
pel.    John  was  under  the  law,  and  administered  the 


426 


I 


ordinances  of  the  law  ;  so  also,  was  Christ  under  the 
law,  and  kept  the  law.  When,  therefore,  Christ  came 
to  John,  to  be  consecrated  high  priest,  or  to  be  bap- 
tized of  him,  John  knew  Jesus,  though  he  did  not 
know  that  Jesus  was  the  Messiah  that  was  looked  for, 
but  he  knew  him  to  be  a  prophet,  and  a  very  holy 
man,  therefore  he  said,  **  I  have  need  to  be  baptized 
of  thee,  and  comest  thou  to  me  ?"  Jesus  said,  **  it 
becometh  us  to  fulfill  all  righteousness,"  which  is  the 
same  as  if  he  had  have  said,  "  it  becometh  us  to  keep 
the  law."  And  this  baptism  of  Christ  was  a  conse- 
crating him  into  the  high  priest's  o(Bce,  according  to 
Leviticus,  8th  chapter  ;  at  least  as  far  as  water  was 
used  in  the  ceremony  of  consecration.  The  purifying 
with  blood  was  not  necessary,  because  Christ  was 
not  a  sinner,  neither  was  he  baptized  unto  repentance, 
neither  was  it  necessary  to  anoint  him  wilh  oil,  as 
Aaron  was,  because  it  was  before  intimated  to  John, 
(that  he  might  know  who  the  Messiah  was)  that  the 
Holy  Ghost  would  descend  upon  his  head  in  the 
shape  of  a  dove,  to  anoint  him.  This  variation  of  the 
mode  of  consecration,  demonstrates  that  he  was  a 
priest  after  the  order  of  Melchizedek,  and  not  after 
the  order  of  Aaron. 

Purification,  consecration,  or  sanctification,  are 
words  that  are  relative,  and  to  purify,  the  mode  com- 
manded by  the  Lord,  was  to  sprinkle,  either  clear  wa- 
ter, or  blood  and  water,  or  water  into  which  they  put 
the  ashes  of  the  heifer,  as  we  learn  from  Numbers, 
19th  chapter.  And  that  the  priest  might  convenient- 
ly purify  with  blood  and  water,  he  was  commanded, 


I 


427  § 

Lev.  14,  4th  verse,  to  take  cedar  wood,  and  scarlet, 
and  hyssop,  the  hyssop  being  tied  on  to  a  cedar  staff, 
with  a  scarlet  thread.     This  was  dipped  into  water, 
to  sprinkle  the  unclean,  or  to  purify   in  any   way. 
There  were  three  things  required  of  a  man,  to  become 
a  legal  member  of  the  church,  under  the  law.     1st. 
circumcision ;    2d.    purification,   and    3d.  offering. 
And  for  a  female,  two  things   were  required.     1st. 
purification  ;  2d.  offering.     And  if  any  person  was 
not  purified,  they  were  to  be  cut  off  from  the  con- 
gregation of  the  Lord,  because   the  waters  of  sep- 
aration were  not  sprinkled  upon  him.     Therefore,  as 
purification  was  an  essential  prerequisite  to  church 
membership  under  the  law,  so  baptism  is  essential  to 
church  membership  under  the  Gospel ;  and  as  purifi- 
cation was,  by  John's  disciples  and  the  Jews,  confoun- 
ded with  baptism,   they  understood  them  to  be  the 
same.     And,  inasmuch  as  our  Lord  left  the  mode  of 
applying    the  water,   without  altering  it  from   that 
practiced  by  John  in  purification,  we  consider  sprink- 
ling, as  the  Scripture  mode  commanded.     John  said, 
"  I  baptize  you  with  water."  that  is,  I  apply  the  wa- 
ter to  you,  and  not  you  to  the  water.     All  the  altera- 
tion our  Lord  made  in  the  mode  of  purifying,  or  bap- 
tizing, was  to  perform  it  in  the  name  of  the  Father, 
Son,  and  Holy  Ghost. 

I  also  mentioned  to  him  the  improbability  of  John's 
baptizing  by  immersion.  Seeing  all  historians  agree, 
even  Mr.  Robertson,  the  Baptist  historian  agrees, 
that  John  baptized  only  six  months  before  Jesus  was 
baptized,  and  it  is  written,  that  all  Judea,  and  they  of 


iii' 


428 


Jerusalem,  came  unto  John,  and  were  baptized  of 
him  in  Jordan,  besides  those  inhabiting  the  region 
around  about  Jordan,  that  were  baptized.  There 
must  have  been  a  large  number,  for  Josephus  informs 
us  that  Herod  put  John  in  prison,  because  he  was 
afraid  he  would  cause  a  rebellion,  for  all  the  people 
followed  him.  J  think  there  must  have  been  at  least 
eight  million  in  the  whole  nation  of  the  Jews  at  that 
time.  Herod  would  not  have  had  just  cause  of  fear 
unless  a  majority  followed  John,  but  if  we  say  only 
four  million  were  baptized  by  him,  in  six  months  be- 
fore Christ  was  baptized,  as  it  is  written,  "  and  when 
all  the  people  were  baptized,  then  cometh  Jesus." 
If,  then,  four  million  were  baptized  by  immersion,  he 
must  have  baptized  more  than  thirty  in  a  minute,  to 
baptize  them  in  six  months,  and  baptize  twelve  hours 
in  a  day.  But  he  could  baptize  that  number  by 
sprinkling,  in  less  tlian  half  the  time.  Moses  conse- 
crated or  sanctified  six  hundred  thousand  in  two 
days.  Exodus  19  :  10.  I  believe  immersion  is 
baptism,  when  performed  by  a  proper  ordained  min* 
isler,  in  the  name  of  the  Father,  Son,  and  Holy 
Ghost.  And  if  it  is  not  administered  in  the  name  of 
the  trinity,  it  is  profane  mockery. 

This  conversation  convinced  him  of  the  impropriety 
of  making  so  much  of  baptism,  as  some  do.  I  never 
knew  him  to  speak  against  infant  baptism  while  he 
lived,  afterward.  And  many  years  after  we  were 
very  intimate.     He  lived  a  Christian   life,  and  died 

happy. 
There  are  some  tenets  in  religion,  or  some  form, 


429 


that  distinguishes  one  denomination  from  another. 
The  Episcopal  Church  are  fond  of  power,  arising 
from  their  notion  of  a  succession  of  Bishops.  The 
Presbyterians  are  fond  of  Calvinian  decrees.  The 
Baptists  of  immersion  for  baptism.  The  Methodists 
for  holiness.  Many  among  these  denominations,  are 
so  weak  in  intellect  that  they  believe  their  peculiar 
notions  are  essential  to  salvation.  Though  if  the 
Methodists  do  believe  holiness  to  be  essential  to  sal- 
vation, it  cannot  be  from  weakness  of  intellect.  Be- 
sides, if  they  enjoy  what  they  believe,  they  will  have 
less  bigotry,  and  a  better  foundation  for  charity,  than 
the  others  have  from  their  notions.  This  doctrine  of 
holiness  I  embraced  with  a  clear  conviction  that  it 
was  scriptural,  and  the  privilege  of  all  true  believers. 
**  Be  ye  holy,  saith  the  Lord,  for  I  your  God  am 
holy."  When  I  first  embraced  the  doctrines  of  Meth- 
odism, I  was  animated  with  a  hope,  that  by  the  time 
I  was  an  old  man,  if  I  should  live,  I  should  be  strong 
in  faith,  and  not  weak,  as  I  then  was.  But  though 
fifty  years  have  passed  by,  I  still  feel  myself  to  be  a 
child,  weak,  and  wholly  dependant  on  the  Lord. 
What  good  I  have  been  instrumental  of  doing,  appears 
as  nothing.  Past  blessings  are  as  nothing  to  suppljH^ 
my  present  wants.  I  am  now  as  dependant  on  God, 
as  ever  I  was.  My  confidence  is  in  God  alone, 
through  the  atoning  blood  of  Christ.  I  think  my  con- 
fidence is  stronger  than  it  used  to  be,  otherwise  I  am 
a  child,  weak  and  feeble,  hoping  in  the  Lord. 

After  travelling  Petersburgh,  Salisbury,  and  Ty- 
ringham  circuits,  my  health  failed.    I  had  so  many 


i 


t 


I-- 


430 


431 


turns  of  bleeding  from  the  lungs,  that  my  voice  fail- 
ed me  for  some  weeks,  that  I  could  not  speak  above 
my  breath  ;  so  that  again  I  was  superannuated.  I  had 
been  able  to  do  effective  service  in  the  church  for  a 
litlle  more  than  thirty  years.     Now,  weak  and  feeble, 
I  again  relumed   to  my  small  farm  in   Canaan,  Co- 
lumbia county.     Here  I  must  work  or  suffer;  it  was 
a  peculiar  trial  of  my  faith.     But  after   some  weeks, 
I  could  preach  once  in   a  week  ;  the  brethren  pro- 
posed to   change  works  with  me, — they  would  plow 
my  ground,  and  I  must  plow  the  fallow  ground  of  the 
heart,  and  sow  spiritual   seed,  so  we  did   very  well 
the  first  year.     I  preached  once   in  two  weeks,  and 
the  circuit  preacher  once  in  two  weeks,  thereby  we 
had  preaching  every  Sabbath,  and  the  brethren  help- 
ed to  plow  and  sow  my  ground,  and  mow   my  grass. 
But  the   tax  was  too  heavy  on  the  society  in  that 
place.      To   pay   the    travelling    preachers,    was   a 
heavy  burden  enough,  without  paying  me  anything. 
I  then  devoted  my   time  to    making  pills,  salve,  and 
tincture,  and  preach  as  often  as  my  health  would  per- 
mit, which  was  about  once  a  week,  for  which  I  re- 
ceived nothing,  except  the   profits  arising  from  the 
4pale  of  my  medicine.     To  do  good  temporally  and 
spiritually,  had  ever  been  my  most  ardent  desire.     I 
attended  protracted  meetings,  in  which  many  were 
converted. 

I  had  desired  to  spend  a  winter  in  the  South,  be- 
lieving it  would  be  a  means  of  healing  my  lungs. 
At  least  so  far  as  to  prevent  a  hemorrhage.  But  the 
want  of  means  to  pay  the    expense,  prevented,  until 


I  had  got  my  medicine  prepared  for  market.  I  then 
took  with  me,  so  much  of  medicine  and  books,  that 
the  profits  arising  from  what  I  believed  1  could  sell, 
would  pay  the  expense.  In  the  summer,  I  went  to 
Boston,  and  in  December  I  started  for  the  South. 
But  the  winter  came  on  before  I  reached  Philadel- 
phia. I  tarried  there  until  the  river  opened  in  the 
spring.  I  then  went  to  Baltimore  and  Washington, 
and  returned.  But  it  had  no  good  effect  to  stop  the 
bleeding  from  the  lungs.  The  next  fall,  I  start- 
ed in  October,  and  spent  the  most  of  the  winter 
in  Washington,  Georgetown  and  Alexandria.  To- 
ward spring,  the  bleeding  stopped  ;  that  I  have  had 
none  since.  Though  I  do  not  think  it  was  wholly 
owing  to  the  climate,  yet  I  believe  that  it  was  a  great 
means  of  relief.  Still  I  find,  when  I  preach  too 
often,  or  too  long,  or  loud,  it  brings  on  an  inflamma- 
tion of  the  lungs.  So  lam  disabled  from  doing  effec- 
tive service. 

The  disputes  that  have  agitated  the  Church  for 
aoes  past,  has  produced  many  polemical  essays. 
Fletcher's  works  were  the  best  I  ever  read.  From 
those  and  the  Scripture,  I  settled  my  mind  on 
the  seven  cardinal  doctrines.  1st. — Man's  lost 
estate,  by  transgression.  2d. — Redemption  through 
the  blood  of  Christ.  3d. — Repentance  and  faith. 
4th. — Justification  by  faith.  5lh. — Sanctification. 
6th. — The  resurrection  of  the  body.  7th. — A 
general  judgment  and  rewards  and  punishment. 

These  seven  doctrines  J  considered  as  containing 


V 

ii 


n 


432 

the  whole  Gospel,  or  all  that  the  Gospel  requires 
of  us  to  believe,  as  essential  to  salvation. — 
Other  points  were  theories  of  speculation,  involv- 
ing metaphysical  perplexities. 

Religious  experience,  though  related  in  a  simple 
manner,  is  more  instructive  and  encouraging  than 
metaphysical  subtleties.  I  wrote  some  years  ago, 
the  experience  of  a  Dutchman,  as  nearly  (as  he  relat- 
ed it  in  a  love-feast,)  as  I  could,  prefacing  it  as  fol- 
lows : — 

The  testimonies  of  our  brethren  who  have  tasted 
that  God  is  merciful  and  good,  as  I  often  heard  them 
in  our  love-feasts,  are  not  only  instructive,  but  also 
always  animate  and  cheer  my  soul.  And  although 
some  of  our  Dutch  brethren  cannot  speak  English  cor- 
rectly, yet  to  hear  them  relate  the  means  of  their  con- 
version, as  I  have  heard  some,  at  once  evinces  their 
sincerity,  and  is  an  evidence  of  the  work  of  God's 
grace  in  their  hearts.  I  wish  I  could  relate  one  as  it 
was  spoken  in  a  love-feast  more  than  thirty  years 
ago,  when  the  Methodists  first  began  to  preach 
in  the  northern  part  of  the  State  of  New  York.  I 
have  forgot  his  name,  but  the  substance  of  his  tes- 
timony was  as  follows.  He  said,  **  Mine  dear  breth- 
ren, 1  want  to  tell  you  some  mine  experience.  When 
de  Metodists  first  came  into  dese  parts,  I  tot  I  was 
doing  bery  well ;  for  mine  wife  and  I  had 'two  sons, 
Ned  and  Jim  ;  and  we  had  a  good  farm  dat  Neddy 
and  I  could  work  bery  well,  so  I  let  Jim  go  out  to 
work  about  fourteen  miles  off  from  home.  But  de 
Metodists  come  into  our  parts,  and  Neddy  went  to 


433 

dare  meet»«g»  and  he  got  converted,  and   I  tot  we 

should  all  be  undone  ;  so  I  told   Ned  he  must  not  go 

io  dese  Melodist  meetings,  for  so  much  praying,  and 

so  much  going  to  meeting   would  ruin  us  all.     But 

Neddy  said,  *  0  fader,  I  must  serve  de  Lord  and  save 

my  soul.'     But,  I  said,  you  must  do  de   work  too. 

So  I  gave  him  a  hard  stint  on  de  day  of  dare  meeting; 

but  he  work  so  hard  dat  he  got  his   stint  done,  and 

went  to  de  meeting   after  all.     While  I  set  on  my 

stoop  and  smoked  mine  pipe,  I  see  him  go  up  over  de 

hill  to  de   Melodist   meeting,  and  I  said  to  my  wife 

Elizabei,  we  shall  be  undone,  for  our  Ned  will  go  to 

dese  meetings  ;  and   she    said,  '  What  can  we  do  V 

Well,  1  said,  den  I  will  stint  him  harder  ;  and  so   I 

did  several  times  when  de  meeting  come.     But  Ned- 

dy  worked  hard,  and  sometimes  he  got  some  boys  to 

help  him,  so  dat  he  would  go  off  to  de  meeting  while 

I  set  on  mine  stoop  and  smoked  mine  pipe.     I  could 

see  Ned  go  over  de  hill.  I  said  one  day,  O  mine  Got, 

what  can  I  do — dis  boy    will   go  to   dese   meetings 

after  all  I  can  do.     So  when  Ned  come  home,  I  said 

Ned,  you  must  leave  off  going  to  dese  meetings,  or  I 

will  send  for  Jim  to  come  home,  and  turn  you  away. 

But  Neddy  said,  '  O  fader,    I  must  serve  de    Lord, 

and  save  my  soul.'     Well  den,  I  will  send  for  Jim  ; 

so  I  sent  for  Jim ;  and    when  he   come  home,  den  I 

heard  he  had  beentode  Melodist  meeting  where  he  had 

lived,  and  he  was  converted  too.     And  Ned  and  Jim 

both  said,  *  0    fader,  we  must  serve  de  Lord,   and 

save  our  souls.'     But  I  said  to  mine  wife,  dese  Meto- 

19 


m 


W 


% 


434 

dists  niU9l  be  wrong,  da  will  undo  us  all,  for  da  have 
gol  Nfed  and  Jim  bolh  ;  I  wish  you  would  go  to  dare 
meeting,  and  you   can  see  what  is  wrong  ;  but  Ned 
and  Jim  can't  see  it.     So  de  next  meeting  day  de  old 
woman  went  wid  Ned  and  Jim.     But  I  set  on   mine 
stoop,  and  smoked  mine  pipe.  But  I  said  to  mineself, 
Igessdese  Melodists  have  got  dare  match,  to  get  de 
old  woman,  and    she  will   see  what's  wrong.     So  I 
smoked  mine  pipe,  and  lookt  to  see  dem  come  back. 
By  and  by  I  see   dem  coming  ;  and   when  da  come 
near,  I  see  de  tears  run  down  mine  wife's  face.   Den 
J  said,  O  mine  Got,  da  have   got  de  old    woman  too. 
I  toll  am  undone,  for  da  have  got  Ned,  and  Jim,  and 
de  old  woman,  and  when  da  come  on  de  sloop,  mine 
wife  said,  *  O  we  must  not  speak  against  dis   people, 
for  da  are  de  people  of  Got.'     But  I  said  noting,  for  I 
had  not  been  lo  any   of  de    meetings,  so   1  was  in 
great  trouble.     But  in  a  few  days  after,  I  heard  dat 
dere  was  a  Presbyterian   missionary  going  lo  preach 
a  little  ways  off ;  so  I  tot  I    would   go,  for  1  lot   it 
would  not  hurt  any  body  lo  go  to  his  meeting  ;  and  I 
went  wid   Ned  and   Jim,  and  mine    wife,  and    he 
preachi,  but  dere  was  noting  done  till  after  de  meet- 
ing was  over,  and  den  dar  was  two  young  men  in  de 
toder  room  dat   sung  and    prayed  so   good  as    any 
body  ;  and  da  prayed    for   dar  old  fader  loo.     And 
many  cried,  and  1  lot  da  prayed  bery  well.     After  dis 
I  was  going  out  of  de  door  to  go  home,  and  a  woman 

gaid  to  me.  *  Mr. ,  you   must  be  a  happy  man, 

to  have  two  such  young  men  as  dem  dat  prayed^'    I 
taid,  was  dat  Ned   and  Jim?     She   said,  *  yes.*     O, 


.S-o 


435 


t",# 


!  fell  so  mad  to  link  da  had  prayed  for  me,  and  ex- 
posed me  before  all  de  people.  But  I  said  noting, 
but  went  home,  and  I  went  right  to  bed.  But  now 
mine  mind  was  more  troubled  dan  ever  before,  for  I 
began  lo  link  how  wicked  I  was  lo  stint  poor  Neddy 
so  hard,  and  try  to  hinder  him  from  saving  his  soul  ; 
but  I  said  noting,  and  mine  wife  said  noting  ;  so  I 
tried  to  go  lo  sleep  ;  but  as  soon  as  I  shut  mine  eyes 
I  could  see  Neddy  going  over  de  hill  to  go  lo  his 
meeting,  after  he  had  done  his  hard  stint,  so  tired  and 
weary.  Den  I  felt  worse  and  worse  ;  and  by  and  by 
I  groaned  out,  and  mine  wife  axt  me  what's  de  mat- 
ter. I  said,  I  believe  1  am  dying.  She  said,  *Shall 
I  call  up  Ned  and  Jim  V  I  said,  yes.  And  Jim 
come  to  de  bed,  and  said,  *  O  fader,  what  is  de  mat- 
ter?' I  said,  I  believe  I  am  dying.  And  he  said, 
*  fader,  shall  I  pray  for  you  ?'  I  said,  O  yes,  and 
Neddy  too.  And  glory  be  to  Gol,  I  believe  he  heard 
prayer  ;  for  tough  I  felt  my  sins  like  a  mountain  load 
to  sink  me  down  lo  hell,  I  cried,  O  Got  have  mercy 
on  me,  a  poor  sinner ;  and  by  and  by  I  feel  some  ting 
run  all  over  me,  and  split  mine  heart  all  lo  pieces  ; 
and  I  fell  so  humble  and  so  loving  dat  I  rejoice  and 
praise  Got ;  and  now  I  am  resolved  to  serve  Got  wit 
Ned  and  Jim,  and  mine  wife,  and  dese  Melodists." 


*^^ 
f  i(f 


■!•' 


'H.i' 


CHAPTER  XXI. 


After  I  had  commenced  printipg  the  second  edi- 
tion of  my  Memoirs,  and  while  itirihis  city,  superin- 
tending and  editing  the  same,  I  received  the  painful 
and  disheartening  intelligence,  that  my  house  and 
home  in  Canaan,  Columbia  county,  N.  Y.,  was  burnt 
to  the  ground,  together  with  all  its  contents,  excepting 
a  very  few  articles,  that  with  much  hazard  were  res- 
cued from  the  flames. 

The  fire  occurred  on  Sabbath  night,  the  24lh  of 
September,  1843.  I  got  the  news  on  the  26th,  and 
on  the  27th  arrived  at  what  was  once  my  home,  but 
now,  alas  !  a  mass  of  smouldering  ruins.  However, 
in  the  midst  of  all  I  could  but  rejoice  and  give  thanks 
that  my  dear  wife  and  the  other  inmates  of  my  house 
had  escaped  with  their  lives  ;  as  from  the  situation  of 
the  rooms  of  the  house,  and  the  place  where  the  fire 
originated,  or  was  kindled  by  some  incendiary,  I  can- 
not but  view  their  escape  as  truly  providential. 

The  fire  was  first  discovered  by  Mrs.  Hows,  the 
wife  of  Professor  J.  W.  S.  Hows,  of  this  city,  who 
had  been  staying  with  us  for  some  weeks  past,  and  oc 
cupied   a  bed-room  in  the  south-east  corner  of   the 
building.  At  about  one  or  two  o'clock  she  was  awak- 


# 


CHAPTER  XXI. 


After  I  had  commenced  printing  the  second  edi- 
tion of  my  Memoirs,  and  while  iti  this  city,  superin- 
tending and  editing  the  same,  I  received  the  painful 
and  disheartening  intelligence,  that  my  house  and 
home  in  Canaan,  Columbia  county,  N.  Y.,  was  burnt 
to  the  ground,  together  with  all  its  contents,  excepting 
a  very  few  articles,  that  with  much  hazard  were  res- 
cued from  the  flames. 

The  fire  occurred  on  Sabbath  night,  the  24th  of 
September,  1843.  I  got  the  news  on  the  26th,  and 
on  the  27th  arrived  at  what  was  once  my  home,  but 
now,  alas  !  a  mass  of  smouldering  ruins.  However, 
in  the  midst  of  all  I  could  but  rejoice  and  give  thanks 
that  my  dear  wife  and  the  other  inmates  of  ray  house 
had  escaped  with  their  lives  ;  as  from  the  situation  of 
the  rooms  of  the  house,  and  the  place  where  the  fire 
originated,  or  was  kindled  by  some  incendiary,  I  can- 
not but  view  their  escape  as  truly  providential. 

The  fire  was  first  discovered  by  Mrs.  Hows,  the 
wife  of  Professor  J.  W.  S.  Hows,  of  this  city,  who 
had  been  staying  with  us  for  some  weeks  past,  and  oc 
cupied   a  bed-room  in  the  south-east  corner  of  the 
building.  At  about  one  or  two  o'clock  she  was  awak- 


l!-. 


11  ' 

1 
I 


^ 


r 


440 

cned  by  the  light  of  the  fire  shining  into  her  roonn  ; 
the  fire  was  discovered  in  the  wood-house,  situate  on 
the  north-east  corner  of  the  house,  and  fornning  an  L 
with  the  main  building ;  when  first  seen,  the  flannes 
were  already  curling  over  the  roof  of  the  wood-house, 
and  rapidly  approaching  the  dwelling.  She  imme- 
diately gave  the  alarm,  and  aroused  the  family,  con- 
sisting at  that  time  of  only  three  persons,  besides  her- 
self and  her  little  son,  viz  :  my  wife,  and  grand- 
daughter, and  Henry  Fowler,  a  young  man  that  as- 
sisted on  the  farm  ;  for  this  signal  service  of  Mrs, 
Hows  to  me  and  mine  on  that  dreadful  night,  I  am 
truly  thankful.  Indeed,  I  am  at  a  loss  for  words 
properly  to  express  my  gratitude.  Yet  I  am  thank- 
ful, and  pray  our  heavenly  Father  to  have  her  and 
her  dear  family  always  in  his  holy  keeping,  and  pre- 
serve her  and  them  from  a  similar  calamity. 

Their  first  efforts  were  to  subdue  the  fire  ;  but  it 
had  by  this  time  got  such  headway  that  all  their  ex- 
ertions were  j^successful  ;  they  then  turned  their  at- 
tention to  saving  the  furniture,  and  succeeded  by  the 
assistance  of  the  neighbor,  S.  H.  Marks,  who  by  this 
lime  had  come  to  the  rescue,  to  save  only  one  bed 
and  one  chest  of  drawers  from  the  back  room,  and  a 
carpet,  some  chairs  and  a  looking-glass  from  another 
room,  andoneof  Mrs.  Hows'  trunks  of  clothing  ;  these 
formed  the  bulk  of  what  was  saved,  leaving  the  rest 
of  our  furniture  and  beds,  all  our  clothing,  bedding, 
and  provisions  ;  together  with  my  library  of  books, 
and  about  two  bushels  of  my  manuscripts  and  writ- 
ings ;  many  of  which  f  had  lately  revised,  corrected 


441 


*nd  laid  by,  carefully  labelled  ;*  and  also  all  my  stock 
of  medicines,  to  the  mercy  of  the  devouring  element. 

We  had  lived  in  that  house  upward  of  thirty-one 
years,  and  had  accumulated  very  many  of  the  com- 
forts, though  few  of  the  luxuries  ©f  life.  My  wife 
was,  and  is  yet,  an  excellent  housekeeper ;  by  her 
industry  and  untiring  application  in  spinning  and 
weaving,  bleaching  and  dyeing,  and  the  other  quali- 
ties of  good  housewifery,  our  house  was  well  supplied 
with  beds,  bedding,  clothing,  linen,  carpets,  and  such 
like  articles,  the  labor  of  her  own  hands. 

When  I  take  a  retrospect  of  the  past,  and  remem- 
ber the  days  of  privation  and  toil  we  have  passed 
through,  and  the  seal  she  has  uniformly  manifested 
to  promote  the  cause  of  religion,  at  home  and  abroad, 
and  the  cheerfulness  amid  all  her  trials  with  which 
she  would  exert  herself  to  support  me  in  the  ministry^ 
«o  tiiat  I  might  continue  my  labors  in  the  service  of 
the  Church ;  and  then,  that  after  half  a  century  of 
liard  work  and  strict  economy,  she  had  been  enabled 
to  surround  herself  and  fill  her  house  with  all,  or  near- 
ly all  the  comforts  of  life  ;  and  when  we  had  hoped 
to  pass  the  evening  of  our  days  in  the  enjoyment  of 


I 


♦  I  had  frequently,  in  conning  over  and  correcting  my  writ- 
ings, flattered  royseU*,  that  they  wodd  one  day  or  other,  if  pub 
lithed,  afford  some  light  to  the  world  ;  but  I  never  thought  they 
would  be  doomed  to  support  a  blaze,  and  especially  the  blaze  that 
destroyed  my  dwelling.  But  so  it  is  ;  all  the  good  or  harm  they 
ever  could  have  done,  is,  by  this  event,  for  ever  prevented.  1 
am  now  too  old  to  think  of  ever  reproducing  them  as  they  wot«, 
even  if  1  had  the  ability  for  so  doing. 


fll 


m 


R  ''-■ . 


Ibcrse  conrforls,  and  so  far  froin  being  bmdensome  la 
the  Church,  or  dependent  on  any  one  ;  but  rather  to 
have  it  in  our  power  to  relieve  and  encourage  the  af- 
flicted and  the  distressed.  And  now,  to  realize  the 
fact  that  all  is  gone,  burned  ap,  and  forever  dissipat- 
ed, weighs  down  my  spirits,  and  nnakes  nne  sad. 

We  are  growing  old  ;  indeed,  we  have  been  grow- 
ing old  for  many  years  past,  and  this  calamity  has 
placed  us  in  a  situation  we  have  been  for  fifty  years 
striving  to  avoid ;  it  has  reduced  us  to  want,  and 
made  us  dependent  ;  but  shall  I  therefore  despond,  or 
even  distrust  the  goodness  of  the  Lord  ?  No,  by  no 
means :  God  forbid.  Although  in  my  long  life  I  have 
never  been  subjected  to  so  great  and  so  calamitous  a 
pecuniary  loss  as  this  is  ;  yet  I  am  not  unacquainted 
with  the  flavor  of  the  bitter  dregs  oT  the  cup  of  af- 
fliction even  in  these  matters.  And  yet  hitherto  the 
Lord  has  been  my  shield,  my  support,  and  my  help- 
er, and  brought  me  out  of  all  my  former  troubles. 

Although  I  cannot  now  see  how,  or  from  what 
source  my  future  help  and  support  are  to  come  ;  yet 
I  feel  confident,  that  the  same  Providence  that  has 
watched  over  me,  and  over  the  Church,  for  so  many 
long  and  prosperous  years,  will  not  now  forsake  us. 
From  this  source  I  draw  largely  for  consolation,  and 
blessed  be  God,  I  feel   that  my  reliance  shall  not  be 

in  vain. 

When  I  arrived  in  Canaan,  I  was  much  comforted 
in  the  kind  sympathies  of  my  neighbors.  They  not 
only  commiserated  with  me  in  my  severe  loss,  but 
were  arranging  plans,  and  devising  means  to  rebuild 


443 

my  house— they  had  already  supplied  my  family  with 
the  immediate  necessaries  of  life,  and  in  this  labor  of 
love,  I  saw  no  difference  between  Methodists,  Bap- 
tists, Presbyterians  or  Shakers,  or  those  of  no  denom- 
ination ;  all  seemed  ready  and  anxious  to  do  what 
they  could,  and  many  were  grieved  that  they  could 
not  do  more. 

Such  kindness  as  was  manifested  by  them,  and 
such  readiness  to  assist  me,  could  not  but  cheer  my 
spirits  and  inspire  me  with  a  hope  that  all  would  yet 
be  well.  But  my  Canaan  friends  are  not  a  rich  peo- 
ple ;  they  are  however  industiious  and  prudent,  and 
will  do  all  they  can,  but  my  loss  is  too  great  for  them 
alone  to  make  good. 

It  has  been  quaintly  observed  by  many  of  my  breth- 
ren in  the  ministry,  that  I  am  a  "  good  beggar ;" 
that  is,  that  I  am  very  successful  in  raising  money, 
and  have  a  rare  knack  of  obtaining  supplies.  Now  I 
will  just  remark,  that  to  this  charge  I  shall  not  now 
plead,  but  merely  observe,  that  any  poor  abilities  I 
do  possess  in  placing  a  good  cause  in  such  a  light  be- 
fore a  liberal  and  discerning  public,  as  to  secure  their 
patronage  and  support,  has  been,  and  still  can  be,  ex- 
erted in  the  services  of  the  Church ;  but  cannot  be 
called  into  action  in  my  own  behalf.  I  have  yet  to 
learn  how  I  can  thus  employ  my  powers  of  persua- 
sion ;  and  I  am  apprehensive  that  I  am  now  too  old 
to  learn.  My  wife  too,  says,  "  she  can  yet  work,  to 
beg  she  is  ashamed." 

My  brethren  in  the  ministry,  and  many  of  my 
friends  in  New  York,  have  expressed  their  sympathies 


'^m' 


444 


m' 


for  me  ia  language  that  cannot  be  misunderstood. 
Some  of  the  Churches  also,  have  shown  theirs  in 
deed  and,  in  truth,  and  have  manifested  by  their 
liberal  donations,  that  their  sorrow  for  my  loss  pro- 
ceeds from  a  heart  that  knows  how  to  feel,  and  how 
to  manifest  their  feelings, — their  movements  and  ex- 
ertions, prompt  me  to  believe  that  my  house  will  soon 
be  rebuilt,  and  I  shall  again  have  a  home  for  myself 
and  family,  and  my  friends  that  visit  me. 

If  I  possessed  the  means  of  rebuilding  and  refur 
nishing  my  house  without  aid  from  any  one,  I  should 
do  so  without  expecting,  or  even  permitting  the  as 
sistance  of  my  friends  or  the  Church  ;  but  it  is  far 
otherwise.  At  the  time  of  the  fire  I  was  doing  all  in 
my  power  to  pay  my  debts — my  farm  was  yet  under 
mortgage,  and  I  was  behind  hand  with  the  interest, 
and  I  had  also  other  debts,  to  pay  which  required  my 
every  exertion.  The  admonition  of  **  Owe  no  man 
any  thing,"  was  constantly  in  my  mind,  and  I  was 
straining  every  nerve  to  fulfil  the  command  by  secur- 
ing the  means  of  paying  my  debts.  Yet,  in  the  midst 
of  all  this  anxiety  and  exertion,  many  thought  I  was 
rich,  and  so  expressed  their  belief.  For  why  they 
should  indulge  in  this  fancy  I  never  could  divine,  un- 
less it  was  to  add  to  my  excellence  in  their  estima- 
tion ;  for  some  do  think  that  riches  and  virtue,  wealth 
and  wisdom,  are  inseparable  companions.  Some 
have  intimated  to  me  that  if  I  was  not  already  rich,  I 
should  be  soon,  from  the  fact  that  I  had  a  great  deal 
due  me  for  pills  and  salve,  sold  on  credit.  Well,  thfs  is 
encouraging  as  far  as  it  goes,  but  the  facts  of  the  case 


* 


■i 


U6 


L    l| 


are  likely  to  give  very  indifferent  cncouragmenl  to 
my  creditors — they  are  these  :  I  had  trusted  out  a 
large  amount  of  these  articles  some  years  ago,  when 
credit  was  in  fashion,  and  the  times  were  supposed  to 
be  good.  But  when  the  lime  arrived  for  a  return  of 
the  avails  of  those  sales,  Ihstead^of  money,  I  got  no- 
lice  of  bankruptcy,  and  in  many  instances  had  to  pay 
the  postage  on  these,  when  I  expected  remittances  in 
good  lawful  currency.  Thus  leaving  me  to  pay  my 
own  debts — and  the  resources  on  which  I  relied  for  so 
doing,  entirely  exhausted. 

My  confidence  in  God,  and  the  integrity  of  my 
friends,  admonishes  me  that  no  adventitious  aid  is  re- 
quired to  call  forth  sympathy  or  supplies.  The  elo- 
quence that  would  excite  to  action,  is  heard  in  the 
roar  of  the  flames  that  destroyed  my  home,  and  de- 
voured my  substance — in  the  bright  blaze  that  arous- 
ed my  wife  and  family  from  sleep,  in  the  middle  of 
the  night,  and  drove  them  from  the  shelter  of  my  roof 
and  the  comforts  of  my  fireside,  and  at  one  fell  swoop 
reduced  to  ashes  my  means  of  temporal  support  and 
domestic   comfort. 

Thus  1  have  given  a  plain  statement  of  facts,  that 
has  reduced  me  to  poverty  and  want.  I  am  admonish- 
ed by  that  Gospel  I  have  preached  for  forty-nine  years, 
that  it  is  my  duty  to  be  resigned  to  my  lot,  and  still 
be  diligent  in  business,  and  fervent  in  spirit,  serving 
the  Lord  ;  hoping  this  narrative  will  do  good,  and 
encourage  the  reader  to  trust  in  the  Lord,  and  serve 
him  with  a  perfect  heart,  in  all  the  ordinances  of  his 
Church. 


i  ^. 


THE 


•*. 


h  •: 


SOUL-CHEERING  DOCTRINE 


U 


OF 


THREE   PERSONS  IN   ONE   GOD. 


CLEARLY  PROVED 


FROM  MATTER   OF    FACT 


)i 


AND 


FIRST  PRINCIPLES  OF  REASON 

IN    A    LETTER   TO    MR    ALLEN, 

PrinUr  of  the  Pittsfield  Sun. 


ny   HIS   8INCKRB   FRIEND* 
B.    HIBBARD,    MINISTER   OF   THE  GOSPEL. 


5^ 


I 


I  1.  y". 


ProTe  all  things  i  h»ld  fast  that  which  is  good.-l  Thess.  v.  21 


U     » 


TO  MR.  ALLEN 

Dear  Sir  : — 

It  is  a  long  lime  since  I  wrote  you  any  thing  for 
your  useful  paper ;  having  been  absent  from  these 
parts  for  some  lime,  but  having  occasionally  seen 
some  subjects  on  Unitarian  sentiments,  by  some  an- 
onymous writers  of  that  faith  and  order,  and  printed 
in  your  paper,  I  presume  for  the  express  purpose  of 
exciting  attention  to  the  all-important  subject  of  a 
Trinity  of  persons  in  the  Divine  essence  ;  but  I  have 
no  thought  of  answering  those  anonymous  writers  in 
this  communication  to  you  ;  but  of  expressing  to 
you,  sir,  that  on  reading  them,  my  attention  was  call- 
ed up  to  examine  the  subject  of  three  persons  in  one 
God,  more  minutely  ;  which  it  seems  they  have  set 
at  nought,  as  erroneous.  And  having  read  many 
learned  authors,  and  found  none  who  have  arranged 
their  arguments  so  as  to  exactly  suit  my  mind  ;  pos- 
sibly because  my  train  of  thinking  is  peculiar  to  my- 
self, and  because  they  allowed  the  Unitarian,  that 
three  persons  in  one  God  could  not  be  proved  from 
the  first  principles  of  reason,  as  though  the  doctrine 
was  contrary  thereto.  This  I  could  not  allow  ;  I 
shall  therefore  attempt  to  show  from  first  principles 
of  reason,  that  the  doctrine  is  not  only  scriptural,  but 
perfectly  reasonable.  I  first  define  what  reason  is, 
and  how  it  may  be  known  in  its  latent  and  manifest 


i 


Bit 


450 


1 


k.4 


forms.  And,  first,  reason  is  that  properly  of  the  hu- 
man mind,  that  enables  us  to  mark  a  distinction  be- 
tween one  thing  and  another.  And  reasonings  which 
is  also  called  reason,  (in  the  plural)  is  known  by  not 
confounding  distinct  things.  When  a  man  is  delir- 
ious, he  talks  incoherently — we  say  he  has  lost  his 
^iceason,  or  has  no  reason  in  exercise.  If  we  draw 
wrong  conclusions  from  propositions  laid  down,  it  is 
not  reason,  but  a  confusion  of  the  mind,  or  a  want  of 
integrity.  A  deceived  man,  or  rather  one  who  de- 
sires to  deceive,  labors  to  confound  distinct  things  in 
such  an  artful  way  as  to  confuse  the  mind  of  the  hear- 
er. This  important  doctrine  of  three  persons  in  one 
God,  I  shall  explain  in  the  following  manner  ;  taking 
for  granted  that  all  believe  in  the  existence  of  a  God  that 
possesses  natural  and  moral  perfections,  and  that  he 
is  eternally  the  same ;  a  spirit,  without  body  or  parts, 
omniscient — "  everywhere  present,  beholding  the 
evil  and  the  good."  We  argue  that  God  is  without 
body  or  parts,  from  the  fact  that  two  bodies  of  sub- 
stance cannot  occupy  the  same  place  at  the  same 
time.  But  God  is  omnipresent  always,  in  all  places. 
Now,  if  God  exists  indivisible,  and  possesses 
natural  and  moral  perfections — which  he  most  cer- 
tainly does — then  we  argue  he  must  have  those  natu- 
ral and  moral  perfections  in  constant  exercise,  or  they 
would  be  useless,  and  a  useless  property  would  be  an 
imperfection.  It  would  be  absurd  in  us  to  harbor  such 
a  thought  of  the  Divine  Being.  One  of  his  natural 
perfections  is  life.     If  he  had  not  this  in  exercise  at 


451 


all  times,  he  would  be  sometimes  dead.     Another  nat- 
ural perfection  is  efficiency,  or  power  to  begin  motion, 
and  to  do  what  he  has  a  mind  to  do,  without  control. 
Another  natural   perfection   of  the  Divine  Being  is 
speech,   but  who  did  he  speak  to  before  angels  or 
men  were  made  ?     If  God  be  infinite  in   possessing 
the  properties  of  his  Divine  essence,  then  he  must  have 
an  exercise  of  all  those  perfections,  or  he  could  not 
be  perfect  and  happy  in  himself.  To  notice  his  pow- 
er,  wisdom^  ?ind  goodness A(  he  possess   more  than 
he  has  a  use  for,  or  than  he  has  in  exercise,  the  re- 
dundancy would  be  useless  ;  and  a  useless  property 
would  render  him  imperfect,  which  is  absurd  in  us 
to  think  of  the  Divine  Being.     But  God   is  not  im- 
perfect, and  therefore  he  must  exercise  all  his  pow- 
er, wisdom,  and  goodness.     But  this  cannot  be  done 
in  creation ;  though  he  should  create  ten   thousand 
such  worlds  and  systems  as  this,  he  would  not  exer- 
cise all  his  power.     His  power  is  infinite  and  eter- 
nal ;  should  he  therefore  attempt  to  exercise  in  crea- 
tion, he  must  make  an  infinite  and  eternal  substance, 
and  this  could  not  be,  because  he  who  created  would 
exist  prior  to  the  creature ;  therefore  God  could  not 
exercise  eternally  his  infinite  power  in  creation.  But 
he  must  exercise  all  the  infinite  properties  of  his  Di- 
vine essence,  or  he  cannot  be  perfect    and  immu- 
table.    And  as  he  cannot  exercise  them  in  creation, 
he  must  exercise  them  in  himself.     And  this  argues 
two  things.     1st.  An  agent  acting;  and  2nd,  an  ob- 
ject acted  upon.     An  object  must  be  able  to  receive 
and  sustain  the  operations  of  the  agent,  and  therefore 


«^ 


452  ;; 

mustbeequallo  the  agent,  and  as  eternal  as  the  agent; 
and  be  as  able  to  give,  as  receive  from  the  agent ;  and 
their  operations  must  harmonize,  which  will  argue  a 
third,  which  is  the  spirit  emanating  from  the  two,  and 
personates  a  third  mode  of  subsistence  in  the  one  Di- 
vine Being,  or  three  persons.  For  I  understand  mode 
of  subsistence  to  be  the  same  diS  persoriy  and  is  really 
identity  in  the  Divine  essence.  Now,  then,  these 
modes,  or  persons,  are  equal.  And  the  perfect  union 
of  the  two  first,  implies  a  third  person,  or  mode  of 
subsistence,  that  partakes  of  the  nature  of  the  two, 
and  is  equal  to  either.*  And  the  three  are  essential 
modes  for  union,  and  an  exercise  of  all  the  properties 
or  perfections  of  the  Divine  essence.  The  actions  of 
an  indivisible  agent  supposes  something  to  act  upon ; 
and  that  something  must  be  able  to  receive,  enjoy, 
and  sustain  the  action.  But  before  time  or  creation, 
there  was  nothing  to  act  upon,  and  even  now, 
all  creation  is  not  sufficient  to  receive  an  act  or  dis- 
play of  all  infinite  power.  God  measured  out  his 
power  in  creation.  He  set  a  compass,  as  we  read 
in  Proverbs,  chap.  viii.  Creation  has  bounds  some- 
where, that  the  infinite  God  did  not  exercise  all  his 
power  in  this  work.  He  might  have  added  to  crea- 
tion ten  thousand  such  systems  as  this  ;  or  he  could 
strike  this  system  into  nothing  again,  should  he  please 


[f 


»  Agreeable  to  this  view  of  the  subject,  the  apostle  expresses 
himself,  Ephesians  5  :  20,  "  Giving  thanks  always  for  all  things 
unto  God  and  the  Father,  in  the  name  of  our  Ix>rd  Jesus  Christ.** 
In  like  manner  also,  in  Col.  3  :  17. 


453 

to  do  it.  He  doelh  whatsoever  seemeth  him  good  : 
but  he  must  exercise  the  infinite  power  that  he  pos- 
sesses, or  it  cannot  be  eternal  or  immutable  ;  and  if 
he  subsist  in  one  indivisible  mode  only,  as  the  Uni- 
tarians say,  there  is  nothing  to  act  upon,  or  to  re- 
ceive and  sustain  an  infinite  act ; — three  modes  o^ 
subsistence  or  persons  must  be  understood  to  exist 
in  the  divine  essence,  to  constitute  the  perfections  of 
action  in  harmony.  And  these  are  not  three  separate 
modes  of  subsistence  ;  but  I  say  three  distinct  modes. 
And  the  priority  seemingly  indicated,  is  not  a  priori- 
ty of  time,  of  dignity,  or  of  nature,  but  a  priority  of 
order  only.  This  being  premised,  and  keeping  in 
mind  always,  that  these  distinct  modes  of  subsistence 
constitute  personalities  only.  And  as  the  divine  na- 
ture is  simple,  uniform,  and  indivisible  ;  it  must  par- 
take of  personalities,  otherwise  the  Divine  Being 
could  not  know  his  own  immutability.  For  if  the 
Divine  Being  subsist  in  one  single  mode  only,  and 
can  subsist  in  no  more  than  one,  as  Unitarianism 
teaches  us,  how  can  he  know  his  own  immutability, 
or  his  omniscience  ?  How  is  it  possible  that  he 
could  ?  It  could  not  be  by  memory  ;  it  could  not  be 
by  comparison,  or  by  both  united.  Where  could 
memory  begin  ?  Where  could  it  end,  in  that  which 
is  necessarily  immutable  ?  If  God  possess  infinite 
wisdom,  which  he  most  certainly  does,  he  must 
exercise  it,  or  it  would  be  useless.  God  must  know, 
or  it  would  demonstrate  an  imperfection  in  him ;  but 
to  only  know  all  things  in  creation,  though  creation 
were  ten  thousand  times  larger  than  it  is,  it  would  be 


* 


454 


V    » 


finite  knowledge.  But  God  must  know  himself  to 
have  an  exercise  of  infinite  knowledge.  And  to  be 
perfect,  he  must  exercise  all  the  attributes  or  proper- 
lies  of  the  divine  essence.  But  how  can  this  be  done, 
unless  it  is  done  in  himself  ?  And  how  can  that  be, 
unless  he  subsist  in  three  distinct  modes,  or  persons  ? 
He  must  not  only  have  an  exercise  for  every  proper- 
ly of  his  natural  and  moral  image  now,  but  he  must 
have  had  an  eternal  exercise  of  them.  Or  it  might  be 
said  he  was  once  what  he  is  not  now,  or  that  he  is 
imperfect.  And  to  say  this  of. the  Divine  Being, 
would  be  absurd  and  impious. 

You  see,  sir,  that  I  have  got  into  a  deep  subject, 
but  do  not  be  frightened  ;  I  am  not  lost,  neither  have 
I  lost  my  Bible.  My  train  of  thinking  arises  still  from 
that  blessed  book,  for  there  we  are  informed  that  God 
made  man  in  his  own  image ;  and  as  I  can  safely 
reason  from  the  creature  up  to  the  Creator,  though  I 
cannot  reason  from  the  Creator  down  ;  because  I  can 
only  know  the  Creator  by  the  works  of  his   hands, 
and  the  revelation   he  has   given  of  himself.     Now 
then,  as  man  was  made  in  the  image  of  God,  I  say, 
that  what  God  gave  him  to  constitute  the  natural  and 
moral  image  of  God  in  him  ;  that  also  God  must  pos- 
sess himself,  with  only  this  difference  ;  the  creature 
is  finite,  but  the  Creator  is  infinite.   Well,  then,  God 
gave  to  man  not  only   the  power  of  reason,  and  to 
know  and  understand  ;  but  the  power  of  speech,  to 
communicate  to  others.     God  must  have  possessed 
this  power  of  speech  himself,  or  he  could  not  have 
endued  his  creature  with  it.     And  as  he  is  infinite,  he 


455 


must  have  possessed  it  eternally  ;  and  if  he  had  no 
use  for  it,  it  was  a  useless  perfection  of  the  divine  es- 
sence, and  must  have  rendered  him  imperfect  and  un- 
happy. To  suppose  this,  is  a  contradiction  and  an  ab- 
surdity.    But  if  he  used  it,  to  whom  did  he  speak  be- 
fore angels  and  men  were  made,   unless  there  were 
three  persons  in   the   divine   essence  ?     Therefore, 
three  distinct  modes  of  subsistence  or  persons  are  es- 
sential in  order  to   reasonably  account  for  the  exer- 
cise of  the  infinite   perfection  or  faculty  of  speech. 
And  therefore  God,  before  he  made  man,  spake   and 
said,  *'  Let  us  make  man  in  our  image  ;"  herein  Jie 
spoke  to  the  Trinity.     And  the  image  of  God  in  man 
is  most  clearly  manifest,  in  this,  that  man  was  made 
male  and  female  ;  here  is  two  distinct  persons,  and 
an  immortal  soul,  or  invigorating  principle  called  spi- 
rit, which  is  a  third  person,  and  yet  their  name  was 
called  Adam  in  the  singular.     Novi   we  see  in  man 
the  image  of  God  ;  three  distinct  perst^s,  or  modes 
of  subsistence,  viz.  male,  female^  and  spirit-,  and  yet 
but  one  man  that  was  alone,  and  had  not  an  help  male  ; 
and  God  said  it  is  not  good  for  man  to  be  alone.  But 
God  called  their  name  Adam  in  the  day  when  they 
were  created.  Gen.  v.  2. 

I  think  this  is  a  scriptural  and  rational  demonstra- 
tion of  three  persons  in  one  God,  And  though  the 
names  of  Father  and  Son,  are  now  applied  to  God,  to 
distinguish  two  persons  in  the  Deity,  yet  these  names 
were  not  eternal  ;  they  had  a  beginning.  Yet,  the 
divine  essence  will  never  cease  to  be  known  to  angels 
and  men   through  all  future  eternity,  but  by  those 


n 


456 


M 


names.  So  the  name  Creator  was  not  without 
beginning  :  he  who  created  was  not  Creator,  until  he 
created  something,  so  he  who  is  Father,  was  not 
Father  until  he  had  a  son,  or  child  ;  and  he  who  is 
the  Son  of  God,  is  so  emphatically,  because  he  is 
very  God,  and  very  man ;  so  we  are  to  understand 
him,  Matt.  xxvi.  63,  64. 

Therefore,  he  who  is  the  Son  of  God,  did  subsist 
in  the  divine  essence,  before  he  was  a  man  or  son. 
And  he  who  is  Father,  also  subsisted  in  the  divine  es- 
sence before  he  was  Father,  and  yet  but  one  e«aence. 
And  still  they  subsist  in  one  divide  essence,  and  will 
never  cease  to  be  Father  and  Son,  through  all  future 
eternity.  And  therefore  it  is  proper  co  say  eternal 
Son  ;  but  not  eternally  begotten. 

I  am  aware  that  Uniiarians  will  object  to  three 
persons,  or  modes  of  ^rubsistence  in  God  ;  because  the 
Divine  Being  exists  indivisibly.  I  grant  he  is  neces- 
sarily  indivi^^le.  But  he  possesses  perfections  of 
Divine  J^'^e,  intelligence,  moral  excellence,  and  effi- 
ciency, as  well  as  the  other  properties  or  perfections. 
I  shall  establish  the  axiom  of  three  modes  of  subsis- 
tence or  persons.  But  of  efficiency,  the  opinions  of 
those  who  believe  in  a  Trinity,  and  those  who  do  not 
are  very  diflferent.  And  in  arguing  this  point  of  dif- 
ference, it  is  necessary  to  lay  aside  all  views  of  crea- 
tion and  providence.  For  the  word  efficiency,  when 
speaking  of  the  perfections  of  the  divine  essence,  is 
not  to  be  understood  as  the  beginning  of  motion,  but 
of  motion  without  beginning. 

But  Divine  efficiency,  as  it  is  a  perfection  or  pro- 


1 

4f 


*^ 


457 

perty  of  the  divine  essence,  we  must  consider  it  ener- 
getic within  the  divine  essence  itself,  in  a  way  con- 
sistent with  necessary  existence,  perfection,  and  hap- 
piness. But  creating  efficiency  is  only  a  certain 
modification  of  active  energy.  God  possessed  effi- 
ciency before  creation  and  providence.  And  also  he 
possessed  life,  intelligence,  and  moral  excellence. 
And  theugh  creation  has  not  been  from  all  eternity, 
yet  it  does  not  follow,  that  there  ever  was  in  God  the 
absence  of  any  ability  to  display  a  creative  power, 
any  more  than  there  has  been  the  absence  of  life  or 
goodness.  He  can  live  to  himself,  and  hath  life  in 
himself;  so  also  had  Christ  life  in  himself,  as  we 
read,  John  v.  26.  It  must  therefore  follow,  in  order 
to  preserve  the  idea  of  the  absolute,  eternal,  and  im- 
mutable perfections  of  the  Divine  Being,  that  the  Di- 
vine efficiency  ever  was,  now  is,  and  ever  will  be  ex- 
erted or  manifested  in  the  divine  essence,  without  va- 
riation, change,  or  diminution,  from  everlasting  to 
everlasting  ;  unceasingly,  by  the  law  or  economy  of 
the  Divine  essence  and  perfections  ;  constituting  the 
Divine  Being  necessarily  absolute,  independent,  and 
altogether  perfect  within  himself  ;  and  that  as  much 
so  before  creation  and  providence,  as  since ;  and  would 
still  continue  to  be  so,  were  creation  and  providence 
forever  struck  out  of  existence  ;  otherwise  the  Divine 
Being  must  be  mutable. 

But,  as  it  is  a  positive  law  or  axiom,  that  the  es- 
sence of  every  being  must  partake  of  the  nature  of  its 
necessary  and  essential  perfections ;  therefore,  the 

20 


^1 


1< 


I 


458 


ii 


divine  essence  must  necessarily,  and  essentially,  par- 
lake  of  the  activity,  energy,  operation,  and  influence 
of  these  divine  perfections,  which  necessarily  inhere 
in  it ;  and  which  is  efficiency.  And  considering  this 
efficiency  as  eternal,  immense,  and  immutable  ;  and 
as  necessary  to  the  very  existence,  perfection,  and 
happiness  of  the  Divine  Being,  as  life ;  we  may 
therefore  safely  affirm,  that  it  is  a  necessary  law  of 
the  divine  nature,  to  be  active,  energetic,  operative, 
and  influential ;  without  which,  the  Divine  Being 
could  not  be  perfect  and  happy  in  himself. 

Now  to  And  identity  in  a  being  possessing  such 
properties  as  has  been  described,  is  by  no  means  dif- 
ficult. And  to  find  distinct  identities}  as  power,  wis- 
dom, speech,  6cc,,  which  are  all  identities ;  but  to 
prove  him  indivisible,  and  at  the  same  time  possess- 
ing such  properties,  we  shall  find  somewhat  difficult, 
unless  we  are  careful  to  use  the  word  distinct  instead  of 
the  word  different ;  therefore  to  subsist  in  three  dis- 
tinct modes,  is  the  statement  in  this  subject:  In 
speaking  of  modes,  as  applied  to  the  peisouAlity  of 
the  divine  essence,  all  that  I  mean  is,  that  such  is 
the  perfections  of  the  divine  life,  and  moral  excel- 
lence, that  it  is  as  natural,  and  necessary  for  the  di- 
vine essence  to  subsist  in  three  distinct  modes,  as  it 
is  for  that  essence  to  exist.  All  that  we  are  to  un- 
derstand by  a  divine  person  is,  the  divine  essence  and 
perfections  subsisting  in  a  distinct,  moral,  and  incom- 
municable manner  of  subsistence  ;  which  I  call  mode 
or  person,  at  pleasure. 

With   regard  to  three  modes  of  subsistence    in 


459 


the  divine  essence,  I  say,  there  are  tlirce,  and  there 
can  be  no  more  than  three  ;  and  that  there  are  three  ; 
— notice, 

1st.  The  agent. 

2d.  The  object.      * 

3d.  The  union. 

Or,  1st.  God  subsists  in  essence. 

2d.  He  subsists  in  perfections. 

3d.  He  subsists  in  harmonious  action. 

These  distinct  modes  of  subsistence  are  also  dis- 
tinct offices,  yet  all  equally  partake  of  the  one  divine 
essence ;  therefore  there  are  three,  and  there  can  be 
no  more  than  three,  for  if  the  first  operate  in  a  way  to 
form  a  fourth,  it  would  do  away  by  superseding  the 
necessity  of  the  second,  and  if  the  second  operate  in 
a  way  to  form  a  fourth,  it  would  do  away  the  first ; 
and  if  the  third  operate  in  a  way  to  form  a  fourth,  it 
would  do  away,  by  superseding  the  necessity  of  the 
first  or  second.  Therefore  there  are  three,  and  there 
can  be  only  three. 

Now  three  distinct  and  incommunicable  modes  of 
subsistence  of  the  divine  essence  and  perfections  with- 
in the  Divine  Being  itself,  discover  to  us  how  the 
Divine  Being  does  necessarily  subsist  in  the  full  and 
perfect  exercise  of  the  divine  efficiency  ;  and  also  of 
all  the  other  divine  perfections  through  every  point  of 
eternity  and  immensity.  And  upon  no  other  princi- 
ple is  it  possible  for  created  intelligences  to  have  just 
and  becoming  conceptions  and  notions  of  the  Divine 
Being,  and  of  all  the  divine  perfections,  natural  and 
moral ;  as  for  example,  notice  the  four  following  : 


466 


461 


, .  > 


]'  'i 


ri 

m 


1st.  The  divine  inlelligence. 

2d.   Eternity. 

dd.  Immensity. 

And  4th.  Immutability. 

1st.  Of  Intelligence- — If  inlelligence  be  according 
to  the  nature  of  every  being  possessed  of  it,  it  must 
be  so  in  the  Divine  Being,  and  if  the  Divine  Being 
subsists  in  one  mode  only,  the  divine  intelligence 
must  also  subsist  intone  mode  only  ;  and  if  the  di« 
vine  intelligence  subsist  in  one  mode  only,  the  divine 
ideas  must  all  be  directed  one  way  only  ;  and  if  the 
divine  ideas  be  directed  in  one  way  only,  it  is  impos- 
sible for  the  Divine  Being  to  be  omniscient ;  because 
the  divine  intelligence  could  not  operate  in  all  direc- 
tions at  the  same  time.  But  grant  that  there  are  three 
distinct  modes  of  subsistence,  or  persons ;  and  at 
once  we  discover  how  it  is  possible  for  the  Divine 
Peing  to  be  omniscient.  Hence,  the  perfect  exercise 
of  omniscience  leads  directly  to  the  doctrine  of  the 
Trinity. 

2d.  The  idea  of  eternity  embraces  both  past  and 
future,  and  is  simple  and  indivisible ;  and  if  fully 
comprehended^  must  be  comprehended  all  at  once  ; 
which  the  Divine  Being  cannot  do,  if  he  subsist  in  one 
mode  only  ;  for  one  mode  only  of  subsistence  can 
trace  one  idea  only  in  one  way,  at  the  very  same  mo- 
ment. Therefore,  if  the  Divine  Being  subsist  in  one 
mode  only,  and  can  subsist  in  no  more  than  one,  he 
cannot  comprehend  his  own  eternity. 

3d.  The,  idea  we  have  of  immensity  embraces  a 
boundless  circumference,  and  is  simple  and  indivisi- 


ble ;  and  if  comprehended  fully,  and  perfectly,  it  must 
be  comprehended  all  at  once.  Now  if  the  Divine 
Being  subsist  in  one  mode  only,  and  can  subsist  in 
no  more  than  one,  he  can  direct  his  thoughts  only  in 
one  way  at  the  same  moment ;  and  therefore  cannot 
comprehend  his  own  immensity. 

4th.  The  idea  also  of  immutability,  is  perfectly 
simple  and  indivisible  ;  and  when  applied  to  that 
which  is  eternal  and  immense,  embraces  all  directions 
at  once,  and  must  be  comprehended  all  at  once,  if 
comprehended  perfectly.  And  if  the  Divine  Being 
subsist  in  one  mode  only,  he  can  direct  his  thought 
only  in  one  way  at  the  same  moment,  and  therefore 
cannot  comprehend  his  own  immutability. 

But  if  God  subsist  in  three  distinct  modes  or  per- 
sons, he  can  direct  his  thoughts  from  all  the  extremes 
of  eternity  and  immensity  in  the  very  same  moment, 
and  thereby  perfectly  comprehend  his  own  immuta- 
bility.— Therefore  there  must  be  three  persons  in  the 
divine  essence,  otherwise  the  Divine  Being  cannot 
perfectly  comprehend  his  own  immutability,  immen- 
sity, eternity,  and  intelligence.  Hence  the  full  and 
perfect  knowledge  of  those,  leads  directly  to  the  doc- 
trine of  the  Trinity.  And  these  four  propositions 
run  directly  into  one  another,  and  support  the  general 
argument  with  the  most  clear  and  convincing  evi- 
dence. 

The  absolute  perfections  of  the  divine  essence  is  the 
foundation  of  its  own  distinct  personality.  We,  sir, 
who  believe  in  a  Trinity,  presume  it  is  not  possible 
to  prove,  by  fair  reasoning  and  demonstration,  that 


4  i 


462 

absolute  and  underived  self-existence  and  perfection, 
both  natural  and  moral,  can  subsist  in  one  mode  only, 
and  can  subsist  in  no  more  than  one  ;  and  we  pre- 
sume most  respectfully,  to  call  for  proof. 

If  by  fair  reasoning  and  demonstration,  we  have 
proved  that  the  divine  essence  must  necessarily  sub- 
sist in  distinction  and  union,  we  hope  that  those  who 
deny  it,  will  favor  us  with  demonstrations  equally 
clear  ;  but  this  we  presume  they  cannot  do. 

The  correctness  of  our  views  is  demonstrated  from 
the  absolute  perfection  of  the  divine  essence.  To 
pursue  the  subject  a  little  further,  we  discover  that 
there  is  in  the  Divine  Being,  a  power  or  perfection, 
by  which  the  Divine  Being  is  able  to  express  his  will^ 
or  make  a  promise,  or  give  a  command  ;  but  if  the 
divine  essence  subsist  in  one  single  mode  only,  and 
can  subsist  in  no  more  than  one,  how  is  it  possible 
for  him  to  express  his  will  at  all,  or  to  give  a  com- 
mand, or  make  a  promise  ?  Can  the  same  single 
mode  of  subsistence  be  both  agent  and  object  at  the 
same  time  ?  No,  that  is  impossible ;  but  as  the  di- 
vine will  was  as  perfect  in  its  operation  and  energy 
before  creation  and  providence,  as  since  ;  and  as  it 
would  still  continue  to  be  as  perfect  as  it  now  is, 
should  creation  and  providence  be  for  ever  done 
away  ;  it  is  of  the  greatest  importance  that  we  should 
study  the  divine  will,  according  to  its  own  nature  ; 
and  in  doing  so,  we  discover,  that  it  is  as  necessary 
that  the  divine  mWshoM  he  expressed,  received,  and 
ratified,  as  it  is  for  the  Divine  Being  to  exist.  And 
this  cannot  be  done  perfectly,  only  in  himself  by  three 


463 

persons  or  modes  of  subsistence  ;  and  if  the  divine 
will  be  not  expressed,  received,   and  ratified,  there 
can  be  no  perfect  image  of  the  divine  perfections,  in 
consistency  with  the  divine  nature,  in  all  the  extent 
of  eternity,  immensity,  and  immutability.     It  is  utter- 
ly impossible  for  creation  and  providence  to  receive  an 
absolute,  eternal,  immense,  and  immutable  impres- 
sion of  the  divine  image.     And  if  there  be  no  such 
impression  of  the  divine  image  in  creation,  there  must 
be  one  in  the  divine  essence  itself,  otherwise  the  di- 
vine will  could  nevei  operate  in  the  unlimited  extent 
of  its  own  nature. 

It  is  well  known  among  men,  that  a  command  sig- 
nified by  one  to  another,  implies  neither  superiority 
nor  inferiority  in  many  thousand  instances.  It  is 
equally  well  known,  that  inequality  of  office,  in  many 
instances,  implies  no  inequality  of  personality.  In- 
deed  it  is  impossible  that  there  can  be  inequality  of 
personality  where  the  essence  is  equally  perfect. 
Therefore  no  objection  can  arise  to  three  distinct  per- 
sons in  one  God,  on  a  supposed  ground  that  one 
would  be  superior  to  the  other. 

I  have  taken  care  to  so  study  the  perfections  or  pro- 
perties of  the  Divine  Being,  that  I  may  clearly  view 
each ;  having  exercise  according  to  their  nature  and 
eternity.  The  exercise  of  those  divine  properties  m 
creation  and  providence,  are  all  by  measure,  and  there- 
fore  those  who  believe  that  God  decreed  all  things 
that  come  to  pass  in  creation  or  time,  make  difficulty 
for  themselves  and  others,  and  confound  physical  with 
moral  causes.     I  am  sorry  for  those  learned  scholar* 


464 

who  say,  they  cannot  see  any  difference  in  the  fore- 
knowledge God  has  of  things  that  come  to  pass  by 
the  moral  agency  of  his  creatures  ;  and  a  deeree  that 
such  things  should  be.  With  regard  to  this,  we  ought 
to  consider  God  to  be  an  infinitely  free  agent  himself; 
not  dependent  on  creation  and  providence  for  a  dis- 
play of  any  of  the  perfections  of  his  divine  essence  ; 
he  displays  them  all  freely  without. 

We  have  often  heard  about  an  eternal  decree,  and 
this  is  true  that  there  is  an  eternal  decree  when  ap- 
plied to  that  perfection  of  the  Divine  Being,  by  which 
he  can  express  his  will,  make  a  promise,  or  give  a 
command.  For  in  order  that  the  Divine  Being  should 
,  be  perfect,  his  will  must  be  expressed,  received,  and 
ratified  ;  but  this  cannot  be  done  in  creation  and  pro- 
vidence ;  it  can  be  only  done  in  himself;  because 
he  alone  is  eternal.  Creation  and  providence  cannot 
receive  nor  ratify  an  eternal  decree,  or  expression  of 
the  eternal  will. 

Therefore,  to  account  for  an  eternal  decree  in  crea- 
tion, is  absurd  ;  it  is  a  wrong  application  of  a  truth. 
I  apprehend  that  those  who  have  puzzled  their  own 
minds  about  eternal  decrees,  will  feel  relieved  when 
they  consider  that  an  eternal  decree  can  only  have  its 
accomplishment  in  the  Divine  Being  himself;  by 
three  modes  of  subsistence  in  the  one  divine  essence. 

It  is  absurd  to  suppose  that  the  Divine  Being  should 
express  any  more  of  his  will  to  his  creatures  for  them 
to  receive  and  ratify,  than  what  they  were  able  to  re- 
ceive and  ratify.  They  cannot  be  accountable  for 
any  more  of  the  will  of  God,  than  they  can  obey.  And 


465 

it  is  a  fact,  that  some  expressions  of  his  will  in  crea- 
tion and  providences  are  ratified  only  by  the  agency 
of  God  without  his  rational  creatures  :  and  some  by 
the  agency  of  God  with  his  rational  creatures  ;  the 
sun,  moon,  and  stars,  all  run  their  courses  by  the 
agency  of  God  alone.  But  the  worship  of  God  is  not 
performed  by  rational  creatures  without  the  agency 
of  the  creature ;  therefore  we  are  obligated  to  do  his  will 
thus  far  ;  and  though  we,  by  reason  of  sin,  have  ren- 
dered ourselves  incapable  of  performing  one  act  pleas- 
ing or  acceptable  to  God  without  his  agency  or  grace  ; 
yet  we  are  capable  of  performing  those  acts  of  repen- 
tance and  faith  pleasing  to  God,  which  he  requires  of 
us,  because  the  fact  is,  the  quickening  grace  of  God 
is  freely  imparted  to  every  one  in  sufficient  measure 
for  the  work  of  repentance  and  faith  that  God  re- 
quires of  all  men  every  where. 

This  is  one  of  the  most  obvious  truths  contained  in 
revelation.  And  yet  this  truth  is  always  a  subject  of 
cavil  and  unbelief,  by  all  those  who  wish  to  live  in 
their  sins,  or  excuse  themselves  by  intimating  that 
their  sins  were  an  effect  of  an  eternal  decree. 

We"  see  by  what  has  already  been  said,  that  God 
could  not  exercise  all  his  infinite  power  and  wisdom 
in  creation,  and  therefore  he  must  exercise  it  in  him- 
self. Knowledge  and  power,  and  will,  are  measured 
out  in  creation  and  providence,  just  so  much,  and  no 
more.  God  is  an  infinitely  fiee  agent ;  therefore  he 
knows  as  it  respects  creation  and  providence,  just 
vvliat  he  has  a  mind  to  know,  and  what  he  has  not  a 

20* 


406 


mind  lo  know,  he  lets  alone.  But  some  have  asked 
me,  doth  not  God  know  all  things  ?  I  answer,  yes, 
and  more  than  all  things  ;  he  not  only  knows  all  that 
is  in  creation  and  providence,  which  is  all  things  that 
are  numbered  ;  but  he  knows  immensity,  that  is  not 
numbered.  Yet  he  knows  just  what  he  has  a  mind 
to  know,  and  what  he  has  not  a  mind  to  know,  he  lets 
alone.  But  1  have  been  asked  again,  what  might  he 
know  that  he  docs  not  know  ?  or  what  does  he  not 
know  ?  I  answer,  he  does  not  know  that  you  arc 
dead,  seeing  you  arc  alive  ;  but  he  might  know  it,  if 
he  would.  He  does  not  know  that  there  are  two 
moons  to  this  world,  seeing  there  is  but  one  ;  but  he 
might  know  there  were  two,  if  he  would  make  ano- 
ther, and  who  dare  to  say  he  could  not  make  another 
moon  10  this  world  ?  But  he  has  not  been  pleased 
to  doit,  and  therefore  we  ought  lo  be  thankful  for 
one,  though  yve  are  not  benefitted  with  moonlight 
but  half  the  time.  God  doeth  whatsoever  seemeth 
him  good,  and  it  is  for  me  and  others  to  be  thankful 
for  what  he  has  done,  and  to  magnify  his  name; 
which  I  have  endeavored  to  do,  by  exhibiting  the 
reasons  for  three  persons  in  one  God,  in  which  I  think 
his  name  is  magnified. 

I  have  now  expressed  my  mode  of  thinking  on 
the  important  subject  of  the  Trinity,  and  the  divine 
perfections.  But  I  have  not  stated  all  my  thoughts. 
\  will,  however,  add  this  :  that  by  whatever  names 
the  Divine  Being  has  been  pleased  to  make  himself 
known  lo  his  creatures,  they  cannot  serve  the  Unita- 
rians lo  disprove  three  persons  in  one  God ;  but  the 


467 

Trinitarians  have  just  claim  lo  those  names,  to  prove 
three  persons  in  one  God. 

I  am,  dear  sir,  yours,  and  the  public's 

humble  servant, 

B.  HlBBARD^ 

Canaan,  Oct.  12,  1832. 


My  friend,  Mr.  Allen,  was  not  a  Unitarian,  but  ^ 
gentleman  of  a  liberal  mind,  and  fond  of  research  ; 
and  having  published  some  remarks  of  a  Unitarian,  I 
thought  it  best  to  give  my  views  of  three  persons  in 
one  God,  thereby  at  least  I  could  put  a  stop  to  the 
publication  of  Unitarian  principles  in  his  paper,  as  I 
believed  Mr.  Allen  would  publish  the  arguments 
against  Unitarianism,  as  readily  as  for  it,  and  if  he 
admitted  theological  discussions,  it  would  change  the 
political  character  of  his  paper.  He  saw  this  at  once, 
and  very  handsomely  declined  publishing  any  more 
polemical  essays.  Besides,  he  objected  to  the  one  I 
had  written,  as  being  too  lengthy  for  a  newspaper. 
So  T  was  requested  lo  have  it  printed  in  pamphlet 
form.  It  was  so  well  received  by  the  Trinitarians 
that  I  thought  lo  preserve  it,  by  inserting  it  in  my 
Memoirs.  And  as  there  is  no  being  that  is  eternal, 
and  unoriginated  but  the  Deity  himself,  and  as  it  is 
generally  believed,  even  by  the  Unitarians,  that  he 
possesses  attributes  or  perfectfons,  the  exercise   of 


i 


if! 

id 


46S 

which  must  demonstrate  that  he  subsists  in  a  mode 
ibat  be  could  exercise  ihem  himself  as  an  agent  that 
acts  in  conjunction  with  another  agqnt,  that  receivea 
the  command  of  the  first  agent,  and  their  acts  must 
be  in  harmony.  Therefore,  it  is  said  of  Christ,  the 
second  agent,  "  Lo,  I  come  to  do  thy  will,  O  God." 
— Heb.  10:9.  And  as  Christ  is  said  to  be  in  the 
express  image  of  his  person,  the  person  of  God — 
Hebrews  1  :  3,  it  is  therefore  proper  to  apply  the 
word  person  to  God  and  Christ.  And  as  the  pro- 
noun he,  is  applied  in  the  Scripture  to  the  Father,  and 
Son,  ^  and  Holy  Ghost,  the  word  person  is  therefore 
properly  applied  to  the  Holy  Ghost,  as  the  third  per- 
son in  the  Trinity.  The  relative  nouns  of  father 
and  son,  I  have  said  were  not  eternal — yet  he  that 
-is  Father,  and  he  that  is  Son,  did  subsist  in  the  divine 
essence  eternally.  The  manifestations,  or  acts  of 
the  Divine  Being,  do  not  possess  Divinity  in  them- 
selves, though  they  are  the  acts  of  a  Divine  Being — 
confounding  the  acts  of  the  Deity  with  Divinity,  was 
the  error  of  the  heathen  in  introducing  a  plurality  of 
Gods.  Many  authors,  in  refuting  the  errors  of  poly- 
theism, have  inadvertently  Deified  the  acts  and  per- 
fections of  the  Divine  Being,  by  calling  many  things 
infinite,  that  is  not  infinite.  None  but  God  is  infinite, 
and  yet  how  often  wc  hear  the  word  infinite  used  in 
an  unguarded  manner.  One  in  his  solemn  address 
lo  the  throne  of  grace,  said,  **  We  are  under  infinite 
obligations  to  thee,"  as  ihougli  his  obligations  were 
as  eternal  and  unoriginaled  as  the  Divin3  Being. 
It  may  be  thought  that  the  good  word  infinite  would 


469 

do  no  harm  if  it  was  used  unguardedly ;  it  is  a 
word  that  sounds  eloquently,  and  to  say  this  or 
that  is  infinite,  it  will  make  this  or  that  worthy 
of  attention.  But  it  may  not  always  be  the 
truth. 


•     * 


♦. 


TABLE  OF  CONTENTS. 


Page. 
6 


15 
22 
24 
25 
27 
2d 


Birth,  and  Early  Education, 

First  deep  Conviction  of  Sin, 

A  Despairing  state  of  mind,  .  •  f^ 

My  first  sense  of  Deliverance  from  the  guih  of  sin    . 

Joy  and  Peace  in  Believing 

Constant  Prayer  and  Watchfulness, 

Great  trouble  of  mind,  about  Election  and  Reprobation 

A  desire  to  know  if  I  was  Elected,  and  tried  experiments  to 

find  out— all  in  vain,  .  .  .30 

A  Chastisement  for  Unwatchfulness,         .  .  32 

Again  Election  troubles  me— Reasons  for,  and  against  it .  '      36 
A  Revelation  from  God,  that  Unconditional  Election  was  not 

true,  .  .  .  •  •       *^ 

Close  of  the  Revolutionary  War,  .  .  47 

Attempts  to  Dissuade  me  from  Seriousness,     .  •       49 

Insurrection  in  Massachusetts,  .  •  52 

Attention  to  Military  Subjects,  .  .  .66 

Warlike  Notions  wore  off  in  a  fit  of  Sickness,  .  59 

My  Health  Restored,  and  the  Methodists  first  Preached  at  my 

fathers',         .  .  •  •  .61 

The  Religious  Dance,  ,  .  .  63 

Attended  the  Methodist  Meetings,      .  .  .65 

Opposition  to  the  Methodists— and  I  was  suspected  of  favor- 
ing them.    Embraced  their  Doctrine,         .  .        67 
More  Opposition  to  the  Methodists,           .               .  W 
Deep  Convictions  (m  Neglecting  my  former  Experience,       71 


472 


I  ft- 


Marriage,  .... 

An  agonizing  Struggle  for  Pardon  and  Salvation, 
Deliverance  from  a  load  of  gailt,  and  made  very  happy, 
Went  to  the  West,         .  .  .  . 

Bargained  for  a  Farm, 


75 

79 
83 
84 
.      84 
Found  the  Methodists  were  the  people  revealed  to  me  when 

I  was  twelve  years  old,  as  in  page  40,  .  .     85 

An  Impression  to  Preach,  ...  86 

First  began  to  hold  Meetings  and  Exhort,  .  .     87 

Disputes  about  Election,  ...  91 

Obtained  a  Clear  Witness  of  Conversion,  and  joined  the  Meth- 
odists, ^  .  *  .  .  •  •  95 
Held  Meeting,  and  many  came  to  dispute  me,  .  .  99 
Closely  Watched,  and  Strange  Views  of  Methodism,  .  103 
Success  in  Reproving  Swearing,  .  .  104 
Many  came  to  talk  with,  and  dispute  me,  .  .  109 
Peace  and  Harmony  in  the  Class,  and  Conviction  of  my  wife,  117 
Conviction  to  Preach  increased  upon  me,  .  •  121 
Yielded  fully  to  the  Conviction,  .  .  128 
nvited  to  Preach  in  the  house  that  was  revealed  to  me  when 
I  was  twelve  years  old,  would  be  the  house  I  should  first 


be  invited  to  Preach  in. 
Received  License  to  Preach,    . 
Preached  in  different  Towns— many  Converted, 
One  Conversion  very  Singular, 
Opposition  to  my  Travelling, 
Travelled  Pittsfield  and  Litchfield  Circuits,  1797, 
Many  Converted, 
Travelled  Cambridge  Circuit,     . 
Peculiar  Trials, 

The  Work  of  God  very  powerful— Perfection,  &c. 
An  Extraordinary  instance  of  the  Power  of  Uod, 
A  curious  Debate  on  Metaphysics 
The  Sufferings  of  ray  Wife,  , 

On  Granville  Circuit— Strange  pleading  for  sin. 
Some  Persecution  prevented, 
Great  Revival  of  Religion, 


129 
132 
136 
187 
142 
144 
147 
148 
151 
153 
161 
165 
168 
170 
174 
178 


473 


Policy  and  Union  of  ChurcK  and  State,  .  183 

The  Revival  increased,  ...  187 

Some  Conversions  very  Extraordinary,  .  •        19® 

Some  of  the  Calvinists'  Doctrine  consistent  with  Methodism,  193 


Stationed  on  Long  Island  Circuit, 

Renewed  my  Study  of  Physic, 

Removed  from  Bethlehem  to  the  Island,  the  parting  scene. 

Had  a  Dispute  with  a  Deist  on  board  the  Boat, 

Description  of  Long  Island,        .        • 

Quaker  Customs, 

Attempt  to  Persecute  at  Hempstead  Harbor,     . 

Offended  a  Presbyterian  Church, 

A  Journey  to  Berkshire— Extraordinary  Rencounters,    . 

Thoughts  on  Dress,        .  .  • 

The  Meaning  of  the  Word  Fontal,     . 

A  Scrutanutory  Case,      .  • 

My  Family  afflicted  with  Sickness— myself  sick. 

Stationed  on  Dutchess  Circuit,  and  Ordained  Elder  at  Rhine 

beck,  .  .  •  •  • 

Moved  my  Family  to  Rhinebeck— almost  all  sick,   . 
Continued  Affliction,  ...» 

Given  over  to  die— Extraordinary  Manifestation     . 
Attend  the  Conference  in  Cambridge— Great  time 
Difficulty  and  trouble  to  render  accounts  of  presents. 
Resolved  to  take  no  money  until  the  Preachers  were  paid. 
Brothers  Garrettson  and  Sands  laid  down  the  plan  for  my 

support, 
A  Great  Revival  of  Religion, 

Some  Persecution  by  the  Quakers, 

A  Ceremony  of  Hat  Wearing, 

Heaps  of  Incurables  and  Unaccountables, 

A  Queer  Settlement  of  a  Difficulty, 

James  Horton  rode  around  the  Circuit  with  me, 

In  1805,  appointed  to  Croton  Circuit, 

Affecting  Scene  on  leaving  Rhinebeck,    . 

Concert  of  Prayer, 

The  Circuit  greatly  Blessed  with  Revivals, 


194 
195 
196 
197 
200 
201 
204 
206 
208 
212 
214 
216 
217 

218 
220 
223 
224 
227 
238 
238 


239 

240 

244 

248 

250 

251 

253 

255 

266 
257 

260 


474 


iWf 


k| 


111 


Uneasiness  of  my  Wife,  about  what  was  to  happen  to  me, 

My  Son  John  Died,  .  .  * 

Wrote  the  Errors  of  the  Quakers, 

Good  Revival  in  New  Rochelle, 

Great  cry  for  Union,  .  .  • 

Hatred  of  the  Doctrine  of  Perfection, 

General  Conference,  .  »  • 

Camp-Meeting  at  Tuckahoe, 

Brought  a  Quaker  to  Repentance,  •  • 

Stationed  on  Reading  Circuit,  .  • 

Great  Revival  of  Religion, 

Reproof  for  Stinginess, 

Stationed  on  Croton  Circuit,  and  suffered  by  an  Impostor 

False  Reports  of  my  Death, 

Great  Mortality  in  1811, 

General  Conference,  1812, 

Stationed  on  Pittsfield  Circuit,  1813 

Served  as  Chaplain  in  the  Army,  in  1814, 

Some  Account  of  the  War,         .  .  • 

Appointed  to  Litchfield  Circuit. 

Blockading  System, 

In  1816-17,  travelled  Granville  Circuit, 

Contention  about  Doctrines,        .  . 

The  Cardinal  Doctrines, 

Pandora's  Box,   .  .  •  • 

More  Pleading  for  Sin, 

Some  Calvinists  acknowledge  the  Methodists  do  good, 

Abstruse  Subject  of  Metaphysics, 

Serious  Thoughts  on  Foreknowledge, 

The  Subject  Continued, 

Of  Eternal  Now, 

Travelled  Petersburgh  Circuit, 

Travelled  Salisbury,  and  Tyringham  Circuits,  . 

A  Debate  on  Baptism, 

Health  Failed,  .        '. 

Travelled  to  the  South  for  my  Health,     . 

Experience  of  a  Dutchman, 

Suppliment,  ;  .  .  • 

Remarks  on  Three  Persons  in  one  God, 


264 

266 

271 

281 

285 

287 

289 

293 

297 

301 

304 

306 

311 

313 

817 

318 

320 

321 

322 

339 

343 

345 

346 

857 

362 

364 

866 

369 

878 

382 

405 

414 

415 

419 

428 

429 

43t 

447 

567 


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